Chapter Text
Not for the first time that night, Johnny questioned his own sanity, and blamed his current whereabouts on his troubled childhood.
It was his tragic family history's fault if he ended up in such a situation. Yep, no other explanation. Free will was a lie, because his brain had been constructed by the adults closest to himself when he was little and they didn't put enough solid foundations for him to develop as a functioning teenager.
So. All their faults if he was currently infiltrating a meet-up of two gangs in Spidey's company, out of their heroes outfits, and all of that without seeing an inch of the vigilante's face. Life was damn unfair.
At first he'd been skeptical of Spidey's bright idea. Sneaking in as participants at the meeting seemed impossible : he had known that the vigilante would die before showing his face, and Johnny's own was too famous for him to hope to be incognito in a crowd, especially one filled with lawless criminals.
They probably kept a poster of him pinned to a board so they could throw small arrows at it, suffering with the painful and frustrating knowledge that they could never even dream of flicking him on the forehead (or so his ego insisted.) He had assumed that they would be stopped instantly if they refused to reveal their faces at the entrance of the shady garage.
Spider-Man had dismissed his concerns, arguing that he "knew the password" thanks to some recon mission he had executed a few nights ago, and that the point of these kind of reunions was to intimidate your rivals without them having any idea who the fuck you were.
But now, standing behind one of the mobs' boss (who obnoxiously sat in a chair while they all had to stay still on their feet, what a douchy power move), he had to admit that there were more masked men around them than not.
Some wore scarfs all over their heads, leaving only their eyes uncovered. A bunch had bandannas covering their mouth and nose. Others, probably high-ranked, sported carnival masks, either wolf-style or full face. Johnny was disappointed to note that none of them had the gut to wear a cat one.
Distantly, he wondered if they had somehow wandered in a very kinky situation.
His own bandanna tickled the bridge of his nose, and he pulled at it a little. Spider-Man elbowed him in the ribs and Johnny glanced at his left with an inquisitive stare, trying to convey the question "the hell do you want" without words or facial gestures.
He could only see the side of Spidey's huge hood and a bit of his black scarf peaking out. He knew from earlier that the piece of cloth was so low on the vigilante's eyebrows that it cast a shadow over the his eyes. In the low light, Johnny had been unable to determine their color.
Communicating with him failed drastically.
"I don't see how that is my concern, Cresswell," drawled the rival mob boss. Johnny hadn't caught his name, or maybe he had but had then released it in the wild, so he decided to dub him Moisty in honor of the rings of sweat darkening his armpits.
"You know as well as I do that your territory will be the next one, if you don't ally yourself with us."
'Our' leader's first name is Richard, so I call him Moby Dick, Spider-Man had said in his ear when they had entered the dark room.
Moisty smirked and leaned back in his chair.
"My people are more resilient than you can imagine ; a man is only a man, after all, superpowers or not. We outnumber him by far."
"Except that he is not alone, not anymore."
The room seemed to still. They were all so dramatic, Johnny thought. Moby Dick caught on the sudden tension and saw his opportunity to push :
"You noticed, didn't you ? Some 'heroes' have been sticking their mutt in places they don't belong. They aren't just arresting our guys when they stumble upon them doin' our business, either. They're targeting the organizations themselves, and you know it. They want to dismantle all of New York underground market."
"They can try, we'll retaliate," Moisty snorted, but he looked less self-assured than before.
"We've been too obvious," Moby Dick insisted. "Most of them fuckers don't care if we do our business on their doorsteps, but something's changed. They're really onto us. Cops, too. I don't know who or what made them give up the blind eye policy, but one thing's sure : if they carry on taking us down one by one, we'll both be the next ones to fall."
Moisty hummed. "You know, I'm sure that the change doesn't come from them, but rather from the switch of your activities."
Moby Dick squinted his eyes. Johnny felt the mob around him shift. "And what does that mean ?"
"Means that I know that you're covering your own ass right now," Moisty purred. "Don't play games with me ; you've never been the brightest out of the two of us. Be at least smart enough to recognize that. You're the one who spun the heroes' attention on us with your little brand new alien trafficking ring. You've delved your hands into circles that surpass your manpower, Cresswell. They didn't care when it was cute little teenage girls that you sold ; but people from out there ?" He pointed towards the sky. "Different story. Different scale."
Johnny perked up. This was what they had been waiting for ; now, if only they could reveal some more info, like how they captured the aliens and where they were detained...
♪ Vrei sa pleci dar nu ma, nu ma iei
nu ma, nu ma iei, nu ma, nu ma, nu ma iei
Nu Ma, Nu Ma Iei, nu ma, nu ma, nu ma iei
Chipul tau si dragostea din tei
Mi-amintesc de ochii tai ♪
Mortified, Johnny reached for his back pocket to cut off the blaring ringtone coming from his phone. His gloved hands struggled to swipe the "end call" button and he swore as he hurried to turn off the phone instead.
He looked back up to find himself facing an astounding number of incredulous eyes. Of Spider-Man's, he could barely see the glint, but his murderous intent still radiated from them as the whole room focalized on the idiot who forgot to mute his phone.
That being said, he was pretty sure that he could catch a glimpse of some dude frantically putting his own phone on silent mode on the other side of the room, so he wasn't the only air-head here. He had probably saved this guy some embarrassment with his sacrifice.
He hoped he was thankful at least.
"Uh, sorry," the blond apologized with his best gravelly voice.
"Your boys are pretty indisciplined, I see," Moisty laughed joylessly. But Moby Dick's suspicious stare held more than reproach for an incompetent minion.
"When did you arrive ?" he asked.
In the deadly silence, he could hear Spidey's breath hitch. The question felt somewhat heavy, and Johnny hesitated before answering.
"With the others."
What happened next was instantaneous.
"DUCK !" Spider-Man yelled as he pushed Johnny behind the thugs closest to them, his shout nearly drowned out by the gunshot that echoed in the empty room. Someone let out a string of swearwords as the smell of blood and powder permeated the air.
Among the chaos, Johnny could hear the words "moles" and "pigs" spreading like wildfire. Spidey, who still had his fingers wrapped around his wrist, must have felt him about to flame on from the heat gathering beneath his skin, because he hissed loudly : "Don't. Too distinctive." Let them think we're undercover cops, went unsaid.
"How the hell am I supposed to fight then ?!"
From the corner of his eye, Johnny saw someone reaching to take out a knife out of the holster on their leg, and punched the dude in the gut so he could steal the weapon for himself. The blond, who was not looking forward to stabbing anyone, was suddenly overcome with the genius probably dormant in his genes as he caught sight of the single lightbulb in the room.
The knife he had borrowed may have been more adapted to cut some steak than to use as a throwing weapon, but even still darkness spilled in the room when it pierced the lightbulb, quick and accurate, surprising Johnny for the strength and skills it proved he had. All that heroing must have paid off somehow, he guessed.
He realized that he was just as blinded as his enemies when he couldn't tell in which direction he had to go now. There were the limitations of his genius.
Not only that, but the battle hadn't stopped, either ; the guy behind him tried to get him into a chokehold, and Johnny had to hit around him randomly to get himself out of the thug's hold. In the pitch black atmosphere, he could hear that Spider-Man had come to brawls with the mobsters around him.
Luckily, the place was too crowded for someone to try to shoot them without any visibility, especially as they had been at the center of the attention only for a few seconds before Johnny managed to break the lightbulb. Most of the criminals in the room probably had no idea where they were at this point. Johnny weaved around them so they could hopefully start to fight one another instead of ganging up on him.
Rumors of Spider-Man's enhanced senses must have been true, because once the Torch extracted himself from the mobsters surrounding him he only stood still for a brief moment in static confusion before he felt fingers slipping into his and start to drag him away in the midst of criminals shouting indistinct orders at each other (the gesture took him off-guard, but then he understood that it was the fastest way to get a hold of him wordlessly without coming of as hostile.)
Pushing and slipping between bodies, Johnny was just thinking that their improvised plan was going pretty seamlessly when Moby Dick's voice boomed :
"They're trying to run away, you buffoons ! Block the way out !"
Well shit.
Spidey screamed :
"They're going to the boss ! Stop them ! "
It was in the resulting turmoil that they finally managed to reach the garage door and break it open in two kicks. A thug tried to grab Johnny's sleeve as he half-fell in the opening of the door, but he brushed him off by squeezing the outlaw's hand between his arm and the cutting plastic of the new entryway. He did not held back his triumphant grin at the enemy's yelp of pain. Fucker.
Spider-Man let go of him as soon as they were out and they ran down the dirty street, immediately chased by a bunch of mobsters firing at them. A bullet passed far too near Johnny's cheek for comfort. Distance had its pros and cons.
"They won't follow us if we get to an avenue !" Johnny pointed out. He had to raise his voice to be heard above the sounds of gunshots. At midnight, the misty weather was in their favor, blocking out most of the street lights. Or maybe the thugs just had Stormtroopers-worthy aim.
"Too risky, we could lead them to civilians," Spidey argued back. In the action, the part of the scarf covering his mouth and jaw had slipped down to his neck. He looked like a video-game villain, with his dark hood and the black cloth almost fully covering his eyes. "We need to lose them in alleys."
The blond could see his point, but it seemed that each building they passed was stuck to its neighbor and left no room to form a maze of alleyways. They were beginning to outpace their pursuers, but he was getting tired. He took off his bandanna so he could breathe more easily and stuffed it in his jean pocket. He was used to flying, not running, goddammit !
After two turns, they finally ended up in a street with several tight passages. Johnny took off his jacket and threw it in a random alley, figuring that it would mislead their pursuers. The sound of feet hitting the pavement in a crazed race was distant enough that they could run past a few of them before Spidey chose one to duck into. Johnny followed him.
Shouts echoing behind them indicated that the enemy had reached the street parallel to their alley. They had barely made a few steps in it when they noticed their mistake. There was no dumpster to fit into, no part in the wall jutting out so they could hide behind, not even a deep windowsill to jump onto. And, most importantly, it was a dead end.
"Let's go up !" the vigilante whisper-yelled at him, already craning his neck to look at the rooftops he wanted to reach.
"We don't have time, they'll see me if I flame on !" Johnny was starting to panic, brain spinning in all directions. They couldn't get discovered now ; if the traffickers knew that the FF were after them, they would lose all element of surprise and lower their chances at rescuing the captured aliens. The voices were getting nearer.
"Shit, they're coming, quick-"
But Johnny didn't let Spider-Man finish his sentence. He grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him against the wall. Spidey offered no resistance, bewilderment twisting his mouth. Johnny put his left hand on the other man's cheek, purposefully obscuring his face from the mouth of the alley.
"Trust me, I have a plan."
"What ar- mmph !"
Spider-Man jerked away from his lips, but Johnny's arm -wrapped around his lower back- didn't let him get far enough to actually break the kiss. One of Spidey's hand rose to his shoulder -no doubt to push him away- but the footsteps and exclamations got dangerously close to their hiding place, and Johnny tilting his head to mask it behind the vigilante's seemed to be enough for the latter to get on the program and not blow their cover by yeeting the blond on the opposite wall.
Instead, his other hand came to rest at Johnny's hip, stiff and tense. Some of the enemies passed by the alley without stopping, but they could still hear others scourging the street, so they didn't let go of each other.
It was terrible. Johnny tried to move his lips against Spider-Man's unresponsive (and cracked) ones, but the man had gone frozen between the wall and the blond's body. It was like trying to make out with one of those dummy for CPR practice. One who hadn't brushed its teeth after its last snack (not that Johnny had, either, but still).
"Hey, you two..." a voice grumbled suspiciously from the entry of the alley. The blond heard him take a few steps towards them. Shit.
This spurred Webs enough to react and start to respond hesitantly to Johnny's press against his lips. Sensing an opening, Johnny bit down slightly on his lower lip. Spider-Man didn't get the hint, so he started to suck on it insistently, then changed tactics and slid his tongue against his lips and teeth, pushing slightly, which had the unfortunate effect of spreading spit all over both heroes' faces.
Finally, Spidey quivered in his arms and opened his mouth enough for Johnny to slip his tongue inside to intensify their 'loving' exchange, despite the fact that Spider-Man's tongue didn't react to any of Johnny's caresses against it.
It felt drooly. Oh god. Was he actually licking a dead slug ? He hoped that Spidey wasn't one of those mutants who had freaky poison abilities or he was going to die for sure, if that experience alone wasn't enough to do it. At least he couldn't feel any hidden pincers (yet?). He slowly brushed his tongue against the man's palate to make sure. Okay, no fangs masked behind his row of human teeth. The vigilante shuddered and let out a near-unintelligible whine. Woops, had he tickled him ? Crap, the thug was still getting closer. Crap crap crap.
Johnny sneaked a leg between Spidey's and got a few muffled "Mn ! Nnnh !" for his efforts as Spider-Man was crowded even further into the wall. Ouch, he probably just bumped the back of his head against the building. Oh well. Johnny figured it would look like things were heating up to an outsider. In reality, the back of the hand he'd slipped around Spidey's waist made the regrettable acquaintance with a chewing gum which had been abandoned there.
Yuck.
Luckily, the thug apparently mistook the vigilante's indignation as moans of arousal and retreated quickly, yelling "Nothing to see there, just a couple of fags sucking face !" at his companions. Just to be safe, the blond continued his exploration of the wall-crawler's mouth.
He could feel the man's chest rising in a rapid rhythm against his. He couldn't tell if the fast pace of his breathing came from the fear at being nearly found out, anger, or simply the fact that the vigilante didn't know how to fucking breathe while kissing.
It was, quite frankly, the worst make-out session that Johnny had ever experienced. And that was counting his first one with Cathy Jeener, back when he was ten and innocent.
At least, both of them had been awkwardly trying to brush their tongues against each other's in a manner that would feel good ; Spider-Man was still refusing to move his. Johnny was sure that this heathen even had his eyes wide open under that wretched piece of cloth. What the heck, how could he be such a disaster at this ?
After was felt like hours but had probably been only a few seconds, the noises from the street dissipated and the blond was able to pull back, wiping the thread of saliva still linking their lips from his mouth. Gosh, he was so relieved that this was over. This kind of plans went far smoother (and hotter) in spy movies. Johnny felt lied to.
Spider-Man was gaping at him like he had just burned a class of kindergarten children in front of him while cackling maniacally.
"Wow, you're so bad at this," Johnny observed objectively and eloquently.
"You... you..." the vigilante sputtered.
The blond raised his hands in a defensive gesture. "Hey, you can't say it didn't work ! They're off our backs !"
Spider-Man also raised his hands.
To strangle him.
"YOU STOLE MY FIRST KISS YOU FUCKING BASTARD !"
Oh.
Oh.
Well that explained a lot. And also raised a lot of questions. Johnny's stomach first got warm and tingly, and then it suddenly lurched as an horrifying realization dawned on him.
"Oh no. You must be so ugly. I can't believe I kissed an ugly dude," he said around the fingers squeezing his throat in a death grip. Spidey started to shake him.
"Shut UP ! SHUT UP ! You fucking... you... I was saving it for someone I like ! It has nothing to do with my looks, you dumb SHIT !"
"Well, if you've never dated anyone, it miiiiight mean that you're physically repulsive. No offense." He grabbed the vigilante's wrists to try and pull his hands away from his throat. He was unsuccessful. Right. Super strength.
"It doesn't ! I'm just- young !"
"Now you're making up very weak excuses. I'm younger than you," Johnny pointed out in a raspy voice. Was that how he was going to die ? Choked to death in a dirty alley by Spider-Man ?
"NO YOU'RE NOT !"
The blond's heart nearly jumped out of his ribcage. He stared at the vigilante, who mercifully stopped tried to shake his brain out of his ears, let go of him brusquely and started to walk away.
"Wait," Johnny blurted, going after him. He accidentally shot into a metallic trash lid in the process, sending it spiraling noisily on the dirty ground. "Spidey. Web-head. How old are you ? Spides ? Are you my age ? HEY, answer me ! Spider-Maaaaan-"
"Holy heck you're so annoying," Spider-Man (Spider-Teen !?) hissed. He'd toned down the vulgarity. Good sign.
"Come on, you can't say something like that and leave me hanging," the blond insisted. "You know, if you don't tell me your age, I'm just going to assume that you're twelve."
"Twelve !?"
"There are precocious twelve years old. They grow up so fast nowadays, you wouldn't believe. Fine, maybe fourteen. That still makes me an older brother figure to you."
"An older brother who just shoved his tongue down my throat ?"
"Point taken. I can be your older, more experienced, wiser pal, guiding you on your quest to adulthood..."
Spidey stopped stomping abruptly. Johnny nearly slammed into his back, side-stepped him and leaned over so he could watch the vigilante's jaw twitch a few times.
"Oh my god. No. I'm sixteen, okay ? I'm your age." Then the wall-crawler pointed an accusing index at him, fuming. "Don't you dare share that information with anyone. For some reason people think that I'm in my twenties or even my thirties, and I intend to keep it that way."
Wow.
This was one of the greatest days of his life.
"Okay," he accepted brightly.
"Okay ?" Spider-Man repeated warily.
"Okay. I'll keep your secret."
He tacked on a wide smile for additional charming effect.
It didn't work on the infamous web-slinger, who twisted away from him with a huff. The poor soul obviously couldn't handle his mind-blowing beauty.
"THERE THEY ARE ! I KNEW I HEARD SCREAMING ! GUYS !"
The yell took them both by surprise as they stepped out of their alley. The outlaw who had alerted his buddies looked like a deer caught in headlights, frozen in the middle on the street as he took in the sight of the improbable duo focused on him.
He evidently hadn't planned that far ahead and instantly regretted drawing attention on himself.
"Oh fuck, that's the Human Torch," he said.
Spidey had the time to kick him unconscious before they were swarmed by a dozen or so of mobsters.
Oh well. Might as well conduct the interrogation with fiery fists, now that the cover is blown, Johnny thought as he flamed on and Spider-Man started to send webs everywhere.
Later on, that night, as Johnny laid in bed, eyes closed and ready to drift of to sleep, a foreign thought accompanied by a feeling of pride and giddiness stretched his lips into a triumphant grin. He turned on his back to stare at his bedroom ceiling.
"Heh. I'm Spider-Man's first kiss."
Score.