Chapter Text
Zenitsu. College. Broke. Has an ungrateful bird named Chuntaro who would keep pecking him despite giving him the absolute best bird food.
Worst of all, no girlfriend.
To be fair, dating probably shouldn’t be a priority considering the fact that one of his qualities was broke, but he already had a very loving brother willing to still support him while he waded through college life (and by loving he meant absolutely ruthless, but he digresses).
It’s probably not a good idea to keep mooching off him, but he’s doing his best to stand on his own feet soon. Zenitsu’s already got three different part-time jobs lined up for this exact reason.
So yeah, maybe, actually, he’s not broke? He’s got a decent amount of cash on hand, but it isn’t enough to cover his expenses. College books and the projects were a pain to fund. He’ll acknowledge broke-ness as a second priority, just because thinking about it was sending him into another downward spiral of existential depression.
Anyway, back to the first and foremost priority, a love-life.
Zenitsu’s first love was in the form of his kindergarten teacher, which was treated pretty tamely by his grandfather at the time. His second was at first grade, then the second at second grade, then third--
Basically, all he had were crushes and no actual relationship experiences to boast off. This was an especially challenging status to have because literally everyone at college have, had, or is dating somebody. Even Inosuke.
Inosuke. The bone-headed, parkour loving idiot had a girlfriend. Or at least a tentative one, as Aoi would insist.
What a world he lives in.
So, coupled with his desperation and coming birthday (he was turning 25 for fucks sake) he might have made an impulsive decision.
The decision being, using a dating site.
It may seem weird that he’s never used one before, considering his absolute need to have a girlfriend, but Zenitsu was a romantic at heart. He believed in love at first sight and all of the other tropes you’d see in the cartoons and movies. So naturally, a dating app where you’d just swipe to gain a match didn’t fit his fantasies.
Still here he is, phone in hand as he joins his brother on the couch, staring at the log-in screen.
"This is supposed to be the part where you stop me.” Zenitsu half whispers to himself and to Kaigaku. Mostly to himself.
His brother scoffs, mouth full of chips. “Well.” He leans over and pats the blonde on the shoulder condescendingly. “Being the supportive big brother I am, I say go for it.”
Supportive his ass. He knows this is going to go wrong. “Do you not realize that this is a terrible idea.” Zenitsu still has the gall to say.
“Says the guy who suggested it.” Kaigaku quips.
Point. “I was trying to make a joke.” The blonde whines dejectedly, trying to earn some sympathy. All he wanted was for his big brother to reassure him that no, the love of your life will come soon! You’ll just have to wait! And then he’d go live on for another day.
Instead, what he got was this demon egging him on to register at some sketchy website he found on page two of google.
“Clearly it didn’t work.” Kaigaku snickers as he interrupts Zenitsu’s thoughts. “Register your damn email already.”
The blonde hisses when Kaigaku tries to reach over and tap the screen. “I’m not logging on to some shady dating site!”
“It’s not shady! And it’s not some dating site.” Kaigaku clicks his tongue and uses his strength to grapple the phone out of his brother’s hands. He eventually manages to yank it out the blonde's grasp, then proceeds to furiously tap in some basic info. “It’s just a bar that holds mixers every now and then.”
“Yes.” Zenitsu heaves a breath. “Predominantly with men over the age of 30.” He stresses.
Kaigaku raises a brow at him. “What? Are you saying you won’t ever be 30?”
“I won't be thirty for another six years!” the blonde shrieks, the talk about age hitting a sore spot.
“So?” His brother can’t help the laugh that slips out when Zenitsu gets all riled-up. “You’re all adults, just say men over 30 isn’t your cup of tea and they’ll back off.”
The blonde forcefully leans back on the sofa and crosses his arms petulantly. “And what if they don’t?”
His beloved brother, Kaigaku, without a hint of humour just says: “I’m legally allowing you to murder someone.”
“Niichan.”
Zenitsu stares at him.
Kaigaku stares back, bemused.
Zenitsu stares harder.
Kaigaku breaks the eye contact first, sighing. “Look.” He twirls the phone idly. “I’m worried about you, and gramps is currently rolling in his grave because his grandson doesn’t have a love life yet.”
“That’s not funny.” Zenitsu says, finding it a little funny. Their grandfather really wasn’t the type for seriousness after all.
“No it’s not.” Kaigaku repeats patiently. “At this rate, Ukogi’s the only one you’ve got.”
Zenitsu, feeling a bit lenient now that their grandfather has been brought up in the conversation, meekly looks up at Kaigaku from below his lashes. “Is that such a bad thing?”
Kaigaku stares at him for a bit, thinking something over, before handing him the phone and ruffling his hair affectionately. The form is submitted and done, Zenitsu notes bitterly.
“Just one night.”
The blonde only hums and pretends to shy away from his touch.
This was going to be some night.
And what a night it was.
He arrived there expecting to find himself in the company of some pretty women, but all he found was a bunch of old men buying each other drinks and drunkenly singing over the jukebox. It was Zenitsu’s fault for being a little late, but it was only a few minutes! How did they get drunk so fast?!
And what’s with this kind of atmosphere?! Wasn’t this night for the youth?!
Turns out, the bar wasn’t too strict over the mixer rules and just allowed anyone past the legal drinking age to join, so most of the people attending were salary men; taking advantage of the opportunity for free drinks.
Zenitsu could only join them in their banter and laughter rather awkwardly. He cheated his way out of drinking by secretly asking for juice from the bartender, though. Kaigaku had warned him not to get too drunk even though, and he quotes ‘I could ride over there in fifteen minutes and kick some ass’.
If Zenitsu was going to be honest, though, it wasn’t that bad. Even if this wasn’t the most romantic mixer, he did find himself entertained by their ludicrous stories and grumbling. Some of them griped about work (“My boss owns the apartment building I’m renting and now he’s increasing the rent! Just because I forgot to greet him ‘ good morning’ today!”), some about their current marital status, (“My wife dotes on the dog more than me...”) , or just about a random happenstance (“Did you know a flasher flashed at me once and I flashed back?”).
All in all, Zenitsu can say he’d gained some life experience himself, and even felt a little sad that he had to bid these people good night soon. They however reassured him that they’d still be there for the next mixers to come.
Zenitsu can only smile patiently hearing this. He knows he admitted to enjoying his time with them but he needs to do the thing he came here for! And that is to look for a date! Please don’t let him suffer through the single life any longer!
As if sensing his sensitive thoughts, one of the old men pats him on the back and reassures him that he’ll get his chance soon, and that they’d back off if another girl visits the mixer next time. Zenitsu’s heart cries. Please don’t!
He knows for a fact that ‘backing off’ meant suggestive glances and giving said girl a whole essay about how ‘Zenitsu is the bestest boy’, just from how he remembered gramps did it.
He finally leaves when it gets too late, and they bid him goodbye with varying levels of enthusiasm. The bartender also nods at him, a pleasant smile on his face. Come back soon, he says.
Zenitsu feels oddly fulfilled, despite not getting what he wanted for the night. Yeah. Maybe he will come back soon.
When he pushes his way out the door, he finds himself feeling a bit lonely faced with the sudden silence of the night. He stands there for a moment; staring up at the sky and watching his breath turn into small white clouds. Man it was cold. He probably should've worn thicker clothes, but fashion comes with sacrifice and his sacrifice tonight was warmth. Wasn't worth it, though, because there were no girls to compliment him on it.
He’s in the middle of debating whether or not to call Kaigaku to pick him up when he hears frantic footsteps approaching him, feeling a bit spooked, he turns to his left and immediately prepares for impact.
I have no money! He screams in his mind, scrunching his eyes closed.
“Excuse me!” Instead is what he hears, followed by rushed panting.
…What a nice voice.
Zenitsu blinks his eyes open, surprised to find this man clad in black standing right in front of him, struggling to steady his breathing. He has a mask on and a fedora haphazardly thrown over his head. He looks as suspicious as people with their faces half-covered do.
If Zenitsu’s being honest, he would have ran as fast as he can the minute he sees this kind of get up, but right now, his gut tells him otherwise. Like a voice telling him that 'this guy is not a burglar', the opposite of a survival instinct. That or Zenitsu had finally broken down and earned himself a good old case of apathy.
Either way, he doesn't move an inch when the man bows politely, “Sorry. I’m not, uh, late for the gathering, aren’t I?” He says, sounding sheepish.
Late? You’re beyond late. Though Zenitsu probably shouldn't give him too much shit about it. He was late too, albeit a bit earlier than this guy. The blonde just vaguely nods. “Oh, uh, it just ended.”
“Just my luck.” The stranger sighs, hands on his hips and eyes closed.
Zenitsu reassures him, feeling a bit bad. The guy looked like he really wanted to be there. “It’s okay, you didn’t miss much.” Just a bunch of old men causing a ruckus honestly, if anything, he felt like he walked into a pub earlier than a mixer.
The man perks up at his words. “Oh! Were you one of the people who went?”
“Yeah.” Zenitsu surprises himself at how easily he can talk to this strange looking fellow. He even offers a hand to him for a shake. “Zenitsu Agatsuma.”
Then, as if by slow motion, the guy removes his mask and cheap looking hat to reveal the best looking man he’s ever seen in his life. His smile is like the sun, only intensified by how the moon seems to shine down on him with just the right angle.
The brunette grasps his hands in a firm shake. “Tanjirou Kamado.”
Zenitsu chokes.
“Right. N-Nice to meet you.”
Now this is something he could brag about with the old men. Him, a broke college student, meeting the century’s biggest millionaire and entrepreneur in front of some shabby bar. Don’t these kinds of instances only happen to the lucky ones?
Maybe he was starting to get lucky. Or this was his luck's last hurrah before disappearing and letting him suffer for the rest of his life.
Nevertheless, it’s happening right now and Zenitsu should probably let go of his hands lest he wants it to go clammy. He inhales and shakily takes his hand back.
Keep calm, Zenitsu. First impressions are always everything, and rich people are the hardest to leave impressions on. Not that he learned it from experience, rather, he learned it through countless rom-com movies. As one does.
Meanwhile, Tanjirou acts like he isn’t a celebrity that has more important things to do and keeps the conversation up with Zenitsu. He appreciates it, really, but he swears he's going to get a heart attack the longer he stays in this man's presence--
“Are you about to go home?” He asks gently, cutting through Zenitsu's panic. “I have my car with me, we can--”
Zenitsu tries not to scream very loudly at his suggestion. You can’t just offer people on the street a ride in your car! “What? No--” His voice cracks in the between his stuttering, “No, uh, it’s okay. I’m fine.”
Tanjirou frowns and the blonde has to fight the instinctual need to make it stop. “Really?” He almost whines, “I don’t really mind,”
“It’s a bit,” Zenitsu takes a minute, unable to form any sentences in the presence of such a ridiculous situation. He could’ve handled this if it was a girl, but a guy? A rich (and attractive) guy? “I’ve only just met you.”
Zenitsu shouldn’t have said that.
Like a switch, Tanjirou brightens back up immediately. “Then, let’s hang out for a bit, if you have the time to?”
“I--” The blonde feels the air leave his lungs all at once. What’s with this scenario?! “Why?”
Tanjirou Kamado can have any company he’d want in the world that is not him, why is he so hell-bent on getting him to talk? Is it so fascinating to talk to some kid standing alone in the dark?! Were the rich always this interested in mundane human life?
Now that he thinks about it, that description sounds suspicious. Was he being mistaken for something? Mr. Millionaire, pardon him, but he doesn’t offer that kind of service!
Tanjirou answers, ignoring the mental breakdown Zenitsu is going through. “Well, I missed the mixer so I don’t really know what to do with myself, right now.”
Ah, of course. The titular rich boredom, Zenitsu grumbles. He doesn’t want to be used to pass time for some rich guy.
“And I want to make at least one friend out of this evening.”
Zenitsu bites his lip warily. Friend.
He really shouldn't just go along with this guy's whims, he knows he shouldn't because stranger-danger and he's pretty sure Tanjirou has the power to hide his body incredibly well, but Zenitsu is a nice person who couldn't say no. Plus, Tanjirou looked very sincere with that smile and how can he say no to a simple friend request?
So far, from what he’d heard from the gossips and news, Tanjirou was an absolute angel. He doubts somebody who’d be willing to donate 99% of his money and power to those in need would be so bad. Wouldn’t hurt to still be cautious, but he's sure enough of the information he has to prove that the brunette in front of him wouldn't just murder him in cold blood or something.
After much deliberation, which actually doesn’t take too long in real time because he doesn’t want this guy to wait, Zenitsu shrugs. “Sure. Why not?”
Tanjirou beams, and before he can have the opportunity to shield him from such a blinding sight, he’s whisked away into the evening by his new ‘friend’.
The next morning, Aoi stares down at him in disappointment, sipping her order of frappe with extra whipped cream,
Zenitsu’s face is planted directly unto the freshly wiped table.
“I’m weak.” Is what he says.
“We’ve established this.” Is what Aoi replies, leniently.
Last night was the most he’s been exposed to expensive clothes, expensive food, and expensive living in general. Tanjirou took him to the city in the guise of doing some chores, what he didn’t know, was that rich people chores were really just another name for buying the absolute fuck of everything.
The brunette had said that it wasn’t for himself, though. His little brother was getting his own house soon and he wanted to help buy some house warming gifts. Gifts, emphasis on the 's', was an understatement. He wouldn’t be surprised if Tanjirou just bought the entirety of the mall for his brother.
Zenitsu himself was even asked what he wanted, in which he politely offered a hard ‘no’. You can’t just buy people stuff on the first date day, Tanjirou! What if he was a scammer? A gold digger? he was neither of those, but seeing the brunette be so trusting of him, it makes him wonder how easily swindled this guy was.
In the midst of his reminiscing, Aoi interjects. “I thought you hated guys in their thirties?”
Zenitsu lifts his head up from the table lightning fast, an affronted noise coming from his throat. “It was Tanjirou? Kamado?!” He pauses for emphasis.
Aoi doesn’t buy it. “Weren’t you the one who said ‘money doesn’t matter, only love’?”
“Well--!” He has no reply to that.This is why you should think before spouting some bullshit off the romance novels you read, Agatsuma.
Aoi takes another long sip from her drink, staring at him suspiciously, noting his wild eyes and prominent blush. There’s a glint in her eyes when she finally speak up again.
“...You didn’t fall in love at first sight again, did you?”
“No!” Zenitsu’s heart almost explodes at the admission. Zenitsu might’ve been charmed by his smile, his kindness, his voice, his-- “Absolutely not! Aoi, my heart is as straight as an arrow!”
“You do know an arrow bends and twists in the air because of aerodynamics.” Aoi is quick to shoot him down as always, raising a brow to challenge him further. “Right?”
Zenitsu, unable to follow up his stupid argument, only continues to whine in gibberish as Aoi gives him the look. She stops teasing him though and steers the conversation into something much more comfortable, but the blonde knows she's stashed the topic for the future and will continue harassing him over it.
Eventually, he gets called back to his post behind the bar when she leaves, and subjects himself to another hour of boredom just staring at nothing and occasionally wiping the counter down. This part-time was both a blessing and a curse, since the long intervals between customers meant more time for any left-over homework he had, but that also meant long bouts of staring at nothing when he had nothing in queue.
The bells chime and he shoots up from his seat immediately, eager to serve and do something. He puts on his best smile and greets the customer cheerily, that is until he sees who it is.
“Zenitsu?”
Oh no.