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There is a brief moment where they’re both eighteen, when Sokka bursts into the Firelord’s quarters after a rather heated dinner with his advisors with a plan. The guards at Zuko’s quarters had let him past without a thought. The two were great friends, and often found time to visit each other. When Sokka burst in with an incredibly important idea, he was immediately stopped from his likely case of word vomit as he noticed Zuko’s stance.
He was sitting at the dressing table in his spacious quarters, tears in his eyes. Sokka’s arrival startled him as he noticed the other boy, a vision of blue in the red toned room.
“Zuko?” Sokka’s voice came out a little rawer than he had intended. He knew the dinner had been tough on Zuko, could tell how easily the older members of the committee were still anxious about the young boy leading an entire nation. Sometimes he felt like he could feel the weights upon the young ruler’s shoulders.
“Oh, uh, Sokka!” Zuko scrambled to gather himself as he turned and stood up to meet Sokka across the room. “Sorry, I didn’t see you come in.”
“Are you okay?” Sokka asked immediately, the warm feeling he always had around Zuko spreading up through his chest.
“Fine,” Zuko added a bit of a smile for effort, but it felt futile.
“Zuko,” Sokka shook his head, leading them over to a futon in the room. He sat on it and motioned for his partner to do the same. “It’s not fine. Tonight was tough, more than usual. I’m glad I was visiting to see it. You’ve got to... I don’t mean to tell you how to run your country, but you have to fire them. They spent the night attacking you.”
Zuko looked like he was going to sob, and although it had not been the first time the young boy had seen Zuko cry, this looked like it was going to be the first one he had witnessed that was deeply rooted in such great pain.
“Hey buddy, talk to me. Look, I’m sorry I barged in, but I think I’ve got an idea that will solve all of this. Fire your advisors. Appoint people from all over. From the Northern Water Tribe to the Southern. I can be the Ambassador to the South, both because I’m your friend and you trust me, and because it will probably serve me well until I’m made chief.”
“You want me to fire everyone so you can be my Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe?” Zuko couldn’t help but smile a bit, Sokka’s nature always made him feel more at ease.
“Uh, yeah?”
Zuko ruminated on it for a moment before deciding that he simply couldn’t do anything right now. “Sorry,” He whispered, the sound barely reaching Sokka’s ears. “I’m so... I can’t be what they want. When Mai and I broke up, three months of dinners were about trying to set me up with another fire nation girl. When I changed the law on marriages, they accused me of being gay and threw insult after insult, and when I outlawed the Agni Kai, I thought it was over. I’ve had more assassination attempts than I can count on two hands, Sokka. I just... Agni, Sokka. I’m so tired. I’m only eighteen. I’m still a kid, aren’t I?”
Zuko began to cry then. Big, choking sobs racked through his body as he thought about everything that happened to him. He needed to get rid of the advisors, had even let one or two go, but they sent assassin after assassin. This was no way to live. Sokka, taken aback by the mention of the assassination attempts, felt his heart break in two as he held Zuko closely to him, hugging him carefully, as though he may break.
“Zuko,” He whispered to him as the boy sobbed, “You did that stuff because it was important to you. You changed the law for Mai and Ty Lee, for my dad and Bato. Zuko, so many people can finally have what they want because of you. Outlawing the Agni Kai was important to you, rightfully so, and no one will ever have to suffer again. You’ve saved generations of kids to come.”
Zuko continued to cry against him, but Sokka just remained silent. This was the moment in which would forever change his life as he knew it, the moment in which he knew he was wholly in love with Zuko. The grip around Sokka was still tight, but as Zuko began to calm down, Sokka’s hand stroking his hair, Zuko eventually pulled away, his eyes swollen from the attack.
“Thank you,” He whispered hoarsely, turning red from embarrassment. “I don’t...” He stammered on, trying to find pieces to put together, but he could find nothing. Sokka was staring at him expectantly, willing him to speak when ready, and Zuko felt that pull again.
He’d first felt it when they’d gone to Boiling Rock, the soft touches and gentle ways he had helped Sokka to free his then girlfriend and father had stayed with him. Sokka was always there for him, too. He’d come without a second question if Zuko were to complain about safety or another advisor dinner in his letters. They were the greatest of friends, and were doing the painful task of growing up with so much trauma to share. The feeling still pulled him to Sokka, but tonight it was very strong. He’d recognize the feeling later as love.
A crazy idea swirled into Zuko’s head then. One he wasn’t sure how he had concocted, and one he wasn’t sure was going to be a good idea. Seconds later, Zuko’s hands were cupping Sokka’s face as he pulled him in for a swift kiss.
“Shit,” He cursed, immediately pulling away, “I’m sorry.”
“What are you apologizing for?” Sokka looks incredulous, like he could drown.
“Kissing you, I just... guess I got too worked up. I’m so sorry—”
Sokka threw caution and inhibitions to the wind as he pulled Zuko to him, kissing him again. The first had been tentative, a quick peck against flesh. He wanted Zuko to see that if they were going to kiss, he was going to kiss him with everything he had. There was teeth at the end, something firstly as sweet and innocent quickly turned passionate and animalistic as the young men fought for the best angle, the best way to attack the other’s lips.
“Agni,” Zuko pulled away first, “Sokka?”
“I’ve been wanting to do that forever. Fuck,” Sokka admitted, lips swollen.
“I...uh, me too. Yeah,”
There was a short silence that followed before Sokka spoke up again, too nerved up by the events at hand and by Zuko’s frantic appearance. “What now?”
“I don’t know,” Zuko answered, fear ripping through him like a knife.
“We can be whatever you want. Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do.”
“You want to be with me?”
“Is that so impossible?”
“Uh, yeah?”
“Zuko. You of all people should know my type. Royalty who can kick my ass. Duh,”
Zuko laughed, then straightened, serious once again. “Sokka, we can’t be together. As ruler of the Fire Nation, I am expected to produce an heir, to marry a woman. I changed the law, yes, but I can’t... I can’t be with any men. Even if it’s you. Sokka, if I was to be with you, they’d assassinate you.”
Sokka frowned, realizing the gravity of the situation at hand. They were young, they were emotional, and Zuko was running a country. In a matter of years, Sokka would be running his own. It would never have worked out.
“And I’m in the South Pole,” Sokka agreed, reasoning painfully with Zuko. “I have to take over as chief when my dad retires, and you’re here in the Fire Nation...”
“And I can’t ask you to leave your people, and you wouldn’t ask me to leave mine.”
“We sound like we’re putting off a proposal,” Sokka joked, trying to lighten the mood.
“I really like you Sokka, but I don’t want to be with you, even for a little while, if I can’t be honest with you. You’re my best friend, and I wouldn’t want this to ruin our friendship. I have liked you, honestly, for years, and I don’t want this to destroy what we have. But we can’t be together. It’s just not in the cards for us.”
It was Sokka’s turn to want to cry. One kiss, and Zuko was already breaking them up. They hadn’t even gone a noodle date yet.
“What if we weren’t together?” Sokka asked, knowing his next question was going to destroy him. “And we didn’t see each other, we see whomever we wish, but we stay friends. We can stay friends that, you know, kiss, on the side.”
Zuko mumbled something that sounded like “I like you” as he tackled Sokka’s mouth.
———————————
The next moments are over various years, but it is when they are both at Aang and Katara’s wedding, aged 27 and 26 that Zuko feels like he’s on fire. He was used to being warm, the Fire nation was always too hot for most, but for him it had always been just right. And now, he was hot, dreadfully so.
The entire Southern Water Tribe was a frozen tundra of ice and snow, something he could never enjoy very much. But tonight, at Katara and Aang’s wedding, the place was warm enough to melt the ice beneath them. He couldn’t begin to count how many people had arrived, and he’d lost track after the ceremony. He’d sat by Toph, whom he whispered to in great detail about how Katara and Aang looked. They were beautiful, and their love even more so. The whole ordeal had been like a fairytale.
Zuko had also been placed next to Sokka, whom was happy to sit by his best friend. Suki was by Toph, and Hakoda sat next to Bato by Sokka. The whole ceremony had been beautiful. Zuko had shed a few tears. His best friend’s love was so pure and astounding to him that he was constantly taken aback.
It had been years since the war, and the evidence was all around him. People from all different areas of life were happily talking and mingling together, a celebration in itself. He ran into several of his ambassadors, chatting kindly and professionally to them each. The only ambassador he had any real connection with was Sokka, anyways.
Having finished food, cake, congratulations, and dancing with various members of the wedding party—Suki, Ty Lee, Mai, and Katara—but not necessarily in that order, Zuko felt ready to turn in. He was barely even tipsy, but the night was growing late, and he had to get back to the Fire Nation early tomorrow morning. He scanned the room, and could only find the happy couple, sweating profusely from their extravagant dance floor display, and the bride’s father, smiling brightly at the couple as Bato placed a hand of great affection on his shoulder. Zuko walked towards the pair, wanting to thank them for the great time he had had at the extravagant party.
“Firelord Zuko!” Hakoda smiled, and went to bow before Zuko could stop him.
“Really, Hakoda, you don’t have to call me Firelord. You can call me Zuko,” Zuko returned the gesture, “I wanted to thank you both for tonight. It was really wonderful. I’m sorry I haven’t been back in so long.”
“Oh, we get it, son.” Bato’s eyes crinkled, “You’re very busy, duties to your country and all. We’ve actually been meaning to thank you.”
“Me?”
“Yes,” Hakoda answered, putting his hand around Bato’s waist, the blatant display of affection so overwhelming to a young man who could never show everyone that in the same way. “Once you outlawed the marriage laws in the Fire nation, we were officially married everywhere, not just the Air, Water, and Earth nations.”
“Uh... you’re welcome, yeah.” Zuko smiled, still unused to people actually thanking him for how he was ruling the country.
“My son says you two are always very busy when he goes up there for his Ambassador duties.”
“Oh, yes.”
“What all goes on? I know Sokka mentioned some school curriculum, but there must be other reasons he’s going up there, right?”
“Uh...” Zuko felt his face redden, and he was hopeful that in the lights of the wedding, the couple wouldn’t see his bright red cheeks. “Yeah, I mean, we have a monthly meeting with all the Ambassadors, and then they each take separate projects to work on and where they ask for my help with things. I’ve actually got to leave really early tomorrow since the Earth King needs me to stop some companies from drilling oil out of their sacred mountains.”
“Fascinating!” Hakoda looked honestly interested, and then his eyes grew wide with love that Zuko knew was saved only for his children. “Sokka!”
“Hey, Dad!” Sokka greeted, “Dad,” to Bato, and the tall man laughed wildly.
“Zuko was just telling us he’s got to leave early tomorrow for the Earth Nation. Do you have to as well?” Hakoda asked, obviously distressed from the prospect of his son leaving so early.
“Nope,” Sokka shook his head, “I’m not due for another month.”
“It’s been really nice to see you all,” Zuko added, trying to steer himself away from the conversation so he could go up to his room. “I’ve got to turn in.”
“I can walk you to your room!” Sokka offered, and Zuko visibly straightened, the sight caught by the two older Water Tribe members.
Zuko’s response was drowned out as Aang, whom he was quite sure had never really been this smashed before, had stopped dancing in the middle of an intense number and grabbed a microphone from one of the sides of the giant igloo. “Baby,” He cried into the mic, and the group he was in had a mixed reaction of cheering and grimacing, “You’re my forever girl!”
“They’re disgusting,” Sokka laughed, “You want me to?”
Zuko could feel Bato and Hakoda’s eyes on him, and he wasn’t sure if they knew, or if they suspected, but he figured it probably wasn’t a safe bet. His guards were hard enough to convince. “It’s alright. I’m sure the guards can do it.”
“They look like they’re having fun,” Sokka offered, pointing over to Zuko’s guards, who were laughing and dancing on the floor. Zuko hated to break them up, knew how hard they worked and how much he hated to see them worried over him.
“I can take care of myself,” He supplied, “It’s your sister’s wedding.” He tried to emphasize the last bit, hopeful that his partner, if he could even call him that, understood.
“As the Firelord’s most trusted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe, I cannot allow you to do that, Firelord Zuko.”
Zuko rolled his eyes, turned to Hakoda. “See what I have to deal with? You’re the only ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe, idiot.” He grumbled, and Sokka laughed.
Hakoda tightened his arm around Bato’s waist and the taller man felt it too. The tension between their son and the Firelord was quite palpable, to say the least. Hakoda had suspected for years now that something was awry between his son and the Firelord. The desire to visit the Fire Nation more was what had set the blaze, but clearly they’d been burning together for a long time. Hakoda’s brow furrowed, as Sokka had brought home news merely months ago that Zuko was to be wed to a girl named Ataraya.
“Come on,” Sokka whined, “Bye guys!” He waved to his parents, and Bato immediately turned to Hakoda once they had left.
“I thought he was engaged?”
“I did too?” Hakoda shook his head, “Sokka told me he’s getting married in a year.”
“You think we’ll see Sokka again tonight?”
“No.”
The two watched as the pair left through the tent’s large flap, and no one had seemed to notice the split except them. Hakoda made note to ask Sokka first thing tomorrow about it all.
Thinking over the party, Zuko turned to Sokka, his cheekbones alight in the moon’s radiant glow. Wherever they seemed to be, the moon always illuminated Sokka. Yue was always at important events in his life, her spirit watching over him. Zuko thought it was beautiful.
“Your father and Bato... I’m afraid I was too obvious.”
“Don’t worry. Dad’s a little drunk. He won’t remember it in the morning. Besides, you always worry about being too obvious. But we’re not a couple, so, you know, it’s fine.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t been back in so long.”
“No. You’re busy. Firelord duties, and all.”
“I’m happy for your dad and Bato. I had no idea how good they are together.” He wanted to ask desperately if Sokka was seeing anyone, what they were like. Sokka had extravagant taste in women, and they were always beautiful, smart, and extremely capable of kicking ass. He still was trying to decipher what he liked in men. “So are you seeing anyone?” He asked, knowing the answer would devastate him.
“Not anymore,” Sokka shook his head, “I mean, I was seeing Haru for a little bit, but we both decided we were better off as friends, you know?”
“H-Haru?”
“I know, right? Weird,”
“Haru?”
“I thought you knew?”
“Uh...” Zuko’s mind was racing, thinking of the yearly dinner they’d had where Sokka had asked to sit by Haru, who normally sat near the end with Teo. He should have realized. “I didn’t know he liked guys.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t know you were gay, either.”
“Well, I’ve only ever seen one guy. But it wasn’t long, and then he tried to kill me.”
“Wait, are we dating? Did we date?” Sokka laughed his booming laugh, and Zuko felt his skin erupt in flames. “Cause I don’t remember that. I know I hated you before we did that prison break, but I don’t remember trying to kill you.”
“Uh.. well, no. I... no, it wasn’t you. Jet. It was Jet.”
“No way!”
“Uh, yeah, well, we stole some food when we were on the ship to Ba Sing Se, and then we just kissed for awhile. I, uh, well then he tried to kill me in Uncle’s tea shop.”
“Damn. And I thought Haru and I were bad together.”
“Definitely not my best day.”
The hotel looked bright before them, all ice and snow and hard edges. “So, how much longer until...” Sokka stopped himself, the question too personal to ask in front of a hotel. Zuko was his best friend, but the question still felt wrong to ask in front of his newest addition to the Southern Water Tribe’s rebuilding efforts.
“Sooner than I like to think.”
“Can I come up?” Sokka interrupted, “It’s just... I haven’t seen you in a year, and I’ve missed you, and they won’t miss me at the party, and I—I don’t know. Can I come up?”
“It’s your sister’s wedding,” Zuko offered, since he knew when they were together, he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of him.
“Zuko,” Sokka gave him a look that turned Zuko’s cheeks crimson. “I miss you.”
“Okay,” Zuko nodded immediately, “Yeah.”
They stepped into the hotel and engaged in some textbook banter over ambassadorial duties. No one at the hotel batted an eye as the two rode up in the elevator, Zuko’s skin itching to be against Sokka’s. As soon as the two had slipped up to Zuko’s room, a huge suite fit for royalty, Sokka pulled him into a bright blue chair. “You look so tense. Calm down, baby.”
“Sorry,” Zuko whispered, the heat coiling in his stomach explosive. He loved the man next to him, but he could never tell him. A couple of years ago, Sokka had started calling him things like baby and sweetheart, and they’d never talked about it, and he never wanted to ask. The heart was a painful place to fool around in. “Been stressed lately,”
“This is our place. Nothing to stress about here.”
“Until it’s over,” Zuko mumbled, and he felt Sokka tighten beneath him, his muscles having gone from relaxed to rigid.
“Until it’s over,” He agreed.
“Kiss me.”
Sokka hoped that no one could hear the pounding against his chest. The words had always been bubbling beneath the surface. I love you, I love you, I love you. But instead, he swallowed it all down, pulling Zuko to him, the two fitting together perfectly, like they always did.
Zuko couldn’t respond for a moment, felt like the Earth was caving in as he pulled Sokka closer and closer to him.
“Fuck, Zuko,” Sokka swore, pulling apart slightly to get the Firelord’s robes off, “I’m right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”
Zuko hummed in response, but Sokka can tell it didn’t register. He clearly had more on his mind than a trip tomorrow and a fun party tonight.
Zuko reached up to his pin, undoing the knot and letting his long black hair cascade down his back. He shifted in his suit a bit, the parts that were still on, the red blending strangely well with the blue he had his tailor add for the occasion. He shrugged his remaining robes off, and quickly unbuttoned his shirt, Sokka’s lips pressed to his neck.
“Zuko...”
“Is this alright?” He asked, straddling Sokka on the couch, his hands playing with his friend’s painfully high cheekbones and chocolate hair.
Sokka couldn’t help himself. The way that he had gotten himself into this mess he would never forgive, but Zuko was sprawled against him, wanting him, and Sokka could have nearly died if not for the beauty of it all. He pulled him in for a kiss, passionate as the last but a more delicately angled approach, and he could feel Zuko melting against him. The two kissed longer, Sokka’s hands exploring the muscles against Zuko’s back, and Sokka felt like combusting.
“Take your shirt off,” Zuko said, coming up for air, a trail of his spit on Sokka’s lips.
Sokka obeyed at once. “Yeah.” He grinned, and nicked at Zuko’s earlobe, causing the boy to let out a low gravelly moan. “Next time,” He said, and felt Zuko’s skin erupt in goosebumps, “Let me unbutton your shirt.”
———————————
It’s four months after Aang and Katara’s wedding that Sokka barges into his father’s office, panting from what looks like a run. Bato looks up from his place next to the bookshelves. Aang is there too, freshly back from his honeymoon travels and helping with restoration efforts. Hakoda upon seeing Sokka puts down his work. Whatever calculations he needs to get done, he’ll do them later. Sokka looks relieved, but also very frantic.
“Hi, Sokka!” Aang grins, and Sokka wonders when the young boy had grown so old.
“Hi, Aang,” He greets in return, the excitement itching against his skin.
“Hello. What do you need, Sokka?”
“Sorry to interrupt official business, guys. I’ve just received a very important message from the Fire Nation.”
Bato put the book he was looking at back in its place, and leaned against the shelving. Hakoda shot him a look, and turned back towards their son. “Emergency ambassadorial meeting about oil drilling?”
Sokka paled, visibly. A fatal flaw, his son could never lie. “Uh, yeah, kind of? Well, it’s not really... um,” Sokka scratched his head, another bad habit in trying to form a lie. “I’m going up there with the others for a few months. Lots of school curriculum has to be changed, and Zuko wants to take us around to visit with the people most effected by Ozai’s rule.”
“What? I didn’t get a letter!”
Sokka grimaced, “Well, maybe it hasn’t come yet? I’m not sure. He mentioned I might have to stay longer, since there’s so much to teach about the Water Tribe to their people. I’ll also be a good resource to people who were suppressed for so long under Ozai’s rule, since I witnessed that pain first hand.”
“Well, if he wants all that help, Katara and I could come with. But we’ve still got to clean up a lot of different air temples. Then we’ve got to go fight off some people in the Eastern Earth temple. They’ve been having socialite problems. Let me know. I can move our schedule around.”
“No, you don’t need to come with me.”
“Why not? I haven’t seen Zuko in awhile, I’ll come.”
“Aang? Would you mind leaving Sokka and I alone for a moment?”
“Oh, sure!” Aang smiled, still sweetly oblivious. “I’ll go see if Katara’s doing alright.”
“I’ll come too,” Bato spoke, and Hakoda gave him a grateful smile. Bato knew just how to distract the eager young air bender for a little while.
Hakoda raised an eyebrow at that, because it had been four months since their wedding, and made a note to ask about that later. He had to deal with one sibling at a time.
“Why are you really going? When are you coming back?”
“I don’t know. About eight, nine months. Then I’ll be home for a long time. It just has to be longer for me, because, like I said, I’ll be a great bridge for those people to talk about their problems and what the Fire Nation should do in terms of reparations.”
“You’ve never been gone that long.”
“I know. It’s not ideal, definitely, but I feel like I owe it to them. It’s my duty as the Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe.”
“Is that really why? Sokka,” Hakoda sighed, “You’re going to take over here in a matter of years. I’m not telling you to forgo leaving, but I just want you to be honest with me. Why have you been spending so much time there? Aang mentioned earlier that Ambassadors only meet every three months. I know you lied to me. I know you both lied to me.”
“I...”
“You can be honest with me, Sokka. I’m your dad.”
The next response from Sokka surprised Hakoda immensely. Sokka’s eyes teared over, and he frantically reached to wipe them. He could tell that his son was desperately fighting with himself over the words he knew without asking. He knew why his son must go, but he had to hear him say it.
“Well,” Sokka wiped his eyes again, feeling foolish that these emotions were bubbling over when he was 24. “Zuko’s getting married in about that time too, so he wants me around for helping with preparations. Wooo! Sorry, think I got something in my eye.”
Sokka wiped his eyes again and straightened, and Hakoda saw the mask set into his skin. He must have been lying successfully about it for years.
“Right, his wedding.”
“Yep!”
“I know that’s not the reason, Sokka.”
“I’m not lying.”
“I just want you to be honest with me!”
“About what?”
“He’s getting married, and you can’t handle that. Right?”
Sokka stiffened, “I mean, he’s my friend. I practically lost Katara when she got married too. I certainly lost part of Aang. I’m kind of sick of my best friends getting married.”
“Do you love him?”
“Dad—he’s my friend. Of course I love him. I mean, I love Aang and Toph the same way.”
“Well, when you’re ready to tell me, tell me. I can’t bear to see you so strung out all the time. I just want you to be safe. I want you to be happy.”
“I am. Safe and happy. I’ll be fine.”
“Is that all you wanted to tell me?”
“Uh, yes. If you’re done antagonizing me...”
“Sorry. I just want to know what my son’s doing at the Fire Nation for so long.”
“It’s all fine, Dad.”
“When do you leave?”
“As soon as possible. Tonight, even.”
A knock came to the door, and Hakoda barked for whomever it was to come in.
“Well Sokka, Katara and I can’t go. We are going to be busy. Like, reallllly busy at the Eastern Air Temple. Lots of stuff to do there. Tons. We are going to be so busy. Won’t have time to do anything but come to Zuko’s wedding. Sorry about that! Just, you know, with Katara being pregnant and all, I don’t really want her to be flying around all the time.”
Hakoda coughed, “With Katara being what?”
———————————
“Come on,” Sokka breathed against Zuko’s neck, the two pressed close within his quarters. It was an ungodly hour of the night, and he could tell Zuko was weary, but it wasn’t stopping their rhythm. “You gonna cum for me baby?”
Zuko moaned, and Sokka knew he wasn’t going to be far behind. Once he’d discovered Zuko’s love of pet names in the bedroom years ago, it had stuck. Soon they were both sputtering, and Zuko moaned out something that sounded like “I love you” into Sokka’s chest. That made everything even more blurry and confusing, and Sokka crawled off softly, hands falling against the lush, ruined carpet in Zuko’s closet.
Once their breaths had calmed, Sokka grabbed the towel he’d gotten ready earlier, cleaning the both of them up as best he could. “I hope that was good, baby.” He stood up, cleaning frantically and throwing things away.
“Perfect, Sokka. You’re always perfect.”
“I can’t believe you’re getting married in four days.” Sokka was glad it was dark in the room, and as the two padded back to Zuko’s bed, to gather themselves and kiss lazily goodbye, he felt his heart constrict so painfully he had to sit down. His eyes were full of shameful tears.
“I know,” Zuko replied, peeling back into his nightly robes. “I’ll miss you.”
“Miss you too. You’re my best friend. I’ll always miss you.”
“Sokka?” Zuko was facing away from him, pulling on clothes from the opposite side of the bed. “Sokka, I’ve got to tell you something.”
“I know,” Sokka said, not wanting to hear it, fearing he would risk everything with the slight beginning of the phrase that hung so heavily over them like glue.
“No, you don’t.”
“Zuko,” Sokka blew air through his mouth noisily and turned to him. “My dad knows. We can’t... we can’t risk anybody else finding out.”
“Your dad knows?” Zuko looked frantic, hindering whatever he was going to say.
“I didn’t tell him. I would never betray what we have by doing that. He just knew, I can’t explain it.”
“I was too obvious at the wedding.”
“Stop blaming yourself. I’m the one who had to make a flimsy excuse so I could come here and spend as much time with you before you get married.”
“I’m so sorry this is how things have always had to be, Sokka.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. We’re just... we missed each other. We’ll have a chance someday.”
Zuko looked at the man he loved beside him, horrifically aware of the feeling bubbling out of his chest. He couldn’t get married without telling him. There was a lot of weight Zuko could bear upon his shoulders, but the weight of his next words were too crushing to keep inside of himself. “Sokka, I love you.” He managed, carefully seeing the tears in Sokka’s eyes enlarge and fall upon his graceful cheeks.
Sokka’s eyes were full of tears immediately, and he gravitated towards Zuko instantly. Zuko reached out to touch his face, and Sokka lent perfectly into his touch, the other’s hands strong and soft against his sculpted cheekbones.
“I love you so much.” Zuko confessed, the hardly bound words flying off of his chest. Sokka whimpered beneath his hands, burying himself against Zuko’s neck. Zuko had been keeping the dreadful secret for years, and now, four days before his wedding, he’d decided to fuck his life up all over again. From Sokka’s reaction, the feeling was mutual, and it was Zuko’s turn for his eyes to fill with tears.
“I love you too,” Sokka confessed, tears in his eyes as he pulled away, and it was Zuko’s turn to burrow. “I have for years.”
Zuko was overwhelmed. He could never have guessed, with all the years and affection between them, that Sokka had loved him. They’d been friends with benefits for years, but they had always kept their feelings to themselves. Their friendship was a completely different place then their sex life.
“You mean everything to me.” Sokka whispered, pulling Zuko away from his neck and pressing his lips against Zuko’s. “I’d do anything for you.”
“I’ve loved you since we got your Dad out of prison. Zuko...”
“When you kissed me all those years ago, I thought I was going to die. Sokka, I’ve loved you for so many years. I don’t know why... I wish things could be different for us. I always have.”
“What if...” Sokka stopped himself. He had to get back to the Water Tribe, and Zuko had to run the Fire Nation.
“I wish we were just normal people, and we could run away from everything. And as much as I want to spend forever with you,” Zuko paled, realizing his massive confession, “I can’t. Ataraya’s pregnant.”
“What?!”
“Sokka, Sokka!” Zuko held the other boy’s face in his hands, trying to calm the look of sheer terror upon his face. “It’s not mine.”
“Is that why you had to move up the wedding?”
“I didn’t know until this morning.”
“So you’ll have to pretend, then. That it’s yours.”
“I don’t have a choice. Neither does she.”
“Is that why we were at it for so long?”
“I don’t know how to deal with all of this,” Zuko confessed, tears spilling out of his cheeks and a choking sob flying past his lips. “I don’t want to be a father, Sokka. I can’t be a father. I don’t even know how to be one, let alone a good one.”
“Zuko,” Sokka shifted so that he could pull the boy into him, and then they laid down on his bed, a rare occasion after having sex. They normally said languid goodbyes, but something was pulling them together like a magnet tonight. “You’d be an amazing father. You shouldn’t worry about it now, anyways. You’ve got months to prepare, and Iroh will be a great help. We’re all here for you.”
“I’m going to be awful. Agni—what if I’m like my—“
“Baby,” Sokka kissed his forehead, “You’re nothing like him. You never will be.”
“I can’t believe I’m giving up everything I’ve ever wanted.”
“I’m...”
“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”
“I love you.” Sokka pushed some stray hair out of Zuko’s face, tucking it tenderly behind his ear. “And I’m so sorry about everything. I should go, before anyone fears some suspicious.”
“Can you stay?” Zuko’s eyes meet the ocean, and he felt like he was going to be sick. “Just for tonight. I just... I want to fall asleep with you once, before I never do again.” Sokka was too weak to not oblige.
———————————
“Sokka!” His father’s voice rang out, “Good to see you son! Excited for today?”
“Oh! Um, I guess so, yeah! Zuko’s been really planning everything and I’ve been helping out lots. I helped pick some floral arrangements and I designed the seating too. I’ve done actually quite a bit of organizing for this wedding. Feels like I should be getting married to Ataraya instead.” Sokka laughed, and Hakoda found the mask he wore nearly imperceivable to look through.
“You look great,” Bato commented, smoothing out a label on Sokka’s wear. “Very sharp.”
Sokka had chosen to wear red for the marriage, which to him seemed a bit like a funeral. He was exhausted, irrefutably so, and the events of having Katara and Aang arrive early, with his nephew Bumi was certainly a wonderful distraction for him while his heart was aching so painfully within his chest.
“Sokka!” Aang called, the boyish charm of the young man before him was infectious, but he could sense some worry from the boy. “Crisis!”
“Well, gentlemen,” Sokka bowed, laughing as Aang tried to run while still carrying his son, “Duty calls.”
“Sokka, it’s a fucking madhouse in there. Iroh won’t stop fussing and the bride’s father is having a cow and I’m trying to keep everyone calm so Bumi sleeps through the whole thing. Otherwise, he’s going to go insane.
“Why isn’t Katara in there?”
“Oh believe me, she is fixing another crisis down the hall.”
“Ataraya?”
“She’s pregnant! It’s a shitshow over there.”
Sokka laughed, the first in a genuinely long time. “I know.”
“You know?”
“Zuko told me a few days ago.”
“Wow. I’m his best friend and he doesn’t even have the decency to tell me.”
“Hey, hey, hey, I’m his best friend.”
“I can’t believe he told you before he told me. Zuko tells me everything.”
“You want to know something even crazier?” Sokka paled, unsure if he was to tell Aang this, but knew he would keep his word. “You can’t tell anyone, okay?” Aang nodded justly in response. “It’s not his.”
“Oh, shit!” Aang began to laugh nervously, and the two gathered in the area where Zuko was being immensely fussed over. Iroh was meandering through Zuko’s robes, and the bride’s father, whose name had escaped Sokka, was running around crazily.
“You look so handsome, son.” Iroh was smiling, and Sokka felt his heart drop down to his feet. The wedding was in five minutes, and he felt like throwing up all over his newly purchased shoes, special for the occasion. Iroh had tears in his eyes, and he was beginning to feel the weight of the situation at hand.
“She’s pregnant?!” The father of the bride was shouting, and Zuko looked like he was torn between crying and having a sweet moment with his uncle. Clearly, he was not going to have a moment to do either.
“Sokka!” Iroh cheered upon first glance, a look that meant he was happy to see him and that he needed help. “Can you…” His voice trailed off, and Sokka looked down at his wrist watch. Two minutes until show time.
“Everybody, out!” He called, “I’ll fix this.”
“You can’t fix my daughter. How irresponsible,” Her father grimaced, but Aang graciously let him out, Iroh following happily behind.
“Alright buddy,” Sokka said, not wanting to make eye contact with him as he fixed the things Iroh had mussed and ran his hands over the soft, dark red fabric. “You look great. It’ll be perfect. Everything’s going to go according to plan.”
Zuko looked at him, tears welling in his eyes as Sokka fixed him up. Zuko’s heart was so full of love for someone that he didn’t love that he could barely stand it. To raise a child at nearly 29 was not something that he wanted to do. He needed time, he needed space. He needed Sokka. Sokka in return would have done anything, been putty in the Firelord’s hands, but the times and been so elusive. There was so much entropy in the situation that Sokka felt like he was going to burst into tears at any moment. The two were worse for wear, but Sokka patted him on the shoulders, and Zuko swallowed down the lump in his throat.
“I’d save you a dance but…” His voice trailed off, and Sokka nodded, cupping his face: a tender moment in the whirlwind.
“Go get her.”
———————————
Sokka slid in next to his sister as the bride was walking down the aisle. The crowd was overcome by her beauty, and even Sokka had to take a moment to suck in some air before realizing that he was losing the only person he still had left to love to her. He had been in plenty of wonderful relationships before, from Yue whom he often talked to and was always there for him to Suki; who while she was no longer romantically available for him, they did exchange letters like old friends every once and awhile. He loved her, and he loved Yue, but he also loved Zuko; much more than he had ever planned. Watching her walk down the aisle was gut wrenching.
“Sokka?” Aang whispered, sleeping baby in his lap, “She’s beautiful. I’m so happy for them.”
Sokka hummed, turning to glance at Zuko. If he was overcome by Ataraya’s beauty, he was stunned by Zuko’s. Zuko had looked good mere moments ago, but watching him stand motionless as a beautiful woman walked up to him was like looking at him for the first time all over again. He had seen him plenty of times before, the first as he stormed his small village. The first time he had really stopped to look was when Zuko had offered to travel with him to break Hakoda out of prison. He was so beautiful, the joke of going fishing so funny to Sokka he couldn’t help but write it on the note. Watching him was like watching a beautiful night surrounded by the moon’s light on the open, fresh snow; a breathtaking sadness to the sight of immense beauty.
Sokka tuned out for the rest of the ceremony, the bride making her vows and doing her part as she read off the paper Sokka had written for her. He had written cheap, unassuming vows. No one was to know that they were artificial, that the relationship between the two had soured so much in the past week that friendship in the marriage was probably beyond the question.
“Zuko?”
The name drew Sokka back in, noticing silently that the whole room was waiting for Zuko to repeat the vows of love back to her. He could sense a tension in the room, and his heart started hammering fiercely against his ribs. All he could think of was the last time they had been together, how after everything had happened and he was nearing sleep, Zuko had said: “I don’t want to fuck my life up. I’m so tired of doing so.”
Sokka had gone to bed, not worrying about it. They were meant for another life together. He wanted to govern the Southern Water Tribe, and Zuko wanted the Fire Nation. Neither were much alike any more, but with Zuko’s rule, they were growing closer every day. To Sokka, the idea of simply being around Zuko made his head dizzy, thinking of a life spent long distance was terrible. But if there was ever a doubt that he would be willing to try it, they had vanished years ago when they’d kissed in the closet at Aang and Katara’s engagement party.
“I’m sorry to everyone who came out today.” Zuko began, turning to the crowd, addressing his audience. There were people everywhere, filled to the absolute brim of the throne room. Guards, select reporters, noblemen, Iroh, the last few of the evil members who had ruled during Ozai, and friends. The motley crue seemed to raise an eye of suspicion as they inhaled collectively together.
“I am not getting married today.”
“Zuko!” The bride cried out, and chaos erupted. The bride’s family seemed to collectively swoon into a faint like state while Zuko’s family and friends erupted into talkative chaos. The reporters and officials were silently brooding and curious, respectively.
“Oh fuck,” Sokka heard his father mumble behind him, “He’s gonna… fuck.”
Sokka whipped around to see what the deal was, and by the time he had, a huge fireball had been thrown down the aisle, frightening the guests into silence and turning their attention back to the firelord.
“As many of you know, my time with Lady Ataraya was solely perpetuated by my Father’s esteemed followers and officials. Many of you may also know that I have been firing them as they disagree with my new positions on running my nation. The old days are over, and my heart does not lie with the arrangements which have been previously constructed for me.”
The silence in the audience was audible enough that certainly a pin could be dropped. Sokka wanted to repeat what his father had said. Oh, fuck indeed. He silently begged Zuko not to go on, to get married and throw away whatever insane plan he was going to embark upon with his next words.
“I think you’re a good woman, Ataraya. But I do not love you, and you do not love me. We have different interests, different pursuits, different loves.”
Sokka wanted to shrivel himself up to the size of a pen, sticking himself within the confines of Katara’s bag, where no one would ever find him. “Fuck,” He grumbled, and Aang immediately turned to him.
“This is so juicy! What do you think will happen next?”
Sokka couldn’t make up a bad enough answer before descending into the ground as Zuko spoke his next lines, which had been previously unrehearsed, and had not been crafted from Sokka’s own pen.
“As many of you know, I have many world Ambassadors to help bring peace to my own nation. I try to combine the best aspects of each culture so that children in my nation will grow up with a full education of what horrific crimes their grandparents or parents were parts of. As a leader, it has become my duty to serve those who do not have a voice, to serve those whom have been looked down upon. Early on in my reign, I chose to legalize the marriage of any two peoples, and I have seen the great effects from my earliest days. I receive many letters of gratitude, which make up for the amount of hate I receive for the allowance of the law.
“Two of my greatest friends, Mai and Ty Lee, were able to live their lives to the fullest and get married because of this law. With this law, people like Chief Hakoda and Chief Bato could be married throughout every land, and get a license in every nation. This law was so deeply important to me, more than I ever let on, because it was so personal to my beliefs and my ways of thinking.
“I have always been interested in men, and so when I received massive backlash from allowing the marriage between any two peoples, I chose to hide my own secret from my nation for years. It was unjust of me to do so, and I now recognize my mistakes formerly. However, this is not why I have gathered today. Why should anyone waste a good wedding?”
Aang was nearly bouncing out of his seat with excitement, “Katara,” Sokka heard him whisper, “He’s going to let us get our vows renewed!”
Sokka wanted to fall into the cracks on the floor. He pinched himself to make sure he was still apart of the earth beneath his feet.
“What many of you may not know, unless you are one of the Ambassadors in this room, is that I have a very good relationship with the Southern Water Tribe. Katara, Hakoda, and Bato have been invaluable leaders to their place of residence, while Katara does split time between nations; their advice and honorable way they have been so patient with me has always been a great pleasure. Many of those close at my hand may also know that I have very good repor with the Ambassador of the Southern Water Tribe, Sokka.”
Sokka desperately wanted Katara’s handbag to puke in, no matter how much of a romantic gesture this was.
“Ambassador Sokka has been a very dear friend to me since I was first accepted into our friend group, Team Avatar. It was surreal for me to be so young, so inexperienced, and to blindly put so much trust into someone. Upon becoming friends with Sokka, we shared a night of breaking his father, Chief Hakoda, and his girlfriend of the time, Suki of the Kyoshi Warriors, out of prison. It was a daunting task, and had never been accomplished at Boiling Rock before. But Sokka was determined, and got what he wanted in the end. He quite often does. His ideas are invaluable to me as a leader of my nation, and I know that one day he will govern his even better than I try to govern my own.
“I am crushed that Sokka’s task of getting what he wants has been stopped. Sokka is a wonderful man, one I have been very intimately close with for years. I have loved him for what feels like a lifetime.”
Sokka started to feel tears prick his eyes, but he was also so caught up in how dearly depressed he was that he could barely pick himself up from the luxurious seats he had painstakingly ordered. He didn’t know if he should even stand up, as Zuko was still addressing his audience.
“The fact of the matter is,” Zuko finally turned to him, and immediately Sokka could see the fear and terror in the man’s eyes. This was taking every ounce of courage he had for the next few months. “I love Ambassador Sokka of the Water Tribe, and I have for many years. So it would be a great shame to me to waste an entire wedding that you planned, my dear.”
Sokka’s heart did a strange tensing feeling. He was the one that used pet names, and the one flying past Zuko’s lips made him want to grab him by the mouth in front of everyone. Slowly, he stood, sheepishly, as he could already hear the whispering, his father’s the loudest.
“I hid my relationship with Sokka for many years, and neither of us had put a label to it. I am the ruler of the Fire Nation, and Sokka will be Chief of the Southern Water Tribe. The distance is great, and we agreed many years ago that it would never work between us how we would want it to, so we saw other people, meeting monthly in semi-secret to share time together before realizing we had to go back to our own ways, our own lives.
“But every time he left, a gap within my chest filled larger and larger until it recently burst. I realized that I could handle the times he was away, and he could handle the time I was gone too. The main problem was that we were so caught up in ourselves and our lives that we hadn’t even truly confessed our love to one another. The problem with that was once I had said it, I knew I would never be able to stop.”
Zuko looked at him then, and in a voice he reserved just for Sokka, and not the audience, he pressed on. “Sokka,” He took the other man’s hands, pulling him up to the aisle as the bride and her family grew crazed, “You have been the love of my life since I was 16. You have been the dearest love I have ever known, and I want to spend forever with you, even if you can’t always be by my side. I know there will be hardships, conspiracies to have either of us murdered are probably already flying, but I know one truth. I love you, and I have loved you all my life. I will love you in my next. Will you please marry me?”
Sokka was drawn to a mess of violent tears as he didn’t answer, pulling Zuko close and kissing him tenderly. The crowd remained silent as they awaited a reply, and Sokka just hummed out a “of course” in response, too overcome to do anything more.
Within minutes, the Firelord was kissing him again, and Sokka’s world was all drowned out around him. He wanted to set himself ablaze with all the love he contained-it was multitudes.
———————————
A week later, Zuko was up with the sun, moving around in his room as he prepared for Sokka to leave. He was to be home in a few weeks, then would be back at the Fire Nation to make more plans for schools. Hakoda had also tasked him with doing the curriculum for the Southern Water Tribe, so Zuko knew his husband (a great delight to repeat the title over and over in his head) was working very hard.
But now, he was asleep, curling back against Zuko as he slipped back into bed, thinking a few minutes more could never hurt. He could wake up with Sokka’s arms around him every day of his life. But he knew he couldn’t have that luxury, so he settled for what he could get now.
“I love you,” Sokka mumbled, happiness dripping off of him and sticking like honey. All trepidations had been blown away as he interlaced his hand with Zuko’s. “But baby, I need five more minutes.”
“I love you too,” Zuko answered, so pleased that he had chosen a life path he had wanted, so happy with himself and his relationships that the urge to cry rose within his throat again.
“Baby,” Sokka laughed, a low grumble in the early hours, “No need to cry again. I’m happy to. I’m just as happy too. Even more so.”
Zuko mumbled something that sounded like “impossible” into Sokka’s hands, and promptly fell back to sleep, the overwhelming love surrounding and enveloping them. It was perfect. He loved every moment of their lives, and everything that was to come with it.