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Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark had an arrangement. It was an age-old one very close friends sometimes engaged in when they needed a little no-strings…relief. Basically, whenever one of them was feeling the need, they got together for a night (or morning, afternoon, any time of day, really) of casual sex.
The first time, it was a little awkward. For one, they were both nervous, and Peeta was pretty excitable and super chatty in bed. But other than that, they’d coupled perfectly. Peeta was giving and sweet‒always had been in every other way, so why not sexually?‒and it was certainly satisfying.
From then on, it only got better and better. Friends-with-benefits sex was pleasurable and easy, and neither one of them wanted to run out as soon as possible. That was another nice thing about their arrangement; there was no pressure. They simply loved being together, whether watching Netflix and eating Chinese food, at a baseball game, grocery shopping, or engaging in more amorous activities.
The sex was good, often sensual and tender, but occasionally, things heated up between them in the bedroom. They’d even gotten a little…adventurous at times, usually, Katniss’s doing, but Peeta was always game. Actually, he’d come up with some interesting exploits she wouldn’t have thought of.
But the real reason Katniss and Peeta’s sex life was so good was that they clicked. They were compatible, and Peeta could sense her moods. He always knew what she needed, when she needed it, and how. He respected her wishes and always did his best to give her exactly what she wanted. And more often than not, he succeeded.
Several weeks ago, Peeta had won a cruise to Hawaii in an incentive lottery at work, and he’d invited Katniss along. Naturally, she’d agreed, and they’d had an amazing time on the ship. When they got to port, they checked into their hotel room and decided to go out for a nice dinner and a drink. Just one of those fruity cocktails, a Bahama Mama or something, no big deal...
The next morning, Katniss awoke in the king-sized hotel bed to the sun glinting in her eyes through the partially opened drapes. Right away, she noticed that she was naked, and when she went to turn over, she felt the weight of an arm draped across her stomach. She wasn’t concerned about it. The man beside her could be none other than Peeta, and there was nothing strange about waking up in bed with him sans clothing, but she checked anyway.
It was Peeta. He was lying on his stomach, face pressed into the pillow, curls going every which way. Katniss smiled and brushed his hair back, and she took a moment to stare down at his handsome face that looked so peaceful and boyish in the mornings.
It always felt good waking up in Peeta’s arms, having his large, strong body curled around hers, the heat he radiated warming her bare skin. Contentedly, Katniss ran a finger over the smooth contours of his muscular back. She traced the ridge of his scapula with fascination, even though she’d seen it a hundred times, and she moved down the V-shape to the small of his back. She loved running her hands all over his back, his chest, too.
Last night had been different from all the other times they’d had sex, somehow. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it felt as though they’d connected on a whole other level, even more than they had after all these years. It felt like…like the perfect night, one she wanted to freeze and live happily in forever.
She wished she could remember it.
At some point, probably while she was lost in thought, Peeta had woken, and when she looked down, he was gazing up at her. Those blue eyes of his…
“Hey you,” he said, grinning.
“Hey.” She smiled widely, and he scooched up to press a kiss to her bare shoulder.
“Good morning,” he chirped.
“Good morning.”
He ran his lips along her collar bone, trailing all the way up her neck. She sighed as he nuzzled beneath her chin, and he gave her earlobe a nip before moving on to her lips. “Good morning,” he repeated, kissing her lips.
He moved back down her body then, spending time on her breasts and her stomach, his lips, tongue, and hands all equally active. She was sighing and squirming and growing more and more eager to flip him over and climb on top of him. It tickled deliciously when he nibbled the side of her hip, and that was the deciding factor. She wrapped one leg over his and ground against his thigh to satiate herself a tad.
They started rolling around, and she was giggling. And then Peeta moved to straddle her lower half.
Katniss had a brief, delicious feeling of happiness somehow connected with Peeta. And then…the nausea hit.
Her head was pounding, her stomach churning, but what Peeta was doing down below felt so good that she fought it. She ran her hands through his hair as she turned to look out the window. For some reason, it was just hitting her that they were in Hawaii.
“Look at that view.” She didn’t usually go for sappy things like sunsets and rises, but this one was truly incredible.
“I like this one better…,” Peeta said, gazing down upon her like she was the most beautiful creature in the world.
“Don’t get cute with me, Mellark. You know I’m tempted to keep going, but I have one hell of a hangover.”
Peeta chuckled. “Sorry, sweetheart.” Regardless, he moved back down, murmuring against the skin of her thigh, promising to make it all better. With a laugh, she challenged him to go ahead and try.
Amazingly, Peeta was able to distract her for a bit to where it almost seemed as though her headache had magically subsided.
When he finally took a break, he pulled back and gently scooted up to look into her eyes. “You know, not that it isn’t every time, and not that I’m bragging, but I have the feeling last night was pretty special…”
She gripped his hair, pulling him down for a kiss, and that’s when she saw her hand. She gasped.
“What?” he asked, concerned, knowing it hadn’t been a pleasurable one.
“Special?” she questioned. “Yeah, I’d say so…”
“What is it?”
She took a deep breath and turned her hand over, positioning it in front of his face. Peeta’s eyes nearly bulged out of the sockets at the sight of the shiny object on her ring finger.
“Is that…?”
Mutely, she nodded. And she took another look herself, just in case. There it was, plain as day on her finger, a silver wedding band fused with another band housing an iridescent pearl.
“Check yours,” she whispered shakily.
He did so. And he had a matching silver band of his own.
“Does this mean…?”
“I think so,” she said.
“We’re married!” they exclaimed simultaneously.
Good luck, thought Katniss. She couldn’t even begin to remember what he looked like.
Katniss and Peeta spent the next hour trying to recount what had happened last night. Unfortunately, they couldn’t remember much, and they ended up putting it on hold while they got ready for the day. Peeta didn’t even bother to flirt and suggest they shower together‒he knew she was too upset right now to bother‒and he let her take her turn first. While she braided her hair and stewed, he took a quick shower. Then he dressed and announced he was going downstairs to try and find the guy who’d married them and ask some questions.
“Well, I found the guy who married us,” Peeta said as soon as he walked through the door.
"Really?"
“Yeah. He’s the captain of the ship we came over on. Name’s Abernathy.”
Katniss thought back. Oh yes, she remembered him now. And she had to admit, she’d been a little afraid for their lives and for the hundreds of other lives on board knowing Captain Abernathy was at the helm.
“What did he say?”
“Well, I explained things to him,” Peeta talked with his hands, an action he did when he was nervous, “told him how smashed we were when we exchanged vows, and he said….oh, you’re gonna love this…‘most people on cruise ships are.’”
Katniss scoffed and gave a rapid shake of her head. “I want to talk to this guy. Where is he?”
“In the hotel bar downstairs.”
Figures.
Decisively, Katniss announced she was going to see him.
“I’ll go with you,” called out Peeta, trailing behind.
They found the old cruise ship captain easily. The paunchy, middle-aged, scraggly-haired man was seated in the same spot as Peeta’d left him.
When he saw them, he just barely raised his silver eyes.
“Well, if it isn’t the newlyweds,” droned Abernathy. He took a gulp from the iceless glass of white liquor in front of him. “How’s the honeymoon?”
Katniss rolled her eyes.
“Uh, Captain,” Peeta began.
“You can call me 'Haymitch,' boy.”
Peeta nodded. “Haymitch, about the marriage ceremony you performed for us…”
“Yeah, on the beach at sunset. Kinda cliché if ya ask me, but sure was pretty, and I did a fine job officiating if I do say so myself.”
Katniss and Peeta exchanged a look. She was quickly losing patience, but Peeta, as usual, seemed perfectly serene.
“It was, and you did,” agreed Peeta. Why was he placating him? wondered Katniss. “But…”
“But what?”
“But it shouldn’t have been done!” interjected Katniss. “It wasn’t legal.”
“I beg to differ, sweetheart. It was perfectly legal. We captains have that kinda authority, you know.”
Katniss groaned. “Even so,” she pressed her lips together, “how could you perform a legally binding ceremony on two people who were drunk?”
“What are you complainin’ about, sweetheart? Changed yer mind already? The boy bad in bed or something?”
“That’s not‒!” Both Katniss and Peeta blushed hotly. “It’s just, there’s…there’s nothing to change!” exclaimed Katniss. “I didn’t intend to marry him!”
Out of the corner of her eye, Katniss caught sight of Peeta’s wounded expression at her outburst, and she instantly felt awful. She hadn’t meant for it to come out so harsh; she was just frustrated. She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked sheepishly away.
“If I were you, sweetheart, I’d count yerself lucky. From what I know, you coulda done much worse.”
When she really thought about it, Katniss couldn’t imagine doing any better than Peeta Mellark. And if she did want to be married, he’d be the only viable option for her.
“Your personality being that of a dead slug and all,” hammered Haymitch, “I’d venture to say you were probably romantic as dirt until the boy said he wanted you.”
What did this drunken old captain know about her or anything?!
Katniss took an aggressive few steps toward Haymitch, but Peeta put out an arm to hold her back.
“What my, uhh…”
“Wife,” filled in the captain.
“Never mind that!” bellowed Katniss.
Peeta gave her a calming look, then turned back to Haymitch, clearing his throat. “What Katniss means is…we got married by mistake.”
Haymitch shrugged. “What’d’ya expect me to do about it?”
“Uh…” For once, Peeta was at a loss for words.
“Look, don’t blame me for you two’s mistake. All I gotta say is how was I s’pose to know you two didn’t really wanna be married? The way you was carryin’ on, hangin’ off each other, making goo-goo eyes at one another, kissin’ and touchin’ and givin’ ev’ryone quite a show, I thought it was pretty obvious you two was in love.”
Katniss and Peeta’s mouths dropped in sync.
Maybe there was something more to it, thought Katniss. Two people don’t just get so hammered that they get married for the hell of it, for pure entertainment purposes. Do they? There has to be something there, doesn’t there? Either way, she couldn’t see herself, or Peeta, making the suggestion on a whim.
“We’re-we’re…just friends,” stammered Katniss. She chanced a glance at Peeta. His face expressionless, he’d stuck his hands in his pockets and was staring down at the floor.
“Oh, sure,” drawled Haymitch.
“It’s true. We just have…this arrangement.” What the hell? Why was she telling this to a drunken cruise ship captain? She didn’t need to justify anything to him; it was none of his business! But why could she suddenly not shut up? And why wasn’t Peeta saying anything?
Haymitch held up his hands. “Whoa, whoa, don’t need to know anything about you all’s arrangement. Why don’t ya just go and leave me to drink in peace?”
“Not until you do something about this.” Katniss motioned between Peeta and her.
“‘Fraid I can’t. Might as well make the most of it. How was after the wedding, anyway?” Haymitch grinned wolfishly. “Feisty britches and baker boy. Did you two enjoy a little cake by the ocean?”
That did it!
Peeta dragged his hands down his face, the action causing him to miss Katniss lunging at Haymitch. She managed to grab his collar before Peeta realized. He wrapped an arm snugly around her waist and pulled her back against his chest.
“Hey, watch it, sweetheart!” the old captain gritted. “This is a brand new shirt.” He turned to Peeta. “Boy, keep yer woman in line.”
Peeta inhaled, air filling out his already broad chest and making it appear even wider. He stepped protectively in front of Katniss. “Don’t talk about her that way,” he said in a low, cautionary tone. Meanwhile, Katniss glared at the captain from behind Peeta.
Haymitch chortled. “See?” He looked to Katniss, gesturing toward Peeta. “Ya got a good one. Defends yer honor and all. Ya know, you could probably live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve that boy.”
That might be true, but…
“I don’t need someone to defend my honor,” growled Katniss. “And I don’t need your input on the matter. We just need you to undo what you did!”
“Sorry, sweetheart. I don’t un-marry people. If that’s what you want, yer gonna have to hire a divorce lawyer or, depending on yer religion, go to a priest or whoever does them annulments.”
Helplessly, Katniss looked to Peeta, expecting him to say something and magically rectify the situation. But all he said was, “Sorry to bother you, Captain” and he placed a hand on her back and began leading her away.
“Peeta,” she urged.
“What can we do, Katniss? Railing on the captain isn’t gonna get us anywhere. Let’s just…go back to the room and…and figure things out.”
Katniss heaved a sigh and allowed Peeta to walk her to the elevator.
Back in the room, Peeta occupied himself with tidying up, checking the guidebook and the weather, adjusting the air conditioning, basically anything he could to avoid talking about the matter at hand. It annoyed Katniss.
“Why did you bring me here, Peeta?” she suddenly blurted out.
She watched his lips part as his head snapped toward her. “Excuse me?”
Katniss sucked in a bit of air and let it out slowly. “You heard me.”
“Why?” Peeta gave a short, sardonic laugh. “Because you’re my best friend, and I thought you’d enjoy it.”
“It wasn’t some kind of ploy?” She couldn’t believe she just said that.
“A ploy?” Peeta’s brow furrowed up, and he folded his arms tightly over his chest. “What are you insinuating, Katniss? Do you think I pulled some kind of con on you?”
His voice was rough and a bit shaky; he was clearly angry.
He had every right to be.
In her heart, Katniss knew she was speaking nonsense. It wasn’t Peeta’s fault they’d gotten married, at least not all his fault. It took two to tango, of course, but she was freaking out, and she needed to expend that frustrated energy somehow.
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Maybe you were hoping to…”
“To what? Get you in the sack? Have crazy-wild sex with you on the beach? Well, Katniss, let me remind you that we did that, but it was just a bonus. Although, I must say it’s not the fantasy the movies suggest it is, and the sand still up my nether regions can vouch for that.”
Katniss’s lips curled up. She had to concur. Even two showers hadn’t quite gotten it all.
“Besides, it’s not like we’ve never slept together. And if you’re suggesting I planned some elaborate ruse to trick you into a marriage you must think very little of me.”
“I don’t think that.”
“Then why are we having this conversation?”
Katniss huffed. “Just…just because…I-I don’t know what to do now!”
So many thoughts were rushing through Katniss’s head, about what to do and say and where to go from here. Most of her thoughts, she realized, centered around losing Peeta. Would this ruin things between them forever? Would they no longer be best friends but ex-spouses who couldn’t stand one another?
“Of course I had hopes, Katniss,” Peeta said softly. “But even if nothing romantic happened, I knew I’d still enjoy my time here with you.”
Way to twist the knife in the gut, Peeta.
Katniss wrung her hands, staring at a spot on the carpet. “I think this was a bad idea.”
She heard Peeta’s exhale.
“Are you actually blaming me for this because I invited you on an all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii?”
Her eyes snapped up to him. “No. No, I’m not. And if that’s what you care about, then, fine. Tell me how much it was.”
Peeta shook his head. “You don’t want to know.”
“Tell me, Mellark. I don’t want to owe you anything.”
“You don’t.”
“I do!” she shouted. “For lousing up your vacation!”
With a sigh, Peeta ran a hand through his blond waves, plastering them back. “You know my company is paying for the whole thing for me and a guest.”
“Well, you could’ve taken another woman.”
“What ‘other woman’?!” Peeta lost his cool, then. “You were the one I wanted to go along with me, the only one I wanted!”
Katniss gripped the chair, glimpsing him from beneath her lashes.
Peeta took a breath, collecting himself. “You’re always the one I want with me, okay. I never like being parted from you, Katniss. Maybe that scares you, but it’s the truth. And as far as other women go, don’t you know that the few women there’ve been have just been extremely poor substitutes for you? Distractions to get me by, so I don’t lose my mind when I see you with another man or want to break down and cry because you don’t love me back.”
Katniss was floored. Peeta loved her?
She couldn’t believe it. How had she never noticed, even when the signs had been plainly before her on so many occasions? Why was it only now, after his confession, that she saw these things, and moreover, realized she might just feel the same way?
The confusing feelings she’d been having for Peeta off and on over the past year or so…the way she focused on his long, golden lashes and watched his hands at work when he was baking or painting…the way she never wanted him to leave her bed in the morning…all those things meant something, didn’t they?
I do, Peeta. I do love you.
She desperately wanted to tell him, but she couldn’t. Not just yet. She wasn’t ready to admit just how long she’d been harboring such a powerful need for him. For the longest time, she’d felt a kind of love for him, the love one has for a family member or a dear friend, and of course, there was their strong mutual desire. But at some point‒she didn’t know when, sometime in the past year or so‒it’d changed, morphing into a deeper kind of love, the kind one feels for their lifelong mate, the one they want to share everything with and never be parted from…
But she hadn’t realized it was that until now.
Rather than say it directly, she told him, “You’re the only one I want with me, too.”
He smiled faintly, and she smiled back. But then the weight of the whole situation hit her all over again.
“Why did this have to happen? This is terrible…”
“You’re right, it is,” mumbled Peeta.
Somehow, she hadn’t expected him to agree. She’d expected him to put a positive spin on it or something. If he loved her, didn’t he want this? But no, he’d agreed. And it was like a kick in the gut.
He must have noticed the expression on her face because he approached her and laid his hands on her shoulders. “Oh, I don’t mean being married to you is bad, Katniss. Not at all.” As if he’d read her mind, he added, “Don’t listen to what Abernathy said.”
Okay, so he’d quelled that worry, but there was still the matter of him thinking this was terrible. Yeah, she’d said it first, but still…
Peeta released a long exhale. “Thing is, Katniss, I missed it. Our wedding. I knew it was probably never going to happen, but if it did, I certainly didn’t want it to be the result of a drunken night. I wanted it to be real.”
“What?” She took a shaky step or two backward.
“Yeah.” Peeta slapped his hands against his sides, his eyes flickering away. “To be honest, I’ve thought about marrying you plenty of times. After we properly dated, of course. I imagined how I’d ask and your reaction and what it would be like having you as my wife. And now, here we are, and I missed it.”
He met her widened gray eyes. “The real tragedy here, for me, is not that we’re married; it’s how we did it.” He thinned his lips. “I wanted to remember every last detail of our wedding, and I can barely register whether or not I wore pants.”
Katniss smiled a smile only Peeta could bring about in such dire straits.
“I’ve wanted more than friends-with-benefits with you for some time now. Well, since I’ve known you, really.” He took a deep breath. “I’m in love with you, Katniss. There, I said it. I know you don’t want to hear it and it’s not what you want, but I’ve wanted to say it for a long time. I was just…scared of how you’d react. I guess there’s no need to hold back now that we’re married.” He gave her a weak smile.
“Peeta…”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to say anything. I know very well that we’re just friends and that’s all we’ll ever be. You said so yourself. To Abernathy.”
“That was just‒”
“You don’t have to explain. Sex or no, it’s not like I’ve been deluding myself all these years. I knew all along you never wanted that, and least of all with me.”
“Why least of all with you?” she asked.
“Well, because…”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re…you’re a…so…any woman would be lucky to have you.”
“But not you, right?”
The dejected look on his face made Katniss’s eyes sting.
“…I’m scared, too, Peeta,” she admitted, blinking back the moisture forming in her eyes.
“Don’t be. This can be fixed. I’ll make it right.”
She also needed to do right by him.
“Will you just let me speak, Peeta?!” She raised her voice and balled her small fists at her sides, effectively silencing him. “It’s like you said…I never wanted to be married. It’s not about you; it just wasn’t for me…”
“I know.” He moved over to the bed and plopped onto the edge of it. He folded his hands and stared down at them. “I’m sorry I got you into this.”
Katniss released her breath, and she went to sit beside Peeta. “It’s not your fault. I’m to blame just as much as you are. For…,” she paused, “more than just the marriage.” He looked up at her. “If you recall, the whole friends-with-benefits thing was my idea in the first place.”
“But if you think it was just sex for me…it wasn’t. I was attracted to you, and I felt so…safe with you. And for a little while now,” she glanced away, “I’ve been having these other feelings…I wasn’t sure what to do about them, though. Maybe I used you…maybe I was selfish, kept you from having a real relationship. I’m sorry.”
Peeta suddenly pulled her into a hug. She went limp for a moment but then melted into his arms, wrapping her hands around his waist and burying her face in his solid shoulder. He always smelled so good. Like freshly baked bread, even when he hadn’t baked for days.
“You didn’t,” he whispered against her neck. “And like it or not, Katniss, I do consider what I have with you‒however you want to define it‒to be a real relationship.”
He pulled back. Resting his hands on her shoulders, he looked into her eyes. “That is if it’s real for you…is it?”
She bobbed her head. “It is.”
“That’s all I need to know, then.” She smiled. “Do I have anything to apologize for?” he asked sincerely.
“No.” She shook her head. “You’re so good, Peeta. You’ve always been so good to me; I’m the one who…”
He tapped her bottom lip with his index finger. “Don’t start tearing yourself down now. I’m not gonna let you.”
Katniss summoned her courage, then, in order to tell him her biggest fear. “I don’t want to lose you, Peeta,” she said, realizing that if she did she’d be damaged beyond repair. “Please tell me this is going to be okay.” After all, he’d always been the one to reassure her when something went wrong or when she was anxious or scared. In fact, he’d been spending nights in her bed long before they started having sex.
“It’ll be okay,” he promised, taking both her hands. “We’ll get this settled when we get back. Don’t worry. For now, why don’t we do as Abernathy said and make the most of it.”
She nodded.
“And you could never lose me.” He brought both her hands up to his lips and placed a kiss on each knuckle. An unexpected rush ran the entire course of Katniss’s body, finally settling back in her cheeks. Odd that after all they’d done together, this little gesture made her feel so warm and shy.
He tugged her to her feet. “Shall we go, wife?”
She was able to laugh at the title this time. Although, it had also given her a little thrill, caused her tummy to flip just a bit. “Where?” she asked.
“To enjoy these beautiful islands, of course.”
“Good idea,” said she.
And as they headed out of the hotel room, hand-in-hand, Katniss couldn’t help but wonder if this was the start of something big. Had their marriage, ironically, been the catalyst to an actual, legitimate relationship between them? If so, she was convinced she was okay with it. Yes, she was still anxious about the future, but she could imagine being happy with Peeta. More than happy. Being with him felt so safe and right.
Maybe it was a little backward for a girl to fall head-over-heels in love with her husband on their honeymoon, at least in this century, but Katniss felt right on the brink. And like a wave crashing against the rocks, what was she to do but let it come? After all, it had been a long time coming…