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—⁖⁘ ❄🌰❄ ⁖⁘—
“Happy Birthday!”
“Birthday?” Bam turns his head quizzically to the regulars three tables to their left.
They're in a cheerful little hole in the wall cafe filled with candy colored chairs and round wooden tables. One side of the place is chalked up with a collage of menu items and anecdotes that probably attempt at the inspirational. Among them, written in flowing cursive script is a quote saying 'Coffee is Good for You.' Another one says 'Enjoy the Little Things' and Bam supposes it's fair enough advice. Strings of lightbulbs hang from the ceiling, offering warm light to augment the gray light seeping in the wide windows from the rainy outdoors.
This is the rainiest floor Bam’s ever been to. Even so, the inclement weather doesn’t seem to deter the mood of the well wishers.
Bam watches as a flowery cake is brought in front of a girl with warm chocolate skin and bubblegum pink hair. She looks ecstatic as she blows out the little candles scattered around the lovely cake. They cheer her on, telling her to make a wish like it’s that easy to claim dreams and claim desires. Just like when you break a chicken bone in half or see a falling star. Except those stars are not real. That must be why all those wishes failed, Bam chides himself.
Across Bam on that table for two, Khun looks at his curious frown and studies him for a while. A heartbreaking thought occurs to the lightbearer. “Do you know what a birthday is, Bam?”
“Birthday,” the irregular repeats like he was tasting a foreign word on his tongue, still looking on while the merry group surrounding the girl passes boxes wrapped in fancy paper and bright ribbons to her. She opens them, happiness brimming in every gasp and gesture. “It’s supposed to be when you were born right?”
There’s a sharp pang in Khun’s chest as he takes in how Bam’s expression turns wistful then downright envious. He chooses his words carefully. “It is. A lot of people treat its anniversary like the most important day of their year. People close to them often celebrate it with them with presents and cake.”
What indeed is a birthday? Why celebrate it? Isn’t it just another excuse for commercialization? Then again, for most it holds a sentimentality that borders on hope. That the next one will be better than the last. Khun thinks back to when he last celebrated his own. It was some months before they got on the hell train a few years back. It wasn’t much. They had a test that day too. Sweet and Sour surprised him with candles on a pizza. It seems Shibisu tipped them off.
“When’s your birthday, Khun?” Bam finally looks at him with a carefully crafted smile. Nobody but Khun would have noticed that it’s wobbly.
“The 29th of November. Do you know when yours is, Bam?” He probably didn’t but it’s worth a shot.
“The 29th. November.” Bam scrunches his brows then breaks into a sunny smile. “I won’t forget. I’ll definitely give you a present then. I don’t know when my birthday is though. But that’s okay.”
The hasty dismissal doesn’t convince Khun. And an idea hatches in his ever crafty mind. The 25th of the month is just 4 days away after all. He asks, “What’s your favorite color, Bam?”
“Blue,” the brunet answers immediately, making Khun blink. “Like your eyes.” Bam sips on his strawberry shake blissfully unaware of the slight blush Khun hides behind the hand he brushes on his nose.
“You really do like strawberries, don’t you?”
“Yup. They’re nice and refreshingly sweet.”
Khun hums. “You ready to go back?”
“Yeah! If we go now, I’d have plenty of time to cook dinner. Is there anything you’d like me to make, Khun?”
“We just had snacks so something light perhaps? Though anything you want to cook is fine by me.”
They were on a supply run. All their purchases are neatly stowed in Khun’s lighthouse. Khun doesn’t miss the sad glance Bam throws to the birthday table before they leave.
Khun has a plan.
There will be balloons and streamers and confetti. There will be a mountain of presents. There will be the most amazing and delicious cake. It will be filled with all the things Bam likes. It will be the grandest party Khun could ever plan.
And it will be absolutely perfect.
—⁖⁘ ❄🌰❄ ⁖⁘—
Bam is not happy.
“Isu, have you seen Khun?”
“Khun? Which Khun might you be wanting? Khun Ran is in the lounge. I have no idea where Khun Hachuling ran off to. And I’m hoping you’re not asking me about Princess Khun Machenny ‘coz she’s been totally scarce since the Nest and—”
“Isu.”
“Oh! You mean your Khun! Why didn’t you say so in the first place?”
“Isu,” Bam sighs dejectedly. Who else could he be looking for but his lightbearer? His best friend? He was the only Khun that mattered to him. Wait. Did Isu just call him Bam’s Khun? Like his? Isu probably doesn’t mean much by it but somehow it sounds right. It feels right. But he still doesn’t have the answer to his question. “I’m waiting.”
“Um, isn’t he in his lighthouse? In his room? The kitchen maybe?”
“No. I’ve checked every room in this damn bunker and I haven’t been able to find him. Did he say he was going out?”
“Nope. Not that I can remember. I haven't seen him since breakfast.” Shibisu shrugs.
Bam narrows his eyes at the Regular’s smile. Somehow it looks too toothy and wide. Bam even made Khun his coffee as usual but the lightbearer never showed up. But it’s not like he can force Shibisu to tell him where Khun is. Maybe he doesn’t really know.
“Have you tried calling him?” Shibisu asks.
“I did but he’s not answering. He did send a message that he’ll see me at dinner.”
“Is there something urgent you need from him?” Shibisu tries again.
“Not really. I was just… Nevermind.” Bam turns on his heels and heads to the training room instead to release some of his displeasure. He doesn’t even know why exactly he feels so freaking frustrated. They’ve been apart for far longer before. And he can’t tell Shibisu that he just wants to see Khun. That they haven’t spent time together since the day they went out to get supplies two days ago and he’s feeling lonely. Who’s he kidding? Khun is an adult who can take care of himself and manage his time as he liked. He doesn’t need to tell Bam where he is every minute of the day.
As soon as he disappears round the corner, Shibisu sends a message through his Pocket.
Bam’s looking for you. I’ve deflected him for the moment but he does not look happy.
—⁖⁘ ❄🌰❄ ⁖⁘—
A headache throbs in Khun’s head. He slouches on the hired carriage’s seat as he digs his knuckles into his temples in a bid to soothe it. On his lap sits a cooler filled with the fresh strawberries he purchased from a farm town about a couple of hundred miles away from where they were staying. He carefully stores it in his lighthouse along with the other parcels he procured. Mentally going through his list and hoping he didn’t forget anything drains the rest of his energy reserves.
It’s going to be another three hours going back. It would have been so much faster to use the warship but he couldn’t afford arousing Bam’s suspicions any further. And he couldn’t just pass on the task to any of the others when they’re still grumbling through the rigorous training he’s assigned them as preparation for the coming tests.
The 123rd floor is a smattering of settlements; sleepy mining towns where everyone just gets by. Doesn't mean the tests here are any easier. They are practical and straightforward though inherently dangerous. The exact location of the testing area will only be revealed on the day of the test itself. Khun already has a pretty good idea of what the tests will entail. He just needs to keep the team in excellent shape.
It’s raining out the window. He sighs, wishing that someone could explain why it’s so freaking hard to find balloons and presents of any worth in that backwater town that serves as their base until they could move on to the next floor. Granted it’s a poor mining town. And he is lucky enough that there’s even one decent baker that can possibly supply him with a proper cake. He needed to source the strawberries himself though. And the baker is charging him an exorbitant price for customizing his order. The price doesn’t matter to Khun. He has more than enough credits to spare. But negotiating with the wily baker while fielding his amorous advances was annoyingly tricky.
He pulls up his Pocket and sees a few messages from Shibisu. Mostly updates on Bam’s state. And then, there’s the messages from Bam. A small smile quirks his lips as his fingers brush over Bam’s name on his Pocket.
“I miss you, too. Just a little bit more and I’ll give you a nice surprise.”
Khun quickly sends off his replies. He goes through the list of things he still needs to do. He finally found the right shade of satin ribbons he needs for wrapping the presents. So he can proceed with wrapping them later. If he takes a nap now, he can work through the night. He needs to prepare that item that the cook wants in exchange for her services too. The item he needs for bribing the miner in charge of the welding supplies so he could get a tank of helium has already been acquired. He just needs to set a meet up.
He rests his still aching head against the cold window and closes his eyes.
Looks like he won’t get back to the bunker before dark.
—⁖⁘ ❄🌰❄ ⁖⁘—
The break of dawn finds Bam pacing restlessly in his room. He barely slept a wink. Maybe he should go for a run to clear his head and disperse some of this agitated energy. It’s a clear morning with crisp air. They don’t get many of those on this rainy floor.
Bam changes into a hoodie, warm jogging pants and sneakers. His breath fogs up. As he stretches his limbs just outside the bunker, he thinks back to the last time he hung out with Khun. They were having coffee after spending the whole day purchasing supplies. The cafe was as cozy as it gets and he was curious about the birthday celebration a few tables over.
He’s heard that you’re supposed to get one wish on your birthday. But how can he make one if he doesn’t know when his birthday even is? Or would that mean he has a lifetime of wishes stocked up? Can he use them to make one big wish?
And then, there’s the matter of what he would wish for. But the only thing that pops up in his head is the person that has occupied his mind for the past three infuriating days.
Khun Aguero Agnis.
He just wants to spend some quality time with his best friend. Is that too much to ask?
He’s hardly seen Khun for the past three days and whenever he does, the lightbearer is always rushing to be somewhere else. Bam knows for certain that the floor test is still a week away. Normally even if a test is near, Khun always had time for him.
What could he be so busy about?
What could be so important?
Bam is feeling lonely and alienated. He thought they were finally getting along much better and slotting into a comfortable routine. Khun is full of secrets but he’s never made Bam feel unwanted before. Or neglected.
A rustling just inside the door warns Bam that someone is about to come out. Some instinct urges him to hide. He sees Khun slip out warily from the bunker and hurriedly walk away. Bam secretly follows him and finds him scooting into the cafe in the far side of town. It's the same one they visited. There’s only one cafe in the area after all.
Spying through a window, he sees Khun sit with someone. A fairly good looking fellow with curling raven hair and a soft smile. Khun looks pleased to see him and the guy in turn looks thrilled, talking in animated gestures and playing Khun with slices of cake. Khun doesn’t even like sweets!
Something awakens in Bam’s chest. It curls into a tight hairy ball, hissing furiously and spitting venomous ideas that make his stomach churn. His hands hurt and realizes he’s been digging his nails into his palms hard enough to leave red crescents on the pale flesh. He doesn’t like seeing Khun with that guy. He hates how happy Khun looks as he eats one of the cakes that was offered to him. Suddenly, Bam feels like throwing up.
Bam peels himself from the window and sprints away.
—⁖⁘ ❄🌰❄ ⁖⁘—
“Popsicle turtle!” Rak answers a call on his Pocket.
“I told you already there’s no need for codenames! Especially that one!” Khun’s irritation comes across loud and clear. “Grow up, stupid gator!”
“Well, you were a popsicle for a couple of years,” Hatz snickers derisively.
“If you have time for tactless jokes, then you need more training added to your schedule, harakiri!”
“And I’m sure Bam likes popsicles.”
Khun groans. “Everyone here has peas for brains. Nevermind. Just go pick up the helium tank from the address I sent and prepare the balloons.”
“Why do all of them have to be blue?” Rak grumbles.
“Because—!” Khun realizes in time that telling them that Bam confirmed that he likes that color because it’s the color of Khun’s eyes would just subject him to more teasing. “Nevermind, just do as I say!”
—⁖⁘ ❄🌰❄ ⁖⁘—
“Khun my love, you would not believe the bargain I found!” Shibisu chatters gleefully at his Pocket as he gingery carries the heavy box. “I got us a crate of some amazing soju. It’s perfect for the celebration.”
“Isu, tell me you didn’t use up the budget I gave you for the party food for alcohol.”
“Well…”
“Isu!”
—⁖⁘ ❄🌰❄ ⁖⁘—
Khun takes one look at the banner hanging from the spare training hall’s ceiling and says, “Do it again.”
“What!” Endorsi yelps. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve spent cutting out those glittery letters? I even chipped a nail!”
“Endorsi,” Khun takes a deep calming breath. “A simple ‘Happy Birthday’ message will suffice. You don’t need to spell out your demands for a date.”
—⁖⁘ ❄🌰❄ ⁖⁘—
On the 4th afternoon since he’s started planning, Khun utters a startled gasp as Bam corners him just outside his room.
“Bam?” Damn, why did that sound like a guilty squeak? Rippling arms on each side of his head keep him hemmed in.
“What have you been doing? Where have you been?”
Khun steels himself, reigns in the runaway thoughts and thundering heartbeats that render his knees weak. Bam is close. So close that Khun can feel his warm breath on his nose. See each follicle of his dark lashes as his golden eyes pin him with their heated glare. He swallows, feeling too parched. “Been working on something.”
“What are you working on?”
“Let me show you.” He waits for Bam to give him some space to gather himself. The brunet doesn’t give him much, just enough so he could peel himself off the cold wall. He leads him down the basement, to the training room at the end of that hall.
The door swings open to darkness. Khun flips the switch and a chorus of voices ring out.
“Surprise!” Their friends pelt them with confetti. "Happy Birthday!"
“What??” Bam stammers.
They move further into the room to reveal streamers hanging from the ceiling, just as colorful as the rainbow of confetti littered on the floor. Pompoms, paper flowers and blue balloons are scattered everywhere and barely hiding a dent on the wall. There’s a table on one side heaped with a mountain of colorful boxes. He spies food set elegantly on a longer table draped with blue cloth. Even the chairs are decorated with ribbons and tulle. There’s a banner on the far wall. It says ‘Happy Birthday, Bam!’ in big bold glittery gold letters.
“This…” Bam gawks, eyes flitting to the gifts, the decor, the balloons, the smiling faces of people he’s considered allies and friends. They're all dressed in their casual best and beaming at him.
“Happy Birthday, Bam,” Khun smiles. “Since we don’t know when your actual birthday is, I thought we might as well celebrate it every 25th of the month to make up for all those you missed.”
Then, Isu and Rak are pulling the wide eyed brunet to the table topped with gifts. All of them wrapped neatly in colorful wrapping paper and tied with a cobalt blue bow.
“Open them!” Multiple voices urge and he reaches for the nearest one, still in a daze. Out of the corner of his eyes he sees Hockney taking photos with one of those old fashioned contraptions that print the pictures out immediately in little square cards.
He tears through layers of paper and tissue. There are nifty gadgets he probably won’t ever use. There are mugs, towels and slippers monogrammed with his name. There’s a pair of crocodile skin loafers that are probably from Jinsung. There are even a few rare bottles of grapefruit flavored soju.
A fond smile remains on Khun as he watches the laughter on Bam's lips, the way he throws his head back while a hearty mirth wracks his body. No matter what anyone else may believe or say, Khun knows that Bam belongs in scenes like this: surrounded by the people he cares for and who adore him in return. Human. All too human and for tonight that’s more than enough.
“Khun!” Bam’s voice breaks through his reverie, calling him over.
“How are the presents?”
“I don’t need all this.” And yet he smiles, open and true.
“I know. But you enjoyed unwrapping them, right?”
“I… Yes, I did.” There’s a healthy blush on Bam’s cheeks and his eyes are sparkling.
“Then, go unwrap some more. When you’re done, I have another surprise,” Khun grins.
Bam never had a chance to have a normal life. Well, neither did Khun. And their current situation is definitely far from ideal. But Khun has promised himself that whenever he can, he will do his best to create moments such as this: little pockets of sanctuary in the ever treacherous sea that is the Tower. Anything so he could see that precious smile.
Bam grabs another present from the pile. He gasps and giggles as a jack in a box jumps. There are swords too ornate to be held properly, knives as pretty as they are sharp. There are pastries and sweets. All sorts of trinkets and treats. And he looks in awe as he takes a little music box out from its wrappings. He carefully winds the tiny key to hear it play a sweet tune. A little clockwork sun and moon dance on its surface, twirling and whirling around each other as they while the tinkling song away.
“Like it?” Khun murmurs as he watches round eyes look on in wonder, twinkling like the stars they once sought though not for himself.
“It’s beautiful, Khun.”
The lightbearer hums in satisfaction. “I heard there is a crafty clockmaker on this floor and convinced him to make it. These things are rare nowadays.”
“Convinced?”
“Yes.”
“I hope you didn’t scare him too much,” Bam chuckles fondly.
“Not to worry. He was quite easy to negotiate with,” Khun smiles.
A lighthouse materializes in front of Khun. He carefully pulls out a big box. He places it on the table and brings out an amazing cake. Layers of fluffy sponge cake iced with snow white frosting and topped with the plumpest and sweetest, most fragrant fresh strawberries.
“Time to make your wish.” Then, Khun sets a candle on top of the cake and lights it with a flick of his fingers. Bam barely catches a glimpse of the firefish as it swims back under Khun’s skin.
“Wait! We have to sing first!” Shibisu yollers and starts up the age-old song. They sing and clap each to their own tune. “One more time!”
Khun and Bam exchange a grimace and laugh.
When the song ends, Khun says, “Make a wish and blow the candle, Bam.”
Cheers and hooting erupt as he does so.
“Time to feast!”
No thanks to Shibisu’s alcohol buying splurge, Khun had to call in a few favors to procure the best cuts of meat in time. He didn’t trust anyone in the team to cook them properly so he hired a few cooks as well.
Hatz is on carving duty, slicing deftly and filling up plates. Using a proper carving knife of course. Rak grabs a whole leg of lamb and chomps through meat and bone with relish. Anak’s tail thumps happily against the leg of her chair as she digs into the mini chicken pies piled high on her plate, already eyeing more. Even Endorsi looks pleased with the scrumptious spread on the table, surreptitiously muffling a burp behind her napkin. Shibisu happily fills cup after cup of soju for each of them.
To see Bam enjoying himself is all the reward Khun needs for his efforts. He looks at the half filled cup in his hand, swirling the mildly sweet liquid, and he thinks maybe he’s had enough alcohol for the night. The upbeat music Shibisu insisted on playing drums a mean bass in his ears, starting to feel overwhelming. He downs the rest of his drink and slips quietly from the room as Rak arm wrestles with Bam.
There’s a warm buzz in Khun’s veins as he makes his way out for some fresh air. He finds himself leaning back against the wall just outside the bunker door, looking up at the cloudy night. A sliver of a moon peeks behind the branches rising up to meet the sky. Trails of mist mute the shape of the treeline.
"My plan was really... perfect." His breath fogs up as he exhales. He’s quite satisfied with how the birthday party turned out. The team needed to destress too and it’s not like they could just go off on a vacation anytime soon. He feels sluggish though. A walk in the cool night air would do him good. He pushes off the wall and picks a path to the side of the bunker.
The forest is quiet. Not alarming in any way. Just peaceful. Crinkly leaves crunch beneath his feet. Owls hoot and call. There’s a sleepy hush and the air feels clean. The path leads him to a small lake. It gleams in the moonlight.
He picks up a flat stone from the bank and skips it on the glassy waters. It sinks after a couple of hops. Khun snorts. He’s out of practice. Or maybe he’s more drunk than he thinks. He picks up a few more rocks, lightly bouncing some on his palms to get a feel of their weight. He doesn’t raise his head though he hears footsteps approaching.
He skips another one. That one hops a good dozen before sinking in.
“Do you want to try it, Bam?” he asks as he lets another fly.
“Khun.”
“Is the party over already?”
“No, but you weren’t there.” Bam murmurs and it sounds so lonely that Khun stops his skipping to look at him.
“I’m just getting some fresh air. I would have gone back in a few minutes.”
“I’ve barely seen you for days.” Bam says and again Khun hears the questions brimming just beneath the surface.
The rocks drop from Khun’s fingers and he sits by the lakeside, patting the ground beside him for Bam to do the same. Bam passes him a bottle of water before sitting beside him, their shoulders brushing. When Bam has settled, Khun drops a little blue box on his lap. One side of his lips quirk up as Bam looks at him quizzically.
“A present,” he says as he uncaps the bottle and takes a sip.
It’s small enough to fit on Bam’s palm. He pulls at the ribbon. A cobalt blue satin just like those earlier except thinner. The lid pops off and he finds a suspendium ear cuff nestled on a velvet cloth. Khun preens at the apparent delight on Bam’s face.
“Is this like an engagement ring?” Bam says so seriously that Khun sputters on his drink and coughs as he hastily wipes his lips. Bam rubs his back in concern.
"Bam…” He chuckles and thanks whoever is listening that it’s too dark for the brunet to see his furious blush. That was a joke right? Yeah, it should be. “Ha! You wish but sorry, it's not. This is more like a promise. If you wear it, you won’t see it unless you look in a mirror. And once you get used to it you may not even feel it's there and forget you even have it. But even so, it will always be with you, just like I am. It's a promise that I will have your back, always."
Bam’s brow furrows. ‘If you wear it’ Khun had said, as if it doesn’t matter if Bam does or doesn’t. Even as he compares it to himself. As if Bam would ever forget his presence. As if he isn’t the most important person in Bam’s world. He takes the cuff and wears it right then. He gives it a tug, making sure it’s secure. And then, there’s the promise of ‘always.’
“Do you really mean that?”
“I do. You are my sun, Bam. The only star whose gravity pulls me in and gives meaning to my existence.” Khun chuckles again. He’s waxing poetic. He definitely is at least half drunk, then. He returns Bam’s stare, his lips rising gently at their corners, savoring the giddy warmth the lingers in his veins and seeping in from the body right next to his. “I would always follow you. No matter where you go. No matter what you do. All of me belongs to you.”
Bam knows that breathing is a subconscious function of the body. Something so elemental to life that it has been relegated to instinct. Even so… Sometimes, he needs to remind himself to breathe.
“Do you, really?” Bam asks, studying Khun’s face, trying to decode the minute changes that appear. If only he knows how to read all the expressions flitting there, some of them barely showing before they hide behind something else.
“Do you doubt my loyalty?” Khun raises a pale brow.
“No, but the more I look at you, the more I realize that I want to be selfish.”
“Then, be selfish, Bam. Tell me. What does your selfishness demand?" Khun asks like it was ever so easy. As if in this moment he could grant anything that Bam wishes for.
“Never disappear on me like that again.”
“Is that all?” Khun tilts his head, eyes now gleaming with something akin to amusement, clearly not taking any of this as seriously as he should.
Bam’s eyes narrow and he seems to draw in resolve with a deep breath. Does Khun mean it when he said that all of him belongs to Bam? Does that mean his heart belongs to Bam too? Wait… was that actually a confession? As always, Khun has a knack for making simple things difficult just as he pulls difficult things apart with his elaborate plans. He’s always been so good with words, weaving truths and lies within them with such ease. But Bam is not letting him get away this time.
Birthday celebrations are made for wishes, right? For a chance to see desires come true.
“Hug me,” Bam says.
Big blue eyes widen minutely as amusement turns to veiled curiosity. Khun shuffles so he could hug Bam more comfortably, willing his hands to steadiness as he wraps his arms lightly around Bam’s waist. A breathless gulf remains yawning between them.
“Like this?” Khun asks and giggles softly at the dissatisfied pout on Bam’s mouth. Khun feels like he’s high on something. Maybe it’s all that soju. Maybe it’s their proximity. Bam is too easy to tease sometimes.
“No,” Bam insists, pulling on Khun’s arms and putting them over his shoulders instead, dragging him closer in the process. The intensity of his gaze raises another blush on Khun’s cheeks. Especially when he brings his face close enough to breathe each other’s air. “Like this. Now, make it a promise.”
“Bam…” Khun is tense. Bam can feel it in the drape of Khun’s arms over his shoulder, in the tight stillness of his body against his. Khun is tense but he doesn't pull away.
“Promise me!” His gaze catches on the depth of Khun’s sigh, on the way he bites his plush lips. Bam's arms are firmly wrapped around Khun’s waist as if intent to keep him there until he hears what he wants to hear. Well, maybe even after that.
And for countless heartbeats Bam’s stomach drops, slowly spiraling down a yawning abyss whose bottom he can not see. Until Khun slowly relaxes and wraps his arms around Bam’s neck. And then, he whispers, barely audible though the night is as quiet as can be, “So long as I am able, I promise to be here for you. I promise not to go anywhere without letting you know.”
“Okay,” Bam breathes out, relief flooding him like a cold wave and making him shiver. He licks his lips, pulse beating a furious drum in his chest. “Okay.” He moves in even closer, practically whispering the words right against Khun’s mouth as he nuzzles his nose. “Now, tell me," he says as he stares deep into pools of blue, gold barely peeking between his slowly closing lids. "Tell me that you love me.”
Khun smirks against the warm lips softly descending on his. “What a greedy man.”
—⁖⁘ ❄🌰❄ ⁖⁘—