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When his dad told him they’d get a new firefighter to them at the 126 he was suspicious. They all had just grown together as a family and he opened up to them more and more. But when he heard that it’d be Evan Buckley… well, he wasn’t that opposed to the idea anymore. He didn’t know if his dad knew about everything hat happened in LA. Carlos had told him stories he had heard from work and there had been videos on the internet. He was surprised that Evan didn’t stay in LA when he got back to work after the lawsuit.
TK was sure every firefighter in the USA knew about that one firefighter who sued his captain and held a grudge against him. Though TK wasn’t sure whether to be angry, surprised or happy that he didn’t let other people tell him how to live his life. He knew what that was like and even if he had made peace with what happened to him during his relationship with Alex and had talked about it in therapy that didn’t mean Evan should do the same and just keep his voice down so nobody could hear him.
TK got to the station in the morning as always. The first thing he saw was a man standing in front of the engine and looking kinda lost.
“Hey, can I help you?” TK asked the man. When he turned around and TK got a better look at him he recognized Evan Buckley from one of the countless photos and videos of his rescues in the internet. “Oh hi, you’re Evan Buckley, right?”
“Yeah. I supposed to start working here?” The blond nodded.
“I’m TK. I work here as a paramedic and my dad’s the cap here so maybe I can take you inside and show you around if you don’t mind. Or are you waiting for somebody?”
“No, I’m not and it’d be nice if you could show me around, haven’t been in a lot of fire stations yet.”
“No problem. Come on!”
They walked inside and TK started his tour at the locker rooms where Evan left his backpack and changed into a uniform TK gave him.
When Judd first heard about the new addition to the 126 it was the morning he was already shown around by TK. He and everybody else watched as TK explained everything to him and they discussed the differences between the LAFD and the AFD.
“Evan Buckley?! Cap, ya know that’s the guy who sued his cap?” he yelled quiet enough that TK and Evan didn’t hear it but loud enough for Owen, Marjan, Paul, Mateo, Nancy and Tommy.
They all looked at their captain with various looks of shock painted on their faces though Owen didn’t look much better. “No, I didn’t. I stopped reading his file after “broke many records during his time in the academy”. I mean, I knew I had heard that name before but it’s not that extraordinary.”
“So you hired him after reading half his file? What was in that anyways?” Marjan asked while rolling her eyes.
“Honestly, I don’t know. There wasn’t really anything from his time before the academy and then he became one of the best firefighters I’ve ever seen or heard of so I wanted him here at the 126.”
Tommy shook her head in exasperation. “Well, we better keep an eye on that boy then. If only to protect him from Judd’s anger.” The furious look she shot Evan after that though showed that she got better reasons than that to make his life at the 126 harder than it had to be.
“An eye? I’m not gonna let him outta my sight!” Judd yelled again, this time louder. TK and Evan looked up to them to the loft but then went back to their conversation. Judd hoped they didn’t hear what he said. That would make his plan more complicated and he didn’t need TK’s attention on him too.
Mateo, Paul, Marjan and Nancy nodded. “We’re gonna help you. Can’t have him sue us too now, can we?”
Owen scratched his neck sheepishly. Judd threw him a glare. “You’re gonna help us make sure he doesn’t rip us apart too?”
He and Tommy nodded but she added “Don’t take this too far, we don’t need a war here!”.
Marjan murmured “As long as he doesn’t start one.”.
TK and Evan finally got up to them and they all arranged themselves as if it was a normal morning at the station.
TK lead him up the stairs. And here’s the loft. I don’t know where you stayed between the calls and eat and everything…”
Evan looked around. It looked lived in. The kitchen was messy to a point where it was homey but not messy, there were blankets thrown haphazardly over the couch and the firefighters and paramedics stood around talking or helped to prepare breakfast. All but TK and one tall guy with short brownish hair, a stubble and his arms crossed over his chest. He glared at him with so much anger he had to refrain himself from either flinching away or getting defensive and glaring back. Instead he tried it with a small smile but that seemed to set the man of even more.
Next to him TK looked as confused as Evan felt at the guy who looked like he had made it his mission to protect everybody in this fire station from Evan and all the evil he brought them.
“Okay, so… that over there is Judd, then Marjan, Paul and Mateo, Cap or Owen, Nancy, she’s a paramedic, and Tommy or, also, Cap.”
Owen stood up from where he’d been sitting and offered Evan his hand. He shook it and if he wasn’t warned by Owen’s dark expression he would’ve winced when his hand got crushed. Now everything he did was staring back at Owen and hoping his face didn’t tell how confused and sad he was at all this anger he could fell from everybody.
“So, you’re Evan Buckley…”
The way he said that made Evan realize that they all knew about the lawsuit. And apparently were all angry at him for that and didn’t want him in their team. It also explained Judd’s protectiveness towards all of them and against him.
“Yeah but everybody calls me Buck.” He replied and was proud that his voice didn’t betray any of the emotions boiling under his skin waiting for relief.
“Buck” Judd came towards him. “I forgot washing the trucks today, ya could do that for me, right?”
Buck nodded and was down the stairs twice as fast as he had walked them up. He had been happy to start new again after everything Bobby and almost everybody in his old family had done to him. He wanted a fresh start but now he realized the only place he could still get that from would be Australia or somewhere as far away where nobody even knew of the name ‘Evan Buckley’. The lawsuit had ruined his life in LA and now it would ruin everything he had hoped to build in Austin too. At least he wasn’t completely alone. Because of his fast exit he maybe had missed what they had talked about him afterwards but he hadn’t missed the confused and angry face TK had made after everybody’s hostility towards him.
When the bell rang for the first time Owen didn’t let him come with them. After all he had “just arrived in Austin” and needed to “readjust”. Buck would think that was meant to be nice and thoughtful if it wasn’t said in a tone that would freeze water and cut through glass. He only nodded and continued mopping the floor and cleaning everything.
TK came back late and Carlos’ shift had ended three hours before his had so TK could smell pasta the moment he opened the front door. Carlos was the best cook ever and he didn’t disappoint this time although TK wasn’t really thinking about the food or even keeping track of the conversation. No, he thought about everything that had happened that day at the station and about Evan “Everybody calls me Buck” Buckley. He was ripped out of his thoughts when Carlos hit him lightly against his arm and yelled “Taylor!”.
“What?” He looked up only to meet his boyfriends concerned eyes.
“Alright, what’s wrong? You’ve been quiet all the time, you’re barely eating and I had to call you four times until you realized I was talking to you.” Carlos walked around the table, pulled him up and got them both to the couch. When they were cuddled comfortably against each other with TK’s head on Carlos’ chest TK sighed and closed his eyes.
“You remember we were supposed to get that new guy today?”
Carlos nodded. “Didn’t he show up?”
“Yeah, he did. You know firefighter Evan Buckley’s lawsuit against the LAFD and his captain. Well, what you didn’t know was that same Evan Buckley started at the 126 today. But everybody acted weird and when I asked about it they just told me to stay away from him or I’d get myself into problems too. I don’t wanna stay away from him though cause he’s a really nice guy and I don’t think he just sued his Cap cause it was fun and he was bored, you know?”
“I think you should do what you want to do. If you don’t want to stay away from him then don’t. You should bring him around sometimes, I would like to meet him.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah.”
“But what about Judd and all the others?”
“That doesn’t matter. What matters now is your opinion and if you think this is a good idea then you’re gonna do it. He’s gonna need friends here in Texas anyways and if he cant get them in the others because they wont accept him without even knowing anything about him or talking to him then it’s their loss and you’re gonna be even more important to him. Make him feel welcomed and so. You’re gonna figure that out.”
TK nodded and kissed him. He was really lucky to have Carlos after everything that happened in the last year in Austin.
The next few weeks were literal hell for Buck. Without TK and his family at home by his side he had the feeling he would’ve done something bad like working himself slowly to death or going back to his old coping mechanisms: sex, throwing himself in useless situations and getting hurt in the process and/or actual self-harm like cutting (Although the second option was as much self-harm, it just was more passive. Didn’t make it better).
Eddie and TK made sure he ate and helped him through the worst times and Chris never failed to cheer him up when he came home after a worse day. He and Carlos had become friends too, their conversations first stilled and slow, but after a few days they had found a common ground and didn’t only grasp at shyly offered straws. Carlos had heard about some of Buck’s calls back in LA and after he decided Buck was as reckless as TK he now only called them ‘dumbass and dumbasser’.
The situation at the fire station didn’t get better though. If anything it got worse. He was stuck doing the chores and wasn’t allowed to come with them on calls. It was just like in LA but hurt differently. It hurt that these complete strangers ignored and mocked him for something he didn’t even do to them. He hadn’t sued them and he hadn’t done anything else to make them hate him either but they still did without letting him explain or anything.
Their behaviour just showed Buck how much the lawsuit had destroyed. His friendship with Eddie had to be rebuilt from scratch and when they had started a relationship they promised each other to always be honest and talk about everything. So far it had worked but sometimes Buck’s insecurities rose up stronger and Eddie had to assure him he wouldn’t leave him ever. Eddie had to remind himself to not always apologize to Buck for what he had said in the grocery store.
After a month Buck didn’t think he could take it anymore and thought about changing stations or leaving firefighting altogether and start something new. Or going back to the Navy. Which wasn’t anything Eddie liked but was something for him to consider. That was until the anniversary of the tsunami.
The tsunami had been on the news in Austin too. Nothing big, only a few articles and two times talked about on TV, but now, after one year and after they had found out how many people actually died that day and that surveillance cameras at some shops still had recorded during the tsunami it was brought up again. Several news channels reported about it and showed the footage on national TV. Of course the 126 wanted to see what happened too so after their shift they decided to gather around the TV at the loft and watch what happened together. Buck was still cleaning the ambulance after a very bloody last call and TK helped him.
“I’m really excited about this. They talk about this everywhere!” Marjan sat down on the couch.
“Yeah, me too. Let’s see how they do this in Hollywood.” Judd threw himself next to her.
Mateo and Paul sat down on the other side and Tommy, Nancy and Owen carried chairs next to them with the best view on the TV They didn’t want to miss anything.
“Hello and good afternoon! I’m Shirley Franklin and as you’ve all probably already heard, today’s the first anniversary of the tsunami in Los Angeles. It crashed on land at the Santa Monica pier in the early afternoon and costed many people’s lives. In the middle of the chaos though we can see a few heroes too. An young woman helped her older neighbour who had a hart attack when the water started coming in from under her door and rescued her life when she brought her to the nearest ambulance she found. Other people who’s houses weren’t destroyed by the water took in people in need and gave them clothes and food.
But one young man showed special courage. He was at the pier when the tsunami hit and managed to not only stay alive himself but rescue at lest 27 people with him. A real-live superhero. Here are pictures of him caught by a small shop’s surveillance camera he passed. It is now confirmed that his name is Evan Buckley and was at the time of the tsunami a firefighter in the LAFD, although not at work. At the time the tsunami hit he was a civilian just like everybody else. He was also the firefighter whose leg got crushed under a fire truck not much time before during an attack against captain Robert Nash. A real fighter 24/7.
Our dear Joey has…”
Everybody watched her and the photos which appeared on the screen so intense they jumped up when they heard a crash behind them. Buck had come up the stairs and seen the report. His whole face turned white and he slumped down the wall next to him. His breathing turned shallow and his head fell onto his knees. TK was kneeling next to him in a few seconds and yelled “Turn off the damn TV!”.
Marjan took the remote from Judd’s unmoving fingers and pressed the off-button.
Judd didn’t notice any of that. His whole thinking centred around Buck crouching down on the floor and Buck swimming through flooded streets helping people and risking to drown the same time. For the first time in the few weeks he asked himself if how he treated the young firefighter had actually been right. He hadn’t talked about what happened in LA with him and he had build his whole judgement of Buck around rumours he’d heard. He would have to apologize as soon as TK got Buck out of whatever haze he was in.
Judd had had panic attacks himself in the past after his first crew had died and he continued to have them for a few months until they slowly faded out after talks with Grace and other people. He hoped Buck had had people around him too to help him because the 126, all except for TK, sure hadn’t helped whatever situation he was in.
When he looked around he saw similar shocked, guilty and sad faces around him. Buck seemed to calm down and TK helped him to a couch where Nancy, Tommy and Owen made space for both of them. Judd noticed how TK continued to rub circles onto his back and Buck leaned into him.
The first thing Buck saw when he didn’t feel like drowning anymore was TK’s face. He heard his soft whispered words and felt his hand on his shoulder. It grounded him and was a reminder that he wasn’t back in the tsunami but in Austin safe and dry.
The couch was soft and he was happy the TV wasn’t on anymore. He wouldn’t be able to process those photos again.
“I didn’t know they talked about that in Texas too.” He started awkwardly.
TK shot him a reassuring smile and Buck smiled back. He only looked away when he heard Judd talking. “What the hell was that?”
“A panic attack.” TK rolled his eyes at the obvious answer.
Nancy nodded. “We all know that. I think what Judd meant was: Why didn’t we know about this?”
“Well, you didn’t really talk to me or give me the chance to explain anything… But it’s like they said that there. My leg got crushed under a fire truck when a kid who hold a grudge against our captain tried to blow everything up. After that I recovered but then I got a pulmonary embolism and was on blood thinners so even when the doctors and the department cleared me to go back to work, captain Nash didn’t think I was ready yet. Or maybe he wasn’t, I don’t know. Anyways, I sued him and the department because I wanted to go back to work. Firefighting was, and to a certain part still is, my life and he took that away from me. I was ready and he didn’t accept that. Technically I won the lawsuit and I was offered millions for it but I dropped it because the only thing I ever wanted was to get my job back. My Team was my family and I wanted back to them. Should’ve just taken the money and left LA. They treated me even worse than you did. I had to do all the chores, stay back because I was on ‘light duty’ and they would insult me all the time. My best friend Eddie and my sister Maddie were against me. Eddie didn’t let me see his son Chris during and after the lawsuit though we were really close and he hurt Chris with that too. When I left LA I had only made peace with one person. Me and Eddie are a couple now and I’ve all but adopted Chris. Without the two of them I wouldn’t be here right now but somewhere in a bar drinking myself to death. But we wouldn’t be here now without hours of talking and taking enough time for each other. I don’t talk to my sister or anybody else in LA anymore.”
“And the tsunami?” Mateo asked a few seconds after Buck was finished.
Buck shrugged. “I was at the pier with Chris when it hit. I lost Chris twice in the water but he could get on dry land and somebody got him to an emergency tent and his dad. I fished a few people out of the water when I saw they needed help. Didn’t know the surveillance cameras worked anymore.”
Judd looked down on his hands. “Evan, Buck, I’m sorry for how I acted. Ya didn’t deserve it and I didn’t think.”
“Yeah, I think we can all say we didn’t think and are sorry but especially I should apologize to you. I’m the captain here and I should give everyone a fair chance. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you about what happened and didn’t give you the warm welcome you should’ve gotten. I would understand if you wanted to change stations and I’m gonna support you no matter what you decide to do. But I’d hope you would give us another chance. On another note, did you ever consider going to therapy? I think that might help you, it did help me pretty well.”
The 126 nodded along to his words and looked at Buck all mumbling quiet ‘I’m sorry’s. They were surprised as Buck seemed to shrink down at the mention of therapy.
“I want to stay at the 126, I don’t think you guys are that bad and I forgive you although it might take me a while for that because what you did was really shitty. But I don’t know about therapy.”
“Why not?” Tommy asked. She looked concerned. After everything Buck had gone through there had to be mental consequences. Buck knew that too and he knew that the way everything inside of him felt weird when he saw something remotely close to motherly concern flashing over her face. It reminded him of Athena. Before she sided with her husband and stopped caring for him.
“I… there was something I’d rather forget but it made me avoid therapist for, like, forever.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” TK asked softly. Buck knew about TK’s struggle with drugs and his abusive relationship to Alex. It probably was only fair if he told him about his life too. Although it would bring bad memories back up. But if he wanted to build a new family with the 126 it was better to have all cards out in the open.
“There was one call, I lost a kid. He was the first one I ever lost and Captain Nash told me to go see a therapist. You know, when I first came to LA I slept around a lot. Like, I thought I had a sex addiction or something. When I stole the fire truck for a hook-up the second time I even got fired but also rehired really fast after that. Anyways, when I got to Dr. Wells she reminded me of someone. I started to open up to her but then I realized that she had friended me on face book. Suddenly she was on me and I don’t really know how it happened but then we had sex. And it was really weird and bad and I don’t really know when or how we started but when we were ready she just threw me out and told me to delete my face book. I don’t remember much of that but now I just kinda avoid therapists and therapy.”
“Damn, boy.” Judd looked at him as if he saw him for the first time. And Buck supposed that was somehow true too. What Judd had known about him before didn’t fit what he knew about him now.
“She raped you. You were emotionally all over the place and she used that and took advantage of you. Did you report her?” Marjan balled her hands furiously. Buck thought that her fingernails digging into her skin grounded her as much as Paul’s hand on her arm.
“No. I didn’t really now what happened and when I realized that it was already a few months later and I didn’t want to talk about it again. Also, I got into a long term relationship with Abby. Well, she was like, way older than I was and I chocked on bread on our first date and she cut my throat open and stuck a pen into it for and emergency tracheotomy. And she left me to backpack through Europe just after we had bought an apartment and after maybe half an year together. But she was a nice constant before Eddie started at the 118 and made me forget about Dr. Wells for a while.”
“Is this Abby a doctor or something?” Tommy asked slightly confused.
“No, she was a 9-1-1 dispatcher.”
“So your ex-girlfriend almost killed you while saving your life and the left you high and dry for what? Europe?” Marjan almost yelled. Paul pulled her down to sit next to him and tried to keep her calm. Mateo sat down on her other side and held her hand supportively. TK fisted Buck’s T-Shirt. Buck hugged him with one arm and tried to calm him down too.
“Well, if there’s any more trauma you’d like to share you should do it right now.” Nancy joked while trying to not freak out when she thought about somebody with no knowledge about medical procedures whatsoever cutting somebody else’s throat open.
“Hmmm… I mean, my father did beat me when I was a kid and then sent me to conversion therapy where I started to hate therapy. I escaped after five weeks when I was sixteen, lived a few months on the streets and the joined the Navy when I was seventeen. And was a Navy SEAL for eight years. Didn’t speak to my sister for almost twenty years from when she went to college and left me behind to when she stood on my doorstep in LA after she had fled her abusive husband. And then the same husband stabbed her new boyfriend who was also my friend and a firefighter at the 118 into his head and kidnapped Maddie. I searched for her everywhere but he held her into a cabin. She ran into the woods and he after her with a knife but she won a fight and killed him with his knife. After that there wasn’t much else ‘til the tsunami. Abby showed up with her new fiancé though and I almost died saving both of them from a train wreck. And somewhere in between that we had and earthquake too. I don’t know but I think that was everything.”
Silence met him after finishing that list of catastrophes.
TK clung onto his arm so hard it hurt but Buck didn’t want to make him let go. Judd was furious, as was Marjan who had jumped up again. This time Paul and Mateo didn’t stop her, they were too busy staring at Buck with slack jaws. Owen seemed seconds before storming out and beating somebody up and Tommy and Nancy seemed seconds before taking Buck, dragging him to the ambulance and making sure there weren’t any leftover wounds or other injuries which needed treatment. Although he hadn’t been on a single call for over half an year.
“I don’t care what you say, you’re going to see a therapist. Then you’re coming back here and after that you’re coming with us on calls. But you have one appointment with therapist first. I’ve been seeing one and I can give you his number.”
Buck nodded and relaxed into TK’s hug which was too tight to be comfortable but Buck didn’t care. Everything was going to be good.
Three days later Buck walked into the 126 and, after he’d changed, made his way upstairs where everybody else was already eating breakfast.
When he walked to the table, the heads turned towards him until everybody stared at him with so much intensity Buck shifted uncomfortably.
“I went to that therapist and I think I’m gonna keep seeing him. He was really nice and helpful.”
“So? What did he find out?” Owen asked interested.
“I’ve got PTSD, am depressed, though less than I was in my teenage-years, and have slight anxiety and ADHD. I just gotta keep talking to him and take some pills, then I wont have that many panic attacks or other stuff.”
After a few seconds the questions started:
“What?”
“How didn’t you know that earlier? It was pretty obvious!”
“Have you ever harmed yourself?”
“Oh my god!”
And lastly Owen’s “But you can go to work, right?”
Buck nodded. “Yeah, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.”
Tommy raised an eyebrow at that but left it at that and gave him a plate filled with scrambled eggs. Buck thanked her and sat down between TK and Judd. When he looked around he saw nothing but smiles and friendly faces. He decided to relax and enjoy this short moment before the first call would come in. Yeah, he thought, with a little bit help he would get better soon. And it looked like he didn’t only have a little bit help but a shitload of help and that made him all warm and fuzzy inside, something he hadn’t felt that strong for a long time outside of Eddie and Chris. Everything would be good if it wasn’t already.