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The breezy wind on the night before the Liberio attack felt so cold upon touching Hange's skin. Even when their body was blanketed by the thick uniform, Hange could feel the coldness of the noisy wind. The misshapen moon that only showed its dark side explained why the atmosphere felt so eerie. In the vast commander room, Hange sat alone behind the wooden table. Hange's eye was blank as its pupils didn't radiate any sparks. Hange's attention was fixated on nowhere; the usual sparks adorning their eyes were gone. Tapping their point finger on the table, Hange tried to erase the empty feelings they felt after that man left Paradis.
Hange knew they shouldn't feel this way for a man who was, basically, the person whom Hange should've hated. That person was the one who put Hange in a difficult position. He was the man who made Hange bear the commander's role, which caused Hange to suffer for the past 4 years. However, Hange couldn't deny that this man was the person they had been looking for. The veterans' death made Hange drowned in deep, constant grief. They had no one to talk to about their excitement about their little research. When no one was able to listen to Hange, this man, unfortunately, was there, lending his ears to Hange. Actually, Levi was there, but Hange knew he, just like them, was still trying to cope with the pain.
On top of that, Hange always thought Levi wouldn't like the idea of them bothering his leisure time. Hence, Hange had no choice but to suppress the excitement feelings and invested it somewhere that could fit. The right person had come into Hange's life. However, it was difficult for Hange to admit that the person who could understand their perplexing blabbering was the person living across the sea, Zeke Yeager. It's true, Hange, miserably, landed their feelings to the man causing them eternal suffering and burden.
That was Hange's biggest mistake. Hange surrendered their feelings to the worst man that ever existed. Never did Hange think things would turn out so drastically. Nonetheless, Hange adored how Zeke always tried to answer even to a useless question they threw, like,
“Do you think the moon follows me because it's in love with me?”
“The moon follows you because you're the center of the universe, Hange. You're the best person, to ever exist.” Zeke assured, followed by a short giggle.
Hange thought Zeke had always been acting so flirty to people. Hange gave an impression that Zeke was a type of man whose tongue was made to flatter people. Until did they realize Zeke was never close to anybody. As Yelena, one of Zeke's followers said, Zeke was a secretive man. No one genuinely knew why he had a special power running in his blood or why he decided to surrender his parents to Marley. Zeke was seen as a ruthless man who was willing to do anything to achieve his goals.
“However, it's different.”
Hange could recall Zeke's soft gaze when Hange told him about the weirdest titan conspiracy. Hange could vividly remember how Zeke laughed so freely when Hange made dumb theories of how titans were made. When people would call Hange crazy, Zeke was there for Hange, telling them that Hange's hypothesis was brilliant. No one ever did praise Hange as the same as Zeke did.
The words Zeke uttered eventually became a drug for Hange. They wanted to hear it, again and again, that Hange started meeting the war chief every night. Hange would sneak out during the night to meet Zeke who was smoking on the balcony.
“Hey,” Hange greeted Zeke whose fingers were busy tucking the cigarette into his mouth.
Zeke puffed the smoke into the air while diverting his attention to the brunette-haired commander who was approaching him. Zeke flicked his cigarette to the ground, stepping on the cigarette to turn the light off.
Escorting to the blonde man, Hange raised their eyebrow while crossing their arms in front of their chest.
“Why did you do that?” Hange asked, pinning their eyes to the man standing in front of them.
Zeke shrugged, his gaze trailing on Hange's figure.
“I don't want to make you uncomfortable,”
Hange chuckled as a response, trying to brush away the man's ambiguous statement. Hange stared at Zeke's eyes, looking for certain lies or secrets lying within him.
“I didn't know the well-known ruthless war chief from Marley would be this considerate for his enemy,” Hange threw the statement while rolling his eyes and put their arms on the edge of the balcony wall. Hange's eyes were seemingly to focus on the balcony's views. Nevertheless, their mind was full of Zeke.
Shaking his head, Zeke let out a soft giggle while smiling at Hange's usual sarcasm. To tell the truth, the idea of people seeing him as a cruel man was beyond hilarious. Zeke never saw himself as a cold-hearted criminal, because he always thought he showed remorse to his enemies through his enjoyment in the killing.
“I am always this considerate, Hange. I am a man with mercy,” Zeke answered while laying his back on the balcony's wall.
“A merciful man who killed almost the entire soldiers of Survey Corps and its commander, I see,”
The latter words caused a deafening silence between them. Zeke and Hange could only hear the wind attempt in sweeping their figures.
“So... Are you going to leave tomorrow?” Hange hitched a breath after uttering the question. Hange avoided their gaze to seeing Zeke's eyes.
The thick rim of Zeke's glasses reflected the light of the moon. Zeke penned his eyes on Hange's side profile, adoring the gorgeous features of their face. Breathing a deep sigh, Zeke closed his eyes before uttering his answers.
“Yes, I'll leave tomorro-”
“Can't you stay?”
Hange cut off the latter words before Zeke was able to finish them. His eyes circling in surprise, Zeke stilled on his position upon hearing Hange's sudden request. The atmosphere became suffocating as Zeke didn't give Hange any answers to the previous question.
Clearing his throat, Zeke faced Hange, throwing his gaze at Hange's teary eye. “You know I can't, Hange.” He murmured. He could feel the pain when he saw Hange's eye was enshrouded by stinging tears. Zeke knew he had to leave Hange not because he wanted to, but he had a mission to finish. Zeke couldn't just give up his mission for... Hange.
“We both have big responsibilities to bear.” He heaved a sigh before continuing his words. Turning his head, Zeke avoided looking at Hange whose cheeks were stained by the rolling tears from their eye.
“You, with your responsibility as the commander of Survey Corps,”
“And I, with my responsibility as the Eldians' savior.”
Hange stayed in their silence. They had already known there was no way that they could be together. Even if it were possible, it was going to be difficult. Such a big role had Zeke and Hange in the war between Eldia and Marley. The war had been going on for so long that it needed key roles to end the conflict, one of which was Zeke's plan to save the Eldia people.
However, Zeke never told Hange any clues of his plan.
“I certainly know that, Zeke.”
“But, haven't you trusted me enough to tell me about what you are going to do with your plans?” Hange asked, giving no hesitation to Zeke which was being secretive about his plan.
Zeke tugged his nails into his palm, holding himself for telling Hange what he had planned to do.
“I am sorry, Hange,”
“I can't tell you.”
I don't want you to suffer with me.
“It's always been responsibility from the start. Involving you in my plan is surely not a good idea, isn't it, Commander Hange?” Zeke's throat was aching that he tried not to sound shaky while querying the person standing so sternly in front of him.
“Fine,”
“Just do what you have to do, Warchief Zeke.” Hange surrendered, brushing their tears with the back of their hand.
Hange took a long, deep breath before offering their hand to Zeke. Zeke raised his eyebrow, questioning why Hange offered their hand.
Hange shrugged, moving their hand as a signal for Zeke to reach it. The signal prompted Zeke to reach Hange's hand. Hange and Zeke's hands were touching each other. The warmth spread after Zeke placed his grip around Hange's hand. Their eyes met, leading them to smile at each other. The gushing feelings conquered both Zeke and Hange as if it's not allowing them to step back. Hange tightened the grip while pulling Zeke's hand closer to them, erasing the distance between them. Cupping his cheek while closing their lid, Hange tilted their head to plant a light peck on Zeke's lips. The moment went in a blink of an eye that Zeke couldn't comprehend the situation.
Before Zeke was able to understand anything, Hange loosened their grip on Zeke, shifting away from his sight.
“Let it be our first and last,”
“Let's meet again when the universe allows us to be each other's destiny,”
Goodbye, Zeke Yeager.