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When Sean drove closer to the roadblock, a lump hard as stone cemented in the back of his throat.
“Sean, we can’t let them get us.” Daniel reminded, his voice just as firm. Sean counted the cars. There were almost a dozen or more slanted and parked in front of them, the cops themselves crouching with their guns pointed at the ready on the side of each one. The Bienvenido a Mexico sign loomed behind the gate like an unblinking eye. Sean met its stare before looking away.
He was the thinker. It was Sean’s job to be the one to come up with answers. He recounted the cars, focused on every gun, every badge, and every twist and turn within the maze of police. They were 10 to 1. They wouldn’t be able to just drive through. It was obvious, but over the past months Sean learned the importance of never dismissing anything too quickly. 10 to 1. They couldn’t turn around. All it would take was a few seconds for every single officer to hop back in their vehicle before it would turn into a chaotic car chase.
And where would they go? If there was a roadblock here, that meant, for the first time, the police were one step ahead of them. There'd be just another roadblock at the exit Daniel made for them earlier, and even if they did manage to escape both, it would take too much time and energy for Daniel to be able to make another path in another part of the wall before they were found again. 10 to 1. A jolt of dread tore down his spine so sharp Sean gasped for the air it pushed out his lungs. Like a nightmare, a solution forced its way into his brain, scratching across his eyelids like nails on chalk.
He took the keys out of the ignition and rested his forehead against the warm steering wheel. A scene played in front of him and repeated like a broken record. He knew how to cross the border. Tears burned the back of Sean's eye so aggressively he had to force it shut. An all consuming weariness settled across his skin and for a moment he wondered if he would sink through the car with how heavy it was.
In the distance, Agent Flores was shouting into a megaphone, but what she said mattered so little it was almost comical. Sean shoved his vision away and clung to the only other thing that came to mind, that had never left since passing through his ears and had made a home in his chest, waiting on the porch all this time for him to return. What Officer Campbell revealed to him less than an hour ago.
Your brother’s too young to be prosecuted.
“You know that day in Seattle?” Sean's voice was brittle, one second from crumbling into dust. “The day dad was shot?” He glanced at Daniel, but when they met eyes, he turned away. “I think about it everyday, and I would give anything to change what happened.” The ghost of a bang echoed in his ears. “But I can’t.”
He bit the inside of his cheek in a futile attempt to stop his bottom lip from quivering. He wished he could stop speaking, that what he needed to say wouldn’t ever have to leave his mouth, but he knew he had to drag the words into the air before what would happen next. “I’m sorry for my mistakes. I tried my best.” He thought back to all the times they had been close to an early end. When they were alone and constantly worried about their next meal. The time Daniel had gotten sick, the arguments they had, the deaths they had seen, the threats they had been under. He couldn’t give Daniel the amazing childhood he deserved, but god did he try. He needed Daniel to know that he tried. “I swear.” He whispered.
“Sean…” Daniel questioned. Looking at him now — he had to, when would he ever be able to again — Sean could tell his brother had begun to sense something was different. That was fine. As long as Daniel heard him in these moments, it would be fine.
“But you were the one with the real power and you know how to use it now.” The approach of sirens blared behind them and more police cars blocked their rear. Sean sat up, beckoning Daniel’s attention to return. “You’re not a kid anymore.” It was encouragement as much as it was a promise. No matter what happened, what it took, he would make sure Daniel would be able to have a life. He had changed so much since they first set foot on their journey and nothing in the world made Sean happier than having been able to see it. To watch his little brother grow and learn and become the person he was right now. Love and pride threatened to swallow Sean whole, but he needed to keep going, he was almost done. “If we surrender, they will separate us, Daniel.” His brother flinched and Sean clutched the back of his neck to calm them both. “And if that happens, promise me that you will be strong. Be brave. Be a fighter, enano. Like you already are.”
“Don’t say that.” Daniel’s eyes started to glisten. He was catching on, always a fast learner. “Let’s just get outta here.”
Agent Flores continued to beg from the roadblock in front of them. Sean spared a quick glance her way to check their distance. “Don’t make any more mistakes!” The agent pleaded as the police tightened the grip on their pistols. He regretted giving them the time.
“Whatever happens, always remember that you’re Daniel Diaz.” A flash of the last name almost shoved into its place made Sean’s stomach curl. Daniel was a Diaz and they would always be the sons of Esteban Diaz. To the world, their last name was a stain that needed to be removed. To them, it was a legacy they would never let die.
“I promise, Sean.” His brother’s voice was thick. Sean regretted causing any more pain, but this was a wound that needed to burn before it could heal.
They separated, slumping against their seats to take a breath. Agent Flores’ hollering still filled the desert around them as if she was afraid one pause would be the end of the world. Sean blinked slowly, the tiredness in his bones feeling a bit lighter now that he’d pushed his words out.
“So… how does the story of the wolf brothers’ end?” Daniel croaked, a pinch of desperation behind his sentence.
“I…” The answer, the only way they’d be able to cross the border, slashed across Sean's eye like another shard of glass. His hands ripped away from the steering wheel in rejection. “I think their story ends right here.” He replied.
“But… no… No!” The hurt in his brother’s voice reminded him of that night in the motel room, all that time ago when Daniel had uncovered the ugly truth behind Sean’s lie. He had promised to never betray Daniel again. This wasn’t a betrayal, Sean reminded himself, it was salvation.
“Daniel, come on.” If there was ever a time they needed to be on the same page, it was now.
“So we went all this way? All that shit... for nothing?! You told me… you told me we were going to Mexico! You said—!”
“We’re done! The end!” Arguing with Daniel always made him nauseous, but this felt catastrophic and Sean knew the only one to blame was himself.
To stop any more debate, he yanked the keys from the dash and hurled them out the window. He would not be convinced and now there was no going back. Sean turned to meet Daniel’s gaze. “It’s not—!” He started, but the look on Daniel’s face was one Sean would remember for the rest of his life. The horrified upturn of his brows, the widening of his tear-filled eyes, the jolt of his throat, hiccuped with trapped words. “...who we are…” Sean urged, his words going soft. He couldn’t keep going. He would rather die than crush his brother anymore than he already had.
A thick silence filled the car. Sean hoped with the last bit of resolve he had left that Daniel would finally heed his words.
“Now it’s my turn to take care of us, Sean.” The reassurance slapped against him like ice. “Everything will be alright, I promise.”
Click.
Sean snapped around to his door and found the handle somehow locked into place. This was not happening.
Time began to move so fast the next few scenes rushed like chopped images before Sean’s eye. Someone was screaming — it was him, he was screaming — begging for Daniel to stop as blurs of sand sped past his window — he couldn’t remember when they started moving — horror clung to the back of his teeth as if afraid to peek out, to make a move, to be seen, and as he watched Daniel force them past a haze of bullets — this was not what he wanted — and throw away cars, cops, the agent, and their guns like insects to be swatted — oh god oh god — he completely understood why.
He turned to his brother. Daniel needed his help. Sean had colossally fucked up somewhere. This was the very outcome he had fought within himself to not speak into existence. They had done things to survive, even killed, but this was mass murder. If what happened with Lisbeth took months to overcome, this would stick with Daniel until the end of his days. Sean needed to protect him, he needed to stop his brother and shield him from what this would do.
A shink and all of a sudden the world began to slow.
At first, Sean curiously brought a hand to his throat, his brain sluggish to register what happened. Something had entered him. Like wading through water, his fingers delicately searched underneath his jaw and when he felt a dip, a hole, acid erupted from his stomach and spread throughout his limbs like volcanic ash. He had been shot.
Sean tried to scream, he just had been it should've been easy, but where words were supposed to be, there was only blood. It shoved down his air and cries as if scrambling to abandon ship.
Daniel!
He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t even turn to his brother to see if he had noticed. Fire scorched Sean’s insides as if looking for the bullet to melt it from existence. No, not the bullet. Him.
Daniel!!
It was happening so fast. Seemingly late on a deadline, he felt the rest of his muscles quickly begin to stop working, nothingness starting from his feet and already leeching onto his legs. He pawed urgently against his throat. If he could just take it out. If he could just get it out. His vision was blurring, and soon the weariness he experienced earlier compared nothing to the absolute exhaustion he felt now.
Sean wasn’t stupid. Tears ran down his cheeks and mixed with the blood cascading past his lips. He couldn’t even taste the salt, the only thing coating his tongue were pools of iron. Vaguely, he could still hear the destruction happening outside the car and the screams of the police as Daniel ripped them away like weeds. He couldn’t remember when he closed his eyes. Sean had failed to protect his brother. A whine of anguish pierced the back of his throat but only served to add to his choking. He failed.
I’m sorry. He didn’t know whether he was apologizing to Daniel or his dad or both. I’m so sorry.
A noise sounded directly by his ear, but almost all of Sean’s senses had shut down. Daniel… He wanted to hold his brother, but he couldn’t see him or feel him or do anything to reach him. He just wanted to hold his brother. He failed and he was so fucking scared. Tears he could no longer feel drenched his eyelashes in nonstop waves. He just wanted to hold Daniel before… before…
I’m sorry…
One last time, he just wanted to be held by his father
before