Work Text:
“Hand me that wrench, will you?” I said, impatiently holding out my right hand in her general direction, until the cool metal landed in my palm.
“You could do this yourself.” Y/N pointed out to me in that endearingly teasing tone.
I huffed and tried to hide my content smile. “You got anything better to do?”
Her answer should’ve been “No”, for this has been our routine for quite a while now. We wake up together, we eat and then she’ll follow me around the factory, assisting me whenever asked and if not, just watching me work. I liked having her at my side all the time, loneliness has become a foreign feeling for me. And yet, trouble was brewing in my paradise.
“…I could prepare for the meeting.” She said, hushed and quietly, as if speaking to herself but I heard her words clearly.
The wrench hit the workbench hard, my anger unleashing quickly through the metal, making Y/N’s breath hitch.
“I told you, you’re not coming.” I kept my voice low, trying very hard to keep myself in check.
I could feel the frown on her face on my back. “But Karl, you can’t just keep me prisoner here forever.”
“Prisoner? Is that what you think you are, Y/N? I’m trying to protect you, you fucking ungrateful cunt.” I hissed, hating the words as soon as they left my mouth, but I couldn’t stop them.
I was never good at holding back, even when it came to the ones most dear to me. Can’t she see I’m doing what’s best for her? Why can’t she accept that what I’m doing, I’m only doing because I love her and need her to stay at my side? Does she think I was only thinking about my selfish desires by doing so? Does she…hate me?
“Karl…” Her voice sounded hurt, and I felt a cold touch on my shoulder. “Please, it isn’t your fault.”
I whipped around to face her, but Y/N was gone. Fucking typical of her, running away instead of facing me.
Despite the pain in my chest, I chuckled into the silence around me, muttering quietly. “I’m protecting her. I was always protecting her.”
And then I took another sip of my brandy.
“Y/N! Got dinner ready!” I called out, setting the small table in my living quarters with the two plates.
Admittedly, cooking wasn’t exactly my forte, but I hoped that by doing this for her, Y/N would see that I’m sorry about our earlier confrontation. I haven’t seen her since then, but I hoped she would allow me to see her again now. We could have a good time, just us, forgetting about that cloud above our love.
I grabbed a bottle of whiskey and poured us both a glass, noticing a flash in the corner of my eyes and blinking a few times because of it. Y/N stood against the wall, suddenly appearing as if out of thin air, but I brushed it off as always. She’s a fast-moving girl, I knew that, nothing unusual.
“That looks delicious.” She commented with a little smile, approaching my side. Had she already forgiven me?
She stepped up to the tips of her toes and pressed a cold kiss to my cheek. Y/N always felt kind of cold these days, but I was sure I didn’t need to worry about it. Y/N is resilient, she’d survive anything, I would make sure of it.
Despite the chill, I leaned into the kiss, wanting to memorize every last craves of her lips on my skin. I could warm her, I knew I could, I was a damn furnace inside, but it never seemed to work as I wanted it to. Her coldness left my side and she settled down in her usual seat, smiling and nodding at my own, beckoning me to sit as well.
I drank and ate, while she did the same, taking a few glances at me every now and then, as if contemplating on speaking.
“What is it, darling? My food not good?” I tried teasing her, hoping to get her more at ease again, make her smile that beautiful smile of hers. The one that would set my heart aflame every time she gifted it to me.
“Even if that was possible, I wouldn’t tell you.” She playfully replied, though her eyes looked worried. “It’s just…Karl this meeting-“
I cut her off, yet again, in a warning tone. “Y/N.”
Why did she have to bring that damn meeting up again?! This dinner was supposed to lead our heads away from this subject!
“Please Karl, just listen to me.” She begged me, setting her utensils down slowly, dinner long forgotten. “Mother Miranda is going to find out about me eventually, you can’t hide me forever. I’m sure she’ll be less angry if we come out with the truth ourselves instead of her finding out.”
I slammed my own utensils down hard, shooting up from my seat with enough force to knock the chair over. The sound from the impact rang around the room, Y/N flinching slightly, but holding my gaze. We are so different. She is soft, were as I am hard. She is careful, I am impulsive. She’s kind and I’m a monster.
“Enough! You’re not coming to that fucking meeting, end of discussion!” Why was I always yelling at her? Yes, I am angry, but I didn’t want her to be scared of me. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, I know how Mother Miranda ticks, if she finds you, she’s going to take you away from me!”
When had I closed my eyes? The darkness left as I snapped my eyes open, frantically looking around the room that only I was inhabiting anymore. My breathing was off, my chest felt tight and a chill settled over my spine, making me shiver uncomfortably.
Y/N was gone, once again, her plate restored back to how I had set it down just minutes ago, as if she hadn’t touched it at all. No, no, not again, I don’t want to drown again, I can’t take it.
In a haste, I swallowed down my glass of whiskey, then the one I had set out for Y/N for good measure. A light buzz slit my troubled mind into pieces, making me feel light again, not one single thought making any sense anymore, so I wasn’t able to follow and dwell on them.
Tremblingly, I fumbled around until I could light a cigar and bring it to my mouth, forcing the smoke in deeper than it was supposed to until I felt my lungs burn. Y/N would come back.
Before Y/N came into my life, I rarely bothered with cleaning myself. I’d get sweaty and greasy again anyway, so why bother?
But Y/N didn’t apricate the grime when I’d climb into bed with her, so she put me on a strict “shower before bed” rule, which I at first rolled my eyes for.
To make me more amenable, she joined me in the shower most of the time, which caused me to find myself looking forward to showering every evening. My hands roamed over her smooth skin, cold to the touch despite the warmth of the water and steam around us. I was careful when I let the bar of soap slide along the curves of her beautiful body, admiring every little freckle or mole, every little detail of her. They were burned into my brain, never to be forgotten, never allowed to be forgotten.
A hand laid upon my right cheek, the thumb softly swiping over the sharp cheekbone, the other fingers gently scratching at my beard. I sighed deeply, leaning into her touch gratefully, eyes closed. I wanted to stay in here with her for the rest of eternity.
“I love you, Y/N.” I whispered, as if the words were forbidden from being formed on my tongue, a secret to be well kept, a promise of danger to come if not.
“I know you do, Karl. I love you too.” She whispered back the secret, her breath gracing the shell of my ear.
Does she know, though? I wasn’t doing a good job of showing it, lately.
I frowned, my heart heavy with dread. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I failed you.”
She said nothing, her hands sliding to my chest, slowly pushing me backwards until my back met with the cold tiles of the shower walls. I felt like being hit with a brick, yerking in place, the world spinning and spinning.
I couldn’t explain how, but suddenly I was alone in the shower, sitting naked on the floor with water hitting me from above, cold from running for so long. My stomach lurched and revolted and I barely managed to turn my aching body over so my head was over the drain before I threw up.
Weak and trembling, I watched as the puke went down the drain, before letting my forehead come to rest on it, hoping the cool metal would soothe my throbbing head.
Where was Y/N? Why would she leave me so abruptly? I’m clearly not in the best shape, how can she just abandon me when I needed her the most?!
The bottle of Vodka in the other corner of the stall seemed to mock me with its presence, the answer so obvious, yet I refused to see it. Much less believe it.
Y/N traced the tips of her fingers over the map of scars on my chest, exploring my body as she did many times before. I didn’t understand her fascination with the scars, how it was important to her that I knew she wasn’t repulsed by them but admired them for the story they told. Saying she admired how brave I was to come up on top after so much horror inflicted upon me.
I may have survived what Miranda did to me, but I was broken and shattered, beyond repair, I once thought. But Y/N managed to piece some of me back together, reshaping me into something I didn’t entirely hate. And for that, I will forever be grateful for.
Her lips traced after where her fingers went, a teasing bite being delivered to my nipples, making me groan quietly. She knew my body so well, knew all the ways she could play it to do her bidding. I loved it.
“Relax, my love.” I heard her voice all around me, soft, like that of an angel. “Let me make you feel good.”
Her hand danced across my skin on a slow path downwards, tugging the waistband of my breves down until my cock was exposed to the world. I felt her smile against the skin of my neck, her teeth grazing the skin there as a hand wrapped around my length.
Lazily, as if she was playing with my pleasure, she started to stroke me. My lower abdomen tensed and relaxed rhythmically with her up and down movements of her hand, my chest expanding with deep breaths to keep control and let her do as she pleased. I could wait, she deserved to set her own pace after how shitty I’ve been treating her.
“Do you feel good?” She asked me, a soft purr in her voice, as cute as it was seductive.
“Of course I do.” I said through clenched teeth, trying to keep myself together as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over me. “Whatever you do, I always feel good with you.”
Why did I feel like tearing up? We had sex many times, why was this simple hand job getting me so overwhelmed?
Because this was her last.
I shook my head, refusing to listen to that treacherous thought. Y/N will stay with me forever, I will protect her with all I had, I had to. I can’t function without her, like a gear without purpose, turning in place without a goal, without use.
The haze of pleasure and buzz broke apart, and I once again felt like being slapped across the face. I looked down at myself, my own hand wrapped around my cock instead of Y/N’s. She’s gone, once again. My erection flagged, my cock soft and nothing could get me back into the thoughts I had before. It never worked.
I felt my eyes burn with unshed tears, but refused to let them out, instead turning over to the nightstand and grabbing the bottle of beer there. The cool glass touched my lips and I drank the liquid with an eagerness I don’t feel for anything else these days.
I hated meetings. I hated having to face Mother Miranda, I hated to interact with my so-called siblings and most of all: I hated having to leave Y/N behind at the factory.
The thought of her remaining alone and unprotected for hours was unsettling to me, even though I knew the factory was the safest place for her.
Miranda was late that day, I noted, leaving the other lords and me to ponder over what the reason for it was. Something was definitely off, I couldn’t place it, but I felt it in every fibre of my body. And then I heard a voice, not that of Mother Miranda’s though, and I never thought I’d wish to hear her voice instead. But when she did speak just then, I quickly wished otherwise.
“Dear children, please excuse me for being late, but I have found this little rat sneaking about at the entrance.” Mother Miranda said in a harsh voice, dragging Y/N with her by her hair.
I was rooted to my seat, unable to think or speak, Miranda laying her cold gaze upon me with a knowing look.
“Heisenberg, I’m sure you know who this is?”
“Mother Miranda, please, I can explain-“ I rasped, terrified of what Miranda had planned, but she cut me off.
“I don’t want to hear your begging, or your excuses!” She said, yanking as Y/N’s hair harder to make her cry out before she was harshly shoved to the ground, just a few meters in front of me.
“K-Karl, I-I’m sorry.” She sobbed, tears streaming down her eyes, those eyes that pleaded for me to help her. “You were right.”
“Shut it, mortal!” Miranda demanded, setting a foot down on Y/N’s back to keep her in place, keeping me rooted to the spot with her warning gaze.
I needed to help Y/N but was afraid of what Miranda might do to her if I intervened. Maybe I could salvage this, maybe I could save her with my words, but a part of me knew that this was just wishful thinking. Mother Miranda didn’t know the word mercy.
“Heisenberg, you have kept this woman from me, hidden her in your factory, and not for the purpose of experimenting on her. This woman is a distraction, one that would be taken care of, right away. This is your doing.” As Mother Miranda spoke, she lifted one of her hands above her head, claws forming and I knew what she was about to do.
Time slowed down, to my dismay, I wasn’t fast enough, I was barely halfway at Y/N’s side when Miranda forced her hand through her back until it reappeared out of Y/N’s chest.
I saw it all, every horrifying detail. The way the blood splattered across the floor, how it pooled underneath Y/N. The sound of her rips breaking, the groan of pain. How her mouth opened to speak, but all that came out was blood. And worst of all, her wide, terrified eyes that stared directly at mine as the light of life in them dimed down and died.
Her body went limp, and she was gone. All I could do was gather her broken form in my arms, begging her to stay with me, begging the world, hell even fucking Miranda, to bring her back to me, but it was in vain.
Y/N was gone.
I yerked awake violently, the bottles of rum I had in bed with me rolling off the edge and shattering on the ground. I screamed; I didn’t know what else to do anymore. I can’t escape reality forever, being drunk all the time could only bring me so far.
But I couldn’t face the fact that I had lost what I had treasured the most: My love. I couldn’t protect her, I failed her. I hated myself for failing her.
I rubbed over my tired eyes, trying to ignore how wet my skin was from tears and sweat. Sadness, pain, sorrow, it was all I knew anymore. I couldn’t even be angry, not even blaming Miranda for killing her, but myself for letting it come to that. To give that witch the chance to end the love of my life.
I had to see her. I got up on shaking legs, not bothering to step around the shards of glass and liquor on the floor, feeling deserving of feeling the pain of them cutting into the sole of my feet and the burn that came from the rum entering the wounds.
I walked along dark hallways, the factory quiet, as all production has stopped for now. I can’t power the factory while the guilt and misery were eating at me. I stopped at the familiar door and pushed it open, my faded eyes coming to rest over the form of Y/N.
The reactor in her chest wasn’t turned on, the metal bits and pieces that held her body together didn’t suit her at all. I remembered how I frantically tried to reanimate her once I managed to carry her lifeless form back to the factory. I used all my skills, all my knowledge from creating the Soldats, and tried to restore her.
Yet here she was, her mutilated body hanging on the wall, looking more like the Soldats than my darling Y/N. As always, I glanced over at the wall where the switch was that would power her reactor, staring at it with a terrifying longing.
She didn’t deserve, nor would want this to be her fate. I was so caught up in my manic efforts to keep her with me, that I forgot that she wasn’t just anyone. She was the woman that made me smile, that would listen to my nonsense rambling, that would help me out in the factory, that would comfort me every day.
I couldn’t bring myself to flip the switch, afraid of what I’d be faced with. No matter how hard I would try, this wasn’t Y/N anymore. It looked like her, mostly, it had some recordings of her voice, but it wasn’t her. I was terrified to watch her open her eyes, being faced with their beauty again, yet knowing there was no life behind it. This wasn’t right, but what else could I fucking do?!
I approached her and went to my knees, desperately pressing my forehead against her thigh. I grabbed one of her hands, pressing it to my cheek, looking for warmth but only receiving coldness.
I sobbed weakly, holding onto her. “Why did you have to follow me to the meeting? I was trying to protect you. I’m lost without you, I don’t know how to get better again. I miss you. You deserved better than this.”
I got no response, what else was I expecting? I stayed with her body for a while longer, hoping for it to comfort me, but the grief never left, nor did the guilt. Eventually, I would return back to my room, would drink and drink until I was drunk enough to force my mind back into my memories.
At least then, I wasn’t alone. At least then, Y/N was still alive, pissing me off and yet loving me all the same.