Chapter Text
Apollo was being an idiot.
That wasn’t exactly new—he was an idiot like, all the time, but usually it was a tolerable level. A familiar, background amount of stupid and annoying, which made him do things like flirt with her English teacher who happened to also be at Costco that Saturday and try to make up for it by handing her a hundred bucks and saying, “Here, frozen yogurt on me. That’s enough for two Very Berry Sundaes, right?”
But this was crossing a line.
“You can’t be here,” Meg hissed as she dragged him out of the dining area of the stupidly fancy Greek restaurant and into the hallway she assumed led to the bathrooms. Actually, who cared? As long as they were out of view (and earshot) of Maria, she didn’t give a rat’s ass who saw this.
Apollo’s eyes, still sparkly gold from his little display at the table, were wide. “What? Why not?” he whined. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay! You never know, she could be a monster in disguise or—”
Meg cut him off by slamming him bodily against the predictably Greek key-patterned wallpaper. “You’re spying on me.”
“Okay, I feel like spying is a little harsh. I prefer checking in.” He flashed her a toothy grin that seemed really out of place on the face of his old and formal-looking mortal waiter disguise.
“This is a private date,” Meg snapped. “How’d you even find out—never mind, god of prophecy. Ugh.”
“Yup,” Apollo said, popping the p obnoxiously. “Sorry, Meg, it sort of comes with the territory.”
“Well, just ‘cause you know it’s happening doesn’t mean you have to stalk me,” Meg pointed out. “Maria doesn’t know about—all the goddy stuff yet. I’m waiting for the right time.”
Apollo squirmed like an earthworm, twisting out from under the forearm she’d been pressing against his chest. He spread his arms wide and twirled around like a little girl in a princess dress, showing off his dumb black-and-white waiter uniform. “Hence this clever disguise. She won’t ever be the wiser.”
Irritatingly, he was kind of right about the disguise. Meg hadn’t known he was anything but a normal fancy waiter until after he’d taken their orders, when his eyes had gone suddenly gold and he’d winked meaningfully at her across the table. But still. That didn’t mean he could be here annoying her when she was trying to be on her first date ever.
“Apollo,” she said warningly.
He sighed and wilted like a flower in the blazing Palm Springs sun. “Oh, all right, fine. I’ll go.”
Meg nodded approvingly. Good. At least that hadn’t been too painful, in terms of how interactions with Apollo generally went when he got like this.
He made it halfway down the hallway and then stopped. “Um, after I give the kitchen your orders.”
Meg rolled her eyes, and he gave her another smile, slightly guiltier this time. “Bye, Meg!” he called, and then disappeared back the way they’d come, presumably in the direction of the kitchen.
Okay. Meg took a deep breath in and out like Lu always told her to do when she needed to get rid of anxiety or whatever. The calm trickled in slowly, like water soaking into potting soil.
She went back to the table, hoping all the way that Maria wouldn’t ask why Meg had yanked their waiter along with her when she “went to the bathroom.”
Thank the gods (except the one who’d caused this problem in the first place), Maria seemed not to have noticed her grabbing Apollo. That or she was much cooler than Meg had thought about violence against strangers.
“How was the bathroom?” Maria asked, and then put her hands over her face like she was embarrassed. “Sorry, I’m just—I’ve never done this before. Um, a date, I mean.”
“Me neither,” Meg volunteered.
Maria looked shocked, her dark eyes widening. “Really? You were so, like, confident when you asked me last week, I just thought…”
“Nope,” Meg said. “First time.”
“Oh, cool! Guess we’re kind of on the same level, then,” Maria said with a shy smile.
“Yeah,” Meg agreed.
This was…harder than she had expected. What were you supposed to talk about on a first date? She didn’t actually know Maria that well, despite the couple classes they’d both been in during sophomore year and then math this year. Maybe that was what you were supposed to do: get to know the person better? That sounded right. She’d never admit it to him, but Meg was now kind of regretting not asking Apollo for dating tips. Considering how many years he’d been alive and how many kids he had, he had to have some useful advice. But if Meg had asked him, he would’ve definitely found out about this date. Not that it mattered, since he’d found out anyway with his cheater god powers.
Ugh, now she was stuck thinking about Apollo when she was supposed to be thinking about things to talk about with Maria.
Before Meg could scrounge up any good questions, Maria cleared her throat. “So, since we don’t actually know each other that well, do you want to…tell me about yourself?”
“Okay,” Meg said, and then froze. Oh gods, what could she say that was okay for a mortal to know? “I’m sixteen. I like to garden a lot. I have a lot of siblings. They’re adopted. Also a really annoying big brother.”
“Oh, me too,” Maria said. “Well, not the lot of siblings part—I only have two, but one of them is definitely a really annoying big brother.”
“You know our math test last week? Mine woke me up at 2am the night before by playing some stupid Beethoven song on his piano. Said he ‘lost track of time.’ I couldn’t get back to sleep after that. Totally bombed the test.” Apollo had apologized like five times the next morning when Meg came down for breakfast looking like one of the evil zombies controlled by that purple king guy Hazel and Artemis killed at Camp Jupiter that one time. The sorrys hadn’t made her unfail her math test, but the apology peach pancakes he’d made were almost worth it. Too bad she’d been way too pissed at him in the moment to actually tell him that.
Maria laughed. The way her cheeks crinkled up was really cute, and Meg couldn’t stop herself from smiling back a little.
“My brother isn’t so much into music. Honestly, I wish he was. Instead he’s always yelling at his video games late at night, and my room is right next to his.” Maria shook her head. “Mamá has grounded him for it so many times but he still does it. Beethoven sounds way more relaxing.”
Meg snorted. “You would think. My brother gets way too into it, though. Like he’s playing a super dramatic solo at a concert or something. It’s sooooooo loud.”
“Hey, I play the cello—maybe if I ever meet him we can do a super dramatic duet,” Maria offered.
“Don’t encourage him,” Meg muttered, and Maria giggled.
“What’s your brother’s name? Mine’s Mateo.”
“A—” Meg started automatically, then cut herself off before she gave away that her “brother” was actually a wildly ancient Greek god. “Uh, Lester.”
“Okay, making a mental note,” Maria said, tapping her temple. “I’m really bad with names, so sorry if I accidentally call him Larry or something.”
“Nah, that’d be hilarious,” Meg told her. Apollo was way over caring about being called Lester, but “Larry” might get a fun reaction. Especially if he thought Meg was going around introducing him as Larry for kicks.
“Somehow I’m not sure your brother would feel the same way,” Maria said. A fresh smile blossomed on her lips like a red rose in Aeithales’s gardens. She caught Meg’s eyes, and Meg felt her cheeks heat up.
Both she and Maria glanced away at the same time. Meg resisted the urge to crawl under the table or lunge for the dumb olive branch centerpiece and literally teleport out of here. Though she still wasn’t great at teleporting through cut plants, so maybe that wasn’t the best idea. Also, she was kind of trying to avoid scaring Maria off on the first date with god-related things. Otherwise Meg might as well’ve just let Apollo stay and pull whatever stupid scheme he was trying to pull.
Meg squashed the part of her that wanted to flee and looked back at her date. She could do this. She was not going to mess this up.
“Um,” Maria said. She’d also turned back towards Meg, but seemed to be staring at Meg’s forehead rather than meeting her eyes. “What else does Mateo do… Oh! Does Lester tell you about all the people he’s dating all the time? ‘Cause I swear, every week Mateo has like, a new conquest. I don’t even know how so many girls are into him! He’s not even that handsome.”
“Gods—um, god yes,” Meg agreed, grateful for something to distract her from the growing sensation of tiny centipedes crawling around in her stomach. It didn’t exactly feel bad, but it was weird and unfamiliar and ranting about Apollo and his dating drama was familiar and always fun. “Last week he was into some violin player guy named John. Actually Jeff, I think. He wouldn’t shut up about the stupid guy. Said Jeff was his soulmate. And this weekend he was crying in my bedroom about Jeff dumping him. Does it even count as dumping if you only met him once?”
Maria shrugged. “I don’t think so? I don’t even think Mateo is dating so much as…um…hooking up. He’s lucky I’m not a snitch or he’d be getting la chancla for sure.”
“Ugh. Brothers,” Meg said.
“Ugh is right,” Maria agreed. “How old is Lester?”
“Uh, he’s a few”—thousand—“years older than me.”
“Same with Mateo,” Maria said. “He’s leaving for college in the fall. I know I just complained about him a lot, but I think I’ll probably miss him. Don’t tell him I said that.”
“I won’t,” Meg promised, though she didn’t really think she’d have the chance to. Actually, if she ever went over to Maria’s house, maybe she would end up meeting Mateo. The idea of visiting Maria’s house made the centipedes in her stomach skitter around even more.
Thankfully, Maria seemed to like talking almost as much as Apollo. Until the food came, Meg was able to distract herself with conversation about other annoying things their brothers enjoyed doing, like the way Mateo always kicked Maria’s ass when they played soccer one-on-one in the backyard no matter how many times she asked him to chill out and go easy, and how Apollo had gotten super into Broadway musicals lately and wasn’t able to go a single car ride without belting all of Defying Gravity. (He always tried to get Meg to join in on the duet parts, which she obviously refused, so he usually split himself into two Apollos to sing Elphaba and Glinda’s roles at the same time. Kind of horrifying that she had learned the character names when she’d been trying so hard not to. Also, it really sucked that she couldn’t exactly tell Maria about the whole doubling himself thing, since it was by far the most annoying part.)
They were about halfway through their food—Meg’s gyros were actually both yummy and filling, something she hadn’t expected given what she’d heard about fancy restaurants—when something behind Maria caught Meg’s eye mid-bite.
That motherfucker.
The expression on Meg’s face must have turned murderous, because Maria stopped in the middle of her sentence, cocked her head, and said, “Hey, you okay?”
“Mmm,” Meg growled around an unchewed mouthful of meat and pita.
“What are you looking—” Maria craned her neck over her shoulder and saw exactly what it was Meg was looking at. It was really, really hard to miss. “Oh, do you know that guy?”
“That guy” was dressed like he’d fallen into a vat of liquid gold and not bothered to clean himself up afterwards, and he was prancing through the restaurant like he owned the place with his equally tacky-looking date on his arm.
Meg swallowed. “You could say that,” she said through gritted teeth.
Maria looked at Meg, then back at the guy, then back at Meg, her eyes wide. “Wait, no way. Is that your brother? Larry—I mean, Lester? Dang, he is not at all what I pictured.”
Meg was calm. Meg was so calm right now. She was so zen. She would not sprint across the restaurant and strangle the eternal life out of the most irritating god in existence. She would not pull the replacement siccae rings he’d given her for her 16th birthday out of the pocket of her nice leggings and chop him up into tiny pieces in public.
“Meg?” Maria waved her hand across Meg’s field of vision, sounding a little concerned. “Is that your brother? Should we go say hi? Or is he not supposed to be here or something? You kind of look like you want to murder him.”
“Yes. No. No. I do want to murder him,” Meg said zen-ly, answering Maria’s questions in order.
Maria’s eyebrows rose, but after a second she smirked and motioned Meg towards her across the table.
Meg stared at her blankly. In Meg’s peripheral vision, the blur of gold that was Apollo sat down at a table.
“Lean in,” Maria urged. “I wanna tell you something.”
Confused but curious, Meg leaned towards her.
“Okay, so, I’m just thinking, isn’t now the perfect time to get back at your brother for being super annoying? I already have a plan. Are you in?” Maria whispered.
As if she even had to ask.