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I coughed harshly, holding the trash can tightly in my hands. I cough up petals. Blue gorgeous petals. Some are stained with the color of crimson.
Hanahaki Disease... This has been going on for a month. It really hurts to breathe. People think I have asthma but... no. Its love. Painful love. That I wish to discard.
I'm in love with Rise, who has no feelings for me. Her feelings are for Yu.
I'm going to die...
A week ago
It all started, when I was just chatting with my friends. We were at Junes, eating as we laughed. Enjoying our time. Well... that was till I let out a cough. I cleared my throat and continued talking. But it came back and I coughed again. Rise was the only one who noticed my discomfort and patted my back, which I smiled at her, but it didn't help. Getting frustrated, I cleared my throat. It still came back so I went to go get some water. It wouldn't leave. It felt like something was coming up my throat. I immediately dismissed myself and ran back to home. Immediately grabbing a trash can and coughed harshly. I felt something come out of my mouth. It felt light. After a few minutes, I was sorta able to breathe... wait. Sorta...
It's became harder to breathe normally. Like something was in my lungs. I looked in the trash, my eyes widening at the sight. Blue petals. Did I just... throw up flowers? No... surely that wasn't possible... I have to be dreaming. Yeah...
I shook my head and decided to go to bed. Maybe I'll wake up from this strange dream...
Next day...
The second I woke up, I couldn't breathe at all. I sat up in panic, realizing I'm choking. I held my neck, wheezing as I'm trying to clear my airway out. Eventually it came out, a whole blue flower came out of my mouth. I took in a deep breath, relieved I could breathe but... I stared at the flower, scooping it up with my palms to take a closer look. This just came out of me... what is happening?
—
I went to school, doing my normal classes and works. Till I saw Rise Kujikawa in the hallway. I felt a tighting pain in my chest. I took in a deep breath, trying not to cough. It would be a hassle if my classmates saw me cough up flowers. So I fought myself not to cough. Eventually the urge went away but... I'm starting to get worried. This all felt very real.
Maybe it'll go away...
Few days later
We're in the shadow world and my "flower asthma" came back at the worst time.
"Naoto...?!"
I'm wheezing. I'm on the ground clutching to my shirt all curled up. The pain was excruciating. It felt like there was torns everywhere in my lungs and throat. So badly that I started to cough up blood. That was the first blood I've coughed up due to this strange thing, and it meant bad things.
"Hey! What's wrong?!" Chie was there to support me. I shook my head, wincing. I can't fight at all.
"Guys! Naoto's down! She's in a critical state! We need help immediately!" Chie shouted, knowing that everyone could hear her thanks to Rise.
"Okay. We're on our way to regroup. What's her state like?" Rise questioned.
"Shallow breathing, wheezing, clear sign of pain and discomfort, and coughing up blood."
"I see. Try to keep her awake! We'll be there very soon."
"Naoto, hang in there, we got you." Chie says as she moved me into her arms.
Please don't... my condition is so strange... if I told you what it is, you will all think I'm crazy.
"Naoto! Chie!" Rise shouted.
"What's wrong with her?" Yu questioned. Chie wasn't sure.
"I have no idea. We were doing well with this shadow but then she just suddenly collapsed out of nowhere! She was perfectly fine!"
"I see..." Yu sighs.
"Man... she looks so uncomfortable." Rise gets on her knees and placed her hands on my forehead to caress it. I would've smiled but I immediately started to cough harshly.
"Yukiko can you heal her?" Yu questioned. She nodded and summoned her persona to use dia. It did sorta help but I was still in pain. There was no more coughing.
"I- I'm o-okay... I'm okay..." I heaved. Everyone sighed in relief.
"What on earth happened?" Chie was puzzled.
"Uh... the shadow casted a spell on me. Did you not notice by then?" I lied. Chie shook her head. She apologized for not noticing which I forgave.
"Now that you're okay, we can head back home for the day." Yu smiled. We all started to head back. I noticed Rise was being all lovely dovey with Yu. My chest tightens with pain.
A Few Weeks later
I figured out what was wrong with me. I have a disease called Hanahaki Disease... basically I'm in love with someone who doesn't love me back, but who? Is the question.
My condition has gotten much worse over time. To the point I had to leave class to cough up bloody petals. It really hurts. The stems are in my lungs. I can feel the flower in my throat. It really hurts. It's so fucking painful.
What's worse is that it's a blue rose. Meaning there's thorns. There's thorn vines in my lungs, making breathing really painful for me. Which is why I cough up so much blood. I'm going to die from suffocation. I've read about this in a book.
I only have 2-3 months till... I die. It's been a month, and it's only going to get worse from here on now. Why must this happen? Love is not nessasary... who did I fall for? Why me...?
I cough up the sapphire roses. Glistering with my blood.
A Week Later
It's her. Yes. Her. The one who I've fallen for. I'm in love with my friend Rise Kujikawa, but she doesn't want me. She wants Yu. She probably doesn't support same sex relationship. It's over. I'm done for.
I won't be able to live. I've accepted my fate. I've started to stop coming to my friends, well... I still hang out but if Rise is involved, I avoid them. Everytime I look at her, I have the urge to expell flowers. It hurts to look at her. My chest is being squeezed.
I can't breathe normally anymore. It's all shallow now. Sometimes I wheeze. Sometimes I just breath heavily. It takes more effort to breathe now. It's taking up my lungs. Slowly constricting my airway.
I fell onto my bed, hugging my pillow as I sob to myself in pain.
A Few Weeks Later
It's the second month. I don't have much longer. I can tell. I can't even breathe. I choke and wheeze all the time. It's getting harder to do things I enjoy doing. I've been in bed mostly, coughing every second. My room is covered in blue petals. Some whole.
I was out with my friends, Rise was there but I forced myself to go. This may be the very last time I see them. Uncomfortably, everyone was quiet. Till Kanji broke the silent.
"You good Naoto?"
"Hm? Yes I am, why do you ask?" I questioned.
"You look, tired and pale." Yukiko mentioned.
"Rough night." I lied. They looked at me, not believing what I said was true. Wanting to not let them question me anymore, c
"I'm going to go get some water, would any of you like one?"
"Erm... I'll take one." Yosuke said. I nodded and walked off. Eventually coughing. Little did I know, Rise was watching me. She saw my handful of bloody rose petals, and dropping them in the nearby trash.
They're all worried about me... and I feel guilty for them. They don't know that I'll will wilt away anytime soon.
I pressed the number code on the vending machine, getting some drinks. Till I felt someone touch my shoulder. I looked over my shoulders, to see that it was Rise. My throat immediately constricted and I started to choke. Unable to hide it, I let it out. I covered my mouth, coughing.
"N-Naoto?" Rise was startled. I immediately swung my handful of petals behind my back. I faked my smile.
"W-Wh...what's up?" My voice cracked. Rise furrowed her eyebrows.
"What's wrong."
"Huh?"
"You're not okay. Why are you hiding it? Don't you dare lie. It's over. I want the answer now." She's upset. What do I do?!
"U-uh..." My lungs burned in agony. I took in a heavy inhale, sounding like I was wheezing a bit. "I-Its nothing"
Rise grabbed my shoulders. "It's not nothing! Are you dying?! What's goi-"
I failed to hold myself back. I immediately threw up flowers and petals, mixed with blood, in front of Rise who immediately took a step back, staring at me in horror. I covered my mouth, looking upset and horrified. She saw it. It's over. It's all over...
"Wh...Wha... I knew it!"
Huh?
"You have that flower disease. I knew something was off. Why didn't you tell us?" Rise looked hurt.
"I... Its stupid... its incurable" I shakily spoke. Coughing more petals up.
"Who are you in love with? I can he-"
"No... you can't h-help it... you're in love with Yu... aren't you?" I questioned. Rise was perplexed at my question till she realized why I asked.
"Naoto... Y-You're in love with me...?"
I nodded my head. "It's hopeless. You belong with Yu. It's okay. Don't force yourself to love me. I want you to be happy." I smiled, till I fell to my knees hackling blood and flowers. This was the worse one yet, gruesome too.
"Naoto... are you dumb?"
...?
"Yu isn't in love with me. He's in love with Yosuke!"
W-What...?
Rise got on her knees and help my bloody hands. She stared into my eyes.
"I don't love him. He's my friend. I'm just good at hiding things. I've been in love with you since I met you. I didn't know when would be the right time... but I... I love you Naoto... I've been wanting to get that off my chest... I feel so much better saying this...!"
To my surprise, she pulled me into a kiss. I immediately felt a warm sensation all over my body. Everything felt....soothing. I closed my eyes, tilting my head a bit. Enjoying the kiss. Eventually Rise broke the kiss. I stared at her, slightly surprised.
Then I realized something amazing.
"I-I can breathe..." I held my neck. Tears started to form. "I can breathe! It's gone...! There's no more pain!" I laughed in disbelief. I took in a deep breath, so happy to be able to breathe without discomfort. The tighting pain in my chest was gone.
"I cured you!" She giggled. I smiled at her.
I'm going to live, and I have a girlfriend now. My life went back to normal after that.
I was cured by the one who was killing me unknowingly with love.