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He didn’t quite know what it was but Keito sat at his desk with an indescribable emptiness in his heart. It was the kind of emptiness that didn’t hurt per se but he couldn’t stop feeling it no matter what he did. He wasn’t stressed. He’d just entered a lull in his work so it couldn’t have been stress. If anything he was relaxed. Or he would have been if he didn’t desperately crave… something. It was frustrating really. If he just knew what the hell was wrong with him he could fix himself up easy and wind down for the evening without issue. But, of course, the one time he had the time to wind down was the one time he felt he had no chance of doing so. He pushed his glasses up his head so he could rub at his face. He patted his cheeks impatiently but nothing answered his problem.
Kuro probably had some idea of what this was. He was always better at this than him. And then the thought of Kuro turned that emptiness in his heart into a stupid ache. He hadn’t seen him since yesterday morning. And suddenly, it was becoming apparent to Keito exactly what was wrong. That emptiness was because Kuro hadn’t been around to fill it. And the ache was because he wasn’t around to dampen that pain. It was always growing in Keito, but Kuro always remedied it. But without maintenance, it had grown out of hand. Loneliness. Keito was horrifically and stupidly lonely. It was nothing but pathetic, honestly, but it all made sense now. When it came down to it Keito was a fundamentally lonely person. He’d grown used to it, really. But Kuro was always too kind and offered love so freely that he’d grown dependent on it. Though Keito was famously abstinent, Kuro had watered the garden of love in his heart to the point he felt it wilt when he was gone. It was cruel of him to give so much. Especially when he decided it was okay to disappear for a day.
With a frustrated humph, he picked up his phone from his desk and called Kuro before he had the chance to second guess himself. The call rang out and all Keito got was the taste of a voice through his voicemail message. It wasn’t enough. In fact, it just made him crave more. He called again. But it rang out again. So he listened to the voicemail message again. Just once or twice wasn’t enough but perhaps if he heard Kuro’s voice just… a couple more times he’d… he’d be alright. So he called a third time. And a fourth. He tried to drown out the pain of going unanswered with the memory of the way Kuro apologised for being busy and asked him to leave a message. Keito could have left a message but he wasn’t in the headspace to speak. He just needed something to hold him over. They had an AKATSUKI obligation tomorrow evening and he’d see him then. He just needed to hold himself over…
He wasn’t sure how much time had passed but he lay on his desk, phone on speaker, listening to Kuro’s voicemail over and over. ‘One more time’ turned into two, turned into five, turned into god knows how many. He didn’t know why. He just couldn’t stop listening. He’d stare as the phone rang and then close his eyes as Kuro’s voice filled the room with his gentle gruffness. It was pathetic, sure. But Keito didn’t care anymore. He needed this. He deserved it. It became meditative. And peaceful. And selfish — he knew it was selfish. But he wasn’t above selfishness right now.
“Danna?!”
Keito’s head shot up from his desk and he was horrified by what he found. Kuro was holding a ringing phone. The phone Keito had been obsessively calling, somehow forgetting that calling someone’s phone does in fact alert them to the fact that you’ve called. The phone Keito had called an obsessive and scary amount of times was in the room with him now. Keito stayed silent as he stared up at Kuro. The phone rang out again and Keito still melted a little to the sound of his voicemail like the freak he was.
“Are you good?! I thought you were dyin’ or something!” There was an air of panic in Kuro’s voice.
“If you thought I was dying, why didn’t you answer?”
“I didn’t see all your calls ‘til just now! I ran over as soon as I did!” Kuro was finally catching his breath. It seemed he really did run over as soon as he could.
“Oh.” Keito looked down at his hands in his lap. “Sorry.”
“What’s the matter with ya? Ya haven’t been this annoying for years.”
“Annoying?!”
“I mean, the pesterin’ and shit! Did you urgently need somethin’ or did ya just call me about 60 times for no reason?”
“If you think I’m annoying you don’t have to be here. Just go back to whatever it was that took up all your attention in the first place,” Keito said.
“Hey, I can’t just leave ya now! This is excessive, even for you, Danna. What’s wrong with you?”
There were so many things wrong with him. He had the chance to relax and he couldn’t. He was so lonely he wanted to die. He was so lonely he’d spent the past half hour or so listening to Kuro say the same couple of lines through his phone over and over. He hated people but needed them so badly right now. He didn’t want to take away from whatever Kuro was doing but he couldn’t help himself. He was two steps away from dropping to his knees and begging. He wasn’t sure what for — attention? Love? He didn’t know — he just needed someone. He hated himself so much for it but he just needed something. Kuro wasn’t cruel… it was Keito.
“You can talk to me, ya know?” Kuro said, approaching Keito’s desk and sitting on the edge of it, “Whatever it is…”
“I don’t… I don’t know what it is…” Keito mumbled.
“Okay…”
“I… Sorry…”
“Is something goin’ on? Sakuma buggin’ you or something?”
Keito shook his head, “It’s nothing like that.”
“Then what?”
Keito couldn’t look at him. His tongue felt fat in his mouth. He couldn’t breathe either. “I… haven’t seen you all day…”
Kuro stilled for a moment as he processed. Keito was ready to hide under his desk. But then Kuro softened. He let out a fond sigh.
“I’ve been missin’ ya too, Danna…” Kuro said, “Whether you’d called me or not, I was planning on stopping by.”
“Really?”
Kuro nodded, “Your calls just gave me extra reason. Gave me a reason to worry, ya know?”
“Oh…”
“Did ya really miss me so bad you had to call me so many times?”
“Okay, I forgot that calling you actually meant I was calling you.”
Kuro tried to hide his smile, “How?”
“I’m fairly exhausted!”
“Yeah, I can tell.”
“I was just listening to your voicemail, I didn’t actually mean to bother you…”
“Surely it mighta been nicer to bother me than sittin’ here by yourself listening to a prerecorded message?”
“Mm… Maybe…”
“I got an idea. Wanna hear it?”
“I don’t know, do I?”
“I think so,” Kuro grinned, “Ya wanna stay over at mine, tonight?”
“Can I?”
“‘Course ya can… You’re not the only person in the world he gets lonely, Danna…” Keito almost smiled. “You are the only person that calls someone 60 times just to listen to their voicemail though.”
“Hey…”
“Seriously, my notifications are gonna be messed up forever.”
“I said sorry!”
“Pretty sure you called me more times today than anyone else has ever called me ever.”
“Shut up!”
“But if I do that, you might call me again so you can hear my voicemail ‘cause you miss my voice so much.”
“You’re absolutely insufferable sometimes, I swear.”
“Yeah, but at least I don’t call you 60 odd times in a row.”
“I get it! I get it! I’m annoying and high maintenance and the worst and you want nothing to do with me, I get it!” Keito huffed, crossing his arms.
“Hey…” Kuro walked around to kneel by Keito’s side, “I never said I wanted nothing to do with you…”
“Well, you’ve made it very clear that I’m intense to an unacceptable degree…”
“You are intense. You’re absolutely insane. There aren’t many other ways to describe your behaviour. But it’s one of the things I like about ya… You’re a nag, but it’s ‘cause you’re all sweet inside.”
“I’m not sweet…”
“You annoy me ‘cause ya love me… And I love ya too, so it’s okay.”
“I never said I loved you…”
Kuro chuckled, “You didn’t have to. You don’t have to. I already know.”
Kuro stood back up, taking Keito’s hand as he did. Keito stood too and after a moment he let his head fall forward into Kuro’s chest. It was so unbelievably good to feel him. If he were stronger, he’d wrap his arms around him and squeeze until they both couldn’t breathe. But he didn’t have the energy. He needed to recharge. And that meant simply just being connected to him for a long while. Kuro understood. He carefully placed Keito’s arms around the back of his neck before he bent down just enough to scoop Keito off his feet.
“You better not drop me…” Keito said.
“I would never…” Kuro smiled back. “So, can I take ya home?”
“Mhmm…” Keito closed his eyes and rested comfortably in the crook of Kuro’s neck.
It was embarrassing and pathetic, yes, but god he didn’t want to be anywhere else. Kuro moved carefully as he walked, making sure not to shake Keito around too much. It was so sweet. Far too considerate. But Keito accepted it because he hadn’t the self control to do otherwise. He didn’t care if anyone saw them. He just let himself indulge in Kuro’s strength and love. He’d missed him so much. And he just needed this. He needed it.
They settled into Kuro’s bed that evening easily. They hadn’t separated once. Even while they ate, Keito rested a head on his shoulder much to Kuro’s insistence he didn’t do that because he’d probably spill stuff on him. Keito didn’t care. And if Kuro really were so annoyed by him he wouldn’t be here.
“Ya feel better?” Kuro asked, softly.
“Decidedly.”
“Good…”
“I… I didn’t ask how you were feeling earlier… Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Kuro smiled, “I was worried is all. Worried about you. Gave me a heart attack almost…”
“Sorry.”
“Quit apologising, it’s weird coming from you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing at all, Danna…”
Keito moved on, looking up at Kuro with gentle eyes, “Do you feel better?”
Kuro nodded, “I can keep an eye on ya when you’re in my arms like this… Takes my worries away. I can protect ya when you’re here…”
“While I rescind the idea that I need protecting… Thank you…”
“Everyone needs protectin’ sometimes. Even you.”
“And you?”
“I’m strong enough for the both of us…”
“Can I protect you anyway?”
Kuro pressed his lips into the top of Keito’s head. “Yeah… Thanks, Danna…”
“I lied earlier, by the way. I do love you.”
“I already told ya, I know that.”
“Yes, but I can’t imagine it hurts for me to affirm it…”
“Definitely not… Tell me again, would ya?” Kuro asked, playfully.
Keito sighed. “I love you… Kiryuu…”
“Mm, that is nice… One more time but can ya look at me?”
“Incorrigible…” But Keito was already shuffling up to look Kuro in the eyes. “I love you…”
Kuro snuck forward to steal a kiss. It was uncharacteristically sly but Keito didn’t exactly mind it. He let himself be kissed. And he enjoyed it.
“I love ya too…” Kuro said, “Loads…”
“I missed you… Loads…”
“I missed you too…”
“K… Kiss me again…?”
And Kuro did.