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Ben can’t actually believe he’s about to say yes to this.
Logically, he knows this has disaster written all over it. I mean, who in their right mind says yes to something like that, but this is Callum, his best mate and honestly a lot more than that, and if the past few months of his life have proven anything to him, it’s that he’s definitely some type of masochist.
“So let me get this straight, you want me to play your boyfriend next weekend because you somehow told your brother you’re dating me?”
He doesn’t actually need Callum to explain it all again, he’s heard him perfectly well the first time he described the situation, even if his brain momentarily got stuck on the words ‘my boyfriend’. It’s all he’s wanted to hear Callum say for weeks, but definitely not like this.
Because this is all just pretend.
This is Callum panicking when his brother Stuart heard Ben in the background of a phone call late at night and somehow telling him that he’s the guy Callum’s been seeing lately. A fact which couldn’t be further from the truth, because while they might be sleeping with each other with increasing frequency and intensity, they’re far from being a couple - much to Ben’s dismay.
It happened once after a night out together months ago when they were both a little more than tipsy and when Callum had breached the topic afterwards that they could be friends with benefits instead of forgetting this whole thing ever happened, Ben had jumped on the chance.
It’s how they’ve fallen into this arrangement they have with each other. Where they’re still friends, only with the added extra of giving each other frankly mind blowing orgasms as well. It’s not what Ben really wants with Callum, not by a long shot, but if it’s all he’s going to get from him - and with the way Callum had immediately suggested this thing, not even entertaining the thought of them being together exclusively, it really is all he’s going to get - who is Ben to deny himself this. He knows he’s being selfish but this is his only shot at being with Callum properly.
Apparently, their arrangement now includes playing the boyfriend for each other.
“Please, Ben? Before I could explain to him that it’s nothing really, he already invited both of us to his Christmas party. He wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
Ben tries not to let his disappointment show at Callum labeling them as ‘nothing really’. He knows this doesn’t mean the same to Callum; how could it. Callum is a much better person than he is, full of sunshine and goodness, and the last thing he should settle for is someone like Ben.
“Cal, that isn’t what we agreed this is.”
He’s hesitant to agree to this, because on his list of things he wants to do, playing the boyfriend for his fuckbuddy, the same guy he’s more than a little in love with, isn’t exactly high. He’s scared that this could be the thing that makes him spill all his feelings, all the truth hidden deep inside of him, to Callum.
And that will only lead to carnage and a ruined friendship.
“I know, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t ask you if I wasn’t desperate. But he was so happy that I finally found someone and I didn’t have the heart to tell him. Please, it’s only for a weekend.”
Ben shakes his head because ‘only a weekend’ in this case means three days in Bristol, where Callum’s brother lives, sleeping in the same bed with Callum and just generally having everything he’s ever wanted dangled in front of his face, only to have it ripped away from him again after that.
He isn’t sure if he can get through this with his heart intact but just the mere thought of Callum asking someone else, some stranger online maybe, sends something icy down his spine and he already knows he’s going to agree to anything Callum suggests, just because he doesn’t ever want to let him down.
“Alright, but you seriously owe me.”
❄️🎄❄️🎄❄️
It’s how he finds himself in the driver’s seat of his car, pulling into the driveway of Stuart Highway’s one-story home, Callum positively buzzing beside him. They’ve set a few ground rules on the way here, not too different from the ones they already have in place, and Ben feels way more confident now that they can pull this off and still go back to the way things were before.
They don’t have that many rules to begin with, to be fair. It’s more about the reassurance that their friendship shouldn’t suffer in any way under this; that the years they were friends before they became lovers are more important than their little friends with benefits deal. It’s the same thing they’ve discussed on their way here - if one of them isn’t comfortable with anything, they stop. Whether that’s touching, kissing or anything else. They’ve even agreed to a secret sign.
Ben trusts Callum; more than anyone in his life. And he knows that Callum would never intentionally do anything to hurt him, but it’s good to have an out in case things become too much for him.
The story they came up with is simple: they were friends for a while until something happened that made them realize they meant more to each other than that and so they started dating a few weeks ago. It’s completely believable and, as much as Ben wishes it were different, completely fabricated.
Ben is relaxed right until Callum rings the doorbell and he can hear Stuart’s excited voice from inside. It’s then that for some inexplicable reason the nerves set in for him; doubts filling his head that they’ll get found out immediately. It seems like Callum can somehow sense his nerves from beside him, because he threads their fingers together right before the door swings open, squeezing once to let Ben know that he’s here.
“Cal! I’m so glad you made it. And Ben, it’s nice to finally meet you.”
Stuart pulls both of them into a hug, their hands still awkwardly joined together between them and ushers them into the house and right into his wife. Ben already knows a fair bit about Callum’s family from the years they have been friends. At least, he knows about Stuart and his wife, Rainie. Callum has never talked about any other family he could have, but from the way his face changes whenever the topic of dads is brought up, Ben can guess that it’s a complicated subject for him.
They get settled around the dinner table once introductions have been made and Ben finally relaxes a little. He isn’t really used to the whole meeting the family bit, he never usually makes it that far with men, and he always feels awkward and defensive about being asked so many questions about himself. But he wants to do this - for Callum.
“It’s nice to finally meet you in person, Ben. Good to put a face to all the stories Callum’s been telling us.”
“All good things, I hope.”
He knows there’s a lot Callum could’ve told his family about Ben, especially at the early stages of them knowing each other when they weren’t exactly friends yet, and only about half of those things could be considered good.
“Oh yeah, from the way he was always talking about you, I would’ve thought you’d gotten together ages ago.”
Ben feels Callum tense up beside him, his bottle of Lager pausing on its way to his lips. Ben isn’t sure what made him pause his movements, if he’s maybe worried about something else he said about Ben, but he doesn’t pay it much more attention, focused instead on his role as the perfect boyfriend, placing a calming hand on Callum’s thigh.
“Yeah, well, it took us some time but we got there. Right, babe?”
Callum’s cheeks take on a pink tint at the pet name, probably remembering the only other time Ben uses it, whenever it’s preceded by a ‘god, don’t stop’. It brings a smile to Callum’s face though, his shoulders a lot less tense, so Ben thinks it’s alright.
Better yet, it seems to get him a fair amount of boyfriend points when it comes to Stuart, a bright grin taking over the man’s face when he looks over at the two of them. Ben tries to ignore his heart hammering in his chest at the thought of Callum’s brother approving of him, squeezing Callum’s thigh a little harder than probably necessary.
❄️🎄❄️🎄❄️
By the time night rolls around, Ben’s exhausted from playing pretend all evening, even if he has to admit he’s had a great time today. Rainie has a sharp tongue and a quick wit and if that wasn’t enough to win him over, the way she genuinely cares about Callum is a surefire one. Ben has never seen Callum this at ease with people and just the sight of it is enough to make his heart beat a little faster every time he watches Callum laugh at one of his brother’s jokes.
What really gets his heart thumping though, is them climbing into bed together in the guest room after getting ready that night, settling underneath the sheets with sweaty palms and an erratic heartbeat. It’s not like they’ve never shared a bed, they have on multiple occasions, but they’ve never actually slept in one together. That is a line they made sure not to cross before. He doesn’t know what to expect and that only further fuels the nervousness he feels.
“It went alright though, today? Seems like they bought it anyway.”
Ben lets his head fall into the pillow, turning onto his side so he can face Callum, who’s lying on his back next to him, phone still in hand. He waits until Callum locks his phone and puts it on the nightstand, turning to face Ben as well. His hand rests in the little space between, so close it wouldn’t take much for Ben to close the distance and take his hand in his, but he tries to resist that particular temptation right now, afraid that it might make Callum look straight through his own personal little facade.
“Yeah, I think so. Thanks again for doing this, Ben. I really appreciate it, you know.”
“No worries.”
The look in Callum’s eyes is so warm and tender that it almost forces more words out of Ben’s mouth, completely involuntarily. Words like I’d do anything for you and let’s not pretend anymore. It’s too much for him because he can’t shake the sobering knowledge that this is all pretend. That they’re not much more to each other than a warm body and a convenient access to pleasure. Or rather, they shouldn’t be much more to each other romantically.
The feeling contradicts the urge to lean forward and capture Callum’s lips in a kiss he gets by looking into Callum’s eyes right now. Not to initiate anything physical between them for a change but just so he can feel Callum’s soft lips against his own; have the reassurance that Callum is here and wants to be here with him like this.
But he doesn’t. Callum made that clear to him on more than one occasion and thinking, hoping, for anything else will just end in heartbreak for Ben. It’s why he’s eventually settling on giving Callum’s wrist in-between their heads a light squeeze before turning around, back facing Callum’s front, hoping he can feign going to sleep even though it’ll definitely take him quite a while to do so with Callum’s warm body so tantalizingly close to him.
He thinks he sees a flash of something in Callum’s eyes that almost looks like hurt or disappointment, but Ben is without a doubt just imagining things. It’s probably just Callum hoping for a bit of rough with them in one bed.
Ben waits with almost bated breath until he hears Callum let out a sigh and feels him turn around as well, both now facing away from the other. It feels like there’s this gulf between them now, a ripple Ben desperately wants to close again, but it serves as a good reminder that they’re just pretending; that nothing about this is real no matter how much Ben wants it to be.
It takes him quite a while to fall asleep.
❄️🎄❄️🎄❄️
The first thing Ben notices when he wakes up is the warmth. It’s not stifling heat, more this cozy glow that surrounds him this morning. The next thing he takes note of is the arm securely wrapped around him and the comfortable chest his head is pillowed on. It’s confusing at first because he doesn’t even remember the last time he woke up next to a guy and it’s even more baffling when he remembers that he’s nowhere near his home. Because he’s with Callum.
Oh.
They’ve never done the whole waking up together thing. Usually one of them slinks out after they’ve done what they met up for, but if he’s being completely honest he could really get used to waking up surrounded by the warmth and safety Callum radiates.
If he isn’t careful he just might.
Callum’s mouth is slightly open, little snores escaping him, and his eyelashes flutter against his skin with the intensity of whatever he’s currently dreaming about. He looks so peaceful and soft, carefree in a way he doesn’t often look in everyday life, that it makes Ben’s heart thump and hurt in his chest just by looking at him. He wants this all the time. He wants to fall asleep and wake up next to Callum; he wants to create a life with him - not just as his mate or his fuckbuddy but as his partner.
It’s a sobering thought to know that it’s never going to happen.
The knowledge makes the previously comforting warmth feel unbearable now, the safety from before almost feeling like a trap.
He’s careful about untangling himself from Callum’s body, making sure that he stays asleep through it all. He throws on the hoodie Callum was wearing yesterday, just because it’s the first thing he sees in his haste to get out of the bedroom, sparing one more glance towards Callum’s sleeping from before he’s slipping out of the room.
He feels like he can finally breathe again once he softly closes the door behind him, his chest feeling a bit lighter with every step he takes that leads him away from Callum and the situation he desperately wants but can’t get, though it tightens again when he’s greeted by Stuart in the kitchen.
Callum’s brother is standing at the stovetop, spatula in hand while he’s stirring something in a pan. The kitchen table is already set for breakfast and it’s obvious that he’s trying to make an effort for him and Callum. Ben can’t deny that it’s at least a little endearing; no one’s ever made that much effort to welcome Ben.
“Morning. Callum up as well?”
“Uh, no, I left him sleeping. But I think he’ll be up soon, he doesn’t normally sleep that long.”
Ben feels weird about knowing that about him for a second, but they’ve been friends for years at this point and he does know a lot about Callum; more than most people definitely. And it’s the kind of thing a boyfriend would know as well, right?
Stuart's eyes seem to catch Callum's too large hoodie covering Ben’s frame and the sight puts a small smile on the man’s face, like he’s particularly pleased to see Ben in his brother’s clothes for some reason. Like it means something special to him.
“Yeah, he never did as a kid either.”
Ben falls into one of the chairs, grabbing the French press from one side of the table to pour himself a coffee. He knows he probably shouldn’t, that it’s not his place to ask, but he’s always been intrigued about the things Callum doesn’t like to talk about. And having his brother here in front of him is the perfect opportunity to ask.
“Callum doesn’t really talk about that - his childhood. Or about your parents.”
“Didn’t think he would. You know, he’s more the type to block these things out and learn to go on without them after a while. It’s how he continues being the sunshine that he is.”
Ben can’t help but smile at that, because Callum being sunshine personified is definitely one of the reasons he fell so fast and so hard for him. Ben could never really resist all that positivity and unwavering support.
“Yeah, he’s amazing.”
“He is! And that’s completely down to himself, you know. Our mom left when Callum was little and our dad was just.. horrible to him because Callum wasn’t what he thought boys should be like. I tried my best but I was always getting in trouble myself, you know. And despite all of that Callum is who he is - always happy and in love with the world.”
Ben wasn’t prepared to get emotional over his coffee this morning but he is, holding back the feelings threatening to clog up his throat right now. Because Stuart is right; Callum is an amazing person and having his hunch confirmed that his upbringing was anything but great now only makes him even more amazing. And to be completely honest, it only makes Ben love him more.
He’s still staring into his coffee, brain stuck on how all the pain and bad things Callum had to experience in the past only made him more kind and gentle when his did the complete opposite, when he and Stuart both turn their faces towards Callum stumbling into the kitchen. He’s obviously still half asleep, hair sticking up in every direction, rubbing blearily at his eyes.
Callum walks over to Ben, leaning over him to grab a cup and the coffee press. Ben thinks it’s a wonder his brain is functioning enough already to keep up their little pretense, because the next thing he does is press a kiss to Ben’s forehead, running his fingers through Ben’s brown hair afterwards.
His digits stutter though, freezing for a second when they’re about halfway through. It makes Ben look up at him and he can’t help the smile on his face, still feeling emotional about Callum’s entire being.
Callum matches the grin on his face, his fingers continuing their path in Ben’s hair. He’s leaving tingles in his wake when he detracts his fingers again; a feeling Ben has almost come accustomed to when it comes to the ghost of Callum’s touch on his skin. He’s always leaving longing in his wake.
It’s becoming a constant state this weekend for him.
❄️🎄❄️🎄❄️
Stuart and Rainie’s Christmas party is in full swing by the time Ben has to begrudgingly admit to Callum that he’s enjoying himself. They’re both nursing giant glasses of red wine, the soft glow from the twinkly lights decorating the room being reflected in Callum’s eyes and making them even more breathtaking than before. There’s Christmas music flowing from the speakers in the living room and Stuart and Rainie’s mates and co-workers are filling every room of their tiny house.
They’re standing in the kitchen, chatting to the hosts when it happens.
Ben can’t figure out what exactly makes him do it, whether it’s the alcohol cursing through his veins or the feeling of having Callum next to him this whole day, but as the first few notes of ‘Santa, baby’ ring out, he slips his hand around Callum’s waist to pull him away from the kitchen counter and further into the living room, getting him flush against his body.
Callum’s arms come around Ben’s waist when Ben’s own hands run up Callum’s back and settle on his shoulder blades, head tucked against his shoulder as they sway to the soft notes from the song. It’s almost as if they’re the only one’s in the room right now, like nothing exists except for the little space they’re occupying together, slowly dancing through the room.
He doesn't notice that they’ve made their way across the living room and to the edge of the hallway until the song comes to an end, blending into the next one, and Ben slowly untucks his head from under Callum’s chin. His nose grazes the stubble on Callum’s chin, they're that close together, when he leans back and just looks into Callum’s blue eyes for a second. There’s something there; something Ben has never consciously seen before.
It looks a lot like the feelings he’s always trying to keep down but are threatening to spill right out of him at this exact moment.
It looks a lot like love.
“Oh, perfect spot boys.”
Their moment is interrupted by Stuart hollering across the kitchen at them, wildly gesturing to the ceiling above them. When Ben follows his motion with his eyes he finds the little, green plastic of a mistletoe hanging down, stopping shortly above Callum’s head.
Of course.
They have gotten around kissing each other on the mouth the last two days, placating Stuart and Rainie with forehead and cheek kisses. It feels like some unspoken barrier they haven’t dared to breach yet; like that’s a line they haven’t dared to cross with this whole charade. It’s hard to understand, because they’ve seen each other naked, have kissed each other, have had sex more times than Ben can count but for some reason this feels different now.
Maybe it’s because sex isn’t the end goal right now for them. Maybe something between them has shifted these last couple of days and whatever it is feels too fragile for it to be ruined with a kiss that means too much to one person and not enough to the other.
When their eyes meet again, there’s obvious hesitation in Callum’s, though he still leans down to Ben so he can whisper in his ear, mindful of the fact that Stuart and others are still watching them.
“We don’t have to.”
“It’s not like we haven’t kissed before, Cal.”
It feels like a reminder of something long forgotten; like their whole previous arrangement is something out of another life at this point. But it’s still the truth, they have kissed each other a lot and this really shouldn’t be, or feel, any different to them than all those times before. It seems like Callum agrees, because the next thing Ben feels is Callum’s lips softly pressing against his own.
The kiss is different from the one’s they’ve shared before. It isn’t fueled by desperation to have each other or by passion overwhelming them; it’s soft and full of something Ben can’t quite grasp. His hands thread into the soft material of Callum’s jumper, mouth opening on a gasp just enough for Callum to slip his tongue inside.
It could be hours they spend kissing right there under the mistletoe, but in reality it’s probably just minutes until they part again, a wolf whistle from the side going unnoticed because they’re too lost in each other’s eyes for a while.
Time after this moment is a blur to Ben. All he remembers while they join Stuart and Rainie back in the kitchen and keep celebrating is that Callum’s hand never leaves his own, right until they fall into bed exhausted and bone tired.
❄️🎄❄️🎄❄️
When Ben wakes up the next morning, the room is quiet and already flooded with light. The space next to him in bed is cold and empty and for a second he’s disappointed that he won’t get a repeat of yesterday and waking up in Callum’s arms again.
Much to his surprise, his head isn’t thrumming painfully inside his skull and there’s no turning in his stomach. He remembers they had more wine yesterday after their little dance with each other, but the kiss they shared under the mistletoe had made him feel drunker than the alcohol ever could. Drunk on love maybe.
He has to admit, as much as he dreaded playing Callum’s boyfriend this weekend and as much as it’s going to hurt going back to normal later today, he’s equally thankful that he got to experience what being with Callum would be like. At least he’s going to have that to remember when he’s lying alone in bed at night, longing for a man that will never really be his.
When he eventually finds the strength to get out of bed and start this new, last day of charades, he puts on some jeans and a shirt - the burgundy one that Callum says brings out the blue in his eyes - and pads out into the hallway. The bathroom is occupied, the sound of the running shower coming through the closed door, and there are noises of someone washing up in the kitchen, dishes clanking together and the steady stream of water from the faucet.
He’s about to join whoever it is in the kitchen when a second voice, one he instantly realizes belongs to Callum, joins the conversation and what they’re saying makes him pause, hidden in the hallway.
“I love that for you, bruv. You seem really happy with Ben.”
“I am, honestly. Sometimes I just look at him when he’s sitting next to me on the couch or in the pub and I can’t believe how lucky I am that he’s with me. I know it’s daft but just being with him is all I need.”
Callum’s voice is quiet but soft, almost being drowned out by the water flowing in front of him. There’s no reason for Callum to be saying these things to his brother, they obviously don’t have to sell their story anymore and to Ben’s ears and treacherous heart they almost sound true; almost sound like Callum actually means it.
“It’s not daft. And trust me, he’s the lucky one. But honestly, I’m just glad you found someone you clearly love.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Their conversation soon turns to more mundane topics but Ben can’t seem to follow it for the life of him, his brain stuck on the fact that Callum didn’t even try to deny that he’s in love with Ben. He could’ve said that it’s too early for them to talk about that; it certainly would make it easier to explain to Stuart later on that they’ve broken up again, like their original plan was. So why didn’t Callum say exactly that?
He was the one who had brought up being friends with benefits before Ben could even breach the topic of being something more. He is the one always asking if Ben is seeing someone else or if he wants to be. Ben always thought this was Callum trying to push him into that direction but maybe he had gotten it all wrong and it was Callum making sure that Ben wasn’t seeing anyone but him.
He doesn’t know what to think anymore, going through memories of the past six months and questioning everything in his head, and he’s desperately trying to squish any hope his heart could get a hold off before it all turns out to be too good to be true.
The whirlwind of thoughts inside his brain is enough to block out the sound of the bathroom door opening and someone approaching him until Rainie is poking her head over his shoulder, eyes following his gaze towards the kitchen.
“What are you spying in the hallway for?”
Ben shakes himself out of his stupor, trying to forget about what feels like a huge revelation that one of his best mates might actually reciprocate his feelings for him.
“Sorry, I just- I just wanted to give them some time alone together. It sounded.. important.”
Rainie looks like she’s genuinely touched by this and it makes Ben feel bad about lying for some reason; about using their brotherly bond to cover that he had been listening in on them. She places a hand between his shoulder blades and pushes both of them forward into the kitchen, meeting Callum and Stuart there.
He meets Callum’s eyes almost immediately and there’s this look again on Callum, like the one he had that first night they were laying in bed together here. Ben wants to return the soft smile on his face and he genuinely tries, but it probably looks more like a grimace judging by the way Callum’s eyebrows knit together in confusion.
He doesn’t get the time to talk to Callum that morning though. In fact, they don’t get the chance to be alone with each other until they’re already in the car on their way back home after some painfully tight goodbye hugs from Stuart and promises to come to see them again in the new year.
It only served as another stark reminder that they won’t be making this trip again because they’re not actually a couple. He knows he’s being more than obvious with the way he’s acting on the drive back but he can’t help it; his head is full of conflicting feelings and thoughts and he doesn’t know what to make of this whole situation anymore.
He wants to ask Callum about what he said to his brother; tell him outright that he doesn’t want to go back to the way things were between them before this weekend happened, that he’d rather not be sleeping with him anymore because he can’t keep separating his feelings from that any longer.
His silence or one-syllable answers seem to unsettle Callum as well and he keeps looking over at Ben with this sad kicked puppy look, that tears at Ben’s heart more than he’d like to admit. He doesn’t ever want to be the person who causes Callum hurt but his head’s a mess and he needs time to think about all this.
Only the three hour drive back to Walford does nothing to make anything any clearer for him. He needs the clarity though - even if it means he’ll break his own heart with it.
He waits until they’re parked back on the square, right in front of Ben’s house, until he turns to face Callum for the first time since they bid their goodbyes. He doesn’t know where to start; how to bring up what he so desperately wants to ask Callum right now. But Stuart’s words about Callum being in love with him just won’t leave his mind, just like Callum not denying any of it.
In the end, he reckons the only way to find out is by asking Callum to be brutally honest.
“Are you in love with me?”
Callum looks caught out for a moment, his mouth dropping open for a second before he schools his features again. Or rather, he looks resigned and almost a little sad. Like he’d almost expected to have this conversation at some point over the weekend, he’s just surprised at the timing. Or maybe he didn’t expect Ben to be the one to bring it up.
“What?”
“Please, just answer, Cal.”
He doesn’t say anything at first. Instead, his gaze is downcast and on his hands that keep wringing together nervously. Ben is ready to wait him out though. Because this is important.
“Yeah, I am. I’m sorry. I’ve been in love with you for ages, since before we started this whole friends with benefits thing. I just wanted to be with you and I was afraid you wanted to forget the whole thing. I’m sorry I never said anything. I swear this wasn’t some elaborate plan to get you to fall for me as well.”
Ben wants to cry from happiness at hearing this. It means there might be a chance for the two of them for real after all - and that’s all Ben’s ever wanted from this whole thing.
“That’s good. ‘Cause I already did. I think I’ve been in love with you since the first time we talked. I thought there was no way you’d want to be with me, but I do love you and I’d love to be your boyfriend - for real this time.”
Callum looks up in surprise at that, but there’s a blinding smile on his face a moment later; one of those that makes the skin around his eyes crinkle and brings out the dimples in his cheeks. Ben loves seeing those kinds of smiles on him.
“Well, Ben Mitchell, do you want to be my not-fake boyfriend?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah?”
Ben answers him with a kiss, pressed over the middle console onto the most important lips he’s ever kissed. And just like their kiss under the mistletoe, this one feels different. It feels like so much more; like the start of something really, really great.
Callum fists one of his hands around the lapel of Ben’s coat, using the hold to pull Ben further into him. The gearshift is pressing into Ben’s thigh at a completely wrong angle, but he doesn’t even care about the bruise that’s sure to form there, too focused on Callum’s lips against his and his tongue running along his bottom lip.
Ben thinks it must be fate when the first few notes of ‘Santa, baby’ ring out on the radio.
❄️🎄❄️🎄❄️
Ben’s having some strange sort of déjà vu standing in Stuart Highway’s little kitchen again the weekend before Christmas, only this time he can’t help but think about how much has changed for him this past year. He’s back up here with Callum for the weekend and nothing about them this time around has been pretend. They’re happy, probably the happiest Ben’s been in a very long time if he’s being honest, and it still feels like a dream come true to him.
He can’t stop looking over at Callum, standing a few feet away with Rainie holding his new baby nephew with a bright smile on his face. He looks so carefree and relaxed, a far cry from the stress of the last few days of hauling boxes containing his things to Ben’s house to stay there permanently.
The bottle of beer appearing in front of him makes him tear his gaze away from Callum at last, looking over at Stuart leaning against the counter next to him. He accepts it gladly, looking down in embarrassment at being caught staring at his boyfriend for some reason.
“If you keep making them heart eyes, Callum might think you want one too.”
It’s not the first time the topic of babies has come up this weekend; how could it not with them being surrounded by a newborn the whole time. Ben knows they’re still far away from any of those plans but the mere thought of it surprisingly doesn’t fill him with much dread. It’s more this simmering feeling of anticipation; like he can’t wait for the day it’s all here but he’s enjoying the journey there just as much.
“I think we still have some time before that. Wouldn’t be so bad though.”
Across the room Callum catches his eyes, giving him a warm smile and a little wink. The baby makes grabby hands at his cheeks though, demanding his full attention. Callum’s been amazing with him this whole weekend and if that’s any indication for how he’s going to be as a dad one day then Ben’s almost ready to start having his own baby with him soon.
“I’m glad you found each other, you know. Callum deserves all the happiness in the world and you give that to him, it’s obvious.”
“Thank you.”
Ben doesn’t know what to say to that. He’s never had someone tell him he’s good for someone else, it’s always been the opposite for him. And now that he has he doesn’t know what to do with it. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem like Stuart expects much more from him, only giving his shoulder a squeeze before he goes to join Rainie and Callum.
He watches on as Callum hands over the baby Stuart and makes his way back to Ben, never straying too far from him at all times, arms wrapping around Ben and pulling him into his body.
It’s amazing how safe he feels right here in Callum’s arms; how loved and content one simple embrace can make him feel. He’s become addicted to these little touches over the past year; little kisses or squeezes that seem to be almost subconscious from Callum, like he can’t help but reach out to Ben whenever they’re in close proximity to each other.
It seems like he’s doing a bad job at disguising how completely smitten he really is, judging by Callum’s next words, accompanied by one of Callum’s hands finding its way onto the side of his face, thumb brushing back and forth across his cheek.
“What you looking like that at me for, huh?”
Ben doesn’t even feel bad about being caught out like this; he spent far too long trying to hide any hint of deeper feelings for Callum. He’s more than happy to let him know how much he loves him now.
“Just thinkin’.”
“About?”
“About how much I love you.”
Callum’s looks taken aback for a moment, mouth dropping slightly open. Ben still struggles with laying his feelings bare like this but he’s been doing it more and more lately, wanting to give Callum the appreciation he deserves.
He angles Ben’s face up so they can look into each other’s eyes and what Ben finds there is nothing but love and adoration. He leans forward to press their foreheads together for a moment, eyes closed and thumbs running back and forth over Ben’s cheeks.
It looks like there are a million thoughts swirling around in Callum’s head; a million things he wants to say to Ben. He knows the feeling all too well. There are always too many sentiments, too many emotions, running high in him, wanting to be let out and laid at Callum’s feet even after a year together.
But most times, it’s enough for them to let actions speak louder. And what they both excel at, is making the other feel loved through touches and kisses.
“Wanna go kiss under the mistletoe?”
“Please.”
Their bright laughs mix with the soft thrum of Christmas music filling the room, the twinkly lights still bathing Callum in this cozy, simply breathtaking, glow. Ben pulls him into his body, sealing their lips together in a completely real and equally stunning kiss.
It feels a lot like true love.
It feels a lot like forever.
No pretending.