Archive of Our Own

“This is the worst idea you’ve ever had,” David grumbled, as he dragged his chair into a line with the other half of the group. Abby looked at him chastisingly from where she sat opposite.

“I think you mean ‘best’,” Nicky corrected, adjusting his ridiculous bowtie.

“Besides,” he looked David up and down judgingly, “you’re here, aren’t you?”

David frowned, but Nicky was already walking away, intent on making sure all the ‘contestants’ were in place.

“This is against my will,” he grumbled, turning to glare at Abby when he heard her laughing quietly at him. She just shrugged innocently.

Renee came by seconds later, whiteboards and markers wedged under her arm. She handed one each to them with a smile, eyes glinting with amusement.

She handed David his marker. “This should be fun, right?”

David did not like that the glare that usually quietened an entire room during practice now only made those in front of him laugh.

“Sure,” he said drily, and Renee shook her head, chuckling.

Moving quietly along to the next pair, she passed off their whiteboards and pens. Dan and Kevin were engaged in quiet, fierce conversation about their strategy, and Renee wondered if letting these two be partnered was wise. It’d be entertaining, if nothing else.

“Are you ready?” She asked evenly, almost startling when they turned matching scowls of concentration on her.

“We’re going to win,” Kevin said seriously, and Dan nodded her agreement, whiteboard marker gripped in her hand as if she were gearing up to spear the competition with it.

Renee did not know what to say to that, so she gave them what she hoped was an encouraging smile and moved on as swiftly as she could.

Next pair. “Here you go,” she said, holding their whiteboards out for them.

Matt grinned at her, taking both his and Seth’s and passing the second along easily.

“Excited?” He asked her, and she couldn’t help but laugh.

Shrugging, she handed them their pens. “It’s going to be interesting,” she answered mildly, and Seth chortled.

“It’s going to be a bloodbath,” he corrected, uncapping his marker to test it out on his board. Matt nodded along.

“I wouldn’t expect any less,” Renee agreed, stepping away to the sound of Matt’s raucous laughter.

Allison grinned as Renee approached her, already reaching out to take her and Neil’s boards.

“I’m still mad they said no couples,” she pouted, passing Neil’s whiteboard over her shoulder as Renee giggled.

“Well, that’d be unfair,” she replied goodnaturedly, but Allison just rolled her eyes.

“We’d have smoked these bitches otherwise,” she dismissed easily, before leaning in and lowering her voice. “The twins think they’re hot shit, but Neil told me we can beat them.”

Renee looked over at the man in question to find him smiling viciously and leaning forward.

“They don’t know a single thing about each other,” he murmured, before seeming to reconsider his words. “I wouldn’t usually be so happy about that, but Al said if we win she’ll buy me whatever I want. So, time to make some grown men cry.”

That startled a laugh out of Renee, who looked down at Allison.

“Why am I not surprised?”

The savage grin she got in reply matched Neil’s exactly, and Renee would be terrified if she weren’t so endeared. Should she unpack that? Probably.

Instead, she shuffled along and handed the final pair the last of the whiteboards.

“You two ready?” She asked politely, to which Aaron smiled smugly at her.

“Ready to win,” he confirmed, and Renee caught sight of Neil and Allison fake-gagging in her peripheral vision. She fought valiantly not to laugh.

She nodded instead. “That’s good,” she said, before looking across at Andrew, who, unsurprisingly, looked incredibly bored.

“He’s overconfident,” Andrew drawled in response, ignoring his brother’s scowl. “But at least we’re going to beat Josten and Reynolds.”

Neil booed that statement, grinning, while Allison just looked on, a self-satisfied smile painting her expression.

“Renee!” Nicky called, looking unfazed in the midst of all the chaos. “Are we ready?”

Nodding, Renee dragged her own chair over to the end of the two rows, facing inwards. Nicky clapped excitedly.

“Right, let’s start,” he announced. “Rules are the same: take a shot for every wrong answer. Winner is the pair with the most correct answers by the time I run out of questions, or just get tired of you all.”

“Charming,” David grumbled, making Nicky shoot him enthusiastic finger guns.

“You know it. Anyway, Renee and I will be playing along but our scores won’t count, since I’m hosting and Renee isn’t drinking tonight. Any questions, comments, concerns? No? Good.”

Prowling the lineup like a wackily dressed showbiz lion, Nicky began the game.

“First question! Remember, no conversing, or you’ll be immediately disqualified and killed.”

David sighed. “I used to think he was the sane one,” he muttered under his breath, hissing when Abby kicked his shin in reprimand.

“Okay, nice and simple to start. If I could have all the players on the left - that’s Andrew’s row - close their eyes. Great. Now, for the other half of you: what colour are your partner’s eyes?”

As expected, Kevin was the first to protest, grumbling under his breath as he stared at his whiteboard.

“The answer won’t write itself, Kev,” Nicky called cheerfully, exchanging amused glances with Renee when Kevin didn’t look up.

Dan looked disapproving, even with her eyes closed. “It’s not a trick question, don’t throw it.”

“I’m not doing this on purpose,” Kevin protested, looking affronted. “I’m not good with eye contact,” he grumbled, neck and ears flushing red.

“Kevin,” Dan sighed, not completely unkindly, which Nicky thought was benevolent of her. “It’s a twenty-five percent chance. I’m Black. Narrow it down.”

“Fine, fine.” He hesitated before scribbling his answer, tongue caught between his teeth in concentration.

NIcky grinned like the cat that had got the cream. “Eyes open. We’ll start from Aaron.”

Lazily flipping his board, Aaron smiled smugly. Hazel, it said, in his typically hideous handwriting.

“They’re identical twins,” Neil heckled, “this is rigged.”

Secretly agreeing, Nicky moved on to the next pair.

“Allison, your answer?”

“Blue,” she confirmed, spinning her board around to reveal the matching answer. Her smile was significantly less smarmy than Aaron’s.

“Two for two so far, will Matt have the same luck?”

Matt flipped his whiteboard and Seth whooped far louder than was necessary. Brown. The pair high-fived.

“Okay, now Kevin.”

The man in question turned his board over, and was met with confused silence. Then, Dan erupted.

“Are you shitting me? Hazel?”

Kevin threw his hands, and his whiteboard, in the air in protest. “You said it was a twenty-five percent chance!”

“Yes!” Dan threw her own arms up. “So what kind of dumbass answer is that? I said it wasn’t a trick question.”

“Literally how was I supposed to know?”

Dan visibly shuddered with rage. “You said you hate Matt’s ringtone for me, because it annoys you when I call during your extra practices.”

Kevin frowned in confusion. “Yes?”

Matt let out a high-pitched noise that could either be fear or amusement.

“His ringtone is Brown Eyed Girl.”

Neil exploded in peals of laughter, while Renee tried her best to hide behind her hair as her shoulders shook violently. Kevin’s stunned face was just too good.

The sound of a camera shutter broke him from his reverie, and Kevin frowned at Allison, who was too busy typing to notice.

“New meme for the group chat,” she grinned, and Abby had to grab Kevin’s wrist to stop him leaving his seat and doing something stupid, like trying to fight her. Nobody wanted to see Kevin crying on the floor.

Well, they probably did, but Abby didn’t.

Nicky, beaming like Christmas had come early, looked over at David. “Can I assume you got it right?”

Turning his board around, David nodded. Brown. Easy.

“Shots for Kevin!” Nicky cheered, grabbing two from the table. “And for Dan, too. Sorry.”

Neil’s eyes were wet with tears as he watched Dan clench her jaw but accept the shot from Nicky nonetheless.

“I hate you,” she told Kevin sincerely.

Kevin looked devastated by the loss. “Me too.”

They knocked their drinks back in silence, only broken by Seth sniggering and Matt slapping his shoulder to get him to be quiet.

“Okay,” Renee said, trying for her usual calm smile, “Nicky, are you ready for the next one?”

“Of course I am,” Nicky said with a grin, “The next question is: which partner is the best cook?”

Some of the foxes began to murmur as they noted down their answers. Nicky prowled around them, peaking glances at the whiteboards as he did so.

“Why am I here again?” David murmured, “I could literally be doing anything else.”

Abby tutted, “Lighten up!” Her answer had been scribbled down very quickly.

Once everyone was finished, Nicky clapped his hands together.

“Okay, where shall we start?” he looked around, “Kevin, you look pained. Let’s start with you and Dan.”

Dan smirked, “I said I’m the better cook because, you know, I cook team meals regularly.”

Kevin paled, “I forgot about that.”

“Don’t tell me you put yourself down, Day. You literally cook the same meal everyday! Except for, you know, the days I cook for the team! Last week, you remarked that my meal was the best thing you’d eaten in weeks.”

“Shots then!” Nicky said in a singsong voice.

Renee walked over and handed both of them a shot each. She gave them a bright smile as she did so. Dan and Kevin glared at each other before doing the shot. Dan continued to stare Kevin down after doing the shot. Kevin refused to look at his partner.

Neil snorted, “Are you stupid, Kevin?”

Nicky grinned, “On that note, Neil, what did you write?”

“Me, obviously,” Neil replied, “When has Allison ever cooked for herself?”

Allison groaned, “I don’t but that doesn’t automatically mean you can cook, Neil.”

Neil whipped his head around. “You didn’t put yourself, did you?”

“Obviously!” Allison replied, “The last time I saw you cook, it looked like sick and not even Renee could pretend it looked okay. If it was edible - which I don’t think it was - it would be some kind of biohazard.”

Renee smirked from the corner, “Shots for you then!”

Renee brought the shots over, her smirk settling into a grin that somehow seemed equally as nefarious. Allison said nothing but flipped Neil off, before downing the shot that had been passed to her. Neil mocked the action and did the same.

“Okay,” Nicky said looking around, “Coach, what did you put?”

“Abby, obviously,” he scoffed, “Kevin gets his cooking ability from me and despite my career choice, I’m not actually delusional.”

There was a scattering of laughter around the room, and Kevin glared at his father, who conveniently pretended not to notice.

“Abby?” Nicky prompted.

“I also wrote me,” she said with a smile.

David had a smug expression as Abby grinned.

“There really is no contest there,” Abby said, “I think anyone who can make more than one meal is better than David.”

“Well that still makes me better than most of this team,” David retorted, “Half of these morons can’t be trusted to make something that isn’t a biohazard, apparently, or allowed around naked flames.”

“Rude but accurate, although embarrassing for you because you’re a grown ass man and we’re only just out of our teenage years,” Nicky mused, “No shots for you guys then.”

“Thank god,” David muttered, choosing to ignore Nicky’s previous comment, “Who knows what you’ve put in them?”

Abby rolled her eyes affectionately, but looked like she privately agreed.

“Next up,” Nicky said cheerfully, “Matt and Seth! Boys, what are your answers?”

“Matt,” Seth replied, as though the whole game was boring him.

Matt grinned, “Me too!”

“How the fuck are they so in sync?” Kevin whined, “I swear I know Dan better than those two know each other. I don’t even think I’ve heard them speak to each other.”

“We’ve shared a room for literal years, dipshit,” Seth scoffed.

“That doesn’t require communication, asshole,” Kevin retorted, “I’m certain I know Dan better.”

Dan looked appalled. “You say that as if you’ve ever willingly had a conversation with me about anything other than exy.”

“Now, now,” Renee said with a smirk, “Who’s next? Ah, Andrew and Aaron.”

Andrew decided not to reply, but held up his whiteboard. On it, in his usual messy scrawl, were the words ‘Me, obviously’. Everyone whipped their heads around to read the whiteboard but Aaron was the first to say anything.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!”

“I don’t ‘kid’, Aaron,” Andrew replied in his usual monotone, “So you think you’re a better cook?”

“Neither of us cook, Andrew! I just presumed I’d be better,” Aaron replied.

“Humble,” Andrew replied sarcastically.

“I think the moral here,” Abby cut in, “Is that you lot need to stop living on takeout and learn how to cook.”

David sniggered but Abby turned to him, “I’m not excluding you from that, David.”

Nicky laughed loudly as he delivered the shots to his cousins, who both glared at each other before downing the liquid.

“In case you wanted to know, I put Renee,” Nicky announced, “That girl can both cook and bake food that is not only edible, but tastes amazing.” He threw an arm around her shoulders.

“Damn right!” Allison called from her seat.

“I put me too,” Renee said with a soft smile and slight blush on her cheeks, as she leaned in slightly to Nicky’s awkward yet affectionate hug.

“You guys are fucking lucky we’re not playing,” Nicky said with a grin, “We would be beating the fuck out of you all. See, Renee, we could have played - you wouldn’t have had to drink once!”

“As per usual, Hemmick, you are seriously overestimating your own abilities,” David retorted quietly.

Nicky appeared to hear this but ignored it. He quickly called out, “Right, next round!”

Renee sat back down and everyone turned to face Nicky.

“Okay,” Nicky started, consulting a sheet of paper, “Next question is: who is the funniest?”

“Are you trying to start a war?” David said immediately.

Abby shot him a look, almost out of instinct, as she began to look a little concerned. It seemed she agreed with David.

Everyone wrote down their answers but not everyone seemed confident with their answers. There was a lot of checking, rubbing off and rewriting taking place, until Nicky finally finished fiddling with his bowtie and clapped his hands together once again.

“Right, Matt and Seth,” he said, as his eyes settled on the tallest pair, “What have we got?”

“I went with me,” Matt said, turning his whiteboard around and showing it to the group.

Seth nodded and held his whiteboard up, which displayed Matt’s name.

Matt cheered, “I knew you secretly found me funny!”

“Absolutely not,” Seth replied, “I have had to put up with your shitty jokes long enough to make me want to jump out of a window. But you seem to find yourself amusing enough, so I knew what you’d put.”

“You sneaky motherfucker,” Dan said, looking a strange combination of outraged and impressed.

“Surprisingly well thought out, Seth,” Allison remarked.

“I’ll take that as the compliment it is, coming from you,” Seth replied, “Nicky, do you have any alcohol that I can drink anyway? Because if I’m going to endure the rest of the night, I might need some booze.”

“He has a point,” David mused.

Nicky turned and gestured to a table in the corner of the room that was covered in bottles of various alcohol, seperate from the shots used in the game.

“Go for it,” he said, “But don’t drink too much, I’m not sure how you’ll fare on the next questions!”

Seth scoffed and muttered, “As long as there’s some drink inside me, I don’t care.”

Once Seth had returned with a bottle of beer, Nicky continued, “Allison and Neil. What have we written?”

They silently held their whiteboards up and immediately glared at each other.

“Excuse me, Neil,” Allison said in complete disbelief, “Are you delusional?”

“I could say the same about you! I am a goddamn fucking hoot, Allison!” Neil said, becoming more outraged at their opposing, and apparently wrong, answer, “You laugh around me all the time!”

“I laugh at you, not with you, babe,” Allison replied condescendingly.

“Fucking brutal!” Matt remarked, nearly spitting out the drink he’d since retrieved from the table.

A couple of the other foxes had laughed at Allison’s comment, causing her to look smugger than ever, despite not actually progressing in the game.

“Shots please!” Nicky called, gesturing towards the now sulking Neil.

“Shoot me!” Neil muttered in a similar tone to Nicky.

“That can be arranged,” murmured Andrew from further down the line.

Aaron looked disgusted, “Is that how they flirt?”

He didn’t receive an answer but one glance at Kevin seemed to confirm it as true.

“Neil, dear god, don’t even joke about that,” Abby sighed, “I cannot, and will not, help you out if Andrew takes you up on that offer.”

Renee arrived with two shots and, much like before, they were downed while the partners were glaring at each other. She sniggered in amusement at their childishness. As she did this, Nicky retrieved his own drink.

“Andrew and Aaron, my darling cousins,” Nicky chirped, “What did you guys write?”

Both twins - accidentally - turned their board at the exact same time.

“What the fuck?” Aaron cried.

“What is it?” Nicky asked curiously.

“That stupid motherfucker wrote my name,” Aaron replied.

“So what?” Allison said, as she stared at her perfectly manicured nails.

“I wrote his,” Aaron replied.

The foxes burst out laughing, much to the dismay of both of the Minyard’s.

“This is fucking brilliant,” Nicky laughed, punctuating his sentence with a large swig of beer.

Aaron apparently had another point to make and elected to ignore his cousin.

“I don’t even think he’s funny!” he protested, “I just figured he’d put himself.”

“Likewise,” Andrew spat, clearly becoming more frustrated with the game.

“Aww,” Nicky cooed, “You’re in sync, to some extent. Clearly just not enough for the game. Boys, it’s time for some more fucking shots!”

Andrew muttered rudely under his breath, seemingly cursing Aaron’s existence, only stopping when a shot was placed in his hand. He resumed as soon as he’d downed the shot.

“Minyard, stop your whining,” David called out, “You’re as bad as Kevin.”

That was enough to shut Andrew up, but had the unfortunate side effect of encouraging Kevin to start moaning. Nicky noticed this, and started talking.

“Renee, out of interest, who’s name is on your board?”

“Yours, Nicky,” Renee said with a smile.

Nicky’s face lit up. “Fuck yeah! I’d have said me, too!”

“Bullshit,” Kevin called out, “No one, and I repeat no one, finds Nicky funny. Except, perhaps, Nicky.”

“It’s called playing the game,” Allison said, sticking up for her girlfriend but even she didn’t look happy with Renee’s answer, “You know you’re a lot funnier than him, right, babe?”

Renee rolled her eyes, but it wasn’t a harsh gesture. “I happen to find Nicky quite funny. You lot clearly don’t take the time to sit with him and listen to him properly, outside of, you know, all the waffling.”

“When exactly do you do that, then?” Aaron grumbled, knowing from personal experience that Nicky was not, in fact, funny.

“Our weekly catch-up at the queer cafe. You wouldn’t like it, it’s very gay,” Nicky replied before quickly moving on, “Okay, next up: Coach and Abby. What did you say?”

“I put David,” Abby said, turning her board around.

“I put Abby,” David replied, rolling his eyes.

“Young love!” Nicky sighed, “Well, old love, I guess but-”

“Finish that sentence and you’re running a marathon next week,” David replied.

“Noted,” Nicky said, “That does mean shots for you though, big man!”

“Never call me that again.”

“Noted.”

David and Abby looked at each other before they did the shots. Abby looked affectionate, while David looked like he’d rather be anywhere else. That was how Abby knew he was enjoying himself.

“How much alcohol did you put in there?” Abby spluttered, the empty shot glass in one hand and the other in front of her mouth.

“We bought some double strength shit,” Nicky said with a grin, “An excellent decision, may I add.”

“Are you trying to kill my team?” David said, “Because if so, feel free to continue.”

Abby rewarded that comment with a slap on the arm. David’s reaction seemed to suggest there was more power behind it than expected. Abby’s smug look confirmed this.

“Final couple: Dan and Kevin. What have you written this time?”

They turned their boards and Dan let out a loud cheer.

“Fuck yes, Kevin, you’ve finally got it right!” she yelled, “I told you we could do this!”

The foxes turned to look at Kevin.

“Look, that was easy. Each one of you has told me on many occasions that I’m not funny. Dan was the obvious answer.”

“Do you mean to say,” Dan gasped dramatically, one hand on her chest, “That Kevin Day has … listened to his teammates?”

“Fuck off,” Kevin grumbled.

The rest of the team seemed to find this amusing - as they often did when Kevin was suffering.

“I’m surprised you didn’t just throw the question, Kevin,” Allison remarked, “Although I suppose it's a hard one for you. What will win: the desire to win or the need for alcohol?”

“Alli,” Renee said warningly, but she didn’t look too concerned.

Kevin flipped her off and stalked over to the alcohol table, taking two bottles for good measure.

“Cheer up, Kevin, you got the same answer, unlike the pair of fucking twins we have among us,” Allison mocked, causing the two blonds to glare at her in a strange display of accidental synchronisation.

“They don’t exactly follow the rules you’d apply to any other humans, to be fair,” Seth mused.

“Get fucked, Seth,” Aaron called out.

“Excellent comeback,” Seth said sarcastically, “Truly inspirational.”

“Somehow, I forget how much you lot bicker. And then, every time I see you, I’m surprised. How am I still surprised with you lot? You’d think I’d seen it all, and most importantly remember it all, by now,” David said quietly, but everyone heard him anyway.

“And to think,” Renee said with a smile, “All that bickering and apparently we don’t even know each other at all.”

“I now see why they used to call us the biggest disappointment in Class I Collegiate Exy,” Nicky informed them, smiling like this was a compliment. “Keep up the good work. Next question.”

Renee shook her head, not bothering to hide her smile.

“What is your partner’s middle name?”

Allison and Neil looked at each other in undisguised panic. Aaron snorted loudly from beside them.

“One day, I will kill you,” Neil said seriously, looking Aaron in the eye. He seemed to enjoy the way the latter fumbled at that.

“Every day,” David said, suddenly, “every day I regret agreeing to coach you feral shits. Can’t even be civil over a fucking game.”

Kevin looked genuinely confused. “This isn’t a game.”

David stared back in silence.

“Lord help me.”

Nicky, appearing at his shoulder like the ghost of quiz shows past, smiled unnervingly.

“He can’t save you now.”

Too stunned to speak, David just looked on, perturbed.

“Shall we have answers?” Renee asked, breaking Nicky from his demonic spell.

“Who wants to start?”

By way of response, Aaron flipped his board. Joseph. Nodding, Andrew followed suit. Michael.

“I’m impressed,” Allison admitted, fiddling with the edges of her whiteboard. “Even middle names seem a little personal for you two.”

Andrew looked like he agreed, which made Neil grin.

“I have never willingly learned anything about him. Nicky just used to scold us using our full names, so you could always hear his incessant squawking around the house.”

Nicky, who had just been thoroughly insulted, looked pleased. “And look where that brought you. One step closer to victory.”

The twins’ faces morphed into matching looks of disgust. Nicky snorted and moved on.

“Let’s have… Seth next.”

He turned his board around, looking hesitant, but Matt cheered when he saw what was written.

“You even spelled it correctly,” Matt laughed. “Not even I do that all the time.”

“Donovan,” Nicky read. “Yeah, no way I’m getting that right on paper.”

Neil rolled his eyes. “You couldn’t even spell ‘Wesninski’ correctly.”

Dan grinned. “Who can?”

Neil looked thoroughly unamused.

“I can.”

Andrew scoffed. “Okay, Wet Stinky.”

Allison let out an honest screech of laughter, while Renee looked on in undisguised amusement.

“That was one time,” Neil hissed, face flushing red, and the corners of Andrew’s mouth twitched into a smile. “And I was literally high on drugs.”

“Pain relief,” Andrew dismissed. “And you said it. Out loud. Your own name. Wrong.”

Neil harrumphed, folding his arms like a petulant child, while the rest of the foxes laughed. Nicky was actually doubled over, making pitiful wheezing sounds.

“Na-” he shuddered, breath catching with laughter, “Nathaniel Wet Stinky.”

Dan dissolved into another fit of laughter, while Neil glared daggers at a grinning Andrew. Of course, the only times he willingly emoted around the Foxes were when he was making Neil’s life hell.

“Well,” Renee started, trying to discreetly wipe the tears from her eyes. Neil, however, didn’t miss the small action. His frown deepened. “It is a difficult name. Lots of syllables, you know.”

“Now you’re just making fun of me,” Neil accused, eyes widening in betrayal when Renee nodded in agreement.

“Sorry,” she offered, but she was smiling. Neil was wounded.

“Can we move on?”

“Of course,” Nicky allowed graciously, “anything for my good friend, Wet Stinky.”

“Fuck-”

Nicky cut him off, giggling. “Matt, your answer?”

Mouth trembling with barely contained laughter, Matt flipped his whiteboard over.

Nicky blinked. “You think Seth’s middle name is… Seth?”

Someone snorted, but Seth was already shaking his head. “No, he’s right. Seth is my middle name. My first name is Bryan.”

Dan blinked, like even she hadn’t been aware of that, while Kevin looked thoroughly confused.

“Well.” Nicky shrugged. “No shots for you. Next?”

Allison sighed. “Let’s get this over with.”

Her board read, in her elegant scrawl: Not a fucking clue. Neil sighed in relief, then turned his.

I don’t even know her surname.

Allison, despite her own loss, looked appalled. “What?”

Neil raised his eyebrows, expression unmoved.

“My last name is Reynolds.” She said it like she was surprised by his stupidity. She really should have known Neil better by now. “It’s literally in big letters on the back of my jersey. What the fuck, Neil?”

The man in question just shrugged. “You expect me to read it past all that orange?”

“You expect him to read?” Aaron added mockingly. Everyone ignored him.

“Our away uniforms are white,” Renee offered helpfully. Neil did not find this helpful at all.

“Okay.” He held his hands up. “We all know I’m kind of oblivious sometimes. It is what it is. Let’s move on. Again.”

Allison jerked her head and made a noise similar to that of a breakdancing chicken.

“Absolutely not.” She pointed her finger at Neil. “I’m your best friend, how could you do this to me?”

Neil looked affronted. “Can I remind you that we both got the question wrong?”

Allison cut her hand through the air dismissively. “You tell us one thing about yourself every three months, literally nobody knows what your middle name is.”

“It’s Abram,” Andrew said. The room fell silent.

Slowly, Allison turned to look at Andrew, and the gaze she locked on him was so deadly Neil wouldn’t have been surprised if she started shooting flames from her eyeballs.

“Thank you, Andrew,” she seethed. “Very helpful.”

Andrew smiled for the second time that night. “You’re welcome.”

Disturbed, Nicky cut in before anything could escalate further.

“Well, what is your middle name, Allison?”

Sniffing dramatically, Allison turned away from Neil. “It’s Jamaica.”

Dan’s face crumpled in horror. “It’s what?”

“That,” Seth guffawed, “is the whitest shit I have ever heard.”

Matt snorted and then tried to pretend he hadn’t when Allison glared at him.

“Sorry, babe,” Dan said, unsuccessfully hiding her smile behind her hand. “They’re right.”

“Oh,” Allison lamented, waving her hands around, “Jamaica, you have a problem with, but the bible-thumpers over there get a pass? Joseph and Michael are fine?”

The face Matt made let everyone know he did not, in fact, think they were fine.

Nicky laughed as he returned from the drinks table. “What we’ve learned is that white people and Neil are stupid.”

“If we only learned that today then something is wrong,” Seth said, and Nicky pointed at him as if to say, You got me there.

“Shots, shots, shots,” Andrew chanted monotonously, watching a very unimpressed Neil stare him down. In the end, he said nothing and just threw back the shot, Allison mirroring him.

“Neil Josten rendered silent, never I thought I’d see the day.” Nicky grinned. “Moving on. Dan? Kevin?”

Dan turned her board over, looking pleased with herself. “He doesn’t have a middle name.”

Kevin looked like he’d swallowed an entire lemon.

“What?” Dan asked, looking worried. “Don’t tell me you do?”

Everyone looked just as confused as she did, including David.

“He doesn’t,” he said, but it sounded like a question. “There’s nothing on file.”

Kevin looked pained. “I don’t have one officially, it was never, like, legal, but-”

Neil’s expression cleared and he stared at Kevin in surprise.

“Oh.”

Kevin looked over at him, and he knew he remembered. He was the one who’d smuggled his mother’s letter out of the Nest for him, after all.

“It’s David,” he muttered, looking down at the ground. “My middle name. Or, my mum wanted it to be. But. Well. Yeah.”

The silence that engulfed the room was painfully awkward, broken only by Abby’s quiet reassurances.

“That’s lovely,” she told Kevin sincerely. “Suits you really well.”

Dan seemed to come back to herself. “Right. What answer did you put for me?”

“Oh,” Kevin cleared his throat. “I wasn’t sure, so I, uh. I put Mildred?”

David sighed deeply, a sound that came from the soul.

“Yes, Kevin,” Allison said, face disbelieving. “That’s exactly right. However did you know?”

Kevin blinked. “Wait, really?”

“No! Of course not!” Dan looked close to tears. “What the fuck. No, what the fuck? Mildred?”

Seth was making worrying noises as he doubled over, and Neil leaned over to check on him, only to realise he was just laughing. Hard.

“Oh my God,” Allison was muttering, as if she had gone past the point of amusement and had arrived at shock. “He’s an idiot. He’s an idiot.”

“Just hand us the fucking shots,” Kevin snapped, ears bright red as he glared at Nicky.

“It’s Leigh,” Dan said, not even breaking stride as she downed her shot and handed the glass back to Nicky. “Fucking Leigh, not Mildred. Honestly, are you okay?”

Kevin looked unimpressed as he pointed his half empty bottle at her. “You were wrong, too.”

“My middle name is in my Snapchat handle, yours was a secret you almost took to the grave. Don’t patroscend- no, fuck, condescend, don’t condescend me. Patronise. Whatever. Don’t do that.”

Matt laughed, patting Dan lightly on the back.

“Coach, Abby?”

The pair looked torn between disappointment and mirth as they flipped their whiteboards around in unison.

Marie. Vincent.

“I don’t know enough about the two of you to know whether those are right or not.” Nicky shrugged. “So, I’ll take your word for it.”

Abby chuckled. “They’re correct.”

“Brilliant.” Nicky beamed, clapping his hands loudly to grab everyone’s attention. “Let’s take five before Neil or Kevin die. I want to at least finish my rum before I’m forced to clean blood out of the carpet.”

Neil grumbled, “I thought I was supposed to be the favourite cousin.”

Nicky just winked at him.

After a brief break, that included most of the foxes retrieving at least one drink, if not four (in Kevin’s case, before David told him to put one back), they returned to their seats. David had clearly decided that dealing with the Foxes when he wasn’t paid was too much, and took Kevin’s surrendered beer.

“Alright!” Nicky chirped, “The next round is for my lovely people on Andrew’s row - so that’s Andrew, Neil, Seth, Dan, Abby - to write their first impression of their partner. Everyone on Aaron’s row, you need to write what you think your partner’s first impression of you was. Got it?”

There were murmurs of agreement and the clicking of pens being uncapped again. This round seemed to take more thinking for some people - Allison seemed genuinely stumped as to what Neil could have thought of her - but others - namely Andrew - had scribbled something down straight away.

“Okay, let’s start with me and Renee for once!”

“Renee and I,” Kevin mumbled, unable to stop himself from correcting someone’s grammar.

“Okay, so Renee, my first impression of you was sweet but slightly scary!” Nicky said brightly, choosing to ignore his pedantic teammate.

Renee grinned, “You’ve told me that before.” She turned her whiteboard, and in her beautiful, loopy script it said ‘sweet but scary’.

“As if!” Kevin cried, “There’s no way you knew that, you had to be cheating!”

“Calm down, Mr Rulebook,” Seth mumbled.

“Seriously, is that not suspicious?” Kevin said, trying to appeal to his other teammates for support.

There were murmurs of slight agreement but Renee quickly shut them down.

“You heard Nicky, earlier. We hang out regularly. We talk.”

“I don’t know why you’re surprised, Kevin, Nicky literally wrote the fucking questions, of course he’d choose one that Renee would know,” Matt reasoned.

“Exactly,” Renee said, “Besides, there’s nothing to worry about because we’re not playing!”

“Still,” Kevin groaned.

“Quit moaning, Kevin,” David sighed.

“Even your dad has had enough of the Kevin Day Complaining Experience,” Allison laughed.

“Anyone close to him has had enough,” Neil said, “It never fucking ends.”

“What it is, bully Kevin day or something?”

Allison and Neil looked at each other and nodded, before enthusiastically - or more accurately, drunkenly - high-fiving.

“Any day can be bully Kevin day, if you like,” Seth offered.

“More like bully Kevin Day,” Nicky added, causing Matt to laugh loudly in a way that almost sounded like a goose honking.

“Christ, that was awful,” David said, “Can we keep the game going and the jokes to a minimum?”

“Yes to the former but no to the latter,” Nicky replied with a wink, “Next up … let’s go with Neil and Allison. Neil, what was your first impression of Allison?”

Neil elected not to reply, but flipped his whiteboard around to display the scrawled words. Fashionable bitch.

Allison practically cackled, throwing her head back as she did so. The other Foxes peered at the board and weighed in on their opinions.

“Josten, that’s an accurate first impression,” Seth said.

“Agreed!” said Dan with a grin.

Everyone seemed to turn to Renee.

“You’re not wrong,” she said with a smirk.

“What did he write?” David asked, unable to see from his position, “I can’t read his shitty handwriting?”

“He said ‘fashionable bitch’, Coach, which I think is very similar to what I wrote. I guessed that Neil’s first impression of me was ‘pretty, rich bitch’. Nicky, you can give us a point for that right?”

Nicky looked thoughtful for a moment, “We know for a fact Neil wouldn’t call anyone pretty. But - before you fucking protest - it’s close enough. I’ll give it to you.”

Kevin started to protest, but Seth decided to take matters into his own hands.

“I will pour this beer down your top if you don’t stop complaining,” he threatened, holding it towards Kevin, “Either that or I’m sure Minyard could be persuaded to stab you if it meant you’d shut up.”

The look on Andrew’s face suggested he was genuinely considering Seth’s proposal.

“Moving on,” Nicky said swiftly, “Let’s go with Seth and Matt. Seth, what did you say?”

“My first impression of Matt was that he was far too happy for his own good and likely to get annoying very quickly,” Seth replied.

“Yes!!” Matt exclaimed, either choosing not to dwell on what Seth had said or too excited to fully process it, “I said that he probably thought I was annoyingly happy.”

“Points for you then,” Nicky said brightly, “You guys really do seem to know each other.”

“It’s not entirely willing, I assure you,” Seth replied.

Matt grinned. “You still know me well, though, buddy. We’ve definitely gotten a lot closer over the last few years.”

“Don’t push it,” Seth said, glancing at Matt over his beer bottle.

Matt grinned at his girlfriend. “Babe, that’s basically a love confession from Seth. I might have to leave you for him!”

“What part of ‘don’t push it’ did you misunderstand?” Seth mumbled incredulously.

“You are so fun to screw with,” Matt replied happily, “You literally play right into my hands.”

Seth rolled his eyes in an almost affectionate way. “Let’s keep this game moving.”

Nicky looked slightly apprehensive. “Er, Andrew. Let’s get your first impression of Aaron.”

“Could he be any more hesitant?” Dan mumbled.

“You know as well as I do this is going to be a disaster,” David said, and for once, Abby nodded agreeingly.

“Look, if it goes to shit, Nicky wrote the question so we can blame him,” Kevin added quietly.

Andrew, once again, elected not to answer and held up his whiteboard. It read fucking stupid doppelganger.

“That’s tamer than it could be,” Allison mused.

“I was fully expecting something very offensive,” Matt added.

“Aaron?” Nicky prompted.

Aaron reluctantly held up his whiteboard. It read probably something about how he doesn’t want a brother and his usual murderous intent.

“Well,” Dan said mildly, “They might not be exactly the same, but it’s safe to say Aaron knows his brother.”

“That’s, uh, one way of putting it,” Nicky said awkwardly, “Still! I don’t think they’re similar enough. Shots for the twins!”

“They basically convey the same message,” Andrew said, “If you let Allison get away with Neil thinking she was ‘pretty’, which I’m sure is a word he’s never used, then you should let us get away with this.”

“Now is not the time to argue, Andrew Joseph, you’re not Kevin!” Nicky chided, “Shots!”

The murderous intent was shared across the twins’ faces as they glared at their cousin, who passed them each a shot. However, Aaron’s was beginning to show signs that the alcohol was getting to him. His face was slightly flushed and he didn’t seem to be looking too favourably on the shot glass in his hand. Andrew, on the other hand, looked as unfazed as ever.

“This game is fucking rigged,” Aaron snapped, before downing his shot, “And stupid.”

“For once, I agree,” Andrew said monotonously, before drawing two fingers to his head, saluting sarcastically and then downing the shot.

“Coach and Abby! What did you write down?” Nicky asked, quickly moving on.

Abby smiled, “Well, I first met David at a party, actually. It was a lovely night, really. I had a great time. I think David was pointed out to me by a friend, it might have been Betsy, come to think of it.”

“Oh shit, I’d forgotten about that,” David said, going slightly red in the face.

“Go on,” Dan prompted excitedly, “I have to know where this is going.”

“Well, it was a party,” Abby continued, looking around at the faces of the eager Foxes, “You know, drinking, dancing, the lot. Where I first saw David was on the dance floor-”

“No fucking way!” Matt said, sounding as though Christmas had come early.

“My first impression, really, was that he was an awful dancer,” Abby said, blushing slightly as she recognised how much she’d thrown her partner under the bus.

Nicky cackled at this, and was joined by every one of the Foxes in his laughter, except Kevin, who looked vaguely disturbed at the concept of his dad drunk dancing. Neil laughed so hard he looked like he might combust, in a way that only happens when you’ve consumed a large amount of alcohol. Even Andrew smirked, although whether that was because he’d finally got something resembling dirt on his coach was unknown. David didn’t respond, but simply took a swig of his beer.

“I wrote that down,” Abby continued, “But I did also add that he seemed pretty grumpy, too.”

“Only Coach would still be grumpy when he’s drunk,” Nicky laughed.

Renee shook her head, and wordlessly pointed at Andrew, Aaron, Kevin and Seth, who were all now looking entirely unimpressed.

“Point taken,” Nicky said, “So, Coach, did you not remember this meeting?”

“It was very brief,” he said gruffly, “But yes, Betsy did introduce us that night. I remember meeting Abby properly a few weeks later. I thought her first impression of me would be that I was grumpy, because on that occasion, I remember being in an absolutely shit mood.”

“When are you not?” Seth said, eyeing his coach up and down.

“Watch it, Gordon,” David warned, but it wasn’t overly harsh.

“Eh, I’ll give you the point,” Nicky said, “You got half of Abby’s answer and we got rewarded with a story about Coach being vaguely human.”

“I have your name on autofill in my browser, Hemmick. The marathon website is ready and waiting.”

“Oh hush,” Abby said, “You’re as bad as Kevin!”

Abby wasn’t sure of who looked more offended - father or son - but was amused by the reaction nonetheless. Neil clearly found this comment highly amusing, though, judging by the snort he let out.

“Fuck yeah, Abby! Bully Kevin with us!” Matt said cheerily.

“He needs it,” Dan added, “You know, it’s very humbling.”

“They have a point,” Andrew murmured, “His ego needs deflating a little.”

Kevin individually flipped them all off and rolled his eyes, before taking a rather large swig of his drink. Not even he could keep track of what number he was on, but he was starting to become a bit confused as to where the bottles he’d placed by his feet were going. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d lost things while under the influence, though.

“On that note, Dan, what was your first impression of Kevin?” Nicky asked.

Dan looked like she felt a little bad. “I know we bully you, Kevin, but it does come from a place of love. The same with all of you guys. You’re like my little siblings, as reluctant as I am to think of you that way.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kevin asked, immediately suspicious.

“Well, I just wanted to remind you what you were like when you first joined us,” Dan said tentatively, before sighing, “Because I don’t necessarily think the same thing now.”

Kevin sighed, “I probably got this wrong then.”

Dan turned her board around, blushing a little as she did so.

“Just so you know,” she said, “I’m sorry.”

Kevin read the board and grimaced slightly. “To be fair, Dan, I was a stuck up asshole when I arrived. I’d like to think I’m a bit better now?”

“A bit,” Dan said, as the alcohol began to hit her more - their lack of synchronism had been at the expense of her sobriety - and she threw her arms around Kevin.

Kevin didn’t reciprocate the hug, but patted Dan lightly on the back twice and awkwardly sat there until she was finished.

“What did you put, Kevin?” Dan asked curiously.

Kevin blushed, his ears reddening once more.

Dan peered over and groaned. “‘Good at exy’? Are you serious?”

“How was I supposed to know what you thought of me?!” Kevin snapped, “I’m shit at figuring people out! You’re the captain, I thought that was all you’d care about.”

Dan’s expression softened as she realised that Kevin would have been drawing on his past experiences there. This only seemed to make Kevin more uncomfortable.

“Give us the shots,” Dan sighed, before leaning into Kevin and whispering, “I am dooming you to an eternity of hang outs with the entire team for that. You will know us better whether you like it or not.”

Neither of the pair noticed David looking on almost proudly while this happened. They simply downed the shots Nicky had brought them and pretended that nothing vaguely emotional or sentimental had happened.

Abby looked down the row, looking slightly concerned. “Are we all okay? No one is too drunk are they?”

There was a vehement protest from virtually all the Foxes that no such thing could happen.

“It is my job to look after your health,” Abby said pointedly, “Even if I’m technically off the clock.”

Aaron was notably silent and beginning to look more and more worse for wear. Renee, who hadn’t been sitting down, suddenly appeared with a jug of ice water in hand. She plucked a small cup from the alcohol table, before pouring some water in and wordlessly handing it to Aaron. He took it without thanks but nodded at Renee. Abby smiled at Renee, which was naturally reciprocated, as she sat down.

“Now, I wish I could say this one will be easy, but you’ve severely disappointed me thus far, so I cannot.” Nicky somehow looked despairing and gleeful at the same time. “This is for both parties: how many cousins does your partner have?”

It spoke to how drunk Kevin was that he didn’t even complain. He just shot Dan a hapless look and started scribbling.

“That,” Dan sighed, “does not fill me with confidence.”

“I don’t think I’m going to do well at this one,” Renee told Nicky honestly, but he just chuckled.

“Me either, but we can’t be worse than anyone else here.”

Renee laughed happily, jotting something down on her whiteboard. “That is true.”

“Neil, buddy,” Matt was saying, looking across at his friend. “You okay?”

Neil looked up, frowning. “Yeah, why?”

Matt pulled a disbelieving face. “You’re writing your answer in Japanese. I think. Kevin, is that Japanese? It is, right?”

Kevin craned his neck to see and then tutted loudly at Neil. He said something to him, also in Japanese, and Matt turned to look between them, only to realise they were both staring at him.

“What?”

Kevin repeated his statement. Again, in Japanese.

“Oh my God,” Allison chortled. “They’re fucked.”

Kevin looked insulted, and he said something that was probably very rude. In Japanese.

Dan snickered.

“I don’t speak Japanese,” Matt said slowly, and Kevin’s expression told Matt he thought he was very stupid.

“I know you don’t speak Japanese, that’s why I was telling you what it said.”

David placed a despairing hand on his forehead.

“Yeah, you just forgot to translate it, dumbass.” Allison’s voice dripped condescension.

“What? No, I didn’t.”

“Okay,” Nicky cut in, “we get it. You can both speak ten billion languages and the rest of us are wholly inadequate. Let’s have some answers!”

“Wait.” Dan looked up, confused. “How many languages does Kevin speak?”

“It’s three, right?” Matt frowned. “Same as Neil?”

Kevin glared across at the man in question, who gave him a shit-eating grin in return.

He sighed deeply. “Five.”

Even Seth blinked in shock.

“Damn, that’s impressive.”

Neil looked smug. “He’s learning his sixth, too.”

“Not willingly,” Kevin fired back, but Neil just shrugged.

“Explain,” Allison demanded, and Kevin deflated, looking embarrassed as he fiddled with the neck of his beer bottle.

“English, French, Japanese,” he muttered. “Survival Spanish and German. Basic Mandarin.”

“How the fuck do you have the time?” Aaron asked, bewildered. Paired with the tomato-red flush colouring his face and neck, he looked quite a sight. He had never had his brother’s tolerance for alcohol.

Nicky nodded his agreement. “And when did you start learning German? You didn’t even tell me!”

“It’s not a big deal,” Kevin said, fidgeting uncomfortably, and Neil took pity on him.

“He’s a competitive shit,” he explained, mouth turned up in a smile. “Bet me last year that he could learn German in three months after I started learning Japanese. He fucking did it, too. But, that meant he knew the same number of languages as me, so I picked up Spanish properly.”

Renee was openly laughing, looking at Kevin with an expression akin to pride.

“He couldn’t let me one-up him,” Neil continued, grinning as he raised his bottle to his lips. “Learned Spanish, so I learned Hebrew. So, now he’s learning Mandarin, all because he can’t admit defeat.”

He said it like it made perfect sense, and maybe to them it did. Dan looked perplexed, but she was smiling slightly. Seth looked like he thought they were both stupid, but in a good way. Potentially.

“So, Kevin speaks almost six languages,” Matt said, pointing unsteadily. “And you?”

“English, French, German, Japanese, Spanish, Hebrew,” Neil recited, looking almost pleased.

Seth whistled appreciatively.

“Can we get back on track?” David asked, waving his whiteboard around before using it as a shield when Abby swatted at him.

“What? They were waffling, and it’s not like it was anything I didn’t know.”

Nicky raised an eyebrow in disbelief, making David grumble.

“Josten and Day speak six languages. Hemmick, Walker and Reynolds speak three,” he said, bored. “The twins from hell speak two. Boyd, Gordon and Wilds one, but Boyd took high school Spanish and Wilds’ learning French. These are things you know about your teammates.”

Dan flushed as best she could with her warm skin. “How do you even know that?”

David looked offended she’d even question it. Instead, he flipped his whiteboard around.

“Abby has two cousins, both on her mother’s side. More things you know about the people you care about. Who’s next?”

Nicky looked irritated, and oddly touched.

“I think he just admitted he cares about us.”

Abby smiled, shaking her head. Her own whiteboard read: one cousin.

David nodded. “Look at that, we know things about one another.”

Nicky stared helplessly at them for a few moments before shrugging and moving down the line.

“Okay, cool. I guess. Kevin, Dan?”

Dan grimaced. “Not to be presum-” she cut herself off, frowning, “presumtulous? Presumtumous? Not to be that, but I don’t think either of us knows for ourselves how many cousins we have.”

Kevin just nodded, looking uncharacteristically sulky. “Can’t we skip or something?”

Nicky, in a rare bout of generosity, just nodded. “Okay, no shots for you. Not that Kevin needs them.”

Dropping his hand down by the legs of his chair, Kevin swiped for something, looking confused when his hand met nothing but air. He swiped blindly a few more times, before craning his neck to look at the empty floor by his feet.

“Where-”

Seth sniggered, and Kevin narrowed his eyes, gaze falling on the pair of bottles by Seth’s chair leg.

“Did you drink my entire stash, you asshole?”

Seth laughed, but shook his head. “No, I just-”

He faltered suddenly, having moved to look by his chair before pulling up short, confused for some reason. He looked back at Kevin’s chair, then his own, then around them, before catching sight of the rest of the pilfered alcohol. His eyes trailed slowly to meet those of the perpetrator.

Neil grinned around the mouth of the bottle he was currently swigging from.

“You light-fingered dick,” Seth laughed, looking at the drinks Neil had accumulated.

Matt leaned down to snatch up one of the empty bottles Neil had lined up, which was identical to the one he was currently drinking from.

“What is this?” He asked, and surprisingly it was Renee who answered.

“Sake,” she giggled, eyeing Neil’s flushed face. “He seems to really like it. That was the last of my white peach stash.”

Matt looked at his friend affectionately, putting the bottle down and picking up the empty green one beside it.

“Apple soju, I figured he’d like the fruit flavoured drinks.” Renee looked almost mischievous as she smiled at him.

Seth’s eyebrows rose as listened to her. “Isn’t that-”

Renee’s laugh cut him off, and Seth looked at Neil in mild horror.

“What?” Matt questioned, brow furrowed.

“First time Renee gave me soju,” Seth explained, “Allison and I were pre-drinking in the girls’ dorm. I had like two bottles because, dude, it tastes like juice. I drank that shit like water. Then I stood up.”

Matt waited for the rest of the story, then blinked when it didn’t come.

“Then what?”

Seth stared back at him. “Then I woke up.”

Matt guffawed. “What?”

Renee and Allison were wearing matching looks of glee.

“I’ve never seen a grown man drop like that,” Allison laughed. “He would’ve broken something had Renee not been there to catch him.”

“Oh my God,” Matt whispered, watching Neil obliviously sip from his drink.

“Needless to say, nobody went out that night.”

With a mixture of fear and joy in his eyes, Nicky gestured to Matt and Seth.

“Your answers?”

Matt turned his forgotten whiteboard around, too busy giggling at nothing to worry over his answer.

“Seth,” Nicky asked, already looking unconvinced, “do you have one-hundred and forty-three cousins?”

Seth blinked. “I can confirm that I do not.”

“Brilliant.” Nicky gave him a lop-sided thumbs up. “A shot for Matt, then. What did you put?”

Seth flipped his board. “The much more sensible twelve-ty four.”

“That’s,” Nicky blinked, “that’s not a number.”

“Incorrect,” Andrew cut in. “I actually ate twelve-ty four doughnuts just yesterday.”

Seth nodded like that checked out. Nicky was worried he’d accidentally given his entire team alcohol poisoning before eleven at night.

“Is it morally acceptable to give them more shots?” He asked Renee, who snorted.

“No, but it is funny.”

Nicky laughed despite himself. “There’s our sweetheart.”

Renee winked as she walked past to hand Matt and Seth their shots. Allison and Neil were already arguing over their answers.

“What’s going on?”

Neil narrowed his eyes at Allison. “She’s getting her best friend card revoked. She clearly doesn’t know anything about me.”

Allison puffed up in indignation. “As if you’re any better! You apparently don’t listen to a word I say.”

“Who does?” Matt quipped, grinning like he’d just told the world’s funniest joke.

Allison raised her whiteboard above her head threateningly, but was stopped by Dan jumping heroically in front of her boyfriend.

“He dies by my hand, or he doesn’t die at all,” Dan proclaimed, whilst Matt looked up at her with stars in his eyes.

Andrew looked at Dan appraisingly. “Wilds gets it.”

Allison just turned her whiteboard around, scowling.

“I wrote four. Apparently that’s not right.”

Neil looked disproportionately irate. “It’s not! In what world do I have four cousins?”

“You wrote that I have three!” Allison argued. “When have I ever mentioned any cousins?”

“Okay,” Nicky placated, hands out. Whether that was to force the pair apart or to maintain his balance was yet to be determined. “How many cousins do you have, Neil?”

“Nine,” Andrew answered for him, and it was testament to how his own tolerance was faring that he looked mildly pleased with himself for knowing the answer.

“The fuck?” Seth muttered. “Since when?”

“No more tangents,” David practically begged, looking physically pained.

“Right, yes, let’s move it along.” Nicky pointed down the line. “Aaron and Andrew?”

They both looked unduly smug as they flipped their boards over. One, read their identical answers.

“Wrong!” Nicky declared triumphantly, causing the twins to frown at him.

“No, it’s not,” Aaron defended. Nicky looked put out.

“You’re our only cousin, Nicky.” Andrew looked like he thought Nicky was being especially dim.

He frowned. “But, I have four cousins.”

Andrew stared at Nicky for an uncomfortably long time.

“Yes,” he said slowly. “You do. On your mother’s side.”

Nicky nodded, but his expression told them he did not understand this at all.

“If we don’t move on right this second, we’re going to lose the circus clown's wet dream over there.” Aaron announced, and Seth nodded, looking like it hurt him to do so.

“Right, next round” Nicky said, before letting out a large, alcohol burp.

Matt couldn’t contain his giggles, and doubled over, slapping his knee. Neil was grinning, looking entirely unsober and Dan looked close to sniggering at the bizarre noise. David was, naturally, entirely unimpressed.

“Right so this one you need to split your board in two,” Nicky said.

Neil immediately tried to snap his whiteboard in half by bending it over his knee, causing Nicky to run - stumble - over to him.

“Woah, woah, woah, Neil,” he said, “With a line. With a fucking horizontal line, don’t break it.”

“Huh?” Neil said, sounding entirely baffled.

Andrew leant over Neil, using his own marker to draw a line across Neil’s whiteboard.

“You always have my back,” Neil said drunkenly, entirely awed.

Andrew rolled his eyes but his expression was far less controlled than usual. Something vaguely resembling affection had seeped into it.

Nicky prowled around once more and when he was satisfied his instructions were followed, he continued.

“So in the top box, I want you to write the best thing about your partner. Their best feature,” Nicky said with a smile, “On the bottom, I want you to write your best feature. Then we’ll compare them.”

“How do we get points here?” Matt said, becoming too drunk to fully understand.

Nicky shrugged. “I’ll just … give you points when I think I should. Shots too.”

“That fills me with confidence,” David said under his breath.

“Come on, fuckers. Get writing!” Nicky said.

It was becoming increasingly hard for most of the Foxes to actually put their pens to the boards and write their answers. Those who succeeded the first time to coordinate their pens still struggled to actually write in a semi-legible way. Nicky seemed to have zoned out for a while after noting down his own answer, before he leapt across the room as if nothing had happened.

“Right. Neil, let’s start with you.”

“Which one do you want first?” Neil asked, looking down at his frankly unreadable board.

“Hmm, what did you say Allison’s best feature was?” Nicky asked, after musing for a moment.

“I said… Oh, yeah, I said that her fashion sense is the best thing,” Neil replied.

“Good choice,” Nicky praised, “Let’s see if it matches. Allison, what did you say your best feature is?”

“My ass,” Allison said with a grin.

Dan immediately leant over Seth and Matt to give Allison a high-five. “Damn right. It’s a wonderful ass!”

“Thanks,” Allison said smugly.

Neil, however, seemed outraged. “When would I have noticed your ass, Allison? I’m not a pervert.”

“You mean to say you’ve never once looked at my ass? Seriously?” Allison replied incredulously, “I’ve even caught Kevin looking at my ass before.”

Neil quickly turned his head to look at Kevin, who just shrugged shamelessly. Neil turned to look at the rest of the Foxes to gauge their reactions.

Seth shook his head. “Don’t look at me like that. I can’t say anything.”

“You can admit her ass is nice, Seth,” Renee said with a grin, “I won’t be mad at you for stating the truth!”

“Let’s move this conversation on,” David said, looking wholly uncomfortable.

“Right,” Nicky said, steadying himself once more, “Let’s see what you guys said, but the other way around.”

“I said I’m a fast runner,” Neil replied happily.

Seth laughed slightly, “Is that all you can say?”

“What?” Neil replied, completely confused, “That’s like my best feature. Why, what did Allison say about me?”

“I said your face,” the girl in question replied.

“Fuck you,” Neil immediately spat, his mood instantly souring, “What kind of a joke is that?”

“It’s not a joke, Neil, it’s fact. You’ve got a pretty face.”

Once again, Neil turned to look at his team, this time with an incredulous expression.

“You are joking?” he said, but he didn’t seem sure.

“Look, face it, buddy. You’ve got a nice face,” Matt said with a grin.

“He’s right,” Nicky chimed in.

“He’s fucking not,” Aaron mumbled, but he was promptly ignored by everyone.

Neil turned to Andrew, who just shrugged. “It’s alright, I guess.”

Matt laughed loudly, “That’s basically a love confession from Andrew. Congratulations!”

“Renee, can you get Boyd some water, please?” David called, and Renee immediately followed the instruction.

Once the water had been delivered, Matt threw his arms around Renee in thanks. It was awkward, because Renee was standing up and Matt was sitting down, but Renee returned the gesture as best she could, as well as patting Matt on the head.

“How is he so drunk? He’s barely done a shot,” Abby said, looking quite concerned.

Matt simply grinned, using finger guns to point to the alcohol table, with a look on his face that suggested it was the best thing he’d ever seen, after Dan’s face.

“Talking of shots,” Nicky said, “Allison and Neil, two shots each.”

“Wait, why two?” Neil asked.

“Dumbass,” Andrew mumbled.

“Because,” Nicky continued, “Your answers didn’t match at all.”

Renee, thankfully sober and therefore able to carry the shots over without spilling, appeared by her girlfriend and Neil.

“There you go,” she said, smirking.

Neil just put his thumb up at her, before taking the shots and downing them in quick succession. Allison elected to go a little slower, the drunkenness causing her moves to become less rapid. The majority of her focus was on not spilling the shots, which - outside of a little that missed her mouth - she was mostly successful.

“Thanks for saying I’m fashionable though,” she said to Neil, “That’s gotta be like my second best feature. And to be fair, you are fucking fast.”

“Are these even technically features?” Kevin asked, but was immediately shushed by the rest of the team.

“Okay,” Nicky said, wobbling a little as he moved down the line. “Matthew and Sethtopher, what did we have?”

Matt exploded, once again, into loud, goose-like laughter.

“Excuse me?” Seth said sharply.

Nicky shrugged, “Just wanted to lengthen your name. Anyway, Seth, what did you say Matt’s best feature was?”

“Tall,” Seth said simply.

The foxes sniggered and even David smirked a little.

“You’ve spent all fucking night telling us everything about each other and all you have to say is ‘tall’?” Aaron said incredulously.

“Damn right,” Seth said.

“Aren’t you like the same height?” Kevin chimed in, clearly confused.

“I never said I wasn’t tall, dipshit, I just said that his best feature is tall,” Seth said, before correcting himself, “Tallness!”

“Aw, babe,” Dan said mockingly, “I love your eyes and your hair, but what really draws me in is your tall.”

Matt blew Dan a kiss, apparently missing the way she was mocking his partner. Dan rolled her eyes affectionately.

“So, Matthew, did you write ‘tall’ as your best feature?” Nicky prompted.

Matt shook his head and held up his whiteboard. This didn’t help anyone understand, because his writing looked like that of an elephant who’d been given a pen.

“You’re gonna have to read it,” Seth said.

“Oh, okay!” Matt said brightly, “It says ‘Don’ but I think it’s supposed to say ‘Dan’.”

Nicky looked at Matt. “Did you misunderstand the question?”

Matt shook his head once more. “No, Dan’s just the best part of me.”

Nicky, Allison and Renee all cooed at Matt’s sweetness, while Aaron mimed throwing up.

“Wow, Aaron’s grossed out by straight relationships too?” Neil said.

“I’m grossed out by the lot of you,” he grumbled.

“Shut up, Aaron,” Andrew said, entirely bored by his brother’s existence.

“Moving on,” Nicky said, “Seth, what is your best feature according to yourself?”

“My sarcasm,” Seth replied simply.

“Damn it,” Matt remarked, “I didn’t write that.”

“What did you write?” Nicky asked.

“No more drugs,” Matt said simply.

“He’s fucking incoherent,” Aaron mumbled.

“I’m sorry, what?” Nicky asked, as the rest of the players seemed just as confused.

“There’s no more drugs in Seth,” Matt clarified, as though what he was saying was obvious.

“You’re telling me the best bit about Seth … is the lack of drugs in his system?” Nicky said, now even more confused.

“You’ve got it!” Matt said proudly.

Nicky looked baffled, but Seth gave a quick smile to his partner, clearly understanding the deeper meaning that Nicky was not.

“Thanks, man,” he said sincerely, “Means a lot.”

“Allison! You didn’t tell me Seth was actually human!” Neil tried to whisper, but failed miserably. There was no trace of irony in his voice at all.

The team laughed, as Neil quickly realised he’d been heard. His face flushed red, although that may have been more to do with the obscene amounts of alcohol he had consumed.

“Two shots each for you two,” Nicky said, returning from the table with two shots.

Renee had the other two, as she had leapt up as soon as Nicky had headed over, not trusting him to safely carry that many shots.

Matt and Seth grinned at each other, before downing the shots in quick succession.

“Right, mothertruckers, who’s next?” Nicky called out, “Dan and Kevin. Let’s see, what’s Dan’s best feature?”

“I said,” Kevin glanced at his board, “I said she’s a good leader. She’s our captain after all, and she did get us to the championships.”

Dan made a peculiar noise, similar to that of a seagull, if it was being strangled, causing the whole team to look at her.

“What the fuck?” she choked out.

Kevin looked completely aghast and the rest of the team wasn’t sure what to make of it either. Dan brought her hand to her face and rubbed her eyes. There were now tears glistening in them.

“Kevin,” Dan said.

“I’m sorry,” Kevin said quickly, looking incredibly awkward. “I didn’t mean to-”

“You stupid fucking idiot, don’t look so guility. That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. And one of my biggest insecurities,” Dan quickly threw her arms around Kevin and pulled him into a tight hug.

For once, Kevin didn’t immediately try and pull away. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her and reciprocated the hug, causing Dan to cry gently into his shoulder.

She pulled away, and looked to her team. “That makes my answer look fucking shit.”

“What did you write?” Neil asked curiously, slightly perturbed by the sight of Kevin being affectionate.

“My biceps,” Dan said, attempting a smug tone while still looking emotional.

“They’re fucking good, to be fair,” Allison said, and Renee hummed in agreement.

Andrew, who’d been quiet for a while, decided to pipe up at this point. “$10 says Kevin put his exy skills as his best feature.”

“He’s not that dumb!” Nicky said confidently.

“You taking the bet?” Andrew prompted.

Nicky nodded, “Kevin, what did you put?”

Kevin had gone pale and was avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room, although that wasn’t entirely unusual.

“Kevin?” Nicky prompted tentatively.

“He’s right,” Kevin said simply, causing Andrew to laugh loudly.

“Pay up, motherfucker,” he said, holding his hand out.

Nicky reluctantly reached into his pocket, and passed the money to Andrew without another word.

“Why would you bet against Andrew?” Neil asked.

“I don’t fucking know,” Nicky uttered.

“Dan,” Renee said, ignoring how angry Nicky looked at himself (or Andrew), “What did you write?”

“Oh, I wrote Kevin’s best feature is his dedication,” Dan said with a smile, “Mostly to exy, but it applies to other things as well.”

Kevin blushed slightly, “I appreciate that.”

“It’s not identac- identical,” Dan said, slurring her words slightly, “But it was pretty close? Can we get a point and do a singular shot?”

“I’m gonna say yes,” Nicky mused, “But mostly because you two are close as fuck to alcohol poisioning.”

“Sensible choice,” Abby added.

“I’m saving the twins for the end because that’s going to be fucking hilarious,” Nicky said, “So Coach and Abby, who wants to go first?”

“I’ve written that David’s best trait is how caring he is,” Abby said softly.

There was a split among the Foxes. Some cooed at Abby’s answer, while the others seemed outraged. Abby effectively stopped the noise by holding up one hand.

“I think the fact you’re all alive and well and thriving is proof of how he cares,” she said simply, to which no one could disagree.

“Yeah, to be fair, would any of us be here without Coach?” Matt mused.

“Fair,” Andrew mumbled, “But I’m willing to bet Coach did not write that about himself.”

“No need to bet, Minyard,” David said gruffly, looking slightly red in the face.

David held up his whiteboard for the scrutiny of his team, who immediately burst out laughing. Matt was practically honking again and laughed even escaped from Andrew and Seth.

“Did you-” Allison wheezed, clutching her chest as she did so, “Did you seriously say your best feature is your ability to yell loudly?”

“David,” Abby said, aiming for soft but actually ending up laughing along with the team.

“I’m fucking dead,” Matt cried, before dissolving into yet more laughter.

“Do you want that on your tombstone, Coach?” Andrew called, “‘David Wymack, Father, Coach, Yeller’?”

“You little shit,” David replied, flipping him off.

“Even my answer was better than that,” Kevin said. He’d already composed himself once but his lip was wobbling a little, as he tried to contain the laughter.

“Let’s move on,” David said quickly, “Here - what about Abby’s best feature?”

The team looked at his board again.

“It says a lot that Coach would rather publicly admit Abby has a nice smile than dwell on the fact he thinks yelling loudly is his best feature,” Nicky said, before bursting into yet more laughter.

“Thank you, David,” Abby said softly, ignoring what Nicky said in an effort to distract her partner, “Unfortunately it doesn’t match mine, though. I wasn’t sure what to put but I figured being compassionate has to be up there as one of my strongest traits, so I went with that.”

“You were right with that one,” Renee said, and the team murmured their agreements, “Not that your answers matched though. So… shots!”

“Dear God,” David moaned as Renee brought the alcohol over.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten your answer,” she said with a grin.

“You’ll be on marathons if you’re not careful,” he grumbled, before downing the two shots handed to him.

“Oh hush, David,” Abby said with a smile, as she accepted and downed the drinks gracefully, “Anyway, Renee, what did you write about Nicky?”

“I wrote his love for his family,” Renee said sweetly as she sat back down, “And the way he’s willing to sacrifice things for those he loves. It’s very admirable.”

“Damn, Renee,” Nicky said, looking pretty emotional, “I wrote my sense of humour - which as we previously established is elite - but I’ll take that.”

His gaze flicked over to his cousins, who were conveniently avoiding looking at him and each other. He rolled his eyes. Nicky took that as an admission of guilt, to some extent, which left him feeling smug.

“What did you write about Renee then?” Aaron mumbled, still not looking up.

“I wrote everything about her! Like seriously, can you choose just one good thing about Renee, because I think you can’t!” Nicky replied, practically gushing.

“Damn fucking right,” Allison said, slurring her words slightly, “You can’t fucking pick because she’s so wonderful.”

Renee smiled at this, but it was a little tight. She didn’t seem fully comfortable with the praise being given to her like that. Andrew rolled his eyes, of course he was the only one who noticed this.

“I admire her fucking patience when dealing with you lot,” he mumbled.

“Well,” Neil said, “I admire her for being so nice. I’m not that nice.”

“Thank you, Neil,” Renee said gratefully, “And you, Andrew.”

“Yeah, well I think Renee is super kind,” Matt slurred, sending a bright grin to his friend.

“You guys are acting like anyone is disputing the fact Renee is nice,” Aaron said.

Renee laughed a little, “Thanks, Aaron.”

“Hey - I didn’t-”

“Are you seriously getting offended because something you said sounded vaguely nice?” Andrew sneered.

“Shut up!” Aaron snapped in return.

“Anyway,” Nicky said, jumping in before a full scale war could break out, “What did you say about yourself, Renee?”

Renee blushed a little and shrugged. “I just said my hair.”

There was a short silence in the room, as everyone seemed a little baffled at that was all Renee had written. Renee was known among the Foxes for her general niceness, so it was confusing to her team that she’d only said her hair.

“I think that’s a lovely feature of you, Renee,” Abby chimed in, gesturing towards the tips of her hair that were newly coloured in shades of pink and orange.

Renee smiled. “Right, that’s one more pair to go!”

Nicky looked slightly alarmed and terrified as he walked towards his cousins. “Who wants to start? Andrew, what - in your opinion - is Aaron’s best feature?”

“I thought long and hard about this,” Andrew said, almost sarcastically, “But I finally concluded that Aaron’s best feature is his brother.”

There was silence among the team as they waited for the inevitable explosion.

“What the fuck, Andrew? The best thing about me is definitely not you!”

Neil sniggered at Aaron’s outburst, which only seemed to anger him more. Aaron switched his glare between his brother and Neil for a few seconds, until someone else spoke up. This meant he didn’t see the curious looks from his team, as everyone waited on the edges of their seat to see what would happen next.

Andrew smirked, “Enlighten us then. What is the best thing about you, other than me, of course?”

Aaron flushed. “I wasn’t sure so I just put my high test scores.”

That set a lot of the foxes off, laughing at both Aaron’s answer and his anger. It seemed, however, Andrew wasn’t finished.

“If you’re not 100% sure, then surely that means you can’t rule out me being the best thing about you,” he continued, the smirk taking over more of his face.

“You’re such a fucking asshole,” Aaron muttered.

“To be fair, Aaron, that was a shit answer,” Kevin chimed in.

Aaron didn’t reply, but flipped Kevin off while glaring furiously at him then.

“Can you think of a better thing about Aaron?” Allison inquired, “Because I can’t.”

Aaron muttered something under his breath that sounded suspicious like “bitch”, but seemed to forget he was sitting next to the girl he was talking about. Allison promptly slapped him on the head.

“So, what did you write about Andrew then? What’s his best feature?” Allison said, crossing her arms as if getting ready to listen to something so interesting.

Aaron let out a frustrated breath. “I just presumed he’d be proud of his knife skills so I wrote that. I don’t fucking know if that’s true or not.”

“The amount they know - or more accurately don’t know - about each other still astounds me,” David muttered to Abby, who nodded in agreement.

“‘Knife skills’?” Neil repeated incredulously, “You are a fucking idiot.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, “Go on then Josten, what did he put?”

“I’d presume his eidetic memory,” Neil replied emotionlessly.

“He doesn’t have an eidetic memory,” Aaron said slowly, as though Neil was an idiot.

Andrew smirked and smugly held up his whiteboard. Surprisingly, his writing was still legible and the words ‘eidetic memory’ were written on it.

“No fucking way!” Nicky said excitedly, as though Christmas had come early.

“I repeat: you’re a fucking idiot,” Neil said smugly to Aaron.

Aaron didn’t reply, but used his whiteboard to try and hit Neil over the head. Aaron, in his drunken state, had forgotten that they both played a sport that relied on quick reflexes. Neil easily dodged the board and Aaron just hit the chair instead.

“The fuck is an eidetic memory?” Matt asked Seth.

“He literally remembers everything,” Seth replied.

“Shit! Andrew Minyard with that much information is dangerous!” Matt replied, sounding slightly terrified.

“Don’t worry!” Allison said, “If he wanted you dead, I’m sure you’d be dead by now!”

That did not stop Matt from worrying.

“Look, how was I supposed to know he has an idiotic- I mean, eidtic memory?” Aaron sighed.

“Because he’s literally your twin?” Allison offered, smirking.

“Who I’ve only technically known for a few years,” Aaron retorted.

“It’s still weird that you don’t know about him,” Neil said.

Sober Aaron might have retorted about Andrew not knowing him either. But Aaron was far from sober.

“You’re weird!” is what he actually came out with.

Neil, just as - if not more - drunk, replied “Am not!”

“You fucking are!” Aaron said, “Literally everything about you is weird, Josht- Josten! Your face, your hair, the exy obsession, even that fucking cardboard cut out of Kevin that you claim is your child!”

“And Andrew’s,” Neil added with a smile, ignoring Aaron’s point, “We have joint custody!”

Andrew, who’d had as much alcohol as his twin, nodded.

“You have a what sorry?!” Kevin said, sounding alarmed.

“We have another Kevin. Cardboard Kevin! He’s like our son,” Neil replied with the smile of a proud father on his lips, “I asked Andrew if he could come tonight but he said no.”

“We’ve already got Kevin here,” Andrew said, as though his reasoning was obvious, gesturing towards the real Kevin.

The rest of the Foxes seemed to be confused, but not as confused as anyone might have expected, because they were used to Andrew and Neil’s bullshit.

“I decapitated him once,” Andrew said, as though it were normal.

“You decapitated a cardboard cutout of Kevin?” Nicky said slowly.

Andrew nodded. “He was annoying me.”

“Don’t worry, I fixed him with duct tape,” Neil added with a smile.

“Like I said,” Aaron chimed in, “Fucking weird.”

Nicky had clearly decided it was time to change the subject. “Shots!”

“Look,” David said, noting Aaron’s flushed cheeks and the tips of Andrew’s ears that were starting to turn red, “I think we need to rein in the shots a little bit. Especially on such easy fucking questions. I think we’re about two shots away from Aaron’s liver shutting down.”

“Nicky, get him the shots,” Andrew mumbled excitedly.

But Nicky didn’t seem to have heard him.

“Easy?” Nicky said, outraged, “You think you could do better?”

“I know I could,” David replied confidently.

“As if, Coach,” Seth remarked dubiously, and there were murmurs of agreement from around the room.

“Try me,” David replied confidently, “Any question about you lot, I guarantee I know the answer.”

“Oh yeah?” Nicky said challengingly, before pausing to think. “Alright then, what is my favourite colour?”

“Sky blue,” David replied, without missing a beat, “Closely followed by lilac.”

The Foxes all turned to Nicky expectantly, who just nodded, stunned that David had the right answer.

“Who had the most followers on Instagram?” Allison called out.

“You, Reynolds, obviously,” David scoffed, “You certainly brag about it enough.”

Andrew scoffed. “Come on, these are easy questions.”

“Maybe to you Mr-Idolic-Memory,” Matt said, rolling his eyes, “Someone come up with a better one!”

“Okay,” Dan said, eager to take up the challenge, “What is the most money won out of a sangu- singular Foxes bet?”

“$500,” David replied instantly.

“How does he know?!” Nicky said, aiming for a whisper and failing miserably.

“Because all of you, except Renee, lost out on serious amounts of money and whined about it for days,” David said, “Except, of course, you Neil. I believe the bet was on how long it would take you to find a therapist you would actually fucking speak to?”

Neil looked shocked, but nodded. “Even Andrew lost out to Renee. I was going to be mad about it too because why the fuck where they all betting on me? But Renee took us all out to dinner.”

“That’s why Renee’s the best!” Allison slurred, raising her drink in their air as if to toast but accidentally spilling it all down herself.

David rolled his eyes. “Face it, I know more about you guys than you do.”

“Absolutely not!” Seth yelled, and the others shouted out in agreement. “These questions are dumb.”

“Okay then, hit me with some better ones,” David replied, folding his arms over his chest.

Abby rolled her eyes at her partner’s willingness to fight with a bunch of college kids over who knew more. She said nothing, though. It was highly amusing and she didn’t want to ruin it.

“How many times has Renee dyed her hair this year?” Allison called out.

“4, so far,” David replied easily.

Allison, apparently unsure of the answer herself, turned to her girlfriend. Renee smiled and nodded.

“That was another shit question, Allison. How about this: how many brothers do I have?” Seth asked challengingly.

“6,” David said simply.

“Hang on, I have 7,” Seth said suspiciously.

“No, Seth, you’re one of seven,” Allison replied.

“Oh fuck, yeah,” Seth said, rubbing his forehead and brushing his hair out of his eyes, “I’m fucking drunk.”

“You all are,” David muttered, “Anymore questions?”

“When was the last time Andrew cried?” Aaron challenged triumphantly, sure he’d stumped his coach and would have a chance to humiliate his brother.

“Last movie night. You lot watched Jaws and for some fucking reason that psychopath cried with laughter.”

“It was fucking funny,” Andrew said, as if that justified anything at all.

It seemed to be a collective decision to ignore that comment.

“What’s Erik’s middle name?” Nicky piped up smuggly.

“Not technically about you lot,” David said, before holding up a finger to silence the outcry, “But I do know it’s Hans. Erik Hans Klose.”

Nicky gasped, “You really do know your shit!”

“What sort of a name is ‘Hands’?” Neil asked Allison, who was apparently not listening.

Andrew overheard this and scoffed. “Hans, dumbass, not Hands.”

Neil shrugged, “I don’t hear the difference.”

“Why are we talking about hands?” Allison asked, oblivious to the exchange between Neil and Andrew.

Matt and Seth both just shrugged in reply.

“Erik has nice hands,” Nicky mused.

“That’s because it’s his name,” Neil retorted.

Nicky looked baffled but instantly gave up trying to figure out what Neil meant. He was far too drunk for that shit.

“He honestly knows too much,” Matt said, pointing at David, “How does he know so much?”

“Beats me,” Dan replied, yawning.

“Right, I think it’s time to call it a day,” David said, clapping his hands together and standing up.

There was an outcry from the Foxes. Some of them insisting that the game wasn’t over, while others were still revelling in what David knew.

“I’ve got a good question,” Allison slurred with a fierce grin.

“Last one,” David said firmly.

“Who is objectively the best Fox?”

David rolled his eyes, “I have no idea of what fucking metric we’re going by but that’s obvious.”

Everyone seemed to have the same idea. They turned to look at Renee, who blushed slightly, but sent David an assessing look.

“Seeing as you have apparently decided I’m one of you lot against my fucking will, the answer is obviously me,” David said, “Need I remind you that I’m here, right now, unpaid?”

There was a slightly stunned silence.

Until there wasn’t. There was an outcry of responses. Nicky vehemently claimed he knew that David had always loved them secretly, while Aaron looked like he was about to throw up, though this might not have been entirely relevant to the answer David had given. Dan boldly grinned, while Allison sulked, claiming that her girlfriend was nearly the best. Neil looked absolutely out of it, grinning drunkenly at Andrew who looked the closest he had to smiling off his medication. Nicky turned his attention to arguing about something completely irrelevant with Seth and Kevin. That’s when David had had enough.

“Let’s go, Abby,” David murmured over the noise.

“You had fun, didn’t you?” Abby accused with a grin on the way out.

“I have no fucking clue what you mean,” David said, as they walked through the doorway.

There was a loud thump, followed by an uncharacteristic brand of Minyard laughter.

“That means Aaron’s passed out then,” Abby hummed assessingly, “Should we go back?”

“Absolutely fucking not. It’s their mess, they can deal with it,” David replied, as the cool air of the night hit them.

“Renee can deal with it, you mean,” Abby corrected.

David shrugged, “She knew what she signed up for agreeing to be here.”

The couple walked to separate sides of Abby’s car. As they got in, Abby looked at her partner.

“Why won’t you admit you had fun?” she teased.

“Because that would mean admitting I don’t think they’re all awful,” David replied, grabbing his seatbelt, “And I would never fucking live that down.”

“I think admitting you’re one of them already did that, David,” Abby said pointedly.

“Fuck.”