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Nueng couldn't tell for how long they were sitting like that, since Palm took him to his room.
Palm's on the bed with his arms full of Nueng, who's comfortably nestled himself in his lap. They're so impossibly close, it should feel uncomfortable, yet they both seem to be more than content with such arrangement.
Palm's been lazily kissing him for so long now, that Nueng actually feels dizzy. The kiss is so slow, so deep, it spreads warmth throughout his whole body. His favorite smell, his favorite touch, everything he's been dreaming of for these past months, everything he's been so deprived of, is finally in his arms. And now he feels delirious.
Nueng almost lets out an embarrassing disapproving whine, when they finally part to take a breath and Palm buries his nose in his neck. Nueng feels overwhelmed. It's hard to switch like that and it seems as if half of his brain still found it hard to comprehend where he truly was.
“I’m still mad at you, you know.”
Nueng senses Palm’s body tensing under him, his hands freezing then slowly dropping, but Nueng holds him closer not letting him pull away.
“I didn’t say to let me go. Don’t even think about it.”
Palms arms go back to his lower back as he slowly caresses his spine. He’s even more quiet, than usual and Nueng knows he feels uneasy. He always gets like this after Nueng scolds him. Palm's fully wrapped around him, face tucked into his neck, but his touch is still cautious as if he's not sure, what he’s allowed to do or not.
Nueng doesn't regret saying what he said on the beach, because it was all true. He really hurt him, he really lied to him. But he also didn't want to see him like that. Waiting for something. As if Nueng should’ve come up with some sort of punishment for him.
Nueng mindlessly threads his fingers through Palm's hair, hiding his nose in it. His heart is still doing something wild inside his chest, as if it’s received blood for the first time in a while. God, he missed him. He missed him so much.
“What do I do with you?” There’s no anger, only some helpless softness in his voice.
Palm just hugs him tighter.
“Whatever you want.” Calm, quiet answer comes without any hesitation.
Nueng laughs softly and tugs at his hair lightly, making Palm meet his eyes.
“Can I really?”
His tone is gentle and playful, but the look in Palm’s eyes is dead serious. As if Nueng asked him to go and cut off his finger he would do just that. Nueng furrows his eyebrows at this. This look made him angry at times... It reminded him of just how little Palm valued his life. How he never ever put himself first and almost never allowed himself to be selfish. Maybe just for once he wanted everything to be about Palm, but he never ever allowed him that. Even in bed.
It took some time for Nueng to notice, but literally no matter what he tried to do, Palm somehow always turned it around. During their first time, he swapped their hands, when Nueng was rubbing them together; during their second time Nueng wanted to lay him down and ride him, but two seconds in he somehow turned out to be under him, which he didn’t mind in the slightest, but still. It was only after the fifth time (because his brain was always too unclear to function), that Nueng started to sense the pattern here. He tried everything and each time the result was pretty much same. Palm clearly adored him being in charge, yet it was always about asking Nueng to tell him what he wanted Palm to do to him and order him around to please him, but never himself. He loved Nueng on top of him but he’d never let him ride him until he came, only for a bit and then he had to be all over him driving him insane with all the touching, holding him down, while he was thrusting into him. The only times he’d let himself come into Nueng's mouth were when he was sucking him off at the same time. All the other times Nueng was quite rudely pulled off and ravished after that in all the ways possible. It was as if Palm was allergic of just for once laying down and taking what he was given without giving anything back.
Maybe this was Nueng’s chance.
“Would you let me..."
“Yes.”
Nueng slaps his shoulder.
“I didn’t finish.”
Palm swallows audibly, staring at him obediently with a bit of curiosity in his eyes.
“Whatever you want.” His repeats softly again.
“I want to please you.”
Palm’s eyes go wide at that. He looks as if Nueng just grew a second head.
He kinda expected a punishment, not a reward.
“Like you just once would let me do everything to make you feel good...”
Palm still looks at him silently, as if waiting for the catch.
“...but you won’t touch me.”
Palm visibly winces at that. Complete silence fills the room for a few seconds.
Nueng's fingers softly trace Palm's cheekbone as he examines his expression with wonder. He almost sighs. He honestly at times wished this gorgeous face at least had subtitles, because right now it for some reason looked as if Nueng just condoned him to the worst kind of torture.
“This is not a punishment, you know." He notices that his own quiet laugh sounds unsure.
There’s some weird painful emotion on Palm’s face. He opens his mouth as if he wants to say something, but then slowly closes it, as he looks at Nueng again.
The truth was that Palm was addicted... to Nueng the way he is when he’s in his arms. How he melted under his touch so easily. Once he saw that, once he felt that, it was as if something switched inside him. He still couldn’t get why only his touch had such effect and it was driving him insane. Nueng was so responsive to him. He could’ve been ruthless and quite cold during his job, but then Palm would touch his cheek and he would immediately lean into it like a kitten. That content glossy satisfied look in his eyes each time Palm's hands or lips were on him, the way he moved and sounded under his touch... he couldn’t explain why, but there was nothing that made him more turned on than this. He knew it was probably weird that the truth was that he could much quicker get off on touching Nueng, than touching himself or even Nueng touching him. But it was just the way it was. So for him what Nueng just offered was like taking 70% of his pleasure away. Like if he was thirsty for a long time, waiting for a glass of water to appear and once it finally did, instead of being able to drink it, he was forced to watch someone else drink it instead.
This is not a punishment.
His face features relax as he smiles at Nueng softly.
“Like I’ve said. Whatever you want.” He nuzzles his cheek.
The way Palm says it for some reason makes Nueng feel as if it’s once again about him and he almost rolls his eyes at that. This is fine. He is stubborn, too.
___
Half an hour later Palm genuinely looks as if Nueng was indeed torturing him. His pupils are dialated and his chest is heaving, skin glistening with sweat. He looks so hot that Nueng inadvertently licks his lips. But as much as he is proud of the fact that he managed to make him come like three minutes after he put his mouth on him, he still couldn't figure out what was wrong. Because Palm is still too quiet for his liking. He came very hard, his body still trembles a bit, yet for some reason that sated happy look on his face, that Nueng adored to see each time they were together is still nowhere to been seen.
There is hunger in Palm's eyes as he looks at Nueng's body slowly moving as he opens himself on his own fingers, but this expression of adoration is openly mixed with pain and frustration.
Nueng's legs are shaking as he lowers himself on him and hisses at a burn. It seems like he rushed it a bit, it’s been a while and he probably should’ve taken more time to prepare himself. But he missed him and wanted him too much to care.
“No.” The word unintentionally leaves Palm's mouth along with a low moan, as he feels Nueng's muscles wrapping aroung him way too tightly. He immediately knew that Nueng was hurting and he didn't like it.
“No?” Nueng cocks his head slighly, smirking at him. “We decided on the safe word a long time ago and that wasn’t it.”
Palms eyes are visibly watery now, but they don’t look pleading. He closes them tightly for a moment and lets out a breath in a way he does when he’s in pain or angry. Nueng halts all of his movements, just enjoying being so close for a moment.
There was no words to describe that feeling of complete despair and emptiness he felt during these months. He really didn’t lie when he said that he didn’t want to live without him, it almost felt as if he couldn’t even now.
He wondered if it wasn’t alright that he felt this way. Palm seemingly was handling the separation much better, than him. At least he could go on longer than three months without him, unlike Nueng.
Because he couldn’t, he truly couldn’t. He was too weak for him.
Nueng feels his own body starting to shake lightly, his vision becoming blurry. For a moment he couldn't even hear anything around him, stuck too deep into his own thoughts. So he's startled, when he feels Palms hands enveloping around him.
He’s so warm. It feels so warm, so safe in his arms, that Nueng starts crying even harder. Palm hisses slightly as he fully sits up, holding Nueng closer to his body and gently prying his hands from his face. He looks upset, worried and confused, as if he somehow failed again.
“I really fucked up, didn't I?" Palm's voice is sad. "I promised to take care of you, but I really didn’t do a very good job.”
Nueng shakes his head defiantly, as he hugs Palm harder.
“Stop it, Palm. You did more, than enough. You gave me everything. You almost gave up your life for me, for god's sake!”
He almost sounds angry behind the tears.
“But l still hurt you..” Palm's hand mindlessly caresses his spine. “That means I failed.”
“Mmm..." Nueng sniffs softly, almost laughing at this. Because of course, of course Palm would be ridiculous enough to think that. He rubs his cheek on a wide shoulder, getting a bit mad at himself for breaking down like this. Some time ago he thought it was kinda weird how he'd never ever let anyone see him in such state, yet he never felt uncomfortable about Palm seeing him like that for some reason.
He lifts his head, catching Palm's eyes and soothingly rubs behind his ear.
"Not your fault... I’m just not as strong as you, Palm. I’m weak. I can’t sleep without you... I really can hardly sleep. I can’t seem to live without you. Look at me, I can’t even give you space when yo.."
Palms lips cover his, making Nueng swallow his last words. He only grazes his mouth gently, his hand embracing Nueng's cheek in his favorite way.
“Thank you for coming to me. Thank you for not listening to me. I didn’t want to be away from you even for one day." His lips softly brush Nueng's again.
"I’m sorry, Nueng, I'm sorry. I just didn’t want you to waste your time on me. I thought it’d be the best for you, but clearly I was wrong. All I did was hurt you and myself this time. You just shortened our suffering by coming here, that’s all.”
Nueng snorts at that and presses the tip of his nose to Palm’s.
“You’re an idiot.”
Palm's hand gently rubs his neck under his ear almost making Nueng purr. His nose grazes his cheek as he almost whispers in his skin.
“Will you, please, let me take care of you now?" Now Palm's voice is pleading. He almost sounds like he’s in physical pain. "Please, let me. I really need it."
Nueng needed it too.
He honestly still didn’t know whether he should feel flattered or offended by the fact that Palm clearly was more mad about pleasing him, than about lying there and enjoying what Nueng had to offer him. Because at first he even felt a bit angry about this. He thought that maybe he was doing something wrong or wasn’t as good at these things. But all of that unsureness somehow disappeared each time he saw the mesmerized look in Palm's eyes as he watched Nueng becoming undone under his touch. There was something almost obsessive in his look and no matter what Nueng tried, Palm never looked as satisfied as he was in these moments.
And Nueng couldn't live without Palm's touch. He needed it to come undone. He still remembered the times when Palm refused to allow himself to get close to him and Nueng almost went insane at some point, because each time he as much as grazed him, he was ready to erupt.
“Will you let me...?”
The next thing Palm breathes out into his lips is barely heard, but it makes Nueng's brain short-circuit on the spot, his mouth falling open, then closing again.
“W-what did you just call me?”
Palm flinches, pulling away.
“Nonono.” Nueng quickly envelops himself around Palm's body, refusing to let go. “Please, Palm, please.”
His lips trace the perfect shoulder as he sucks on the hot skin, making Palm let out another delicious sound.
Palm’s mouth almost angrily latches on his and Nueng lets out a moan. The way he kissed him as if he was his favorite meal always drove him insane.
Palm's hand slips under one of his knees, tugging his leg up, until its bracketed his side. He then carefully does the same thing with the other, making Nueng gasp when he takes him almost impossibly deep.
Nueng harshly squeezes his shoulder. Asshole. For a moment he gets too overwhelmed and shakes like a leaf, his legs clasping around Palm's sides too tightly.
Palm's hand is resting on his lower back pushing down even more, until Nueng feels completely helpless in such position. He pulls Nueng closer to his chest until there's almost no part of their bodies that aren't touching and noses at his neck. He is breathing heavily, body unmoving now. Nueng relaxes a bit, letting one of his legs wove itself around Palm's back, as he half sighs half moans.
Palm curses softly, his hand gripping Nueng’s ass tightly. Nueng’s shaky hand caresses his favorite place between his shoulder blades, the back of his neck and slips into his hair. Palm, Palm, Palm is everywhere. Nueng feels ecstatic.
Hand reaches out to hold on to his leg, that's wrapped around the strong body, as Palm carefully, without separating them lays him on the bed.
And there it is. This look again.
Nueng huffs in fake annoyance.
“Someone said he’s gonna take care of me.” He jokingly lets himself slip in a bratty tone. “I see nothing.”
Palm laughs softly, a satisfied sigh leaves his lips as he sucks on Nueng’s neck, lips slowly travelling down the sensitive skin.
“Someone wouldn't let me move.”
Nueng didn’t even notice that his legs were tightly wrapped around Palm's hips. He laughs at that a slowly untangles his left leg, laying it on a bed. The other one still stays wrapped around Palm, when he nudges him lightly.
“Excuses, excuses. Maybe, you’re just not the man for the job.”
Palm knows that that's a joke, but his brows still furrow slightly and Nueng reaches out to lovingly push his hair from his forehead and massage the wrinkles.
“Come here.”
He waits until Palm is so close that their lips are almost touching.
“You know... No one could protect me better than you. No one ever made me feel as safe as I’ve felt when I'm with you. No one ever made me feel so loved as I feel, when I am with you."
Palms eyes look glossier with each word.. he looks.. he looks almost high. Nueng smiles warmly at that.
"And you’re the only one who’s ever gonna be allowed to touch me like this..."
Palm's hand slips under his thigh then up around his waist as he all but forces Nueng’s hips to meet his as he thrusts into him. Nueng breathes out sharply.
Palm since the very first time remembered all the right angles to hit the spot just right. In fact the way he knew all the places he could touch to drive Nueng absolutely insane was starting to become scarier each time, since Nueng at times thought he might not gonna be able to handle it one day. Palm's persistence to find all of his weak spots and turn him into a goo grew each time, as if he was competing with himself who’d please him more... Palm or... Palm from two hours ago.
“How do you want me?”
“Slow.” Nuengs hand strokes Palm’s lower back, as he pushes softer into him this time. “I want it slow right now.”
Palm’s forehead presses into his, the tips of their noses touch and Nueng feels hot breath on his lips. Palms hips start moving heavenly and Nueng lets out relieved sigh. It’s been so long since he felt like that... loved, cherished, warm, he is afraid he’s gonna start crying again.
“Just like that, Palm, you’re so good to me.”
Palm's eyes are melting at his words and a soft moan rolls off his lips. There’s so much need in his look that Nueng’s heart skips a bit.
He missed him too, he needed him too.
For a moment Palm stops thrusting altogether and just holds Nueng’s hips close to his, staying deep inside of him, as he rolls his hips slightly, making Nueng shiver each time he grazes the spot. His lips are on Nueng’s all the time, tongue licking into him, almost lazily brushing his.
Nueng feels like his whole body is melting from the inside, as delicious waves of pleasure slowly drift through him. He gasps, when Palm starts moving again. He’s not particularly rough, but after a long leisurely paced bliss everything feels too sharp, and Nueng feels as if he’s already overstimulated. His nails unintentionally dig into Palm's shoulders, as he lets out a helpless cry.
Palm's moves falter slightly, his breath is shaky on Nueng's skin.
“Too much…? Is it too much, baby?”
Nueng barely have the strength to utter any words.
“No.. no, so good, Palm, feels good..” He sounds breathless and almost desperate. Palm watches him so intently, with so much love and want in his eyes, that Nueng shudders again. He turns his head slightly to press several kisses to Palms arm that keeps him above him.
“You make me feel so good, Palm, so good.” Nueng breathes out shamelessly.
Palm moans loudly into his neck, licking the unveiled skin. Four of his fingers gently wrap around Nueng's inner thigh, while his thumb slowly slips to a place their bodies are joined. He carefully caresses the skin of his perineum and then slightly presses his finger applying more pressure. Next time Palm enters his body Nueng lets out a scream. The pace he sets after that is merciless, Nueng’s whole body is shaking and finds it hard to breathe, biting on his hand.
Palm slowly rearranges himself lowering himself on his elbow and pushing his hand under Nuengs neck. His body is now plastered on Nueng’s and the other can’t help but wrap his hands around his neck pulling them even closer together. He shivers when Palm kisses behind his ear.
“Please, don't hurt yourself, you can bite me, if you want.”
Nueng wants to laugh at this. This guy was ridiculous.
He really didn’t know what he did in his previous life to deserve to be loved and cherished by a man like this. It must’ve been something out of this world.
He can’t contain loud cries that fall from his lips, when Palm pushes into him again and again, stimulation now is way too intense, it brings tears to Nueng's eyes. Palm's stomach grazes his length with every move and Nueng feels his body spasm as he shatters in his arms.
“Palm, Palm...”
He lets out a stream of curses along with his name. He can’t stop shaking and his hand helplessly swats Palm's, where he’s still massaging his inner thigh.
Nueng looks so heavenly, so blissed out, that Palm is almost mad about missing even a second of this sight, when his vision whites out, because Nueng’s muscles keep spasming around him so deliciously, along with the sweetest cries that leave his pretty mouth making Palm spill inside of him.
When he comes to his senses his head is on Nuengdiao’s chest. Nueng's delicate fingers are in Palm's hair, his leg is still refusing to untangle itself from him. His breath is steady and quiet, and Palm carefully raises his head, finding Nueng fast asleep. His cheeks are pink, puffy lips are pouting slightly as he cutely mumbles something incoherent and tightens his grip around Palm, forcing his head back into his chest. Palm smiles as his lips brush the place where Nueng's heart is. He’s still inside of him, but he doesn’t want to move and wake him up. Actually he just doesn't want to move.
He didn’t tell Nueng, that he barely slept during these months either. He honestly never thought that being without somebody could be so painful and so exhausting. He felt so tired, so tired without him.
Palm still can't take his eyes of Nueng, but they're closing themselves, so he gives up eventually, dropping his head back on Nueng's chest. He could only count to five of his heartbeats before falling asleep.