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不安でも不安でも歩けたのどうして? (Even Though I Felt So Uneasy, Why Did I Keep Going?)

Summary:

Augustine suggested getting professional help, saying that he couldn't fix all of his problems.

What a sick joke.

(title from Goodbye Everyone by PowaPowaP)

Notes:

hoo boy how do i even start. this is separate from my other xy au (where its immortal lysandre after x), rather focusing on lysandre's attempt in y. in this one though, hes alive but heavily scarred and left with peroneal nerve dysfunction, which you can read on here

lysandre's experiences with bpd are written from my own, but as they differ from person-to-person feel free to give feedback on that (politely). the therapist is an oc because i couldnt think of a character whod make a good therapist, so heres a basic description of her.
primrose: about 165 cm tall with medium length wavy light brown hair. she wears hexagonal frame glasses and summer dresses. she mainly specializes in trauma therapy but also helps with those who have personality disorders (shoutout to my therapist)

thats kinda it. heed the tags for the major warnings, though this is fairly lighthearted id say.

(chapter one title from DrugScore by PowaPowaP)

Chapter 1: あなたとわたしでつながる世界を見た (I Saw a World Tied Together by You and Me)

Chapter Text

"I really do have to go, Sina needs help wrangling the Fennekin." Augustine mutters, avoiding Lysandre's gaze in the meantime. He knows that the ex-Team Flare boss had issues with dependency, but he really couldn't keep enabling them.
"Couldn't Calem help her? He's started work at the lab, I'm sure the two will manage." Don't leave.
"It's an emergency. I can bring over some food for later so you don't have to stand up, but I can't stay." Sycamore affirms, bringing over a box of yesterday's meal towards the couch before leaving.

There is hurt in the red-haired man's eyes. Hurt, and then anger. It's barely visible with how little his face shows expression, but the subtle change already speaks volumes. There's a box of some takeout beside him, but the one who brought the takeout is gone. How could he leave? He knows how much Lysandre needs him, yet he still abandons him. That is not something Augustine would do, someone must have replaced him! They have him captured somewhere, locked in a basement, tortured. That is the only reasonable explanation.

-

Augustine returns, clothes covered in little splotches of char. His face is tired, lips turned into a slight frown. This still wasn't Augustine. The real Augustine wore a crooked smile, the real Augustine doesn't leave.

"Where are you keeping him?" The man on the couch growls.
"Keeping who?"
"Augustine. Where are you keeping him? You can't lie to me!"
"I'm still Augustine. Just because I left and look a little burnt doesn't mean I've been replaced." The professor attempts to comfort, sitting on the couch as well.
"No you're not. You left me. The real Augustine cares."
"Wha- Of course I still care! I needed to make sure the Fennekin didn't destroy my lab, I'm allowed to care for other things as well."
"But you still left me."
"And I returned.
"But what if you hadn't? You're my everything! I wouldn't be alive without you!"

That part is true, it was grief-stricken Augustine who uncovered the ginger man underneath layers of debris. Though this couldn't continue, the other man had a job to do! Being the Professor takes up a lot of time, and he couldn't afford to be everywhere when needed.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but have you considered therapy?"
"Are you saying I need help? I only need you!"
"That's the problem here. You and I both have problems, and I can't fix all of yours. I have a job that takes a lot of attention, my own problems, and I can't tackle two people's problems at once. I'd break."
"And what makes you think a random person could fix my problems?"
"The fact that it's their job, something they've gone through years of education to learn how to do. I went through education to deal with Pokemon, not humans."
"Fine. If you think I need it."

-

And that's how Lysandre ended up in Dr. Primrose's room. She was a bright lady, and it seemed the whole room glowed with her energy. All sorts of flowering plants decorated the room, each with their own name written down and stickers. Despite the context of their meeting- the room looked almost like someone's bedroom, several beanbags sprawled on the floor with a table in the middle.

"Mr. Lysandre, is that correct?" He nods. "Is there any other name you'd prefer I call you?"
"Just Lysandre is fine." She writes something in a teal notebook before continuing.
"Alright! This is just our introductory session, sort of a get-to-know-you. Is there anything you'd like to share before I get started with the questions?"
"How long will it be until I'm fixed?"
"Well first off, I can't 'fix' you. I can help you recover, but there is no way to 'fix' someone. Secondly, recovery depends on the issue and the amount of effort put in. Therapy isn't just me telling you what to do, but a cooperative effort." Dr. Primrose picks up the notebook again, crossing out something and then writing down something quickly. "Anything else?"
"No, nothing else that I can think of."
"Let's get started with the questions then!" She claps her hands together and hands him several sheets of paper.

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