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The dojo floor was cool to the touch. Donnie was sitting on the edge, crossed legged. He had his wired earbuds with his phone resting in front of him. He was listening to a dance party mix that currently was stuck in some kind of Kesha timeslip. His preferred meditation pose had his hands rested on either knee, back straight, breathing slow, eyes closed.
Footsteps beside him. Donnie wore these headphones for a reason, instead of his usual over-ear, for the moment his twin sat beside him in the dojo.
Donnie and Leo liked to meditate first, train second. Raph and Mikey liked to train first, meditate second. Splinter had said it didn't matter which way around, as long as it worked. Donnie couldn't train until he'd spat out all his thoughts first, rolling them around like a rock tumbler and leaving just the polished final product.
Leo settled beside him, knees a whisper apart. Blindly, Donnie took out one headphone and offered it. His twin put it in then settled. Leo always sat with both hands clasped, one folded over the other with thumbs crossed, and his head down.
It was harder to focus with one ear free to hear to the clatter of Raph and Mikey sparring on the other side of the dojo. But it didn't matter, because Donnie wouldn't trade this moment for anything. The two twins, mirrored posing, sharing music, meditating together. Once Donnie understood the concept of parallel play as a child he knew that he wanted Leo to be around as often as possible. Plus it helped Leo too, he loved a body double, he could only meditate because Donnie was.
The Kesha loop broke into Skrillex's Kill Everyone. Nothing about either of their posture changed, but Donnie felt Leo's amused response to it.
Donnie knew they weren't biological twins. That much was obvious, and in the interest of scientific accuracy he could not deny that there was an equal amount of DNA connecting Donnie and Leo as there was connecting the four of them.
However.
Leonardo was his twin. No one else on the planet was his twin. There was something to be said about choosing to be twins with someone. When they were old enough to understand the concept of birthdays, Splinter let them pick the dates. And baby Leo and baby Donnie chose the same day, so they could be twins.
And so they were twins.
He had a built in best friend. An army on his side. A shared braincell. A worst enemy. Leo understood him, down to his core, and knew exactly how to piss him off. And often did on purpose. He also knew the second he went too far, and how to apologize and make it so nothing ever happened.
Leo was, hands down, the best twin on the planet. Donnie couldn't have asked for a better one. He threw himself whole hearted into the act of being Donnie's twin.
Sitting on the dojo floor, sharing a headphone, Donnie felt like he was possibly the worst twin on the planet.
Because he wasn't good with people. He often pushed too hard, said offensive things, made bad comments, didn't look anyone in the eyes, hid from social interactions or affection -- the list went on and on.
The best he could do was offer a headphone and share his music. Soaking up the vibes of his twin, the amusement, even as they both stayed in perfect posture. It was Donnie's favourite time of day. He wanted to live in the moment forever.
"Don, let's see some katas!" Raph called from the other side of the dojo. He always got impatient with meditating, and wanted to get them moving.
Donnie took his headphone out and handed it over. Leo put both in, face expressionless even as Donnie knew he was laughing internally at Donnie's misfortune.
Donnie centered in their space, palms together, feet flat, listening for a moment just to Leo's breath and Raph and Mikey's spar. Then parted palms, shifted his foot back, and began.
Leo stayed completely still. Donnie wondered what he was thinking about. When Donnie finished the kata, Leo suddenly got up, plucking out the headphones and joining Donnie's side again.
"Now I've got Alejandro stuck in the head." Leo complained, not facing him like a spar but instead standing parallel. He wanted to do a kata with him.
"I know that we are young and I know that you may love me," Donnie said, in an expressionless voice just to make him laugh.
Which he did. Leo lit up and said in tandem, dramatic to Donnie's cool, "But I just can't be with you like this anymore.... Alejandro!"
"Ay!" Raph complained on the other side of the dojo.
Donnie and Leo set their heels in line and began the kata together, wordless and in perfect unison, without having discussed which to do. Donnie knew the one Leo liked and had been practising the most. They ran through it in harmony, top to bottom, both serious and focused. They reached the end and switched to stretching.
Leo sung under his breath, as he leaned over his calves, "Don't call my name, don't call my name."
"Alejandro." Donnie echoed, working on his wrists.
"I'm not your babe, I'm not your babe."
"Fernando."
"Can you guys focus please!" Raph called.
Leo began to dance instead. "Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch, just smoke my cigarette and hush. Don't call my name, don't call my name."
Donnie couldn't not dance when there was dancing going on. He bopped with Leo. "Roberto."
They sung the obnoxious repeated bars of 'Ale-ale-jandro' and danced with arms out together. Mikey squeaked with delight and crossed the room, catching Leo and spinning the two of them in a circle.
"Dance break." Donnie said, hand out to Raph, still jamming to the beat in his head. Leo matched in sync, whirling Mikey around.
Raph laughed helplessly, and caved to join them. The four sung loud and terrible and danced.
When training was done, Raph rubbed the top of Donnie's head and said, "It's funny how Leo's always the one to get you outta your shell, huh?"
"That's physically impossible." Donnie pointed out, because he had to.
"You know what I mean. You love to dance but I never see it unless Leo's instigated it." Raph was beaming. "I just think despite all our jokes about the disaster twins you really are such good influences on each other."
A rock sunk into Donnie's stomach. His mind ran in circles, telling him all the jokes about the disaster twins were probably entirely things that were Donnie's fault.
But to Raph he said, "Of course." because of course Leo was a good influence, Leo was good.
After training, Donnie retreated to the lab. Leo was already there. He was sitting on top of Donnie's desk, wearing a hoodie and holding up a book. "Can I double in here?"
"Duh." Donnie replied, moving to his project.
He loved it when Leo body doubled in the lab, especially when he was also working on something productive. And the thick medical textbook that Leo was attacking with a highlighter certainly qualified. It filled Donnie with bubbling joy, to hang out with Leo, both completely independently doing their own thing. Donnie felt about a million times more productive when he could hear Leo flipping pages, tapping his foot, humming. When Leo got up and paced with the textbook, put it on the ground and read while standing on his hands. When the passage was interesting enough Leo would read it out loud for Donnie.
Donnie was lost in thought, however. And that was the problem, that he didn't always listen when he was focused on his own stuff, and it felt cruel that he ignored him. Sometimes he wouldn't even realize Leo had spoken until minutes later.
And he wondered why Leo even bothered, why he put up with such a selfish and annoying twin that gave him nearly nothing back that Leo put into the relationship. Because they were only twins by choice, so why the hell would Leo kept choosing every day to be twins with someone like Donnie?
Leo was in front of him, the medical text gone. Donnie looked up, blinking, running back the last few moments and realizing he'd been spoken to.
"You haven't actually touched that in like half an hour." Leo pointed out, once it was clear Donnie was paying attention.
Donnie looked down at the screwdriver in his hands, which he'd done practically nothing useful with. He set it down. He said, "I'm thinking."
"I noticed." Leo got on the floor across from him, legs bare beyond his knee pads, the hoodie tugged down to sit.
It was quiet. Leo eventually said, "Are you gonna tell me, or what?"
Donnie was well aware how stupid it sounded in his head. He didn't really want to voice it and make the weird thoughts real. He didn't know how to articulate this particular type of feeling -- disconnected wrongness. "I don't think I'm right. But I can't seem to stop thinking it anyway."
A concerned furrow found its way between Leo's brow. He said, "You don't think you're right?"
"I recognize the thoughts I'm having are cognitive distortions. But that doesn't make them stop."
"Well now I'm definitely worried." Leo scooted closer, not touching but leaning closer to search Donnie's face. "The best way to get them out of your head is to spit them out, D."
That was what Donnie had tried to do during meditation, but it hadn't worked. Even if Raph hadn't interrupted him, he probably could've sat there for hours trying.
"What good will that do? Certainly if I can't change my own thoughts you won't be any better at it." Donnie said.
"Dunno. But we share a braincell anyway, might as well fill me in." Leo shrugged, trying to sound cavalier and missing the mark.
The pained thing rocketed around his chest. Donnie must've made a face, because Leo's frown deepened.
"We're not actually twins." Donnie heard himself say, feeling out of control, like he wasn't in the driver's seat of his body anymore.
"Yeah." Leo said, slowly. "We're literally different breeds of turtle. I don't need to be a genius to know that. But we've been twins for like, a decade. So that counts for something."
"Does it?"
Leo really looked confused now. "Yeah? If I said to Mikey tomorrow that him and I were twins, it would not have the same weight as the two of us growing up with that for every moment we were together. It'd be like... weaker. What we have is strong. Don't you think?"
Donnie couldn't meet his eye, but that was nothing new. He was so different from Leo. They couldn't be further from twins.
When Donnie didn't elaborate, Leo prodded, "Is this really about us? Is that actually what you're worried about right now?"
"We chose to be twins." Donnie said. He pulled his legs up to his chest to hug.
Leo's eyes were still flickering, watching Donnie like he might reveal his secrets from body language alone. With how well Leo knew him, he very well might. He said, "Arguably more badass than twins assigned at birth, in my opinion. Every day we choose to be twins."
"Why?"
"Because I love you." Leo said, promptly. Without hesitation.
Donnie's heart wrung like a towel. He said, "You love Mikey and Raph too. But you don't make them your twin. Heck, Mikey would probably be a better one than me."
"Hold on." Leo raised a hand. "What are you even saying? Give me a second. Of course I love them. Raph's my big brother. Mikey's my baby brother. But you're my twin."
"But why?" Donnie whiplashed out again. "I don't listen to you. I don't look at you. I don't -- I can't be soft and kind like Raph. I can't be cheerful and sweet like Mikey. I'm not -- I'm not like you, you do so many things for me, all the time, and I give you -- what? Sarcasm? Scorn?"
Leo stared at Donnie like he was from another planet. Then he said, "You're right, that is definitely a cognitive distortion. Is that really what you think?"
Donnie buried his face in his knees so he could stop looking at Leo's expression.
Leo heaved a sigh. "First of all, you would be my twin even if you did nothing for me ever because I love the shit outta you, like woah. But the reality is that you kinda do, dude, like all the time."
Donnie's eyes felt suspiciously hot. He kept them hidden. Leo sounded so lost that Donnie would say that, while the rest of his voice was coated in sugar-sweet love and adoration.
Leo continued, "You said you don't listen to me but you do. More than anyone else, because if I want to rant you are always down for the tea. And you'll like, remember what I said and give me follow up questions later. You'll glance at me across the room when it comes up again in casual conversation and I have to fight all my natural instincts not to die laughing because I know you're in on the joke with me."
Ah. Tears. That was the ocean of water living behind his eyes. Donnie breathed slow and careful so he wouldn't shudder with sobs, hiding his face still.
"What else, you don't look at me, that's fine? You don't have to? I know it makes you uncomfortable. I just look at you because otherwise I'd get distracted but like, D, come on. Your brain works different. Don't be mad at yourself for the way you are, I don't need you to be another way. I've never been mad at you for not looking at me. You're just mad at yourself and you don't gotta be because it does not matter. Again, you listen to me more than anyone, even when you don't care --"
"I wasn't listening to you before." Donnie pointed out, voice rough, not lifting his head.
"Uh, yeah, because we were vibing. I was mostly talking to myself, I know you were focused. If I really wanted to you to hear what I wanted then I'd like, you know, make sure you were listening before I started talking instead of just rambling into our comfortable void -- hold up, are you crying?"
"No." Donnie denied.
"Right." Leo shifted, because he didn't believe him. "Well. I don't want you to be like Raph or Mikey because I've already got those roles filled. I want my sarcastic and scornful twin because he can also be wicked smart, incredibly thoughtful, and like, engaging and funny and calming. You get me. I love our brothers but I often don't really feel like they get me but you do, without ever asking or needing explaining."
Leo could be pretty complicated. But Donnie had spent a long time learning as much as he could, cataloguing and paying attention. Because part of knowing Leo was knowing that he didn't like to explain himself, since he didn't get it either and didn't want to, but also wanted you to accommodate those things he didn't understand.
Donnie sniffed, giving away the fiction of not crying. He said, "And how do I know you're not just telling me nice things because I'm crying?"
Leo's hand touched his neck gently, waiting a second to give Donnie time to pull away, and rubbing little circles when he didn't. "Because sometimes you're crying because you need to hear nice things. We don't do that normally because it's gross and awkward, I know we both agree. But the whole point of physiology means sometimes it's telling you something. That you're upset and want someone to tell you it's gonna be okay. Don?"
"Mm."
"It's gonna be okay."
Well, he just had to hug him after that. Donnie with his salt-streaked face, messy and wet, digging his nose into Leo's hoodie as he hugged him so tightly it ached.
"Cognitive distortion." Leo agreed. "Telling you that aren't the best twin on the planet. I know you are. I wouldn't have chosen anyone else."
Donnie gave a wet laugh and clung harder.
Leo was incapable of shutting up, continuing as he squeezed and swayed their hug back and forth, "I can't get anything done without my body double. My dance partner. My twin. My Donnie."
"Stop now." Donnie complained, because the wring of his heart was making it painful and breathless.
"Never." Leo vowed.
Donnie was washed with a fresh wave of tears. They hugged on the floor of the lab until their limbs went numb and they had to get up.