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The crowds scream and yell. Not of terror, like he hears in his faintest yet oldest nightmares, but of happiness and gratitude. Leo gapes as he looks over one shoulder to the next, taking in the humans that are cheering for them – mutants .
His heart thumps wildly as the sounds echo through one ear and out the other ( does he even have ears? ). His grin matches his brothers’ he bets, wide and toothy because this is what they’ve been after! They saved the world! They gained acceptance! It didn’t matter that they had hated them for a couple minutes because April had changed their minds.
They owe a lot to her, don’t they? Leo’s grin dims as he searches the crowd for her familiar beanie. Surely she’s here too, right? Why wouldn’t she be? He has to congratulate her on finally being on camera – he always knew she had the perfect face for it.
It takes longer than he likes to find her. When he does, it’s because she’s rushing over to Raph and Mikey, a direction firmly behind him. His grin returns.
“April!” they call, Donnie also turning to be a part of the imminent hug.
“Guys!” April crashes into them, hugging them briefly before bouncing back on her heels, a giddy look in her eye. She throws her hands out. “You did it!”
Raph guffaws and punches April’s shoulder. “Heck yeah we did!”
“Did you see us?!” Donnie questions enthusiastically, shaking Mikey and causing the younger to laugh quietly. Wait, quietly? “We literally took down a giant. A giant! This-is-the-greatest-day–,” he takes a deep breath before shooting his arms up. “Of my life!”
Leo sends April a gentle smile as she chuckles at Donnie’s antics. “It’s all thanks to you,” he tells her. “We couldn’t have done it without your help – or New York’s!”
April huffs and looks away. “Well, you saved my bike.”
“Only after Raph threw a ninja star at you,” Donnie teases, poking Raph’s forehead with his stick. His red banded brother slowly swats it away.
Leo narrows his eyes and his smile strains. Slowly?
“It was an accident!”
Their argument is pushed away. Suddenly, Leo’s underwater. The only clear sound is that of his own heartbeat as he mentally checks over his brothers – praying that he can keep his rising panic under the surface. There’s too many eyes around – too many people watching. He can’t ask them outright what’s wrong. However, keeping his freak out internal is harder than it looks.
Tiny cracks sprout across Mikey’s shell, smack-dab in the middle and spiraling outwards. Raph’s is no different. Leo notices a hairline fracture as he gently shoves Donnie backwards, Mikey still giggling too quietly to be normal. He… he was milked. Raph was milked! Raph and Mikey were milked and– and his and Donnie’s shells probably match theirs!
A turtle’s shell is their protection. It’s their shield . When it's broken, they can die. Die quickly, especially when they’re not taken care of and when there’s dirt around and if they got anything in their cracks and–
And everyone is still watching them, Leo realizes as he swiftly looks around. They’re exposed. Really, really really, really, really, exposed. He knows enough about adrenaline to know that it can hide pain. He’s still riding its high himself, barely feeling the cracks that made tears slip from his eyes and his voice hoarse as he screamed. It should hurt more.
Now that he’s thinking of it, maybe it will get worse. That’s how that works, right?
For once, Leo swallows his panic as best he can. He slides on the cool and calm facade Mikey’s almost always floating about with and steps closer to his brothers. He needs to get them out of here. Now.
“Hey.” Leo hovers his hands over Mikey’s shell. Touching it would make everything worse, right? Contamination. Infection. Death, which they nearly didn’t escape and– “Dad’s leg is hurt. We should get going.”
Tactical. His brothers, for all they are annoyed by their dad, they love him. They will do anything to help him and protect him, just as Dad does for them. There’s bound to be a couple groans but it’ll get them home. Away from prying eyes. Underground. Alone. Safe .
His shell throbs. He ignores it as his brothers groan, just as he predicted, but put up no fight. Raph and Donnie push past him, still jabbing each other with their elbows as Mikey silently trails behind. Leo takes a step after them.
“Here! I can get a car and drive you guys hom–”
“No,” Leo snaps, stopping in his place to look over his shoulder and glare at April. His shoulders raise defensively because he likes April and she saved them but she is not family and has eyes and they’re vulnerable and – and he can’t .
April stops dead in her tracks and stares at him, eyes wide and mouth agape. Hurt flashes across her beautiful eyes and Leo’s gut churns with guilt as he realizes what he’s done. He’s quick to turn and halfway her, waving his hands apologetically.
Leo keeps his own shell out of his brothers’ sights. They won’t be as quiet as he is about all this.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, April! I just – I just want Dad to be comfortable! He just met you and – and I don’t want him to be upset while he’s hurt and – and you still have to check up on your parents!” he rambles, forcing a smile. “Sorry,” he adds as her face slowly gains a reluctant understanding.
“You’re right…” she gently allows, one hand halfway up to her chin. April chooses to point her finger at him and his brothers. “But you better text me when you get home!” she demands sternly.
Leo’s smile melts into something gooey as most of his worries about angering her wash away. Of course April would understand his half-baked lie. Not that it was a complete lie, but still…
Overall, his brothers come first. Not a girl he’s absolutely heads over heels for.
Mikey speaks up for the first time since he realized the crowd was cheering for them. “Will do, April!” He sends the girl a thumbs up.
Leo is quick to turn and shoo his brothers towards their dad. They all wave and high five the New Yorker’s they pass through, making Leo’s anxiety crawl. He nods and smiles at everyone but he can’t help but feel weary. Their shells are cracked. His shell is cracked. Mikey and Raph were milked and who knows what other injuries they all have that are hiding under the adrenaline rush that is just now starting to wear off for him.
He pushes through the growing pain, just like he does to the crowd.
Surprisingly, Scumbug is hovering near Dad’s shoulder. It’s disgusting. However, what bothers him most is her presence.
She’s not family, she’s not safe, get her away from my family. Leo ignores those thoughts… mostly.
Scumbug garbles what seems to be a friendly greeting to the turtles. She turns to their Dad and grunts some more as Donnie quickly walks over to his side, offering his stick as a temporary cane. They circle around their beloved rat-dad, worried expressions drawn over their faces. Whatever Scumbug says makes Dad relax immensely. He nods in thanks to Donnie before looking straight at him.
“Scumbug has kindly offered to fly me home, as my leg is… not in good shape,” Dad tells them, quickly glancing over his four sons. Leo’s fists clench. “Leonardo, will you be able to get your brothers’ home?”
No , he wants to say. No because we won’t be together and you can’t go with her because you don’t know her and I don’t know what she said and I don’t know what to do I don’t want to separate, Dad, please, my shell–
Leo doesn’t say all that. He nods and looks over at Scumbug cautiously, purposely keeping a smile on his face. “I can do that,” he assures the two of them. “Stay safe?”
Dad’s gaze softens. He can’t exactly reach him so he chooses to ruffle Donnie’s head instead. “Always. And remember! You are grounded!”
Leo gapes as Scumbug lifts their chuckling rat-dad off the ground. Raph groans while Donnie gestures frustratedly. Mikey lets out a betrayed “What?” at their Dad’s departure. He sighs.
“Alright, lets get–”
“We’ll see ya there, turtle dudes!” Mondo screams as he skates by, the rest of the mutants not far behind.
Wingnut pauses and flaps her wings above their heads. “You sure you four won’t need help?” she asks kindly.
Leo’s smile cracks, just a small bit. “No!” he calls up, trying to stay as cordial as he can with his new roommate and oh my gosh, there’s going to be everyone everywhere at the lair and– “We’re fine!”
Wingnut nods, pauses, and then flies off after her family. Leo turns to his own brothers and starts waving with his hands. They’ve got to go. They need to go.
“Ok, ok, geez,” Donnie whines, his head thrown back as he walks towards the nearest manhole. “We’re going!”
Raph grumbles along in agreement, even as he kicks the manhole cover up to let everyone through. Donnie crawls down the ladder first, Mikey not too far behind him. Leo grabs the manhole cover, gesturing for Raph to go first. Raph blinks and tugs the over back.
“I got it, Leo,” he snaps.
And… and look , ok? He gets it. Raph’s tired. He’s slower than usual and the pain is probably starting to catch up to him, Leo gets that. The same is happening to him right now! However, this is not the time or place to fight and be vulnerable and be distracted because everyone is literally everywhere!
So, he uses his face.
Leo drags out his Big Brother Is Pissed face.
He watches as Raph’s eyes widen and – for once – doesn’t take it as a challenge. He grunts in frustration but hops down the manhole, Leo quickly following behind. He ignores the glares his red banded brother gives him for using the face.
Leo has a mission. That mission? Get everyone home ASAP. They need medical attention. He needs medical attention. He needs a safe place with closed walls and that familiar, homey smell thanks to Mikey’s many candles and– and he needs to not hear the chatter from above. He needs silence. No one but him and his brothers.
If they get home fast enough, maybe he can close off their room. Tape it off, build a door. No one is allowed to come in except Dad. Would that work with Mondo and Bebop and Rocksteady? Well, he’d make it work.
The walk home is quiet. They know the sewer systems like the back of their hands so it is not hard to make their way back. Plus, they once saw on a documentary that turtles sometimes have a homing beacon – an easy way home. Something instinctual. Still, it sets Leo on edge every time they near a sewer grate and loud sounds and lights come through.
And then Mikey trips.
It should be funny, really. He takes one foot in front of the other a bit literally. Leo watches as Mikey falls, terror jumping to his throat as he rushes forward.
“Mikey!”
At his shout, Raph and Donnie whirl around. Raph nearly tips over which makes Leo even more worried even as he holds a trembling Mikey in his arms.
His littlest brother looks tired – frail, even! His green skin is pale and caked in sweat. He smiles at Leo and tries to push himself upright, holding his head. The orange bandana he always wears is drenched. Leo, usually the one to pull away from gross fluids like sweat, curls Mikey closer protectively as he feels his forehead. He… he feels cold? So not a fever? W-what–
“Sorry.” Mikey tiredly chuckles at his own trip up, like it's the funniest thing in the world. “The world spun a bit, dude.”
“He got milked,” Donies whispers, like it's a revelation. “Oh my gosh – Mikey! You got milked!” His hands fly to his head as he tries to share a glance with Raph before remembering… “You got milked too!!”
Leo gently helps Mikey up, worry threatening to drown him as his littlest brother uses him as a crutch. He frowns and tries to think. They’re not far from the lair. They can walk. It’s five minutes.
“I’m fine,” Raph grunts at Donnie’s fretting as he holds a hand above Raph’s eyes, possibly checking for a concussion. However, Raph doesn’t pull away like usual. Donnie’s panic visibly rises and then he turns to Leo.
Leo, the leader. Leo, their biggest brother. He swallows and throws Mikey’s arm around his shell, ignoring the pain that surges through him at the action.
“Donnie, give your stick to Raph,” he tells him, proud that his voice doesn’t waver to give away the pain he’s now doubly in. “Raph, use it like a crutch and take it easy. Donnie, get on the other side of Mikey. Stay there in case he falls again.”
Donnie and Raph do as told as Mikey groans. “I’m fine, Leo.”
“I’m ignoring that,” he dutifully responds, shifting Mikey’s arm again and blinking back tears as his limp arm brushes what he guesses to be the top of his cracks. He pauses to take a breath. “Let’s go.”
They start walking again, slower this time. It takes nearly double the time to get halfway home, Raph getting slower as Mikey’s head slumps. Donnie slows too, in sync with Leo as he keeps having to readjust Mikey’s arm as it slips down his shell. His head swims with worries, blinding and deafening him to the outside world. His thoughts aren’t coherent, he’s just feeling .
Two minutes from the lair, Donnie breaks his trance. “Leo,” his purple banded brother huffs, “My shell hurts.”
His voice sounds strained. So strained. Too strained. Like he’s holding back tears and is only powering forward because he needs to. He’s the second oldest, after all. Their ages don’t really come into play (besides Leo’s) but they did have some meaning. Leo’s the oldest and the leader. Donnie’s the second oldest, the tired middle child. And Raph and Mikey… well, their dad got tired of them fighting over who’s older. They’re “twins”.
If Leo’s really being honest, it changes. Sometimes they’re all quadruplets. Sometimes everyone just knows Mikey is the youngest, no matter what he says. Other times there are different sets of “twins” or “triplets”, depending on who’s having a bad week and who’s not. It isn’t anything set in stone.
Except for him. He’s always been the oldest. He will always be the oldest. It’s his nature, he says when asked. The good parts of it (protecting, caring) and the bad (overbearing, snitching). It’s who he is.
So when Donnie says that, something in him breaks a little more.
“I know,” he answers, giving an empathetic look in Donnie’s direction. “Just another minute or so and we can clean up, ok?”
Donnie nods, not returning Leo’s look. A part of him cracks even further.
He knows it's not his fault. They’re all hurt because of Superfly. They’re all hurt due to their first ambition of wanting to be accepted. They’re hurt partly due to their own selfish wants and partly due to a genocidal maniac. His plans were not what hurt them. However, seeing Mikey struggling to walk the rest of the small distance home as Raph leans heavily on Donnie’s stick, with their purple clad brother close to tears because of pain… his emotions go haywire with guilt he knows he should not be feeling.
Emotions and logic don’t mix. But oh how Leo wishes they did.
Guilt and worry and paranoia and anxiety and sadness and anger and – and everything overwhelms him. He tries to shut it out. Just get home… That’s all he needs to do.
It’s not surprising that Mikey doesn’t even make it to the door.
The archway stands right up ahead. Donnie lets out silent tears of relief while Raph’s sigh is so large Leo can smell his breath from here. He lets his shoulders drop an inch and looks down at Mikey, only to feel his littlest brother slump completely against him, eyes fluttering closed.
Leo breaks .
“Mikey!” Donnie yelps, rushing to help Leo. He’s too slow. By the time he’s ready to help Leo carry Mikey, he’s already got him in his arms bridal style.
Raph rushes ahead, leaning against the arch and calling for Dad. Donnie bounces next to Leo as he runs ahead, nothing really computing in his brain. The lights are blaring, the sounds are so loud he can’t hear, and everything is both too fast and too slow. He rushes through the archway and towards their room because it’s their room and so only they should be in it and–
A pink and brown hand reaches for him. Leo jolts and jumps to the side, curling over Mikey as much as he can before letting out a loud HISSSS!
Whatever was trying to reach him backs off. Good. This was his brother and only he can take care of him and there’s too much going on and there’s so many unfamiliar smells and that means unfamiliar people staring at their cracked and vulnerable shells and – and their room is safe. Their room is safe .
Leo, reminded of his original goal, scuttles towards their room and throws the curtain closed. His breaths come in and out unevenly. He backs against the corner and then yelps as it sends fire through his shell and – yeah! That was a bad idea! But a corner means no one can see his shell and its damage and therefore he’ll be somewhat protected. It’s Mikey he’s worried about.
He collapses in a heap on the floor, grimacing at how cold the concrete is because they never bothered to place a carpet or blanket in the corner near his bed. Pulling Mikey into his lap, he shakily brushes over the cracks and yanks his hand away when Mikey whines under the touch. He gulps in air greedily and wills his mind to try and work.
W-what should he do? Where’s the medkit? They have one in here, don’t they? How – how does he take care of this?! He can’t leave Mikey here! His breathing picks up with each thought.
Leo gently and shakily pulls Mikey closer, curling over him. He doesn’t know how to fix his brother’s shell, no. And his shell isn’t exactly perfect right now. But… but maybe… he could be the temporary fix. The position he hovers in – as to not touch Mikey’s cracks – isn’t exactly comfortable, but it’ll do. He stares down at the cracks and blinks back his own tears as his shell begins to throb along to the beat of his heart.
It’s not as bad as he originally thought. Well, cracks on shells are bad, but it’s not as big as he thought. It’s tiny compared to what he saw on Raph and Donnie and it makes his shoulders slump in relief.
His head snaps up. Raph and Donnie!
He looks back down to Mikey and then up at the curtains, anxiety making him want to throw up. He left them he left them he left them he left them he–
Leo quickly slides out from under Mikey, grabbing his nicest pillows and placing them on Mikey’s shell as a guard, barely noticing the blood on the floor from where he was sitting. He spins and nearly trips in his haste to find his other two brothers. He rips back the curtains and dashes through the hallway.
He was right. The living room is crowded with the mutant animals they were fighting mere hours ago. He chokes on air before finding Raph and Donnie huddled at the table, Leatherhead and Wingnut doing something to their shells as Dad watches nervously and–
He moves before he has a chance to think. Leo rushes in and grabs Raph’s and Donnie’s arms, pulling them away from the strangers touching their cracked shells. He pulls them closer and backpedals, ignoring how lightheaded he feels.
“Ow, Leo!” Donnie cries, trying and failing to rip his arm away from Leo’s iron-grip.
“What the hel–”
“Don’t touch them!” Leo shouts, his voice cracking and going shrill as he continues to pull them away. Both brothers stop struggling at his voice.
He draws his face into a snarl and tries to look as threatening as possible to the people in the room. These are his brothers and he doesn’t know them and their shells are cracked–
“Leonardo,” their dad starts quietly, hands up in a placating motion. Leo whips his head towards the rat, panting and struggling to breathe and ignoring the tears running down his cheeks because he’s in pain and maybe Daddy can take that away! “They are helping.”
Betrayal, Leo learns, really hurts. Not more than his shell, but it hurts.
He glowers at his father and continues to pull his brothers to their room, eager to leave the prying eyes in the living room behind. He ignores their protests (because he doesn’t want to hear them, not because they sound funny) and digs his feet in. They reluctantly let him when they see the panic he’s in, sending hopeless looks to their dad as he tries to get up and follow.
“Leo–” their dad tries again.
They make it to the hallway. As soon as they make it he pushes Donnie and Raph behind him (still ignoring their protests and their surprised gasps, whatever that is about) and glares at the mutants in the room. Their dad tries to follow and Leo both wants him to and wants him to leave them alone because he trusted his brothers in the hands of some strangers instead of helping out himself and–
He blinks as the room blurs. He shakes his head – when did it start pounding? – and blinks again, dropping his snarl as he takes a step backwards.
“ LEO!! ”
He hits the ground, wondering what could possibly be hurting his brothers now.
Everything… hurts…
That’s his first thought. He snuggles his head back under his pillow and ignores the ripples of soreness it sends through his body. In the safety of the dark, Leo blinks his eyes open blearily. His eyes feel so crusty.
Disgusted, he rubs them with one hand. Moving that arm really sucks. He hates having eye-crustys even more, though, so he finishes his task and swallows painfully. His throat is dry, his eyes are crusty, he has a headache, and he’s sore. Is he sick?
Leo blinks slowly. No. That doesn’t seem right. Why doesn’t that seem right?
He stares into the darkness provided by his pillow and lets himself wake up. Memories float in one by one. Like a trickling stream! He closes his eyes as memories of April, fighting, milking, more fighting, and pain fly by. It isn’t until that last one that he realizes what exactly happened to him and why he’s so sore.
His shell is cracked.
Leo grumbles uncomfortably. That’s going to take forever to– Mikey! Raph! Donnie!
He shoots up from his bed, ignoring how it makes his head throb and jumps out of it. It sends a shock wave of pain through him. He doesn’t care. His brothers are his priority and… he looks around their room. No one is here .
His mind fills in the blanks with the worst possibilities.
Ripping back the curtain, he races as fast as he can to the main rooms. His thoughts circle in a loop.
What if they’re dead? What if only I made it? What if they needed to go to the hospital?! What if the mutants betrayed us? Where are they where are they where are they– They’re… they’re fine?
He stands in the doorway, holding his breath. Raph, Donnie, Mikey, and April are in the living room. They’re playing a game he can’t see. He can hear Dad cooking in the kitchen, humming that one song he always does. The other mutant animals don’t seem to be around. He gawks at the sight before swallowing again, his dry throat really irritating him.
Again, he doesn’t think before rushing into the living room. He stumbles before hopping in front of Mikey, earning gasps of his name. He grabs the youngest’s head and looks over his shoulder to get a glimpse of the orange clad turtle’s shell. He ignores the questions that are aimed at him as he grabs Raph’s shoulders and gives him the same treatment as Mikey, getting onto his knees to try and peer over his brother’s shell before nearly dive bombing Donnie and doing the same thing.
He’s aware he messed up the card game they happened to be playing. He’s aware April’s staring at him like he’s grown two heads. He’s aware he isn’t acting normal but the last time he saw his brothers he was convinced they were halfway into the grave. Leo’s allowed to be worried.
His hands still tremble as he pulls away from Donnie and looks at each of his brothers. His breath – which he didn’t even notice had sped up – evens out again as he chuckles and rubs his face.
“You’re ok,” he breathes.
The information removed a brick off his plastron.
“Us?!” Donnie shrieks, before launching himself at Leo. He wraps him up in a firm yet gentle hug. Leo eagerly returns it as Raph and Mikey join in, April scooting back to give them room. “You passed out from blood loss!”
Leo’s brain stalls at that. “W-what?” he croaks. He’s able to tilt his head up enough to catch a glimpse of his dad staring down at him, a soft smile on his face.
“Your shell was horrible,” Raph answers, tightening his grip around Leo. It hurts a small bit but Leo doesn’t mind. “It was dripping. We’re lucky Leatherhead could patch you up.”
At the mention of the alligator, Leo tenses. He breaks the hug. “She patched me up?”
“Her and Wingnut,” Mikey provides, scooting closer to Raph so he can see Leo clearly.
And… Leo doesn’t know how to feel about that. He was unconscious and that was his shell they were messing with but… but also… they patched him up when he was vulnerable like that. That’s a good thing. It’s a sign they’re trustworthy – which! He guesses that them betraying Superfly should have been enough to make him trust them but he… didn’t. He didn’t even trust April!
Why?
At Leo’s silence, Donnie pokes his shoulder. “You ok? I know you didn’t seem to like them helping us out, but…”
Leo shakes his head before nodding it. “No, no. It’s a good thing. I… don’t know why I freaked out, I guess,” he admits, not looking at his brothers.
“You don’t have to be ashamed, my son,” Dad says, hopping down and into the circle. “I have taught you to be mistrustful, especially when hurt. You were only protecting yourself and your brothers, which is very admirable,” he praises, gently cupping Leo’s cheek.
Leo nods, biting his lip. “I… should still apologize, shouldn’t I?” he asks meekly with a sheepish smile.
The rat shrugs, removing his paw. “If you want. But only if I get the first apology.” His dad winks playfully.
Leo’s eyes ridges furrow as he looks at Raph and Donnie, who snort and start giggling respectively. “What? What – what’d I do?!”
Mikey raises his hand. “I’d like to know too!”
“Ditto,” April agrees, leaning in and notepad already at the ready. Did she carry that everywhere?
Dad hums, leaning back on his haunches and ear flicking with amusement. “I don’t know… I would not want to embarrass your brother–”
“You hissed at him!” Raph explodes, making Donnie fall onto his side as he cackles.
“What?!” Mikey and Leo chorus as April’s eyes widen.
“You guys can make turtle sounds?!” she asks, her voice almost in a squeal.
“No!” Leo shouts, voice cracking and exposing his lie. He waves his hands frantically. “Not since we were kids!”
Raph’s too busy laughing at his misery to refute so Mikey does it for him. Lucky Leo!
His orange clad brother leans forward with an evil grin. “You mean since we were kids. You broke your streak!”
Leo gasps indignantly and then looks to their dad for help. The rat isn’t any. He’s giggling along with Donnie. “Dad!”
Dad smirks. “You were protecting Mikey as well,” he adds as April coos, scribbling on her notepad furiously. “You were adorable!”
Instantaneously, his three younger brothers immediately begin teasing him for being “adorable”. They talk over each other and Leo hears every single jab. His face darkens.
“I hate all of you,” he tells them defeatedly, rubbing his face tiredly to sell the act.
Then again, he is pretty tired. Maybe it isn’t all an act.
“You at least love me!”
“ Mikey! ’
He never lives it down. However, if he notices his brothers tend to come to him more often when nightmares keep them awake or when humans are being… humans … then he won’t say a thing. A big brother protects the younger ones. That’s just how it works.
Leo’s the oldest. Sometimes it means pushing himself to the side, but that’s ok. The rewards are worth it.