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Cassandra lags behind the others, wincing with every slow, shuffling step. Ahead of her, Jacob leans heavily against Ezekiel, barely upright with his broken leg. Despite herself, Cassandra feels a brief flash of envy. For Ezekiel’s support or Jacob’s trust? she wonders, but doesn’t have an answer.
Eve steps up beside her and places a hand on Cassandra’s arm. Cassandra sucks in a breath. Pain zings through her body at even that light pressure on the lacerations on her arm. She doesn’t pull away – a big movement like that would hurt even worse. “Need any help?” Eve asks.
“I’m good,” Cassandra lies, and Eve seems to buy it.
The blue light of the door glows up ahead. It’s close but it feels impossibly far away.
“Couldn’t you put that thing somewhere closer?” Ezekiel calls back, apparently sharing her thought. She can tell he’s aiming for his usual light-hearted tone, but his voice wavers with pain.
“Sorry, Jones,” Eve responds. “Had to put it somewhere they wouldn’t find it.”
With every agonizing step towards the door, Cassandra finds it harder and harder not to lean into Eve. She’s exhausted, covered in wounds that pulse with pain and blood loss, and she’s had an unrelenting headache ever since they were captured. But she has to prove herself. She can’t be the weak link ever again. So she forces herself upright and forward. If there’s one thing Cassandra’s good at…
Well…
Besides math…
If there’s one thing Cassandra’s good at, besides math, it’s hiding pain.
They finally step through the door. Jenkins has been waiting and there are three cots and an assortment of medical supplies prepared in the annex. The injured Librarians sink onto the cots, letting out sighs of relief and hisses of pain.
Jacob’s leg is the immediate concern, but while Jenkins is seeing to that, Ezekiel points Eve toward her.
“Cassandra’s hurt bad,” he says.
Eve studies her. The blood hasn’t seeped through the layers of her outfit and no hurt shows in her calm expression. “Is it true?” Eve asks.
Yes, it’s true.
Cassandra considers, trying to calculate how much blood she’s lost. The equation slips from focus a few times before she’s able to complete it, but it comes out to a relatively easily survivable amount. At least, if she did the calculation right. But of course she did. If there’s one thing Cassandra’s good at, besides hiding pain, it’s math. “I’m fine,” she says, but her hesitation has only put a more worried look on Eve’s face.
“Why are you downplaying it?” Ezekiel asks, blunt and almost accusatory, but also clearly confused and hopefully well meaning. Eve seems to have had enough.
“Let me see where you’re hurt,” she commands.
Cassandra picks at the buttons on her sweater. Her layered clothing feels like a nuisance, now. Did she really need a shirt and a sweater and a vest? When strong but gentle hands begin to help her remove the fabric and lay down on the cot, Cassandra starts to ramble. “I didn’t tell them anything.” If Eve is going to help her, she needs to justify it, to convince herself, Eve, her fellow Librarians that she deserves the help. “Not one thing because I’m never going to betray you again. And they asked a lot of stuff but I didn’t tell them any of it.”
“I wasn’t worried about that,” Eve says softly. “I only cared about saving you in time.” Before Cassandra can contemplate that, a wet cloth rubs against her torn skin, too painful for even her not to flinch and whimper. “I’m sorry,” Eve says. She continues to scrub dried blood from Cassandra’s back with a pressure that Cassandra assumes is an attempt to be gentle but that hurts nonetheless. Despite the pain, Cassandra feels a vague sort of relaxation, but her mind’s still fixated on how she’d kept the Library’s secrets and there’s one more thing she needs to know.
“Did I do good?” she mumbles. “Did I earn my place?”
“You’ve always had a place here,” Eve reassures her. Cassandra takes that as a yes to her other question as well, takes it to mean that Eve is proud of her for having done well by the Library.
Cassandra smiles, closes her eyes, and admits to herself that the relaxation she’d feeling was the feeling of safety.