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Listening to David talk was like white noise. He was always talking about one thing or another, his first pet, his old camp days, but probably his passion for the outdoors. He never seemed to fully stop, on going.
“Oh Max! I’m so excited! Look, I know you don’t love shopping, but think about how fun it could be! Oh I mean, new clothes, new shoes, and we can decorate your new room! What do you think about blue walls? Moving is always such a hassle!” David asked questions, not expecting answers. Their recent move had been rather sudden, but Max tried his best to take it in stride. David talked so fast, Max couldn’t answer even if he tried. Not that he would want to right now. The apple sized pit in the back of his throat grew every time he thought of speaking up.
“I can buy you some new video games, maybe we can go visit Nikki and Neil later today…” Max wanted to say something. Anything. He just wanted to tell David how he felt. Ugh, gross. Feelings. The car speeded past more buildings as his throat closed up. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.
“And maybe we can think about a dog too! I mean, it’s a lot of responsibility, but just you wait! Maybe after a month or two…” David went silent, for the first time in a while, taking a deep breath as the song playing on the dvd player switched over. The red-head seemed deep in thought, probably about the previously mentioned puppy.
He didn’t seem to care that Max wouldn’t talk. He never did. Not one did David berate him for not doing something. Unlike…them. Why was he so…good at this? Max wanted to trust David but his head screamed “NO!” his thoughts looped like a coil. Round and round, and round again.
He wanted to be with David.
David cared about him.
He needed to be with him.
This wasn’t a mistake. This wouldn’t be a mistake.
“Thank you…” His voice shook slightly, as he stared daggers out of the window. God, how did David hold eye contact all the time? David turned towards him, happily about to respond.
“…dad.”
David froze.
Shit.
Max felt his stomach drop. Did he mess up? Fuck. Uhm. He better apologize. Right? That’s what you do in a situation like this.
But that lump in his throat stopped his usual snarky responses from flowing out. He wanted to speak his mind, like always. Why was this so scary? Max just froze, still staring out the window. He could see David’s expression in the rear view mirror.
His throat was dry when he opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He tried to force the words out, he really did! A “Haha! Kidding!” Which sounded nothing like him, but still! It was something! But his stupid shitty voice!-
“Of course Max.”
David’s tone was different than normal. Less…playful? Max didn’t know. He let out a very small sigh of relief anyway.
David started to talk again.
“Listen, I know I said not yet, but I was thinking, there’s this great pet shop down the way, and if you just wanted to stop in and look, I wouldn’t be against it….”
David’s voice started to blend in again.
Max sighed again.
He was fine.
He would be fine.
For now, he would just focus on David’s voice.
His…dad’s voice.
Like white noise.