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Shit. How had it come to this? How the hell did he catch the motherfucking plague when it hadn't been seen or heard from in centuries?
Tony remembered the NCIS mail boy bringing the seemingly innocent looking letter to the bullpen. McGee had moved to grab it and Tony's gut had screamed at him that he couldn't let McGee see it. At first, he'd thought maybe it was from Gibbs. The two of them had been seeing each other for a while and it was serious, but they weren't ready to share it with the team.
If this was a love letter, Gibbs couldn't afford to sign his name. There was a niggling doubt at the back of his mind that something was wrong, but he ignored it. Too excited by the prospect of a love note and knowing the best way to avoid suspicion would be misdirection, Tony had torn open the envelope and bragged, "I wonder who the lucky lady is this time."
He hadn't seen the lipstick swak until it was too late. The misdirection hadn't been necessary at all. It hadn't been from Gibbs. The powder he'd inhaled forced them to enact contamination protocols for the entire floor. Fortunately, he was the only one who ended up infected.
That in and of itself wouldn't be too bad. He was shipped off to the hospital as breathing became more difficult, but he'd never been a federal agent because it was a cushy job. He expected pain and was used to it, though this felt a lot worse than what he normally experienced. He toughed it out and faced it with his normal good humor, especially with Kate joining him. He couldn't let her see how much it hurt. As far as she was concerned, he was still just that frat boy goof off and he wanted it to remain that way.
No, the bad part came from the fact that he couldn't see his lover. He couldn't even show that he missed the Marine the few times Gibbs showed up to give him a sitrep. He had to pretend that everything was fine and that the two of them were just boss and coworker. He hated it.
Everyone knew that Gibbs was his medical proxy. Did they think that was just because he was his boss and it was an easier way to make sure Gibbs wasn't denied access to him? Neither McGee nor Kate, not even Abby, had Gibbs listed as their medical proxy but people believed whatever they wanted. Tony had seen that proven over and over again.
Coworkers saw that the two of them had a special bond, but they always attributed it to them being partners of long standing. He was seen as Gibbs' loyal Saint Bernard, but no one ever wondered why. Sometimes he wondered why they thought he followed Gibbs and what demeaning things they believed about him.
They accused him of having commitment issues and being a womanizer, but didn't notice that he never took anyone home despite his many stories about one night stands. It was easier to play into their belief that he was a frat boy than to worry about them finding out he was gay or dating his boss. He'd seen other men come out as gay and how problematic it was and watched as people stopped backing them up like they should, decreasing their life expectancy in an extreme manner. Finding out he was dating the boss wouldn't have the same impact on his life, but people would start to assume things about Tony or Gibbs or both that could impact their careers negatively.
None of the completely valid reasons for them to keep their relationship secret changed his desire for Gibbs to be by his bedside, especially when he thought he was dying. He knew his boss was chasing the person who did this to him, but it was cold comfort at best. Regardless of what he wanted, he did what was expected of him.
He flirted with Kate. He propositioned the nurses. He cracked off-color jokes. In other words, he did his best to be his most annoying and avoid dwelling on the excruciating pain and the fact that this might be the end of him. He pushed down his misery over his last few minutes being stuck with Kate instead of Gibbs. He wanted out of this isolation room with doctors and nurses who couldn't do anything for him.
As if missing his lover wasn't bad enough, the doctors insisted on a daily constitutional. Why the fuck did they expect him to walk regularly? He wasn't even allowed to leave the isolation room. What kind of walk was that?
Supposedly it would benefit him somehow. Maybe it was supposed to keep the muscles from deteriorating or something. In practice, all it did was increase the various aches he felt in his body.
He struggled not to focus on how absolutely terrible he felt. The longer he'd been in the hospital, the more the pain grew worse. He wondered if this was the end for him. Had he already seen the last of Gibbs in this life? Every day hiding the agony he felt grew harder and harder. He was pretty sure he wasn't fooling Kate anymore, though she tried her best to cheer him up. It sucked.
With the torment intensifying to the point where he could barely breathe, staying positive became beyond difficult. He could feel the depression creeping in and his insecurities started preying on him. His mind wandered to Gibbs, or more specifically the lack thereof for most of Tony's hospital stay so far.
Was Gibbs staying away just to avoid suspicion or do his job? Or was he staying away because he didn't actually care for Tony and couldn't be bothered to pretend even a little? Tony tried to tell himself that his worries were stupid. He tried to tell his brain that Gibbs loved him, but it was hard to believe when he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Gibbs for more than five minutes. Maybe Gibbs really was happy to get rid of Tony.
Neither the doctors nor Kate could do anything for him. He was dying and all he wanted was Gibbs, but he couldn't have him. He wondered how much longer his internal injuries would slowly destroy him from the inside out until he left this world.
"You won't die on me," Gibbs ordered in Tony's ear.
Each word caused Tony to shiver as Gibbs' breath brushed against his skin. Gibbs had come finally. Although, the words weren't what he wanted at all. They did little to ease his insecurities that said Gibbs didn't really want him.
He wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry. He settled for groaning in pain.
Tony heard more words come from Gibbs' mouth, but he couldn't really process them. He thought he heard something about the virus already being dead, but his brain was still stuck on what his boss hadn't said. Did Gibbs care? Or was this just a boss and employee interaction?
Tony hoped for sweet oblivion, but it didn't come. In fact, as the next few days passed he started to feel better. He didn't see Gibbs any more during his last few days in the hospital than he did when he first arrived.
By the time Tony was released from the hospital, the team had already wrapped up the case. Even the paperwork had been completed, well aside from the forms Tony had to fill out about getting the plague. He wasn't looking forward to that nor to people walking around on eggshells around him once he returned to the office.
Tony considered signing himself out against medical advice just to avoid Gibbs picking him up out of obligation. He could curl up in his apartment and feel sorry for himself. He wouldn't have to worry if Gibbs actually cared or was just pretending. Not to mention, he had zero desire to wait for Gibbs and have him not show up. That would hurt even worse than the Marine barely visiting him while he was in the hospital.
Gibbs must have sensed his plans, however, as the older man showed up with clothes for Tony to change into and a signed release slip. Tony accepted the clothes and disappeared into the bathroom. Normally, he would just change in front of Gibbs, but he knew he needed the extra time to get his mask back on. He couldn't let Gibbs know how hurt he really was.
They didn't talk as they exited the hospital. Tony climbed into the passenger seat and braced himself for Gibbs' driving. He knew where they were going. There was no doubt that Gibbs would take him to his, or perhaps theirs was a better word, home.
Gibbs' house wasn't listed as Tony's official address, but that was mostly because they were trying to keep their relationship on the down low at work. Tony spent most of his time at Gibbs' regardless of what was listed in the official documentation. He still spent time at his apartment, but it was rare as he generally only went there to hang out with someone that didn't know about his relationship with Gibbs.
"Are we going to talk about it?" Gibbs asked as he opened the front door.
"Talk about what?" Tony smiled brightly in an attempt to make it seem like everything was fine.
"About whatever is bothering you?"
"I was in the hospital with the plague, Gibbs. I would think it's obvious what's bothering me."
"Nope. Pain doesn't bother you. It never has. Now what's going on?"
Tony sighed and flopped down onto the couch, grabbing the remote and flipping through the TV channels. He really didn't want to talk about it. He knew he was being stupid and that Gibbs did care about him no matter what his brain told him while he was in the hospital.
"Tony. What did I do?" Gibbs almost pleaded.
Only someone who knew him as well as Tony would recognize the tone as the one that meant please just tell me why you're upset so that I can fix it. "Nothing." Tony sighed.
"Tony," Gibbs warned.
"You didn't do anything, Gibbs. That's just it," Tony admitted.
"You know I don't like guessing games. What's going on?"
"I just had a few home truths hammered in during my stay at the hospital that I could have done without."
"Like what?" Gibbs asked, sitting next to Tony and pulling Tony into his arms in a comforting fashion.
"It's stupid."
"Hey!" Gibbs protested. "If it bothers you that much, it's not stupid."
Tony looked away. "I was dying, Gibbs, and you couldn't even take five minutes to say goodbye."
"It would be too suspicious, Tony. You know that. I didn't stop thinking about you the whole time if that helps."
Tony shook his head and leaned back against Gibbs. Before he could figure out what to say to that, the door opened and Kate and McGee walked in. They both paused and stared at Tony and Gibbs in shock. If Tony were feeling better he'd be laughing his ass off at the looks on their faces.
"What?" McGee and Kate chorused.
Tony crossed his arms and glared. "Do we have a problem?" he asked, raising an eyebrow in a dare of sorts. He wasn't up to dealing with their bullshit when he still wasn't emotionally stable after his near death experience.
"No," McGee managed to stutter out. Kate just continued to look at them like they'd lost their minds and she didn't know who they were anymore.
Tony didn't bother to look behind him and see how Gibbs was responding to this. "Look, either come in and sit down so we can talk like civilized people or get the hell out. I'm not up to playing any sort of guessing games with you today." Really he just wanted to get back to his conversation with Gibbs or even better back to Gibbs making it up to him.
McGee seemed to recover first, which surprised Tony a bit. He had expected Kate to get her feet under her faster, but apparently her upbringing hadn't prepared her for something like this. Tony knew this was only the beginning. The worst would come after they left and he had to deal with whatever fall out there was with Gibbs over everything.
"How long have you been together?" McGee asked, interrupting Tony's thoughts.
Tony exchanged a glance with Gibbs and then shrugged half-heartedly. "Since before I joined NCIS?"
Kate blinked. "You bastard."
"Guilty as charged," Gibbs agreed, but Tony could tell that Gibbs wasn't any happier with the interruption.
"What about your rule about dating?" she demanded.
"Doesn't apply. We started dating before we were coworkers."
Kate gave Gibbs the stink eye. "You expect us to believe that Tony doesn't get preferential treatment after this?"
"Did he ever get it beforehand?"
Tony watched McGee pause whatever he had been planning to say as he thought about it. "No. In fact, as the SFA he should probably get more perks than he does."
"Exactly," Gibbs agreed. "I err on the side of caution when it comes to showing Tony any kind of favor in the workplace. He understands."
Oh Tony understood alright, but it still hurt. He couldn't allow Tim or Kate to see the pain, however. That was between himself and Gibbs.
"As you can see, I get plenty of favorable attention at home," Tony responded calmly, knowing that Tim and Kate needed to be able to trust him as their superior officer to handle things calmly and rationally without letting his emotions interfere.
He leaned back into Gibbs and gave the other man a kiss to demonstrate how much he got away with at home. "I don't need Gibbs to be nice to me in the office to know how he feels about me. In fact, I'd rather he be too harsh on me, so that no one ever thinks that I didn't earn my spot."
Kate sputtered, obviously still in shock, "But you're the epitome of a playboy."
Tony rolled his eyes. "It works well as a cover doesn't it? No one would suspect us of shacking up unless they caught us at it like you two have."
"But, but," Kate started.
Tony interrupted her rudely, so beyond done with this conversation. "Did you think I was into you, Katie?" he sneered. "Sorry to break it to you, but I'm actually monogamous in my off time."
"I'm a profile." Kate frowned. "Why couldn't I see through your act?"
"Because you weren't looking in the right places. I knew exactly what you thought and how you expected me to act, so when you expected me to be somewhere I already was that just confirmed your beliefs. Thus you never looked beneath the surface. Just like none of our witnesses or suspects do."
Gibbs grunted in confirmation. "I trust you two know how to keep this to yourselves."
Tony was glad that Gibbs made that statement. He knew they'd take it more seriously from the Marine than from Tony. That was a problem they'd have to deal with eventually, but not today.
"Are you afraid the director will find out?" Tim asked.
"No." Tony shook his head to emphasize the point. "There are still a lot of people that don't approve of relationships between those of the same sex. Not to mention that if it becomes widespread in the office, it's more likely to become known in the world and my job will become a lot harder. I'll suddenly become anathema to everyone, LEOs and civilians alike, due to the prejudice. Something that I would have easily gotten from them with a smile in the past, I'll have to go through a significant amount of red tape to achieve the same goal if it gets out."
Tim looked shocked. "Would they really do that?"
"Enough to be problematic. It's not fair to the victims to make us less effective."
"That's not fair to you and Gibbs, though," Tim protested.
Tony smiled softly at him. "That's the job, Tim. We both knew what we were signing up for."
"It really doesn't make sense," Kate muttered, still struggling.
"Are you still stuck on me not being the womanizing man you thought I was?" Tony probed.
"I don't understand how you can behave like that when you have no interest in the person you're interacting with."
"That's why I'm the undercover expert and not you. It's not all that different from acting. Although, technically I am bi. However, Gibbs is it for me and he knows I won't stray."
"I don't understand," Kate sounded lost.
"No. I don't imagine you do. You've lived a relatively sheltered life, after all." Not to mention her religious beliefs didn't exactly coincide with such lifestyles, but Tony wasn't going to mention that out loud.
"Is this going to be a problem, Kate?" Gibbs leveled a glare at her.
She backed up a little at the intensity of it. "No, Gibbs. I just need some time to wrap my mind around it."
"Take your time," Tony offered. "I'll be on desk duty for a bit. You're welcome to ask me any questions you have. That goes for both of you."
"I might take you up on that," Kate murmured, turning to leave.
McGee glanced between Gibbs, Tony, and Kate. "We're glad to see you're being properly taken care of, Tony. We were all worried about you."
"Thanks, McGeek, but I'm fine now. Don't worry." He wasn't, but he didn't need Tim's pity.
Tony waited until the door closed and then turned to Gibbs. "Well that went better than I expected it to." Tony grinned widely, too wide to be real.
"Idiot," Gibbs patted him lightly on his head. "You know I love you. What do you need from me?"
"Just hold me for now."
"Of course. Rest, Tony."
Tony sighed and let himself relax into Gibbs' hold. Everything wasn't fixed, but Gibbs hadn't run away from telling Kate and McGee about them. That counted for something.
Of course, that didn't mean everything was resolved. Tony still had to figure out a way to not doubt everything just because Gibbs didn't visit him in the hospital while he was ill. They could put on a good show for Tim and Kate, but there were still a lot of things to discuss. He couldn't handle another heavy discussion right now though. The one with Tim and Kate and the unfinished one with Gibbs had tired him out and he quickly fell asleep on Gibbs.
The next morning, Tony woke up in their bed. Gibbs must have carried him there at some point last night. He blinked and opened his eyes to find Gibbs sitting up and staring at him with a cup of coffee already in hands.
"We need to talk."
Tony twitched. "You know those words are usually uttered before someone ends a relationship, right?"
"Come on, Tony. You doubted us. That's not good. We need to fix this."
Gibbs' desire to actually talk about things always took Tony by surprise. That was never how the Marine operated at work. Not to mention the many ex-wives had always complained about Gibbs inability to communicate.
"I'm not sure how," Tony admitted.
"Explain it to me," Gibbs demanded.
"I knew it was stupid even when I was thinking it, but I couldn't stop the thoughts that you didn't care when you were never there for more than the ten minutes it took to give a sitrep."
"I was trying to bring your attempted murderer to justice and maybe get the antidote so that you didn't actually die. You know I don't do well sitting around."
"And I understand that and appreciate the attempts to save me, but I needed you and you weren't there and couldn't be there."
"Oh, Tony." Gibbs pulled Tony into his arms. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you. Usually it doesn't bother you like this."
"I thought I was dying, Gibbs. I didn't want to spend my last moments without you." Tony's voice broke and he curled in on himself.
"We'll do better, Tony," Gibbs promised. "We'll figure this out."
Tony just nodded and hoped that Gibbs was right. He didn't think that he could take it if he ever came close to dying again and Gibbs was once again everywhere except at Tony's side. They had weathered this one, but he really hoped it never happened again.