Work Text:
December 25, 1979
James was sitting by the fireplace at Potter Manner. Looking around at his friends, he smiled. Sirius and Remus snuggled up on a chair looking a new book he revived. They had finally expressed their feeling for one another near the end of 7th year and had been attached at the hip since. Peter was in the Kitchen helping his mum with cookies. James felt warm inside seeing his friends in such a happy, domestic state. He couldn’t help but let his thoughts stray to the younger black sibling. He had invited him to stay at the Manor for the holiday but he had declined. Something about needing to do something over break. In the middle of his musings a tapping sound was heard at the window. Loud enough to draw the attention of all the room’s occupants. Sirius quickly stood up, ”That’s Reg’s owl”. James scrambled up after Sirius who had already made it to the window. Opening the window, the owl flew in did a few rounds then landed on the coffee table. Rushing over Sirius grabbed the letter ripping open to read it. “We haven’t heard from him since before break, what’s the matter?” Remus muttered. It wasn’t like they were on good terms, but he still wrote a letter to Sirius one in a while. Sirius didn’t speak instead he pulled out three, smaller letters. Each addressed to a different person. One for Remus, Sirius and, surprisingly James. Quickly grabbing his own he began to read.
December 23, 1979
Dear James, Wow, that feels weird to write. I am not going to sugar coat this…if you are reading this the chances are that I am dead. I am writing this while preparing to leave. I found out the Dark lord had created Horcruxes and they need to be destroyed. I am not telling anyone where I am going… if mother or father found out I would be hexed and locked in the manor for the rest of my pitiful life. I recently got a hint on where one of them, a locket, is located. I have instructed Zora (my owl) to deliver this if she finds my dead body. This is going to be a long letter… James Fleamont Potter, there are so many things I had wished I could have told you when I was still alive. I have never been someone that was good at sharing emotions… so like a first year hufflepuff girl, I wrote you a song… I just want to tell you how I really feel. And again I am sorry…
James was now gripping the letter in his hands so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. Regulus couldn’t be dead, surely this was just a prank?? He looked over to Sirius and saw that he was in no better condition either. The beginnings of tears forming in his eyes. James looked back at his letter and flipped it over to find the song. He took a deep breath and read.
First things first
We start the scene in reverse
All of the lines rehearsed
Disappeared from my mind
When things got loud
One of us running out
I should've turned around
But I had too much pride
He was taken back to when he had first met Regulus on the train. He was amused by the small, shy Black. The smaller boy was clearly a wallflower in comparison to his brother. Yet he had felt a surge of protectiveness towards the boy. He later realized he had begun to crush on the younger. He tried to push the feelings, away by pretending to be enamored by Lily Evens. But no matter what, his mind always went back to his friend’s little brother.
No time for goodbyes
Didn't get to apologize
Pieces of a clock that lies broken
He couldn’t help but think that somewhere out there, was the body of the small boy he once knew. Only now, cold and dead.
If I could take us back,
if I could just do that
And write in every empty space the words "I love you" in replace
Then maybe time would not erase me
If you could only know I never let you go
And the words I most regret
Are the ones I never meant to leave
Unsaid Jamie
James couldn’t believe what he was reading was true. Regulus had felt the same? He choked a sob. And he only learned about it now after it was too late…
Silent days, mysteries and mistakes
Who'd be the first to break?
I guess we're alike that way
He said, she said conversations in my head
And that's just where they're gonna stay forever
He remembered looking across the great hall just to get a glimpse of the boy, usually huddled with his friends. Smiling at something they had said. One time they had caught eyes, James had never realized how pretty they were. Regulus had been the first to break it, scowling then going back to his own conversation. He now looked back on that day, wondering if it had been a cover, for something more…
If I could take us back,
if I could just do that
And write in every empty space the words "I love you" in replace
Then maybe time would not erase me
If you could only know I never let you go
And the words I most regret
Are the ones I never meant to leave
Unsaid Jamie
James was out-right crying at this point. Never once had he thought his feelings were reciprocated. And now… now the love of his life was gone… James looked back over to Sirius and saw that he and Remus were on the floor. Tears streaming out of Sirius’s eyes. Remus was with him trying to comfort him, but if you looked closely you could see that he was crying as well. James didn’t know if he could do it, but he turned his attention back to his letter. Only a few lines left. He started to read again…
If I could take us back,
if I could just do that
And write in every empty space the words "I love you" in replace
Then maybe time would not erase me
If you could only know I never let you go
And the words I most regret
Are the ones I never meant to leave
Unsaid Jamie
James, I just wanted you to know, even if I never expressed it… I loved you… Even though you were always after that Evens girl, I still loved you. I hope that now that I am gone you can go and start a family with her… One more thing, please take care of Siri, I know my death will be the hardest on him. Please get over me. You have a future ahead of you, I knew I never truly did. Do what I couldn’t, live your life.
Yours truly, R.A.B
James whole body was shaking. Sobs falling freely from his mouth. He felt his knees give out as he fell to the floor. He was gone. Truly gone.
James crawled over to Sirius and hugged him tightly. They were a mess of limbs tears and emotions. At that moment his mom and Peter walked in. She had immediately rushed over the puddle of boys, demanding to know what was wrong. Peter, on the other hand, went over to the letters and read them. He rushed to Mrs. Potter explaining what had transpired soon the entire house was mourning the loss of Regulus Black.
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In the middle of the night, a stag, black dog, rat, and a lanky man were in the woods behind Potter manner. Once the clock struck midnight the dog howled a sad, drawn out howl. The rat and stag bowed their heads in respect. The man set down a collection of stargazer Lilies, chrysanthemums, and crimson roses, at the base of a willow tree. The man took out a pocket knife and began to carve,
Here Regulus A. Black is remembered
A loving brother and friend
May he rest in peace
19XX-1979
The strange group left the forest soon after.
In the days ahead, the death of Regulus Black was officially announced when his family (Kreacher) found his body. It was at the bottom of a lake in a cave. The paper said he drowned doing a dare from a friend. The Marauders knew the real reason. James couldn’t stop thinking about all those times he had heard Reg exclaim that he couldn’t swim to his friends. Joking at the time, yet it had been his downfall. He had probably died panicking. Regulus was officially buried in the garden at the Black manor. Sadly his brother nor his brother’s friends had been able to attend. Though a stag and dog were later spotted nearby.
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In the years that followed, James did end up marrying Lilly Evens-now-Potter, but he never truly loved her like he did Reg. The day his son was born he was rightfully named Harry Regulus Potter. If Lily ever knew the true reason why, she never said anything. Sirius cried when he heard. On the Halloween night that changed the wizarding world, when James felt his life force finally go, he was…relieved. True he was sad to never see his son grow up, he now got to reunite with his first love.
Regulus Black.
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