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It had been going on for a few months. This little affair of theirs. It was a mutual agreement, beneficial for both parties. They both needed someone who would help them release some tension and in the military opportunities were quite limited… so, it was a logical thing to do. And since their schedules were aligned most of the time, they had simply decided to go for it. They were good friends and they were sure that nothing would disrupt this state of things. It was simply about needs and pleasure.
Intimacy came easy for them. It felt natural, almost like a match made in heaven.
And so it was the same this time. They had just returned from a mission and both of them still could feel the adrenaline pumping in their veins. It was only natural for Soap to push his lieutenant against the wall and grind his bulge against the other’s thigh. A deep groan escaped his throat as his hands wandered and explored Ghost’s chest under his shirt. They were sweaty and dirty but none of them cared. Lust was all that mattered.
Soap left wet kisses all over the other’s shoulders and collarbones. He couldn’t forget about Ghost’s lips, giving them a sloppy and wet treatment. He was so desperate that he couldn’t even bother with swaying up the balaclava. Soap took the lieutenant's gloved hand and pressed it against his hard groin.
“Can ye feel whit ye dae tae me, Lt.?” He growled against Ghost’s mask. His accent got thicker as it always did during intense situations. And only a weak, needy whimper answered him.
Oh, he could feel how hard Soap was alright.
Ghost would go weak in the knees right there and then, if it weren’t for the sergeant’s firm grasp on his body. It wasn’t easy to think under these circumstances. And usually, he didn't have to. He could trust Soap with everything.
Johnny’s fingers, lips, eagerness... it all made Ghost weak. The Scot never failed to get him all hot and bothered within seconds. They knew each others’ bodies inside out after all.
And their meetings were usually about it - sex and pleasure. They still spent plenty of quality time together, just enjoying each other’s company. But even then, often, one thing led to another.
And everything was going great… in theory.
“Johnny…” Simon managed to stutter out in between kisses, moans, and gasps. His voice was heavy with lust. This once, he had other plans for this meeting of theirs. “I really need to talk to you.”
“Aye, but cannae it wait? Ye wanted tae see me so here I am," the shorter man grumbled as his mouth stayed close to the other’s chest, almost glued to it.
And how he loved this chest.
He could spend days worshipping it. That’s why he always took his time with it. Ghost’s body differed from other guys in the military. He was bigger, for one, and softer. Simply perfect. And yet, his body was still strong. He had won many sparring matches with Soap.
Sometimes, because he had bested the sergeant. But other times, John had just felt like letting the other have a head start so he could feel that strong body pressed against his.
The other thing he loved about Ghost’s torso was his nipples. He always paid extra attention to them since the day he had found out how sensitive they were. But in all honesty, Ghost’s whole body was worthy of this kind of treatment. Every single fiber of his body. Even Simon’s face which Soap had seen exactly once. Not more.
Ghost usually revealed only the lower half of his face during their meetings and Soap didn’t mind. All he had was a memory of that one time and he cherished it. He also didn’t feel like it was his place to ask for anything more.
Today he felt like worshipping one thing in particular. He was going down, lower and lower with his hot mouth until he ended up on his knees, before his lieutenant. His cheek pressed to the other’s crotch and he could feel the other’s palpable excitement through the tight material.
“Johnny…” Simon spoke up again, in a more authoritative manner. How he managed to keep his composure - was a mystery. The sight before him was breathtaking. He reached out with his gloved fingers to Soap’s chin and lifted it. An affectionate gesture, so natural to them both. Their eyes met. “I’m serious.”
He truly didn’t want to stop this, it physically hurt, but he had been gathering courage for quite some time now. And there was no going back.
Soap tilted his head in confusion but he obeyed and slowly rose from the kneeling position. It must have been important if Simon was eager to let this opportunity slip.
“Wha's up? Ye alright, Lt.?” Confusion gave way to concern in his expression. They were still friends, they cared deeply about each other. The closest thing to a family they both had.
“Yes. No... I mean-” Simon fell silent. He pinched the bridge of his nose, internally scolding himself. “Fucking hell.”
And it really made John worry at this point. Ghost, who was usually a collected man of few words, but who always knew what to say, was somehow failing at building a coherent sentence.
Soap’s hand rested on the other’s bicep with a reassuring squeeze. Simon appreciated it. It was always the small things. They made Johnny feel like home. They made Simon fall in love with him in the first place.
Or at least so he thought. He never was in love with anyone, it was an alien feeling. He didn’t let anyone get that close to him. For the closest people could hurt you the most. But with Johnny… it was different. Everything was easy. Or as easy as it could get with the way they lived their lives.
Simon felt as if he was about to suffocate. With one smooth motion, he took off his balaclava. He kept his eyes glued to the floor. Soap’s eyes widened. He didn’t say anything, he just stared in amazement. Now, this was getting serious. He knew he was about to speak with Simon. Not Ghost.
“I’ll just say it.” Simon shrugged. Not a sign of indifference, it was more of an attempt to ease some of the tension in his shoulders. He finally raised his gaze to meet Soap’s worried eyes. “Johnny, I love you.”
Silence. Soap simply stared.
“I think I have for some time now...” Simon felt the need to fill this silence with words. Any words. “I know that sex wasn’t supposed to interfere with our friendship. And it didn’t. I just… Hell, I really don’t know how or why it happened.”
More silence. Soap wouldn’t even meet his eyes. Simon’s panic was rising, his breaths became more erratic. He felt like he was about to die.
“You showed me what life is about. It’s not about waiting for death. I finally understood it’s about making the best of what you have,” he paused. He could have sworn his heart was about to jump out of his chest. “And you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
Simon wanted to reach out, wanted to touch and feel the other’s man body. He was desperately seeking familiarity and closeness. But he knew Johnny. He knew how to read him. And he knew that, in that moment, his touch wasn’t welcome. And he knew he should just shut his mouth. But he couldn’t.
“And you’re the most important person in my life. I love listening to you talk, I love our banters, and I love the way you make a room light up with your presence. I love how you are willing to protect your people, and how loyal and dedicated you are. You’ve changed my life.”
He had to pause. The silence from the other was unbearable. He couldn’t take it anymore.
“Johnny, please, say something,” he almost pleaded with his weak voice. “I love you.”
Soap’s mind was racing. Too many thoughts at a clip. It didn’t feel real. Nothing did. How did they end up here? It never was supposed to happen. They weren’t supposed to happen.
His eyes finally met Simon’s. The sergeant’s face was one of a beaten puppy. Full of regret. And then Simon already knew.
“It’ll pass.”
Just like that. Nothing more, nothing less.
None of them was brave enough to speak again. Was there anything more to say anyway?
Simon could feel his heart breaking. Part by part. What a goddamn fool he was. He should have never said anything. What did he think would happen? He was used to his life being a neverending sequence of pain so why did he even bother?
Instead, he probably just managed to push away the only person who had been standing by his side for years. The only person that made him feel like he could let down his guard. And his mask.
The only person that was his real friend. His family.
“Right,” he finally spoke up. He cleared his throat as he straightened up, still standing between Soap and the wall. He felt trapped and heartbroken. He really couldn’t stay here any longer. “I should go.”
And with that, he passed the sergeant, heading towards the door. He put on his balaclava.
Soap could only follow him with his eyes. He couldn’t move.
The door slammed shut.
Johnny was left behind, alone in his room. And his heart ached. For Simon.
Not because he couldn’t reciprocate his feelings.
But because he knew, all too well, how hard burying them down is.
And he knew it was the right thing to do, for the sake of them both. No matter how much it hurt. And so he could only hope that Simon would understand one day. And maybe forgive him.