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Chapter Text

Note to self… be aware when crossing the street.

Truck-Kun is real!

‘Sandu Shengshou’ was a gay romance revenge Wuxia novel of the Xianxia variety.

To be more specific, ‘Sandu Shengshou’ (If excluding the plot holes, the size of China that only he seemed to have an issue with!) was an adequate story with a good plot and pacing (Depending on who you asked, because if you asked him -which people rarely if ever do- he wouldn’t mind giving you thirty-page long rant about how much the story, even if adequate, sucked). Defeating cool creatures, War shining on the horizon and sweeping the whole Cultivation world, betrayal with an incomparably ridiculous amount of angst and pain that were not the least bit fun; the only reason that anyone persisted in reading the story was the sweet moments between the MC and ML (As few as they were!).

Needless to say, it was the most popular Xianxia novel of the year without an equal!

(Again! It depends on who you ask!)

The book's Protagonist, ‘Jiang Cheng’, courtesy name ‘Jiang Wanyin’, almost toes the path of the proud dragon of the skies not much but enough (The honor of the overpowered Mary Sue status went to his Shixiong, which he would talk about more, just not now). Yet, he managed to trend with tens of thousands of readers in the Literature world, inspiring countless other novels to follow in its footsteps.

Jiang Wanyin walked the path between dark and light, a bitter path he was thrust into because the closest person to him betrayed him and stabbed him in the back, but even after all the bitterness and darkness the world threw at him; turning him into some grey lotus type of hero, the Protagonist still held onto his beliefs and refused to be shaken.

Now, let an expert reader of this novel, Lan Zhan, say that at first, he was happy and content when reading the book; better angst and war and whump-brimming novel than a YY-type novel (That filled the whole literary world, damn!) that would have ruined the adequate plot and pacing. So let this humble reader omit the countless pointless details and concisely summarize the incompetent novel for the wider audience, and make you understand why he found many faults in this novel.

The Protagonist, Jiang Wanyin, was neither the spoiled Young Master, who got back at every slight, no matter how minor, nor the humble kind who started with nothing only to work his way up. He was not the kind of lead who was a charismatic extrovert or a deranged killer (The honor went to his Shixiong, whom he was going to talk about in a few seconds), but he was the kind who stood against injustice and tried to do what was right.

Born as the heir to one of the five prominent Cultivation Clans of the Cultivation world, the Yunmeng Jiang Clan, which was based in Lotus Pier, a place considered a heaven on earth by many mortals and Cultivators alike. Jiang Wanyin was born in a time when prosperity and peace reigned over the Cultivation world, as the youngest and only son of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect Leader, Jiang Fengmian, the infamous Violet Spider Yu Ziyuan, and the younger brother of Jiang Yanli.

From a young age, Jiang Wanyin trained to be one of the best Cultivators in their generation, shedding tears and sweat to become recognized and make his parents proud; only to be ignored by his parent, who only ever talked about one thing and one thing only. ‘Wei Wuxian’, his much more talented and genius Shixiong, who was unmatched by anyone. But even then, after all the hardship and troubles his Shixiong threw them in, Jiang Wanyin still loved his Shixiong greatly and looked up to him as an example of what a Cultivator should be, the essence of the Jiang’s Clan motto ‘To attempt the impossible’.

One would think Jiang Wanyin's woes were nonexistent because he was the son of the Jiang Clan leader. But joke on them, as it was later revealed how cold and miserable the Protagonist’s life was under his strict household and even stricter mother, who tried to shape him into something he was not.

The only light in his poor, miserable life was his Shixiong, Wei Wuxian (Who was like an older brother he always looked up to), and his older sister Jiang Yanli, who even when she was not of a strong disposition or had unparalleled talents; her kindness and gentleness, made him knew the taste of warmth and love. But his sister’s love aside, not even she could do anything against their mother, Yu Ziyuan.

With an absent father who disliked him and tended to turn a blind eye to his Shixiong’s escapades and secretly pay for any damage he dealt, then turned around and treated Jiang Wanyin much more severely. Yu Ziyuan, his mother, took this as a challenge to shape and break Jiang Wanyin into something that would make his father, Jiang Fengmian, finally pay attention to them, and even though Jiang Wanyin never said anything against the harsh treatment,t thought it was normal at that time. The truth still stands: Yu Ziyuan was the main villain of Jiang Wanyin’s first big arc.

After a rough childhood filled with absent and abusive parents, Jiang Wanyin managed to reach fifteen years of age as a bright young man with a promising Cultivator; the story started when the Protagonist and his Shixiong were invited to attend the Cloud Recesses lessons alongside other prominent children. This would be Jiang Wanyin's first debut in the cultivation world and the moment to lay good friendship foundations to gain allies for the future… only it ended up being the first rock in his path, thanks to his beloved Shixiong…

Breaking countless rules throughout his stay and dragging Jiang Wanyin with him on his misadventures even against his protest; Wei Wuxian drew the anger of the acting Sect Leader Lan Qiren and the Second Jade of Lan, Lan Wangji, and getting them punished more than once because of his wild nature that refused to be curbed even when Jiang Wanyin scolded his Shixiong many times trying to reign him in.

But then his Shixiong ended up punching Jin Zixuan’s nose, his sister’s fiancé, and broke off the years-long engagement of his Shijie, and later got thrown out of Cloud Recesses in shame, leaving Jiang Wanyin alone to receive much criticism and mockery for Wei Wuxian’s actions.

The only bright spot in this arc was the Protagonist in one of his escape attempts (To get peace and avoid the Jins who took to bullying him) met the ML in the library, where the two of them would spend the rest of his stay in Cloud Recesses meeting there, to talk and debate about many subjects, stories, and the likes, getting closer and closer by the end Of Jiang Wanyin's stay, planting the seed of love in Jiang Wanyin’s bruised heart.

It was, unfortunately, not the first nor last time that Wei Wuxian would get himself in trouble and drag Jiang Wanyin or his Sect with him. The first was during a Cultivation Conference in Qishan, when he not only insulted Wen Chao, the son of the Chief Cultivator, but also humiliated him in a way that made Wen Chao attack them, which was stopped by Lan Wangji, who came to their rescue. To make things even worse, Wei Wuxia, in front of every prominent Cultivator, dared to snatch the Second Jade's forehead ribbon, committing a taboo by ignoring how sacred the forehead ribbon was to the Lan Clan and how only one's family and spouses had the right to take it off.

This was not the last of the Wei Wuxian problems, as not that much later, because of his beloved Shixiong, the Wen came for Lotus Pier, setting the place up in flames and taking Jiang Fengmian, Madam Yu, and many innocent lives in the attack.

Even then, Jiang Wanyin never truly blamed his Shixiong, even after all the pain Wei Wuxian put them through, so when they escaped and the Wen almost caught them in the marketplace, Jiang Wanyin could only do the impossible to protect his Shixiong. The price for Wei Wuxian’s future? His painstakingly developed Cultivation and Golden Core.

In his fragile and grieving state, Jiang Wanyin never questioned how he found himself in one of the Wens’ outposts in Yiling; he never questioned why Wen Qing, Wen Rouhan’s niece, was standing beside Wei Wuxian. Everything was blurry. His grief for his parents, his Clan, his Sect, and his Golden Core overcame his suspicious nature and common sense.

But then one day, his Shixiong came to tell him of a way to restore his Golden Core, and that was the Immortal Baoshan Sanren; filled with joy and a new hope, Jiang Wanyin once more followed his Shixiong blindly, doing everything he could to receive the miracle that was his Golden Core back.

Then Wei Wuxian disappeared before Jiang Wanyin returned with Baoshan Sanren's blessing and a new Golden Core; then the war started against Qishan Wen Clan, stretching Jiang Wanyin thin as he spent months searching for his missing Shixiong, trying to regain Yunmeng back, fighting the war, and tracking Wen Chao and Wen Zhuliu to kill them and take revenge for the pain and death his Clan suffered at their hands.

Just when Jiang Wanyin lost hope of ever finding his Shixiong, Wei Wuxian returned to the Cultivation world, but this time… this time, he did something so unorthodox that made everyone almost kill him; Practicing Demonic Cultivation, an act that was the Jiang Clan’s doom and the reason for Jiang Yanli’s death.

Wei Wuxian tortured, killed, and revived the dead to torture and kill their past loved ones. During the war, He used psychological and musical warfare, harming every being that was in his path. He desecrated corpses, did not observe the proper rites, and had sunken into the depths of the unorthodox path to emerge as the monster of legends.

Even after all this being thrown in his face, Jiang Wanyin tried with all his might to protect his Shixiong from the Cultivation world that, after the war, turned its eyes on Yunmeng and gazed at them like they were going to be the new Qishan Wen. Jiang Wanyin tried, struggling every second with politics, his Shixiong’s wild nature and disregard for rules, and the rebuilding of his Sect.

It was only when he saw how his Shixiong made many unwanted advances toward Lan Wangji, going as far as cornering him and saying concerning things after Jiang Wanyin told him about his plan of proposing to the Second Jade, that Jiang Wanyin started to become suspicious of his Shixiong and extremely concerned for his beloved, that he was about to accept Gusu Lan’s proposal for his Shixiong to stay there until he returned to the righteous path.

In the end, the choice was taken from his hands once again by Wei Wuxian, who betrayed the Cultivation world and freed the Wen, going with them to the Burial Mounds to build his army of corpses and restart the war with the Cultivation world to create his Empire, like Wen Rouhan tried to do once upon a time.

His Shixiong destroyed what little was left of Jiang Wanyin's hope of resolving this madness by betraying their Sect, cutting every tie with his allies and friends, siding with the evil, and becoming the Yiling Laozu, the harbinger of death.

Just when things couldn’t get any worse, Wei Wuxian went berserk, killing off his sister’s husband and then his sister, leaving their son an orphan at the age of one month. Then he kidnapped Lan Wangji to the Burial Mounds to turn him into a fierce corpse like the Ghost General Wen Ning, all of that after killing more than five thousand Cultivators in Nightless City.

It was then that Jin Guangyao finally came to Jiang Wanyin with evidence of Wei Wuxian's many hidden crimes, such as working with the Wens all along, being the mastermind of Lotus Pier's downfall, and how he planned to kill the previous Sect Leader and Madam to size Lotus Pier for himself, and many other crimes that left the Cultivation world seething.

After witnessing this, Jiang Wanyin couldn’t lie to himself anymore, and say that the monster in front of him was his beloved Shixiong; so, with anger in his heart and rage in his veins, Jiang Wanyin, Sandu Shengshou, gathered the rest of the Clans to lay a siege on the Burial Mounds to save his beloved and kill the evil Yilin Laozu who took everything from him.

After a hard battle that lasted for days, where Wei Wuxian taunted Jiang Wanyin and exposed the rotten truth of how much he hated Jiang Wanyin, seething about how a weak worm like him could be a Clan leader when a son of heaven such as Wei Wuxian had to be content to roll over and listen to him. Heartbroken and angry, Jiang Wanyin dragged his tired body and sliced through Wei Wuxian using Zidian in a heroic move. But before Wei Wuxian died, filled with anger and resentment against Jiang Wanyin, he destroyed the Stygian Tiger Seal he created, resulting in an explosion that destroyed the cave they were in.

But what happened next? Well, of course, the Protagonist's golden halo would shine, and the ML would show up and save his beloved! Late, after the death of the Scum Villain, they would share a kiss during sunset and marry each other to live happily ever after!

“Shitty author, shitty novel!” Lan Zhan’s famous last words as he took his last breath.

Now, you might be wondering how he found himself in this ridiculous situation. Well, let him tell you how. After finishing that subpar novel, Lan Zhan ended up throwing the nasty book as far away from him as he could, feeling a rage so strong that he almost spat a fountain of blood. Growling, Lan Zhan sent a harsh glare toward the book lying innocently on the ground, almost spitting on it before he forced himself to calm down and not do something that he would regret later.

Grumbling to himself, Lan Zhan stood from his bed and went to take his wallet, planning on walking to the supermarket and buying something to eat, hoping that the walk would calm his nerves down least he went on the official website of the shitty author and criticize the hell out of them for such shitty writing that was filled with so many plot holes and incoherent babbles that Lan Zhan wondered if the author had given up on the novel in the middle of the story and just added whatever the readers liked and be done with it.

Like what was Wei Wuxian’s backstory other than him being an unrepenting Scum Villain? Who was Baoshan Sanren, and how did Wei Wuxian find her when it was said she disappeared from the Cultivation world and was never seen again? How did Jiang Wanyin regain his Golden Core? Why would Wei Wuxian help Jiang Wanyin in regaining his core when he hated him so much? How could Wei Wuxian work with the Wens when most of his life was spent in Lotus Pier and his only meeting with them was during the Cultivation Conference? And most importantly, how could he be the mastermind behind the massacre of Lotus Pier? Wasn’t he sixteen at that time??!! So many questions keep cropping up one after the other, with so few answers, and it was all because of the hack author rushing through the story and giving a nonsensical ending!

So why? Why did Lan Zhan start this book, even going so far as to read it to the very end? Don’t misunderstand, Lan Zhan did not enjoy degrading himself like this; he was not like that strange masochistic classmate of his, Shen Yuan or something (Who read Papapa for the plot, like seriously?!), and he definitely had a thousand other things he could have done instead of reading this good-for-nothing novel.

Thinking about it now, Lan Zhan could only curse his stupid classmate (That annoying Shen Yuan!) who talked about this story with such enthusiasm that it filled Lan Zhan with excitement to read the novel. Amazing plot? Good pacing? Great characters? A relatable Protagonist? Good mystery? Beautiful romance? His ass!

Out of every shitty book he read, this one took the cake and went as far as making his blood boil until he thought he would snap and commit murder! Preferably killing that idiot Shen Yuan who didn’t know what a good novel was even if it punched him in the face and broke his nose! Lan Zhan was even convinced that his classmate was the hack author who wrote this incoherent piece of literature that Lan Zhan was embarrassed to call novel, squinting his eyes Lan Zhan focused on the title.

<<Sandu Shengshou>> Author: Yī Wèn Sānbùzhī.

Yeah… probably something that his classmate would write, but it was the author’s name that made him not that confident in his assumption because want it or not, Shen Yuan would never have chosen a name like this with his weird taste in novels, and the sheer amount of Papapa he devoured daily while trying to trick Lan Zhan that he does it for the plot (As if!). Just look at that weirdo’s account! Who named themselves ‘Peerless Cucumber’? Idiots who read a novel with 6666+ chapters about Papapa, written by idiots who named themselves ‘Airplane Shooting Toward The Sky’, apparently…

Not a few steps away from his home toward the supermarket, Lan Zhan was greeted by the screeching of tires followed by blaring horns; a pair of bright, blinding lights, and then, agony, as a thousand-metric-ton of moving steel smashed into his body, sending him flying into the air, bones shattered to smithereens.

As Lan Zhan lay there, on the asphalt, most definitely bleeding out, he couldn’t help but curse a storm in his head; it was all that hack author’s fault that he was in this situation. To make things even more humiliating, Lan Zhan couldn’t help but seethe that he couldn’t even die probably without succumbing to a fucking meme. It was all this hack author’s fault! Lan Zhan cursed as darkness greeted him…

Seriously, Lan Zhan felt like he could come back to life from the sheer power of rage!

In the endless darkness, a mechanical voice sounded in his ear; the tone reminded him of Google Translate. Not knowing what was going on and still reeling from the fact that he died by the wheels of Truck-Kun, Lan Zhan remained quiet in the dark. Lan Zhan looked around the pitch-black place he found himself in; it was like he was floating in virtual space. When the voice spoke again, it came from all directions.

“What the…?”

“Wangji, Wangji!” A frantic voice called out, holding a note of concern and a touch of hysteria; Lan Zhan, who was lying on something hard (And not his fluffy mattress that was like a cloud) scrunched his nose, almost turning away from the caller and buried his head once again in his pillow, thinking about it for a second, why was his fluffy pillow so hard it almost broke his neck? “Wangji, can you hear me?” The voice persisted, this time with a hand that came to shake his shoulder.

Feeling confused, dizzy, and out of it, Lan Zhan shuddered awake, slowly coming back to the land of the living; it took time before Lan Zhan managed to open his eyelids, and when he did, he almost let out a confused ‘Huh?’ at the sight that greeted him.

What in the name of every Zhongdian literature was going on here?!!!!

He was lying on a bed, that much Lan Zhan could comprehend; a nice and cozy canopy bed with a wide spread of white muslin and exquisite scented sachets hanging from the four corners at the top of the bed. Looking down at himself, he saw that he was wearing white and blue clothes sewn to replicate ancient fashion robes.

“Wangji!” The voice that persisted almost shouted, and a figure of a man appeared in Lan Zhan’s vision, almost making him shriek and karate chop the man before kicking him in the nuts to escape. Who the hell was this man?!!! It was only the shock and the tears in the man’s eyes that made him freeze in his place, not moving even as the man called out to him, looking closer to tears every time Lan Zhan refused to answer.

Looking at the man (Which he now studied more, Gods, does the man look like him or something? If Lan Zhan was a little bit taller and had long hair, he would almost look like a copy of the man) Lan Zhan pressed his lips tightly when he noticed the ancient robes and the headband (Ribbon) with the motive of clouds on it.

Lan Zhan’s brain worked overtime with the speed of light, trying to make sense of what he was seeing; all his mind could make a connection was. Truck-Kun + Death + Strange voice from the abyss + Strange room that looked ancient + A man wearing ancient robes = Transmigration! This equation made Lan Zhan close his eyes and count to ten, trying to stop himself from letting out curses that would make the man in front of him call for help and tell the people around that he was possessed.

Breaking out in cold sweats, Lan Zhan opened his eyes and looked at the man, wondering what he should call him and what their relationship was. Feeling dread crawling up his spine, and cursing Truck-Kun inside his heart, Lan Zhan let out a choked “Mn.” Sound, not wanting to say something that would tip the man off and make him summon the rest of his people to burn him alive like a witch.

This seemed to be the right response, as the man’s eyes flashed with relief and happiness before he asked. “Wangji is finally awake! Is there any discomfort in your body?” Hearing that name, he squinted his eyes to study the robes on the man in front of him (And having the first words coming into his mind be ‘Mourning Clothes’) before his eyes darted to the ribbon with clouds on it.

The picture painted in his mind brought nothing but dread as he felt himself choking on the words. “……Nothing is wrong.” Trying to breathe deeply and rise from his lying position. Seeing this, the man reached out his hand and slowly lifted him up, letting him rest against the headboard. Begging every God out there he could remember, and hoping that this was nothing but a vivid dream or that Lan Zhan somehow found himself in a filming site (Or someone was playing a prank on him), he looked at the man and said. “Where is this?” Praying in his heart that the answer he was going to receive was not the one that was in his mind.

Surprised and confused, the man tilted his head before saying. “Wangji, did the Qi Deviation leave you so disoriented and out of it that you didn’t recognize your Jingshi?” Having his suspicions confirmed didn’t stop his heart from receiving a shock that made him tilt to the side, almost falling off the bed, which made the man squeak in alarm and call out “Wangji!” Before jumping and holding him tightly.

Truck-Kun, you piece of shit! You are working under that useless hack of author Yī Wèn Sānbùzhī, aren’t you?! Lan Zhan’s soul shrieked, as his heart cried rivers of pain and regret when everything clicked in his brain; the man holding him and passing him Qi (Which felt like a cold stream of water sliding up his hand and circulating through his body, making him shiver at the foreign sensation) could only be one person and one person only.

“Xiongzhang?” Lan Zhan inquired, still holding on to the sliver of denial that this was all just an elaborate joke produced by his brain on his dying bed, and not him being transmigrated into this, of all places. Suddenly, as soon as he said this, a ‘Ding’ made its presence known, and the mechanical Google Translation voice he heard in the void sounded again, this time loud and proud, and screaming in his mind… what the hell? Are they doing telepathy now?!!!!

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck! Blared in Lan Zhan’s mind as every shred of denial and hope he managed to accumulate had vanished with the appearance of the flying screen not that far away, bringing Lan Zhan’s worst nightmare to life! ‘Why the fuck are you here?’ Lan Zhan screamed in his mind, not outward, of course, in fear that the man whom he finally placed as Lan Xicheng would know he was possessed and kill him.

That almost made Lan Zhan’s world tilt, tears shining in his eyes as he was almost ugly sobbed his way into death once more at the realization that he died at the wheels of Truck-Kun (A fucking meme!) and transmigrated into the most hated novel he had the misfortune of reading!

Stop! Stop! Enough! Lan Zhan understands, he understands! He transmigrated into the shitty novel he had just finished reading, a subpar novel with many plot holes the size of China that it was a miracle Lan Zhan managed to rein himself in enough to finish reading. In addition, he seemed to bring out a freaky system with him, too! To make matters even worse, Lan Zhan did not transmigrate into a nameless NPC where he could escape this madness and live the rest of his life away from the war that was going to sweep over the Cultivation world; No! It was worse, Lan Zhan transmigrated as Lan Wangji! The Protagonist's husband, and most importantly, the obsession of the Scum Villain who would kidnap Lan Wangji, tortured him by giving him 33 lashes with the Discipling whip, then tried to kill him to create a fierce corpse so he would never leave him!

Lan Zhan was doomed! Why do things like this happen to innocent people like him? He wanted a refund, a refund he says! It was all that Shen Yuan’s fault! Lan Zhan wept rivers of tears inside his heart, cursing Shen Yuan in his soul, hoping he would suffer for the rest of his life… I curse you, Shen Yuan! I hope you choke to death and transmigrate into that stupid Papapa novel you love so much as the Scum Villain and suffer at the hands of the Protagonist and his Heavenly Pillar! I curse you! Thousand deaths, thousand deaths I say!

….(In another universe; a poor man by the name of Shen Yuan died by choking on a Mantou at this precise moment, his rage and indignity at the end of the shitty novel he was reading was enough to give him enough merits to transmigrate into the same novel he died cursing, bounding him to the role of the Scum Villain who was going to be turned into a human stick in the near future.)…

“Xiongzhang… please leave…” Lan Zhan finally dared to say, almost breaking down and sobbing at the dark fate waiting for him. The man, whom Lan Zhan managed to place as Lan Xicheng, Gusu Lan Sect Leader (Future Sect Leader), perked up before looking at Lan Zhan with so much hurt, like Lan Zhan had just kicked his puppy in front of his eyes.

“B-but, Wangji-Didi… you are still unwell, I can't leave you alone!” Lan Zhan almost flinched at the name, cold sweat started sliding down his neck, and he almost started hyperventilating, his eyes not leaving the floating screen, which refused to disappear.

“Leave.” Lan Zhan repeated. He didn’t know what expression painted his face, but it was enough that Lan Xicheng opened his mouth and closed it several times, giving a sharp nod, before standing and walking toward the door, pausing for a bit.

“I will return at night with Shufu.” That was Lan Xicheng’s parting words as the man left the room, leaving Lan Zhan lying on the bed, looking at the canopy, trying to think of his next move to save himself from this madness.

Lan Zhan could only turn and hide his face in his pillow before he screamed…