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The party was boring as Inés expected. Filled with pandering and falsities that made her so disgusted with the capital’s high society. Cárcel was able to accompany her due to a short leave from the navy and she was not too ashamed to admit she was using him as a shield. Inés might have been the star of high society at one point but in this life she found herself exhausted by it.
Thankfully, Cárcel took to his shield duties with gusto. Probably, happy to keep men interested in interacting with the newly beautiful Crow away from her.
She was watching the dancing with vague interest, sipping on a glass of water, when something changed.
Cárcel stiffens.
It’s barely noticeable. The only reason Inés noticed was her hold on his elbow and the long hours of watching him in close quarters at their small cottage near the navy’s port. She knew exactly what Cárcel relaxed looked like and it was not this.
It’s a small movement. His spine slightly stiffened, his elbow tightening on her hand, and most of all, as she looked up at him, his face transformed.
Cárcel was always more expressive than Inés, with smiles and frowns spreading across his face as soon as he felt an emotion. Yet, there were times he became inscrutable. Times when she watched him smoke on the balcony where he looked upon the world with complete apathy.
The expression he had on now wasn’t that blank apathy but it was just as inscrutable.
He was smiling. A small barely there smirk with his eyelids lowered darkening his gaze.
It was a gaze she had seen in the bedroom many times. One she guiltily reacted to, but there was something different about this expression, a deadness to his gaze, that made her stomach twist.
She turned her attention to the person he was conversing with. A woman, maybe a little less than a decade older than them. She was beautiful in a carefully curated way most women in their social strata were.
Inés watched as the woman got closer than what was socially appropriate, her hand approaching Cárcel as she giggled.
Inés ignored the woman’s flirtations, instead, she focused on Cárcel who carefully dodged the woman’s hand.
She felt disquiet and something visceral as she watched Cárcel’s body language increasingly tighten yet his face continued to stay in that come hither expression.
He laughed. A low rumble of enjoyment that caused multiple women to gasp around them and the bothersome woman to fan herself.
Inés instantly hated that laugh. Cárcel truly laughed in short gasping bursts that made it seem like he was hyperventilating. She had made him laugh many times, often on accident, and his laugh was an ugly thing that was so much more real than this falseness in front of her.
Inés finally intervened when the woman tried to touch Cárcel again. Cárcel took a step back. His foot inching away from the woman. Inés had never once seen her husband retreat from someone. She had watched him over the course of multiple lives always facing things head-on. She had watched him stand up to many people including the very prince of their nation.
Yet this woman made him retreat and Inés could no longer watch her husband become a fake caricature of himself.
Inés caught the woman’s hand while quickly giving Cárcel a look, warning him not to intervene, “I do apologize Señora, but I’ve made a rule that my husband cannot touch anyone other than me,” she gave an insincere smile to the stunned woman, “you understand as someone married yourself” with a pointed look at the ring on the woman’s finger.
Not Inés’ best work and much more blatant than she would like but she wanted this woman away from her husband. She had a good excuse as jealousy would always be the first thing people see in any rebuffing of women from Inés’ too-gorgeous husband. She would use that preconception to her advantage. When in reality she wanted her husband away from this woman who made him uncomfortable in a manner Inés was altogether too familiar with.
The woman flushed, “I apologize Señora Valeztena,” using Iñes maiden name. How petty Inés thought in amusement, “But your husband is just too charming, I couldn’t help myself and you’ve been keeping him all to yourself for the past few months. Do share with us forlorn ladies.”
Ah, now Cárcel is an object to pass around. Inés was rapidly finding this lady just as odious as the men who lusted after Inés’ body while degrading her conservative dress.
“You will find yourself having to wait awhile more as my husband and I were just about to retire for the night. He had a long day at training and I want him to get some rest.” Inés draped her arm across his chest in put-upon worry.
Cárcel jerked his head towards her, “We wer—?“ Inés stepped on his foot, “Oh yes! we are quite tired from our busy day, do accept my apologies.” Cárcel quickly recovered and gave a gentlemanly bow to the woman and the audience of eavesdroppers.
Inés continued the farce, “Cárcel we should say goodbye to our hosts, please excuse us Señora”.
She still didn’t know the woman’s name but she would find it out so she could keep an eye on her. And to keep her away from Cárcel.
They quickly gave their required goodbyes and boarded their carriage.
Inés watched as Cárcel visibly relaxed once they were sequestered away from watchful eyes.
Eyes, Inés realized, that watched Cárcel just as much as they watched her and with darkness, she hadn’t truly thought affected him too. She had thought of Cárcel as having an easy time navigating high society. His family and his prestige as a military officer already gave him an advantage while his gender meant he avoided many pitfalls women with high status, like Inés, could not escape.
At least that’s what Inés assumed. Now she wasn’t so sure.
If this was a year ago or even a few months ago Inés probably would have ignored it as she ignored other people’s problems which had become increasingly minuscule and, dare she say it, predictable as her lives passed her by.
Inés knew she was selfish. Selfish like most people with their tragedies dominating their lives and others’ tragedies were given a passing glance and the occasional sad commentary.
Yet, Cárcel had rapidly become someone who she wanted to be selfish for. Selfish in ways that would not only ruin her but also ruin him. Even with all her past lives warning her about the dangers of being selfish, Inés turned to her husband.
“Are you alright?”
An innocuous question but one that instantly made Cárcel stiffen. Inés watched in fascination as his face flashed through multiple expressions eventually landing on clueless.
Sky blue eyes wide with a dumb smile on his face he happily replied, “Of course! Thank goodness you found an excuse to leave early! I was starting to get stuffy.”
It’s times like these when she watches her husband practically fold into himself, his eyes becoming innocent, his shoulders slumping inwards with put-upon weakness, that she wondered about how much of his behavior was a facade to fool people. People dismissed Cárcel easily. Any military achievement was fake. Any scholarly achievement was nepotism. Just a pretty face for society to goggle at.
Inés stared at that pretty face. A face she also once believed was the sum of Cárcel.
We are more alike than I want to admit. Inés mused as she remembered all the ways she once changed herself to fit into expectations.
“That woman,” she started and Cárcel’s eyes instantly lost their innocent wideness, “she made you uncomfortable.”
Inés hesitated. She always approached problems with solutions, “…Cárcel are there any women you would like me to keep away from you? Maybe we could develop a sign or..” she quickly started mumbling ideas.
“Inés” she jerked away from Cárcel’s suddenly close face, “what are you talking about? I wasn’t uncomfortable.”
He smiled widely, “It’s just at times ladies become a bit too enthusiastic. The curse of having such beauty.” He laughed waving his hand. His laugh was a low rumble instead of gasping.
She felt her stomach twist, “Don’t lie to me,” She snapped back, “I know you well enough to know that you hated her so close to you.”
Cárcel looked at her. She looked back.
She glared, “Don’t you dare,” and was instantly hugged by her overly enthusiastic husband.
“Inés! Say you know me well again! You’re so adorable!”
Pushing his face away she grumbled, “We are married of course I know you well.”
He pouted at her with shiny eyes which should not work on her but Inés will never claim that she didn’t like beauty, “But Inés, many married noble couples barely know each other.”
“Whose fault is that?” she rolled her eyes, “I would have been perfectly happy living separately.”
He wilted, “You were being so nice and now you’re being mean again.”
Inés sighed, “I was just making sure you were alright…” She paused and looked suspiciously at her all too innocent-looking husband, “You’re distracting me aren’t you?”
Cárcel clicked his tongue, instantly dropping his innocent look, “Tch, stop being so sharp.”
“Stop dodging the question.” She threw back, “Cárcel I just want to help.”
He stared at her all of his expression suddenly draining away leaving a void. The sudden blank look unsettled her but she did not look away.
He looked away first and she refused to examine why she suddenly felt victorious, instead keeping her attention on her husband.
“It’s not a problem so you don’t need to worry,” he smirked ruefully, “besides, I’m used to it.”
“And I am used to men looking at me like I am either a piece of meat or a pitiful mindless animal.” Inés retorted, “That does not mean I find myself jumping for joy when treated like an object.”
“Moving on” She sighed but Cárcel interjected, “Now hold on who is looking at you like—,“ she continued ignoring his angry pout and dark mutterings, “Moving on! Cárcel, I apologize for not realizing how women take advantage of your place in society as a gentleman who cannot ignore them without losing reputation to take liberties—”
Cárcel interrupted again, sputtering, “Liberties! Inés what?!” she ignored him “But I am in the perfect position as your wife to block anyone you do not want to interact with.” She ended her statement with a satisfied nod.
Cárcel gaped at her, “Inés I think you misunderstood. Although I dislike reminding you of my past disloyalty, I have to say that I was a willing participant.”
Inés narrowed her eyes, “I was not talking about your past paramours rather women approaching you when you don’t want them to but suddenly I am concerned if that is where your mind went to.”
Cárcel looked like he wanted to throw himself out of their moving carriage. He even started eyeing the window calculatively.
Inés watched him squirm as that sick feeling in her stomach grew. Suddenly she was reminded when they were children how women would pinch his cheeks calling him handsome, charming, and a heartbreaker in the making. How as a teenager Cárcel grew into his looks and women of all ages started looking at him in ways she had automatically, sickenly, thought of as natural. After all, women needed to be protected from men's desires not men being protected from women's.
I fell into a trap I did not realize was there. Inés thought, just when I thought I knew all of our society’s depravities.
Inés took a deep breath, “Calm down, I am not interrogating you. I am just concerned,” Cárcel stopped his escape plans and looked back to her hopefully, “but that does not mean I am letting this go. I want names Cárcel, of anyone you want to stay away from you,” she paused considering how much she wanted to reveal her inner darkness, “and if you want me to destroy them please just ask.” Then she smiled a pretty smile that hid none of her all-consuming rage. Rage that always simmered beneath her skin.
Cárcel considered her. Analyzing her very being in a way that should have made her uncomfortable but she instead appreciated seeing his true thoughts that were often hidden behind a mask of foolishness.
Suddenly he smiled. Practically blinding her with his joy, “I agree but I want to add a condition to the deal. If I have to give you names, you also have to give me names. Quid pro quo”
This time she was the one who clicked her tongue, incredulous at his mercenary attitude, “Tch, are you a merchant?”
He kept his smile but a smug edge crept into the corners of his mouth, “Do you want a contract drawn?”
She was tempted to force him to write up an entire contract but thought better of it when she realized he would probably sneak in clauses beneficial to him.
“No need for a contract just the names in writing”
He answered with a disgustingly lovesick look, “Then I’ll hold you to the same rule,” he then excitedly perked up, “Maybe we can plan their downfalls together!”
How did he turn social murder into a romantic pastime?! She thought incredulously, Oh well, I admit it will be fun. Inés reached for Cárcel’s hand slowly. He met her halfway and his large hand enveloped hers with familiar calluses lightly scraping her skin.
She smiled back at him. The sick feeling dissipated as he tucked her hair softly behind her ear.