Work Text:
Shang Qinghua stared. He opened his mouth, but only a faint breathless noise emerged.
Mobei-Jun’s eyebrows twitched in annoyance.
“What?” he demanded. In the end, Shang Qinghua managed to force out a strangled explanation.
“...I think I may actually die if you put that in me.”
-
Shang Qinghua’s head hit his desk with a sigh. The scrolls in front of him had long ceased making sense, but that wasn't the reason for his gloominess. It had been days since he had last seen Mobei-Jun. After that disastrous situation, the demon king had up and left without a word. He hadn't even beaten Shang Qinghua up before going, which was the most unsettling part.
The thing was, Shang Qinghua hadn't stopped thinking about it since then. He lay awake each night, helplessly tortured by thoughts of Mobei-Jun's demonic member. Who knew that the differences between humans and demons extended even that far!? He was the fucking author of Proud Immortal Demon Way and he certainly didn't remember describing any demon genitals that way! Could you blame a man for being a bit shocked to see a thick, ridged member jutting in his face like something off of Bad Dragon? Not that Shang Qinghua had ever frequented that sort of website before! Just maybe once or twice — but only for writing inspiration for his monster anatomy. A muse was a muse, after all.
(And if there was one particular design that he came back to look at often, that was neither here nor there.)
Shang Qinghua had to respect Su Xiyan. It must have been true love to handle whatever Tianlang-jun was packing between his legs. And Shang Qinghua had described Luo Binghe's “heavenly pillar” enough times to know that Peak Lord Shen had his own share of difficulties to deal with. But those two had made it work so it couldn't be anatomically impossible… right?
There was a solution to all this and it started with research. He was the An Ding Peak Lord! If he couldn't get his hands on an appropriate, uh, practice device, then what was the point? So Shang Qinghua put through a discreet order to a well-known artisan of jade figurines and statuettes… all under Peak Lord Shen's name, of course.
-
After a number of correspondences with an increasingly confused artisan, the “device” had finally arrived.
Shang Qinghua left it sealed until later that evening when most of the peak's denizens would be asleep. Now that he was not in danger of being called upon to sign this or approve that, he drew a deep breath and opened the box. The jade was of the highest quality, almost milky white in colour. He traced the solid ridge along the shaft with a trembling fingertip. It was both admirable and mortifying how much effort the artisan had put in to incorporate Shang Qinghua's lurid descriptions. In terms of size, well. Maybe he had bitten off more than he could handle? The top half seemed doable, but the way the bulges thickened towards the base… Shang Qinghua swallowed. He would scale that mountain when he got there, so to speak.
After lighting some candles and undressing, Shang Qinghua lay back on his bed, stomach tight with anticipation. He had made sure to swipe a jar of lubricant from the stores before retiring, too. This particular product actually was among Peak Lord Shen's regular orders, so he knew it had to be the good stuff.
After doing a little prep and exploration with his own fingers, Shang Qinghua decided he was ready to tackle the real (well, replica) thing. The dildo— uh, practice device was hefty and cool to touch. The jade didn't warm even as he slathered it in lube, which was probably going to make for a more accurate Mobei-Jun experience, really!
Shang Qinghua let his legs spread wide and positioned the device. His hole twitched at the first touch of the cool jade. Shang Qinghua wriggled his hips, slowly working the unyielding head inside. Not too bad so far, but that was the easy part. As he pushed the device inside further, he began to feel a burning pain. Shang Qinghua squeezed his eyes shut, quickly conjuring mental images to help him relax.
Of course, who should come to mind but the subject of his practice? To be fair, there was a lot to think about. Like his king’s hands! Strong and wide, broad enough to span Shang Qinghua's entire ribcage. Then… oh! His muscular chest, which was always distractingly on display. Then there was his king's perfect face, arrogant and cold, but at times tinged with a subtle warmth, like when he was amused at Shang Qinghua's expense, which was fairly often…
Shang Qinghua let out a long slow breath. He had managed to ease himself down a third of the way, which was frankly an achievement in itself. Now for the—
He shivered as a cool draft suddenly whipped across his skin. When he opened his eyes, a familiar pair of icy blue eyes was watching him from the foot of the bed. He blinked hard, hoping that the figure was simply a figment of his amazing imagination. But no, it was Mobei-Jun in the flesh, looming over him with an expression like a thundercloud. He never should have given him that special ability: “Mysterious Phantom: Come and Go Like A Shadow!”
“What are you doing?” Mobei-Jun asked, voice dangerously low.
“M-m-m-my king! I, um, I, uhh—” Shang Qinghua didn't even know where to start. He might have been able to come up with a plausible lie had he been clothed and decent; however, being caught in the act of spearing himself on a jade dildo was not in any way helpful towards quick thinking.
After too long umming and ahhing, Mobei-Jun snatched the toy away with an impatient snarl. It slipped free of him with an obscene pop; Shang Qinghua's unintentional gasp only seemed to incense the demon further. Still, that was nothing compared to Mobei-Jun's reaction once he noticed exactly what he was holding.
The silence was suffocating. He had never seen Mobei-Jun's eyebrows do that before. Shang Qinghua sat up in a panic.
“It's not what it looks like—!”
Mobei-Jun crushed the jade dildo with a clench of his fist, sending hundreds of sparkling shards tumbling onto the floor. Shang Qinghua’s life flashed before his eyes. He was going to die right here right now, he was certain of it.
“Explain,” Mobei-Jun said shortly. Shang Qinghua gaped. What was he going to explain, exactly!?
I was fucking myself on a jade replica of your cock… respectfully, my king!!
He may as well strike Shang Qinghua dead on the spot and save them both the hassle. When Shang Qinghua failed to speak, Mobei-Jun raised his fist. Shang Qinghua flinched, bracing for broken ribs and a fountain of blood. But nothing came. Instead, Mobei-Jun lowered his fist and turned away. Shang Qinghua’s heart leapt into his mouth, this time for an entirely different reason. He was going to leave again!
Suddenly, the System decided to pop up after months of silence.
[Mobei-Jun heartbreak points at a critical level!]
[Activate Small Scenario Pusher?]
Now was not the time to hesitate. At his wit's end, Shang Qinghua decisively smashed the ‘Confirm’ option with all the force he could muster.
“My king, wait!” Shang Qinghua scrambled to his feet and instantly became tangled in the bedclothes. With a strangled yelp, he pitched forward and landed face first into Mobei-Jun's chest. Oh fuck fuck fuck— Was this really the best solution that shitty System had to offer?!
But Mobei-Jun had stopped in his tracks, at least! Now all Shang Qinghua had to do was somehow convince him to stay.
“I was practicing!” Shang Qinghua yelled, "I was using it to practice… for you, my king…” He didn't dare look at the demon king's face as he did, otherwise he might just burst into flames. His voice began to shake. “I mean, look at us! A human and a demon? Who are we kidding, right?! We're incompatible! Even our parts don't fit together!” Shang Qinghua laughed helplessly. “I was practicing so I didn't mess it up as badly as last time, except that’s still what ended up happening, and now my king is leaving me again.”
The ensuing silence was chilling. Shang Qinghua was horrified to find tears stinging his eyes. If he started bawling like this world’s Bing-ge, then he'd never be able to make fun of him (in the privacy of his own thoughts) ever again.
Suddenly, a clawed hand gripped his chin, lifting his gaze. Mobei-Jun's icy blue eyes met his, glittering like snow under the moonlight.
“Pathetic,” he said finally. The strange thing was, he sounded rather happy about it. Before Shang Qinghua could respond, Mobei-Jun’s lips crashed into his own. All sorts of System achievement trills and notifications started going off in the background, but Shang Qinghua silenced them in favour of giddily kissing the demon king back.
Honestly, kissing him was still a bit like getting smacked around. Adrenaline spiking. Blood rushing. Devastating. His lips felt bruised and slightly numb by the time Mobei-Jun pulled away.
At this close distance, Shang Qinghua could feel the hard outline of Mobei-Jun's monstrous weapon poking at his waist. Even just the shape of it through his robes was intimidating.
“I'm going to need more lube,” Shang Qinghua muttered nervously, mostly to himself. Mobei-Jun tilted his head in bemusement. Suddenly his hand reached between Shang Qinghua's legs, making him yelp. “My king—!”
“Why aren't you wet?” Mobei-Jun demanded.
“What do you mean? Humans don't get wet there!” Shang Qinghua retorted hotly.
“They don’t? How odd.” Shang Qinghua choked on his own spit. He really didn't remember writing about self-lubricating demons in his original novel.
Mobei-Jun wrapped his hands around Shang Qinghua's chest and lifted him up from the bed. The sudden reversal of gravity was dizzying. He flailed around until his feet found solid purchase… against the demon's shoulders. Which left Mobei-Jun’s face right between his legs and his mouth right near his—
Eh? Eh, eh? Ehhhh??
Shang Qinghua clung to the demon's broad hands, babbling nonsensically.
“No, my king! It's dirty, it's dirty, it’s—”
Mobei-Jun ignored him, his wet tongue probing Shang Qinghua's tender, puckered flesh. He wasn't shy about it either! No matter how Shang Qinghua twisted and pleaded, that tongue plunged into him relentlessly. What world had he transmigrated into that a demon king with a monstrous dick was eating him out without complaint!?
“Enough, please!” Shang Qinghua sobbed. His legs were trembling like soft tofu.
Finally, Mobei-Jun magnanimously let him go. Shang Qinghua slipped out of his grip and flopped on the bed like a dead fish. If he had been teased a moment longer, his soul might have returned to the modern world of its own accord.
There was a soft thunk as Mobei-Jun's robes hit the floor. Shang Qinghua weakly lifted his head to look at the demon.
Truly, the jade dildo had not done his king’s weapon justice. The tapered head curved slightly upwards, the soft skin flushed dark blue at the tip. The thick shaft below was covered in bumps and ridges — Shang Qinghua was certain his soft hole would feel each and every one soon. Lastly, the bulging shaft finished in a thick knot at the base that made Shang Qinghua’s palms break out in a sweat.
Mobei-Jun stepped between his shaking legs, placing one hand on the bed and the other on Shang Qinghua’s hip. The head of his cock slipped inside with a soft, wet sound. The first few inches were a stretch, but bearable. Shang Qinghua almost wanted to cheer — the practice had helped! But his easygoing time was short-lived.
“Oh fuckkkkkk…!” Every inch of the second bulge was torture. Shang Qinghua tried to hide his painful expression behind his hands, but Mobei-Jun batted them away with an annoyed look. “Wait a second! Just let me catch my breath,” Shang Qinghua panted with effort. Mobei-Jun stopped with a grunt. Even that unconscious noise was unfairly hot in Shang Qinghua's opinion.
Actually, after a while, the ice cool feeling of Mobei-Jun's cock had soothed the burning stretch nicely. Still, he had no idea how he was going to fit any more! Maybe there was a better angle to help ease things along? Shang Qinghua started moving his hips experimentally, but he froze when a clawed hand slammed against the space by his head.
“You. Are. Testing me,” Mobei-Jun said through gritted teeth. Shang Qinghua knew that look. The furrowed expression on his face often meant bloodshed was about to happen in short order, though in this case the only possible outlet was Shang Qinghua's hole.
Shang Qinghua set his jaw with determination. To be honest, Mobei-Jun had already been far more patient than he expected! The time for retreat had long since passed. He had made his choice and now was the time to follow through. If Shang Qinghua's original fate was to die by Mobei-Jun's hands, then dying by his cock instead was not a bad ending by comparison.
“Okay,” Shang Qinghua croaked. He hung onto Mobei-Jun's shoulders for dear life. “Go ahead.”
It was like being split right down the middle. Every time he thought he couldn't take it anymore, Mobei-Jun pushed in a little bit more. And more. And god, still more?! Was it really okay for his first time to be like this?? This wasn't a gentle deflowering at all, it was uprooting the whole plant! Shang Qinghua couldn't even speak anymore. His guts were churning in his ribcage, his heart was thundering in his throat. It felt like all his organs had moved up to accommodate the weapon piercing his insides. But somehow his body did take it.
Then something curious happened. The moment Mobei-Jun bottomed out, it was like his monstrous cock had finally slotted into place, filling every nook and cranny of Shang Qinghua's insides to completion. The tapered tip pressed against something deep inside him just so and Shang Qinghua’s spine turned to liquid. Having all his pain suddenly converted to pleasure was enough to make his head spin. Mobei-Jun really had been designed just for him!
After that, Shang Qinghua lost himself completely. Every thrust was a bullseye, a perfect one hundred points. Any remaining shred of dignity was nowhere to be seen. Saving face? Not a chance! Shang Qinghua was a sobbing, blabbering mess as Mobei-Jun fucked him more thoroughly than he'd ever imagined possible.
“Aah! My king! My king!”
Shang Qinghua’s back arched off the bed and stars exploded behind his eyelids. The arc of his arrival was higher and more spectacular than ever before — even Mobei-Jun seemed impressed by the sight. However, the demon king wasn't letting him off the hook that easily. With another unfairly hot grunt, he simply folded Shang Qinghua into a new position and went to town.
When Mobei-Jun finally deigned to rest hours later, Shang Qinghua was utterly spent.
Why is it always three times with him!? Three beatings, three bulges, three rounds!
Shang Qinghua blinked fuzzily when he felt a damp washcloth wiping between his legs. He realised with a start that Mobei-Jun was cleaning him, though rather clumsily. After tossing the washcloth away, he returned to Shang Qinghua's side with an expectant look.
“Did that suffice?” he asked seriously. At Shang Qinghua's look of confusion, he elaborated. “Your human custom.”
Shang Qinghua's eyes almost bulged out of his head. It seemed like he hadn't been the only one “practicing” — the spoiled Demon King of the Northern Desert Mobei-Jun had learned about aftercare! It was fortunate he was so tired, otherwise he might have laughed out of sheer shock.
“Hmm, not quite,” Shang Qinghua mused, unable to hold back a pleased smile. Mobei-Jun’s eyebrows narrowed in consternation. He was half tempted to tease by asking him to make noodles again, but that would almost certainly blow up in his face eventually. “Now my king lies down and guards me as I rest. After all, I've been worked hard and can't even move! If someone arrived with ill intent, I'd never be able to defend myself. My king must stay and protect me in my vulnerable state…”
Shang Qinghua went on and on, even as Mobei-Jun rolled his eyes and lay down on the bed.
“And if I get thirsty or hungry, you have to bring me wine and food, so I can replenish my energy…”
Shang Qinghua was tugged gently across the bed until his head was resting on Mobei-Jun's chest. He continued mumbling, even as his eyes closed with a yawn.
“And you mustn't leave me, not even if the whole mountain comes to chase you out… my king…”
Shang Qinghua felt cool lips touch his forehead and smiled drowsily.
“I won't leave,” Mobei-Jun replied, his voice a deep rumble in his chest. Shang Qinghua didn't answer. He was already fast asleep, safe in the arms of his favourite person.