Chapter Text
He wasn’t hungry.
Which wasn’t uncommon these days.
Patton was making lunch. Maybe dinner? He honestly didn’t know anymore.
Ever since the wedding—he doesn’t know how long ago that was either—he hasn’t bothered to pay attention to the time. Just made sure the other sides got three meals a day. Which he was doing pretty good about, until tonight.
He doesn’t really know what happened.
Just like at the court case.
He just lost track of time. He was too tired.
Too tired to be useful.
But he’s here now!
You weren’t there for Roman when he needed you.
Making pasta!
Or Logan.
Spaghetti.
Or Virgil.
And… and maybe some garlic bread.
Janus, Remus,
PARMESAN! Maybe they had some of that?
Thomas.
Yeah. He’ll go and find some parmesan.
Worthless.
Where did they keep the garlic?
The other sides don’t even want to see you.
Oh right, he’s the only one that puts the spices away.
Worthless piece of shit.
Uhm, where’s the bread?
Can’t do anything right.
Where’s the bread?
They would be better off without you.
Where’s the bread?!
Maybe… You could just…
WHERE’S THE FUCKING BREAD???!!?
“Patton..?” Janus spoke from the doorway, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, startling the cook out of his quickly sinking downward spiral.
Patton whipped around from where he was frozen by the spice cabinet, still clutching the garlic in his shaking hands.
He tried for a smile and hoped it looked convincing, “Oh, hey there Janus! Didn’t see you there! Ahaha… Did you need something?” He straightened out from his hunched position, setting the garlic on the counter.
Janus’ already saddened face dropped to an almost distressed look when Patton turned around. “Are.. Are you okay? I-I mean, I just came down here to ask if you needed any help?”
“You.. what?” Patton’s face morphs into a look of surprise, with a slight trace of shock.
He wants to… help me?
Janus scanned the room, eyeing the supplies on the counter “Spaghetti? Or, that’s what it looks like to me.. I’m not the best chef. And.. Garlic bread? You just need the bread.. right?” Janus smiled as he spoke, somehow calming Patton down as he did.
Patton practically lit up. “Yeah! I was uh, just looking for the bread…” His cheeks flushed pink.
You can’t even find the fucking bread. What kind of Morality are you?
“Hey, hey, it’s okay!” Janus moved closer to Patton, letting their soft lights—barely visible in the light, but still there nonetheless—mix, creating a soft green. “We can look for the bread together, It’s probably just misplaced!”
Patton looked at Janus with watery eyes, but a small smile was creeping it’s way onto his face, “Yeah.”
Janus turned to face the kitchen, reaching for a cabinet above him. This kitchen was really too big for the both of them, but they’d manage.
He opened the closest cabinet, which was right next to the microwave. It held boxes of cereal and a box of oatmeal, but no bread.
Go help Janus, you’re being useless again. You never stopped being useless!
Patton moved over to another cabinet. He had to stand on the tips of his toes to reach this one, and when he finally got it open, he spotted the bread on the top shelf.
“Of course…” He mumbled to himself, dragging a hand across his face, making his glasses slightly cooked. “Hey Jan, I found the bread.”
“Oh, good.” Janus turned around and looked up at the cabinet, “Where uh.. Where is it?”
“Up there.” Patton pointed up at the cabinet, a look of frustration on his freckled face.
“Oh, yes, I uh.. Yeah.” Janus stammered, his face turning slightly pink. “Hmm.. How are we going to get up there..?” Janus asked nobody in particular.
Patton looked around for something they could use to reach the bread. He spotted the chairs neatly tucked under the kitchen table.
Now that family dinners were no longer held there, the only person who ever pulled out a chair these days was Patton.
See? They don’t want you. They don’t even want to eat with you. Not that you eat anyway, you don’t deserve it.
Patton turned away from Janus and gritted his teeth, grabbing a chair from under the table. He dragged it to the cabinet, stood on it, and reached the bread. He dumped it on the counter with perhaps a little more force than necessary.
Jan just watched as Patton climbed the counter, Slightly shocked, but shook his head. “Okay! Now we can start cooking!” Jan smiled, which was unusual for the normally stoic deceit. huh..
“I’ll start on the garlic bread, and you get the pasta ready!” Janus grabbed the butter, garlic, bread, and a baking tray.
—Then went back and grabbed the parchment paper. “Whoops, can’t forget that!” He chuckled to himself
Patton checked on the noodles, then started on making the spaghetti sauce. He eyes Janus starting the garlic bread.
He’s only helping you out of pity.
“Shut up!!” Patton yells, gripping his hair. He is fed up with this stupid voice.
JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Janus paused in his butter spreading and looked over at Patton, startled. “Are you okay?”
Patton’s eyes shot open, his hands still gripping his hair so hard he was afraid he might pull it out.
Did he say that out loud?
He turned to look into Janus’ concerned eyes, his snake eye practically glowing in the light.
“O–oh yeah! I just…” He can’t know. He’s just going to hate you. He doesn’t care. He’s just waiting for you to slip up so they can finally get rid of you.
He sees Janus step forward like he was going to check on him.
No no no nononononononono he can’t find out!
“It was just a fly!” He almost-shouts at Janus. Holding his hands out in a ‘don’t take another step closer’ motion, “It–it’s fine. I’m fine.”
“O-okay..” Jan seemed skeptical, but continued nonetheless “Your uh.. Your pot is boiling over a little bit.” Jan pointed past Patton.
Patton turned around so fast the world went dark for a second, “Ah sh–” He immediately ran over to the pot and picked it up off the burner, moving it further down on the stove.
He looked at the stove and groaned, “Well, now the noodles are ruined…”
“Hey, it’s alright! We still have the garlic bread! We can, uh..” Jan looked around the kitchen, searching for some way to make a meal out of ruined noodles and untoasted garlic bread.
Now look at what you did. Dinner is ruined! What now huh?
“I guess we’ll just serve the garlic bread with some leftovers..!” Patton ignored the voice, trying to stay optimistic, like he does best.
You screwed up the one thing you’re good at. And now Janus knows you can’t do anything right.
“Hmm.. what do we have?” Janus walked over to the fridge and opened it, making room for Patton to look in too. “…Not much.”
“It’s okay. We can give the leftovers to the other sides, and then make something simple for ourselves.” Patton had taken on his cheery voice again. It wasn’t nearly as cheerful as usual, but it’ll do for now.
Sure it will..
“Okay.. sure!” Janus matched his energy, the so obviously imitation “cheeriness” drowning out any other emotions, and left a sour taste in both their mouths.
But what else could they do? This is all for the others. For Logan, Roman, and Virgil. For Remus.
… And even for Janus and Patton.
Everyone needs a little bit of sunshine in these dark times…
Patton raises an eyebrow at Janus, “Why are you so cheery? You’re not usually like this.”
“I uh- so-“ Janus stammered before sighing.
“I’m going to be completely honest right now, cause you deserve to know the truth, Patton.. I’m down here, because you seemed… sad. So I’m imitating your whole, ‘Happy pappy Patton’ energy. Because who wouldn’t want some more cheeriness in their life?” Janus smiled up at Patton, but he still seemed shifty. Like he wasn’t telling the whole truth…
Patton was still giving him that weird look.
He knows Janus isn’t telling the whole truth, but neither is he, so he figures they’ll call it even.
He goes back to his default smile, “Okay, Janus.”
They heated up dinner in tense silence.
<---—--->
They headed up the stairs to deliver the food to the others.
“So uh,” Patton started, glancing at Remus’ door, “Who first?”
Janus, noticing Patton looking at the other dark side’s door, which had recently moved to the light side along with his, answered.
“Why don’t I take Remus, and you take Logan?” he smiled up at the taller side next to him, and pointed at the respective doors with his free hand.
Patton looked relieved, “Okay. Thanks…” He still wasn’t completely comfortable around Remus. He was loud, and… well, he was Remus.
You don’t even love all of them. What kind of father figure are you?
“Yeah! Of course!” Jan smiled and turned to Remus’ door.
As he walked further down the hall, the lively posture and slight bounce in his step seemed to disappear, like the influence from Patton was fading, soon returning to the fixed, closed-off way he carried himself.
Logan’s door was right near the top of the stairs, so Patton didn’t have to walk far.
Just as he was working up the courage to knock on Logan’s door, (He usually just leaves the food in the fridge for them to find later, but Janus had encouraged him to take it to them) he saw Janus being dragged into Remus’ room. Remus had a maniacal smile, while Janus had a desperate look on his face.
Patton giggled, seeing Janus shaking his head frantically, and Remus, in turn, nodding wildly.
He did not want to know what’s going on there.
After seeing the—somewhat—wholesome sight, he finally go enough courage to knock on Logan’s door.
There was some shuffling from inside the room, and a creak as the door opened just a crack, an indigo light leaking through.
“Who is it?” Logan’s voice spoke from inside, now more monotone than ever.
Patton tried for a smile, but he wasn’t quite sure how genuine it was considering he was holding back tears at seeing his friend again.
“Hi, Logan. It’s Patton. I uh, just brought you some food.” Patton said. He held the food out for Logan, offering the still wobbly smile.
Logan opened the door all the way and took the food Patton was offering. “Thank you.”
After a short moment of awkward silence, Logan spoke again, “Is there.. Anything else? Or may I get back to my studies.”
“How long have you been working for Logan?” Patton could see the dark circles under Logan’s bloodshot eyes. “Maybe you should take a little break.”
Logan looked slightly annoyed at this. “How long I work for is none of your business. All you need to know is I’m doing my job, yes?” He almost snapped, “Besides, we’re aspects of Thomas’ personality. We don’t technically need food or sleep to function.”
Patton almost did as Logan wished.
You’re just bothering him. He’s just going to hate you more.
But Logan clearly needed a break. To eat, sleep, drink some water. Yes, they technically didn’t need to do those things, but… it helped. It made life around the mindscape a little easier.
Patton took a deep breath, “No, we technically don’t, but don’t you feel better after some food and sleep? It’ll be easier to do your job if you’re well rested.”
“I can do my work just fine without your interference, Patton.” Logan scowled, clearly fed up with Patton’s presence. “Why are you all of a sudden so adamant about fixing my health? Especially when you haven’t been since the wedding.”
Well now if that wasn’t a spear right through his heart.
Patton almost broke down then and there. But… he can’t do that to Logan. He needs help, even if he doesn’t want it.
Logan would probably enjoy seeing it.
Patton swallowed hard, “I can see the circles under your eyes, Logan. I care about you, and I’m so sorry about everything… The wedding, Putting Others First… I really messed up… But I want you to be okay. Please, take a break.”
“Patton. You cannot tell me what I already know. I know what I'm doing here, and I need you to stop interfering. I do not care if you’re ‘sorry about everything’. I’m not—”
“–Logan? Patton? What’s going on here?” Janus cut in, interrupting logan mid sentence.
Patton was frozen. He vaguely heard Janus speak, but he’s too busy staring at Logan to take in what he had said.
See? Now he hates you! You’re a nuisance to everyone around you. You can’t stop bothering them.
Stupid.
Pathetic.
Worthless.
Tears were streaming down Patton’s face now, but he made no sound. No reaction. Just staring straight ahead, seeing nothing.
Janus looked over at Patton, only to see his tears. This broke something in the snake.
With a low hiss in his throat, steadily growing louder, he walked over to stand in between Patton and Logan. And although he was the shortest side, Logan towering high over him, he knew that the logical side was afraid of him, at least in this moment.
“You.” Janus hissed at the taller side, his mismatched eyes piercing a hole through Logan’s figure. “You will not talk to Patton that way. Think of all he’s done for you, Logic. All he’s sacrificed for the good of you and everyone else. You have no right to treat him like this.”
Janus then turned around to Patton “Are you okay? What did Logic say to you?”
Patton didn’t answer. He doesn’t show any sign of hearing Janus. His breathing quickened, and there were still tears flowing down his freckled cheeks.
“No no no…” His hands grip his hair, “No, stop. Please… I can’t–”
“Patton? Patton?! Are you okay?” Janus immediately forgot about Logan standing behind him in favor of Patton, reaching up to grab his hands hoping to comfort him.
“Patton?” Logan asked from behind Janus, reminding him of what caused this.
He shot a cold glare at Logic over his shoulder, but quickly returned to the problem at hand.
Patton suddenly cried out and jumped back from Janus.
He looked at his arms and saw slimy green patches spreading across his skin. His eyes widened, looking at Janus.
“Wh–what?” Patton said in a small voice, “No.. No, not now!” He pulled away from Janus and ran to his room.
They can’t see me like this!
They already think you’re a monster, this is just going to make it worse! You deserve it anyway.
Shut up! Shut the FUCK up!!
You’re just saying that cause you know it’s true.
<—---—>
There was a knock from his bedroom door, and Janus called from the other side. “Patton? Are you okay?” His voice was unnaturally soft and kind, even compared to when he was imitating Patton.
There was no answer. Janus stood there for a couple of minutes before he heard a quiet response, prompting him to open the door.
Patton was sitting on his bed, looking at the floor with his head hung. “I’m fine.” He mumbled.
After hearing his response, Janus practically ran over to him and sat down next to him. “Patton, I’m sorry about what happened out there. I never should have convinced you to come up here. Do you want to talk about it? Or we could just go down and get something to eat. Whatever you want to do.” Janus smiled. It's like he knew exactly what Patton was feeling.
Of course he would, he’s Deceit.
Patton shook his head, “I’m not hungry.”
“Okay, if you’re sure..” He seemed hesitant, but didn’t push. “Do.. Do you wanna watch something? Just to get your mind off of this whole situation?”
Patton scrunched his eyebrows together, like he was thinking. He shifted on the bed a little nervously before he said, “I’ve been meaning to watch a show called Centaurworld… It apparently has really good music, and I’ve heard it’s colorful, and weird. Haha, kinda like me!”
“Okay, That sounds great! I’ll pull it up, what does it stream on?” Janus smiled at Patton, summoning his laptop from his room.