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Ben shifts uncomfortably in his seat and strokes his day old stubble lazily with his free hand. He regrets sending Callum for a fifth double vodka of the night now. The Prince Albert's busy, the lights are hot, and the four he's already had are making him just the wrong side of tipsy, the alcohol coursing an increasingly destructive path through his veins.
And, what was a pleasant tingle moments before has become a raging fire now, because Callum's at the bar, and he's not alone.
There's a man there, leaning into him. Too close, too familiar, and Ben knows this game - has played it more than once, in a past life. The pretence of loud music and raised voices the perfect excuse to rock up on his toes and whisper something in his ear. To run a hand down his forearm, squeezing to get his attention.
The hairs on Ben's neck bristle, but he can’t seem to tear his eyes away.
"Ben?.... Ben!"
Jay is saying something next to him, and he flinches a little as a cool hand lands on his shoulder.
"Huh?"
"You even listening?"
"Er.. yeah sorry bruv, just...."
He knows he should turn his attention to Jay, but he can’t seem to shift focus from the scene at the bar. Callum is smiling, warm but half hearted, and Ben's thrilled to see it doesn't meet his eyes the way it does when he looks at him. Still, he can't risk looking away.
"You stare any more at that guy and you're gonna bore holes in 'im. What's up?"
The man's hand skims across Callum's waist as he reaches past him for his drinks, and Ben grinds his teeth, feels his jaw tense with the effort.
"You know you have nothin' to worry about on that front dontcha." Jay shouts above the noise, turning Ben's head towards him with a cupped hand on his chin. "Never seen a bloke so smitten." He lets go, and Ben's head snaps back around.
Jay's right of course. Callum would never cheat, he knows that. What they have is far too good for either of them to look elsewhere, it just ain't gonna happen, he's sure of it.
Part of him loves seeing Callum like this, out and proud, his confidence blooming as a gay man, propped at a gay bar, comfortable in his own skin. That part makes his heart soar, but the other part, the animal part, bares its teeth and threatens to tear the fragile, beating thing wide open.
Another man is touching him. His Callum. Close enough to feel his warmth, to smell his skin. He should be in bed with him now, his nose buried in the crook of his neck, silent and sated in the afterglow, breathing him in. He would be if he hadn't insisted on one more drink he didn't even need.
What gets him the most though, he realises, is the guy's not even hot. What the hell makes him think he has a chance with a catch like Callum? He's short, and yeah ok Ben's not exactly tall, but he reckons he'd give this guy a run for his money. His hair is blond and close cropped, nothing for Callum to run his fingers through in the heat of the moment the way he loves, and there's no sparkle in his pinched dull eyes.
And ok... he clearly works out, he'll give him that. There's muscle definition there, and the beginnings of a six pack that Ben's never gonna get close to with his allergy to exercise, but he's also covered in tattoos, and not averse to the odd piercing.
Not to his taste.
Ben's always wondered if people decorate their bodies as a conversation starter because they have nothing interesting to say.
"Not Callum I'm worried about, mate. What gives that guy the right to drape himself all over my boyfriend like that? He's very much off limits. Any closer and he'd be wearing him."
"Never had you down as the jealous type, bro."
Ben huffs out a defeated sigh. "I wasn't, before."
And he wasn't, was he. It just wasn't his style. He could fuck a bloke one week and look straight past him sucking the face off another in a bar a week later. Even when it was good, even when he'd briefly entertained the notion of tapping him up for round two, not a flicker. Fuck and on to the next one - always something better, and if he really lucked out, bigger, still to come. Until there wasn't. Until six foot something of doe-eyed perfection took up residence in his local.
"I'm not being funny mate, but he's literally said three words to 'im so far.... and this is Callum we're talking about. What makes you so sure that two minutes after meeting your man, this guy's desperate to drag him home and do the dirty with 'im?"
"'Cause I was."
He knows it's written all over his face. There's no point in hiding it.
"Ha! You'll be tellin' me it was love at first sight next!"
Ben ducks his head, eyebrows raised, chewing furiously on his lip and Jay nods a knowing, contented smile and slaps him hard on the back, just as Callum turns around to meet his gaze. Whatever he sees on Ben's face makes his smile fall and he shouts something to the stranger before wrapping his large hands expertly around their drinks and heading back towards Ben.
"I'm gonna head to the carzy... give you boys a minute" Jay winks, and Callum falls into his place, rubbing a reassuring hand up Ben's thigh. Ben's heart rate instantly settles the moment he's back in his orbit, but his face is clearly flustered if the way Callum is looking at him is anything to go by.
Good a time as any to pick the scab...
"Surprised you lasted that long, babe. I mean let's face it, the guy's barely scraping a five! He was pushing it even looking at you."
"Oh no, I mean... he wasn't...."
"Er... yeah.... he was! You don't know how gorgeous you are Cal, and I love that about you, but you gotta start learning the signs darlin'."
Callum's features knit in confusion and he shakes his head, but to Ben's relief the fact his boyfriend was insanely jealous doesn't seem to be Callum's main concern.
"Hang on, wait! You seriously give guys a score out of ten, when you've never even spoken to them? Only seen them under strobe lights across a dark room? God, Ben."
"Yeah... so what babe, you know I'm shallow."
Ben just shrugs, arms and hands splaying out, and pulls his face into his trademark grimace.
"Er.. I know you're not. You wouldn't have bothered with a total mess like me if you were."
And just like that, just like always, his boyfriend's sincerity floors him, all bravado stripped away, and he finds himself smiling shyly, dipping his head to focus on the ice cubes swirling in his glass.
"I'm gonna ignore that, Cal. Er... what was he talking to you about anyway? Didn't seem your type."
Callum doesn't answer, and when Ben looks up he realises he wasn't really listening as he shifts uncomfortably in the seat next to him, eyes fixed dead ahead, brow lightly furrowed. He clicks his fingers to catch his attention, and narrows his eyes.
"Spit it out, Cal."
He seems to snap out of it then, lips curling slightly at the corners as he trains his eyes firmly back on Ben.
"So come on then, I'm intrigued. If he's barely a five..... what did you give me?"
And, ok, that's interesting. So they're playing this game.
Ben cocks his head as if weighing up whether to take the bait, but he can't say he isn't delighted by the turn of events. Reminding himself of their history, of the day they met, of the effect Callum has on him, will never not make him feel fuzzy inside.
"First time I saw you? In the pub? Gave you a solid seven, babe."
And if the look on Callum's face and the pitch in his voice is anything to go by, that's not what he was hoping to hear.
"Seven? Seven! Why the fuck are you even with me if I'm only a seven? Jeez Ben. Didn't think caviar did sausage rolls!"
Ben just throws him an incredulous look and rolls his eyes - a perfect imitation of the way Callum so often looks at him - a perfect indication that they're two sides of the same coin.
"You can cut the diva strop Cal, I didn't say you are a seven, but you were...in that moment."
He draws out the syllables of the last word as if weighing it up. There's something deliciously satisfying about making Callum wait.
"Had to knock a point off for the fact you were "straight" and wrapped around Whitney Dean didn't I! And then there was the small issue of a bar in the way. Didn't get even a glimpse of that arse, or those gorgeous thighs... and you didn't show me the dimples, so sorry, babe... seven it was!"
A flicker of something passes over Callum's face, and for a moment he looks a little hurt. But his hand comes to land quickly on Ben's thigh again, searching and possessive, fingertips tracing the inner seam of his jeans and then tracking their way northward - a clear sign the conversation isn't over.
"Break it down for me."
And well, truthfully, it's not something he's thought about in a while. But then again, there are some moments so etched in your memory that you never really forget, and conjuring them is as simple as breathing.
"Not sure it really works like that Cal, it's more of a package deal kinda thing, but ok. So.... I gave you four for your face.. which before you say anything is a pretty good score by the way, dont knock it! But..."
Ben tilts his head slowly from side to side as if mulling it over, and Callum's grip tightens on the flesh of his thigh.
"....looking back that was a bit harsh, even if you were giving me the evils, you were fit. Then a point for being eight foot tall, a point for the mesmerising baby blues, and a point for those hands. Done."
Callum just huffs, sticking out his bottom lip in a glorious pout, and Ben licks his lips and fights the urge to lean in and suck it.
"Not sure why you even bothered chasing a seven then"
"Ok well first, I didn't chase.... "
(And no, Callum definitely doesn't miss the shy smirk on his boyfriend's face that says otherwise).
"...Ben Mitchell doesn't chase. But, you soon went up the rankings... point back on once I'd seen you in the suit, obviously, big point back on for liking blokes... that got you to a solid nine and then... then I got to hold that beautiful cock of yours in my hand... perfect ten!"
"Actually if I'm honest, had to add on extras for the dimples and the blushing thing you've got going on, so that was you off the scale before I even saw you naked, or found out what you could do with the gifts God gave you!"
Ben grins, gesturing down none too subtly at Callum's crotch, and watches as his man's eyes stretch comically wide.
"Wow, ok."
"Come on babe, you know I think you're perfect. But if it makes you feel better you can tell me what you gave me. What score did I get?"
And suddenly, Callum's blushes, the dimples, and Ben's cocky smirk are all firmly on display.
"Oh my God! You did give me a score didn't you! Told you everyone does it!"
And yeah, ok, he's got him there. But Callum can't bring himself to deny it when remembering that day, and the feelings it stirred in him, is as easy as recalling his own name.
"Right, well, first I have a bit of a confession to make. I may have had a sneaky peek before we actually met."
"What? When?"
"Day before. You was in the pub with your dad, then with Jay and Lola, but I don't think you saw me. I saw you."
"Er... Why didn't you come over?"
"Oh come on Ben, that was never gonna happen. You know what I was like back then, and you had this look about you that said you'd take no prisoners. Was kinda exciting, but it scared the shit out if me too... so I did the Halfway thing and made myself scarce when you came to the bar so I couldn't say anything stupid. Didn't mean I wasn't checking you out though!"
"Ok, so when ya were perving on me from a distance, whatd'ya give me?"
"A seven for your face, and you had your back to me most of the time!"
Ben just raises an eyebrow and moistens his bottom lip with the tip of his tongue.
"Oh come off it Ben, you know I think you're gorgeous, I wasn't blind. Extra point for the quirk in your lips when you smiled, I liked that. A point for being cocky, a point off for being cocky...."
"Hey!"
"Well I weren't sure how I felt about it! You were pushing every single one of my buttons, Ben. Some I didn't know I had and some I couldn't even think about. It was exciting and intimidating at the same time! And I didn't know it was all a front then, so I just thought you were a bit of a knob.... a fucking sexy knob, but a knob."
Ben opens his mouth mock affronted, but finds he doesn't have it in himself to argue. Not when the man in front of him is solid, irrefutable evidence of how perfectly this story ends.
"So... I think that gives me an eight? Not bad when we hadn't even spoke.. I'll take that!"
"Hmm... don't get too cocky Mitchell. When we did actually speak you lost a point for calling me Kermit, a point for slagging off Whit, and a point for being a short arse. It coulda been a wipeout to be honest... until you touched me. If you hadn't stuck out your hand that day I could've been going off with the walking canvas over there."
Ben scoffs and throws his head back in disbelief, but the tiny kernel of insecurity still gnawing away inside just won't let it lie.
"Hardly. There's no way he'd be getting that lucky. More likely you'd be picking out wallpaper with the little wife."
And shit, you can always rely on a Mitchell to sour the mood.
Callum just hums, brow furrowing with the effort of forcing what's heading for a grimace into a weak and wobbly smile that cuts Ben wide open. But before he can take his foot out of his mouth and apologise, his eye is caught by Jay, back at the bar, waving his hands in the universal sign for shots, and the blond human newspaper still standing there behind him.
Callum tracks his eyes all the way, sees the clench in his jaw, the curl in his fist against his side. He trains his baby blues on his boyfriend, and Ben feels the heat of them, snapping his attention back to him like magnets connecting.
"Another drink, babe?"
"I, er.... no. Think I just wanna go home."
"Aw Cal, don't be like that, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to bring up.."
" ...nah, that ain't why... That ain't what I meant."
And maybe it'll always be there, this maddening mix of jealousy and insecurity that comes with loving a man as perfect as Callum. But the twist in his stomach lessens and blooms into comforting warmth when he feels a hand slip inside his own, and turns to see him looking at him like that.
"It just.... it don't matter though does it."
"What don't?"
"None of it."
"I mean, that guy might be a five, maybe he thought I was a seven, maybe the next guy through that door will be a nine. It don't change anything. That guy never stood a chance, Ben, cos he ain't you."
"We aint just numbers, are we. We've got a life together, Ben. I've found my perfect ten. I don't plan on looking elsewhere."
And that's the truth of it, isn't it?
Ben's taking Callum home. Callum's taking Ben home.
Just as it should be. Just as it will always be.
Love doesn't count, and it doesn't keep score, it just is.