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Ever since he was little, Sirius has been attracted to a strange variety of things. Always drawn in by what could be considered weird or grim. Even then, he knew his interests were odd, and would receive a less than receptive response if shared; so he kept them to himself. Even as a clueless kid, something told him he should keep it to himself.
It would start with small things, like bedtime stories.
When Sirius and Regulus were still shiny and new enough, their mother used to read them bedtime stories. Back while they were still exhibiting absolute obedience and didn't yet have silly things like opinions. Sirius loved it. His mother's eyes mostly fixed to the pages, smiling, frowning, or grimacing as the story needed, and still occasionally glancing up at her boys to smile at their reactions. She'd even- though she'd first complain that it was unbecoming -put on voices for them. She was best at the villains or creatures.
Sirius loved it for all the right reasons. He and his brother got those extra few precious ten to twenty minutes to stay up, their mother's hard-fought undivided attention, entertainment, and much more. Sirius loved to learn from the stories. He liked to visualize them in his head. He liked to get ideas from them, tucking them away for later, and taking them out to fall asleep with. He'd create his own stories from them. Some of them he even placed himself in. It ensured he'd have good dreams every night.
Even when his mother would dip into the darker tales.
While most were classics, wizards telling them to children of all ages through all years, some weren't. Some were Black family stories. Written by his ancestors, many passed down for generations, or even commissioned by famous writers for their family personally. Those stories had very different lessons in them, or at least, different methods of getting the message across.
While death was still rare within those early stories, the threat of it was real. Whether it be Black family tales or not, Sirius always found those threats fascinating. In ways he immediately knew he shouldn't. He was always clinging to his sheets with knuckles white, eyes wide with alarm, as his mother would describe how the dastardly villain would have a hero or innocent in their claws. How they would threaten or their victim would plead-- 'Oh no! What do you plan to do with me?'-- 'Please! Release me! I'll do anything!' He'd feel the gears turn in his brain. He'd imagine the character's peril- their distress. He'd imagine himself as the hero swooping in to save the damsels, but not before they were good and frightened. He'd imagine himself as the hero captured, soon breaking free and turning the tables, putting the villain on their knees and pleading for mercy.
He loved when the Black tales would let things get very close. Sometimes a princess in need of some humbling would actually drink the poison. Sometimes the knights would be cut and bleed. Sometimes the hero's dame or a beloved one would be captured and put in chains, or as Sirius preferred, tied with ropes. In all those early stories, the captured, the beated, and the humbled would all somehow survive. They'd be rescued successfully, or given the antidote, or learn their lesson, always just in the nick of time! Sirius preferred it that way. He preferred it when the weeping damsels or bloodied heroes ended the story in each other's arms. But still, they needed to be harmed first. There needed to be an air of peril or it wasn't as interesting. And as he got older, without it, he wouldn't care. The couples were boring when nothing came between them. The villains were nothing if they didn't first have the heroes in the palm of their hands before being taken by surprise or overpowered, soon falling to the side of good.
Sirius found the grim was what made the stories.
After those, Regulus' 'baby stories' lost his interest. He wanted the Black tales. He wanted the dark and dastardly. He wanted the kisses of death. He wanted the fear. He wanted the scary. He wanted werewolves chasing down youths who thought themselves smarter than their elders. He wanted faint women tied to train tracks. He wanted- as he would later be most ashamed of -to be the pureblood hero who sent the lesser blooded, slimy villain to their knees after proving his magic far stronger. So many of the Black stories were thinly vailed pureblood jerk-off material. It was always a handsome, strong, sophisticated or awe-inspiring, pureblooded hero vs the ugly, vile, and weaker villain. The villain was always someone born of muggles or the 'greatest offense', a half-blood. The older stories often didn't have any muggleborn characters at all, completely ignoring their proximity to the 'real' wizarding world. But half-bloods? The stories 'loved' half-bloods.
The moral being that 'breeding' with muggles, even if brought on by the 'illusion of real love', resulted in evil. Many of them were old stories, focused on issues as they were at the time. Before muggleborns started popping up more often- or rather, before wizards started recognizing their existence- 'breeding' with muggles was the hot button issue. So the stories reflected that. All half-bloods becoming evil and tainted, or at the very least much weaker than purebloods. Even if Sirius didn't really understand the propaganda at the time, he still found the trend strange. He'd later find it downright gross.
But still, at the time, he liked reading about them getting their comeuppance.
He liked how the hero would save good pureblooded girls from the vile creatures. How they'd relent under the overwhelming prowess of the pureblood hero. Sirius always devoured the part where the hero finally stood tall over the fallen villain. Maybe they'd cry, maybe they'd beg, maybe they'd hiss words of warning before slinking away. Whatever the case, Sirius liked imagining the scene. He liked when the damsels were freed and the villain was defeated.
He'd lay in his bed at night, and instead of counting dragons, he was replaying the scenes in his head or he was creating his own. Sirius credits it to his bright imagination, he's been practicing.
One of his favorites was simple and he's retold it to himself many times.
It would open in a castle or dungeon of some kind. Sirius would be running through some stone hallway, the sounds of his boots thudding off the walls. His breathing is easy and unlabored. A self-assured, if not smug, smile on his lips. Soon the halls he ran through would open up into a larger room. Maybe some vault containing a powerful magic object the villain desired, or a throne room with a mighty chair the villain desired, or maybe a princesses' bedroom with a damsel the villain desired- though that one he quickly lost interest in. Whatever the case, Sirius would be entering at just the right moment, right before the villain could get what they wanted. They'd exchange words, sometimes Sirius taking the time to come up with a good dialogue, but most of the time he'd skip it and pretend he said something clever that flustered his enemy. Then they'd be fighting. The villain would be cocky at first, sure of their own victory, but soon Sirius would be winning. He'd send the creature onto it's back, leaving them unable to do anything but look up at him with wide, pleading eyes. The villain would swear themselves to a life of good, would beg for mercy. And, at least at first, Sirius would always give it.
The villain quickly thanking him, holding into his hand with shaking fingers. Tears filling the creature's eyes as they threw themself into Sirius' arms. The villain always mixing with the damsels. That's what he wanted. The weak and desirable mixing with the deplorable- the punishable. Soon becoming that perfect image of defeated beauty that rested a tear-stained cheek against Sirius' chest. Wide, dark eyes peering up with one last weak and grateful whisper of 'Thank you for sparing me...' Then the story would flutter away from Sirius, putting him into a peaceful sleep.
All throughout his youth, Sirius imagined these scenarios. Loving every new story he was told, and taking pieces from them to use in those scenarios.
Until his mother read something...darker.
Her favorite story, she called it. One she had begged her own parents to read her over and over since the first time at ten. It started as the basic, blood purity, jerk-off trash that so many of the others had been. But from the first few lines, Sirius and Regulus were sending each other nervous looks. The wording is different from the jump, their mother's demeanor more vicious. They don't know it yet, but it is a viciousness that they will later become all too familiar with. The story paints a scene of a good pureblooded girl being betrothed to a respectable pureblooded boy. Until the story changes. The boy reveals himself to be half-blooded and after her precious family name. The girl refuses, denying him and fleeing the bonding ceremony to run back to her father. In her hurry, she forgets to take off the villain's ring, she is so 'clumsy and not weary enough' to remember. The girl is killed on the steps of her family home. Dramatically, the ring from the half-blood is revealed to be charmed to poison the girl if she refuses him- if she returned to her pure and safe home. Her father cradles her as she dies, wishing he could have done more to root out the 'evil' before it could take her. Then, the father uses his superior magical power to destroy the suitor. The half-blood's demise is described in great detail. Haunting detail.
Sirius and Regulus cry. They spend the rest of the night afraid. Regulus weeping for the poor girl. Sirius left confused, disgusted, and uncomfortable. Neither of them discuss it, but it's the first time they really hear about death. They of course know of the concept in the abstract, like- 'oh, great uncle Humphrey whom lives in another country, passed. Isn't that unfortunate.' or 'Read this dear, Mr. So-and-so's obituary is in the paper this morning.'. But this was different. It was the first time they hear the process of dying described. It was the first time they were forced to imagine a person being killed.
It left Sirius feeling distressed. A deep discomfort sitting in his chest that he had never felt before. It awakens a...fear of mortality in him. Sirius suddenly realizing that some day he would die. And he had no control over how, when, or with what degree of suffering, it would happen.
Sirius refused to let his mother read to them again. He'd act out every night before bed, anything to make his mother annoyed or angry enough to send them to bed alone. That was when she first began to hate him. Regulus only thanked him for it once.
Eventually, Sirius moved on from the stories, but his imagination didn't. He still pictured his own stories. Those light, death-less things, where all the villains needed to do was cry for mercy and Sirius would graciously give it. He imagined refusing to give mercy only once. It made him feel weird, so he returned to those endings where the villain ended up in his arms, impressed by his power and spewing his praises.
Muggles really know how to entertain themselves, Sirius finds out.
He figures this out as his disobedience and hostility towards his parents begins to bloom. He spends less time at 12 Grimmauld, and more out in the streets and around parks. At least, between he and Reg's tutoring.
He's around ten or approaching twelve when he finds his first muggle comic. It's called Ally Sloper and is filled with little, unmoving, comic stripes. Black and white images of different characters, everyday people, getting into silly but relatable (to muggles) situations. Mainly the titular Ally Sloper. He spends most of the comic hiding from people he owes money to, mainly in alleyways. The comic features a great deal of, what Sirius learns is 'cartoon-ish' violence. People, almost always men, being hurt in ways that are dramatic or 'realistically' would be quite painful. Only, the people never stay hurt. They usually just take their lumps and move on. There is no painfully real death involved. Only the fun of violence, a joke version of it.
He's closer to twelve when he finds an American comic. It is left abandoned beneath a park bench, clearly dropped and forgotten, probably by a tourist or American traveler. It's- as Sirius would insist -the bright colors on the cover that grab Sirius' attention, not the underdressed woman. The thing is covered by bright reds, blues, and yellows; with a woman in an action scene on the front. Big, bold, red letters spell out 'Wonder Woman'. Sirius has never heard of anything like it before. The woman wears what he can only guess is a swimsuit or cozzie, with black hair and holding a rope. She looks powerful, Sirius is surprised to decide. She looks very strong as she stands tall on the cover. She is also unappoigically American too. With her 'suit' printed proudly in red, white, and blue. It looks like she's practically wearing their flag.
Sirius couldn't refuse his curiosity. Even if the comic was muggle.
He reads the thing in one sitting, hiding under a tree at the park. Staying out long past what his parents have begrudgingly allowed. They still think he's just starting a 'rebellious phase'. They still laugh at his 'attention seeking'. But Sirius doesn't care if they don't take him seriously, in fact he's thankful, it allows him the chance to find and read his new treasure.
Sirius learns that the woman has amazing powers, she is practically immortal. She spends most of the comic saving people and beating up bad guys. But...she also...well... Sirius finds himself confused and fascinated by another part of the comic. While he enjoys that same, silly and unserious cartoon fighting, he also is fascinated by what happens sometimes, after she's won or lost. There is a great deal of people being tied up.
It happens to Wonder Woman herself more than anyone else, which Sirius is confused to find fascinates him. Diana Prince, Wonder Woman, is supposed to be super strong, magical even, but oftentimes she is the one on the wrong end of the rope. Sirius finds that annoying at first, but he still can't look away. One of the times Diana is being kind by allowing herself to be tied up. She's outnumbered by a group of women, and as to not hurt them with her magnificent power, she allows them to tie her up. That time Sirius isn't annoyed, he re-reads the page, eyeing the pictures for a long time. He thinks it is very heroic of her to allow the weaker opponents to gain the upper hand, even though she could have harmed them instead. It's a new kind of mercy.
One page shows Wonder Woman tying another woman to a chair. The woman wails that it is too tight, she begs for the ropes to be looser. Wonder Woman refuses, instead gently mocking her weakness and commenting that girls from her homeland could easily escape from bonds this loose. It then becomes odd to see Wonder Woman in the more...Sirius isn't sure what to call it, maybe 'in charge' role. It almost seems too easy for her to win. Sirius likes it better when she's the one getting tied up.
Which she does, over and over again. Sirius reads about- stares at -her being tied up by other women over and over. Sometimes Diana even asks for it, or that they tie her tighter. She even gets spanked at one part, which really confuses Sirius, since he's been spanked twice before, and that hurt way worse than Diana makes it seem. Though, Sirius supposes that's because she's got superpowers.
There is also another part that both fascinated and confuses him. Sometimes the comic would tell him exactly what Diana was thinking in certain scenes. The Wonder Woman's internal struggles or monologues given to only the reader. At one of these parts, her thinking truly confuses him. She mentions how some people want to be 'slaves', how there is 'no harm' in that. How all that matters is if those 'beloved' slaves make sure their 'masters are good'. That slaves do well under 'kind and good mistresses'.
Sirius places the comic back underneath the bench once he's finished it. Well, once he's finished it, and finished looking back at certain parts. More than once. He walks home very confused, and sure of his choice to leave the muggle comic behind. Then it rains that evening, and Sirius finds himself sneaking out to retrieve the comic. He hides it in his room after sneakily drying it out. It remains there for years. Until his mother finds it during one of there later, more heated spats.
His mother burns it after seeing the first questionable image.
And so Sirius must say goodbye to Diana Prince, the Wonder Woman.
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