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…we haven’t found anything useful yet, sir. Although, after careful consideration, I believe that our next conquest should be the superhero known as Spider-Man, aka Peter Benjamin Parker.”
The commander gave his second-in-command a stiff nod, before turning and scrutinizing the data more carefully. After a brief pause, the commander’s glowing red eyes shifted to the imprisoned superheroes, suspended in their cells, effectively prevented from using their powers.
“Yes, it would seem that Mr. Parker would be most…helpful,” the commander agreed, slowly.
Just as the words were spoken, a prisoner yanked aggressively on their chains, yet they were unable to break its unyielding hold.
The commander turned to the prisoner with a knowing smirk. “Ah, Mr. Wilson, something to say on the matter?”
Deadpool yanked on the chains in a threatening manner again, although it was to no avail.
“So possessive, however you’ve never been with Mr. Parker, like the others, but you want to be. Oh, yes,” the commander goaded the ex-mercenary, before directing his focus on his second-in-command incredulously.
“Every single one of them?” The commander said through a sharp exhale of air.
“Aside from Mr. Wilson, yes,” the second-in-command replied dutifully.
“Even Captain Rogers?” The commander inquired to be certain.
“Yes, sir,” the second-in-command answered patiently.
“Black Widow?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Ant-Man?”
“Yes, sir.”
“The Hulk?”
“…yes, sir.”
“The Falcon?”
“…with the Winter Soldier, sir.”
“…at the same time?”
“Yes sir, I am told it is referred to as a ‘threesome.’”
“Well, what about the man, sort of looking robot?”
“…with the Scarlet Witch, sir.”
“Another threesome?”
“That’s correct, sir.”
“These earthlings are unusual creatures…”
“Yes, sir,” the second-in-command agreed with a small sigh of relief, believing he had assuaged the other alien’s deep curiosity.
“Even the god of thunderclaps?” The commander asked again, squinting at the large man who appeared to be beating their unbreakable observation glass with an electric hammer.
“I believe it’s the god of ‘thunder,’ but yes sir.”
“Well, what about the ‘Man of Steel?’” The commander added in exasperation, gesturing towards another imprisoned hero levering glowing repulsors at his encased fortress with his best ‘come hither face.’
“I believe you are confusing Superman with Iron Man again, sir. But yes.”
“Hmph. And what about the levitating piece of cloth next to the irritated earthling waving his hands in intricate circles?”
“I did not account for the Cloak of Levitation, sir. No, Mr. Parker has not bedded it, although it was not for a lack of trying,” the second-in-command divulged, before coughing awkwardly into his tentacles.
“Just what kind of powers does this Spider-Man have?” The commander whispered in astonishment.
”It’s unclear, sir. Our readings are inconclusive. However, obtaining Mr. Parker’s services is likely the next best course of action,” the second-in-command suggested helpfully.
“Yes, perhaps one or more of them can be persuaded to cooperate,” the commander agreed, rubbing a tentacle against his reptilian-like skin in consideration.
“We could be overestimating Spider-Man as a bargaining chip, of course,” the second-in-command replied with a small shrug.
The commander turned to his second-in-command with a contemplative look. “Perhaps,” he said, before his glowing red eyes scanned the captured heroes, appearing to weigh his options.
His piercing gaze suddenly fixed on Steve Rogers, causing the man’s face to twist in agony as the commander probed his mind, without concern for his prisoner’s suffering.
Captain America fell to the floor of his holding cell, gasping and clutching at his head, just as the commander turned back to his second-in-command victoriously.
“Find me Peter Parker.”
“Right away, sir.”
2 hours later…
“I haven’t slept with any of them!” Peter shouted in outrage, his face flushing a deep crimson, as he pulled with his full strength against the restraints holding him firmly in place.
“Now, Mr. Parker, you don’t think we really believe that do you?” The commander replied, menacingly.
Peter paused in his struggling, and exhaled a big breath, before leveling a glare at the commander. “Just him,” he confessed at last, tilting his head in the direction of one of the encased superheroes.
The commander and his second-in-command frowned at one another, before following Peter’s line of sight.
“The floating piece of fabric?” The commander questioned in confusion.
“No,” Peter replied with an eye roll.
“The wizard next to the cloth beating his hands repeatedly against the glass, mouthing, ‘take me instead?’”
Peter’s face turned beet red, as he averted his gaze, unable to maintain eye contact with the desperate-looking Sorcerer Supreme.
“Maybe?” Peter returned weakly.
“Ha! I think we’ve caught you in your web of lies, Mr. Parker,” The commander laughed, maniacally. “And while we cannot read your mind for some unknown reason, their minds have told us of all that you’ve done with them.”
“…”
“Threesomes, foursomes, sometimes in chains, sometimes with edible undergarments!”
“Woah. Woah. Slow down! I’ve never done, done half those things!” Peter stammered at the commander, swallowing thickly, as a look of panic began to spread across his handsome face.
“So, you admit to doing some of those things?” The commander pressed him.
“Well, uh, yes, but not the threesome, foursome thing! I believe in monogamy! There’s only one person that I’d share my edible undergarments with, and he’s right there!” Peter cried indignantly.
“The cloth of levitating fabric?” The commander questioned him again, looking perplexed.
“For the love of – NO! The really hot, complicated wizard next to it!” Peter shouted in exasperation, his voice echoing off the solid walls of the mothership.
There was silence then, except for Peter’s rapid breathing, and the Avengers looking on in their soundproof prisons, not having heard a word of their conversation.
“Are you saying…saying that all of these superheroes…even Mr. Stark have been thinking these…these thoughts about…about me?” Peter gasped for breath, feeling as if he were on the verge of his breaking point.
“Every one of them,” the second-in-command chimed in, his glowing red eyes wide with excitement at this unexpected turn of events.
“I – I don’t feel so good,” Peter said in a shuddering voice, before his head dropped to his chest.
“Mr. Parker?” The commander asked, somewhat in concern, yet Peter gave no reply, as he had passed out cold. “Did we kill him?”
The second-in-command rushed forward, and began shaking Peter’s shoulder, but the young man remained limp.
“…we may need a new bargaining chip,” he replied with a sheepish little shrug.
End.