Archive of Our Own

~

“Say ‘nighty-night’ and kiss me.
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me.
While I'm alone and blue as can be,
Dream a little dream of me.”

- Dream A Little Dream of Me

~

Among deciduous giants and lush greenery there lies a boy. His hair is the color of summer sunlight, his eyes reminiscent of the cloudless sky. He keeps his fingers intertwined behind his head, his lean frame stretched out in the center of a small clearing. His face stays tilted up, eager to absorb the sun’s rays. It tans his smooth skin, welcomes freckles to the surface, and yet despite its warmth the boy can’t help but feel cold.

Loneliness will do that.

Naruto used to lie in this same spot often wishing to the heavens, to the stars, to sun and moon alike that he would be freed from the pain of it. That ever-present emptiness, the hollow life he had been left with. He pleaded for the universe to have mercy on him the way it seemed to for everyone else. But his pleas were always left unanswered, and the loneliness remained.

He just wanted someone to talk to.

For just one person to actually care about him.

The pain of being so alone, it tore at him- ripping a hole in his chest that always managed to claw its way deeper.

When he was younger, he often succumbed to the agony and would find himself fleeing into the woods, desperate to outrun it. He would run and run until his legs finally gave out, and when he collapsed to the forest floor everything inside would burst from his chest, his throat. He would sob as dense shadows closed in around him, but his wails would go unnoticed. When the tears finally dried, Naruto would simply rise to his feet and walk back to his perpetually empty home.

The forest at night- it never bothered Naruto. He didn’t flinch in its impenetrable darkness or quake in fear as a branch abruptly snapped in the distance.

The woods never felt unsafe to him.

Out here he felt a little less alone than he did everywhere else. The murmurs of rustling leaves, the company of fallen logs, the embrace of unpaved paths- they were consistent. He knew they’d always be there, that they would be waiting for him when he came back.

There was nothing waiting for him at home.

The blonde sighed, letting memories of his past drift away with it, lost in the breeze that mused his hair and tugged at his shirt. The wind was getting stronger, restless, cooling him. Soothing him, while simultaneously pulling him from his slumber.

Or rather, from the memories that plagued it.

Naruto gave a small smile to the forest, showing his appreciation for its continuous company, before closing his eyes once more. He focused on his breathing, the rise and fall of his chest. It steadied, slowed, and a familiar darkness filled his mind. He welcomed the feel of it, was in fact happy to leave everything else behind for a while, but the universe had other plans.

“Naruto.”

The blonde flinched violently, his heart nearly leaping out of his throat. He opened his eyes fast and was surprised to find two obsidian pools staring back at him. He hadn’t even sensed him approaching, and he definitely should have. If it had been an enemy instead, he might not be waking up to anything at all.

He would need to continue with his training, that much was clear, but first he needed to understand what was going on now. Because no one had ever sought him out like this, especially not-

“Sasuke?”

Dark brows furrowed over even darker eyes as the raven-haired boy continued to study him.

Naruto’s skin tightened under that penetrating look, his nerves on high alert. His gaze slipped away from his endless stare to take in the rest of him, and his shock grew. Sasuke was kneeling over him, his hands to either side of his face, knees to either side of his hips. It was the closest Sasuke had ever gotten to him.

The closest anyone has ever gotten.

And Naruto had no idea what to make of it.

Naruto looked up once more, perplexed by his teammate’s uncharacteristic behavior.

“What are you doing..?” he breathed.

Sasuke clenched his jaw tight, forcing a vein to the surface. Naruto’s gaze flitted down to it briefly before he met his eyes once more. It made him a little nervous to see such intensity in them, but he couldn’t seem to look away. Those black holes had ensnared him, and he was powerless to escape.

Sasuke didn’t say a word, though that didn’t exactly surprise him. He usually didn’t. Sasuke was almost always withdrawn- the brooding, silent type through and through. Naruto had tried to get a reaction out of the stubborn raven for years, but most of the time all he managed to get was a quirked brow and an apathetic “hn”.

Naruto had been disappointed by his disinterest at first but soon learned to just accept it- just as he did everything else.

And yet, despite knowing that it was unlikely the raven would say anything, Naruto couldn’t help but ask again. How could he not? This was something he had never experienced with him before.

Was he really supposed to just lay there and accept his strangeness in silence?

“Sasuke..? Why are you-”

Naruto’s tongue suddenly went dry, the words catching deep inside his throat. He had to have imagined it, but he could have sworn he saw something spark in those eyes when he said his name.

Something he shouldn’t have.

His mouth snapped shut, and Sasuke’s eyes followed to linger on his lips. Naruto watched with wide unblinking eyes as Sasuke leaned in, his face slowly drawing closer.

“Don’t move.”

More questions flooded Naruto’s parched throat and tangled with the others, refusing to come out. He wasn’t supposed to move, but Sasuke didn’t stop. He was closing in fast, and Naruto didn’t know what to do about it.

In the end he just laid there, as instructed. He remained perfectly still as long ebony strands brushed against his face, as Sasuke’s breath merged with his own.

Sasuke tilted his head slightly to the side and Naruto managed a breathy “Sasuke” before he pressed his lips against his own, sealing anything else he might have said between them.

Sasuke’s lips were gentle, hesitant- a whisper of a kiss. And yet Naruto froze under the foreign feeling, the slight pressure almost too heavy to bear.

Naruto’s hand was still tucked behind his head, tangled in his own hair, and he slowly pulled it free and moved it towards Sasuke. He wasn’t exactly sure what he planned to do with it, whether he meant to push him away or pull him closer, but the decision was made for him before he could figure it out. Sasuke took hold of his wrist and gently pressed it down in the grass, using just enough strength to keep it there.

Naruto’s eyes widened and he went to do the same with his other hand, but Sasuke simply pressed his forearm against his arm, keeping his fingers trapped in his hair.

The kiss that started off so soft suddenly became urgent, and Naruto’s trepidation quickly turned into full blown panic.

“Mmnph!”

He tried to pull his face away, but Sasuke pressed his hand against it, keeping their lips locked and his struggles pointless. Another desperate sound slipped between them, and whatever spell the raven had been under dissipated.

Sasuke pulled back, but when it looked like Naruto was going to speak he hurriedly slammed his hand over his lips- silencing them once more.

“Don’t say it” he murmured. “In fact, just don’t say anything.”

And then he was gone.

And Naruto was once again alone in the woods, left with far too many thoughts and no one to share them with.

~

Team 7 gathered in their usual spot the next day in the same fashion that they always did. Sakura fiddled with her hair and flirted endlessly with Sasuke, to no avail. The raven was just as disinterested as he always was, and Kakashi was already a half hour late.

Naruto knew he was expected to act as he normally did as well, to be boisterous and predictable, but he just couldn’t do it. Every attempted smile felt faker than the last, so eventually he just gave up on it. And he couldn’t find it in him to give Sakura any semblance of attention this time either. There just wasn’t enough to spare. All of it was locked on Sasuke, and Sasuke alone.

The mysterious raven avoided meeting his stare, so he wasn’t sure that he noticed, but Sakura had.

And she wasn’t happy about.

His pink-haired teammate narrowed her eyes and marched over to the unsuspecting blonde, deep wrinkles etched in her wide forehead as she approached. Naruto still had yet to look her way, and her anger surged. Without warning Sakura pulled her arm back and punched him in the head as hard as she could. The sound shot through the clearing, sending startled birds in flight.

“Stop staring at Sasuke like that, asshole!”

“Ahh! Jesus, Sakura- what was that for?”

“You know what it was for! I saw you glaring at Sasuke!”

Naruto rubbed the lump on the back of his head, a frown tugging at his face. “I wasn’t glaring..” he grumbled.

“You’re such a liar. You know you’re not half the ninja Sasuke is. It’s obvious that you’re jealous! You’ve always been petty, Naruto, and now-”

“That’s enough.”

The two froze before whipping their heads to the side to stare in shock as Sasuke walked over to them.

Sakura blushed, her assumption always being that he shared her feelings of affection and was finally ready to expose them. So she was even more surprised when Sasuke slipped between them not to offer himself to her but rather to face off against her.

He wasn’t here on her behalf.

He was here on Naruto’s.

The raven threw his arm out, keeping Naruto behind him as he glared daggers at their impudent teammate.

“Not another word, Sakura.”

“But Sasuke-!”

Dark eyes narrowed, instantly silencing her protests. “I won’t repeat myself” he said darkly.

Sakura looked back and forth between the two, noticing the confusion in Naruto’s eyes, the anger in Sasuke’s. Heat rose up her neck and reddened her face.

“Fine” she choked, barely managing to force back tears. “But he doesn’t deserve it.”

Then she turned on her heels and fled, desperate to escape her crush’s disapproval.

Sasuke stared after her for a moment longer, irritated that she had gotten the last word, before turning around to face his other comrade.

Naruto openly stared at him, utterly bewildered. “The hell was that?”

Sasuke’s eyes flared with renewed anger, and Naruto found himself taking a step back.

“She hit you” Sasuke grated out, taking a step forward.

Naruto matched it with another step back. “She always hits me.”

“And it always pisses me off.”

Another step forward.

“You’ve never acted like this before.”

Another step back.

“I was holding back” Sasuke countered as he continued to approach the retreating blonde.

“For.. how long?” Naruto asked nervously.

His back hit the trunk of a towering oak, and his breath hitched in his throat. He watched Sasuke close in and wondered if he should run, if Sakura was the smart one in all of this for doing just that.

“How long do you think?” Sasuke murmured.

Naruto swallowed. “Why are you acting like this?”

“It’s not an act.”

“Sasuke-”

A hand reached towards him and Naruto flinched back, pressing further into the tree behind him.

Sasuke paused, frowning at his reaction. But he shoved down his disappointment rather quickly, prepared to finish what he had already started. He buried his hand in Naruto’s lush locks and jerked him forward.

Naruto moved fast and slammed his hand over Sasuke’s mouth. “Do you know where we are right now?!”

Sasuke grabbed his wrist and forced it down. “What was that for?”

“What was- are you crazy? People could see you!”

“So.”

“So? So?!”

“Calm down, dobe.”

Naruto gave him a confused look, his chest seizing under the weighted one he gave back.

“What’s gotten into you?” he said quietly. “Why would you..” Naruto’s face reddened. “Why would you kiss me?”

“Because I want to.”

Naruto shook his head. “That doesn’t make sense. You hate me.”

“I’ve never hated you.”

“Pfft- you have a funny way of showing it..”

Sasuke fingered golden strands, watching closely as the blonde shivered beneath his touch. “I didn’t think I could.”

“Then what changed?”

Sasuke gave a small smile, one that warmed Naruto more than the heat of his embarrassment, the summer rays, and his thick orange jacket. One that he felt down to his marrows.

He had never seen a more beautiful sight.

“Everything” Sasuke murmured as he leaned in, his smile finally reaching the darkness in his eyes.

“Everything’s changed.”

Then he kissed him again.

And Naruto thoroughly surprised both of them when he kissed him back.

~

”Naruto? Naruto, hey, wake up.”

The blonde groaned and swatted at the irritant. “Nnhn. Five more minutes.”

Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose with a heavy sigh. “This kid..”

He gave another exasperated sigh as he slid his one revealed eye back to the stubborn blonde sprawled across the forest floor.

“Ninjas should be light sleepers, Naruto.”

The comment didn’t appear to bother the shinobi in the slightest. Naruto just turned on his side to face away from his sensei, who was becoming increasingly more impatient by the second.

“If you don’t get up, I’m sending Sakura over.”

Kakashi figured it was a fifty-fifty chance that the threat would work. Naruto was well aware that Sakura would resort to violence the second he ignored her, and she was a lot stronger now than she used to be. Tsunade had created quite the monster.

But still, nothing.

He considered throwing Sai in the ring, but one look at the spacey kid changed his mind. Sai would have a million questions for him first and undoubtably several bizarre anecdotes to share- and Kakashi wasn’t in a frame of mind to placate him.

And then it occurred to him.

The one person Naruto would get up for, the one who held more sway over him than anyone else ever could, was none other than-

“Fine. I guess Sasuke can wait.”

Naruto’s eyes shot open, and he quickly sat up, his focus now wholly on his sensei. “You found him?”

“Pakkun picked up on his scent. He thinks we’re close.”

Naruto leapt to his feet and quickly fumbled with his clothes. Kakashi looked away as the blonde changed and complained.

“Why didn’t you wake me sooner? We need to move fast if we don’t want to lose him again! You know that!”

“Calm down, Naruto. The ninken just reported in. You haven’t missed anything.”

Naruto nodded as he gathered his supplies and tossed it in his pack.

“Are we ready? Where’s Sai and Sakura?”

“Should be finishing up now.”

“Sai!! Sakura!!” he shouted, the shrill sound relentlessly ringing in Kakashi’s skull. “Come on! Let’s go!”

Naruto raced over to Pakkun and the dog’s fellow ninja canines. “Pakkun, let’s go!”

The small dog looked past the anxious blonde and over to the only person he’d actually take orders from. Kakashi noticed the look and turned to the others.

“Are we all ready to head out?” he asked at a reasonable tone- unlike a certain someone.

“Yes” Sakura said, her voice heavy with unsaid things, “I’m ready.”

Sai looked at the others in turn before shifting his hollow stare to his blonde comrade. “Naruto is.. upset, I think. We should leave now.”

Naruto didn’t comment. In fact, no one did.

They didn’t need to.

With a slight nod the team leapt into the trees and kept close as the dogs led them out. Silence settled between them, thick with tension, though no one was willing to break it. Sakura looked like she wanted to, but Kakashi caught her eye and quietly convinced her otherwise. Naruto wasn’t in the headspace to hear it- that much was clear.

The blonde hasn’t been himself since Sasuke left. Training with Jiraiya had helped a bit, a distraction he desperately needed, but once daily life slipped back into place it was hard to ignore how much he had changed.

The loud abrasive kid was far more withdrawn now. He had exchanged his vibrant orange for black, a wide undaunted grin for a somber half-hearted attempt. The team wasn’t used to this melancholy version of Naruto, but they understood it. Or at least they thought they did.

Sasuke left, hell- he had left Naruto for dead- and he never fully recovered. Physically Naruto was fine. His relationship with the Kyuubi had improved immensely and his body was in peak condition with the fox’s help, but there was nothing he could do for his mind.

His heart.

None of them knew just how close Naruto and Sasuke had gotten, but Kakashi had his suspicions. They were all sad to lose a comrade, but it didn’t compare to how Naruto felt. And he had a feeling he knew why.

Kakashi hadn’t thought much of it at the time, but now it all made sense. Their lingering looks, the many occasions where they would run off to train on their own. Kakashi attributed their flushed faces and disheveled clothes to fighting and hadn’t given it a second thought. But now he had a feeling that it had been something else entirely.

How could you do this to him, Sasuke? he thought for what felt like the hundredth time. How could you just leave him like that?

But he knew why.

They all did.

Revenge was one hell of a motivator. One that could easily become an obsession. One that obscured everything else.

Even love.

~

The team reached their destination far sooner than expected.

In fact, it made them all incredibly uneasy.

Something about it wasn’t right. They checked the perimeter, seeking out any traps or signs of enemies, but there seemed to be nothing. They couldn’t find any reason to stop there, but they kept their guard up and remained wary as they pushed past the weakened barrier and into the poorly hidden bunker.

Kakashi wanted to reconvene once they were inside, but Naruto wasn’t willing to wait. Time and experience had taught him not to leap into the unknown as eagerly as he used to, but he couldn’t help but go back to old habits.

He never did think things through when it came to Sasuke.

He’s here. I know he is.

The thought twisted his insides into tight coils that were ready to spring from his chest at any moment, but it didn’t stop him from sprinting down the corridor. The way Sasuke had left.. it still tore at Naruto, but that didn’t mean he was willing to give up on him. He couldn’t. Sasuke was his first love.

His only love.

He wasn’t ready to let him go.

The anxious blonde threw open every door along the way, seeking out long raven-colored hair, that perfect porcelain face, but so far there was nothing. The place appeared to be abandoned, but he was sure he had sensed him. Sasuke was here.

Somewhere.

Naruto could feel tears gathering in the back of his throat with every empty room, every failed search. He couldn’t handle another dead end. He just couldn’t. He’s been chasing after Sasuke for three years. Three heart-wrenching years. And the most he’s managed were a few failed pleas and meager sightings.

He followed after every rumor, leaving no stone unturned, but he always seemed to be a step behind.

He thought Kakashi and Sakura would have given up by now, but for some bizarre reason they stayed with him. Even Sai, who didn’t know Sasuke and had no reason to be invested in their search, stayed by his side every step of the way.

Naruto couldn’t fathom why they would do it. Sure, Sakura has always had a thing for Sasuke, but it was blatantly obvious that it was one-sided. Sasuke had made that perfectly clear well before he left. And Kakashi- yes, Sasuke had been his star pupil, but that didn’t mean he had to commit his entire life to getting him back.

But would they really do all of this for me..?

Naruto couldn’t imagine that they would. They may have come to accept him, to rely on him, but he was still a vessel for a tailed beast. Did they really trust him?

Maybe that’s why they’re here, he thought.

Maybe they’re just keeping an eye on me- making sure that I don’t lose control and unleash Kurama’s power on innocent bystanders.

That seemed far more likely to him.

Naruto shook his head.

It doesn’t matter. All that matters is finding Sasuke. I don’t care what their motivation is- just as long as it means we’ll find him.

That we’ll bring him back home.

Naruto was abruptly pulled from his thoughts when a hand roughly grabbed his arm and jerked him back. He stumbled over his feet and looked over in surprise to find Sakura staring back at him.

“This way” she murmured.

Naruto looked over her shoulder and noticed a brilliant light at the far end of a corridor to their right. It looked like the wall had been blown out and natural light was attempting to force its way inside. The remnants of a battle.

Or an escape.

It was as good a guess as any.

Naruto nodded and the two silently raced down the adjacent corridor, their sights set on the opening yawning before them. He could hear Kakashi and Sai rushing to join them, and just as they were about to reach the end, another hand lurched out and pulled Naruto back.

Naruto opened his mouth to protest, but a hand slammed down over his lips, silencing him. Kakashi pulled him back against his chest, keeping him close so his voice wouldn’t carry beyond him.

Naruto turned his head to glare up at his sensei, clearly irritated to be stopped again, but the look didn’t seem to bother the jonin. Kakashi leaned down, bringing his masked mouth close to his ear.

“If he’s out there, we need to be smart about this” he muttered. “Rush in and you’ll just chase him away.”

“Mnhn.”

Kakashi eyed the blonde, noting the stubborn fire in his eyes.

“I mean it, Naruto.”

Naruto glared a moment longer before finally relenting. He slid his gaze away from his sensei and his shoulders fell, all fight falling to his feet.

Kakashi finally released him, but kept a hand on his shoulder. He nodded to the others, sending them ahead. He figured it would be better getting them in position first. That way if Naruto was reactive, if he lost control, they would be able to work together to fix it.

At first Naruto let him hold him back, but it wasn’t long before he was tearing away from him and rushing out to join the others.

The light blinded him at first, a violent contrast to the dim hideout, but he managed to blink his vision back into focus as he came to a skidding halt.

When he could properly see again, he found that they were standing in a massive canyon. Broken rubble and debris lay scattered at their feet and a towering wall of solid rock rose before them. His eyes trailed up its length and locked onto a figure standing perfectly still on its edge. The sun made it difficult to get a clear look, but even so Naruto immediately knew who it was.

“Sasuke…”

He couldn’t have heard him. His name was barely a whisper- strained, weak- and yet he got the sense that he did. Naruto could feel his eyes on him, through him. He opened his mouth to say more, but he couldn’t seem to find the words. In the end all he could think to say was his name again. Which is exactly what he started to do, but half of it lodged in his throat before he could say the rest.

“Sa-”

He blinked and suddenly there he was, standing in front of him. Cerulean eyes widened, but the rest of him was frozen. He almost forgot to breathe. Sasuke on the other hand was perfectly cool and composed- the same Uchiha he always was in front of other people.

When it wasn’t just the two of them.

It pained Naruto to see it now.

He furrowed his brows, confused and hurt, and finally managed to find his voice. “Sasuke, you’re.. you’re here.”

The raven quirked a brow. “Were you expecting someone else?”

Sasuke lifted his gaze to the rest of the team, eyeing each in turn, before turning his attention back to the flustered blonde before him.

“You and I need to talk” he said smoothly. “Alone.”

Kakashi shoved his headband up as he took a step towards them, revealing the piercing sharingan beneath it. He narrowed his mismatched gaze and took another step closer.

“That’s not happening, Sasuke.”

Sasuke glared over at the silver-haired jonin, irritated by his self assurance. “I’m not giving him a choice, Kakashi.”

They all acted at once, hands moving fast, chakra flaring to life, but Sasuke was quicker than all of them. He wrapped an arm around Naruto and instantly shifted out of view.

“Fuck!”

Kakashi spun around, seeking them out, but Sakura spotted them first.

“There!”

He looked over at the girl and found her pointing back up the cliff. He followed her gaze and found the two perched on the edge. Sasuke’s arm was still wrapped securely around Naruto, and Naruto was still in a state of utter shock.

Dammit, Naruto, snap out of it!

“Sasuke! Let him go!”

The raven studied the blonde in his arms, the man his first love had become. His eyes drifted to those wide ocean blues and immediately sank into their depths. He swallowed hard, forcing back feelings he shouldn’t be having anymore.

“I did” he murmured, not sure that Kakashi could even hear him from where he stood and yet still compelled to answer him. “Three years ago.”

“I didn’t” Naruto whispered back, unable to stop himself. “I never did.”

Naruto was surprised to see a flash of pain in those dark eyes. He thought that he had imagined it at first. It seemed unlikely that he’d see anything of the sort, especially now.

It was more humanity than he’s seen in him in years.

“Sasuke..”

The raven kept his eyes on the blonde as he addressed their sensei, his voice now loud enough to carry across the canyon.

“Don’t wait for him” he said firmly. “I’ll return him when I’m done.”

Cerulean eyes widened. “What are you-”

Naruto’s breath snagged in his throat, instantly silencing him. His eyes shot down to his feet, or rather where they used to be. Because they were no longer there. In their place rose a flame, or at least the illusion of one. It consumed him and Sasuke alike, like fire to parchment.

Naruto knew it was a jutsu, but he didn’t know anything about it. Like how to stop it, or where Sasuke was taking him. His eyes shot over to his team, to his sensei, wide with sudden concern.

Kakashi shifted out of sight and reappeared before them, but by then it was too late. He exchanged one final look of panic with Naruto and then he was gone.

They both were.

Kakashi roughly dragged his fingers through his hair, then spun around and shouted into the empty clearing.

“Goddamnit!!”

His voice echoed back from the canyon, mocking him. Shoving his failure in his face over and over, tormenting him with it. Kakashi dropped his head in shame, wondering what horrors he had just sent Naruto to.

And whether or not he would ever see his student again.

~

Naruto blinked and suddenly they were in a forest. One he didn’t recognize. He still didn’t understand how Sasuke did it, but now wasn’t the time to ask. He had more pressing matters to focus on.

While he missed Sasuke’s touch, his company, he didn’t know what to make of all of this, and he couldn’t just accept it in silence.

Naruto’s shock was finally beginning to wear off, and with it his passiveness. He quickly tore out of Sasuke’s arms and stumbled back, forcing some distance between them. And yet, his eyes never left his face. He was alarmed to be captured by him like this, but just as equally terrified that Sasuke would slip away from him again. That he would disappear.

Just like before.

“What is this, Sasuke? What are you planning? What do you want?”

His voice cracked, shattering under the weight of the emotions pressing down on him. He hoped the raven hadn’t noticed.

“I could say the same to you, Naruto.”

The blonde clenched his jaw and hardened his stare. “You know what I want.”

Sasuke’s lips curled, the slightest hint of a smile. But there was cruelty in it. Love and malice merged into one.

It was an unsettling sight.

“Me- right? To return to the Leaf and live some simple life with you?”

Naruto flinched. “You didn’t always hate that, Sasuke.”

“You don’t know as much as you think you do, Naruto.”

“I know about Itachi.”

Sasuke took an angry step towards him. “Don’t say his name around me.”

“Sasuke, there are things you don’t know.”

The raven scoffed at that, though his eyes remained as cold as ever. “And you do?”

Sad blue eyes looked back, and suddenly Sasuke did want to know. He wanted to know why Naruto looked at him like that, why he wasn’t the same kid he knew anymore. What happened to make him seem so dejected, so lost? When did he stop wearing orange? Why was he so thin now? Why wasn’t he rushing into his arms and begging for him to come home?

Where was the Naruto he used to know?

“I’ve confronted Itachi more than you probably have these last three years” Naruto muttered. “So yes, I do know.”

“So, what? You’re his puppet now?”

“No.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. “I know three years is a long time, Naruto, but you didn’t have to go fuck my brother behind my back. If you really needed to-”

Naruto slammed his fist in the Uchiha’s face, sending him flying back. Sasuke looked up to find Naruto’s entire body engulfed in feral chakra, his glare just as sharp as his elongated canines. A guttural growl fell from his lips, and when he spoke what came out wasn’t Naruto.

At least, not entirely.

“You have no right to say that to me.”

Sasuke wiped the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand and straightened before him. “Am I wrong?” he sneered.

“You know you are” Naruto snarled back. “And even if you weren’t, it’s none of your fucking business. Not anymore.”

Sasuke’s eyes hardened.

“Well, I’m making it my business.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

Sasuke flashed out of view and reappeared directly before the blonde. When their eyes met Naruto found crimson pools staring back at him, a sharingan spinning inside. Before he could react, Sasuke was in his head- sinking into that dark place deep inside where his demon resided.

He watched the Uchiha force Kurama to his knees, demanding his obedience, before pulling away. And when Naruto’s mind cleared, he found that he was entirely himself again. The demonic chakra had dissipated, his canines retracted, and the angry inferno roaring inside of him flitted out to mere embers.

Naruto stared at the raven, equal parts horrified and impressed. “How did you do that..?” he breathed.

“Turns out Uchihas have held power over the Kyuubi for quite some time.”

Naruto still didn’t understand and neither Kurama nor Sasuke bothered to explain it.

It irritated him to no end.

“What do you want, Sasuke?” he said quietly. “Why am I here?”

“That should be obvious by now.”

He grabbed Naruto’s jaw, squeezing down hard as he leaned in, forcing their eyes to meet.

“I want you.”

Naruto gave him an incredulous look. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Does it look like I’m kidding?”

Naruto jerked out of his grasp and shoved him back hard, renewed rage flaring through him.

“You fucking left, Sasuke! You left me and you never once looked back! And what, now that you’re horny I’m worth something to you?!”

“That’s not what this is.”

Naruto gave him a disgusted look, one that struck several chords. Sasuke grated his teeth together as Naruto shoved him back another step, forcing more space between them.

“Don’t touch me.”

Sasuke eyed the blonde, not in the least bit convinced by the act.

“I know you don’t mean it, Naruto. What’s the point of playing this game?”

“The fuck did you just-”

“You’re not weak” Sasuke said firmly. “If you really wanted to get away you would.”

Naruto could feel tears gathering in the back of his throat once more, and it horrified him. He would never be able to live with himself if he cried in front of Sasuke now. He was already so ashamed of everything he was feeling, he couldn’t add anything else to it.

“Stop” he said weakly, though they both knew he didn’t mean it.

“If that’s really what you want” Sasuke murmured, “then make me.”

Then he walked back to him, pulled him close, and kissed him. And, despite all of his posturing, Naruto kissed him back.

As they both knew he would.

~

Naruto never intended to let it get this far. Sasuke had hurt him, had abandoned him- he didn’t deserve his devotion, his affection, and yet..

He just couldn’t help it.

Life without Sasuke was agony.

That same loneliness he knew as a kid made a brutal return when he had left him. If anything, it was far worse as an adult.

Before his relationship with Sasuke, all Naruto knew was loneliness. He didn’t know what it was like to not be alone. To not constantly be so fucking miserable that you contemplated the relief of an early death. He had briefly had a taste of what a better life could be with Sasuke, and then just as quickly had it viciously torn away from him.

He never recovered from that.

So, when Sasuke kissed him, Naruto couldn’t help but cling to him and kiss him back- with just as much fervor and passion as he did when they were teenagers. Lithe fingers tore off his jacket, slipped under his shirt, and Naruto let him. He arched into his touch, desperate for more of it. To feel something after so many years of being fucking numb.

Sasuke buried a hand in his hair and roughly forced him closer as he shoved his tongue inside, eager to taste him. Naruto’s eyes rolled before fluttering shut as Sasuke’s tongue slid across his own, as his mouth practically devoured him.

“Mmnhnn..”

He could feel his want hardening between them, could feel Sasuke’s doing the same, and knew what he wanted.

What they both wanted.

Sasuke’s cool fingers dipped between them, fumbling with his pants and, despite Naruto’s better judgment, he let him. He shivered as the clasp became undone, as the knot in his chest instantly did the same.

Sasuke’s hand slid down under his clothes, his boxers, and grabbed his engorged length. Naruto groaned against his lips. He could feel Sasuke’s slight smile against him, but Naruto quickly licked it away- busying his mouth once more.

He forced his pants further down his thighs, giving Sasuke better access as he pumped his want- his fingers rough and impatient. Naruto clung to him, trembling violently as he thrust into his hand, moaning into his mouth. Sasuke’s pace quickened and Naruto’s mind filled with a brilliant earth-shattering light. He tensed against the raven’s calloused palm as his climax shot through him, shaking him to his core.

Sasuke angled his hand, making sure to catch every last drop. Just like he used to.

And Naruto knew why.

He barely managed to peel his eyes open, to catch his breath, before Sasuke spun him around and bent him over. Naruto clutched the tree closest to him, steadying his weak knees, preparing himself for what comes next. Unable to stop himself from letting him.

Sasuke coated his fingers with Naruto’s cum and gently pushed one inside, preparing his tight hole for something a hell of a lot bigger. Naruto gasped at the sudden intrusion and fought to breathe through it, to loosen the tension in his body. Sasuke didn’t wait long before forcing in a second digit, stretching him more as he used the rest of Naruto’s release to coat his cock.

Naruto’s pained groans calmed, and Sasuke took that as a sign that he was ready for more. He grabbed the blonde’s hip with one hand as he pressed down on his back with the other, forcing his ass up and his readied entrance closer. He moaned at the sight and pushed his tip between plump cheeks, slowly burying his want inside.

“Ahhh!”

Naruto cried out as he thrust deeper, but Sasuke couldn’t stop. His hole was so slick and hot, so deliciously tight- and he was desperate to fully sheath himself inside.

Sasuke pulsed his hips, hoping to stretch his blonde, to ease his pain. He could feel him trembling against him, could see his shoulders tense, his fingers dig into bark as he held on for dear life. Sasuke clenched his jaw, shaking with the effort it took not to viciously slam into him- to fuck him raw as he shrieked beneath him.

But he wanted to.

God, he really fucking wanted to.

“Nnghnn.. god, Naruto..” He shoved himself deeper. “You feel so fucking good..”

Naruto gasped and Sasuke forced his entire length inside, letting his blonde’s tight little hole swallow him completely. He paused to lean forward and grasped Naruto’s chin, forcing his head to the side.

Tears cascaded down his beautiful face, his kiss-swollen lips parted and glistening, drawing him in. Sasuke propped his forearm on the tree, and leaned closer to capture his mouth again. To silence and soothe his pain.

Naruto kissed him back with fervor, just as desperate to release the tension and ease his aches. His mind swam and his agony faded as Sasuke’s taste- his scent- consumed him. And he sank deeper.

Sasuke felt Naruto relax against him and immediately started moving. He kept their lips pressed tight as he pulled his hips back and thrust into him- over and over and over.

His pace grew faster, his thrusts rougher. He straightened so they could both catch their breath as he fucked him harder. Their groans escalated to passionate cries as Naruto shoved his ass back, matching every thrust with one of his own. His stomach tightened as his climax pulsed deep in his groin, desperate to break free. Sasuke felt his own building and reached around his blonde to grab his length, pumping his hand in time to every thrust.

He rammed into him without abandon as they each fought for a release, and when it finally tore through them their cries merged into one- Sasuke’s name shooting across the clearing as Naruto’s did the same.

Echoes of their climax pulsed through them, weakening their knees and inevitably sending them to the forest floor. Naruto collapsed, his pants still shoved halfway down his thighs and Sasuke was quick to join him. They laid side by side, breathing heavily and staring up at the darkening sky, enjoying the remnants of their heated passion, the cooling breeze, the comforting silence.

Sasuke tore his gaze away from the oaks hovering above and propped himself up to look down at the spent blonde below. And when Naruto turned his head to do the same, something in Sasuke sparked- a part of himself he thought he had lost a long time ago.

“Naruto-”

That was it.

That’s all it took to break whatever spell he had over him- the delusions their desire had clouded their minds with. Those brilliant blues widened, and Sasuke was dismayed to find horror flickering in their depths.

“What have I done..” Naruto breathed.

Sasuke’s eyes hardened. “Don’t.”

Naruto shot up fast as everything caught up with him- the heartache, the betrayal, and what he had done despite all of it.

He already knew that Sasuke had no intention of being with him, of returning to him.

He took him to fuck him.

And Naruto had let him.

The blonde hurriedly pulled his pants back up, his hands shaking- making the task far more difficult. Sasuke slowly sat up with him, his eyes locked on his face, studying every emotion that flashed across it.

None of them were reassuring.

“Naruto, this isn’t what I-”

“What you what?” Naruto choked, tears filling his eyes and lodging in his throat. “Are you seriously going to pretend that you didn’t bring me here to fuck me?!”

Sasuke’s clenched his jaw hard. “That wasn’t what I was doing.”

Naruto gave a pained laugh as he dragged his fingers through his already disheveled locks. “This was..”

He forced back tears threatening to break free, to humiliate him even more.

“This was a mistake.”

Sasuke reached for him, but Naruto quickly scrambled away. He stumbled to his feet, and Sasuke slowly rose to his own- his stare unwavering.

“Just wait” he tried, not completely sure what else he meant to say to him. What more he could say. It had not been his intention to take advantage of him, but he didn’t regret what they did. And he wasn’t happy to see that Naruto did.

“For what, Sasuke? What else do you want from me?!”

The raven took a step forward, but Naruto jolted further back- keeping his distance.

“I..”

Sasuke paused. What do I want?

“.. I want you to stay.”

Naruto gave him an incredulous look. “It didn’t matter when that’s what I wanted.”

Sasuke didn’t know what to say, so he fell silent. Naruto shook his head.

“I know that’s not what you want. You only want me when it’s convenient. But it’s not anymore. I.. I’m just in the way.”

“I never said that.”

A single tear escaped the rest and slipped down Naruto’s scarred cheek. Uninterrupted, it slipped down his jaw and plunged to the ground- to its demise. Sasuke tracked its path, guilt swirling in his chest.

Naruto turned away from eyes that saw too much. “You didn’t have to” he choked.

Sasuke took a step towards him, but Naruto maintained his distance. He wouldn’t let him get close.

Not again.

“It doesn’t have to be this way” Sasuke said quietly.

Another tear fell to join his comrade, though by the time it did it was too late.

It was already gone. 

“I wish that was true” Naruto said sadly, “but this- this is the same. Nothing’s changed, Sasuke. We both know you’ll leave again. And maybe.. maybe it’s time I do it first.”

Panic flooded the raven’s chest, and he was suddenly, inexplicably desperate to make him stay. “Just wait a second!”

But he didn’t.

Sasuke blinked,

and Naruto was gone.

~

Naruto wasn’t sure how long he had walked. He was in a daze, so lost in his own swirling thoughts that he didn’t even notice the passing of day and night. He wasn’t sure how many went by and had no general sense of where he was going. He just.. walked.

He walked until he couldn’t.

And when exhaustion claimed his body, his mind, he inevitably succumbed to it. His legs gave out, his eyes rolled, and he dropped heavily to the ground. His head hit the unforgiving surface harder than expected and dark splotches flooded his vision. He didn’t bother fighting it- he saw no reason to.

He felt his body go limp, felt his mind sink deeper into the void, and then he was consumed by it.

And honestly, he hoped that it wouldn’t ever come back.

~

“Naruto? Naruto, can you hear me?”

The blonde groaned, annoyed by the pestering voice in his ear, the aching from the time he spent with Sasuke and the mindless wandering he did after. He wasn’t ready to open his eyes, to face the pitiful life he had left and the choices that had fucked it up in the first place, but it looked like Kakashi wasn’t going to give him that option.

After several more attempts, Naruto finally gave in. “Why.. can’t you just let me-”

die

”-sleep?” he mumbled, ignoring the intrusive thought in favor of the one everyone else would rather hear.

He opened one eye to find Kakashi’s worried one staring back at him. The jonin’s brows furrowed, his concern deepening. He heard his words falter and seemed to read between the lines.

“Naruto, what happened between you and Sasuke?”

The blonde gave him a pained look then quickly closed his eye, shutting him and the rest of the world out. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Naruto-”

“Just drop it!” he shouted, startling the entire team. “Don’t.. don’t say his name in front of me.”

Sakura spun around, her eyes wide with shock. “You’re serious?”

Naruto swallowed hard. “I’m serious.”

Kakashi wondered over the blonde, and considered pushing him to reveal more, but in the end he decided against it. Clearly something happened between the two- and it was just as clear that Naruto had no intention of sharing what it was.

Though, I can’t help but wonder if they-

Kakashi shook his head, clearing the thoughts he’d rather not have. But not before another slipped in to take its place.

God, I hope you didn’t do that to him Sasuke.

Please tell me you didn’t take him, use him, and toss him aside all over again.

He gazed down at the dejected blonde lying beside him, watching as he curled up tight- wrapping his arms around his small frame, protecting himself from the world.

Could Sasuke really be that cruel?

He wished he could say resolutely that Sasuke would never do that to Naruto, but he didn’t know anymore. The Uchiha had changed, and not necessarily for the better.

How am I going to get Naruto back now?

Kakashi had barely managed to get him to pull through the first time Sasuke abandoned him. How the hell was he going to get him back a second time?

What if I can’t?

He looked down at the blonde once more, his chest tight.

What if it’s already too late?

~

Naruto stayed quiet on their return journey home, which the rest of the team found extremely unsettling. Even in his typically dejected state, Naruto wasn’t usually this withdrawn. It seemed like whatever happened between him and Sasuke- he couldn’t come back from it.

In fact, with each passing day it only seemed to get worse.

Naruto wasn’t eating, he barely slept, and he always seemed to be on the verge of collapsing. Kurama kept him moving, but it just wasn’t enough. This wasn’t something that the fox could heal. And it wasn’t the kind of pain that allowed the fox to take over and slaughter whatever caused him harm.

Naruto was alone with this.

Just as he’s always been.

When the team stepped through Konohagakure’s gates, when they returned to the familiar sights and sounds of their village, they didn’t feel that sense of relief that they normally did. Home felt far less inviting this time, especially for Naruto.

And the feeling seemed to be contagious.

While Sakura was always less affected by Naruto’s pain than the others were, all of them now felt his burden in their own way. They each tried to ease his agony, to distract him from it, comfort him through it, but Naruto wasn’t interested in any of it. He made it clear that he wanted to be alone and when they argued against it, he simply took it upon himself to do exactly what he had intended. He took off, leaving the others behind and masking his chakra along the way. They had no choice but to go back to their individual homes, to leave him on his own, and none of them felt good about it.

But what more could they do?

Naruto knew they were concerned, they had made that perfectly apparent multiple times on their return trip and even as they moved through town, but he wasn’t interested in accepting it.

He just didn’t want it.

Naruto leapt over the village walls and moved deep into the familiar dense forest, prepared to lose himself inside. Just as he always did when he felt his loneliness pressing down on him, suffocating him. How he spent most of his childhood, and so many days after Sasuke abandoned him.

Naruto slowed his steps the further he went and looked up, his gaze following the length of the trees. He watched their branches shiver under the wind’s onslaught, seemingly beckoning him closer despite their discomfort. Almost as if to say that they could understand his pain and were willing to share it.

Naruto weaved his way between the thick trees, tangled shrubbery, and fallen logs, slipping deeper into shadows, escaping from the scrutiny of the day’s light.

Pain was easier to face in the dark, so he wholeheartedly welcomed it.

Naruto lifted his hand to run his palm against rough bark as he hiked further, the rough texture grounding him. He inhaled deeply, breathing in the sharp scent of pine and the slight musk of dirt and rotting leaves.

The smell of home.

His feet led him of their own accord until finally he was standing in the middle of a small clearing- one he knew well. He had been here many times. In fact, this is where it all started.

Where his entire life had drastically changed.

This is where Sasuke first kissed him.

It hurt seeing it again, reliving the memories that he had treasured for so long, but it was a pain he couldn’t disregard.

He didn’t want to forget, and yet he couldn’t bear to remember.

Naruto dropped his head as he lowered himself to the forest floor, finding comfort in the thick waves of grass moving with the wind, the dead leaves skittering around his feet. A heavy sigh fell from his lips as he flopped back, his limbs stretched out, welcoming the woods’ embrace.

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, focusing on the scent of life and death all around him. He let it envelop his senses and slowly the tension in his muscles began to unwind. Another sigh slipped free, this one less weighted than the last. His chest rose and fell steadily, his body slackened, and a deep void closed in.

Naruto smiled as he sank into that impenetrable darkness, as the world fell away, knowing that in his sleep- his dreams- he would finally have a reality he could bear. Where loneliness no longer haunted his every waking moment. Where he could be happy.. with Sasuke. Like they used to be.

He hoped to never wake up. To stay lost in that dream, in a life he has always wanted- one that seemed to be utterly out of reach. 

So, like countless times before, the boy with honey-colored hair and sad blue eyes laid still beneath a canopy of deciduous giants and their whispering leaves. The breeze shifted golden strands across his face and tugged at his dark clothes. It pulled a few tired leaves to drift lazily from their stems to join him.

Naruto kept his eyes shut as he pleaded with the universe- just like he used to. He begged the earth and sky, the sun and distant stars, for the chance to start over. That when he opened his eyes again he’d find Sasuke kneeling over him. That these last three painful years were nothing but one long nightmare, one he would be able to tear himself free from. He pleaded for a new life, a better reality. For his person to come home. For the pain to stop.

He peeked open his teary blues, still hoping to find the mercy he’d never gotten before. And when he found no such relief, he closed them once more.

He slowed his breathing, focusing on the rise and fall of his chest, and then he dreamed.

Knowing it was all he had left.