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At the sound of two honks from a horn outside, Tim rushes down the stairs from his room, grabs his NYU hoodie from the hook by the front door, and pulls it on as he hurries outside and down the porch steps.
Conner waves from Jon's Jeep (an old hand-me-down that Jon is just barely old enough to drive) and Tim grins at him as he walks quickly through the damp grass down to the street, where he opens the door and hops in. He's glad it's just them for once.
"Hey," Kon smiles, giving him a light fist bump.
Tim returns it, earlier grin nowhere close to diminishing. "Hi. You excited?"
"Heck yeah. Jon's gonna be amazing out there, and I'm gonna be the proudest big brother in the world."
"Where, uh, where's Cassie?" Not that Tim is complaining. At all.
"Oh, she's hanging out with her aunt this weekend. I don't mind, nice to have just you sometimes. I know I haven't been around as much, I'm sorry," Kon apologizes, voice soft and sincere.
"Ah, don't worry about it. I see you every weekday anyway."
"I guess that's true. Ok, buckle up, we got a game to get to."
"Yes sir," Tim says with a mock two-finger salute, grabbing his seatbelt and clicking it into the buckle.
It's not long before they're flying down the interstate through downtown Metropolis, on their way to Dover for Jon's football debut.
"Oh god, I don't like this…" Kon mutters, watching the game intently from the hood of the Jeep.
"Hey, it's not over yet," Tim says beside him, "they've got this."
"There are forty-seven seconds left, Dover is in possession, and it is only first down! They literally just need to hold on to it."
"Maybe they won't?"
"Hold on to it?"
"It could happen," Tim shrugs.
"Unlikely."
The quarterback claps, the ball flies and-
"Oh my god. Did they just-"
"They freaking fumbled!" Kon laughs loudly in shock, hopping down from the hood and walking up to the fence, leaning against it. Tim joins him.
"Told you so."
"Yeah, yeah. Lucky guess."
Several seconds later and Metropolis High's offense returns to the field. Their luck isn't great and soon it's fourth down.
"Oh man, oh man…" Kon mutters, nervously bouncing on his heels.
Jon claps, gets the ball, feints towards the right, then runs to the left, quickly scans downfield, and lets the ball fly.
Tim is white knuckling the fence until the airborne ball is finally caught by the receiver. The receiver trips and Kon's breath hitches, but he recovers and runs the ball down into the end zone.
Tim and Kon both yell victoriously and then jump towards each other for a hug, laughing gleefully in relief.
"That's my baby bro!" Kon whoops over Tim's shoulder and starts laughing again.
Tim looks up into Kon's eyes and the laughter quickly fades until they're just staring at each other, hardly even breathing. Kon's cheeks are still pink from the laughter, his eyes are bright with joy and a wide smile is stretched across his face.
In short, he looks gorgeous and Tim has never wanted to kiss someone so badly in his entire life. He could do it, too. He could totally do it. Cassie's not here. This could be his only chance.
But surely Kon wouldn't want that. And just because he's so close and so beautiful and his girlfriend is in another state… that's not an invitation. Tim can't ruin his friendship with Kon. It's just not worth the risk.
Tim pulls back and looks away with a cough. "Jon did great."
"Right? Oh, man, I'm so proud. Knew I would be but still. He looked awesome out there!"
They both cheer again when the extra point is good. When the game is officially called, they hop back in the car and head home, chattering excitedly all the way.
But the whole time, in the back of Tim's mind, he wonders if he should've kissed him anyway.
Tim walks into the ballroom with his arm linked with Steph's. Tim doesn't know how someone as beautiful as her wasn't asked to prom, but it sure worked in his benefit. He didn't have to look like the loser that didn't go to prom because the best friend that he's hopelessly in love with went with their girlfriend.
Steph laughs and Tim asks what's funny. "Just the freakin' disco ball, it looks so cheap!"
Tim follows her gaze and laughs too. "I mean they could've at least gotten, like, a bigger one, right?"
"Typical Metropolis High, am I right?"
"Absolutely. Cheap flowers too," Tim mutters, glancing down at his drooping boutonniere. "Sorry about that, by the way."
"Nah, you were supporting the school. Personally, I tossed my corsage immediately after pictures."
Tim snorts. "Nice."
"Yep. Anyway… let's dance!" Steph practically drags him onto the dance floor.
"Is this… oh my god this is so inappropriate!" Steph cackles.
"What song is-"
I'll take you to the candyshop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
Go 'head, girl, don't you stop
Laughter bubbles out of Tim. "Is this even allowed?!"
They laugh so hard they end up leaning against each other as they catch their breath. He glances over his shoulder and spots Kon watching them from the other side of the dance floor.
Kon raises an eyebrow at their behavior, a silent question. Tim grins at him and gestures at the speakers, mouthing 'what the hell?'
'No clue,' Kon mouths back, shrugging.
It's later, when the most cliche prom song of all prom songs that isn't even a romantic song at all plays that Kon and Cassie walk over.
"Hey, partner swap!" Steph cheers, pulling Cassie away from Kon, who just laughs. Tim elbows her as she walks away.
"You're welcome," Steph hisses in his ear.
"Dance with me, then?" Kon asks.
"Y-yeah," Tim stammers, lightly blushing. "I'd love to. Uh, how-"
Kon hugs him. "Screw toxic masculinity, two bros can slow dance."
"Right, y-yeah," Tim agrees, secretly dying inside as he returns the hug because this is just maddeningly unfair. The fact that he gets to be this close to what he wants but still can't have it. He can feel Kon's body heat from the arms wrapped around him and from their torsos pressed together. It feels unexpectedly intimate and Tim is just soaking in every single second of this.
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
"God, I'm gonna miss you next year," Kon murmurs, giving Tim an extra squeeze.
"Hey, we'll still call and text all the time," Tim assures, because he can't imagine anything else.
"You better, Mr. NYU."
"UDel is a perfectly good school, my parents are just…"
"Snobs."
"Exactly. But I get it. I'll miss you too."
"Yeah," Kon sighs.
They continue dancing in silence, and Tim lays his head on Kon's shoulder. When the outro begins Tim impulsively presses his lips against that clothed shoulder for a few seconds.
The song ends and Tim pulls back, still hugging him. Kon's eyes are shimmering and the smile on his face looks a little heartbroken and Tim is deeply confused.
"Kon?"
"I'm alright," he laughs, quiet and wet.
"I love you," Tim whispers, feeling a moment of bravery for once.
"I love you too, man."
'Man.' Right. Go figure.
"No, I…" Tim trails off, glancing at Kon's pink lips. It would be all too easy. Just lean in and take what he wants. It would be a huge mistake. But maybe the best mistake of his life. He sighs and lets go. He can't ruin this friendship. Even if Kon's eyes are dark, pupils dilated. Still not an invitation. It's just not worth it. "I'll see you in class, Kon."
"Yeah. See you then," he murmurs.
On the way home, Tim's obnoxious, nagging mind wonders if he should've kissed him anyway.
Tim walks slowly to second period, telling himself over and over again in his head not to make it awkward. It's not like Kon has figured out that Tim meant love love or that he desperately wanted to kiss him or that the thought of going to college in different states is breaking his heart. It'll be fine. He just needs to play it cool.
But the second he steps into the classroom and sees him… everything feels normal. It's never awkward between them. It's always easy to be together. Plus, Tim is exceptionally good at keeping his inner turmoil inside.
22 months later:
Tim and Kon had tried to stay in contact once college started. In the beginning they texted daily and called weekly. But as time went on, they just seemed to grow apart. Calls became rare, and texts were sporadic and impersonal.
Things really went downhill after that first summer. Tim spent it abroad and almost never had time to talk, not to mention the whole time zone complication.
Come early spring of the following year, and Tim didn't even know the last time he'd heard Kon's voice. He really missed his friend, but reaching back out to rekindle their friendship had always felt like such a daunting task. But by late spring, he was finally ready to give it a shot, he just needed to think of what to say.
He wakes up one morning tired and groggy. He definitely drank a bit too much last night, but it was the end of the first exam week, what else was he supposed to do?
He sits up with a dramatic yawn and rubs his eyes before reaching over and grabbing his phone.
1 Missed Call: Conner Kent | 1:47 am
Tim smiles when he reads it. Looks like maybe Kon had the same idea. Even almost two years later, they're still on the same wavelength.
2 Messages: Conner Kent | 1:51 am
Tim opens the messages and frowns.
Conner: I love you
Conner: I'm sorry
Something about the messages is unsettling, but Tim's probably overthinking it. Kon probably just wrote this tipsy.
Tim: Were you drunk, Kon 😂
Tim: I love you too, and hey, no problem. You're not the only one at fault. We'll work it out.
Tim: Sorry I missed your call. I'm up now, so call whenever. I'll answer this time, promise.
Tim: Talk soon :)
Tim gets ready for the day and then heads out for a morning jog to try to get it off his mind.
It's only a few minutes into his jog when his lit nerd friend joins him.
"Timbo!"
"Hi, Jay," Tim grins, "how you feeling?"
"Well, better than you look like you're feeling."
"Oh don't even, you with your crazy metabolism that never gets you hungover. I mean, come on, it's just rude to the rest of us."
"Sounds like jealousy to me," Jason teases.
"Well yeah!"
Jason laughs as they continue on. "Hey, I got the new Mario Kart. Wanna come over after we stop for coffee?"
"Yeah, that sounds fun. I don't have anything else to do. Kon might call, but otherwise."
"Oh? Did he reach out?"
"Yeah, but I missed it," Tim sighs, "but that's ok. I'm sure he'll call back."
"Yeah. That's good though, I'm happy for you."
"Thanks."
They finish their jog, grab some Starbucks, and then casually walk back to Jason's dorm, bantering all the way. They enter the small suite, and Tim excuses himself to the bathroom for just a quick minute.
He comes back out and is returning to the sofa when his phone rings. Jason hears it and looks over, giving him an encouraging thumbs up. Tim laughs quietly as he pulls the phone out of his pocket and leans back against the wall. He frowns for a second when it's just Steph, but then smiles cause he still loves hearing from her, too.
"Hi Steph, how you-"
"Tim," she says, voice high and shaking. She's been crying.
"Hey, woah, woah, what is it? What's wrong?"
Jason stands up slowly, concern taking over his features. He looks ready to walk over for support if he's needed.
"It's Kon," she says, a small sob sounding over the line.
"What about him?" Tim whispers, voice trembling.
"Th-there was a, an incident. A-and he, Tim, he… Kon didn't make-"
Tim's phone clatters loudly on the floor as he slowly sinks to the ground, holding a trembling hand over his mouth as his eyes begin overflowing.
Jason moves forward and crouches to grab the phone. "Steph, hey, it's Jason … yeah … what? … Oh my god … I will … Ok, bye … yeah." Jason hangs up and sets the phone back down, then kneels in front of Tim.
"What do you need?" Jason asks softly, "What can I do?" He lays his hand on Tim's knee.
Tim lurches foward, throwing his arms around Jason and bursting into tears, sobbing into his chest. Jason immediately hugs him back and holds him tightly.
"Let it out, I gotcha, Tim. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry. But I'm here."
Tim thinks Jason continues murmuring comforts, but he's too busy clutching one friend while keening over the loss of another.
Silent tears trickle down Tim's cheeks as he approaches the grave after Clark nudges him forward and nods for him to go ahead and have a few seconds alone with him.
Tim had so much left to say to him, so much to tell him. How sorry he was for not putting in more effort, how much he means to him, how Tim is going to regret missing that phone call for the rest of his entire life. How there's a hole in Tim's soul that nothing and no one will ever be able to fill. How Kon's smile was sunshine and his eyes were the sky and his friendship was the most important relationship of Tim's life.
As he sinks to the ground and kneels on the grass, he wonders so many things. Would answering the phone have prevented this? Would reaching out more frequently have made a difference? Is this Tim's fault? Are the Kents gonna hate him forever? Was he a horrible friend? Is he ever going to heal from this loss?
But out of everything he wonders, there's one thing that he no longer does, one thing that he now knows for certain…
"Should've kissed you anyway," Tim whispers, skimming his fingertips over the name on the plaque, and then over the dates that are far too close together.
Tim sighs and dries his cheeks with his suit jacket sleeves before rising to his feet. He stares down at the name for a couple more seconds.
"Goodbye, Kon."
Tim turns and walks away from his best friend's grave. He's not watching where he's going and bumps into someone.
"Sorry," he says, lifting his head to see- "Oh."
"Hey, Tim," Jon greets quietly, usually bright blue eyes rimmed red and looking dull, and a sad smile on his face.
Tim's eyes burn and his lower lip starts trembling. "I'm so sorry," Tim rasps. Jon lost Kon because Tim failed to save him. Tim killed Jon's brother.
Jon pulls him into a hug and Tim completely falls apart, overcome with the feelings of guilt and despair, muffling his sobs in Jon's shoulder.
4 years later:
There's a knock on Tim's office door and he looks up, smiling when he sees who it is. "Hey kiddo. Bruce drag you up here?"
"Yes, apparently father decided I should be bored out of my mind," Damian grumbles.
Tim laughs quietly. "That's rough, buddy. Anyway, what's up? You need something?"
Damian blushes and looks down. "I was, uh, wondering if… well, I need some advice. I-if that's ok?"
"Relationship advice?" Tim guesses.
Damian looks up and nods.
Tim gestures at the seat in front of his desk, and Damian walks into the room, sitting down in it. "So. Who's the lucky person?"
"I'm not sure that I'm brave enough to find out," Damian admits.
"What's stopping you?"
"They're my best friend and I'm just scared to risk their friendship by asking."
"Ah," Tim says quietly, eyes flicking over to the picture in the corner with him and Kon at his graduation party. "Well. Are they seeing someone?"
"No."
"Ok. Then my advice? Do it."
"That's your advice? Just 'do it'?"
"Yep!"
"But our friendship, I don't-"
"Ruin it."
"Excuse me?" Damian looks extremely affronted.
"If your friendship falls apart because you have feelings and they don't, it's not much of a friendship, is it?"
"Oh. That's what you meant."
"Yeah. Better to ruin it than regret it forever, you know? Find the answer to the question instead of endlessly asking yourself."
"Who, uh... who did you not tell? Seems like you're speaking from experience."
Tim nods. "My best friend. I never told him, and then he died and it was too late."
"You were in love with Conner Kent?"
Tim's draw drops. "How on earth did you- oh, it's Jon!" he crows, pointing at him excitedly, "isn't it?!"
Damian blushes again, which is answer enough but he responds anyway. "Yeah."
"Damian, go for it. Absolutely go for it. Your friendship is definitely strong enough to survive if he doesn't feel the same. Which I highly doubt."
Actually Tim now knows for a fact that Jon feels the same way. He's talked to Tim about his crush several times but was always weirdly cagey about who. And Tim already had his suspicions that it was Damian, but this confirms it. The way they interact… it's painful. They're head-over-heels for each other and somehow completely oblivious of the fact.
"But what if… I mean, what if there's someone else out there for me?"
"You like someone other than Jon? Cause that's ok, too."
"No, just… if you had been with Conner, you wouldn't be with Jason, and I see how much you love each other."
"Oh, ok. Yes, I love him and I can't imagine not being with him. But if I had been with Kon, I wouldn't know what not being with Jason would feel like and I wouldn't miss it."
"Oh. Yeah, good point."
"Now shoo. Go get your man."
Damian blushes again. "He's not my man."
"Yet."
"We shall see."
"I wanna know how it goes. Though Jon will probably tell me before you do." Jon has basically become a little brother to Tim and they talk regularly.
"True," Damian says, standing, "thanks, Tim."
"You're welcome."
"May I have a hug?"
"Of course," Tim laughs, standing from his chair and walking around to hug his future brother-in-law. "Even if I despise you being taller than me."
"I can't help that you're short."
"Rude."
They both laugh quietly as they let go.
"Love ya, Dami."
"You too." Damian makes his way out of his office, and Tim walks over to the picture of him and Kon. Tim smiles softly at it, brushing away the single miniscule speck of dust that was on it.
"Miss you."
He looks at it for a few more seconds before returning to his desk, pulling out his phone, and sending a quick text before setting it aside.
Tim: ❤️
It's not long before a loud chime sounds, but Tim doesn't even flinch - his ringer has been on full volume for four years straight.
Jason: ❤️ too
Tim: Just wanted to tell you :)
Tim: I'll see you after work ;)
Jason: :)