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Tighnari was woken up by restless shifting.
It was a combination of sounds and erratic dips of weight next to him in bed. At first, it was a minor interference, but it became harder to ignore as it pulled Tighnari from sleep and forced him awake.
He scrunched his face, turning into his pillow as he whined minutely, trying to get a grip on his bearings at the same time as wanting to sink back to his cozy sleep. He wasn't sure if he could open his eyes—they were even groggier than he was. Vaguely remembering Cyno was next to him, he plopped an arm across his friend's body unceremoniously, hoping it would somehow solve Cyno's restlessness.
Then Cyno released a quiet sob, and immediately Tighnari's ears were alert and his eyes shot open.
It had to be early, early enough that there was very little soft light coming in through the window of the room. There was enough to see Cyno's face scrunched in a pained expression, tears streaking across his nose. He was curled on his side, fists tucked under his chin and every muscle in his body tensed. The runic mummy wrappings that appeared whenever Hermanubis was summoned during a fight were beginning to creep up his forearms.
Anxiety tingled its way up Tighnari's shoulders all the way to the tip of his nose, trying to figure out what was wrong in his sleep-addled state. Did he do something while they slept? Did he accidentally hit him? Was Cyno crying about something he'd done but didn't want him to know? Thoughts bombarded him irrationally, and his stomach plummeted like a stone in water.
But the longer he watched his friend, the more he noticed his steady breathing despite the clear distress. His stomach rose and fell with each one he took, indicating how deep they were. And it was too dark to see clearly, but Tighnari was pretty sure Cyno's eyes were steady beneath his eyelids. No irregular movements like they would be if he were awake and trying to hide it. As he studied him, he concluded Cyno was somehow still asleep.
Tighnari wasn't very awake yet, but it still broke his heart. He so rarely saw Cyno as shattered as he was now, so completely vulnerable. Nightmare, Tighnari concluded sleepily. He's having a nightmare.
The more signs he saw, the more he was convinced of his conclusion. He rubbed his eyes blearily, then gently shook Cyno's shoulder. "Cyno," he whispered, speech slurred. "Cyno, wake up. Wake up."
There was no response from his friend except for more shifting, curling in on himself and trembling. Another soft cry came from him, and that helpless noise made Tighnari's brows furrow in concern.
"Cyno." He tried again, to no avail. He shook a little harder. "Cyno, wake up. Hey."
To his surprise, Cyno tried to knock his arm away, but there was hardly any force behind it. It was like he'd done it on instinct, or maybe in reaction to something he was seeing in his dream. Tighnari just repositioned himself, trying a gentler approach this time. He stroked up and down that arm once it'd settled down again, hoping it would rouse Cyno awake.
"Hey, hey, it's not real. Cyno, wake up. Please."
It had some effect, but ultimately not the one Tighnari was hoping for. Cyno tried to jerk away from him like his touch burned, and it pinched Tighnari's heart painfully. So he switched tactics again, this time speaking directly into his ear at full volume.
"Cyno. Wake up. I need you to wake up, you're scaring me."
He paired his words with a forceful grip of Cyno's bicep, and before he knew it Cyno was gasping awake and shoving him away. He scrambled back with panicked lungfuls of air. Tighnari braced himself so he wouldn't tumble off the bed. That one had had Cyno's full strength behind it. Electro crackled in the air between them and the wrappings flashed, twisting themselves around his arms protectively.
Tighnari eyed Cyno cautiously, studying his every move. Cyno was doing the same to him, but soon his eyes were flicking around the room and trying to comprehend where he was and what was happening. His sobs came faster, and he tried to wipe his eyes to no avail as tears streamed down his cheeks. He gripped the blanket half-covering his legs and the sheets underneath him. Whatever he could hold onto to make him feel safe again.
The unmasked horror and panic on his face was a sight Tighnari hoped he'd never have to see again.
Tighnari did not encroach on his space, did not come any closer. But he did start to speak. "Cyno”, he said gently, much softer this time. "It's me. Just me. It's Tighnari. You're safe, okay? You were having a nightmare. Seemed pretty nasty. I was only trying to wake you up, I wasn't going to hurt you." He wasn't even sure what to say, just that he needed to say something to help ground his terrified friend. "You're going to be okay. There's no danger here. I promise."
Cyno seemed absolutely bewildered, even as to the reason why he was crying. He looked confused at his tears when he wiped them. His eyes made another circuit of the room, then landed on Tighnari once more. There they lingered, seeming to recognize him at last. Tighnari smiled, hoping to put him further at ease. "Hey. You're okay, just keep breathing. I'm here for you. Not gonna let anything bad happen to you."
Cyno pressed a hand to his chest, perhaps trying to manually calm down his rapid breathing, but it was to no avail. He checked the door, checked the window on the opposite side of the room, then the door again. Then every single crevice of what he could make out from the dark room. Paranoid, terrified, anxious.
It was so unfair. Ever since the Akasha had been reset and Sumeru had learned that it could dream, Tighnari had had relative ease adjusting to the new concept. His were usually of the wacky sort, the kinds of things you see on a good mushroom trip. They mashed elements of his life together with no clear storyline or plot. He often forgot the events of the dream after he woke up, and only the leftovers of the emotions he had during them remained.
Cyno, though. Cyno had immediately gotten full-on nightmares.
And for a while, he wouldn't tell Tighnari what they were, either. There was a good month or so where Cyno just refused to sleep, purposefully staying up to work on something or saying he was "busy" and that he'd come upstairs to retire in a few minutes.
Of course, he never did, and he'd almost stopped functioning from sleep-deprivation alone. Tighnari had needed to knock him out with a potent anesthesia he only used on gravely injured patients. After that, he finally opened up to Tighnari about the dreams' contents and why he wanted to avoid them.
He didn't ever hear Cyno talk about his childhood at the Temple of Silence. But that day, he realized why he and Collei understood each other so well.
After a trip to Nahida, the nightmares got a little better. They were a little less intense and less often. But they still very clearly needed another solution. Tighnari was actively working on a far less potent drug than the one he'd used before, and one that he hoped would have minimal side effects to boot.
But as of now, they simply did their best to deal with it whenever it came up. Tighnari was glad for the fact that at least it had become a ‘they’.
Looking down at his arms, Cyno blinked at the runic wraps surrounding them. They weren’t as thick as they were when fully summoned, but he seemed disgusted that they were there at all. He dismissed them forcibly. Then did another furtive sweep of the room.
Tighnari leaned forward a little. "There's nothing there. No one else is in the room but me. Of course, I could always go if you want, but I don’t—"
Cyno frantically shook his head, mute with fear and overwhelm. It did Tighnari's heart some good to know that no matter how terrified Cyno became, he still wanted him nearby. He trusted him with being in his space, and that meant more to Tighnari than the entire world.
He softly placated, "Okay, okay, I won't leave you. I'm not leaving, Cyno. Here, can I hug you? I want to help you feel safe."
Cyno hesitated, and that was all it took for Tighnari to back off. "No big deal, we can do whatever makes you the most comfortable right now—"
But he was cut off as Cyno reached out across the bed to him, a silent plea for connection despite how dysregulated he might've been right now. Affection coursed through Tighnari.
Oh, but he's trying so hard.
He grabbed Cyno's hand, who wasn't looking at him. Not consistently anyway. His eyes were still trained on the room around them and the shadows cast from the light of the window. Tighnari held it gently, but still gripped it firmly enough to give Cyno some solid reassurance of his presence. They stayed like that for a minute while the tension in Cyno's shoulders began to settle some. It was hard to watch, but he knew it was even worse to feel. He allowed himself to stroke across Cyno's knuckles with his thumb, testing his reaction, and when Cyno didn't tense away from him, he kept going. All the while, he murmured things that he hoped were even remotely comforting.
"I'm here. You're gonna be alright, Cyno. Just a nightmare. We can handle that. It's not real, but you are." Cyno's grip on his hand was like a clamp, the death vice of a jackal holding an animal in its claws. Only this time the jackal was the scared one, and the animal was the one calming it down.
"You were having another nightmare," Tighnari repeated. "But you're awake now. You're with me now. You think you can talk to me, Cyno?"
Another fierce shaking of his head, although he did move closer to Tighnari with a furtive glance over his shoulder.
"That's alright." Tighnari continued soothing his thumb across Cyno's quivering knuckles. "You don't have to talk. Just be with me, okay? I'm glad we got you awake. Out of that awful place."
Cyno's tears had slowed down some, but they came back at that comment. Tighnari had a lump in his throat just from watching his best friend suffer like this. Cyno shifted until they were side by side again, knees drawn to his chest and looking smaller than he ever had. Although, to Tighnari's relief (however much he could be relieved in a situation like this), Cyno bumped into his side, another nonverbal request. Tighnari carefully draped an arm around his broad shoulders, which curled inward until he was hunched over and sobbing against Tighnari's chest.
Tighnari curled around his friend protectively, wrapping him in a tight hug. He murmured nothings to him in the dim light of the morning, rocking Cyno back and forth slightly. His cries tugged at Tighnari's heart, and tears sprung at the corners of his own eyes as well. Cyno just sobbed further into himself, coherent words a distant thought.
There they stayed, trying to find solace in each other, and all the while Tighnari kept his arms firmly around Cyno. He would not give him any reason to think Tighnari was going to leave, going to hurt him, or anything in between. Right now Cyno needed comfort, a foundation to land on, somewhere to come back down to. Someone his body knew it trusted.
“I’m so sorry, Cyno. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry that it’s like this. I’m sorry I can’t do more to help. You’re gonna get through it, I know you will, but you shouldn’t have to in the first place.” He buried a hand in Cyno’s hair and whispered thickly, “It’s unfair, and I’ve got you.”
Cyno shook harder in his arms, shoulders wracking with sobs, and Tighnari just held him through it. He combed through his hair, rocked him from side to side, whispered to him, and gave him steady comfort. It was hard, being allowed to hug him affectionately like this when he kept his own feelings veiled. He wanted to do so much more, tell him how loved he was, tell him how much he meant to Tighnari, but the words never pushed past the bile in his throat made of feared potential rejection.
After a while, Tighnari went silent. There was little else to say. He couldn’t magically fix everything or reverse the night so that the nightmare never came. So instead, he became a steady shore for Cyno to eventually wash up on when he calmed down.
And it worked. Cyno came to return his hug and clung desperately to his waist. His sobs were more infrequent as the minutes ticked by. He didn’t cry so hard. He wiped his eyes and nose, releasing a shaky breath that was followed by more soft cries and hiccups. Tighnari just ran a hand down his back comfortingly as they worked through the worst of it.
“Cyno, you think you can lay back down with me?” He was beyond the point of trying to make sure his words were strictly platonically chosen.
Thankfully, Cyno didn’t seem to care about his odd word choice, or if he did, he didn’t show it. He gave a sweetly determined nod, straightening his spine so he could sit up and wipe his eyes again. Tighnari gave him another moment to finish up. Then, without releasing him from his grasp, he scooted back so that he could lay down again and guided Cyno down with him.
“Lay here,” he encouraged, patting the space just in front of his stomach. He didn’t give Cyno a chance to hesitate, just pulled him closer until Cyno’s back was pressed up against his front. With Cyno’s head resting on his bicep, he had room to encircle his arms around him fully once more.
“Yeah, there you go.” Tighnari’s heart leaped despite the gravity of everything when one of Cyno’s hands rested over his forearm to keep it in place. “I don’t want you to worry about getting back to sleep, although if that happens, then that’s perfectly okay. Just rest. I’ll take care of you.”
He was getting drowsy again after hugging Cyno in silence for so long. He definitely needed a few more hours. And Cyno did too, but from past experience, they were both worried he would have another nightmare if that happened.
Cyno made a small sound, pressing back against him. Tighnari squeezed him gently, running a soothing hand over his side.
“Yeah, I know,” he murmured, voice still rough from how early it was. He nosed the back of Cyno’s neck affectionately. He was too tired to hold back. “I’ve got you. Mm’kay? Just rest for me.”
His friend nodded, all tension draining from his muscles until he was slumped in Tighnari’s arms. Tighnari’s eyes were so heavy that it was impossible not to be lulled to sleep once more. He did his best to stay awake a little longer, just to make sure Cyno was truly calming down, but when his breathing steadied out and he became a puddle of exhaustion from how hard he’d been crying, Tighnari succumbed to the comfort of his pillow.
He fell back asleep against the curve of Cyno’s body with his arms wrapped around him.
Unfortunately, this time when Tighnari woke up much later that morning, Cyno was in the middle of a panic attack instead of a nightmare.
Cyno’s muscles were locked stiff. They quivered with how much they were exerting just to be held in place. Tighnari made a confused noise, brushing his bangs out of his eyes and lifting his head, staring down at Cyno until he realized what was happening.
“Are you—Cyno?” He created some distance between them, trying to identify the problem. “What…”
Cyno’s hands were covering his face, maybe trying to get away from Tighnari. Under his breath, the mantra of “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” was nonstop, but Tighnari didn’t even know what he was apologizing for.
Bewildered for the second time that morning, Tighnari sat up some more. It was easier and faster to become alert this time with some more sleep holding him up. “What are you talking about? Do you—do you need me to back up? Maybe you don’t want me to touch you?”
A frantic shaking of Cyno’s head answered that immediately, or at least Tighnari was pretty sure it was in response to his question. It was hard to tell when the words that came out of his mouth were just strings of “Sorry I woke you up, didn’t mean to, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you, don’t pay attention to me, please don’t pay attention to me—”
“Okay no, Cyno, I’m not going to just ignore you when you’re clearly out of your mind with panic,” Tighnari decided for him. He couldn’t in good conscience just leave him alone.
He set a hand on Cyno’s shoulder firmly, but by no means to a degree that could hurt. “Is it okay if I touch you right now? I’d like to, and I’d like to help you out.”
Having to think of an answer rather than his panic, Cyno’s attention shifted to him enough to think the question through. “What do you mean, you’d like to?”
That hurt, but not because it questioned Tighnari’s character in any way. It hurt because this was not Cyno. The Cyno he knew was never so insecure as this, was never convinced that he was a burden to the point that he questioned Tighnari’s own words. This was Cyno under the thick veil of panic and trauma from his past, Tighnari could see that much. It was like speaking to a different person altogether.
And Tighnari didn’t fault him one bit for it. They could work this out. They could get through it just like they’d gotten through everything else together.
He was going to have to be much more blunt than he usually was, he could tell. “It means I want to hug you right now. Preferably, I want you on your back so I can lay my full weight on you. I know you like compression. Are you okay with me doing that?” Direct, simple, and short. He was sure that would do the trick.
Sure enough, Cyno peeled his face away from his hands and looked up at him.
Holy shit.
He would never get used to seeing his best friend looking like that.
“Yes or no,” Tighnari encouraged gently.
Cyno shut his eyes tightly, maybe fearing the word that would come out of his mouth.
“Yes,” came the tiny whisper.
“Thank you,” Tighnari soothed, even gentler this time. “Let’s get you rolled over then, shall we?”
Cyno was stiff as a rock as they got him situated onto his back, maybe even more so than he was previously when Tighnari settled over him, their bodies pressing together like this for the first time. It was obvious he didn’t know what to do. He avoided Tighnari’s gaze, although he didn’t know if that was from discomfort or not.
Tighnari rested his head in the crook of Cyno’s neck, wrapping an arm underneath his head to hug him again. “Lay your hands down at your sides, or you can hold onto me. Either one is okay.” His legs bracketed either side of Cyno’s hips to stabilize himself and ensure that he centered his whole weight on Cyno’s chest.
To Tighnari’s delight, he raised his hands to hover in midair like he wanted to hold Tighnari back, but seemed unsure of how to proceed past that point. It would have been cuter had Tighnari not been worried out of his mind for him right now.
He reached back and found Cyno’s wrists, guiding his hands to settle on his waist at last. “Like this is perfectly fine.” His voice came out soft and inviting. He hoped to calm Cyno by being calm as well. That usually worked, so he’d try it once again here.
Cyno didn’t stop at just gripping his waist, but he fully enveloped Tighnari in a desperate hug. The force of the embrace took Tighnari by surprise, but that was replaced by immediate gratification. This was exactly how he’d wanted to hug Cyno. Right where he could have him up close, be able to become a tether for him back to the real world, help him feel okay again. His ears flicked against his head happily, and so did his tail.
Gods, he hoped Cyno would be okay.
Tighnari melted into the hug, returning the force Cyno gave him in kind. “There you go, that's it.” It seemed to help ease some of Cyno’s nerves, since the shaking came down a notch and so did the tension in his hands.
Thoughts whirled in Tighnari’s brain, but with them came hesitance. They required a kind of emotional and physical intimacy that he’d always longed to have with Cyno. Not that he’d seen evidence that it would be unwelcome…quite the opposite. But he was fighting against the usual fear of rejection that came with such a thought process.
Surprisingly, with Cyno’s wellbeing on the forefront, that doubt was quieter this time around. Quiet enough to think past it.
And eventually, quiet enough to ignore it. If he wanted to know how Cyno would take to this, he only had to try. He’d never get results without the first experiment.
It was a simple question, in the end. “Cyno,” he said, propping himself up just enough to meet his eyes. He set a hand on his cheek slowly, so as not to startle Cyno any more than necessary. “Will you let me make decisions for you right now?”
What he got threw him completely off guard. Cyno nodded. Immediately.
“Yes.”
He sounded desperate to give up control, lay it all in Tighnari’s hands, not have to think anymore, find some room to finally breathe from it all. It made Tighnari’s heart beat twice as fast, roaring in his ears.
He tucked a lock of hair behind Cyno’s ear experimentally, again seeing how he’d react. Those red eyes were glued to him, sparkling with tears that had thankfully stilled for the time being.
“You’d give me that control.” It was a question said as a statement, and he waited on Cyno’s answer expectantly.
Again, a response he could only ever dream of. “Yes.” Cyno leaned up, and Tighnari caught the hint and dropped his head, expecting him to whisper something. Instead, he got Cyno’s cheek leaning against his.
“It’s too much, Nari.” His voice broke. “It’s—I can’t do it, it’s too much, I need someone to take it all away. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m so fucking tired.”
Tighnari brushed his thumb along Cyno’s cheekbone as he spoke. Once again, he pushed down the temptation to kiss him. “Shh, I know. I know, Cyno. You’ve done more than enough already. I’ve got you. I just need one more answer from you and that’s it.”
Cyno was already breaking again and fast, but he nodded. So, so brave.
The bare vulnerability was making Tighnari’s tail curl. “Can I be affectionate with you?” His hand dropped temporarily to Cyno’s neck, thumb brushing the skin there. “Like this, is this okay? You can tell me no,” he reminded him.
Cyno thought about that for longer this time. It seemed to temporarily cut through the rising panic. He nudged his face further against Tighnari’s cheek for a second, but Tighnari didn’t know what that meant. His pulse spiked with self-consciousness, and the longer Cyno thought about it the more he was convinced himself Cyno was trying to figure out how to reject him.
“Or…it’s…it’s okay, we don’t have to—"
“Yes.”
The word cut through his flawed attempt at shielding his ego. Turns out he hadn’t even needed to try and protect it. Tighnari lifted his head then, cradling Cyno’s face in both hands now. It felt significant, far more significant than just this moment. Cyno was saying yes to his affection. Yes to his control.
Cyno wasn’t one for flowery words, so this short, blunt acceptance of Tighnari hit close to his heart far harder than anything else he could’ve said.
“You find my fingers and squeeze them if I say or do anything you don’t like.” It came out as a gentle command, and he studied how Cyno responded to it. Archons above, but he was as excited as he was heartbroken for Cyno’s current emotional state.
Cyno accepted the direction with ease. Oh, that eagerness was going to be the death of Tighnari now that he knew about it.
“Show me,” he encouraged, lifting his chin in invitation.
Cyno, who had tears spilling down his temples once more, found the hand curled at his shoulder and squeezed Tighnari’s fingers gently. Lovesick pet names of all sorts floated on Tighnari’s tongue, begging to be let out, but he held himself in check.
“Mm-hm, very good. Thank you, Cyno. Now, if you do that again, I’ll back off.”
He settled back onto Cyno’s chest. Cyno, whose panic was rising again now that he wasn’t being asked any questions, began mumbling apologies unprompted for existing and crying and bothering him. Tighnari cut him off.
“No apologizing.” His fingers stroked little patterns into Cyno's skin reassuringly. “There’s no need for it. The only thing I want you thinking about is my weight. Alright? Leave the rest to me.”
His breathing became a little less shallow. Tighnari knew Cyno was capable of focusing abnormally well on one single thing at a time, so they just had to get him to where he felt safe enough to do so. Tighnari was sure they could do that much.
“Uh-huh, there you go. It’s okay. Let me take care of it. I’m gonna take care of you.”
The arms around his back squeezed a fraction tighter. Tighnari suppressed a charmed smile.
“Just leave it all with me. Your dream, your past, your panic, you don’t have to think about any of it right now. Let’s calm you down first. Keep breathing, yeah, that’s good.”
And of course, Cyno responded just as well to his praise as anything else. But he knew he would. That was something Tighnari had suspected for a very long time, having seen little evidences of it here and there. Still though, it was rewarding to actually put it in action. Warmth spilled from his chest at the knowledge that Cyno liked his praise and was letting him lay across his chest while he told him what to do.
And it was insane to think about how he’d had the guts to get here in the first place, so he didn’t. He focused on Cyno instead, attuned himself to his needs and subtle tells. He put his past knowledge of where to avoid touching Cyno to the test, as he had little else to go off of. He’d been subconsciously collecting a dataset in his head of Cyno’s dislikes and likes ever since he fell for him, and he’d learned his hands-off zones over the years through watching others’ mistakes. It was barely a foundation to stand on, but he did his best. All that really mattered was that he read Cyno correctly right now.
Tighnari could see the compression on Cyno’s body really was helping. Just like I thought. He was crying, more from residual emotions than anything else, but it wasn’t as bad as before. However, when Tighnari lifted himself up and reached over to pull out the corner of the bed sheet, Cyno’s strong grip held him in place and he ramped up from zero to a hundred in seconds.
"No," he whined pathetically. Tighnari's heart melted despite his alarm.
"Shh, I'm not leaving." He bent down to rest his forehead against Cyno’s to ground him. He ran fingers through Cyno's hair, scratched his scalp in little circles. "I’m only reaching for something to dry your nose, okay?"
Cyno’s eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks, telling Tighnari that his eyes were moving rapidly. “I—” he broke off with a distressed sob, promptly dissolving into tears. Maybe Tighnari should have warned him before he moved, but he hadn’t thought it would produce such a strong averse reaction. Be more predictable, the back of his mind told him. He needs to not feel uncertain about what’s going to happen to him.
“Keep your arms around me, Cyno. I’m not getting up. I’m getting something to dry your face.”
Cyno gulped air, seeming to genuinely try and focus on Tighnari like he had been before, but his sense of stability had been too jarred. Tighnari could see it was going to get worse before it was going to get better, so he settled his weight back onto his distressed friend and pulled up the sheet corner awkwardly from where he was instead.
“So—sorry,” Cyno hiccuped, breathing rapidly again as panic took him by the throat once more.
“Uh-uh, none of that,” Tighnari gently reprimanded, swiping his thumb over Cyno’s temple. “I was the one who should have warned you beforehand. I won’t do that again. You’re doing all I could ever ask of you, Cyno. You’re doing so well. You’re focusing on me as much as you can, and that’s exactly what I asked you to do. Thank you.”
Tighnari used the untucked sheet to wipe at Cyno's nose, folded it, then used it on his tears as well. New tears just replaced the old ones as quickly as they were wiped away, but Tighnari had shown his care. He felt that was more important. He dropped his face into Cyno's neck and reveled in the feeling as Cyno's arms wrapped around his shoulders. It was a double edged sword, finally being this affectionate and close with Cyno while he cried in distress.
Tighnari leaned his forehead against Cyno's cheek. "Hey, hey," he soothed. "Cyno, breathe."
Sobs broke his best friend's voice and Tighnari's heart. "I—I can't—can't do it—"
"Shh-sh-sh, I know it's hard,” came Tighnari's reassurance. “It's so much, isn't it? It's so hard to breathe. I want you to try, Cyno. You've done it your whole life, I know you can now."
When his words didn't seem to have much effect on the rising panic attack in his friend, he changed tactics.
"Cyno." He got Cyno's attention, holding it by grabbing his chin and commanding his gaze. Their faces were mere centimeters apart in seconds. "I want you to breathe for me."
Unless Tighnari was blind, which he wasn’t, he could’ve sworn that switched something within his friend.
Encouraged, he let his fingers skate across Cyno's cheek and made his voice even softer. "Can you do that? Just for me, Cyno."
Cyno melted underneath him, but the gentle command still seemed to take a second to load into his brain. Then all at once, a deep relieving breath rushed out of his mouth. He breathed in just as quickly, but it was much deeper than all the ones before. This was the effect Tighnari had ultimately hoped to have.
He couldn't hold himself at bay anymore. With Cyno so readily accepting his affectionate control, it was too easy for him to keep talking like this. It was the way he talked to Cyno in his head, after all.
"Perfect," he breathed, letting the sensation wash across Cyno's skin. "Like that, that's perfect. You're doing so well for me, Cyno. Just focus on the weight on your body, alright? And keep breathing like I asked."
Cyno reached up to wipe his eyes, and Tighnari was close again right after, ghosting his lips near his skin. It was near impossible not to kiss him all over, bring him back into his body that way and seep his affection into his bones. But he would keep the lines where Cyno had drawn them. He was making progress this way, and he wasn't sure what would happen if suddenly Tighnari kissed him out of the blue.
But Cyno was doing wonderfully under his direction. Tighnari could see little tiny conscious efforts being made to keep breathing, keep his chest moving up and down, let the air rush out of his mouth and back in again. Pride swelled in Tighnari's heart.
"Mmm, that's good. Very good. Just what I asked for." Cyno swallowed another sob, pushing his face into Tighnari's hair. His skin crawled pleasantly at the silent request for closeness. He kept stroking Cyno's skin, making his way down to his bicep. He curved his hand around it and pulled up and down in long strokes, over where he knew Cyno's tattoo was.
"There you go. There you go, Cyno. I know it hurts. But I've got you. You're with me right now, and you're real. You're in my bed, in my cottage in Gandharva, with me. I'm real. Keep breathing for me, okay?"
Cyno tried another inhale, better than before, but it was shaky and Tighnari felt tears soak into his hair still. "Try breathing out a little slower. Can you do that for me?"
He responded so well to each thing he said that Tighnari felt his affection for the man clench within his chest. Gods above, but he was trying so hard to be okay.
When Cyno's exhale was longer than the previous one, Tighnari couldn't help his hand as it slipped down Cyno's side, stroking slowly with the pressure he knew Cyno preferred. "Very good, Cyno."
Cyno held him a fraction tighter at that, and Tighnari kept reassuring him. It appeared that he not only wanted to be good, but he wanted to be good for Tighnari.
And that set Tighnari’s blood ablaze.
"You’re doing so well for me, you know that? You're gonna be okay. I've got you." He lifted his head, nuzzling Cyno's cheek a bit, just like a concerned fox. "All it took was a little help and instruction, and here you are breathing easier already."
He focused on petting Cyno's side as his friend focused on steadying his exhales. Eventually, one of his hands slipped into Tighnari's hair, holding him like that. Tighnari couldn't keep the contented hum from his throat. He felt like his presence was wanted. Not that Cyno had ever made him feel unwanted, but they'd never been like this for each other before. It was so freeing to take care of Cyno the way Tighnari had always wished to, and to feel it accepted and appreciated.
“I’m so proud of you,” he whispered.
They were steadily getting used to this, Tighnari could tell. Cyno was apparently the type of person that needed to be eased into submission. Which, in hindsight, made sense. It was probably hard for him to take a backseat when he wasn’t used to doing so, especially right now when the danger seemed so real and threatening. Offering it to Tighnari and letting go was a rough process. But he was doing it nonetheless. Willingly. For Tighnari.
They lay like that for a while, Cyno trying to single his mind on his breathing and Tighnari rubbing his side. Very slowly, he could sense the panic diffusing from the muscles underneath him. And Tighnari would encourage it by giving him different senses to pay attention to. Telling him to close his eyes, feel Tighnari’s hand, locate where it was, how hard he was pressing, pay attention to what he could smell.
Cyno was cute and responded to that one. “Nothing," he said, since his nose was too stuffy.
Tighnari grinned, laughing heartily. “That’s a good answer too.”
They continued through the list of senses Tighnari could think of, going through them as thoroughly or as sparsely as needed to help Cyno back to normal. He was no longer crying. A few residual tears here and there, but nothing they couldn’t handle. He had gained back his breath, no more hiccups and shudders. Tighnari was hyper-attuned to Cyno’s body at the moment, and each time he could feel a piece of his friend come back, he allowed himself to calm down too.
A distressed whine came from the back of Cyno's throat, and Tighnari lifted his gaze to check in with him. "How are you doing now? What do you need?"
Cyno sniffed, briefly wiping his nose before his arm returned to its rightful place around Tighnari's shoulders. He took a while to find the words, as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just as sweet as always. "I..." He swallowed, blinking hard and turning his head away. "Just...overwhelming."
"Mmm." Tighnari pressed his thumb in circles below Cyno's ribcage, noticing the muscles continue to relax underneath when he did so. "Overwhelmed because of your nightmare? Because of me? Or because of your panic?"
He listened closely to Cyno's answer, and was slightly relieved when Cyno said, "Panic. Nightmare. It was...really bad."
'Really bad' seemed like an understatement after the harrowing morning he’d just had, but Tighnari could understand. Words were hard right now, and he was already saying more in a row than he had all morning. Progress was progress.
"Yeah, I bet it was," Tighnari replied soothingly. He nuzzled Cyno's neck again, feeling him shiver beneath him. "You got pretty keyed up. But look at you, you're breathing and talking again. I'm proud of you, Cyno. Really." He kept using his name because he needed something else to say other than baby or sweet thing or all the other pet names he called him internally.
This time, the noise that came from Cyno's throat sounded pleased, perhaps relieved as well. A broad hand gently smoothed over Tighnari's back, and goosebumps spread all over his body. His ears twitched against his head, closing his eyes for a second.
"You know you’re always welcome to talk about it, but you don't have to. You always have room to process that later. Either way, I'm happy to help. Wanna get you back to the real world again."
Cyno wiped an eye again, though the need to was coming more infrequently. Good. "Thanks," he whispered hoarsely.
Tighnari simply nodded. They breathed together some more, allowing Cyno some space to come down after waking up panicked, disoriented, and horrified. They lay pressed together, Tighnari making sure his full weight smothered Cyno. In the past he might have been worried about weighing too much and making it hard for someone to breathe, but with the way Cyno relaxed underneath him, that wasn't a concern right now. He just kept his touch smooth and gentle, mapping patterns onto Cyno's skin to give him something to focus on, and a reminder that Tighnari was there to put him back together again.
"Look at you, breathing so well for me. That's exactly what I asked for."
Cyno held him tighter by a fraction, almost clutching the fabric of his tank top.
"You okay with me talking like this still?"
An immediate nod.
Tighnari pressed his lips together, fighting back a wildly satisfied smile. Oh, what he wouldn't do to drive Cyno further under his control, put him under that hazy headspace where he could forget about the world for a time, make him feel safe and loved and cherished and wanted. Create that space for him to let down and just be, and make him feel safe enough to know Tighnari will be there for him when he comes back up.
As much as he wanted that, it had to be a thought for another day. Knowing Cyno, that would definitely be too much for their first time doing anything like this. He would need time to adjust, just like he needed to with every other new thing.
Right now, it was enough to see that the possibility existed.
"Mm'kay then." He felt relief sink through his friend as those muscles eased up, then he asked, "Food or water, Cyno?"
Delay. "Hmm?"
"Food or water. Pick one. You need one of the two, or both."
Immediately he could feel Cyno tensing again, clutching Tighnari tighter against him and subtly making it harder for him to leave. He could see the uncertainty filling his eyes when he lifted his head.
"Um..."
"I'll be right back, Cyno." He lifted a hand to his cheek, once again gratified by Cyno subconsciously pressing into his palm. "Right back. I'll be gone for maybe a minute. But that's not what I want you to think about right now. All I want you to think about is whether you want food, water, or both. Can you do that for me?"
Those words worked like magic on Cyno, he'd discovered. Immediately his eyes were fixed on Tighnari's, holding them while he pondered his request. He's trying so hard and I'm so proud of him and I want to kiss him so bad-
"Water."
Tighnari smiled warmly, letting it reach his eyes. He stroked Cyno's cheek. "See? That wasn't so hard was it?"
Adorably, Cyno shook his head in agreement.
"No, you're right, it wasn't." He bumped his forehead into Cyno's temple gently. "Now all I want you to do is take some deep breaths while I'm gone. Count them, and tell me the number when I get back. 'Kay, Cyno?"
He was being too doting. But how could anyone hold back when the fierce and intimidating General Mahamatra was laying pliant in your arms, all soft and desperate to feel safe? When he responded so well to your gentle direction?
He was only a man, after all.
Cyno gazed up at him, nodding.
Tighnari slipped into habit and coaxed, "Use your words for me."
Immediately, he chastised himself. Fuck, that sounded too suggestive, I shouldn't have said that, he's okay with my affection but not like that—
Cyno exhaled deeper than before, hands slipping down to grasp Tighnari’s waist. His thumbs slowly rubbed circles through his shirt and it sent a spark of heat flaring through Tighnari. The way he was being looked at felt...inviting.
"Okay." Cyno swallowed. "I can...I can try."
Fuck.
"That’s all I want." He briefly leaned his head against Cyno's once more, a pale substitute for how badly he wanted to kiss him. "Thank you, Cyno, you..." Now it was his turn to bite his words and swallow thickly. "Yeah. Nothing. I'll be right back, okay?" He reluctantly pulled away so he could stand, shifting his weight onto his knees and rising just to bend back over Cyno again when his feet were planted on the floor. Cyno was watching him like a hawk, and Tighnari's heart ached. "Just do as I told you while I'm gone. Think you can focus on that next?"
Cyno, bless him, started to cry again. Tighnari ran a hand soothingly over his chest to comfort him. "One thing at a time, Cyno." His voice came out soft, almost a murmur. "One thing at a time."
Bravely, Cyno nodded through the tears. "Yeah," he exhaled heavily. "Yeah."
"Good. You're doing incredibly well at following my instructions. Thank you." Tighnari removed his hand slowly so as not to jar Cyno into panic again. Then he finally left the room and went downstairs to get a full cup of water.
All the way down and back, his heart was fuzzy, teeming with repressed yet deeply rooted longing. Concern for Cyno was planted right next to it, keeping him on edge. But he was getting Cyno to a manageable place, so he had confidence he would come back to himself.
He ran through a list of things in his head. Food, water, probably some stretches since Cyno had been tense all morning, and something to laugh about. That sounded like a good remedy. He would do his best. It always hurt to see Cyno in pain, whether from a physical or emotional wound. But they'd been through plenty together, and he was certain at this point that they would make it through this too.
He got a fairly large cup from its place in the stacked bins of clean utensils and filled it with cold water from the washroom. (Archons be thanked for Hydro plumbing—he still needed to thank that Fontainian traveler for such a gift.) Then he ascended to his room once more. Once there, he found Cyno sitting upright, to his surprise, and taking adorably exaggerated breaths.
A smile flitted onto Tighnari's lips as he watched, but he wasn't permitted long. Cyno noticed him immediately, like he was waiting for him to come back.
It did something funny to Tighnari's heart.
"Number?" He asked, coming over to sit in front of him on the bed.
"Eleven."
"Good, Cyno," he murmured, enjoying the way his friend's gaze was riveted to him. The praise affected Cyno probably more than he knew. Tighnari could see its calming effects.
"I didn't tell you to sit up yet," he commented, an eyebrow raised.
Cyno fidgeted with the blanket. "Well, I figured if I asked for water, I was gonna have to sit up eventually. So I might as well do it while you were gone." He glanced up at Tighnari, unsure of himself now. "Should I...not have done that?"
Thinking very carefully about his next move, Tighnari tapped a finger on his leg. "You can, of course, do however you like. There's certainly nothing wrong with that. However...if you'll let me..." he settled his hand over Cyno's knee instead. "I'd like to be in charge of making those kinds of decisions for you right now too. The ones that don't really matter. Or take too much to think about."
Cyno looked a mixture of shocked and relieved, but Tighnari let Cyno interpret the expression for him. While he’d seemed desperate for Tighnari’s control a while ago, now that he was more organized and less panicked out of his mind, he was apparently reprocessing the implications of that control.
"How do you feel about that?"
His friend swallowed visibly. He didn't look necessarily uncomfortable, but of course, Tighnari couldn't rely on that.
"Uh—I—I don't know…Do I have to know?"
Tighnari shook his head, smiling at his truthfulness. It was enormously helpful, not to mention adorable beyond belief. Of course the non-acceptance put Tighnari on edge that maybe he was pushing too far and needed to go back to familiar territory, but enough years of experience told him that was his own insecurity talking.
"No, that's perfectly fine. Just think about it, alright? For now you can do whatever you'd like and I'll just guide you, unless you decide otherwise. Remember, just squeeze my fingers if you don’t like something and I’ll back off. How does that sound?"
Cyno nodded in agreement, this time looking more sure of himself. Although he still asked, "You…want to?" Like it was hard to believe Tighnari wasn't doing anything besides wanting so hard his chest ached.
"I offered, didn’t I?" Without waiting long enough for Cyno to start worrying about something again, he held up the cup of water. "Offer still stands. Now drink."
But when Cyno moved to grab the cup from him, he held onto it firmly. "Can I do this for you too?" he tested, giving him space to figure it out.
Cyno didn't hesitate as long on this one. Sure, he looked a little awkward about the idea of someone feeding him water when he had two hands to do it himself, but he still nodded, seeming intrigued as to what Tighnari would do.
The continued trust made him want to fly with how light he felt. God, he was privileged.
Easy appraisal flowed from him. "Thank you, Cyno," he responded softly, raising a hand to cup his cheek again. "You're being so good, telling me what you want." His thumbpad brushed over the bone underneath, gentle and repetitive.
Cyno audibly sighed at that, his guard dropping with each brush of his finger. Wonderful. Tighnari wanted him out of his head. They'd made progress before he'd gotten up, and he was confident they'd get there again.
"Thank you for being honest with me. It helps more than you know." More gentle strokes of his thumb. Only when he saw him sink into his touch did Tighnari press the cup to his lips.
Cyno raised a hand, then retreated, his fingers twitching indecisively. Tighnari couldn't have that.
"Hands around my wrist," he coaxed, motioning with his chin. He grabbed one of Cyno's hands and placed it on his arm holding the cup. "That way you can feel my pressure for yourself."
His explanation seemed to calm the momentary anxiety in his friend, and Cyno mirrored his demonstration with the other hand. Tighnari poured a little of the water into his mouth. Just a sip, nothing more. Cyno swallowed, and Tighnari started petting through his hair to reward him.
"There you go, nice and easy. You'll feel better once you've gotten this water down."
He was so easy to praise, and adorable even more because he didn't seem aware of just how much he was showing Tighnari he liked it. He leaned into Tighnari's hand, gazing up at him with a look that he'd never seen directed at him before.
Tighnari continued petting his hair, running his fingers through it methodically while giving Cyno a few more sips of water. Then he rested his forehead against his temple once more, filled with a primal need to show what this man meant to him.
"See? Not so bad at all. We want to keep your mind focused here. Right here, with me. You're doing such a great job for me."
Cyno made a noise that should only be described as cute, although Tighnari, who was madly in love with the man, found it mildly arousing as well. It was a soft noise in the back of his throat, akin to if a whine and a mewl were mixed together. He tightened his grip around Tighnari's wrist near imperceptibly but relaxed everything else.
Tighnari chuckled warmly. "That's what I like to hear." His claws lightly scratched Cyno's scalp. "Don't keep those down. It lets me know you're comfortable."
Little by little, they got the water down. Tighnari discovered that Cyno thrived when he was only allowed to do one thing at a time. He alternated between giving him a sip of water and affectionate feedback. Cyno was steadily falling into the role, and if Tighnari was reading him correctly, he was getting his strength back as well. His eyes weren’t glassy from fear anymore. He was breathing regularly. He was a little more confident and didn’t degrade himself so much. Once, when Tighnari caught him spiraling and saying “Oh god, I’m sorry, I’m not good at this, sorry,” for accidentally bumping Tighnari’s arm and spilling the water down his chin, Tighnari interrupted him.
He slid a hand into Cyno’s hair at the nape of his neck and gripped it tightly. Speaking right up close to Cyno’s ear, he murmured, “Stop. Apologizing.” It was a gentle yet firm reprimand.
Cyno’s breath hitched for a completely different reason this time. He closed his eyes, lifting his chin to chase the feeling of Tighnari’s breath against his ear. It was delicious to watch him greedily soak up all the affection that Tighnari gave him, so he gave him more. (Truly, with this kind of encouragement, it was hard not to.)
“It’s unnecessary,” he added. His lips were close enough to kiss the tips of Cyno’s ears, the lobes, all over. It was so tempting. But then he released Cyno’s hair, favoring instead to drag a thumb up his neck and wipe up the drip of water that’d escaped.
“Let me. I don’t want you worrying about anything right now, Cyno.” He shook his head as he spoke for emphasis, all while his hand came up to grip Cyno’s chin loosely. That same thumb swiped away the water at the corner of his mouth.
“Leave it to me, yeah? Accidents are a part of everything, and I’d like it to be my job right now to fix them. You are good at this.” He swallowed, a lump in his throat forming from just how badly he wanted to kiss Cyno.
He knew he shouldn’t say it.
At this point, he really didn’t give a fuck.
“You are so good for me, Cyno.” The praise dripped off his tongue and into Cyno’s parted mouth. They were so close that each of their breaths wetted each other’s lips, especially when Cyno breathed something that sounded like a silent moan. Tighnari’s tail bristled and he was left wanting and wanting and wanting.
Cyno’s lips were plump and shiny from the water. They weren’t red or swollen, like they would be if they’d been thoroughly kissed and bitten, but Tighnari’s imagination was strong at this point.
And it would be so easy to…just…
He didn’t let himself though. He wouldn’t take advantage of Cyno’s trust, especially with the state he was in right now. So instead, he was left speechless, breathing heavily and trying to get himself back under control. Cyno stared up at him, pupils blown wide, eyebrows lifted in a soft expression that…
Oh fuck.
Tighnari had to look away then.
Cyno looked smitten with him.
That was absolutely too much to handle.
He didn’t know what to do with that knowledge. Or at least the fact that he was the subject of adoration at the moment. It was something he had always hoped for, of course, but never truly thought he would experience.
It was unmooring.
He was the one supposed to be grounding Cyno.
How could he do that when Cyno was tilting his whole world on its axis?
Those goddamn gorgeous eyes. The glow of his skin. The way his thick hair scattered across his shoulders, tousled from sleep. The rise and fall of his chest, finally calm after such a difficult night. The trust lining his body as he leaned towards Tighnari. The way he allowed him into his personal space that he was so sparing with everyone else. The part of his lips, their natural curve, that asymmetrical tilt slightly to the right that Tighnari always adored.
It was killing him. Cyno was killing him.
Tighnari pulled him into a hug with his free arm. His breath shuddered. His grip around Cyno’s shoulders was tight, and when it wasn’t close enough, his hand slipped up to thread through his hair.
“Nari,” Cyno breathed, relaxing against him. That made Tighnari’s situation worse, to hear his name said like that.
‘Stop saying my name like you want to worship me, that only makes me want you more,’ mixed in his head with ‘say it again, say it again, say it again’.
Tighnari certainly could’ve had no idea how his little lapse of hesitance would prove to be so successful.
He hummed deep, still speechless. Ears flicked back to lay flat against his head while he combed through Cyno’s hair. This time it was as much for him as it was for Cyno. And Cyno, like the good pet he was, was still holding onto his wrist like Tighnari had instructed.
“Want you to feel safe with me,” Tighnari finally murmured when he found the words. It was a struggle to think of any words except kiss me, I like you so, so much, you are everything to me. He rested his chin on top of Cyno’s head protectively. “I meant it when I said I’d take care of you.”
“Nari.”
“Hmm?”
“Nothing.”
His response made it seem like he was just saying his name to feel the shape of it in his mouth. Like he simply enjoyed saying it. The thought made Tighnari smile.
“Mm’kay. Let’s finish this water, hmm?”
Cyno nodded. There wasn’t very much left in the cup, but Tighnari fed it to him until it was gone. After the last sip, he granted Cyno some time to feel proud of his achievement. He guided the cup down from his face with a small, “‘kay,” and rubbed his thumb across the back of Cyno’s neck in reward. “See? I told you you were good at this. Look, it’s empty.”
One of the things he adored most about Cyno was his unconscious earnesty when he was around those he trusted. It wasn’t something he showed outside of the comfort of his safe spaces, and that made it all the more endearing. Cyno actually looked inside the cup when Tighnari spoke as if to confirm that it truly was empty, then his eyes were back up to roaming his face.
Tighnari couldn’t stop from cooing, and he went to hug him again. He murmured, “You can drop my wrist now, it’s okay.” Then he hugged Cyno’s neck with both arms, allowing them both the space to return to their regular selves. Cyno hummed, finally content in his embrace.
They both wordlessly held each other until Tighnari’s back started growing sore from the funny angle it was twisted in. He untangled himself with a final squeeze and got up to set the cup on the nightstand.
Notably, Cyno did not panic or cry when he was more than a few feet away this time. That was more like the Cyno he knew, secure in himself. Tighnari’s plan had worked wonders, honestly, for them both. It left a fuzzy feeling in his heart to look after Cyno like this.
Fulfilling. That was the word.
He promptly forgot all about the cup the next second when he looked back at Cyno. Damn, is he pretty.
Tighnari now stood in front of Cyno, whose eyes were forever trained on him. It was a kind of prolonged eye contact that he honestly hadn’t known the man was capable of. But Tighnari loved it. It felt so much more intimate this way.
He carefully took Cyno’s hands in his own, a small smile playing on his lips. “How are you feeling now?”
Adorably, the expression on his face was mirrored in Cyno’s. “A lot better.” He gripped Tighnari’s hands back. A flick of uncertainty flashed across his face. “Does that mean…you'll stop?”
“Stop what?”
“Um. Telling me—” Tighnari couldn’t see a blush on his dark skin, but he knew it was there from the way his palms grew sweaty. “Telling me what to do?”
Well, Cyno certainly had been able to see his blush this whole time. Very gently, he affirmed, “For now, yes.” Tighnari was fairly certain if they did this any longer, it would start to become too much for Cyno. His friend wasn’t always aware of his limits when they happened, so Tighnari had learned to approach most things with care. And he really, really hoped there would be more time for this kind of exploration with him.
The uncertainty on Cyno’s face started to grow into apprehension, but Tighnari was quicker. “Don’t worry, that doesn’t mean I’ll go away. I’d still like to spend my time with you—” He threaded his fingers carefully through Cyno’s— “And…I can be affectionate with you still, if, ah…if you’re not opposed.” His gaze flitted to the side as his spine prickled.
“I’d like that,” Cyno said before Tighnari could make excuses as to why he wanted to stay close to him. Finally breaking that unyielding gaze he had trained on Tighnari, he leaned forward to hug his waist.
He mumbled into Tighnari’s tank top, “Feels nice.”
Warm.
That’s what it felt like to have those words seep through to his heart.
That’s what it felt like to have Cyno’s ongoing interest in the intimacy that Tighnari was offering.
“Yeah.” Tighnari’s heart ached with relief and satisfaction. “Yeah it is.”
He massaged Cyno’s shoulders lightly. Cyno hummed against his stomach. Excitement sparked in his belly—that was certainly a new sensation. One that he could definitely get used to.
“Have I ever told you how much I like your honesty?”
Cyno chuckled slightly. “All the time, Nari.”
That made Tighnari laugh full-on, and the arms around his waist squeezed him briefly. “I suppose I do often enough, don’t I? Well, it’s a good trait.” His thumbs dug circles into the knots in Cyno’s shoulders, trying his best to relieve tension. He wasn’t as good at massages as Cyno, but he’d learned his fair share of things from paying far too much attention whenever Cyno gave him one.
“How was that for you?” he inquired thoughtfully, referring to their dynamic play. “It was…kind of a new thing for us.”
Cyno misinterpreted his aim and said, “Good. I usually don’t like when people touch me, but I don’t mind when you do it. ‘S really nice.”
Goosebumps raised on his arms. To hear that out loud was…
Well. Tighnari would definitely be thinking about that for the next few lifetimes.
A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, but he fought it down. “Good to know. It’s nice for me too. We’ve always been close, so I guess this just feels right too.”
His face burned at the admission, but Cyno held him tighter wordlessly. Still not a sign of rejection. He’d been bracing himself for one this whole time, so it was further shocking to be proven wrong
Tighnari redirected to his original question. He was more specific this time around. “And how about…submission? How did that feel? Have you ever done that before?”
Cyno shook his head, looking back up at Tighnari. Why was he always comfortable with eye contact at the exact opposite times as Tighnari…But even if the directness was anxiety inducing, that was just how Cyno’s brain worked. When he thought about it like that, there was no way he could wish to do this a different way. He wanted Cyno, not convenience.
“I haven’t,” his friend admitted. Looks like Tighnari’s little gamble had been right.
His hands came around to hold Tighnari’s waist. “It’s definitely new, but…not unpleasant.”
Tighnari couldn’t help it. “Damn, that’s all I get?” he teased lightly. “‘Not unpleasant’? I clearly need to step up my game next time, then.”
“Okay, okay, fine. I liked it.” There was that telltale tilt of Cyno's head that gave away whenever he was flustered. “A lot.”
Cute.
He had to laugh, hand coming up from Cyno’s shoulder to brush his cheek. “I’m just teasing,” he placated. Cyno’s glare was half-accusatory and half-abashed. “I hope it was comfortable. It seemed to calm you down a lot.”
His friend mumbled, “Yeah,” while leaning into his palm. “I was surprised, actually. I mean, it was harder than I thought. But it was also easier at the same time.” He twisted his lips apologetically. “Well, now I’m just not making any sense, but hopefully you get what I mean.”
“I do, don’t worry.” Tighnari let silence rest over their shoulders like a warm blanket, all the while sifting through the ends of Cyno’s thick hair. Gods, he liked playing with it more than he thought, which was saying a lot for someone who'd been dying to touch it for years.
“Was it—” Now it was Cyno’s turn to stutter. “Was—it okay for you too?”
A silly question, really, when you take into consideration the sheer number of thoughts and desires Tighnari had kept locked away all this time of wanting to dominate Cyno any way he could. He just wanted to be close to him. He wanted to love him openly. And he so fiercely wanted Cyno to love him back.
One step at a time, Tighnari, he chided himself. Those kinds of things aren’t built in a day. Patience with progress yields the best results.
“Very,” was his one-word reply to Cyno’s silly question. Any longer and he might’ve found himself saying additional shit like ‘you’re the sweetest sub I’ve ever seen’ and ‘let’s grow old together’. Things he was definitely getting ahead of himself with.
A moment of charged silence passed between them. Cyno’s thumbs rubbed circles into the front of his waist. Then, he mumbled again, “You said ‘next time’?”
Tighnari’s smile was probably far too soft. He could only censor himself so much, though. “There can be next time, if you want there to be.” He swallowed, once again pushing down years of hesitance and second-guessing and just fucking kept talking, because that was the only way he would ever say what he wanted to say.
“Although, if we do continue with this…I…it’ll most likely permanently change the nature of our relationship. But for me at least,” he swallowed thickly. “...I’m not opposed to that change.” There was a meaningful pause as he let the words sink through Cyno’s mind. “I’m wondering what you think about that.”
Cyno hugged him carefully and wordlessly. Tighnari wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but he was sure what it didn’t mean. Cyno was not repulsed by his affection if he was actively seeking it out. And that was such a wonderful discovery.
Then Cyno looked up at him, chin still pressed against his chest. Oh, he looked beautiful.
“I’m…it’ll take me time to adjust. You know that.” Cyno’s voice was deep and sincere, and it held every ounce of Tighnari’s attention.
Tighnari nodded in affirmation.
“But I’m certainly not opposed to that change either. Quite the opposite.”
Stunned, Tighnari’s ears flicked several directions in quick succession. How was he supposed to process all this acceptance from the first and only man who’d unknowingly taught him what it felt like to desire someone, fully and completely?
He blinked, eyes flicking back and forth between Cyno’s to study them. When he found no hesitation there, only that endearing honesty, words stuck to the sides of his throat. He couldn’t speak. Didn’t know what he would say even if he could.
Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes, a little pathetically.
Then he was laughing. A smile tugged at his lips, and when he tried to mask it it just beamed through anyway. He laughed, relief flooding him, and laughed some more. His hands found Cyno’s and tugged on them til he was standing, and then his arms were wrapping around his neck. He held on tightly by habit, like he was afraid Cyno would slip through them. But he didn’t. Cyno stayed right where he was and returned the embrace fully.
He shifted on his feet, too happy to stay still, and they rocked from side to side for a little bit. Cyno’s face tucked into the crook of Tighnari’s neck, right up close where he wanted him. Tighnari’s tail behind him swished excitedly, though he kept it from wrapping around Cyno too. Later. Later.
And it was nice, even nicer than Tighnari had ever imagined. Nice just to hug Cyno without worrying about being too much. They didn’t speak, but soaked in each other’s calming presence through their skin. It was just like previous times when they’d sat together side by side, content with each other and secure in their friendship; only this time, they were touching, they were bonded closer than they ever had been before, and there was the unspoken promise of more to come.
Cyno was interested in that emotional intimacy with him. The thought had Tighnari humming lightly, short and simple, but content.
“Then we have much to discuss,” he said at last. “Negotiations, limits, preferences, boundaries, all that. But not now. I’m gonna guess you’re too exhausted for anything like that.
Cyno laughed at that, a rare one that landed somewhere deep within his chest. Tighnari’s ears flicked down to his head at the sound. “Yeah, probably. It’s only like, what, nine in the morning? And I could already use a nap.”
Tighnari opened his eyes to peer out the window. “Actually, it’s probably closer to ten. Or eleven.”
Cyno sucked in air through his teeth. “Ooh, that’s later than I thought. I really hope you didn’t have any plans you missed because of me.”
Tighnari shook his head, not budging an inch from Cyno’s arms. He would give the world to stay here forever. “Nope. Collei needs me at twelve for some extraction technique study, but I mostly had planned to be with you for the weekend. You can even come for our study session, if you want. I’m sure Collei would be delighted to see you. She always is.”
One of Cyno’s palms shifted to hold his side, obviously still hesitant to explore but eager nonetheless. It stroked up and down, sending tingles through Tighnari’s skin through his cotton shirt. Tighnari showed his appreciation by giving another little hum next to Cyno’s ear.
“Sounds fun,” Cyno agreed easily. His voice was soft. Tighnari preferred hearing it like this much more than the panicked, rough state it’d been in earlier. Calm sounded good on him.
“Thanks again, Nari.”
Tighnari’s thumb stroked the top of the shoulder it was resting on, loving how that little pet name made his knees weak. He didn’t tolerate it from anyone else (although he had learned that Kaveh was relentless and very begrudgingly let him use it too).
Cyno continued. “You didn’t have to stay and help like you did, but I’m really glad you did anyway. It—I…I felt cared about.”
“You are cared about.”
And that was really all Tighnari needed to say.
The way they held each other said the rest.