Chapter Text
Twelve months. She was banned from driving for twelve months. Carla Connor understood that much worse things had happened over the past few days. A tram had fallen off the viaduct and crashed right into the street. Businesses had been destroyed, although thankfully not hers. Not that she wasn’t struggling there, with her business partner set to pull out. Lives had been lost. Lives of friends and neighbours. Everyone was walking around like ghosts, as they dealt with the shock of what had happened.
But Carla was too lost in her own feelings. Her own torment. She knew it was selfish but she couldn’t help it. Some days, it felt like her whole life was a trauma. It felt like one thing after another.
Paul had died. Liam had died. Tony Gordon had tried to kill her and Hayley both. She’d tried so hard to move on. She’d started dating Trevor but she should have known it would never work out. He was too different to the men she had been with before. Too nice. Unambitious. She’d tried to mould him into something he wasn’t and, like everyone, he had got sick of it. Sick of her.
She felt completely alone.
That’s why the drinking had started in the first place. It wasn’t to say she hadn’t always liked a drink. She loved a red wine of an evening or a vodka tonic. But when want had become need… that’s when she had started to worry. She’d even taken herself to an AA group but she’d spotted her neighbour, Peter Barlow, fiancé of her friend, Leanne, there. Typical that of all the AA groups, she would have known someone there. That wasn’t anonymous, was it?
She had backed off before he could see her. Gone home and had more to drink. Every day, she’d had more to drink. Until one night, she’d been incredibly stupid. She’d driven home. Been stopped by the police minutes from her flat. She’d been livid but knew her anger had really been guilt and shame.
And so, she had found another AA group. A different one to Peter Barlow. She was now stood outside the room, bracing herself to go in.
“Excuse me?” a pretty, blonde woman said, politely, coming up behind her.
“Oh! Sorry!” Carla squeaked, stepping out of the way.
The blonde smiled and pushed open the door. She held it open for Carla.
“Are you coming in?” she asked.
Carla’s heart pounded. This was her last moment to turn back. Go home. Open a bottle of wine. Then she thought about a year of taxis and Heaven forbid, the bus. She nodded, thanking her politely and following her in.
Minutes later, Carla was sat in a circle full of strangers, sipping a cup of tea and questioning all her life choices. She looked around at each new, tired face. She was sat opposite the blonde she’d met at the door. She was looking down, fiddling with her paper cup of coffee. The chairperson opened the meeting, welcoming Carla, who was new. She introduced herself as Julia.
A man in his early sixties, a retired firefighter began to talk about his week, about how close he’d been to having a drink the night before. His name was Tony. She hated the name Tony. But he seemed nicer than Jeff in his ill-fitting suit and smarmy expression, who had hit on her while she was choosing a biscuit. He looked less interested in healing his addiction and more in sizing up the women of the group. She made a mental note to steer clear of him.
George was talking now. Explaining that he had started drinking when his wife had died. Carla listened. She could relate. She was sure she would have been okay if Liam had lived. She cursed all the years she had wasted being married to his brother. The man who had never treated her with any respect. And that was before he had started seeing sex workers behind her back. Before he had thrown one of them in the boot of his car, furious at being found out. Before he had crashed the car and died.
There were three women in the group. The blonde, of course, whose quiet expression kept drawing Carla in. Then there was one about twenty years older than her. She had been talking for ten minutes now about growing up in care and moving from one abusive partner to the other. From the way Julia was trying to move her on, it sounded like she had told the story many, many times.
Catherine, not much older than her, had had her children taken away, due to her addiction. Carla could hardly imagine it. She’d never wanted kids herself. Her upbringing had been too difficult for her to fathom what a Mum was supposed to be like. So, she figured staying away from any attempt to raise children was her safest bet.
Then there was the blonde woman, who hadn’t opened her mouth for the entire session. She was roughly her age. Very pretty and put together. Carla wondered what her story was. How she had come to be here. She looked different to the other people in the group. More together. Capable. Strong. But there was a sadness in her eyes that Carla struggling to tear her gaze from.
“And what about you?”
The question took her by surprise. She’d been so absorbed in everyone else’s stories that she’d forgotten she would also be invited to speak.
“Oh! Um… Well, I’m Carla,” she ventured. “I uh… I’ve been struggling a bit. You know, with drinking. Someone I loved… he died. Someone I didn’t love tried to kill me. I guess everything’s become a bit much. Relying on alcohol and everything. I uh… I got arrested for drink driving.”
A couple of people nodded. Not the blonde woman.
“I’ve had a twelve month ban. A fine. And I… guess I need some help?”
“Well, welcome, Carla,” Julia said. “We’re glad you’re here.”
She seemed nice. A good fit to lead a group of recovering alcoholics. She was perhaps ten years older than Carla, with kind, soft features.
“I got banned too,” Catherine chipped in. “It was one of the reasons my kids were taken away. Because I was on my way to the school run. But I’d had a shit day so I thought a couple of drinks would help take the edge off.”
Carla nodded. She tried not to judge the woman for being willing to drive, over the limit, with her kids in the car. She wasn’t exactly in a position to criticise. She’d like to say she had been at risk of only killing herself but she knew it wasn’t true. She could have hit anyone. Killed anyone. She’d been lucky. She wanted it to be her wake up call.
“It can be hard,” Tony said. “When you’ve had a drink, you feel invincible. You can do anything. You think you’re talking normally, walking in a straight line. You think you’re fine to get behind the wheel and carry on your normal life. But you can’t. And everyone around you can see the mess you are.”
Carla swallowed. Had the people in her life noticed what a mess she was? Roy and Hayley? Leanne? Michelle? She suddenly felt very embarrassed. She had the urge to stand up and leave but she forced herself to stay. This was why she was here. To face her demons and learn how to move forward. No matter how difficult it was.
“Well, I would never drink and drive,” Sandra said firmly. “I’m a lot of things but I’m not that person. One of my exes always used to get in the car when he’d had a few. He used to love frightening me with it. Going too fast. No. I would never do that. Never.”
“Sandra, we’re not meant to be judgemental here,” Julia reminded her.
She had a calmness to her voice that Carla appreciated.
“I was just saying…” Sandra pouted.
“Remember this is a safe space. We don’t judge people’s stories in that way,” Julia said firmly.
Sandra nodded and finished the dregs of her tea.
Julia turned to the blonde woman.
“Lisa, would you like to share today?”