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Hyuntak always wondered why he had never had a partner.
I mean, it’s completely normal for a hormonal teenager to doubt if they had ever been found attractive, but it still bugged Gotak off.
He knew he was conventionally attractive, he had a mirror— he was tall, slim but strong figure, refined features and all of that. Not only that, but he considered himself as a kind and gentle person despite his somewhat hotheaded personality. He always helped the one who needed, defended the vulnerable and smiled when someone friendly was talking back to him. The facts that he did sports and knew how to fight were another variable that, in his opinion, should work out in his favor.
So it puzzled him out the fact that he had never been asked out, or even told that someone had a crush on him. He could feel it sometimes, like when in middle school a girl from his class couldn’t stop looking at him during English period, or when a guy from his rival basketball team made intense eye contact every time they were battling for the ball.
But it never escalated more than a few glances or tiny chuckles— the girl stopped looking at him and started avoiding him after a week, the guy dropped out from his team and never played against him again.
Baku would always tell him that he was crazy, that girls and guys all died for a chance with him, but he didn’t quite believe him considering there was no proof of that statement. Like, how was he supposed to believe he was lovable when no one even tried to get near him?
He remembered one time, first year of high school, when, for a couple of months, Gotak started getting a crush on a guy on the soccer team. He was taller than Hyuntak, defined arms and olive skin, and his grin always made Gogo blushed whether it was directed to him or not.
They started talking one day after a group project they were assigned together, and, from there, their chats and casual conversations started increasing every day.
He was nice, Yunho. He always bought Hyuntak a banana milk, sometimes watched him practice after school, and even one time paid for his meal after walking him to his house.
The tiny gestures would always make Gotak’s heart flutter, cheeks going red and suddenly a wave of embarrassment emerging from his chest, but it was nice. He had even started imagining how it would be to be in a formal relationship with Yunho, frequently fantasizing in the middle of classes or before going to sleep.
That until, one day, Yunho didn’t attend school. And the day after, and after, and after. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. Posters and banners were hung everywhere, searching for the missing sixteen years old. Some theorize that he had run away after an argument with his father, others thought that maybe he had been kidnapped. Hope and prayers were spread throughout the whole school for the poor boy, but sadly, he was never found. His name faded into the air, the posters slowly falling off, the sense of dread disappearing from the school hallways, and still Gotak remembered his sweet smile and low voice.
Throughout all the chaos of the time, Baku had been his pillar as always. He comforted him when Gogo missed Yunho, always trying to take him out of his mind by distracting him with other activities. He was clingier those days, making sure Gotak knew he was there to support him. He helped Gogo hang the missing posters, even accompanied him to Yunho’s house to give condolences to his parents, who were absolutely devastated by their son’s disappearance but profoundly thanked them for the effort and kind words.
Hyuntak remembered feeling the most loved and seen during that time thanks to Humin, realizing that he really couldn’t live without the other by his side.
Humin always assured he was okay, going out of his way to please him and help him, never complaining and always with a smile just for Hyuntak. Gotak really didn’t know what he had done to deserve Humin, but by hell he was not letting go of him.
And in those times, when they spent a night walk together after a long day, or when Baku’s smile was brighter than normally; when his voice was louder, or when his shoulders fell and he let himself be completely relaxed by Gogo’s side, Hyuntak thought that maybe he didn’t need anyone else by his side than Park Humin. Maybe he was okay with never having a relationship if it meant spending the rest of his life with his best friend. Humin seemed to be the one that took the most care of him, the one that knew him the best. Life was easier with Baku at his side.
At the start of their third year, though, Kim Jiwoon joined their basketball team. He was really outgoing and intense in a way, but he never really invaded anyone’s space or made someone feel uncomfortable. On the contrary, his personality and attitude made everyone feel safe and at ease around him.
Gotak and Jiwoon started spending time together after a game, when the whole team went out to eat at Baku’s restaurant. Jiwoon had had this particular glow in his eyes, and he was extra attentive that day with Gogo— always asking if he needed something else, helping him serve himself a plate of chicken, and even wiping off some sauce from the corner of Gotak’s mouth with his napkin.
It had flustered Gotak to say the least, giggling a bit and smiling more than usual, but it had felt nice.
Maybe this was his chance to actually have a relationship, to feel how it was to be loved and adored by someone in a romantic way. To kiss and hug and cuddle with someone, and maybe fight sometimes for the sake of it.
They started texting each other at night, and then Jiwoon started giving him the good mornings as well. Sometimes Jiwoon would deliberately touch his waist at practice, and maybe Gotak would shift a little to give him better access. And if they exchanged a few glances during games, then no one was to judge them. Jiwoon had even bought them matching keychains of a basketball, one Gotak used since Jiwoon gifted it to him.
Gotak remembered talking excitedly with Sieun, Juntae and Baku about Jiwoon, telling them that he was starting to get a strong crush on the other and that he felt he was corresponded. Juntae had gotten all excited with him, Sieun had slightly smiled and congratulated him for finally getting a situationship, and Baku had been the loudest of them all; screaming how his Gogo was finally being treated well and that he was so happy for him and Jiwoon, but that they better not dare to do anything inappropriate in the basketball room.
Two days later, Hyuntak was shaken awake by his mother. It was darker than usual, which meant it was earlier than his usual routine. Confused, he asked her what had happened, and his mother had only been able to give him a dolorous look before giving him her phone. The screen displayed the news of a body found by the police at the edge of the Han river, said body being identified as Jiwoon, his Jiwoon. The police had found him at 5 am after a horrified woman called 112 to report a body floating in the river, and after examining, they concluded that he had been murdered with a white weapon and been thrown to the river after dying.
The police declared he had suffered severe trauma at the moment of the murder, and that the murderer had attacked him with what seemed to be a knife in the neck and left side multiple times. It appeared as if Jiwoon tried to fight his attacker, but it was for no use. Even after hours of searching, the murder weapon had not been found, as well as there were no traces of the murderer. No DNA left at the scene, or any pieces of clothing. No CCTV cameras at the scene or marks of any vehicle. No witnesses, and nothing found in the victim’s phone that could suggest who, why or where the murder was committed. Not even a tiny hint was left behind, nothing to try and find the culprit. It was as if they had disappeared, as if a ghost had been the one to commit such an atrocious act. Who was the one that killed Jiwoon, and why? Why had they done it? Why?
Hyuntak was devastated. Just the night before he had talked with Jiwoon, they wished the other good night and promised to see each other at practice. But now? Now Jiwoon was gone, and his final breaths had most probably been miserable.
He could not even imagine what Jiwoon went through before dying, and just the mere thought that he was brutally killed made his chest tighten and his lungs burn.
Selfishly, he was not only mourning the death of a close friend, but the possibility of what seemed to be a change in romance in his life. After so much time trying, he thought he had finally found what he was yearning for, just for it to be taken away.
That same day, while his mother tried to comfort him and leave him some space, Humin arrived at his house, as if sensing Gotak needed consolation.
He had brought with him Gotak’s favorite snacks, and just upon seeing him lying in bed, he made space for himself and brought Gotak closer for a warm and firm embrace, letting Hyuntak sob and cry all he wanted against his chest.
Humin let small kisses to his hair and never let his hand stop caressing his back, whispering small consolation words to Gotak’s ears to calm him and let him know he was still there.
Humin made sure Hyuntak recovered, just like he had done when Yunho’s incident happened. And Hyuntak felt himself slowly depending more on his best friend, letting Baku take care of him, drifting closer to him because Gogo felt that, if he didn’t support himself on Baku, then he would fall and break down.
Afterall, Baku seemed to be the only person that loved him that hadn’t gone away one way or another, and Gotak wouldn’t stand it if Humin ever disappeared.
Hyuntak and Humin started spending more time together than what they usually did. Always cuddling in Gotak’s bed, or trying out different restaurants. Humin always made sure to know what Hyuntak was doing and if he felt okay, and Gogo took the same care for him when making sure Baku didn’t overwork himself or actually ate well.
Their connection, surprisingly, had gotten ten times stronger, both of them feeling they wouldn’t be able to breathe if the other wasn’t by their side.
And Gotak was just oh so grateful to him, the only one that ever made him feel adored and seen even through rough times.
They usually spent time at Gotak’s house because of Humin’s complicated relationship with his father, but that night they had decided to binge-watch movies at Baku’s room.
Call it a surprise when, while Baku was in the bathroom, Gotak found the same keychain Jiwoon had bought for them inside one of his drawers after searching for a charger.
He was surely not mistaken— yeah, it seemed impossible that Jiwoon’s keychain ended in Baku’s room because Jiwoon didn’t even visit Baku once, but at the same time, the keychain in Baku’s drawer was identical to the one he had and the one Jiwoon himself had bought. Not only that, but the fact that he remembers Jiwoon wearing the keychain a day before his murderer and said keychain being now covered in blood made him question everything that he knew.
There was only one possibility for Jiwoon’s keychain to end up in Baku's drawer covered in blood, and that possibility was definitely not good at all.
If Baku had… done it, which was heavily implied by now, then what else hadn’t he done? Was Yunho’s disappearance Baku’s fault? And the girl’s avoidance? And the guy’s drop out?
What about the Union and all of those guys that appeared badly injured after they annoyed Hyuntak? Was Baku behind it all?
Was Baku actually able to do such terrible acts? For what? He was well known for not tolerating violence to any degree, for always being a great and kind guy, for being Baku. But now? What did this say about him? Did Gotak actually know him at all?
With pale skin and widened glossy eyes, Hyuntak slowly turned around when he heard Baku’s door being opened. He stood there with the keychain being held between his trembling hands, and waited for whatever Humin was going to do after seeing him with the only evidence that could incriminate him.
Baku just looked at his face before looking at the keychain, and the expression he had after realizing what happened was one of fear.
Fear? What was HE afraid of?
“Are you… scared of me?” Was what followed after a long silence, Baku’s gaze stuck to an undefined point behind Gogo.
Afraid of him? Of a person who seemingly was a serial murderer? Was he afraid of Baku?
Actually, that was a very good question. Was he afraid of Baku? Of his best friend since diapers. Of his soulmate. Of the person that always stood by his side. Of his Baku.
Was he really scared of Baku?
Both possible answers disgusted the hell out of him. On one hand, they were talking about someone who murdered one (if not multiple) person, a monster you could say. Baku had mercilessly taken away Jiwoon’s life, and pretended that everything was okay for weeks after that.
He did not only murder him, but made sure he left no evidence whatsoever so that no one could ever discover him. His act had been meticulously planned and executed to perfection, Baku clearly practiced enough that he even scared the police with how perfectly the murder had been.
But on the other hand, it was Baku they were talking about. Baku, who always protected him from bullies and beat the shit out of them. Baku, who always smiled too wide and too warm at him after Gotak scored. Baku, who always cuddled with him on cold days and made sure to fill the room with his loudass voice.
How could he ever be scared of him? How did he dare not to?
Hyuntak decided to ignore the answer, mostly for his own sake than for Baku’s.
“… did you do it?” Was what Gotak decided to reply after somewhat recovering his voice. He did not need confirmation to know it had been Humin, but he desperately needed him to, somehow, deny it had been him, even after such obvious proof.
“… yes.” Was instead the answer he got back. Even while holding Jiwoon’s keychain, even after Baku asking him if he was scared, the confirmation crushed him more than anything had ever had. Knowing his closest person had been capable of commuting such terrible acts was dreadful, and his face showed that, jaw dropped and eyes teary.
“why?” Was the only thing he could muster before Humin’s apologetic figure. How had Humin been able to do such a thing?
Baku, instead of answering, gave the smallest step ahead from the doorway to his place, and even against all of his instincts that yelled at him to run, to push him out of the way and run, Gogo stood in place without even flinching from the sudden movement. The reaction made Baku more secure to get near him, now standing at a close distance, looking at Gogo with such eyes that it even made Gotak’s breath drop.
“I’m sorry.” Was the only thing Baku said, and his voice carried such sincerity that Gotak even believed him. How not when it was Baku the one talking to him?
Even so, the fact that Humin had been the one to murder Jiwoon and the one that made Yunho disappear still weighed over Gotak’s shoulders.
“They were people, and you killed them. How could you have done that?” His voice came out as a silent trembling scream, followed by a hot stream of tears that, even his best efforts, wouldn’t stop coming out.
“I know.” Humin said with such a warm whisper that it made Hyuntak sob even more. How was Humin so gentle while admitting to a murder?
Upon seeing him so broken, Humin couldn’t resist comforting him. He lifted his hands and brought Hyuntak to an embrace, and even despite all logic, Gotak let himself be held by his best friend.
He shouldn’t be allowing it, shouldn’t even still be at Baku’s house but in the police station reporting him, but his body still relaxed at Baku’s touch, and his mind slowed with Humin’s soft kisses to his temple.
“I’m so sorry, Gogo. Please forgive me.”
Humin didn’t try to justify himself, not even give an explanation to what he did, but just remained comforting Hyuntak while he sobbed against his chest and dealt with the guilt.
How could he let Baku comfort him after finding out the truth? How could he let himself relax while knowing Baku’s true nature?
How did he dare to feel safe and loved with the same person that brutally murder Jiwoon not too long ago?
He should report Baku to the authorities, bring the keychain as proof. He should inform Sieun and Juntae about Baku’s crime and get them away from him as fast as possible. He should scream to the air as loudest as he could that Humin was dangerous. He should push him and beat him up so badly that he wouldn’t be able to get up.
He should run and never look back.
But he didn’t. Hyuntak instead let himself be dragged to the bed and be cuddled by Baku.
He let Humin stroke his hair and wipe away his tears. He let Humin caress his face and look at him with such warm loving eyes.
“I’m always gonna be by your side, Gogo. You have me and only me.” Humin whispered to the night with such conviction that Hyuntak believed him.
He let Humin kiss him so gently, as if he was a delicate thing that could break if treated harshly, and he let himself melt to the contact and trust Humin with all his being.
In the end, why would Hyuntak distrust Humin after everything he has done for him? He killed, and lied, and probably blackmailed as well. But if Humin told him everything was fine, then Hyuntak would blindly believe him.
Afterall, Baku was the only one who loved him that wouldn’t go away.