Chapter Text
A two-week break from Blue Lock. That’s what was promised by Ego after the U20-match.
It was supposed to help them relax and enjoy themselves.
Sae was still in Japan. Which means he most likely would be staying at their house.
Which means he will stay in the same place as Sae for however long he decided to stay. Shouldn’t he be back in Spain by now anyway? What did he need to do in Japan?
——☆——
“With your tongue hanging out and drool running down your face …
you’re still not over it, are you?”
“The fact that you couldn’t score earlier means that was your limit.”
“If you stay and be a good boy at home, you could have died an easy death.”
“You had to poke your nose where it doesn’t belong.”
“You asked for it.”
“Now you know, Rin. You can’t be the best in the world.”
“Without me for an excuse, you can’t even play soccer.”
“Trash of a little brother who lives in my shadow.”
“Look at you.”
“I guess you can still make that face.”
“Rin.”
“I’ve misread it.”
“I didn’t think that Japan was able of producing a decent striker.”
“The one who has awakened your instinct and changes the soccer of this country…
It might be that egoist, Isagi Yoichi.”
——☆——
Rin had avoided going back for as long as possible, wandering around the city as long as he could.
It was getting dark, he was getting tired. He should go ‘home’.
The key rustled loudly in the silent hallway. Rin stepped inside, taking off his shoes before heading straight to his bedroom.
He had caught a glimpse of Sae sitting in the living room, watching TV. It had annoyed him seeing him act peaceful.
He grabbed his pyjamas from his room, intending to go shower.
Sae was irritating. Fucking Isagi was irritating. So so irritating.
Was Isagi really so much better than him? If Sae likes him so much, he should just go and declare him his new little brother. They’d surely get along better. Maybe it would be easier.
His fingers stop against his scalp, the pain from him practically dragging his nails against his skin stopping his thought process.
He rinsed himself off and stepped out of the shower.
The cuts from after the match still stung a little under the hot water. He was itching to paint new lines on his skin, but decided against it.
If Sae found out, what would he do?
He should stop thinking about him so much. He isn’t his ‘little-brother’ anymore after all. That title should go to Isagi.
Rin dries himself off and gets dressed before flopping onto his bed. There was a lot of stuff he wanted to do at the moment, but he could always do that later. He has time. Sleeping is much more important.
——☆——
“Rin..”
“In the four years I've been away, what have you been doing here?”
“Then quit.”
“Screw that ‘best in Japan’ shit.”
“Screw that ‘your replacement’ shit.”
“Don’t make me puke.”
“Don’t ever use me as an excuse to play soccer.”
“To me, You’re nothing but a nuisance. Just a little brother who’s a pain in the neck.”
“Get lost, Rin.”
“I don’t need you in my life anymore.”
——☆——
Waking up to a headache was a nice surprise. Rin sat up after what felt like forver of trying to go back to sleep, pressing the bottom of his palms against his eyes.
It was still dark outside. That didn’t stop Rin from going for a run. He had stopped by a soccer field on the way, deciding he should practice here during the break.
Doing this early in the morning was a perfect opportunity for silence.
Focusing all his energy on soccer instead of his thoughts was nice. The sound of the ball hitting the net was a nice, repetitive sound. This was nice.
The sun was starting to rise. He should get something to eat before his body runs out of energy.
He tapped his pockets. He hadn’t really taken anything with him other than his phone and key, so he’d have to go home and retrieve his wallet and buy something. He didn’t bother taking the time to prepare a meal.
——☆——
He didn’t feel like actually eating. He knew he had to, considering that he was actively trying to surpass his older brother. He couldn’t do that if he was malnourished.
The food still tasted like shit in his mouth. At least he got it down.
——☆——
He was dreading returning home. Sae would surely be awake by now. As much as he wanted to improve, it’d be smarter to not overwork himself. Maybe stretching a bit would help calm down his racing heart. Why was it beating that fast in the first place? It wasn’t like he was nervous of seeing Sae. He’s used to living with him.
He stepped inside after taking off his shoes, listening to hear if Sae was doing anything. Maybe he’d hear the television, or clicking on a screen, or anything. It was silent.
Why did he care?
…
Rin shut the door of his room behind him, sitting down on his carpet with his legs crossed and beginning his stretches.
He had time to think.
Why is Isagi more worthy of his praise than me? Why wasn’t I the one to score the goal?
Ouch. His shoulders were tense for whatever reason.
I need to get better. I need to be able to score a goal on my own without the help of my teammates. If I can't do that, do I even deserve to be on the pitch?
Why is his face scrunched up? He needs to relax.
He turned over to stretch over his other side, stopping when the cut skin on his hip suddenly tugged uncomfortably. He should figure out a way to stretch without the need of his right hip. Sure.
My heart’s beating too fast. I’m not stressed or in pain, so why? Am I expecting or waiting for something to happen?..
He stopped moving for a while, focusing simply on his breathing. That should help him calm down.
Trash of a little brother who lives in his shadow. I’m nothing but a nuisance. I asked for it. A pain in the neck little brother.
Drop.
Huh? He was inside, it couldn’t be a drop of rain. Was his nose bleeding? No, it felt fine. Sweat? This wasn’t a heavy activity. Was his roof leaking?...
Rin touched his cheek, swiping away the wet feeling. Another tear came.
Stop crying. Am I seriously this weak and sensitive?
He pressed his palms against his eyes, intending to stop the flow of tears that suddenly came. He leaned over, intending to hide his probably pathetic face. There was no one in this room anyway, who was he hiding from?
He bit down on his tongue, trying to bite back the sobs that were threatening to escape. If Sae heard him, he’d die of embarrassment.
If he needed to cry so badly, whatever. He hadn’t done it in a while, so the need to do so probably festered over the time.
Gosh, he felt awful. His throat stung with the need for air, but he knew if he allowed himself to breathe, he’d make a sound. He couldn’t breathe through his nose either, it was all stuffy because he was crying. His face hurt because he was probably making such a pathetic expression.
He inhaled deeply, intending to force his body to calm down. It didn’t work. Why did he ever trust himself?
“Fuck..” was all he could murmur through the sobs. He bit down on his hand instead, leaning back against the edge of his bed while trying his best to be quiet. This was embarrassing enough as it is.
——☆——
Rin lay on his bed, his head feeling a bit lighter after his small breakdown. This was just a necessary part of routine. If he never let it out, he’d probably break down at the smallest things in front of others.
He felt numb. The feeling was nice for a while, allowing him to rest, but now it just bothered him. He wanted to feel something.