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Months have passed since “The Incident” as they called it. Whilst all of the other students in school believed Eliza and Severus had explored into the forbidden forest for rare potion ingredients, few knew the truth. It was only natural that Eliza and Severus had become closer. It was like an inside joke, except it was a traumatic experience that has given Eliza scars that will likely never heal.
“It’s not that bad is it?” Eliza stood in front of a mirror, wearing only a sports bra.
“No no it's fine I think” Lily says, sitting on a bed.
It had been a couple of days since Eliza was able to leave the medical wing, returning to her friends and classes. It was nice to talk to her classmates, to start studying and doing homework. Things were going back to normal again. Even if she couldn't help but feel Remus’ eyes on her often. His face was full of guilt. She supposed it was a bit of payback for all the times she ogled him.
“I just. If I ever y’know. Am with someone…" She looks into the mirror.
The four scratch marks on her upper back had scarred over into a dark pink.
“If you’re with anyone worth their salt, it won’t bother them.”
Eliza smiled, and imagined a future of her as an adult, in a gorgeous backless blue dress. A person on her arm, cherishing her.
— A Year Later —
There was a definitive distance growing between Lily and Severus. It was obvious to everyone, but especially Elizabeth as their group hangouts became more focussed on her, and then when they would always make excuses so as to only hangout with her one on one. Lily was interested in James, and Severus was interested in dark magic and dark company.
Eliza had urged Severus to make peace with James. Afterall he had shown he was willing to set their differences aside when it came down to it. But James saving them that day only made Severus feel worse, he was indebted to him, and was forced to keep the whole thing under wraps.
The war was only escalating day by day and there was a growing distance between slytherin and the rest of the houses. Eliza paid no attention to the rumors that Slytherin sided with Voldemort, Just because Salzathar was a purist prick, didn’t mean the whole house was the same. But… she had to admit that the people Severus had been hanging out with lately, were at the very least Associated with death eaters.
“Lily… Have you seen Severus? I know the two of you arent… speaking anymore. But im really worried about him”
Lily didn't even spare her a glance, continuing to read her book as if Eliza wasn’t there.
“He was supposed to meet with me awhile ago and I haven’t seen him all day.”
“Maybe you should ask those pure bloods he's always with.” Her voice filled with venom
Eliza wanted to say it wasn’t like that, that they're just slytherins, they're interested in dark magic sure but perhaps the constraints of what was “acceptable” magic was too strict. But there was a bit of her that knew, deep down, that Lily was right to judge.
“I- Im sorry lily I know it seems like I’m taking his side-”
“Seems like? He called me- he called me… that word and you forgave him. I thought… I thought you’d understand.” Her words which burned at the start became cool. She then almost whispered “I thought you were my friend.”
“I am. I have been since we were kids. But he's my friend too and I can’t abandon him.”
While Eliza had a lovely home, a caring and affectionate mother, a funny and dependable father, Severus had nothing of the sort. His mother was caring, but his father ruined the whole household. He hadn’t told her much, tried to hide it as much as possible, but she could tell. She noticed his flinching, the marks on his body which he tried to cover up. It didn't need to be spoken about, or at least she just didn't want to pressure him to tell her…
Lily seemed to consider this, her eyes had a pained look. She wanted to hate him, wanted to write him off, to never speak to him again. But she also cared about him, and though she couldn’t possibly admit it now, desperately wanted him to be her friend again, for things to be back the way they were.
“I know that it's hard for you, maybe impossible for now. But he's not lost, not yet. I’m trying to keep him that way.”
Lily sighed “When he's ready to apologize… I'll hear him out. You can tell him that, when you find him.”
“Thank you” Eliza smiled.
Perhaps they could all be friends again, and they'd work things out.
—
“Oh merlin, what on earth am I doing?”
Here he was, in the second floor girl bathroom. He looked in the mirror, staring at the reflection. It wasn't his own, it wasn't his greasy black hair or his hooked nose. This reflection lacked those inelegant features. Instead the vision he saw was that of Lily, her gorgeous red hair, and her emerald eyes. It was easy to acquire a bit of her hair, and he had no problem brewing the potion. But now that he had done it, he felt rotten.
Severus had thought about this for a long time, contemplating what it would be like, to be a different person. To be someone else, someone free of his burdens. But rather than escaping it, it seems like all of it is just rushing at him at once. Shame, guilt.
“This is wrong right?”
But there is no one there to answer, not even the supposed ghost which haunts this bathroom.
That is, until there is a knock on the door. He whipped his head around, feeling the red hair move.
“Severus? Are you in there? Narcissa saw you come in here.” a familiar voice called from the door.
Oh crap, he was supposed to meet Eliza in the library. What should he do? Answer? Pretend to be lily? (Like that would work) Hide?
Before he could do any of these things, Eliza opened the door.
“Oh. Uh hi lily, wasn't expecting you here.” Eliza’s usually perfectly braided hair is all out of sorts, like she'd been running for an extended amount of time. Her blue Hogwarts uniform was also particularly frazzled, probably from herbology class.
He thought about lying to her, he was a good liar. But he couldn't, not to Eliza. She knew both him and Lily far too well for him to be able to trick her.
“I'm. Not lily” He gripped the fabric of his uniform, his head down not wanting to look into Eliza's eyes.
“Huh?” She steps closer, as if trying to get a better view. “Wait, Sev? Is this polyjuice potion?”
He merely nodded.
Eliza stares for a moment, she had never seen someone using the potion before so it was fascinating just how dead on it is. She'd known Lily since they were 9 or so, she'd say she's one of Lily's closest friends.
But now that she knows, she recognizes that he looks like a fragile vase ready to shatter into pieces at any moment.
“Are you… okay?”
Was he? A good answer didn’t come to mind. And a tear ran down his cheek.
“We could sit until it wears off?” Eliza tilted her head a bit and shrugged with a nervous smile.
He nodded wordlessly and they sat down against the wall for a long moment in silence. Severus fiddled with the skirt, he had figured if he was going to disguise as Lily he’d go all the way. It was his first time ever wearing one. It was an uncomfortable length to be sitting on the ground with it.
Meanwhile Eliza sat there, nervously glancing at her friend. She wasn’t quite sure what to say, if she should say anything at all. But she’d never been one for awkward silence, so she broke the tension.
“I have to ask. Why?”
Severus grimaced, looking at the floor “I don't fully know…”
The words died in the air, and they were left in silence again until he suddenly asked, “Would you… have you ever wanted to be someone different? Someone, anyone but yourself.”
“I suppose… I’ve dreamed about being rich or royalty, like a princess. I’ve also well… thought about what it would be like if I was in slytherin house… with you.” she smiled at the thought.
“I mean if you ever wanted to be a boy?”
Elizabeth considered it for a moment, imagining a boy version of herself. One with short cropped hair, wearing pants rather than her skirt. The image didn’t summon very much emotion from her.
“No, not really. I mean, maybe I consider being a boy when I’m having my period. But that’s more so just… wishing the pain was gone.”
The pain, there were a lot of sources of pain for him.
“I think I’ve thought about…” the words died in his throat. “Mostly just thought about how… terrible everything is.” He's holding himself tighter, fingernails digging into his arms.
He thought back to that day, his worst memory.
“It doesn’t have to be. I think.” She looks into his eyes, Lily’s green eyes. It’s odd to see his sad look in Lily’s bright eyes. “Maybe you have thought about being a girl. I mean you could have picked anyone to polyjuice into, but you picked Lily…”
It’s true. He could have easily taken on James’ form, or any other boy’s form in the whole school. And yet, he chose Lily, a girl. There was something subconscious to this choice…
“I’ve always… admired her. Who doesn’t? Even when we all first met, when she had no idea about the magical world, she was brighter than anyone else.”
Elizabeth thought back to that day, in the patch of nature in their neighborhood. Lily and Severus were already friends when she joined in. But even then, as little kids, she could tell what that look he had in his eyes was. It was the same look of her parents. So it only stung more, when she began to look at him in that way.
But what if there was more than that love, that care. Something like envy, but not such a slimy feeling. A desire to be them…
“You… could be a girl.”
“What?” He stared at her blinking.
“If you want to, you can. We’re magical right? Who says that a wizard can’t be a witch?” A feeling of conviction flooded her and she stood up. “We can do alchemy, make things of nothing. I think- I think if you want to be a girl then… maybe you just can. Maybe you are.”
Severus swallows hard, at first he disregarded that thought, the gut instinct taught to him. But looking into Eliza’s eyes, she had a look of determination which made him believe in her. Could he? Is he?
“I think… I want to.” Severus stood up and took Eliza’s hand.
Eliza flushes and swallows, she had never truly considered it, but perhaps when it came to wanting… She was not bothered by the label. And standing here, holding hands, being so close to her best friend dressing as her other best friend. Well it was a confusing moment to be bisexual.
“Sev I hope you know that I'm not just doing this because you look like Lily right now…”
This threw Severus for a loop, but before she could really think, Eliza held her cheek and closed her eyes. Severus’ eyes widened in surprise, but despite herself, closed her eyes and leaned in.
Their lips met, and there was a spark to it. It was gentle, both unsure, both with emotions not yet sorted out. But it was nice, and most of all kind.
As they kissed, the polyjuice potion began to wear off. Severus’ hair turned back to greasy black, her hooked nose pressed against Eliza's, she grew slightly taller.
They separated, and their eyes opened. Eliza smiled to see Severus back as herself.