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Discord Direct Messages: DreadPirateDrake and SpoilerAlert
(User DreadPirateDrake uses an icon of Kate Beaton's Nemesis. User SpoilerAlert uses an icon of a bug-eyed chihuahua puppy.)
DreadPirateDrake (6:56 PM): uuuuugh
SpoilerAlert (6:56 PM): everything okay?
DreadPirateDrake (6:57 PM): we're at this stupid party thing and dad keeps trying to tell everyone about his new boat
SpoilerAlert (6:58 PM): oh no
DreadPirateDrake (6:58 PM): yeah like he thinks he's being subtle but it's like (All-Caps) my new boat (End Caps) and no one cares
DreadPirateDrake (6:58 PM): mom's had like three glasses of wine already
SpoilerAlert (6:59 PM): you can do it! just a couple hours right?
DreadPirateDrake (6:59 PM): and i have cramps
SpoilerAlert (6:59 PM): oh no :c
DreadPirateDrake (7:00 PM): they let me wear a suit at least so it's not all bad
DreadPirateDrake (7:00 PM): sorry i know this is so first world problems
DreadPirateDrake (7:01 PM): wah i'm at bruce wayne's house eating free lobster wah
SpoilerAlert (7:01 PM): don't be sorry!
SpoilerAlert (7:01 PM): you don't have to be grateful that they let you wear pants
SpoilerAlert (7:02 PM): this isn't the fifties, anyone can wear pants
DreadPirateDrake (7:05 PM): the public wifi is garbage bc everyone's trying to post videos
DreadPirateDrake (7:05 PM): i think there's a private network but it's not broadcasting the ssid
DreadPirateDrake (7:06 PM): i'm gonna solve the mystery of where they're hiding the good wifi
SpoilerAlert (7:07 PM): maybe you can just ask?
DreadPirateDrake (7:07 PM): that's not how mysteries work
SpoilerAlert (7:08 PM): hahaha okay
DreadPirateDrake (7:52 PM): oh my flippin gosh i'm the worst i can't believe this
SpoilerAlert (7:53 PM): what happened? are you okay?
DreadPirateDrake (7:53 PM): i was trying to hide out in like a random hallway???
DreadPirateDrake (7:53 PM): idk it seemed like a good idea at the time
DreadPirateDrake (7:54 PM): i was on my phone hunting for wifi and being sad (All-Caps) Like Ya Do
DreadPirateDrake (7:55 PM): when suddenly (All-Caps) Bruce Wayne
DreadPirateDrake (7:55 PM): he said he didn't remember my name and i said it was tim and i think he was trying to figure out my pronouns
SpoilerAlert (7:56 PM): oh gosh, really?
DreadPirateDrake (7:57 PM): yeah but like i didn't know that so i thought he was being mean so i was like (All-Caps) I'm a boy! stressed emoji
DreadPirateDrake (7:58 PM): and i said i wanted to be alone bc i had a stomachache but i think i put my hand on the wrong spot or something idk idk it seemed like it was really obvious
SpoilerAlert (7:58 PM): i'm sure it wasn't!
SpoilerAlert (7:58 PM): you worry too much, most people don't notice that kind of thing
DreadPirateDrake (7:59 PM): but (All-Caps) he did!
DreadPirateDrake (8:00 PM): he came back and he had this tea and it's like a chamomile ginger lemon honey thing and a fancy chocolate bar
SpoilerAlert (8:00 PM): that's so nice!
DreadPirateDrake (8:01 PM): (All-Caps) Steph you don't understand
DreadPirateDrake (8:01 PM): (All-Caps) when he gave me the chocolate he tried to tell me it was manly chocolate because it had a tiger on it!
SpoilerAlert (8:02 PM): oh no
DreadPirateDrake (8:02 PM): (All-Caps) it's the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to me in my whole life and i started crying
SpoilerAlert (8:02 PM): oh no!!
DreadPirateDrake (8:04 PM): he was like "sorry" and i was like (All-Caps) "no it's fine i'm just crying because you're nice and i'm thirteen and i've already lost control of my life i'm a prodigy" and he was like "sorry"
DreadPirateDrake (8:05 PM): he was like so obviously uncomfortable and wanted to leave (All-Caps) but then he tried to like, pat my shoulder or something??? like a tv fifties dad?????? and i hugged him?????????
DreadPirateDrake (8:05 PM): i got snot on bruce wayne's suit why am i like this
SpoilerAlert (8:05 PM): he sounds really nice! i'm sure he understands
DreadPirateDrake (8:06 PM): he finally escaped and now i'm eating all his chocolate
DreadPirateDrake (8:07 PM): tigers aren't even a manly animal
DreadPirateDrake (8:08 PM): oh and i asked about the wifi
SpoilerAlert (8:08 PM): what did he say?
DreadPirateDrake (8:09 PM): he didn't know what i was talking about
DreadPirateDrake (8:09 PM): i checked though and there's no way it's a hotspot
DreadPirateDrake (8:09 PM): there's definitely a big stronk router somewhere
SpoilerAlert (8:10 PM): doesn't he have a son?
DreadPirateDrake (8:10 PM): yeah but he just moved
DreadPirateDrake (8:10 PM): why would he leave a secret router
DreadPirateDrake (8:11 PM): bitmining? that's embarassing enough to hide
SpoilerAlert (8:11 PM): hahahahahaha
DreadPirateDrake (8:12 PM): i'm hunting down this secret bitmining rig
DreadPirateDrake (8:25 PM): (All-Caps) IMG OINTMENT CCRY AHGIN
DreadPirateDrake (8:25 PM): that was supposed to say going to cry again i don't know what happened sorry
SpoilerAlert (8:26 PM): did you get in trouble for snooping?
DreadPirateDrake (8:27 PM): how dare you i've never been caught snooping in my life
DreadPirateDrake (8:27 PM): master snooper
DreadPirateDrake (8:27 PM): SnoopMaster
SpoilerAlert (8:28 PM): so what happened?
DreadPirateDrake (8:29 PM): heard dad asking if anyone had seen his daughter
SpoilerAlert (8:30 PM): i'm sorry tim :c
DreadPirateDrake (8:31 PM): no but then i heard bruce wayne like (All-Caps) i have no idea who you mean good sir but if you want i can find your son who i have met and who is a nice young boy man who eats manly tiger chocolate like a he-man
SpoilerAlert (8:31 PM): did he really?
DreadPirateDrake (8:32 PM): i'm paraphrasing
SpoilerAlert (8:33 PM): i think bruce wayne might be a cinnamon roll
DreadPirateDrake (8:34 PM): too good, too pure (A meme image from a survey with the option "I will protect it" and the "Strongly Agree" selected.)
DreadPirateDrake (8:35 PM): i will save him from bitcoin devilry
SpoilerAlert (8:35 PM): maybe it's secretly bruce wayne's bitmining rig and he didn't want to admit it to you
DreadPirateDrake (8:36 PM): that man's never worn a fedora in his whole life how dare u
DreadPirateDrake (8:44 PM): i've been through this whole house but it's strongest on the first floor which isn't near anything
SpoilerAlert (8:45 PM): is there a wine cellar?
DreadPirateDrake (8:46 PM): this def a wine cellar type of house
DreadPirateDrake (9:07 PM): uuuh
DreadPirateDrake (9:07 PM): uuuuuuuuuuh
DreadPirateDrake (9:07 PM): (All-Caps) UUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM
SpoilerAlert (9:08 PM): uh oh, that doesn't seem good
DreadPirateDrake (9:13 PM): i might have hecked up
DreadPirateDrake (9:13 PM): (All-Caps) like bad
SpoilerAlert (9:14 PM): what is it?
DreadPirateDrake (9:15 PM): okay wait i need to figure some stuff out i think bc i don't want you to get in trouble
SpoilerAlert (9:15 PM): why would i be in trouble?
DreadPirateDrake (9:23 PM): false alarm
SpoilerAlert (9:23 PM): don't scare me like that!!!
SpoilerAlert (9:24 PM): what was it?
DreadPirateDrake (9:25 PM): it wasn't a router it was just some weird interference i guess
DreadPirateDrake (9:26 PM): nbd
SpoilerAlert (9:26 PM): really?
SpoilerAlert (9:27 PM): or are you just saying that because you found bruce wayne's secret bitmining rig?
DreadPirateDrake (9:29 PM): i will take his cinnamon roll secrets to my grave
SpoilerAlert (9:29 PM): hahahaha (A meme image from X-Files of the UFO "I Want To Believe poster)
