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Jack had known something was wrong since noon.
Not the emergency room kind of wrong. Not the bleeding out, coding, alarms screaming-kind of wrong.
The quiet kind.
The kind that lived in Robby’s posture, the way he leaned too heavily against counters, like gravity had gained ten extra pounds overnight. The way he laughed a little too easily, like he was performing a version of himself instead of inhabiting one. The way his eyes lingered on people just a beat longer than usual, as if memorizing them. Cataloguing.
Jack hated that word in his own head.
He tried to ignore it and keep working, but his eyes kept drifting. He couldn’t help but keep watching.
Robby drifted in and out of his orbit all afternoon. Brushing past him in narrow hallways when there was space to spare, leaning closer than necessary while reviewing charts, letting their hands bump when they reached for the same pen.
That part wasn’t new. The tension between them had existed longer than some of their residents had been alive. But there was a new undercurrent in it, a tension that was more palpable than it had ever been. It felt intentional. Robby was testing. Offering. Waiting.
Jack pretended not to notice for almost five hours. He pretended to pay no mind to the faint tremor in Robby’s fingers when they touched his. He pretended to ignore the way his smile softened when Jack looked directly at him.
He tried to not hyperfocus on the way Robby kept finding reasons to stand close enough that Jack could feel the heat of him.
Somehow, all of it made Jack feel an uncomfortable tickle of not knowing itch at the back of his neck. Like his body knew something, somehow, was ending tonight, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what.
Things started to gain momentum near the end of shift change, in that strange pocket of time when chaos loosened its grip just enough for exhaustion to settle in. Robby leaned against the counter beside Jack, shoulder brushing shoulder and neither of them moving away.
“You busy tonight?” Robby asked lightly, eyes on the board instead of Jack.
Too light. Too casual. Too deliberate.
Jack didn’t look at him immediately. He finished signing off a chart and set the pen down carefully. Let silence stretch just long enough to make the question real. Then, calm and simple:
“I’m available.”
Robby went very still. Jack turned then, just slightly, and met his gaze.
Something flickered across Robby’s face. Surprise, relief, fear, something almost like grief, before he covered it with a crooked half smile.
“…Good,” he said quietly.
*****
Opening the door to his apartment with Robby hovering behind him held a different weight than it had before. Jack mulled the thought over in his head while he turned the key in the lock. A rush of pleasantly cool air drifted to meet them from the apartment, a welcome reprieve from the stifling heat outside.
Tonight, when they stepped inside, there was a new kind of tension that seemed to tenfold as soon as they were past the door. Robby followed without hesitation, like he’d been there a thousand times. Which he had. It was nothing unusual.
But it had never felt like this. Usually, they’d move in familiar tandem, kicking off shoes with no further thought, settling for an easy night of beers and unwinding through long conversations about anything and everything. Usually, there was no lingering in the hallway, because the apartment was home for both of them even though only one name was on the lease.
But now, Robby hovered. Even after dropping his bag on the floor and pushing his shoes next to the wall, he stood still. Waiting for something.
The space between them felt charged, but not frantic. Not reckless. Instead it was heavy, intentional.
Robby stepped closer first. Close enough that Jack could see how exhausted he really was beneath the bravado. Shadows under his eyes. Mouth set too tight.
Jack didn’t see hunger. He saw desperation disguised as something akin to boldness. He reached up slowly, resting one hand against the back of Robby’s neck. Warm. Solid. Familiar.
“Hey,” he murmured.
And that was all it took.
A warm wave of exhilaration spread inside Jack once their lips touched. They skipped right over the awkward, chaste kisses, going directly for the desperate and hungry kind. Robby tasted exactly like Jack had imagined, and he kissed exactly like Jack had imagined, too. Their bodies pressed together, Robby’s arms weaving around Jack’s waist and pulling him close.
Jack let his tongue trace against Robby’s lower lip, the other man’s mouth easily yielding and allowing access. Jack swallowed the quiet moan that mixed into the kiss, the feeling of it against his mouth egging him on.
Eventually the kiss broke, their faces still inches apart, their breaths mingling. Jack’s heart thrummed against his ribs and he slowly moved his hands to cradle Robby’s face, stroking his thumbs gently against Robby’s cheekbones. Jack could feel the change the affectionate touch caused in Robby’s body; like he tried to shrink away from it. Something ached deep inside Jack’s chest at the look that crossed the other man’s face before it was carefully hidden away again.
“Wanna take this somewhere a bit more comfortable?” Jack whispered against Robby’s lips when he leaned in for another kiss. He received an affirmative grunt in lieu of an answer, Robby’s hands twisting in the back of his shirt.
By the time they made it to the bedroom, the kisses were all tongue and heavy breaths. Clothes were shed easily in hasty movements, skin greedy to touch skin.
Jack pushed Robby backwards towards the bed until the backs of his knees hit the edge of it. He sat down on the edge with one gentle nudge from Jack’s hands, brown eyes looking up at Jack with something he couldn’t quite decipher. Jack didn’t climb onto the bed right away. He stayed standing between Robby’s knees for a moment longer, breathing a little heavier now, gaze flicking down briefly. He reached down, fingers moving to the familiar clasps at his thigh.
The shift in his balance was subtle but noticeable. One careful motion, then another. The soft mechanical release sounded loud in the charged quiet of the room. The corner of Jack’s lips tugged with a smile when Robby’s hands came up automatically, lightly holding Jack’s hips as if to make sure he didn’t tilt over. Somehow, in that small motion, Jack caught such a deep view of the other man that it made affection burn something vicious in his chest.
He eased the prosthetic free with practiced care, steadying himself with one hand braced on Robby’s bare shoulder. For a brief second, he simply held it, before leaning to set it gently beside the bed, within easy reach but out of the way. He leaned forward, his hand slipping from Robby’s shoulder to the mattress next to his hip. Robby went easily when Jack crowded back into his space and backed him up further on the bed, their bodies an uncoordinated and unbalanced mix of limbs until Jack managed to slot himself between Robby's spread legs. Robby still stared at him, eyes glassy and dark, lips kiss-swollen and he was the most gorgeous thing Jack had ever had the privilege to lay his eyes on.
“How do you -?” Robby’s voice was low and full of the rasp that sent shivers down Jack’s spine.
“Let me take care of you” Jack pressed another soft kiss on the other man’s lips before moving south, the need to taste every bit of skin burning in his mind as he kissed his way across Robby’s body. The attention made Robby squirm, his hands twitching against the sheets like he suddenly didn’t know what to do with them.
“You can touch me” He thought that it had been obvious, but clearly the voiced permission was needed, because the reaction was immediate. Robby’s hands went straight to Jack’s hair, trembling slightly when they petted through the curls. Arousal tickled in the pit of Jack’s stomach when he thought of how easily he was undoing Robby. He found a spot right next to Robby’s navel that made the other man shiver and let out a quiet keen, and he kissed it a few more times for good measure.
Time turned abstract, measured in gentle touches and whispered praise instead of minutes ticking by. Jack wasn’t sure how long he was allowed to worship and prep Robby’s body until he started getting antsy again, shifting under Jack’s touch with urgency.
“Come on -” Robby swallowed around his tongue, clearly aware of the whiny tone in his own voice. Jack looked up at him, resting his chin where Robby’s thigh met his hip, dangerously close to where his cock was laying hard and heavy on his stomach.
“I’m fine, just get o- fuck” Robby’s attempt at rushing him was cut short when Jack crooked his fingers inside him, rubbing against his prostate.
“You were saying..?” Jack was hell bent on not giving Robby the impersonal, meaningless fuck he was clearly looking for. A whole ocean of emotions stormed on within him but they were quickly being taken over by need and lust.
“Don’t be a fucking tease” Robby’s voice lacked authority, it was more of a plea and with that, Jack could work with. He kissed his way back up, still slow with his pace. Robby grabbed at him with impatient hands, whining at the empty feeling Jack’s fingers left. Jack slotted himself more comfortably between Robby’s legs, lining himself up and pushing forward with a gentle nudge of his hips.
He tried to kiss Robby again, rocking his hips in minute movements, his lips landing slightly to the side when the other man angled his face away.
“Hey,” Robby’s eyes fluttered, stubbornly looking somewhere past Jack. Jack frowned, stilling his movements. “Look at me.” He wasn’t sure if it was the soft demand of his voice or the fact that he wasn’t moving anymore, but Robby obliged.
“Don’t hide from me,” This time, the kiss landed where Jack intended, and Robby’s lips parted in an easy invitation to deepen it. Robby sighed into his mouth when Jack moved his hips again, his cock sliding in easily.
He set a slow pace, rolling his hips in long, languid motions to make sure that Robby felt every inch of him. There were a few disconnected attempts on Robby’s side to egg him on, to pick up the pace by lifting his hips to meet Jack’s but it was easy enough for him to pin Robby into the mattress with a firm hand on his hips.
“You feel so good” Jack murmured quiet praises against Robby’s mouth and his cock throbbed when he ground his hips against Robby’s ass, pulling a whine from the other man.
“Fuck, Jack..” Robby’s voice was rough and full of gravel, and he tried to angle his face again when Jack’s thrusts dragged another moan out of him.
“Hey, what did I say?” Jack chastised, pulling almost all the way out, his hand on Robby’s jaw to urge him to meet his eyes. And again, Robby did. A gradual warmth spread under Jack’s skin, heat building where patience had been. The awareness of Robby responding, opening, staying instead of retreating. It stirred something deeper than restraint could quite contain.
“I wanna see your face when you come on my cock” He didn’t give Robby a chance to argue further, pushing back in while claiming the other man’s mouth in a deep kiss. Robby returned it, sloppy and uncoordinated, small and desperate moans slipping between his lips with every thrust of Jack’s hips. Jack felt his blunt nails scratching at his back, looking for purchase. When Robby turned his head to the side once more, now overwhelmed by the feeling, Jack went for his neck, lips and teeth equally gracing the hot skin under Robby’s ear.
He heard his name whimpered in a breathy voice that went straight to his groin, the rubberband of pleasure tightening as he fucked into Robby, deeper, harder.
“Fuck- I’m gonna -” Robbys other hand tangled into Jack’s hair, pulling on the short curls as his body squeezed around Jack.
“That’s it,” Jack kissed the words under Robby’s jaw “Come for me”. The directly voiced permission seemed to lodge itself right where it needed to, Robby’s whole body arching against Jack’s, pleasure rolling through him in waves that left him gasping for breath.
Robby’s thighs tightened around Jack’s waist, his hands in Jack’s hair pulling just enough to sting. Jack finally let himself go, moving his hips in a blind chase for his own pleasure now that Robby was a barely coherent mess.
“Jack… Jack -” He hushed Robby gently and buried his face between the other man’s neck and shoulder.
“You can take it” Robby’s skin was hot and salty against his lips. “You’re so good”
Robby whimpered at the praise, tugging at Jack’s hair with more intent. Jack took it as the invite it was and moved so he could press an open mouthed kiss on Robby’s lips. Their breaths mingled and when Robby’s mouth opened to allow access for Jack’s tongue, so easy and pliant, it was what drove Jack over the edge of his own orgasm. He buried himself to the hilt, and made Robby swallow the groan from his lips.
They laid in silence for a while, Jack slowly lowering himself to lay on top of Robby’s heaving body while he caught his breath. He rested his forehead against Robby’s, feeling the little shivers easing out of his body little by little.
Eventually, Jack rolled off of Robby’s body, careful with his movements when he noticed that even the smallest one made Robby twitch. He reached for the closest piece of clothing he could reach from next to the bed, and used it as a makeshift towel to wipe most of the evidence of what had just occurred off of their bodies. Robby let him, his eyelids heavy while his body twitched involuntarily with each pass of the soft fabric.
For a moment, everything was easy and soft and simple. But Jack recognized the exact moment Robby started planning for his great escape. That inward folding. That gathering of himself like he was preparing to retreat into armor again.
Jack didn’t move from where he lay propped against the pillows, watching him try to gather himself with open fondness. Robby swung his legs carefully toward the edge of the bed. His muscles trembled still, just enough to betray how thoroughly undone he was.
Jack let him reach for the floor before he said mildly, “I require post-sex cuddling. It’s non-negotiable.”
Robby froze mid-motion, and slowly turned his head.
“You… what?”
Jack shifted slightly, extending one arm across the mattress in invitation.
“Doctor’s orders,” he said. “Very serious recovery protocol.”
For three seconds, Robby looked like he might argue.
Then his shoulders sagged. Not in defeat, but something softer. Something Jack recognized as something almost like relief.
“…You’re ridiculous.”
“I’ve been called worse.”
After a long pause Robby exhaled, heavy and shaky, and folded back down beside him. Jack wrapped an arm around him immediately, drawing him close. He let Robby settle against his chest, heavy and warm and utterly spent.
It took less than two minutes for his breathing to even out.
Jack prepared mentally for a long night of no sleep. He moved his hand back and forth against the bare skin of Robby’s back, staring into the darkness of the room.
Robby slept like someone who had outrun something terrible and finally collapsed. Deep, utterly unconscious. Completely unguarded.
Jack had seen him sleep before. On call room couches, in chairs between shifts, once slumped against a supply cabinet at three in the morning.
But never like this. Never peaceful, always restless with the horrors that seemed unwilling to release their claws from him.
The hard lines were gone from his face. The constant tension in his jaw loosened. His brow smoothed. He looked younger. Softer. Safe, in a way that warmed the yearning part of Jack’s stupid heart.
Jack brushed his fingers slowly through Robby’s hair.
Decades.
God, they’d wasted decades pretending this was something else. He thought about every year they’d circled each other; friendship layered over longing layered over restraint layered over fear. He thought about every time Robby had walked away first. Every time he’d watched him disappear down hallways, into relationships that never lasted, into exhaustion, into silence.
He thought about how hollow Robby had looked lately. He had noticed the shift, like something had finally cracked deep within him, his entire existence slowly seeping into the abyss of the fracture.
And he thought, very clearly, very deliberately,
You are not leaving me.
Not tonight. Not in three months.
Not ever, if Jack had anything to say about it.
He pressed his mouth gently to Robby’s temple, breathing in deeply and letting the familiar scent soak into his bones.
Twelve hours, he told himself. Twelve hours to give him a reason to stay.
****
Jack woke before sunrise out of habit.
For a long moment he didn’t move, happy to just lay there, watching Robby breathe.
Morning light slipped through the curtains, painting soft gold across his skin. He looked unbearably gentle like this. The constant strain still as absent as it had been before Jack had finally closed his eyes. The weight of the world temporarily lifted.
Jack had never allowed himself to simply look before, scared of what it might imply.
He traced the curve of Robby’s shoulder with his eyes. The slow rise and fall of his chest. The occasional flutter of dark lashes against time worn skin. Beautiful, he thought. So gorgeous in a quiet, lived-in, enduring way. Like something that had survived storms for years and was still standing.
Robby stirred eventually, shifting against the warm sheets. Jack watched as his brow tightened, lips pursing with the displeasure of waking from a restful sleep. His awareness came back gradually, like someone surfacing through layers of water.
His eyes opened, bleary and confused at first. The memory of the night before seemed to wash over him, the confusion switching to something softer.
“Morning,” Jack murmured.
Robby swallowed, blinking slowly. He looked at Jack like he couldn’t quite believe he was still there. Jack moved closer, enough for their chests to touch, unwilling to give Robby’s mind time to catch up and start doubting.
“Sleep well?” He whispered the question over Robby’s lips, not minding the morning breath, not when Robby was still so sleep warm and pliable.
Robby hummed, leaning forward just enough for their lips to touch. “Fine. Did you?” Jack avoided the question with a kiss, exhilarated with how easily Robby let him take control. He pushed his leg between Robby’s thighs, grabbing and pulling him by the waist until their bodies were flush together. He let his teeth graze against Robby’s lower lip, nipping and sucking between the happy little moans the other man was breathing out.
Robby rolled his hips forward carefully, like testing the waters while his fingers tangled in the nape of Jack’s hair. Jack gripped his hip to encourage him, his hold tight enough to bruise. It was sloppy and uncoordinated, but their bodies found a rhythm together, slowly rocking together in the warm morning light.
When their kisses were more about sharing air and gasps of pleasure, Jack inched his hand between their bodies, able to wrap it around both their cocks. The precum leaking from both of them made the movement easy, and it only took a few well timed strokes for Robby to let out a fragmented gasp. The warm rush of his come over Jack’s hand, combined with the content little sounds he was making were enough for Jack to tip over the edge, orgasm rolling through him in mellow waves. They stayed close, after, Robby’s head cast downward so Jack could easily press his lips to his hairline.
It would have been so easy to just stay there. Jack mulled the thought over in his head, mourning the loss when Robby started to move away. Jack was in no rush to help the other man untangle their bodies, content to watch the flush of color across Robby’s cheeks and the bashful little tilt on the corner of his mouth. Reluctantly submitting to the fate of the moment melting away from them, Jack leaned to press one more chaste kiss on Robby’s lips, and there was that look again. Soft, content, so unbothered by the storms Jack knew were raging in his head. It lasted but a second, but Jack carefully memorized it anyways.
Leaving the comfort of the bedroom felt like a chore, despite the pleasant afterglow still thrumming in his body. Jack didn’t bother with the prosthetic or a whole lot of clothes, opting for the crutches and a pair of boxers that surely weren’t his. He headed towards the kitchen and left Robby to sort through the rest of the mess that was their clothes.
The clocks on the walls ticked a bit faster, again.
Jack moved through his kitchen on one crutch with easy efficiency. He’d lived alone long enough to know exactly how to balance, pivot, reach.
Somewhere behind him, deeper in the apartment, the shower started. He listened to the sound of water running and felt something loosen in his chest. The normalcy of it. The domestic simplicity. The quiet presence of another person moving through his space without tension or urgency.
He cracked eggs into a pan, listening to the tired hiss and rumble of the coffee machine.
He imagined Robby under the spray, shoulders finally dropping, heat easing aches he pretended not to have. Washing away exhaustion that ran deeper than physical.
Please stay, Jack thought silently.
Footsteps eventually approached, hesitant across the wooden floor. Robby’s hair was still damp, his cheeks still flushed from what Jack could only assume had been a boiling hot shower. His posture was loose in a very intentional manner, and his dark eyes were guarded when they flitted between Jack, the nearly finished breakfast and the hallway towards the door.
“I should probably get going -”
“No,” Jack said gently, waving his hand towards the table. “Sit.”
Robby hesitated for a moment, his eyes still tracking the route towards the door. Jack found himself holding a breath he could only release once Robby sat down.
Progress.
Jack carried the plates over one by one, setting the first one in front of Robby who stared at the food like he wasn’t sure what to do with kindness that came without expectation.
Jack could see the turmoil, the growing disbelief. The quiet panic of someone waiting for the moment this turned awkward, complicated, regrettable.
It wasn’t going to. Jack had never regretted anything less in his life.
Breakfast was a quiet affair, something that gave Jack time to watch, observe. Robby mostly pushed the food around his plate, his gaze skittering towards the hallway every now and then. It seemed almost unconscious, something he caught himself doing, something that made him frown at the scrambled eggs cooling on his plate.
Jack didn’t comment on it, but he carefully noted it down in his head. Along with the slight tremor of Robby’s hands, the way he kept shifting in his seat and decidedly avoiding Jack’s eyes. At some point Robby gave up on the pretense of eating, setting his fork down with a soft clink that echoed in the otherwise quiet kitchen. The comfort and domesticity of the early hour was melting away, making room for the nervous energy oozing off of Robby. Jack bit the inside of his cheek, deliberating how to acknowledge any of it. He could feel time ticking away from them, carefully waiting for the other man to make a move for the door or open his mouth.
Robby did neither. He moved his hands to his lap, picking at his cuticles as a nervous tick.
“Something wrong with the eggs?” The innocent question made Robby’s eyes flick up, meeting Jack’s for only a second before he looked away again, shaking his head. Jack noted the shiny red rimming them, his chest aching to offer comfort. He pushed his own plate away instead, tilted his head a bit in a physical offering to listen. Robby’s breath hitched, small and barely noticeable. He glanced towards the door again, a muscle twitching in his jaw.
“It’s okay if you don’t -”
“I don’t want to go” The admission was quiet, small and brimming with something that made the worry that had been simmering under Jack’s skin settle like an anvil in the pit of his stomach.
“What?”
“I don’t want to go” Robby’s voice cracked, his eyes now shiny where they stared at the table. His breathing was picking up, and it was the small tremble of his lower lip that made Jack get up from his chair. Carefully, balancing, closing the distance between them.
Robby looked up, wary. Jack’s heart seized at the haunted look in them, the understanding stabbing shards of ice through it.
Robby was scared.
“You don’t have to” Jack placed both hands gently against his cheeks. “It’s okay.”
Robby looked up at him with tear filled eyes, completely exposed in a way Jack had rarely seen. Terrified, for reasons Jack was scared of even thinking about.
“I shouldn’t be here,” Robby whispered.
Jack’s thumbs brushed lightly along the damp warmth under Robby’s eyes before the tears could fall. “You’re allowed to be here.”
“That’s not -” Robby sucked in a breath that shuddered in his chest. “That’s not what I meant.” His gaze dropped again, shoulders folding inward like he was trying to physically make himself smaller under the weight of whatever was sitting in his chest. Jack could feel the tension vibrating through him.
“I thought,” Robby started, then stopped. His throat worked as he visibly rearranged the words he was about to say. “I thought that I could just leave.” Jack bit his tongue, waiting for him to continue.
“I could just leave and maybe you wouldn’t care, anymore.” The words landed like a glass lands on a hard surface, shards ripping into every soft surface nearby. It was confirmation for what Jack had already known, but it hurt no less. He couldn’t even begin to think of an answer that would encompass everything that was wrong with Robby’s statement. He knew words would never be enough for that. But there was something, nagging in the back of his mind, now. Something he didn’t want a confirmation for, but needed it none the less.
“You weren’t planning on coming back, were you?” Jack’s words pulled a broken sound from Robby’s chest, a sob that held years of weight, sorrow and exhaustion.
“I didn’t know what else to do, anymore” The tears finally fell, one after the other now that the floodgates were open. “I still don’t” Robby shrugged, looking so lost and defeated that Jack couldn’t bear it. He pulled the other man forward, the smallest movement enough encouragement to make Robby bury his face against his chest.
“I don’t want to go, Jack. I don’t - Please -“ Jack hushed him quietly, holding on to him with the same desperation he could feel in Robby’s hands where they gripped his shirt.
“You don’t need to. You’re going to stay right here, with me.” Robby sobbed against his chest, his whole body trembling with it and Jack prayed to a God he had long since lost faith in. “It’s okay.”
He had never heard Robby cry the way he did, then. It wasn’t the quiet, apologetic kind that could be hidden away. It was loud and heart wrenching and Jack knew that he would never be able to forget it.
For a moment he just held on.
Robby’s weight leaned fully into him, fingers twisted tight in the front of Jack’s shirt like it was the only thing keeping him upright. The sobs came in waves, shaking through his entire frame. Jack could feel them against his ribs, against his collarbone where Robby had buried his face.
The sound of it filled the small kitchen.
Outside, somewhere far below the apartment windows, a car passed. Someone shouted something down the street. The world kept moving with quiet indifference while everything inside Jack’s chest felt like it had tilted violently off its axis.He tightened his arms around Robby. Instinct, more than thought.
Robby felt frighteningly fragile like this, all the sharp edges of his usual control stripped away. Jack could feel the tremor in his shoulders, the uneven drag of each breath, the damp warmth soaking slowly into the cotton of his shirt.
This was the man who ran trauma codes with ice in his veins. The man who held dying strangers together with steady hands. And right now he was shaking apart in Jack’s kitchen.
Jack rested his cheek against the top of Robby’s still-damp hair and closed his eyes for a second.
He should have seen it sooner. The exhaustion. The hollow look that had started living behind Robby’s eyes. The way he’d been drifting lately, just slightly out of reach no matter how many times Jack tried to pull him back into a conversation or a drink or a stupid movie night.
Of course he had noticed it. He just hadn’t let himself follow the thought all the way to where it apparently had been leading.
“Hey,” he murmured quietly, one hand moving up to cradle the back of Robby’s head. “Easy.”
The words didn’t stop the crying, but Robby’s fingers curled tighter in his shirt like he’d heard them.
Time stretched strangely after that. Jack didn’t rush him. Didn’t try to interrupt the storm tearing through him. He just stood there, shifting his weight carefully on the crutch when his balance needed it, one arm anchored around Robby’s back while the other moved slowly over his shoulders in a steady rhythm.
Grounding. The same kind of touch he’d seen nurses use with panicking patients. Except this time it felt less clinical and more like holding together something precious that was actively cracking in his hands.
Eventually the sobs started to lose their sharp edges. They softened into quiet, shaky breaths against his chest.
Robby didn’t pull away, though. If anything he sagged further into him, like whatever strength had been holding him upright was gone now. Jack let out a slow breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.
“Michael,” he said gently.
Robby made a small sound that might have been acknowledgement, and Jack hesitated. There were a thousand things he wanted to say. Questions clawing at the inside of his throat. Fear still sitting cold and heavy in his stomach. But none of that felt like the right place to start.
Instead he slid one hand up to Robby’s jaw and carefully coaxed his face up from where it had been pressed against his chest.
Robby looked wrecked.Eyes red and swollen, cheeks streaked with tears, lashes still wet. He blinked at Jack like he was bracing for something. Disappointment, anger, rejection.
Jack felt his chest ache.
“You really thought disappearing would make this easier for me?” he asked quietly.
Robby’s gaze dropped immediately.
“I don’t know,” he whispered.
Jack studied him for a long second.The exhaustion was all there, now that Robby wasn’t hiding it behind his carefully curated mask. It lived in the deep shadows under his eyes, in the way his shoulders slumped forward like they were carrying something too heavy.
“You think losing you quietly would hurt less?” Jack asked.
Robby didn’t answer, but his silence was answer enough. Jack let his hand settle against the side of Robby’s face again, thumb brushing absentmindedly over the tear damp skin.
“Losing you,” he said softly, “is never going to be something I’m fine with.”
Jack watched the words land, saw the small, instinctive recoil in Robby’s posture, like part of him wanted to argue but didn’t have the energy left.
“You don’t get to decide that for me,” Jack added, voice gentler now. “Okay?”
Robby swallowed hard.
“Okay,” he said hoarsely.
“You’re not doing this by yourself anymore.”
Robby’s eyes dropped to the floor again, but his posture didn’t collapse the way it had before. Instead he leaned forward slightly until his forehead rested against Jack’s shoulder. A quiet, deliberate choice.
“I’m sorry”
Jack wrapped an arm around him again without hesitation.
“You were drowning,” he said. “And you thought the kindest thing you could do was disappear quietly. You don’t have to apologise for that.”
They stayed like that for a while. The kitchen smelled faintly of cooling eggs and coffee. Morning light crept slowly across the floorboards, warm and quiet and stubbornly ordinary.
Nothing was fixed. The exhaustion was still there. The darkness Robby had been drowning in hadn’t magically disappeared.
But he was still here. Still breathing. Still letting someone hold onto him. Jack tightened his arm slightly around his back, trying to not think of the ‘almost’ of it all.
“We’ll figure it out,” he murmured into Robby’s hair, and Robby didn’t argue. After a moment, Jack felt him nod.