Chapter Text
Henry breathed as quietly as he could, listening for any signs that anyone in the house was still awake. Cautiously, he slid his legs out from under his blankets and let his feet reach the floor. As he stood, he prayed that the floor wouldn’t creak underneath him.
The young boy’s heart was racing. Once he felt it was safe to move, he swiftly made his way to his desk where his headphones were plugged into his CD player. Henry’s backpack was on the ground. He dragged the zipper open painfully slowly and reached in, feeling around for the CD that Tyler had given him earlier that day.
The memory played again in Henry’s mind as his fingers found the plastic case.
“Make sure you’ve got headphones on when you listen to this one,” he had told Henry with a wink.
He would have had to, anyway. Last time Tyler gave Henry a mix, his mum wasn’t too happy about it for some reason. Something about Tyler really terrified Henry’s mother. Maybe it was his immense height, or his spiky black hair that looked exactly like that of the members of the Killer Boy Rats (who she hated). Maybe it was the fact that he smoked cigarettes and wore chunky black boots. Maybe it was his eyes. His eyes were black. Not dark brown, purely black.
Henry realized he had been smiling like a lunatic and just staring at the CD.
It was in a clear plastic case, and written on it in black marker were the words “90s mix 4 Henry” along with a smiley face and a doodle of a pair of headphones.
With nervous precision, Henry popped in the CD and double checked that his headphones were plugged in. He hit play and listened to it quietly spin as the laser scanned for a few seconds before the music started.
It opened with the sound of a live crowd cheering and whistling. Once the crowd was quiet, a voice Henry immediately recognized spoke softly into the microphone.
“Good evening. This song is off our first record. Most people don’t know it.”
Henry gasped as Nirvana’s About A Girl played. He covered his mouth, hoping no one else in the house heard. He had no idea Tyler liked Nirvana! Most kids his age had never heard of them. (except for Ralph, who didn’t like them that much anyway). He added “likes good music” to his mental list of reasons why Tyler was better to have as a friend than anyone else he knew, despite how much older he was, and despite being related to Moody Margeret.
The night sky was clear outside of Henry’s window. He could see every star twinkling around the shining moon as the ethereal acoustic guitar echoed in his ears and Kurt Cobain’s voice cut through his soul.
His mind wandered as a couple more melancholy grunge songs played. Songs about self-loathing and inadequacy, feelings that Henry was all too familiar with.
Then, out of nowhere, a piano snapped Henry out of his trance, followed by the sound of a girl sighing and whispering to herself softly.
“May fifth… 1993… Aaliyah’s diary… got it.”
The girl chuckled softly before the instrumental hit and the background singers began their smooth serenade.
“Age ain’t nothin’ but a number… throwin’ down ain’t nothin’ but a thang… this lovin’ I have for you, it’ll never change,”
Henry hadn’t heard this song before. It wasn’t his usual type of music, but he had to admit it sounded really nice. The gentle synths and piano along with the catchy beat felt almost like a lullaby, and the feeling it gave him matched that of the shining stars outside.
He thought about the lyric. Age ain’t nothing but a number…
It was simple, yet clever. Using obvious language while making a new point. Henry was almost upset he hadn’t come up with it himself.
“Age ain’t nothing but a number…” Henry whispered to himself. He giggled. It was true! Why did it matter that Tyler was a teenager, almost a grown-up, and that Henry was still a kid? Who says they can’t be friends?
More songs played. Tyler’s music taste seemed to be all over the place. R&B, metal, rock, pop, and a couple wild cards thrown into the mix too. There was one with the lyric “how can I ignore? This is sex without touching”, sung by a woman with a thick accent that Henry couldn’t identify. For some reason, that one made Henry’s stomach flip.
Henry looked at the number displayed on his CD player. The CD was almost over, only one song left. He didn’t want it to be over. It felt like Tyler was in the room with him, despite him being in the house nextdoor, alone in Margaret’s family’s guest bedroom, perhaps even on their couch.
An electronic drum beat played by itself as Henry wondered if Tyler was asleep or awake. It went on longer than he thought it would. After a few seconds of off-tune whistling in the background, the beat dropped and the singer began.
“You let me violate you…”
Now what did that mean? He’d have to ask Peter in the morning. That worm knew everything. Henry kept listening. What was this song even about?
“Help me!” The singer whined in between lines of the bridge. Henry almost laughed, but the next words took him completely by surprise.
“…I want to fuck you like an animal,”
Henry felt his stomach do flips inside him again, only this time they were much more intense. So that’s why Tyler had told him to wear headphones…
Henry’s parents never let him buy any CDs with the “parental guidance: explicit content” sticker on them, so he was always curious about what was on them. People weren't allowed to swear on the radio, so he assumed swears weren’t allowed in songs at all.
What would mum think if she knew he was listening to this? What would dad think? The fact that he was keeping this secret from his family made Henry feel excited.
The song went on. Electronic beats mixed with sounds that Henry never would’ve had the idea to use in music, but they somehow worked perfectly. Whenever the singer repeated that one line, “I want to fuck you like an animal,” Henry felt something inside him ignite. He couldn’t identify what it was. He had never heard anything this filthy in his life, while also sounding so vulnerable, so desperate.
Once the song was finished, Henry’s CD player clicked softly and left him in eerie silence. He looked away from the window to his bed. He looked at the walls and the ceiling. He looked at the floor. His room was still dark, but his eyes had adjusted enough to see all his furniture and all his belongings thrown about. Everything was so still. How was he supposed to sleep after that?
Henry crept back into bed. He realized that he had left the CD in the player, but he didn’t care. He could take it out in the morning. And even if he forgot, what were the chances anyone would look in there while he was gone anyway?
He closed his eyes and thought about that last song. The really weird one. The one that made him feel strange. The thought that he had listened to the same songs that Tyler had deliberately curated for him was surreal. He’d have to ask Tyler about the songs the next time he saw him. He’d never be able to have the CDs, but he might be able to look them up on the computer when his family wasn’t looking.
Henry fell asleep imagining himself sitting next to Tyler, alone with him, sharing a pair of earbuds and leaning close to each other, listening. He wondered what more strange and magical songs Tyler could show him.