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It’d hadn’t been a good day for Jason.
It was a great one.
Patrol had been smooth, no major mishaps that led him to bleed out on his bathroom floor, no major break outs. He actually managed to sleep more than three hours without any nightmares or flashes of jumbled up memories and it was glorious. He’d woken that morning feeling like he could actually accomplish things.
Eventually he managed to head out, still covering his face a decent amount to hide the scars. He didn’t like the stares and somehow – looking as shady as he did with his face covered– people stared less.
That’s Gotham for ya.
Still, even after being out for so long there’s gonna be the people who make comments, the rowdy teenage boys who think it’s funny to mock and poke fun at physical appearances. Even with how much Jason would tower over them they’d push too far.
What he didn’t expect was the group of grown men acting like teenagers, though he should have considering the hour of the day and the fact he was wandering through the more shady area of town.
But apparently these guys figured that picking a fight with him would be the best possible course of action in response to Jason ignoring them when they beckoned him over. So now Jason was being swung at by a gaggle of drunk men who could barely stand upright let alone throw a proper punch. It would’ve been easy for him to incapacitate each of the five men, but he didn’t really have the energy to deal with the cops that seemed to be conveniently ignoring the interaction across the road.
Though Jason was still taller than these men he had a habit of making himself seem smaller, something that never went away from his time on the streets, even after he became a vigilante.
He let the men get some hits in, ultimately not caring if he ended up a bit banged up. He was kind of hoping for it, it gave him this sense of relief that he doesn’t seem to get anymore.
The violence was what made him feel complete. It made him feel things other than an overwhelming sense of dread and anger at everything going on in his head.
What he hadn’t expected was one of the guys to pull out a blade and go straight for Jason’s stomach.
Jason stood there, ready to take it, letting the guy’s friends believe that they could hold him against the wall. He just watched, waiting to see if the stab would even do much damage, if the guy had the balls to make it deep.
His eyes widened just so slightly as the knife was pulled back.
The guy with the knife was tugged away, his friends staring in drunken confusion as some rando punched their friend and threw him to the ground, disarming him in the process.
The new guy made eye contact with Jason and the concern immediately dropped to a deadpanned look.
The feeling was mutual.
The guys let go of Jason as if the other two couldn’t take him on their own and started arguing with the random guy who just appeared.
Eventually Jason shoved passed them, grabbing the guy’s arm and just walking off before any of the men could fully process that they were meant to be fighting them.
—☆—
Now “safely” tucked away in the far end of an alley, Jason pushed Kyle against the wall, feeling a bit smug at the disgust shown on Kyle’s face.
“What are you doing in Gotham Space boy?” Jason was blunt and to the point, wanting to get to the point.
“Don’t worry, I’m not here to mess with your daddy’s system” Kyle scoffed as he slapped Jason’s hand away, moving off the wall and whatever was on it.
“Don’t word it like that” Jason grumbled as he crossed his arm, readjusting his mask and tugging his hat down a bit lower, suddenly really self conscious about his appearance.
Kyle knew he was Red Hood, knew about the whole death thing. Not by choice. It just happened during a mission and he still had yet to let Kyle really see his face up close and personal.
“I’m here because gotham uni was having some sort of art show, I wanted to see if there was anything good” Kyle sighed, sensing that Jason wasn’t in any type of mood right now.
“Just don’t let B catch your ass, he knows you’ll step in if something goes down…” Jason muttered as he turned to leave, not really caring to continue the conversation right now, his body missing the adrenaline of the earlier fight and the injury it had promised him.
Kyle rolled his eyes and headed out the same way, wanting to look at those art works.
—☆—
Hours later and Jason was still wandering around the city.
Something felt off, not with the city, but with Jason.
The streets downtown got a bit more packed as the sun set and Jason wasn’t even bothered by the constant people running into him and bumping him.
There were so many people, all the touching and noise, it pissed him off. But he deserved it. He could’ve just gone back to his apartment, could’ve just walked away, but he didn’t want to, he wanted the chaos. Jason liked the way it confused his head and left him with too much to think about and focus on to really think.
The only problem was how many openings there were for someone to attack him. It didn’t bother him too much but it wasn’t something he quite liked.
What he hadn’t expected was to be triggered by something so pathetic.
It was just some illegal firecrackers, nothing abnormal but the loud sound and smell of the smoke sent him right back to that warehouse.
He was so lost right now.
Today was a good day.
It was supposed to be a good day.
—☆—
Jason didn’t know how long he had been walking.
The people thinned out eventually though but the smell was still in his nose, the scarred side of his face felt like it was on fire. He was so scared.
He should’ve been fine. It was fine. He wasn’t a kid. He shouldn’t be shaking like this, shouldn’t be crying and dropping to the ground in an alley trying to pull his mask down before he threw up in it.
He was fine.
This was just his body overreacting. He’d be perfectly fine if he would just stand up and keep walking.
Jason punched his chest firmly, but it got more violent as the tightness just got worse and he struggled to breathe. He felt so pathetic, barely able to keep himself up on all fours as he stared at the grime alley ground.
There was a hand on his back.
His body jumped at the touch, sending a shiver down his spine as he turned, throwing a punch and pinning the man under him, a hand on he throat about to swing again only to freeze as soon as he realized it was Kyle.
Fuck. It was Kyle.
Kyle fucking Rayner.
Kyle fucking Rayner who saw him like this.
Who can clearly see his face right now.
Jason quickly backed off, stumbling and nearly falling back but quickly shoving the mask back on his face as he turned to bolt, already having to stop before he got to the end of the alley to vomit.
He was so tired. His body was shutting down right now and he could barely stand so he just accepted his fate as he dropped to his knees, wiping his mouth as he dry heaved, eyes tearing up.
He could feel Kyle staring and if there wasn’t a puddle of his vomit in front of him he would’ve just curled up right there on the ground.
“…Jason” Kyle said softly, still in the same spot Jason had knocked him to.
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
Jason couldn’t form the words, it felt like the minute he’d open his mouth all he would hear is his own screams.
“Jason…are you good?” Kyle was closer now and Jason just tensed up more, trying to be smaller, trying to make him leave him be.
“Jason please. What’s going on?” Kyle had stopped, Jason could tell he was keeping his distance. As far as Kyle was concerned Jason was a dog poised to attack at one wrong move.
Leave me alone. Please. I’m sorry. Just go away.
The words still wouldn’t come out and he froze when he heard footsteps.
“Jason breathe. You’re gonna black out. I’m gonna come over there and for the love of god don’t fucking punch me again” Kyle said a bit louder than a normal voice as he spoke all the way up until he was next to Jason, making sure he could hear him approach.
Don’t look at me. Don’t look at me. Don’t look. Don’t look.
Jason turned his head to the side and Kyle sighed as he moved to grab his phone.
“Wanna type your address in? I’ll get you an Uber, you need to go home right now” Kyle sighed as he passed Jason his phone and waited patiently to see if he’d take it.
He didn’t.
Kyle sat there with his phone out for a few minutes before groaning.
“Is it just your goal in life to be the most impossible person ever?” Kyle grumbled as he pocketed his phone and stared at the back of Jason’s head.
Jason flipped him off and Kyle couldn’t even be too upset because at least it was a reaction of some sort.
“C’mon, Jason…please…we don’t gotta talk I just can’t leave you here” Kyle admitted softly, finally giving away that he genuinely was worried and didn’t want Jason to be left alone right now.
“How about this…do you want me to get you a ride home? Just nod or something” Kyle offered, waiting and watching.
Jason shook his head after a few moments.
“Okay…do you want me to walk you home?”
Jason hesitated longer but eventually nodded.
What’s the point in fighting it anymore, Jason could’ve ignored Kyle for the rest of his life after this.
Kyle stood, waiting for Jason to follow.
He didn’t.
Jason just sat there on his knees, staring at his own vomit.
“…Jason. I’m gonna fight you, c’mon, don’t make me pick you up” Kyle sighed, making false threats as he flashed his ring to Jason, implying he would pick him up if he had to.
Ultimately Jason decided to walk on his own, standing on shaky legs as he slowly moved. Kyle let him lead the way, sticking close and trying to analyze Jason’s body language.
The walk was deathly silent except for some people out and about.
Some intentionally were running right into Jason, trying to show off to friends or strangers that they weren’t scared of a guy like him.
It was pathetic and Kyle eventually just started pulling Jason right out of the way to watch the person who tried to do it fall flat on their face.
He felt Jason tense when he grabbed him but felt the slight shake when he let out a small huff as the guy fell.
That was a good sign.
Eventually Jason led Kyle into an apartment complex. Kyle had assumed that Jason would’ve kicked him out as soon as he stepped foot into the complex’s property.
Jason led him into his apartment though, not really sure what he was thinking but having someone with him right now helped to distract him.
As soon as he was in his apartment he locked the door behind him, trapping Kyle into his apartment as he leaned back against the wall, staring at him.
“…I’m fucked huh” Kyle just said bluntly, waiting for at least a yes from Jason but he still didn’t get a reply.
“Dude, you clearly don’t want me to know about whatever the hell this is, so can I please fucking go home?” Kyle groaned, gesturing to Jason as a whole and trying to approach to get out the door.
Jason just reacted and pinned him to it instead.
His hands were held tight on Kyle’s shoulders, starting to shake again at the thought of being left alone.
“Would you stop.” Kyle shoved Jason off. He was pissed now with all the grabbing and aggression when all he had been trying to do was help.
“Dude, what the hell is going on? Like actually you’re acting insane right now. Would you just stop and breathe for a minute. And take off that stupid mask, your breath probably smells like puke and it’s not gonna help if you’re just breathing it in” Kyle snapped as he marched towards Jason, taking off his jacket just to throw it at him.
The silence was heavy, as Jason just held the coat that landed right against his chest.
Jason was confused why Kyle wasn’t also yelling at him for not talking.
“Dude, i’m tired, today was my first day off since i got back from a month long mission and you are fucking it up, so either tell me what i need to do or just let me fucking leave” Kyle grumbled as he rubbed his temples and waited.
“...stay…please…i just don’t wanna talk about it” Jason mumbled, feeling bile rise in his throat as he slowly took his mask off.
Kyle let out an exhausted sigh but ultimately kicked his shoes off.
“Give me some ground rules at least. I'm assuming no touching?” Kyle held out his hand to take his jacket back now.
“Just a warning…” Jason mumbled, offput by the way Kyle ignored his scars that were so obvious on his face.
“Well in that case, look out” Kyle grumbled as he put a fist right to Jason’s stomach, feeling the way he barely even flinched. “That was for earlier” he mumbled before sighing and looking around the apartment, taken in the torn couch, the walls with countless bloodstains and some homes that were probably the perfect size of Jason’s fists.
“Dick” Jason grunted quietly to which Kyle rolled his eyes.
“Go shower or some shit, you’re a mess” Kyle grumbled as he hung up his jacket and ultimately got comfortable on the couch. Only to be met a few moments later by Jason sitting next to him.
Kyle didn’t say anything at first, just taking in the haunted look in his eyes and the way he kept rubbing his face as if to try and hide the scars as much as he could.
“...are you sure you don’t wanna talk?” Kyle asked softly as he waited for a response he wasn’t gonna get.
Eventually Jason moved to grab the remote, passing it to Kyle and sitting just the tiniest bit closer.
“What do you have to eat?” Kyle asked eventually, realizing that Jason had been dry heaving earlier and probably didn’t have any food left in his system.
“What did you want?” Jason was about ready to get up and go make Kyle whatever he wanted in order to get him to stay.
Kyle just got up and went to the kitchen, shooting Jason a look when he saw him open his mouth. He wasn’t about to make the man order something or cook when he clearly looked like he was about ready to just curl up and let the crows pick at him until he’s nothing.
He eventually returned with some water and left over soup he had found in the more than scarce fridge.
The rest of the night was weird. Jason didn’t talk much, didn’t make any snide comments about Kyle, didn’t start anything, and was actually being nice and trying to interact a little bit, just enough so he wouldn’t leave.
But somehow by the end of the night Jason was right against Kyle, who had turned on Pride and Prejudice after seeing it on Jason’s watch again list, and Kyle just drew quietly, letting it happen.
“I’m so sorry about tonight…this never happened, okay” Jason mumbled, moving off Kyle to let him know he could leave.
He didn’t though, he just set his sketchbook to the side and pulled Jason into a hug.
“You promise you’ll be okay?” Kyle whispered into his shoulder, feeling the way he tense up and noticing the slight tremors in his hands.
Jason just froze. It was so weird to have someone he so desperately hated hugging him so tightly after having seen him throw up in an alleyway directly after he had nearly tried to kill the guy. It made him feel sick again to know Kyle still treated him like this even after all that.
So he just shook his head. And Kyle stayed.
The rest of their night was spent on that couch, silently watching tv while Jason red and Kyle drew, occasionally moving a hand to play with Jason’s hair where his head laid right next to Kyle’s leg. Just a steady presence with no judgement.