Archive of Our Own

“He wants a wife, two kids and a pond.”

Dennis is two long islands deep when Samira confesses this to the group. She, on the other hand, has had a handful of shots on top of her cocktails.

“A what?” Dennis shouts on top of the booming music.

Dennis doesn’t ask because he couldn’t hear. He asks because he needs to hear it again for it to fully sink in. There’s alcohol cruising in his body and if he’s being totally honest, the only actual reason he said yes to going out was because he wanted to forget about things.

“A wife, two kids and a pond.” Jack repeats from where he’s sitting beside Samira, arms slinged around her shoulders as if someone else will swoop in and steal her.

“You know about that?” Samira turns to him, eyes wide. She looks love struck as she watches him nod.

Jack smiles at her, “Robby’s been wanting that for as long as I’ve known him, Mira.”

They’ve gotten much more obvious about their feelings about each other since Robby left and Dennis doesn’t know what happened to make the gentle dance Samira and Jack were doing around each turn into a full on grinding on each other.

He turns to give Trinity a look that screams ‘do you see how ridiculous these two are!?’ But she’s already looking at him with a gawk.

“What a ridiculous dream!” Trinity says irritably, “He’s the Chief of the Emergency Room! That’s the dream!”

Oh, yeah. Back to the thing that started the whole conversation.

What’s your most unattainable dream?

Jack’s already shaking his head, “Just because it isn’t your dream doesn’t mean it's ridiculous, Santos!”

“Doctor Robby’s hot!” Mel shouts on top of the conversation, making all of them turn to her. She’s the designated driver so to have her scream this unprompted— not inebriated— is hysterical on its own.

“I didn’t know that was your type, Mel.” Victoria giggles, fingers playing with the straw of whatever fruity cocktail she’s had.

Mel immediately blushes under the dancing lights as she tries to explain herself, “That’s not— Okay! What I mean is that— He’s good looking! He can find a wife! It’s not totally unattainable.”

“Yeah.” Jack nods in agreement, “But he hasn’t found the one that clicks. Finding a wife is easy, finding a person to spend your whole life with— well— that’s a whole other thing.”

Trinity is giving Dennis a look from his peripheral view, which he adamantly ignores, sipping some more of his long island as he stares across the bar where the rest of their coworkers are. Dana’s laughing at something Ellis is saying and Mateo is spinning a laughing Perlah on the dance floor.

“I think it’s sweet!” Victoria comments, “He deserves good things.”

As the music pounds against the bar, Dennis can feel the crawling sensation of the alcohol in his veins. He feels hot and somehow feels cool at the same time. When Dennis looks up from his drink, he realizes that almost everyone that’s not working the night shift is here. Even Jack, who had a rare day off and wanted to spend it with co-workers— which Dennis pointedly knows is a lie— he just wanted to spend time with Samira.

“How about you, Huckleberry?” Trinity pinches the skin of his elbow, making him yelp and turn, “Unattainable dream?”

Dennis almost chokes on his drink, coughing to clear his throat, “Mine?”

“Yeah!” Samira cheers, “We’ve all said ours! Even Doctor Robby’s!”

The truth is on the tip of Dennis’ tongue and he’s itching to say it. But Dennis knows that saying it out loud won’t change anything, won’t do any of them any good. So he hums, and thinks of a better— more realistic— answer.

Instead he smiles and says the next best thing, “I’d really love to win at scratch and be able to take a vacation.”

“Boooo!” Trinity boos, making the group laugh louder, “What a typical answer!”

Beyond the hooting, Dennis meets Jack’s eyes. They’re not close per se, they’re co-workers who kind of know each other. But at that moment as Jack looks at him with intense eyes and curious tilt in his lips, Dennis feels as if Jack sees through his answer and sees it for what it truly is.

A bunch of bullshit.

Dennis breaks eye contact as Princess pops up from nowhere, “More drinks! Shots for everyone!”

The girls cheer and Dennis reluctantly accepts his first shot, hoping that the heat it brings to his chest is enough to dissolve the heaviness burrowed in it.

They drink some more, dance some more. At some point, Dennis gets pushed to do karaoke with Javadi and even though he knows about two and a half Olivia Rodrigo songs, he thinks he does well despite that.

When his fingers inevitably itch for a smoke, Dennis excuses himself and finds himself tucked in an alley between the bars. For some reason, in between thinking about unattainable dreams and missing people he’s not meant to miss, Dennis starts thinking of the trashy magazine Victoria had read to him a few weeks ago.

There’s a variety of quizzes to be taken and Victoria was adamant that they all take it. While Trinity’s love language was Quality Time, Dennis’ was Gift Giving to the surprise of them all. It had started an onslaught of conversations from ‘No, no, I think he’s more of an Acts of Service guy.’ to ‘Wait, but I think Mel is more of a Words of Affirmation gal. This shit is wrong, Vic!’

They all ended up falling asleep tangled together in the small living room of Trinity and Dennis’ apartment— but Dennis could not stop thinking about it until the next day.

His father’s greatest act of love for his mother was a Mother Mary Grotto, built with his own two hands in their own little backyard. It was built with stones, stacked together to form a cave like form and in the center of it all was Mother Mary. His father had adorned it with flowers and plants, lit up with a few lights and a small bench facing it so his mother could pray in the safety of their home whenever she wanted.

Since then, Dennis has been chasing that feeling— seeing his mother burst into tears of hysterical joy as his father showed the grotto he’s built for her for so many nights that summer.

Medical school debt and homelessness and just the sheer weariness life itself brings has put a halt on that. Maybe it was an unconscious decision, to instead focus on making other people's lives easier because of the fact that he didn’t have the means to give gifts to the people he loves.

Somewhere along the line, Dennis’ love language has not only morphed into two, but have also melded into each other. Coming hand and hand with each other: his urge to give gifts and make the people he loves lives easier with acts of service.

“So.” Dennis looks up from where he’s contemplating his life to see Jack walking towards him, “Scratch ticket?”

Dennis nods, laughing hollowly, “Scratch ticket.”

“That’s the unattainable dream?” Jack asks, and there’s an undercurrent of disbelief in his voice.

“That’s mine.” Dennis answers back, wills himself to make it sound like he believes it.

Jack shakes his head, laughing quietly into the night, “Alright, kid. I’m taking Mira home.”

“Alright.” Dennis nods, letting his cigarette fall to the ground and be crushed by his feet. When he looks up, Jack is still smiling at him. Dennis doesn’t know why he feels like a child that’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Like Jack can see through his mind and can see the familiar images of a grotto and a pond.

Jack turns to walk to where Samira is standing, laughing with Dana under the neon sign. Before he fully goes, Jack turns one more time.

“Some dreams only feel like they’re unattainable. But I don’t think that means they are.”

Dennis opens his mouth to respond but Jack’s back is already turned away from him, already far and close to Samira who turns to him like a sunflower finding her sun.

His hand is shaking as he waves at Samira. Was it that obvious? He wonders if the alcohol in his veins, the liquor that’s making him loose, making the tight lock he keeps around his feelings looser as well? The heat that he feels on his face, was it the shots or was it his face screaming his emotions this whole time? If Jack, who Dennis considers as an acquaintance more than a friend, can see his emotions clear on his face. Then fuck, does Trinity already know?

Hope is a dangerous thing, it’s something Dennis never truly let himself hold— tonight just confirmed that.

His unattainable dream is a man who wants a wife, two kids and a pond.

There’s something to say about the fact that Dennis doesn’t even hurt for himself— he knew he didn’t stand a chance from the moment Michael Robinavitch smiled at him. It’s the mere fact that he hurts more for Robby.

Robby is the farthest thing from perfect. Dennis knows that, truly, he does. However despite that, there’s something about Robby’s humanity that has struck Dennis deep in his chest and fundamentally changed him as a person. One day, he’s just Dennis Whitaker, Med Student, and the next, he’s Dennis Whitaker, Intern, would do anything to make Michael Robinavitch happy.

Dennis can’t be a wife. Dennis can’t give him two kids.

Stupidly, Dennis thinks that maybe if he can give Robby one of his unattainable dreams, then it’ll settle the itch in Dennis’ hands. Hopes that it’ll help his heart ease up in the suffocating reality that it’s the only thing he can give Robby.

So, Dennis— two long island drinks and four shots in— pulls his phone out and texts one Doctor Robinavitch.

Here is where Dennis could’ve stopped.

His stupidity to even have the nerve to ask Robby if he can do something in his backyard could be attributed to his lowered inhibitions. Standing in the middle of Home Depot after almost three days of sleepless nights— nights he spent researching ponds and Pittsburgh laws about backyard regulations— while being stone cold sober is also fine.

The ridiculous thing is having to ask Jack Abbot to help him.

Dennis tried his very best to not involve anyone, tried to keep it under wraps even though Trinity has been giving him curious looks since that night in the bar. Growing up in the farm means that he has the skills to dig and to plant and to know what to do with the soil.

What he doesn’t know about is the city regulations and while Dennis really did try to understand and read as much as he can. He still needed to be 100% sure that the local municipality can’t just come in one day and ask Robby to remove the pond.

Though ridiculously embarrassed, Dennis is determined to do this for Robby so he waits until hand offs are finished to corner Jack in one of the halls of the ED.

“Dr. Abbot.” Dennis greets, looking around them to make sure no nosy nurses or curious residents can hear them.

“Dr. Whitaker.” Jack acknowledges back, looking around as if to look for whatever Dennis is looking for, “Can I help you with something?”

Dennis licks his lips nervously. He practiced this speech all night and he should be ready for this. Even if he knows that Jack might’ve had an inkling for his feelings for Robby— however that had happened— he knows Jack will still ask questions and rightfully so.

“Yes, actually.” Dennis confirms, standing straighter, “I need your help. For house permits.”

Jack pauses, blinking in surprise, “House permits?”

“I am—“ Dennis purses his lips, hands clasping together. His fist balled and clasped by his hand, self-soothing in hopes to ease the worry, “I am building something in Dr. Robby’s garden and I need to go get an electrical permit for it.”

For a moment, Jack just stares at him under the bright unnerving hospital lights.

“A pond?” Jack asks.

Dennis wants to smash his head in the PTMC wall. But there’s no point in lying.

“Yes.”

Then, embarrassingly, Jack Abbot pulls him into a hug.

“Uh, Dr. Abbot?” Dennis squeaks out as Jack hugs him tighter, his hands trapped in between the two of them. Jack pats his back, joyful laughter echoing in the hallway.

Jack pulls back, hand staying on his shoulder as he looks at him, “You’re a good fucking man, Dennis Whitaker. I will help you get any damn permit you need.”

Dennis knows he’s probably as red as a fucking tomato but he bulldozes on, “I think I just need an electrical permit.”

Jack is still smiling widely, mirth clear on his face, “Tell me when and where and I’ll be there!”

“That’s it?” Dennis questions, sounding and feeling baffled that Jack’s not asking more about the fact that he’s about to dig up a hole in his best friend’s backyard, “You don’t have follow up questions?”

Jack waves his hand as he shakes his head no, “No, no. I will help you with the permits and unless you ask me for more favors, I don’t have any other questions.”

From there, Jack helps him get the permits done. Dennis barely did anything if he’s being honest, Jack called an old friend who owed him a favor and has arranged for all permits to be signed and approved for him by the next Monday.

Dennis only buys the basic things. He’s on a tight budget still, so he buys the things he can’t actually cheap out on. The pond liner that would hold the water, the pump and the filter to circulate and clean the water. The rest of the rocks that he needed, he took from Amy’s farm who has graciously allowed him to take whatever tool he needed or wanted.

And so, with everything finally ready for him, on a sunny July afternoon, Dennis starts making Robby’s dream come true.

If Dennis wasn’t a doctor, the garden would be done in two weeks tops. Unfortunately, he actually is a doctor. A student doctor at that, there’s things to study, things that need his focus. On top of that, he’s got to complete his hours and couldn’t miss any of it.

Three out of the seven days in Dennis’ week are dedicated to going to Robby’s house, while the rest is spent in his and Trinity’s place. More often or not, after the fifteen hour shifts, he’d be bent over at the backyard rummaging over something.

Robby’s house is tucked in a quiet suburban twenty minutes away from the city. The commute was supposed to be a pain in the ass before Robby had carefully redirected him to a truck that sits idly in his garage, giving him permission to use it for the time being.

Robby’s house is a charming two storey red bricked house. On the front, there’s a porch where a swing hangs, a white balcony wrapping around it. Dennis aches when he walks by the empty rooms in the second level, a reminder that the house was bought to be filled with laughter and life. It was bought with the thought of building a home and a family and now it sits quietly, time passing it by.

For some reason, Dennis starts longing to see the house filled as well. In the quiet of the night, he thinks of the creaking of the floor as small feet tap against it, he thinks of pencil lines on the door frames, he thinks of quiet giggling under blankets. It’s like staying in the house all alone has touched a part of Dennis’ soul, a part he didn’t even know existed, and it’s opened a whole can of worms.

The backyard itself is sparse. There’s an overgrown lawn and a bunch of weeds, a patch of soil where Dennis thinks Robby once tried to plant something. In the beginning— after Dennis got his permits and got his supplies— Dennis spent more than five days just clearing it out. Started with clearing the trash and dead vegetation, creating a pathway for himself to work.

Summer— however wonderful it is for all living things— is fickle and quick. Dennis makes quick work of maintaining the lawn and planting a few seeds of flowers, hoping that September would still be hot enough for them to thrive and grow. Dennis was even successful in trying to revive the patch of soil where Robby must’ve tried planting tomatoes, and actually planted tomatoes.

Slowly, Dennis starts shaping up the backyard. He’s had a clear vision of it from the very beginning. He’s surprised he didn’t just outright ask Jack about permits that night in that bar when he found about the pond.

By mid-August, the backyard is finally shaping up into something akin to a simple garden. He knows by then that it’s time to start the thing that he’s been trying to avoid: the pond.

Here’s where the problem lies. Dennis is one man and though he’s young and spry, something was bound to give when he goes to fifteen hour shifts and then proceeds to go home and dig a hole.

So when Dennis tweaks his back, Trinity finally snaps.

“Okay. I’ve had enough. What is up with you lately?” Trinity asks, her voice echoing in the parking lot. They’re walking out from another fifteen hour shift from hell when Dennis starts groaning over his back.

“What’s— what’s up with me?” Dennis points at himself as if there’s anyone else that could be behind him.

Trinity glares at him, arms crossed across her chest, “Yeah, Huckleberry, you! You’ve been acting suspicious. You’ve been more tired than usual and don’t even try to deny it because your eyebags are ridiculous at this point. If you’re not at home, you’re at Robby’s and I am not exactly sure if there’s any reason for you to be tired at that house!”

Dennis straightens up, defenses immediately up. He doesn’t want anyone else to know about the whole pond business, bringing Jack into the fold was embarrassing enough.

“There’s nothing going on. I’ve just been studying and doing all nighters—“

“Don’t lie to me, Dennis.” Trinity presses, “You’re hiding something from me and I am getting—“

She pauses, just enough that Dennis realizes just how quiet the parking lot is. The quiet bustle of the city rings behind them as they stare at each other.

Trinity takes a deep breath, like whatever she’s about to say is hard for her to spit out, “I am getting worried, okay? I am scared that you’re not— doing well. Langdon— his whole thing started with his back, okay? And I’m—“

Oh.

Dennis blinks back the tears that unexpectedly well up in his eyes. It’s been more than ten months of living with Trinity, and sometimes Dennis still gets hit with the overwhelming realization of how much he loves her in such a short period of time.

“Woah,” Dennis steps forward, hovering a bit, “I am not doing drugs or anything like that, Trin. I promise you that.”

“Then what is it? Because you’ve been weird! Weirder than usual!” Trinity chokes out, her voice wavering a bit.

Dennis scrubs a hand to his face. There’s truly only one option to this whole thing.

“Give me your car keys.” Dennis holds out a hand, already walking again to get to her car.

Trinity gives it to him easily, walking side by side with him, “What is it? Where are we going?”

“I’ll have to show you. But Trin,” Dennis pauses, unlocking the familiar Subaru as he turns to her. He hopes that she hears the desperation in his voice, “You have to promise me that you’ll never tell anyone.”

Trinity stares at him with furrowed eyebrows before she finally gives in and nods, “I promise, Huckle. I promise.”

Trinity will comment about his driving skills every now and then, but overall the drive to Robby’s house is quiet. It’s not uncomfortable per se, but there’s anticipation in the air. Dennis knows her enough to know that it’s killing her to wait and not say anything.

“Please, don’t tell me you’re about to show me Robby’s red room or something.” Trinity whispers in the silence of the house as Dennis opens a light to lead them to the backyard.

“Jesus, there’s no red room, Trinity!” Dennis feels himself blushing at the thought of Robby having a red room and he doesn’t really need that at the moment.

They stop right at the back deck, it’s dark enough now that they can’t really see anything other than the vague shapes of the plants Dennis has planted.

“Are you gonna murder me here or are you opening the lights?” Trinity asks.

Dennis sighs, accepting defeat and flicking the switch on. The backyard bulb is bright and disorienting but it’s enough to light the whole backyard.

It’s the first time anyone has seen the labor of Dennis’ actual love. He’s been working at it for more than a month now, and though there’s definitely more work to do, Dennis is proud of how far he’s gotten.

“Are you— What is this— Are you gardening?” Trinity turns to him gawking, “That’s what you’ve been doing? Gardening?”

Dennis purses his lips, “Yeah. Gardening.”

Trinity steps down from the deck to inspect closer, Dennis trailing behind her as she looks at the whole thing quietly. The pond is tucked at the farthest end of the backyard. Right now, it’s barely even a pond. It’s a hole and Dennis has just started lining it with the pond liner.

Trinity halts right in front of it.

“Are you building a fucking pond?” Trinity asks, her incredulity seeping through her voice.

Dennis hums in response, not trusting his voice enough.

It’s becoming a common occurrence now. People will look at Dennis and they’ll immediately clock the fact that he wears his heart on his sleeve; the same heart that’s beating for a person that isn’t ever going to reciprocate it.

“You’re building Robby a pond? In his backyard?” Trinity clarifies, turning to him now.

“Yes, Trinity.” Dennis finally says, knowing that she’ll just keep asking questions if he doesn’t actually voice an answer.

For a moment, Trinity just stares at him with pure astonishment before a gleeful smile graces her face. If anything, Dennis would even describe it as fond.

“I know you had a crush on him. But this—“ Trinity gestures with her arm, “This is the loudest declaration of love I’ve ever seen.”

“Shut up.” Dennis groans, hands coming to his face to scratch at his hot cheeks, “I know. It’s so fucking embarassing.”

“It is.” Trinity cackles, “But it’s… sweet.”

Dennis stares at her in suspicion, “Who are you and what have you done to my Trinity?”

Trinity rolls her eyes, poking him by the sides, “I’ve spent the last few days in fear that you’re doing drugs. Give me a break, I am just happy that my roommate isn’t actually in shambles. He’s just embarrassingly down bad for our fifty-ish year old attending.”

“I am not down bad!” Dennis stomps, “I—“

Trinity points at the pond, “The proof is right here, Huckleberry. There’s no point in denying it.”

“I just want to make him happy.” Dennis mumbles, but in the silence of the suburbs, Trinity still hears it.

She shakes her head with a smile, eyes roaming around as she looks around the garden, “I don’t know what this place looked like before, but I think you’ve done good.”

“Wait, you think so?” Dennis perks up. He’s not gotten any feedback, aside from Robby’s neighbor who’s been giving him tips about the type of soil they have but other than that no one has actually seen the garden.

Trinity hums, squinting a bit when she turns to see the bright light, “I think you should change the lights though. I think I might go blind with those lights.”

Dennis turns to the light. It is indeed very bright, it’s been very helpful when Dennis works late into the night.

“Maybe some of those outdoor string lights?” Trinity nods, “I think it’d make it prettier.”

“Yeah.” Dennis smiles in agreement, “Yeah, I think that would be perfect.”

Trinity turns, apparently having hit the emotional limit of the night, charging back in doors with a sly smile, “Well, let’s go in. The mosquitos are making me their dinner. I am gonna go snoop around inside the house now.”

“No, Trin!” Dennis jogs to follow her, “Trin!”

They end up sleeping over that night, too tired to even drive back to the city.

The next morning is an off day and Trinity drinks her coffee on the back deck as Dennis continues on doing his work on the pond. Trinity comments here and there, until Dennis finally shuts her up by giving her a shovel and putting her on gravel duty.

Under the bright light of the summer sun, Dennis realizes that it’s the first time Robby’s house has felt like a home. He wishes he could bottle it up and store it for stormy days, and wishes he could gift it to Robby so he too could have these days.

Dennis hopes the pond is good enough for bad days.

October comes around in a blink of the eye. The trees slowly lose their bright color and the wind gusts a bit colder.

By this point, Dennis has finished the pond— finished the garden itself.

When Dennis started building the garden, he thought that finishing the pond on time would be the hardest thing he’d have to do. Apparently, it’s not. It’s waiting for Robby to come home— that’s the hard task. They’ve reached the three month mark of Robby’s sabbatical, and though the older man hasn’t mentioned anything to Dennis, he knows he’ll be home soon. Dennis doesn’t talk about the growing longing in his chest, instead he just falls asleep in Robby’s house, wrapped in blankets that doesn’t really smell like him anymore. 

The hospital continues on grinding and so Dennis continues on as well. When Jack corners him in central one day, Dennis is not exactly surprised anymore. Their kinship has turned into a reluctant friendship, fueled by the pond and the fact that Samira and Jack have finally stopped dancing with each other and have finally gotten their shit together. More often than not, Jack’s invited to night outs.

“Dr. Whitaker, a moment of your time?”

Dennis pauses, he’s already in his civilians. The shift should’ve ended a few hours ago, but it’s just one of those days, “Uh, yes.”

The bay is empty as they step out, perfect for whatever conversation this is.

“Did you know?” Jack accuses, as soon as they’re alone in the privacy of the bay.

“Know what?” Dennis stares at him in confusion.

“Robby.” Jack starts, there’s a look on his face. Dennis could only describe it as pure concern and his pulse quickens in realization, “He extended his sabbatical."

“Extended?” Dennis breathes out.

Whatever his face is doing has made Jack realize that Dennis doesn’t actually know anything about the extension.

The last time Dennis talked to Robby was two days ago. When the conversations they had about Robby’s house had changed into more personal and deeper things, the texting had changed into phone calls. Dennis would like to deny that his heart held any hope, but that would be a lie.

Reality has such funny ways of waking you up. Robby has not mentioned anything about extending his leave. The last thing they talked about was Robby taking a hike in Banff and the fact that he might not have signal while he’s up there. He had told Dennis to not worry, that he'd be back down by the evening to give him a call.

“I didn’t know.” Dennis continues on when the silence stretches on for too long.

“I thought you would.” Jack pulls back a bit, “You guys have been— I know you guys have been in contact. So I thought he would’ve told you.”

“Well, he didn’t.” Dennis spits out, the bitterness of it all showing through his voice.

“Dennis.” Jack calls out as Dennis starts walking away.

“Thank you for letting me know, Dr. Abbot. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Dennis isn’t one to turn to alcohol for his worries. He’s watched his father drown himself in liquor and still wake up miserable. If it tastes horrible and doesn’t exactly wipe away the pain in his father’s eyes, then why would Dennis even give in to it?

There’s a heavy pressure on his chest. Maybe it’s hope fracturing. Maybe it’s the truth making itself known.

Dennis Whitaker has never stood a chance from that very moment he met Michael Robinavitch. There’s a pond in his backyard that tells that, and announces it to the whole world. No matter how profound and deep his love for the man is, the truth still stands: it is not enough to make anyone love you back.

Dennis calls Trinity, and then Mel, and then Victoria who was still with Samira.

They’re at the nearest bar in the next thirty minutes.

Dennis is undeniably still hangover when he walks into the ER the next morning. While Trinity and Mel don't have a shift, Victoria is on the same boat as he is. Samira, who was their designated driver, pointedly laughed at them when they walked in this morning.

Dana and Jack gave them funny looks before handing them a bunch of tylenol and shoving them to the direction of the triage, hoping that it would be kinder to them rather than the traumas.

The world finally grants Dennis a piece of kindness, because the shift was barely busy. Three traumas and by lunch time, Dennis’ head has stopped throbbing.

It’s only by the end of shift that Dennis has the urge to check his phone. If he’s being honest, he’s forgotten he even had it with him. He’s walking out of the back exit, head down checking his phone when he sees the message.

Dennis stops in the middle of the walkway. Above the new messages are drunk texts that he didn’t even remember sending. Jesus, this is embarrassing. Maybe Robby taking an extended sabbatical is a blessing and he should just tear the whole pond out.

Immediately, Dennis backtracks and follows the walkway to the parkade instead. Though Dennis knows where Robby’s assigned parking was, he’s never really parked the truck there. He uses the private elevator leading up to the private parkade for the doctors.

The doors open slowly and as Dennis steps out, he immediately stops on his tracks when he sees—

Robby.

Robby’s here. His truck is parked at his spot, and the tailgate has been popped open so he could sit on the truck bed.

For a moment, Dennis is convinced he’s hallucinating. Maybe this was a side effect of the hangover. It’s too— picturesque. Behind him, the open balconies of the parkade show a slit of the gorgeous painting the sky is trying to paint as the sun sets. Robby’s head is down, but Dennis can see that he’s wearing his reading glasses as he reads a book.

Dennis wants his brain to catch up because if this isn’t real he wants to remember it for the rest of his life.

The view is gorgeous.

He walks closer quietly, like his own feet has its own mind and it couldn’t be stopped. Dennis might’ve made a noise of distress because Robby finally looks up from the book with wide eyes before he beams. It’s brighter than the fucking sunset behind him and—

Okay, the view is breathtaking now.

“Dennis.”

Dennis blinks at him as he gets closer. This can’t be real.

Robby’s standing now, a few feet away from him. He’s wearing a well-loved grey sweater with jeans and some boots, his hair is wind swept from the October air. On the truck, there’s a utility jacket that’s hanging from the edge. He looks comfortable and cozy and gorgeous— has he mentioned that? Dennis wants to bash his head on a wall.

“Hey,” Robby calls out, voice sounding concerned now that Dennis is openly just staring at him, “You okay? Was it a tough shift?”

Dennis’ brain finally catches up, “Robby?”

Robby’s face morphs into a smile, like he can’t stop his own face from reacting. He finally takes off his glasses and pockets them, “Yes?”

Dennis inches closer and pokes his arm. Robby stares at him with open amusement, then Dennis pinches the skin under the sweater making him yelp quietly.

“Oh my god. You’re real?” Dennis stares at him with wide eyes, “How are you here?”

“Well, I—“

”Wait.” Dennis holds up a hand, “You have the truck. You’ve been— you’ve been home?”

Dennis bites his tongue at the fact that he just called Robby’s house home. But he brushes past it as the realization hits him. Robby has been home. He went home. To the house with a pond. To the house with a pond that Dennis built for him.

Fuck.

“Did you— did you see—“

Robby’s already shaking his head, “No, no. I’ve not seen the garden. I was hoping you’d be there when I get to see it for the first time. Just took the truck and came straight here.”

“Where is the bike?” Dennis asks, head rapidly giving him more questions, “How are you even here?”

Robby laughs. Dennis stares, he’s not stopped staring. Robby seemed lighter, a bit— healthier.

“How about some dinner?” Robby asks, closing the tailgate behind him, “Let’s get some food in you and then we can talk?”

“Food?” Dennis repeats.

Robby smiles at him rather fondly, his hands flexing against the truck like he’s itching to touch something.

“Yeah. Food. Then talk?”

Dennis finally blinks.

“Food. Then talk.” Dennis nods. He starts walking towards the driver’s seat when Robby makes a familiar clicking sound, “Ah-ah.”

Dennis turns to him in confusion, “What?”

Robby grabs him by the shoulder— which in itself might give Dennis an aneurysm— and guides him to the passenger seat, opening the door for him as Dennis lets himself get manhandled to the seat. He takes Dennis’ bag and tosses it at the back seats.

“You are not driving, I am driving. You just finished a twelve hour shift.”

Dennis watches as Robby walks around the car before hopping in the driver’s seat. Robby tosses his own jacket at the back before putting his book down on the console.

Dennis reads the cover, “Project Hail Mary?”

Robby snickers, the truck finally roaring to life, “The airport bookstore didn’t have a lot of options.”

Dennis barely holds himself back when Robby shifts the truck in reverse. His hand comes up to rest at the top of the passenger seat’s headrest, his body following to turn with it. With one hand resting on the wheel, the other bracing himself, Robby guides the truck out of the parking slot in one smooth motion.

Dennis stares openly as he watches the quiet concentration on Robby’s face. A face he’s seen so many times before in the halls of the hospital. Never in the light of the sun setting.

The car straightens and Robby’s arm drops as he pulls out of the parkade.

Jesus Christ. Dennis needs to get laid. Or he needs to drive the truck in random parking spots around the city and call Robby to come help him to back it up. He’s sure that’s a memory that would last him a lifetime.

“Wait,” Dennis' brain buffers finally, “Airport bookstore?”

Robby chuckles, giving him a quick look before turning back to the road, “Yes. It was either that or Heated Rivalry. With the way the kid was looking at me at the cashier, I think it was safe to say that it wasn’t for me.”

“Heated Rivalry is for everyone.” Dennis defends before he realizes that that wasn’t the main point of the conversation. He shakes his head, “Not my question. I meant, why were you at the airport?”

“I had to ride an airplane to get home. That’s why I was at the airport.” Robby answers, as they pull at a stoplight, the car halting to a stop. He leans forward and Dennis is delusional enough to think he was gonna get kissed.

Instead, Robby takes a bag from the space below Dennis’ feet and hands it to him, “Those almost didn't make it past customs.”

Dennis opens the bag and pulls out the bottle. It's a small bottle of maple syrup stored in a maple leaf shaped bottle. He peeks inside the bag and sees six other bottles.

“Wha—?” Dennis gawks at him.

“There's enough for you and the girls. Hopefully it helps solve the debate.” Robby gives him an endeared smile.

Robby's home. In Pittsburgh. Without his bike because Dennis is sure he couldn't have checked that in. He's home. With maple syrup for him and his friends. Again, without his bike.

“Why are you home?” Dennis aims for curiosity but lands on sounding like he's demanding answers. With the way Robby looks at him, he guesses he hears it too.

“Do you want the truth?”

Dennis nods vigorously, “Yes. Please.”

“You asked.” Robby says, eyes intense on him. Dennis feels like he’s being flayed open with one singular look.

“I asked?” Dennis repeats, starting to feel insane.

“You asked.” Robby repeats, the light turning green as they turn to the freeway.

Dennis remembers the drunk messages with sudden clarity, “Robby, I was drunk.”

Robby nods, eyes focused on the road, “And I was sober. It doesn’t make a difference. You asked and I came.”

His pulse quickens at the mere sentiment. He shouldn’t let his heart hope, Dennis really should not. But as he stares at Robby— Robby who’s actually here because he asked. Maybe—

“I— I don’t—“

Robby gives him a quick glance, “Let’s talk later. Dinner then talk.”

Dennis agrees, only because he doesn’t actually know what to say, doesn’t know how to open his mouth without his next words being I am in love with you. So Dennis settles back on his seat, holds the bag to his chest and waits.

Dinner was quiet.

Not quiet in a way that they didn’t talk. Quiet in a way that none of the things that should be talked about was talked about.

Robby talks about his trip, tells him about places he’s seen and people he has met. Dennis smiles, even though he’s already heard some of the stories over the phone.

Dennis talks about the hospital, tells him about the patients that have left a mark and gossip that he should definitely know as the Chief of Emergency. Dennis is sure that he’s told some of the stories twice as well, but Robby smiles at him nonetheless.

When dinner has been cleaned and dishes have been washed, Robby turns to him still drying his hands on the dish towel.

“Can I see the backyard now?”

Dennis’ immediately feels his throat close up, “Uh. How about tomorrow? It’s pretty dark.”

Robby shakes his head, “Not a problem. That’s the reason why I installed the flood light.”

Dennis grimaces at the reminder of the flood light that he actually removed. It’s still there, but he had to unplug it to plug in the garden lights.

Robby starts walking towards the back deck, Dennis swoops in front of him to stop him, “Actually— There’s like some things that isn’t finished yet—“

“Dennis.” Robby gives him a reassuring smile, squeezing his shoulder, “I am going to see it one way or another. I am sure everything is okay.”

Dennis lets himself be moved out of the way. There’s no point in stopping it anyway, Robby was correct. He will see it one way or another, Dennis knew this from the very beginning and still went through with it.

Robby chuckles, “I want to see if I can add more things in the future. I’ve always wanted a pond, you know?”

Oh, Dennis knows.

With the reminder of one of Robby’s unattainable dreams being attained, he straightens his back up, and resolves on following this through. Dennis started it and he shall finish it as well.

For Robby’s happiness.

Dennis swoops in before Robby can slide the back doors open. Robby stares at him pointedly.

“Can I?” Dennis asks, gesturing to the door.

Robby shrugs, stepping back and holding his hand up in surrender, “Alright.”

Dennis opens the backdoor, and for a moment, he thanks the darkness for concealing his true feelings. His hand fumbles to find the familiar switch. When he finally feels the familiar switch, Dennis takes a deep breath before letting it go and flipping the switch open.

The once dark garden is suddenly bathed in a gentle yellow light, as the string of garden lights spread throughout the backyard lights up the dark.

Beside him, Robby gasps and freezes at the landscape.

Dennis must say, he really is proud of the garden. The once grey and dead backyard is now full of colors, albeit that the colors are slowly fading from the weather turning cold. The surrounding edge is fenced with wild flowers that Dennis’ has painfully tended to over the summer. There’s a garden bed where there used to be a patch of dead soil that is now home to some growing vegetables.

Beyond the quiet of the night, you can hear the gentle trickling of the pond. It’s tucked at the far end of the garden, rocks lined up around it and landscaped with pops of colorful flowers. There’s gentle movement in the pond, the koi fish that Jack has gracefully forced him to add are swimming lazily in the small pond.

There’s a small bench by it— something Dennis had found in Robby’s garage.

It’s a sanctuary.

It might actually be the loudest declaration of love Dennis has ever staged and even though he knows that there’s no turning back after this— he is beyond proud of it.

Robby walks down the back deck carefully.

“Dennis— is that a—?” Robby pauses, turning fully to him now.

Dennis kind of wants the earth to open up and swallow him whole but he’s had three months to back off from this whole thing. He had the chance to stop so many times. He could've stopped when he was about to buy the materials, or he could’ve stopped before he asked Abbot’s help to get the permits.

But Dennis didn't. And he's not about to stop now.

“Yup. It’s a pond.” Dennis says, trying to avoid Robby's eyes on him.

“You built a pond? In my backyard?” Robby clarifies, he sounds absolutely bewildered and Dennis doesn't even begrudge him for it.

“I built a pond.” Dennis nods, already feeling his cheeks heat up.

“Dennis.”

Before he knows it, a hand wraps around his wrist turning him to face him forward and Dennis feels as if the world has ceased to exist altogether. Robby’s looking at him with wide eyes, yes, but beyond that, Dennis can recognize that look. It’s the same look Dennis gives him. Dennis doesn’t know what it looks like on his face, but he knows how it feels.

The hope that blooms in Dennis' chest is breathtaking.

“How did you even know?” Robby asks, almost breathless like he’s ran a marathon, “I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned.”

Dennis gulps, ignoring the warmth of the hand wrapped around his wrist, “Samira told me. She was drunk so don’t get mad at her. Jack on the other hand was stone cold sober when he confirmed it.”

“Why?” Robby whispers. His eyes are laser focused on Dennis’ face, trying to look for something. Dennis prays that he finds it, he desperately prays that Robby finds everything he needs in Dennis, “Why?”

The disbelief is clear in Robby’s voice. There’s a million other questions being asked with one simple why. But above that Dennis hears the real reason for the tone of disbelief: Robby doesn’t think he deserves any of it.

Dennis laughs at the sheer absurdity of it. Whatever was in that pasta they got for take out probably had some drug that gave him all this false confidence because Dennis pulls his hand from Robby’s grasp, not fully but just enough so their hands end up clasped together.

Dennis holds on to it and holds on for his dear life.

If the garden is not enough, then Dennis resigns himself for a lifetime spent trying to remind Robby that he is worthy of good things.

“Because,” Dennis smiles, whatever rattling in his chest finally settling as he sets the truth free, “I am in love with you.”

Robby stares at him like Dennis had just single-handedly done a cricothyrotomy by himself, bewildered and somehow, fond and affectionate.

“You deserve good things. A wife, two kids, and a pond.” Dennis repeats the list, “I can’t give you two of those, Michael, but if a damn pond makes you happy then I’ll make you ten more of them.”

Robby closes his eyes with a sharp intake of air, his face scrunching up with a baffled smile. He opens up his eyes and meets Dennis’ eyes, there’s a sheen of shininess to them, “I am really old. I am damaged. I have a shit ton of baggage and I have an appointment for my first therapy session on Monday. I took an extended leave to— focus on those.”

“I don’t really care.” Dennis laughs, his chest about to explode with emotions, “I mean, I am proud that you’re going to therapy and that you're taking your time. But I don’t care about the rest.”

“I don’t really want a wife.” Robby confesses, stepping forward. With Dennis still on the deck and Robby on the steps, they’re heights just about meet each other.

“You don’t?” Dennis asks, “What do you want?”

Robby nods, his free hand flexes before it finally cups Dennis’ face. Dennis melts against the touch, a small sigh escaping his lips as he takes in the man in front of him.

“I want a pond.” Robby answers.

“You’ve got it.” Dennis shoots back.

Robby looks like he’s struggling to ask for things he wants for a second before he says, “And I want you.”

With one hand clasped together, Dennis lifts his other hand to hold the wrist that’s cupping his face. He ducks a bit to meet Robby’s brown eyes before he declares, “And you got me as well.”

Hesitantly, Robby moves forward until their faces are only inches apart, his eyes dropping to Dennis’ lips before returning to his eyes. Dennis understands the gestures— he’s giving him a way out and Dennis would laugh if not for the tension building up in his chest.

“Are you sure?“

Dennis smiles at him and answers the only way he wants to. He leans forward to capture Robby’s lips on to his, soft and tentative.

Dennis can’t help but smile against the kiss. All of that hard work was worth it for this one singular kiss. He feels as if he’s been reborn into a new person and the person who was once known as Dennis Whitaker, Intern, would do anything to make Michael Robinavitch happy, is now known as Dennis Whitaker, Doctor, true purpose in life: kissing Michael Robinavitch.

Robby's hand tightens around his. Whatever’s going on in his head settles down when Dennis sighs into the kiss, and Robby takes this as permission to lean into the kiss. Fully letting go of his hand now and instead pulling him closer by the waist. Their chests are so close against each other they can feel each other's heartbeat. Dennis wraps his arms around Robby’s neck, hand reaching to brush his fingers through his hair.

There’s a chill that runs down his spine when Robby moves to swipe his tongue against his lips, asking permission to deepen the kiss and Dennis is nothing but a weak man, and so he grants it easily. The gentleness was gone and has been replaced by a hunger that could bring Dennis to his knees.

Before he knows it, Robby’s hiking Dennis’ legs around his waist. Arms tight around his waist, hand around his ass to properly hold him as Robby hauls the two of them into the safety of the house. Dennis makes a sound that is halfway between a whine and a moan when his back hits the wall.

“I am desparately—“ Robby tries to say, his voice getting cut off as he peppers kisses on Dennis’ jaw, neck, collarbone— everywhere his lips could touch, “I am desperately in love with you.”

Dennis can’t help but chuckle when Robby peppers his face with kisses, swatting him away to get a good look at Robby’s face.

He looks positively flush, his cheeks burning pink and there’s such clear bliss on his face that Dennis finally believes it. For some ridiculous reason, Robby feels exactly how Dennis feels for him. Dennis will have to find a way to accept that, because he doesn’t think he can ever go back to a life without this.

“Say it again.” Dennis pleads, finger dancing along Robby’s jaw.

Robby smiles at him tenderly, eyes crinkling as he stares at him, “I don’t care about unattained dreams. I only want you.”

Dennis hooks a finger onto the hem of his sweater, “And the pond?”

“The pond is a bonus. You are the dream.” Robby answers, surging forward to recapture his lips.

Dennis considers all the ways people have told him that they loved him. In his mother’s offer to pray for him, in Trinity’s sharp but witty responses, in his friends' teasing and companionment.

Dennis decides that being called the dream by the person he never truly thought would love him in return— might just be his favorite one.

Robby goes back to work a month later— now in therapy and medicated. He still has bad days, Dennis will admit, but he’s trying his best to ask for help now when he needs it.

Four out of the seven days in the week, Dennis spends in Robby’s house. Trinity teases him about it endlessly, but there’s a glint of happiness in her eyes that reassures Dennis about the whole thing.

The garden is still thriving. Robby has learned to water the vegetables just enough to not drown them, and has thoroughly enjoyed reading books by the pond. Begrudgingly, Dennis admits that Jack’s suggestion of adding koi fishes has been a wonderful addition to the little pond. He would never admit it, but he enjoys feeding them and watching them swim by. Though as the winter looms closer, Dennis prepares himself to bid goodbye to the garden until the next summer.

On Robby’s first day back, Dennis finds a scratch ticket taped on his work monitor. A yellow sticky note on top of it with a message: Jack told me about your unattainable dream. I hope this helps you get closer to it.

Dennis smiles tenderly at the note, before pocketing it. He uses his newly issued ID badge to scratch the ticket. There’s stars all around the ticket and to win he would need three stars.

There’s one star, two stars— As Dennis scratches the last box, he cannot help but shake his head as he finishes the ticket.

Dennis looks up, already searching for his favorite brown eyes and he’s not even surprised when he sees Robby’s eyes already watching him from across the bay. He waves the card, making Robby beam at him giddily and give him a goofy little thumbs up.

The card is empty and Dennis doesn’t become a scratch card lottery winner that afternoon.

But as Robby passes by him, a smile directed for Dennis and only Dennis, with a gentle squeeze on the shoulder.

“You won?” Robby asks, soft eyes trained at him.

Dennis gives him an easy smile back, answering, “Nah.”

“Damn.” Robby whispers, “We’ll just have to buy again and again until we get you your dream.”

Robby’s already being called by Dana before Dennis can even tell him the truth. But that’s okay, there’s no rush. There’s still thousands of tomorrows to be spent together and Dennis would tell him the truth some time then.

The truth that: Dennis has attained his unattainable dream.

The dream kisses his temples before he goes to bed, the dream helps him study for medical exams, the dream holds his hand on harder days. The dream is obsessed with the small pond in his backyard— the same pond that was built by hand by the love of his life.

It’s Michael Robinavitch, a garden and a pond.

Dennis has already won the lottery.