The Completely Normal Adventures of a Crime Alley Kid
Series Metadata
Listing Series
-
Reddit Posts of a Crime Alley Kid by Beachfox for TaxiCabToSlowtown
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics), DCU
20 Aug 2023
Tags
Summary
Conrad's just your average 20 year old Crime Alley street-rat. He's no one special. Just another (Second) Robin worshiping, baseball bat wielding, Hench Work avoiding, homeless kid wrangling, street patrolling, Red Hood work for-ing, formally homeless gay street-punk thug.
And sure, there's that time Robin slammed him off a wall hard enough to change his life, and that time he accused Batman of murder, and the time his sister Joker Gas bombed a playground. And sure, most of his family are active Henchmen for various Rogues, and sure Red Hood seems like he might be flirting with him, and sure despite his best efforts the Bats keep showing up in his life more and more often. But he's still just a normal average guy.
He also has a crippling Reddit addiction.
Alternatively
A character study of a hot trashfire of a human being in the DCUniverse as told through his many many Reddit posts.Series
-
The Crime Alley Kid Meets The Second Robin by Beachfox
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
05 Oct 2023
Tags
Summary
Conrad's had a rough day. Turns out the guy he's been flirting with online is actually his boss. He had not known that.
His boss is the Red Hood. He had known that.
His boss wants to talk to him. Alone. He does not know about what.Is he going to get fired? Shot? Promoted? Propositioned? Kicked out the window?
At least he can be confident there's no chance of any further paradigm-rocking identity-related revelations in store for him.
*glances up at the title*
*glances at the camera*No chance whatsoever.
Series
-
The Crime Alley Kid Meets Matches Malone by Beachfox
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
28 Feb 2024
Tags
Summary
Conrad's spent his entire life since age 13 living by two simple rules: Never Hench for anyone, and never do something that would make Batman want to punch him in the face. Now he's broken both of them by falling into a torrid Hench-With-Benefits relationship with Crime Alley's own Red Hood.
Now he's got an angry Batdad stalking him at night, a bunch of Underbosses who find his sudden promotion to their ranks right after banging the boss suspicious as hell, and a pile of new responsibilities to balance out making time with a man he still hasn't seen unmasked.
But tonight is going to be a break from all that stress, a break from managing his gremlins, a break from dealing with every single other gang along their borders wanting to start shit. He just has to deal with one small staffing issue at the queer youth center first. One hour max, in and out.
It's not like the most mysterious and powerful figure in Gotham's expansive underworld is going to show up at their doorstep getting chased by a murderous gang or anything, right?
Series
-
The Crime Alley Kid Meets Jason Todd by Beachfox
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics), DCU, Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010)
17 Jul 2024
Tags
Summary
Perfectly normal Crime Alley street-thug Conrad has been having a hell of a month.
In quick order he learned/unintentionally worked out that:
*The rando he'd been chilling/flirting with online was actually his boss' boss, The Red Hood
*Red Hood was actually the Second Robin
*Hood's estranged father figure, The Batman, was actually infamous crime boss and former dinner guest at his parents, Matches MaloneNow, Hood's going to fully demask for Conrad because everyone but Batman has agreed it's only a matter of time at this rate.
And sure, this is going to throw their whole casual Hench-With-Benefits relationship into uncharted waters. And sure, it's going to tie Conrad into Gotham's cape scene in ways he's spent the past decade trying to avoid. And sure, seeing your Boss unmasked goes against every Henching rule that'd been beaten into his head growing up, but it's Robin asking. How can you say no to Robin?
At least it's clear that Red Hood is most likely one of Matches Malone's infamous legion of nephews and stepkids, so there'll be no further shocking revelations there, right?
*looks up at title and looks back*
Right.
Series
-
You Can't Fucking Trust a Crime Alley Kid by Beachfox
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics), Batman (1966), DCU (Comics)
12 Dec 2025
Tags
Summary
Arturo was 17 when he was thrown into Gotham beaten, broken, and entirely ignorant about the city he found himself in. In the near twenty years since, he's learned. Through mob jobs and henching gigs and street-gang wars, he's come to understand Gotham inside and out. And if he's learned anything, it's that you can't trust a Lupu, you can't trust an Alvarez, and you sure as hell can't trust that fucking Crime Alley Kid.
Now if only he could make his Boss understand that as well before it's too late.
Series
-
Side Stories from Crime Alley by Beachfox
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics)
14 Dec 2025
Tags
Summary
Despite how normal and average the adventures of the Crime Alley Kid are, there are still even more stories out there of events just as unremarkable and cause for as little concern.
Here are some of these stories, along with the occasional Reddit screed and misplaced research paper for your reading enjoyment.
Series
-
The Mostly NonCanonical Adventures of a Crime Alley Kid by Beachfox
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types
08 Feb 2026
Tags
Summary
A collection of stories that - although perfectly in character and probable - don't fit into the canonical timeline and instead exist in that strange nebulous space that many anime movies and side comics do of only really being "real" if some future writer decides to base something in mainline continuity that builds on it.
Mostly featuring Conrad getting thrown into some of the standard Batfam Fic plotlines. Poor guy.
Series