Chapter Text
"I hate that we see each other so seldom since you left." Kai’s face is a defiant mask, barely hiding his frustration and anger.
Every word of his accusation hurts Julian to the bones. "I know," is all that he replies. He doesn’t want to ruin the joy of seeing Kai again and he doesn’t want the other members of the national team to listen to them. This is something between them. Only them.
"At least we have some days together now," Kai sighs. "You look good, by the way. A bit pale maybe."
Julian still feels the aftermath of their welcome hug, of Kai’s arms wrapped so tightly around him.
Kai will never be more than a friend to him and that’s what hurts the most.
***
They fall into their usual friendship mode rapidly fast. Every training session, every hour spent with Kai is so intense that Julian starts to regret his decision. Over and over again he tells himself that he has left Leverkusen for a reason. He’s with a strong team now, even if they are struggling, and he doesn’t have to endure Kai’s presence each and every single day during the season.
And still.
He misses him like mad, he misses his jokes, his hugs, his teasing. The days with the national team show Julian what he has lost until he can barely take it any longer.
By the time he has to leave the team, by the time he has to leave Kai, Julian takes an utterly insane decision.
***
"Kai? Do you have a minute?" Julian’s voice sounds unfamiliar in his ears, he can’t deal with his own seriousness.
This is Kai of all people, his best friend.
The man he loves more than anything in the world.
"Hey, what’s up?" Kai asks casually, nudging Marco out of the way.
"Well, I want to tell you something," Julian rambles.
"I’m listening?" Kai replies, raising his eyebrows.
Julian takes deep breaths to get that damn dizziness out of his head. "Not here," he adds like a spy in a lame movie.
Kai tilts his head to the side and shoots him a strange glance. "Are you okay?" he wants to know, wrapping his arm around Julian’s waist. "Come on, I’ll bring you to your room."
Being alone with Kai doesn’t make anything better, on the contrary. Kai throws himself on Julian’s bed, kicking his shoes from his feet. He ignores the mess in Julian’s room, caused by just another sleepless night.
"I…" Julian starts, his mouth suddenly running dry. This is ridiculous, completely ridiculous.
"Spill it out," Kai encourages him, his hand ruffling his dark brown hair. Julian wants nothing more than to restore that hairdo with his own fingers.
Finally, Julian sits down on a chair, facing the wall. He better tells Kai about his plan right here and there, just to be through with it. "I want to buy a flat," he says, only then realizing that he has started with the point that is the least important.
"Cool," Kai replies, of course not getting what Julian wants to say.
"For us."
The words come out of Julian’s mouth by their own and his eyes widen in shock. Now that was rather the sledgehammer approach.
"What?" Kai sits up, about to get to his feet, but Julian tries to stop him with more words. Hastily spoken words.
"I thought that we could have a flat between Leverkusen and Dortmund, where we can hang out or gamble, just the two of us. We could both have an own room and we could meet there whenever we have some time off. Like… a shared apartment. Among friends."
"A shared apartment. Among friends," Kai echoes before he comes to a conclusion. "Are you homesick, Jule?"
"Shit, I’m not. Forget it," Julian mutters, taking a heart. "I just miss you", he adds tonelessly. "I’m an idiot, am I not?"
"Yeah, you are," Kai confirms, finally getting up. „And you will remain an idiot, unless I get the biggest room in our flat."