Chapter Text
Sasuke makes his way to the Hidden Leaf at a slow pace.
He has an audience with the Hokage, though it is still odd to think of his former jonin sensei by that title. The prospect of a meeting with Kakashi after nothing but four years of letters isn’t exactly comforting to him. Not that it is entirely un appealing, either.
He is far from apathetic to Kakashi and his presence, especially now that the chaos and all-consuming thoughts of revenge and war have receded.
The problem is he feels much rather the opposite and even after years on the road, running from almost everything and everyone he’d ever known, he is still unable to find a way to cope with it. He’d made peace with many things over the years, but this is not one of them - there is so much, too much, left unresolved and unsaid between them. After the war Sasuke hadn’t been in the head space to be able to confront Kakashi; he’d been listless and some unproductive combination of guilty and defiant. Kakashi had been swept into war recovery efforts and then being Hokage, and in those early years Team 7 had seen little of him.
The elder man is among few Sasuke can honestly say he respects now, perhaps much more than, and he’d been taken with him in some sense since those nascent days as a team.
Parsing through his feelings for and about Kakashi is a favourite pastime of his, because Sasuke never can leave a wound alone.
In the years since he’d left the first time, he’d thought of Kakashi a lot, only second to Itachi and Naruto. At thirteen, he’d pushed down the pain of realizing Kakashi wasn’t coming for him when he’d left Naruto unconscious at the Valley of the End, clouded only by the anguish of what he’d done to his best friend fresh in his mind. At sixteen, he’d been disappointed when Kakashi hadn’t been among the team Naruto had come with when they’d stormed Orochimaru’s hideout. He’d spent many days after that encounter slashing at makeshift targets with his chidori modifications, imagining a masked face in front of him and the man’s normally detached expression lighting up with some combination of pride and wonder at what he’d accomplished with the legacy he’d passed on to Sasuke. Then, at seventeen, it was the taste of bitter disappointment in knowing that Kakashi was a foot soldier of the village that had taken everything from him and one of her best at that. It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, Kakashi hadn’t known about the massacre’s truth after all, but it had still cut him deeply. The man was ever the symbol of the ideal weapon of the Leaf: loyal, unwavering, mission-oriented. To him, back then, Kakashi and the Leaf were one.
Sasuke could not stay with the Leaf. He’d needed as much space between him and the Leaf as possible.
Still, shame sometimes curls in his stomach even now when he reminisces on the first time he did see Kakashi since leaving the first time, fresh off the killing of Danzo and at his most unhinged. He doesn’t regret killing the village elder and he’d made that abundantly clear since. He does regret the words he’d flung at Kakashi, just as much as those he’d attacked Naruto with. There had been too much there and within him, too many opposing feelings and conflict. His fresh grief about Itachi had entered the very blood in his veins, from those that ran through his hands around his weapons to those infiltrating his slowly blinding eyes. Looking at Naruto had hurt because he’d seen the same hurt reflected back at him, the same feeling of betrayal.
Kakashi though, had steeled his eyes. Sasuke hadn’t just been his precious student, his prodigy, inheritor of his legacy, no; Sasuke in that moment had been a threat. He couldn’t tell if he felt relief that the other man had seemed to finally let him go or grief at it. Thinking of Kakashi had always been like being in a tug of war with his mind and heart and it only ever left his hands raw and rope burned from pulling at pieces of himself.
* * *
When he’d been released from prison one year after his arrest he’d avoided everyone but Naruto, at whose home he’d stayed at. The blonde proved himself a surprisingly thoughtful roommate the entire time he was there. Giving him his space during the days and sticking close in the nights in equal measure as he tried to reorient himself to life, to freedom, to any number of other things he had little interest in at the time. He’d been restless, known he wanted to leave the village but so, so tired. He would allow himself a brief indulgence of the comfort of a bed, regular meals, and the warmth of his closest friend.
A few months after his release, he’d walked into Kakashi’s office at the Hokage Tower. He was forced to be under guard still and he’d had to make an appointment of all things; he’d spared a thought for the poor soul in charge of keeping Kakashi’s time. All in all, the fact that he was allowed to have such an audience made him hopeful his request too would be granted.
He hadn’t seen much of Kakashi since his release, both a result of the man’s packed schedule and his own avoidance. The elder cuts a tall and regal figure in the Hokage’s chair, looking that combination of completely at ease and ready for battle that was uniquely Kakashi. Leadership suited him, no matter how much he might hate it. The elder man had greeted him but Sasuke skipped all pleasantries, his hands curled into anxious fists as his side.
“I need to leave.”
To his credit, Kakashi hadn’t looked a bit surprised.
“Have you told-”
“Naruto knows. We’ve talked about it. He’s not...happy but he understands. He’d like it if you approved an extended leave for him sometime, to come with for a bit. Once I’m...settled.”
“Well, I suppose if anyone deserves a vacation...though knowing you two it wouldn’t consist of a nice beach-side retreat.”
Sasuke waited as Kakashi pondered the idea. He took the time to look around the office, piled high with stacks of papers and books but otherwise neat. It wasn’t unlike Kakashi’s apartment had been all those years ago, sparse in the way most jonins’ were given how often they were away.
“I can’t say yes or no now,” Kakashi had finally said, sounding more tired than Sasuke had ever heard him, “I’m not able to just hand out big decisions without consultations. Especially where you’re concerned. They think I dote on you too much already.”
Don’t you? He’d wanted to ask. He never did understand why Kakashi hadn’t been harsher on him since coming back. It seemed he wasn’t the only one avoiding things.
“I understand.”
“And it will be dangerous. I will try to make safe passage for you but there are likely to be bounties out for your head and not every country and hidden village has cleared your warrants yet.”
At Sasuke’s pointed look Kakashi sighs.
“But of course you’ve considered all this. Very well. I’ll let you know as soon as a decision is made.”
Sasuke had nodded his thanks. He’d paused, expecting some more resistance, a personal appeal. He had expected Kakashi to try and guilt him into staying. It wasn’t as though the emotion wasn’t in him already, all Kakashi would have to do is dig and tug hard enough. But it seemed Kakashi might be through with trying. The idea hadn't given him as much satisfaction as he’d thought it would.
He’d inclined his head one last time, holding the words piling up behind his teeth like rubble in a landslide, and walked out of the office.
* * *
After Naruto, Kakashi was the one he’d kept in contact with the most during his time away. He’d been expected to keep Kakashi, as the Hokage , up to date on his location and had sent hawks with updates as he’d moved from place to place. Before long, he found himself writing the occasional update to Kakashi personally in between, usually brief but occasionally with the added unnecessary detail of something he thought the man would find interesting. He hadn’t expected to miss the man, but there he was thinking of him more than he was comfortable with.
Kakashi’s replies were only slightly less succinct, hints of his dry humor and veiled concern coming through. Sometimes, he’d send responses in the form of terrible haikuus. Sasuke suspects from Naruto’s much longer letters that these are the days he’s being especially evasive of Shikamaru and Shizune and the never ending schedule of meetings to attend and documents to sign. Sasuke keeps each one, sealed in a scroll.
At some point, Sasuke started sending books. He knew Jiraiya’s exaggerated erotica wasn’t the only thing the elder man read. He’d been in his home as a genin and seen the tall bookshelves with stacks of various volumes lining the walls. At the time he’d wondered at why Kakashi would walk around with the cheesy erotica in his hands when he’d had so many other, more publicly acceptable options to choose from. He came to realize later how much it all was a part of Kakashi’s carefully constructed walls. So he sent books on ninjutsu, on healing, fiction in various genres, and books filled with photography from the places he would visit.
In turn, Kakashi would send him non-perishable food or other practical items he may need replenished as he traveled. He never sent Sasuke sweets, and once he’d sent a packet of tomato seeds.
If you end up putting down roots somewhere, the note had said, though I hope wherever you do is close by.
* * *
Naruto had gone ahead of him to the village while Sasuke had chosen a more scenic route. He needs the time for himself, to think about what he wants next, without his closest friend near him to influence his decisions. Naruto doesn’t pressure him to come back to the village any more but even his presence can sometimes sway Sasuke when he admittedly does want to be near him. It is simply a wrench in his desires that Naruto comes with the Leaf and all its trappings.
And not only Naruto…
Kakashi is expecting him, which is why the ANBU at each checkpoint let him pass without so much as a glance, not that they could really stop him if they tried. He’d been tempted to just show up at the window like the elder had during his genin days, but thought it better to announce himself given how long it had been since he’d been back. It is late and none of Kakashi’s aides are around so he opens the door to the office with a knock.
Kakashi is sitting with his back to the door when Sasuke shuts it behind him, feet propped up on the window ledge as he reads through something. He doesn’t need to turn or even hear the gait of Sasuke’s walk to know it’s him, their chakra signatures are as familiar to each other as their own. Sasuke’s hadn’t fully developed when they’d first met, a small crackle and spark associated with both flame and lightning, until Kakashi’s influence had made it sharpen into something more electric. Kakashi’s own chakra is a barely grounded livewire and Sasuke can feel its heavy presence in the office, unsuppressed now, at once familiar and unsettling. It is something that hasn’t changed despite time and distance away.
“Sasuke, have a seat. There’s tea.”
Kakashi’s voice sounds the same as it always has; languid, smooth. The same slouchy posture and casually flopping hair. When he spins around in his chair and places a quick signature on the document he’s finished reading, Sasuke can see his eyes. They look tired and it’s the only part of him that has really aged since their genin days. Kakashi had always taken good care of himself, more for the Leaf than his own benefit, one of her finest weapons. He’s even still wearing a version of the standard jonin gear, never having replaced it when he’d risen to the seat of Hokage.
Ever the soldier , Sasuke thinks, not unkindly. Kakashi was born a soldier and that's all he knows. Sometimes, Sasuke pities him.
Kakashi had been pushed into being Hokage the same way he’d been pushed into becoming a jounin squad leader, and ANBU before that, and not for the first time Sasuke wonders if the man has ever done anything for himself.
When he lifts his head and stands though, his eyes warm up and he walks around his desk to lean against it in front of where Sasuke has sat.
Kakashi clasps his shoulder and it’s perfectly casual; welcoming him home. Sasuke isn’t just any random shinobi though and he feels the gentle tightening of his grip and the brush of a rough thumb against the side of Sasuke’s neck. Kakashi isn’t the most physical person, but it’s an assurance, Sasuke knows. He did the same with Naruto in the years since the war, touching just for the sake of it - though it was mostly Naruto initiating and Sasuke leaning into it. An arm slung over a shoulder as they walked, knees bumping as they settled down for sleep, helping each other up after spars. Shinobi are a suspicious bunch and feeling is believing. Touch, even the most casual, is incredibly intimate among people who often kill and maim for a living.
Sasuke might have been especially reticent in the years since the war but he holds himself still for Kakashi in a way he wouldn’t for anyone else but Naruto, letting the man drop his hand from its place close to his vulnerable neck in his own time. If he’s honest with himself, it’s not a hardship. As two people with an affinity for animals and loyal summons, this is an instinctual language they can both understand.
You’re here, you’re back. You’re alive.
“You look well,” Kakashi says then, crossing his arms, “So did Naruto when I saw him. The trip did you both good?”
Sasuke knows he looks far different than he had when he’d left, his body taller and broader though lean in the way nomads are. His skin is a hint darker and with the healthy flush of exertion. Even his hair is longer, strands hiding his Rinnegan.
“Yes. It was what we both needed.”
Kakashi nods, “Good. Thank you for looking after him. Not that he needs it. And for coming back. I know it wasn’t easy...I wasn’t sure you’d accept my request.”
Sasuke sighs, he hadn’t really been ready to come back but neither was he ready to be isolated again and he didn’t have a plan for what to do next. He’d figured Kakashi’s request would buy him some time to think, if nothing else. He takes a sip of his tea, noting with some surprise that it’s the blend he’d liked best of those Kakashi had sent over the years. He’d told him so in a letter some months back.
“Only because you asked,” he says, surprising even himself with his honesty, adding hastily, “And it was time for Naruto to return. Figured I would visit.”
“Well, whatever your reasons, you’re here now. I’m glad. Why don’t we talk tomorrow. You’ve had a long journey,” he says pointedly looking at Sasuke’s dusty cape. He reaches up to Sasuke’s hair and Sasuke stills, heart in his throat. He feels a swipe through the strands and then Kakashi’s hand is coming away and holding up a leaf. He allows himself a small smile.
“Point taken.”
Kakashi laughs softly.
“You staying at Naruto’s I presume?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Go on then, come back tomorrow. Lunch time. I’ll have someone bring us food and we can talk.”
He keeps to the rooftops on his way to Naruto’s new apartment, homing in on the comforting chakra like a beacon. He slides in through the open window and into the kitchen where the blonde is standing at the stove wearing obnoxious looking pajamas and humming a tune off-key.
The unit is larger and much nicer than the one the jinchuriki lived in after the war, which had been more a temporary dwelling as the village had been rebuilt. It’s more modern than Sasuke is expecting and he feels a nostalgia for his old family home and it’s traditional touches as he takes in the sleek countertops and new appliances.
“Still nothing resembling security, dumbass? You could at least throw up a few barrier seals...”
Naruto grins at him over his shoulder, he’s stirring a pot of something Sasuke hopes is edible on the stove.
“I knew it was you bastard, ‘s why I left the window open. You’d never have gotten past the village gates if you were an enemy.”
“Hn. Sure.”
Naruto turns off the stove, walking over and hugging Sasuke tightly. He leans back slightly to cup the back of Sasuke’s head and press their foreheads together. Their breathing synchronizes. It had become their customary greeting after long separations. Sasuke feels the sense of grounding and calm he’d come to associate with the affectionate ritual, like all the wayward pieces of him are becoming tethered.
“It’s only been a week, you baby,” Sasuke murmurs. He puts his arm around his friend anyway.
“I know. I missed you.”
Sasuke flushes. They’d never been dishonest about their feelings but Naruto’s way of articulating things so damn earnestly always makes him feel like he is all of five years old again. He wishes they’d had this easy affection when they were so young. He wishes they had many things, back then.
“Hm,” the blonde hums, pulling back and tugging on a lock of Sasuke’s hair, “You’re all dusty, ya know? Windy out there?”
“You flatter me.”
Naruto laughs like a bell and Sasuke smiles, unclasping his cloak.
“Go shower, asshole. And leave all your clothes here, I’ll get ‘em cleaned. You have others right? You can borrow mine if it doesn’t kill you to wear colour. Oh and I made dinner. At least I hope I did, but we can always go out for something if this doesn’t work out, there’s this new 24 hour store downstairs…”
As he listens affectionately to Naruto’s babbling he thinks back to Kakashi.
He doesn’t know precisely what the elder wants to talk to him about.
He dreads the elder man asking him to stay.
He also dreads that he won’t.
* * *
The next afternoon they share lunch in Kakashi’s office and the elder doesn’t bring up whatever he’s actually there for until they are done with the meal. During, he asks more about Sasuke’s travels, thanks him for the books, asks after his arm (or lack of it) and generally sounds like Sasuke would expect a politician speaking to a guest would. He shifts, frustrated at the superficial topics but also not knowing if he wants a more intimate conversation. He isn’t ready for it, anyway.
“So,” Kakashi finally segues, deep voice deceptively casual, “Have you given any thought to what you will do next?”
“I enjoy travelling…” he says carefully, “but it’s not sustainable to do it full-time.”
“And have you given thought to where you might settle down, or what to do with the Uchiha district?”
“I won’t live in the village,” he says immediately, “But...I will allow the Uchiha lands to be used if the purpose is one I find suitable. Naruto has some good ideas.”
“Okay. Understood,” Kakashi pauses here, before continuing cautiously, “Would you be agreeable to staying close?”
“How close?” Sasuke questions, eyes narrowing. It figures Kakashi already has something in mind. He isn’t about to be guilted into staying in the Hidden Leaf. Kakashi can be as manipulative as the best of them when he wants to be, even if it isn’t with ill intent, and he steels himself for an argument.
“I know we would love to have you near...Naruto needs you, wants you here. You need him just as much. And I know even if you don’t precisely want to stay in the village, you want to be near him too. Sakura and I would appreciate seeing you more often, as well. However, I do respect the position you are in and the feelings you hold against the village and many in it. I am hoping we can compromise.”
“The Hidden Leaf doesn’t deserve fucking compromise,” Sasuke says dryly, looking off to the side where busts of the former Kage line the shelves.
“Maybe not. But I’m hoping you will hear me out, and consider this anyway, for yourself.”
Kakashi opens a drawer and pulls out a map, unfolding it on the desk and pointing to an area circled in red.
“There is some land I’ve managed to secure just outside the village. Used to be a surveillance outpost but with the advances in security technology we don’t need an actively manned one anymore. It’s private and quiet and removed from the village, but not too far, you would have no trouble visiting often if you wished. Or not. It’s yours if you want it.”
He pushes the map over, and Sasuke eyes the plot mapped out a few miles outside the village gates. It’s large enough for a comfortably sized home and grounds to surround it.
“Just like that? I’m not about to work for the village just for a patch of dirt, Kakashi. No matter how large.”
Kakashi looks amused, only Sasuke can call one of the most coveted green spaces near the village a patch of dirt and look serious doing it.
“You won’t have to work for the village. You can think of yourself as a consultant, in a sense. We may ask for your insight and if you’re willing to help with special missions you can, with the normal compensation. If you find your contributions become regular we can give you a retainer. But that won’t be tied to your ownership of this land. The daimyo sees the benefit in having you remain in Fire Country. He and the reformed council also...recognize you are owed something. Particularly if you are allowing us use of the Uchiha lands.”
Sasuke considers Kakashi, not breaking eye contact. The man gives away nothing, as usual. To think people assume Sasuke is the emotional black box of Team 7.
“And you? Where do you stand?” he asks softly, feeling exposed.
“I hope you choose to take the offer.”
Kakashi would hope so, in his role as a diplomat and Hokage, as a soldier of the nation Sasuke had been born to. But Sasuke isn’t interested in his stance as any of those.
“For Naruto? Or the village?” he presses, more pointedly meeting Kakashi’s gaze.
It’s good for Sasuke that Kakashi has always been good at reading between the lines. The elder man’s eyes soften, just slightly.
“Like I said, I would appreciate having you in my life, Sasuke. Assuming you want the same. I want you to have a place you can call home. And I hope it’s somewhere I might be welcome sometimes.”
He ponders this. He’d enjoyed his time alone and it had been what he’d needed on many levels, but he quickly surmised he couldn’t live his whole life that way. Nor did he want to. His time with Naruto had been pleasant too and he wouldn’t mind travelling either way again but it certainly isn’t something he wants to live every day, day and night. He’d done wrong in many ways but there are other things he refuses to atone for and he’d spent his life chasing, suffering, angry. He’d chosen to live - would it be so wrong if he wants peace, contentment and, dare he think, happiness? The thought of not seeing Naruto for years on end is unappealing. And he does care about Sakura and Kakashi, too. He shoves down the small voice inside him that reminds him his feelings for Kakashi might surpass simple caring.
“I’ll consider it seriously.”
He sees Kakashi’s eyes relax, a sigh escaping him as he nods, “Okay. I’m glad, Sasuke. You can take your time, take a look at it.”
He leaves soon after, following the map to the space outlined in the forest. It takes him nearly two hours by foot at a leisurely walking pace.
It is tucked away, in a clearing surrounded by tall trees and wild plants. From here, he cannot hear the sounds of the village or even see it’s outline. There is space enough for a comfortably sized house and what he can imagine as a lush garden, not unlike the grounds of his childhood home. He closes his eyes, taking in the soft sounds of nature, a rabbit in the bushes, cicadas and small snakes in the grass, frogs in the river nearby. With a start, he looks at the map again and realizes it’s the Naka River running by. He doesn’t know whether to curse or hug the copy nin for that.
He sends a hawk to Kakashi that evening, accepting the offer.