Chapter Text
“I can’t see your star.” James complains, staring up at the night sky through his round glasses.
Regulus hides a fond smile in the corners of his mouth before speaking, “we’ve been over this, you can’t see it until early spring.”
James groans. “But that’s ages away.”
“It’s a couple of months at most. And besides, you’ve got plenty of other stars to keep you entertained in the meantime. Look, there’s Sirius.” Regulus says as he raises his hand to point at the star in question, peering sideways to find James’ eyes trained on the movement. He smirks.
“I suppose,” James replies after he tears his gaze away. “But I much prefer you, if I’m honest.”
“Don’t you mean my star?”
“No.”
That’s the first inclination that tells Regulus immediately that this is a dream. James Potter does not prefer anyone over his precious Sirius Black - his Padfoot (whatever the fuck that means), and even if he did, he most certainly wouldn’t say it out loud, always too frightened to damage his best friend’s painfully large ego.
Regulus doesn’t exactly blame him, though, purely because for a long time, he felt exactly the same way. Sirius was the only person Regulus ever truly loved unconditionally. Through all the rows with his parents that only ever ended with both brothers covered in tears, blood and bruises, Sirius was always there to help pick up the pieces. The pieces of Regulus that his parents would carelessly tarnish and smash every time he stepped out of line. Sirius was always quick to jump to his defence when their mother got that dangerous glint in her eyes that was always swiftly followed by a backhand to the face or a clip to the side of the head. Sirius was always there to help put him back together afterwards. Sirius was his.
And then he wasn’t.
Just a few months before his twelfth birthday, Sirius had been sent off to a fancy boarding school in Scotland, and just like that, Regulus was alone. Alone in a big, dark house with stuffy rooms and ugly carpets and parents who didn’t care for him beyond how he could boost their status. The shield Sirius had been between him and his parents was so much more prominent when he was no longer there; whenever Regulus had slipped up and done something foolish like rest his elbows on the table at mealtimes or laugh too loudly at a social event, Sirius would step in like the brave big brother he was and do something so much more outlandish that their parents’ fury would automatically be projected onto him.
When Sirius left, he took the shield with him, leaving Regulus with nothing to defend himself against his parents’ wrath.
But that was all okay, it was forgivable. Because it wasn’t as if Sirius had chosen to leave Regulus. Regulus could forgive him for leaving. What he could not forgive him for, however, was replacing him. The following Christmas, only mere months since Regulus had seen him last, his brother had come home with his face plastered into a huge grin and eyes lit up in pure excitement. At first, Regulus had been stupid enough to think that excitement was for him, but as soon as Sirius opened his mouth and started talking, Regulus had felt his heart sink. Suddenly, he found he couldn't forgive Sirius for leaving anymore.
“And he’s an incredible footie player too Reg, both of us are gonna try out for the team next year, I think.”
‘Footie’?! Since when did Sirius refer to football as ‘footie’?! God, what was this school doing to him?
“Plus, he’s like, really clever too. Not as clever as me, obviously, but pretty close I’d say. Imagine if we both make the team, too. I reckon we could go pro as soon as we leave school. Both got what it takes; charisma, good looks, and skills. Plus, we’re both total lady-magnets, which I’d say is about ninety percent of being a football player anyway--”
“And what, pray tell, is this golden boy’s name?” Regulus cut in sharply, but Sirius only beamed at him.
James Potter. James fucking Potter.
Regulus hated him.
In all the scenarios he came up with day to day, Regulus had not once thought of one where Sirius could replace him. After all, no one could really replace their family, as much as they might try to. But that’s the thing, Sirius didn’t even try to, James filling in for Regulus had seemed to come so easily for him that he didn’t even have to try. It made ten-year-old Regulus’s blood boil. Nowadays it was simply irritating.
So when he boarded the Hogwarts Express the following year, Regulus had planned out how it would go at least a hundred times. He would go in, avoid his brother’s insane friends, and be especially cruel to James Potter, just for good measure.
His plan completely collapsed approximately two seconds after the train compartment doors slid open, however, and he saw James Potter staring back at him with round, chestnut eyes and a lopsided grin.
Regulus’s breath had caught, eyes trailing over James whilst he tried and failed to will his heartbeat back to its normal rate. James had stood, his skin shining a marvelous bronze against the sun’s rays that seemed to pour through the window just for him, as he ran a hand through his messy, brunette hair. He’d adjusted his circular golden glasses that were sliding down his crooked nose before extending his hand and smiling brightly.
“Hi, I’m James! You must be Reggie-- sorry, Regulus. Sirius told us a lot about you.” He had said cheerfully, his lovely voice was tinged with lilts of both English and Indian accents, and every few words he'd alternate between them, seemingly subconsciously. It was likely the result of being away from his home country for too long, but to a young Regulus, it had seemed so extraordinary - so unique - as he had spent the majority of his childhood being sheltered from any cultures except his own by his parents. It was the first, and certainly not the last, time that Regulus had felt James Potter open his eyes to the world around him. But the world could wait, especially when James Potter was here, standing before Regulus in a train carriage in London, with a bright smile across his face and a question in his equally bright eyes. A question, an offering, a hope, of friendship. Regulus still couldn't find it within himself to respond to it. He could only hope James would wait for him.
No one said his name quite like James did. No one said it with such unbiased earnest. Like it mattered, like he mattered. Sure, he knew he had people like Sirius who said his name all the time with nothing but kindness, but for some reason he felt (or rather, he hoped) it meant more with James.
Looking back, Regulus never really stood a chance.
Regulus has spent the following four years utterly enamored with his brother’s best friend. Not his proudest moment, but certainly not one he regrets. Especially when it results in peaceful dreams where they lay side by side in the long grass, staring up at the stars and speaking softly to each other without a care in the world. Speaking of which,
Regulus sighs, “I wish you were like this in real life.”
“What do you mean?” James turns his head towards him, a crease forming between his eyebrows that Regulus immediately wants to smooth out.
I wish you were in love with me. Regulus thinks pathetically.
“You do realise I can read your thoughts here, right?” James asks with a smirk.
“Creep.” Regulus mutters, his eyes fluttering shut.
“Heading back to the real world already?” He hears James ask.
Regulus shrugs. “No point staying in a place where things aren’t real. It’ll only hurt more when I leave.”
“Learn that the hard way?”
“You know I did. You were there.”
“Well sure, I was there, but the real James was sleeping peacefully, probably dreaming about some girl. Lily Evans, maybe--”
“Fuck off.” Regulus grumbles, opening his eyes to give James a shove. He chuckles, the noise sending a familiar warm feeling coursing through Regulus’s body.
“Hey I only speak the truth, you know that.”
“Well do me a favour and tell me a lie, then.”
James pushes himself up and leans on his side against his elbow, peering down at Regulus through his long eyelashes. He trails his knuckles across Regulus’s jaw and the younger boy tries desperately to suppress a shudder. Smirking, James leans in until his lips are close enough to graze the bottom of his ear.
“I’m in love with you, Regulus.” He murmurs roughly. Regulus swallows shakily, and before he even has a chance to take another fucking breath--
Regulus opens his eyes.