Chapter Text
5th Week
This isn't what was supposed to happen.
This was supposed to be a friends-with-benefits-fling-thing. This is how her world got turned upside down.
She feels the blood leave her head and sinks down onto her knees and hands, feeling bile rise up her throat. She turns to face the toilet and throws up. Shock? Or hormones? Hard to say.
She feels lightheaded and nauseous, her breath is starting to hitch, her limbs are tingling and she knows – this might turn into a full blown panic attack.
This little stick is what fucked up everything. Well, the plus is.
Still clutching to the piece of plastic, she concentrates on focusing chakra into her womb to verify what the pregnancy-test was suggesting.
And then she knows, there is no mistaking it. She has had her fair share of pregnant women to care for that she knows exactly what to look for. She is indeed pregnant.
Shit.
6th Week
She thought about it. A fucking lot.
That doesn't mean she knows what to do though.
The only thing Sakura does know is that she has to tell him. There was no way around it, he deserves to know.
What she also knows by now is that he has already moved on, and she can’t blame him. Their little fling was nothing more than stress-relief, a ways of gaining comfort and companionship in lonely times, absolutely no strings attached. They had agreed that this was supposed to serve as a stress-relief, something to gain comfort and companionship from when they felt lonely, absolutely no strings attached.
When she found out she stopped seeking him out, and so did he. When she didn't turn up at his door anymore, he might have understood it as a sign that their…thing was over.
He might have thought that she had found someone else, but he didn't ask any questions and so their benefits stopped, their friendship continued – more or less. This is what they agreed upon. This was what was supposed to happen, minus her getting pregnant.
Sakura shakes her head in frustration, combing her slim fingers through pink hair.
She knows he started seeing other women shortly after, if her gossiping subordinates and the rumors they were spreading was anything to go by. He couldn't be blamed, she figured, he was not obligated to her but still, she would be lying if she said that it didn't sting at least a tiny bit that he moved on so quickly.
Two weeks have passed since she found out.
She throws up regularly and feels nauseous about every kind of fish.
Clickinh the pen in her hand anxiously her mind strays into another direction. An unpleasant one, one she has been in countless times by now: it's not too late for an abortion. She considered it numerous times now, as an option. Being 23 years old, having finally found purpose as head-medic and being a well-respected Jonin of Konoha she feels as if her life clicked into place at last.
Her work would not really mingle well with being a single mom. Being a Kunoichi is dangerous, every day on active duty could be her last, as dramatic as it might sound.
Did she really want to bring a child into her life when she herself could be ripped from it any day?
Then, being one of two head-medics also comes with a lot of work, a lot of night-shifts, a lot of working overtime. As of right now, her life was the opposite of baby-friendly.
On the other hand, the nurses on their coffee breaks did have a point when they gossiped among themselves, sharing the occasional phrase of wisdom such as, that there are no right circumstances for a baby. There were tons of single moms. Who said that she couldn't do it? She would have to request to be removed from active duty and into the office and organization department. She wouldn't have to be on the field and could still fulfill her duties as a kunoichi of Konoha.
She sighs, slumping over on her desk, dotting her notepad with doodles flowers of different sizes.
She would have to cut back on her medic-shifts, make time for a baby, take maternity-leave. It wouldn't be impossible, and she knows that wherever her friends could support her, they would, but that still didn't bring any light into what the father might think or want.
Him being the current Hokage doesn’t do a thing to lessen the rather scandalous aspect of their situation – even if he is still very much unaware of her predicament.
Him being her former teacher with an age gap of a whopping 14 years did even less so. Despite his well-known reputation as philandering, always-late, chaotic and elusive shinobi, he is still very well respected and loved by the people of Konoha. They look to him for protection and support.
If it was to be known that he impregnated his former student that might set off a shift of dynamics and loyalties towards him.
Then again, he is also known to give as little fucks as he could muster about what people thought about him.
She has to tell him, one way or another.
Scribbling over all of the carefully drawn flowers in frustration she wonders how he will react once she tells him, and if he'd want to be part of this little family should she decide to keep it.
Would he try to talk her out of having an abortion, should she decide to have one?
Would he try to talk her into having an abortion?
A resigned sigh leaves her body as she lets her head drop into her hands and starts to massage her temples.
She's been in her office for 6 hours now and she's done nothing besides mulling over her future and all the choices she'd have to make within the next few days. Frustration seeps from the back of her neck down into her chest and once again teart start to trickle down her cheeks and onto the medical reports she should be checking.
Seemingly out of nowhere thoughts start play behind her eyes, about him, gingerly holding a tiny human bundle to his chest, taking the child out to get some ice cream, their child running after and being chased by a pack of excited ninken. Then she pictures herself as a single mother, being permanently responsible for a baby, a child, a teenager. Caring for it when he or she is sick, being there for their first steps, their first day at the academy, after their first mission, after their first heart-break.
She thinks back to her own childhood and her own teenage years, the struggles she herself had to endure and the dangers she had to face. Those were hard times, and she doesn’t think that any of that would be easier for her unborn child.
She sees her younger self, coming home from a mission. Beaten, bloody and close to tears would she returned home to her parents and her mother, usually so fierce, would smile gently at her and wordlessly take her into her arms. The feelings of warmth and love engulfing her. None of the stress of that day would ever disappear, but knowing her mother would always be there to catch her made it more bearable. She sighs and takes the time to cherish the memories of her deceased parents.
And that is when Sakura knows, she wants to be that mother. She wants to be that person her child could come home to, knowing that no matter what she would love and protect them unconditionally.
She will have this baby, with or without him.
She’s in love with it already and she can’t bear the thought of erasing something that is half her. And half Kakashi.
12th Week
She's starting to show.
After showering she now takes her time putting on clothes, stopping in front of the big mirror in her bedroom and turning from one side to the other, tracing the small curve on body with her hands, wondering who's in there and what they might look like.
She has started to wear increasingly loose dresses and shirts, anything really that conceals her small bump and that doesn’t give away that anything has changed in the past three months. And changed she has.
The morning sickness has become less but her breasts have started to feel tender and they had grown visibly. She might even need to buy new bras soon.
Ino knows she is hiding something, but she doesn’t know what yet. Right now, her latest guess is either a hot loverboy or a definitive and major change concerning hospital structures.
Since she only drinks occasionally and never a lot, her friends don’t notice that she stopped consuming alcohol altogether. Naruto asked her to accompany him to his training sessions because they didn't get to spend a lot of time together anymore, with her working so much and him having fully entered Iruka's and Kakashi's training schedule for becoming Hokage.
Until now she succeeded in making excuses to him that she was constantly swamped in paperwork or surgeries and therefore wasn't able to make it.
The only one who knows is Shizune, Sakura told her in confidence. She doesn't know about the father though, even though Sakura is fairly sure that she might have made an educated guess.
She doesn't ask any questions, unless it’s about her and her baby's medical condition and Sakura knows to appreciate the discretion.
Shizune, now in on the secret, also tries to distribute Sakura’s workload onto other reliable medics, and God knows Sakura needs it – she is constantly tired and hungry, sometimes angry, and much to her regret she sometimes lashes out at her colleagues and friends. But seeing as she always had a bit of a temper, they don’t question it much.
Kakashi still doesn't know. If he suspects something, he is hiding it very well, when she meets him at the weekly council meeting.
Sometimes she catches him in his office alone, whenever she drops by to file in confidential medical reports. He never forfeits the chance to give her a little smile and have the littlest of small talks, if just for him to postpone his own dreaded paperwork for a few moments. She's been so close to telling him a few times now, but she never really gets to it, and Sakura is angry at herself for always chickening out.
She wants him to know before he figures it out on his own just because of her being a walking balloon.