Work Text:
Seth Holds a Surprise Inspection of His Monologue Writers in August 2019
[110.245 views] [Late Night with Seth Meyers]
Seth Meyers: People are getting ready for fall, they are getting their kids ready for school and that includes my writers. You know, they have to write hundreds of jokes every day just to get the 10 or 12 we use in the monologue. And honestly, a lot of those jokes just aren't good. Sometimes I think they throw in a few stinkers on purpose just to fill the page and meet the assignment.
But just because sweater weather is right around the corner, that doesn't mean we can tolerate laziness, which means it's time for another "Surprise Inspection."
[Jingle starts to play]
Here's how this works. I'm going to read some real jokes really submitted by my writers. Some are dumb. Some are offensive. Some are just insane. Most importantly, my writers don't know we're doing this. And because they don't watch the show, they'll never know.
Let’s get started!
Today was World Mosquito Day, but I don't have all the deets.
[A small laugh from the audience.]
Which is a bad joke for so many reasons. One, why would I have the deets? That was Matt Goldich who wrote that.
[A picture of a young man pops up next to Seth]
Our "cool guy" writer.
[The graphics change to an antique statue.]
Authorities in Italy are looking for a young woman who was caught in a video kissing, humping, and grinding on a statue of Bacchus.
To be fair, he was already rock hard.
[Laughter, cheers and applause. Seth shakes his head]
Okay. By encouraging him, you're abetting a crime.
That was written by Bryan Donaldson right there.
[A picture of a different man pops up. Seth tries to hide his smile. The graphics change to a picture of Bill Clinton]
This might be a surprising one:
Today was former president Bill Clinton's 72nd birthday.
So now it's some candles' turn to get blown.
[The audience groans and laughs at the same time. The room is split. Seth is delighted by the outcome.]
Now that’s a Tozier joke if I know one.
[A picture of Richie Tozier pops up next to Seth. It’s a paparazzi shot of him mid sneeze during his time in Derry waiting for the investigation to close. Richie has a scruffy beard, wild hair and looks dead tired.
Seth turns to the camera to address it]
And I bailed you out of jail for this?
[The audience laughs shocked. They seem to be unsure if Seth is telling the truth and Richie really wrote that joke. They also seem taken aback by Seth mentioning such a dark topic as Richie’s justified homicide.]
Legally I have to say, I did not bail out Richie Tozier. I’m still not sure if he’s innocent.
[The audience lets out another shocked laughter. Seth grins even wider.]
Also can we talk about this picture for a moment? When we chose it I thought it was funny, now looking at it, it feels a bit mean. He might not deserve that for the murder, but he definitely deserves it for his jokes. Trust me.
[The graphics change to a picture of a garbage can.]
New York Mayor Bill de Blasio this week unveiled the city's first official trash bins.
And they are Queens and Staten Island.
[Scattered applause, booing and laughter.]
No. Come on. I'm just kidding, Queens.
[The audience laughs about that quip.
Seth wordlessly points at Richie’s picture popping up.]
Tozier.
[The audience laughs in recognition.]
-
r/StandUpComedy
[u/raisinthoughts]
Richie Tozier works for Seth Meyers?
Question/Discussion
Hi guys, I just watched the latest ‘Surprise Inspection’ segment on Seth Meyers’ show where he reads bad jokes his writers submitted and Richie Tozier popped up several times as one of his writers. It didn’t feel like a bit. Do you guys think Tozier is really working as a staff writer there? I know he hasn’t been seen in public since the investigation in Derry and cancelled all upcoming projects but I thought he was based in LA. Any thoughts?
u/dodgerfan92
There have been rumours that Richie is playing small comedy clubs in New York for a couple of months now. A friend of mine claimed he saw him do a set at Rafifi wearing sunglasses. Also apparently he cut (and maybe dyed?) his hair and went on under a different name which was clearly a joke. (I think it was something like Toenails McTiddles) My friend claims it was a really weird set for him, he’s clearly in the early stages of trying things out and he might partly do it in character (like the Andy Kaufman/Tony Clifton bit maybe?)
u/NYpitz
I know that Seht and Richie are old friends. They were part of the famous ‘Boom Chicago’ improv group in Amsterdam in the 90s and they were at SNL together for the one season Richie was on the show. I have heard Seth claim in podcasts that Richie is one of the funniest people he knows.
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| u/YellowPrickRoad
| He was credited as a writer on one of the Documentary Now! episodes too
u/Fu90Sl
It’s an open secret that Tozier works with ghost writers and basically doesn’t work on his sets anymore. One of the reasons his material feels so stale IMO. His last couple of acts were really bad and nothing compared to his earlier stuff. If this is true it would mean that he has genuine talent as a writer. Honestly I would be interested in what he comes up with. He always seemed better suited for improv but he definitely has potential he hasn’t fulfilled yet.
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Richie Tozier Stand Up 02.19.20
[12.032 views] [Clement Porter]
Comments:
Usudubi
never thought i’d see trashmouth tozier as a blonde
myNamejfff
damn as someone with a disabled sister his comments on hospitals and recovery really hit hard. Did not expect his material to be this vulnerable but it really works. I like that he seems back to his roots
daddyissues883
I hope he’s okay. Everyone here talks about him doing new material and how interesting it is, but compared to the way he usually acted in public he seems really beat down. He has always been hyperactive and loud, so to see him subdued and his delivery be so sober feels weird. Don’t know if this is the real him or the other way around, but I hope he is doing okay. Whatever he is going through in regards to hospitals and traumatic injuries seems to be pretty serious.
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“Christopher Walken” tells Seth about his New Covid Hobbies
[1.3 million views] [Late Night with Seth Meyers]
Seth Meyers: One thing the pandemic brought with it is the fact that even Hollywood stars have to go through the same constrictions and fears as the rest of us. Here to tell us about his experience living through troubling times is Christopher Walken!
[The band starts a song to greet their guest. A small smattering of applause is heard. Due to the Covid pandemic, there is no studio audience present, just the crew. Richie Tozier walks out onto the Late Night set wearing a wig with grey hair and an ill fitting suit. He nods at Seth and sits down at the end of the couch as far away from the host as possible.]
Richie Tozier (in his normal voice): Snoopy, before we start this bit I have to say something.
[Seth laughs right away, obviously delighted that Richie isn’t even attempting to do the pre planned sketch.]
Seth Meyers: What’s that?
Richie Tozier: I don’t feel great about this.
[Richie tries to straighten his tie.]
Seth Meyers: Why is that?
Richie Tozier: I get that the pandemic makes it hard to have in person interviews and that it’s funny to make someone dress up like a star and just pretend they are here. My issue is that you chose Christopher Walken.
Seth Meyers: Why? Can’t you do a Walken?
Richie Tozier: Everyone does a Walken! I’m sure even you do a Walken! Let me hear it.
Seth Meyers: I don’t…
Richie Tozier: C’mon Seth!
Seth Meyer: Alright. (In a bad Christopher Walken voice) I get where you are coming from…
Richie Tozier: That’s Kermit.
Seth Meyers: Well, that’s why we got you to do the Walken bit.
Richie Tozier: It just makes me feel cheap. Like you think I couldn’t do something more challenging. You know, I have a great talent here and all I get is Walken? I do a Mulaney, I do a mean Ellen and a great MLK.
[Seth bursts out laughing.]
Seth Meyers: I really don’t think that’s a good idea.
Richie Tozier: Next time then.
Seth Meyers: Sure. Now Mister Walken, I heard you picked up a new hobby during the pandemic.
Richie Tozier (in a perfect Christopher Walken voice): Yeah that’s right.
[Seth bursts out laughing again.]
Comments:
peterKliff
please tell me this will be a recurring bit! Seth and Richie are SO FUNNY together omg
Mets4go
Richie Tozier: doesn’t want to do his Walken impression
Also Richie Tozier: does the best Walken I’ve ever heard
bearhug1999
based on seth’s reaction at least half of that wasn’t scripted. this makes me really sad that trashmouth was fired from snl so early, imagine what he could have done! I get that they had other impressionists but he is so quick. I can totally see his background in improv
soofievegas
I really needed that laugh. How did I not know Richie Tozier is this funny? Also he looks great without the glasses. Thank you to Seth and the team for keeping us sane!
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A24 greenlights Richie Tozier project
Richie Tozier is slated to star in his own A24 movie directed by indie director Anton Yanopovic. Tozier is also credited as the sole screenwriter. SNL alums Kristen Wiig and Tim Meadows are signed up to co-star. Production is set to start early next year.
The film is rumoured to have horror and thriller elements. The movie will see Tozier take on his first lead in a non comedic role.
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[Instagram picture of a poster with Richie Tozier wearing sunglasses and his now famous blonde hair. He is doing a mic drop. His picture is black and white with a strong contrast, giving it a bit of 70s retro style, combined with the yellow and orange poster colours. The title across the poster reads ‘The Truth! I Want Nothing But Your Tooth!’ Underneath a list of tour dates and cities.]
TrashmouthTozier: Get your tickets now! Quickly before the whole thing gets cancelled again. I promise to tell nothing but the truth (and the occasional lie). Have fun and guess which is which!
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Richie Tozier in Maryland
[124 views] [Comedy Crews]
(Richie is taking a sip of water and waits until the applause dies down from his introduction. He takes a beat and looks around the room.)
You don’t need to tell me. I know what this looks like.
(He points at his hair)
I had a mental breakdown and dyed my hair blonde. I get it, I’m doing the teenage girl speedrun. Jokes on you though, because I also had a moustache for a month so… I’d like to see those fuckers try.
(Laughter. Richie grins a bit mischievous and starts walking around the stage.)
Maryland! It’s great to be here! It’s so good to travel across state lines again without being considered a flight risk.
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r/Trashmouth
[u/bananaram4]
Saw the new show… Dynamite!
I have to admit, I became a Richie fan over the pandemic through his segments on Seth Meyers’ show. I watched some of his old stuff too but I didn’t see the newer sets. I can see that there is a bit of a split reaction. Some people claim Richie as a conservative who shouldn’t be supported (I’m a lesbian so I guess that’s directed at me?) and some people claim he’s gone too woke now. I really don’t care about the fighting. I went to his show in New Jersey and it was amazing.
He does a lot more crowd work than I thought and at some point he picked out a trans guy (unknowing) from the crowd - he was so great about it! Made perfect jokes without any discomfort and being totally respectful. I genuinely felt comfortable being there despite some people who obviously disapproved.
I watch a lot of comedy live and I have to say, one of the best shows in ages!
u/halsredring
Shitty Woke Comedy
I have been a Trashmouth fan for years and the new special is super disappointing. For any fans of his stand up career, it’s a punch in the face. Super long segments about some random friend he lives with and a totally unfunny and unnecessary rant about health care (I want to laugh not hear your shitty takes on politics).
The worst moment was when he started to shit on his own material. I couldn’t believe it. He legit went out there and made fun of people laughing about his own jokes from the past. How ungrateful can you be? Unfunny and tasteless.
u/jamlock195
I love all the people under this post claiming Richie as their incel leader… He was never even that sexist? Sure he made a couple of dumb jokes but most of his recent stuff wasn’t super controversial, just crass. Do you really want to say a guy who made two hour long specials filled with dick jokes was some messiah who abandoned you because he decided to try out interesting material?
The segment of him pointing out how bad his old shows were is mainly self-deprecating and he points out how lazy the jokes were, not some deep political agenda. As far as we can tell, he might have been pretty left leaning the entire time, he just didn’t talk about it.
And yes, as a woman I personally liked the few (LITERALLY TWO SENTENCES!) moments where he took accountability and apologised for an offensive or sexist joke that could have hurt people. It’s nice to see people change and act like a responsible human being.
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Streams Of Blood - Review
4.5/5 Stars
Richie Tozier’s passion project ‘Streams Of Blood’ is nothing if not surprising.
While initial reports made the movie sound like a horror film, but it’s hard to put into words what genre the movie adheres to even after having seen it. Tozier and Yanopovic blend dark humour with deeply dramatic moments and use traces of horror and thriller elements to drive home the emotional through line of the piece.
Most people expected Tozier to work through the trauma of his highly publicised murder case in his home town of Derry, Maine, but the movie feels far more like an exploration of depression, hopelessness and the feeling of being haunted by your own past.
Main character Victor is stuck between two universes. One where he works a normal desk job in New York and a nightmare realm which feels more like a fever dream, filled with violence and confusing visuals. Victor can never be sure what's real and he’s being haunted by the awareness and memories of each side whenever he exists in the other.
He is torn apart and exists in a limbo of constantly feeling unseen and misunderstood while hiding dark secrets on both worlds. It seems like he can only find inner peace if he embraces the ugliest part of himself.
If the bloody nightmare universe Victor is thrown into is a metaphor for Tozier’s real life experience or not doesn’t matter. It works surprisingly well as an exploration of mental health, shame and the burden of having secrets. While the movie strays into some experimental ideas, it never gets confusing or pretentious and the grounded characters always manage to keep the viewer engaged in their own struggles and goals.
Along with Yanopovic’s stunning direction, Tozier is the shining star of the piece. He plays a character full of pain and darkness but also with a deep longing for light and an ability to love that he struggles to live out. The portrails ends up surprisingly gentle and deeply touching in a way that feels almost raw. Tozier fully opens his soul and lets us see a vulnerability that I would have never expected from a stand up comic.
In the end, Streams Of Blood left me deeply satisfied and equally deeply longing for more. It feels like I have been told a dark truth, a secret I don’t fully understand. Art is supposed to stand on its own, but in this case it feels like the movie is so deeply intertwined with Richie Tozier that I want nothing more than to sit down with him and find out what he’s trying to say. Or even more importantly: Why he chose to say it in this way. Or simply listen to him talk. Because I have the feeling he has much more to say than just dick jokes.
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dallasmoons
is stream of blood a way for richie tozier to forgive himself for a murder he was forced to commit in defence of another (victor having to embrace his murderous side in the nightmare universe) or is it a metaphor for being haunted by your trauma (constantly being pulled into the flashbacks so that it feels like at least some part of you always lives in your worst memory) or is it an exploration of shame (victor feeling a part of himself is so deeply disgusting that he can only see it as a violent murderer even though people in his real life react to him telling them his secret like it isn’t a big deal) or is it a dissection of dehumanisation and loneliness (is lorrie’s reaction so nonchalant because she doesn’t care about victor or because victor has a warped sense of self?) or is it -
#listen i have so many thoughts #mainly about the gay subtext #like am i the only person deeply confused about that? #did they consciously choose to imply that victors secret was that he was in love with someone??
[402 notes]
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Richie Tozier Talks About His Time As Seth’s Writer
[824.979 views] [Late Night with Seth Meyers]
Seth Meyers: Our next guest has sat on this couch more often than any other person, but never as himself. Now he finally gets to talk in his real voice about his brilliant movie Streams Of Blood, his return to comedy and what it feels like to be blonde. Please welcome our dear friend, Richie Tozier!
[Richie walks out in slacks and a nice shirt, waving at the audience. He receives a standing ovation and does a little bow in thanks, clearly touched. Seth gives him a tight hug. When the applause dies down, they sit.]
Richie Tozier: Wow! Thank you guys so much.
Seth Meyers: They love you! And rightfully so. During the pandemic you became a staple on our show doing celebrity impressions.
[Seth puts up some pictures of Richie dressed as Justin Bieber, Al Pacino and to the audience's delight, Hilary Clinton.]
Richie Tozier: They remember! Very sweet.
Seth Meyers: Of course they do. You almost became as beloved as Wally.
[The camera cuts to the man holding Seth’s cue cards who shakes his head fondly.]
Richie Tozier: Never! Oh that would have been funny, if I had done this show dressed as Wally?
Seth Meyers: You are so right! We should have done that! I think that would have finally alienated the remaining handful of casual viewers. If you had done a bit about a different bit.
[Both laugh about the idea.]
Richie Tozier: I have to say this one thing and you know how much I hate being sincere. But I need to say it publicly to get it over with and I can go back to busting your balls. Seth Meyers is probably the nicest person to work in show business.
[Aws and applause from the audience.]
When I moved back to New York I really wasn’t in a good place and I was scared that if I just came here without structure in my life, I would get lost in my own darkness. So I called Seth up and asked if I could work at the show for a while and he said yes. Him giving me a chance to write comedy again and all the writers who work here who gave me the joy of sharing jokes was what gave me the courage and the push to get back out there. You guys really saved my ass, so thank you for that.
[The audience cheers, clearly touched. Seth too is trying to gather himself and grabs Richie’s shoulder to squeeze it.]
Seth Meyers: Buddy, I’m so glad that you are in a better place. And I’m so proud of you for doing Streams Of Blood. I saw it at the premier and I was blown away. It really, genuinely is so touching and brilliantly acted and written…
Richie Tozier: I bet you say that to all the boys.
Seth Meyers: Only the ones who are here to promote their movie.
-
Richie Tozier
Happy Sad Confused
Richie Tozier joins Josh on the podcast to talk about writing his first movie STREAMS OF BLOOD, his development as an actor and how hard it is to make a good comedy movie.
[47min 19 sec]
Josh Horowitz: So you have this movie out, I know you worked as a writer on Late Night for quite a while and you are also touring during all this. Where did you even find the time to write this movie?
Richie Tozier: Yeah, I guess that’s a lot. I think I might have buried myself in work for a bit. So I moved back to New York in late spring of 2019 and started working for Seth… Meyers. We are old friends and I was part of a skit he made for the Emmys when he hosted the year before. And he had implied that I could always come and maybe work for him some more. So I called him up and told him I really needed work, not for the money but to keep my sanity. I was really struggling. And to go to 30 Rock every day, see the writers, talk about jokes… that helped me so much.
So I started working on the script right away but it took a long time to take shape. I had that idea for a while and I really like genre films so I loved the idea of finding a way to use horror in a film that is still mainly a drama. Later on I had a couple of months where I officially worked for Seth a few times a week but I came in everyday just to hang out and write the movie. I realised I just needed to be around people and feel included. Everyone there was so cool about it. And during Covid, that’s when I really dug in and finished the script, edited it and had talks with studios.
And stand up? I started to go out and do stand up in 2019. I worked at Seth’s show and in the evening I would go into small clubs and just improvise. Like at the beginning I really didn’t have any plans, I just did crowd work or tried out bits. And that was the most free I had felt on stage in ages. My main background is in improv comedy, so to go back to that was amazing. And I started to slowly find routines that worked. At the time I talked a lot about my best friend who I’m roommates with now, wasn’t then, and we have a very sitcom like Odd Couple relationship so there is a lot of material there and then I started talking about my childhood too, which I had never done before. That felt very good too. I never realised how much stand up could be therapeutic. Not by trauma dumping but just to find connection with people. Like me talking about getting bullied took so much off the weight of embarrassment I still felt about it for some reason.
I never wrote that material down at all, it just organically formed over time. And when I decided to go on tour I still tried to keep that spirit alive. Like when I go to a place and get on a roll with crowd world, I might just do that for the whole time. I still haven’t written down any part of it. And I’m forcing myself to not do it and just trust that I will find the funny on the night.
Josh Horowitz: A lot has been said about the use of metaphors in Streams Of Blood and it does go a bit psychedelic at some points, but it’s such an accessible movie even to people who aren’t used to indie films, like I know of family members who watched it and were touched by it that aren’t y’know… film students. How did you find that balance?
Richie Tozier: A lot of that is Anton. He’s just a genius. But I think in terms of writing… I tried to stay true to how I feel. And I think that’s what people respond to, they can see themselves in those moments of insecurity and insanity.
Josh Horowitz: Would I be right to say Inception was a big inspiration for this film?
Richie Tozier: I mean Nolan is the gold standard for sure. That’s what you aim for. We are probably the shitty, cheap version of it.
Josh Horowitz: I mean specifically dealing with dreams and realities you aren’t sure are real. The big thing with Streams Of Blood, of course, is that the audience never gets to hear what secret Victor was hiding, we just see other people’s reactions when he tells them. I have seen a lot of debates online about what he might have said and what it means. Did you have a clear answer in mind when you were making the movie?
Richie Tozier: Yes. But that wasn’t Victor’s secret. I think the whole point of that was to leave an intentional hole there that everyone can fill in with their own darkness. And whatever you project onto Victor probably says more about you than about the film. I really like that idea, it makes people connect deeper with the film but it also holds up the mirror a bit. So whatever secret I thought he was hiding is just me projecting my own secrets onto him.
Josh Horowitz: Is it that his dad is Arnold Schwarzenegger? Because I read that online and I think that might have been my favourite.
Richie Tozier: You are absolutely right. I wrote that film with Arnold in mind.
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Richie Tozier: “Nothing But The Truth” | Official Teaser | Netflix
[294.025 views] [Netflix]
(Richie Tozier wears a casual shirt and jeans, no glasses. He holds a microphone in his hands.)
“There are four things you need to know about me:
I have a roommate.
He’s immunocompromised.
He’s also a hypochondriac which is a terrible combination.
And we moved in together… during a global pandemic.
You can do the math on that one.”
Comments:
camillaparker
I’m so glad he filmed it! Amazing show, can’t wait to watch it again!
juicelover14
Didn’t laugh once. Hack comedians getting all the Netflix slots.
bangoman
I don’t know what this is but it looks terrible.
_pw24_
Love Trashmouth! Can’t wait!
jackalstown89
The best Christopher Walken we’ve had on this earth <3
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Nick Kroll and John Mulaney's Opening Monologue at the 2022 Film Independent Spirit Awards
[2.5 million views] [Film Independent]
John Mulaney: What a confusing year for all the staples of independent movies. Two years ago, would anyone have thought we’d see Jordan Peele and Wes Anderson nominated alongside Richie Tozier and Tom Hanks? No!
[Audience laughter]
Although we have to acknowledge, for Tom Hanks it was a real step down from his usual work acting in brilliant big budget movies to produce and narrate the documentary ‘Forever Moon’. And for Richie Tozier, it’s a real step up from his usual work of ‘making fart jokes in public’ and ‘looking like a middle aged dad in distress on his Las Vegas trip’.
[Cut to Richie Tozier in the crowd, laughing loudly.]
Nick Kroll: The country has been divided like never before, but I think one thing we can all agree on is that Richie Tozier looks like he has crumbs in his bed. So many crumbs.
[Cut to Richie Tozier nodding emphatically.]
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Seth and Richie Tozier go Day Drinking
[456.022 views] [Late Night with Seth Meyers]
[Seth and Richie sit on a table. They are both already drunk from the previous games. Seth holds a piece of cardboard up and tries to read the cue cards. He stumbles over some words.]
Seth Meyers: You are famous for having a bad fashion sense. I have to say, you stepped it up in recent years.
Richie Tozier: They forced me to get a stylist.
Seth Meyers: Oh that’s good! We’ll test how much you’ve learned.
Richie Tozier: I can cut this short for you: Nothing.
[They both giggle.]
Seth Meyers: Here we have famous red carpet outfits and you have to guess who wore what.
[Seth pins down four heads on the board.]
Seth Meyers: Timothee Chalamet, Lenny Kravitz…
[Richie starts to laugh. Then he takes a shot.]
Richie Tozier: I know who’s wearing the crazy shit.
Seth Meyers: Kit Harrison… Kit Hari-
Richie Tozier: Kit Herring.
Seth Meyers: Famously fishy.
[They both giggle, Seth’s head almost lands on Richie’s shoulder.]
Seth Meyers: And the ever beautiful Seth Meyers.
[He puts a picture of himself up there. There is an obvious cut while the the cameras reset. Richie talks to Seth like they are in private.]
Richie Tozier: Don’ you think this guy looks like Eddie? (He points at Kit Harington) I’s like the big brown eyes.
[Seth squints at the picture.]
Richie Tozier: Like an uglier version of Eddie.
Seth Meyers: Uglier?!
Richie Tozier: He doesn’t have any dimples. The dimples are essential, you gotta know that Seth. You have dimples too.
[Richie pushes his finger into Seth’s dimples, which makes Seth laugh. An obvious cut. One of Seth’s writers tries to fix the board. Richie holds out his phone.]
Richie Tozier: Hey Will, do you think my boyfriend looks better than Kit Fishman?
Seth Meyers (giggling): Rich you need to stop talking about Eddie, we have to cut all of that out.
Richie Tozier: Eh… just keep it in.
[They both laugh. Cut. Richie is back to matching the outfits. He holds up a headless picture of someone in a sheer black dress with white underwear visible.]
Richie Tozier: D’you think I could get Eddie to wear that?
Seth Meyers: In one word: No.
[Cut. Richie is holding his phone up, he’s calling someone on speaker phone.]
Richie Tozier: Spaghettward!
Eddie: Yes? Are you done with filming already?
Richie Tozier: Noooo! I have a very important ques’ion for you.
Eddie: Jesus Christ. You are sloppy, dickhead.
Richie Tozier: Would you be willing to wear a kind of see through dress in your boxers and baby, bear in mind that I would win 20 bucks from Seth if you agree to do it.
Eddie: Not even in your wildest dreams. I can’t put into words how little I’m willing to do that.
Richie Tozier: You are breaking my heart, Spaghetto. And my bank account.
Eddie: I’m earning my own money bitch.
Richie Tozier (to Seth): He’s a strong independent woman. He don’t need no sugar daddy.
Eddie: Rich just to prepare you… you have the following options today: Sleep on the couch, the floor or in a hotel room on the other side of the city.
Richie Tozier: Hey by the way, is it okay if I come out on Seth’s show?
Eddie: You know I don’t care.
Richie Tozier: I love you baby. I hope you know that. So much. Like right now I miss you and you are like 5 minutes away. And you are hotter than the Fishman.
Eddie: Thanks I guess. I love you too. Fuck off. Bye.
[Richie ends the phone call and looks at Seth.]
Richie (with a serious tone): He’s the love of my life.
Seth Meyers: You guys are weird. I love that for you.
[It turns out it was Seth who wore the sheer dress.]
Richie Tozier: Dude! That makes me look at you in a totally new light. Snoopy… are you hot?
Seth Meyers: I love that you ask me that. I’m not the gay one here.
Richie Tozier: I spent most of the time I knew you deeply repressed.
Seth Meyers: You still would have known.
[Richie squints at Seth.]
Richie Tozier: I’ll give it to you. Y’know why?
Seth Meyers: No.
Richie Tozier: Dimples.
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Trending Topics - X.com
Richie Tozier (70k)
#LoveIsBlind (20k)
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Sam Jackoff @shoes4maya
richie tozier coming out as gay while drunk on seth’s show is so on brand 💀
papimoron @avsnation45
Me re-watching Richie Tozier’s acclaimed comedy special ‘Nothing But The Truth’:
[picture of the ‘OMG, they were roommates’ meme]
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dickwardgobbler
streams of blood is a GAY movie now about GAY shame victor is a GAY man with GAY feelings
#i’m so used to giving now i get to receive #sob #streams of blood #richie tozier
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[Instagram picture of Richie kissing a man on the cheek. The picture is taken from behind, their faces aren’t visible. The background is the skyline of New York]
TrashmouthTozier: Three years ago I was depressed and stuck in a rot. Since then I’ve written a movie, toured a show I’m proud of and get to come home to the love of my life every day. If all it took was me sucking dick I would have done it sooner. Sadly it took some getting stabbed at too. Yes I’m totally gay, I’m in a happy relationship. But most importantly: I’m happy. And anyone who knows me that the last bit is the most surprising.
