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‘Am I going to die?’
That was the only thought that constantly went through his mind. He was terrified. His only comfort was his small friend, Kaburamaru, an albino snake that had entered his only home he knew. No longer did he feel alone in the cage that kept him locked away from the world as he counted each day. Each day that passes, Obanai doesn’t know when it’ll be his last.
He didn’t want to die.
He was only six.
“Stop crying,” his cousin belittles, taking the cold plate of food away. She scoffs at the tears that went down the boy’s face, almost wetting the bandages around his face. Her glares were cruel as well as icy cold. “This is for the family. Stop being so selfish.” Digest layers in her eyes, barely hidden in her tone.
And yet, his mind thinks about her worlds.
‘For the family?’
They weren’t his family, even if he was connected to them by blood. He didn’t wish to be a part of this family. He didn’t wish for this life. Never did he want to part of a family so committed to a cult. He didn’t want to be a part of family that sacrificed their children solely to get some so-called good fortune.
His ‘family’ were a part of a cult of only females. They served under a snake demon. It was their god, following their words and teachings, in exchanged, the demon would grant them good fortune. One of the teachings came with sacrificing their children in the name of the demon. It’s said that the demon’s favored male sacrifices.
So, when he was finally born. His fate was set in stone. He was destined to die just for a sacrifice. Obanai could never accept that fate.
He didn’t want to die.
But what could he even do?
He was too weak to fight. (He couldn’t stop them from cutting large slits on his face to spill his blood. How could he fight?) He was too small. (He rejected the endless feasts, ignoring the fact he was starving himself.) He couldn’t escape. (Where would he go? He had nowhere.)
“You’re going to die tomorrow, Obanai,” his cousin reveals, almost laughing at the dread in Obanai’s mismatch eyes. She doesn’t stay to listen as she leaves the poor boy alone. She knew he was afraid.
Alone, Obanai knew he had to leave. He had too. He searched desperately for any openings before settling with the holes in his cage. He had already ruined the wooden bars with a few items he kept hidden. Then he slipped through. His heart pounded heavily as he exited out of the cage. He trembled. His body wanting to stop and just freeze, but he forces himself to keep moving. If he’s caught, they’ll kill him for sure.
He can’t stop.
As he exits the house, he hears screaming. He hears gunshots. He sees the flashes of blue and red lights as sirens erupted. Quickly, Obanai hid behind a tree. He covers his mouth to muffle his sounds.
He doesn’t know how long he’s been hiding until he hears dogs’ barking approaching him. Kaburamaru rubbed his head against Obanai’s face to keep him grounded, and yet that didn’t stop his fear. They were going to find him. He couldn’t fight to protect himself, but he had to try. He grabbed a stick at his side.
Once the light shined over him, he was about to aim his stick to hit the person, until his eyes land on the man before him. His hair was a brightly colored red and blond. His eyes were a striking red and gold. He looked like a flaming phoenix.
“Are you–?”
He didn’t get to finish his question before there were tight arms around his legs, holding on tightly, afraid of being shoved away.
Obanai shouldn’t trust this man, but this guy seemed so nice. He wore the bandages of those men who served for justice. He knew he judged correctly as the man only lifts him up.
“It’ll be okay. I’m Shinjuro…let’s get you out of here.”
Shinjuro was the man’s name. He walked with him, leading him away. He didn’t question the boy. He wouldn’t say anything to drive this boy away.
“We found a survivor!”
One of the officers shouted, Shinjuro approached the others to find a girl shouting at them. Her anger grows unmatched when she saw the boy in his arms.
“You killed them! They’re all dead because of you, Obanai! You should’ve died! You should’ve been killed! You’re selfish!” She keeps shouting. Obanai holds tighter on Shinjuro’s uniform’s shirt.
“Take her away,” Shinjuro instructed. He won’t let her continue. “It’ll be okay,” he tells the boy again before walking to his patrol car. He sets the boy down. “I’ll be back. Just wait here.”
Obanai says nothing as he held his snake. He notices the slight trembles coming from the boy. Shinjuro took off his coat, moving it around the kid.
“You’re going to be safe.”
He leaves, closing the door. He didn’t think this anonymous tip was going to be true. The fact there was a cult of women sacrificing their children was surreal. However, there was a reason these kids weren’t reported. They were never documented. That boy in the car, he wasn’t listed on the people in this home.
It was horrid scene.
How there was blood splatters everywhere as the words of the girl comes in his mind. He finds the glasses marked with names of different kids as well as the boy in his car. How the girl said the boy was a sacrifice. How she was cursing him, blaming him for deaths that had nothing to do with him.
Shinjuro gritted his teeth. He won’t let that boy suffer anymore.
Everything else felt like a blur. Obanai didn’t know what strings Shinjuro had pulled when he arrived at a traditional Japanese home.
“You’ll be stay with us,” Shinjuro says, turning the car off. He glances at the boy. “You won’t be alone.”
Us?
Obanai didn’t understand until he was guided inside the home. There was a sense of warmth that surrounded him. He didn’t need to walk far before there was rapid footsteps. He almost jumps when he sees a boy that looked exactly like Kyojuro as a lady with black hair with a pregnant belly was following behind.
“This must be–”
“You’re Obanai! I’m Kyojuro!” Kyojuro was at his side. “Dad told us you were going to come stay with us! That must be your friend!” Obanai wanted to shy away, shielding himself from the loudness. He moves to hide behind Shinjuro’s legs.
“Kyo, honey, you’re going to scare our new house member,” she says, softly. Shinjuro places his hand on Obanai’s head. “Obanai will be staying with us for now on, Ruka and Kyojuro.” Obanai didn’t understand that Shinjuro was already calling him a Rengoku, accepting him in their small family.
Kyojuro bounced on the balls of his feet.
“Welcome home!” He almost tackles Obanai, hugging him. As much as Obanai wanted to pull away, he only relaxes. He couldn’t be rude. These people were letting him stay at their home, so he returns the sweet gesture.
It didn’t silence the voice that he could lose this all.
From then, Obanai became a Rengoku. Even after the adoption, a month later, Obanai still worried that they’ll one day grow tired of him. One day, they’ll decide to be rid of him. And yet, that never happened. Obanai was fine with being with Kyojuro and soon Senjuro, his little brothers. He was fine with Shinjuro and Ruka.
Until he met Kyojuro’s friends when he was seven.
“Sanemi! Mitsuri! Tengen!” Kyojuro was tugging Obanai’s hand. He was using his free hand to greet a group of kids. There were four kids. There was a bubbly girl with pink hair and green tips. There was a tall boy with ruby colored eyes. Then finally one boy who had lavender eyes and white hair. He was holding hands with a younger boy who couldn’t be more than one year old.
“This is Obanai, my brother!”
Brother.
That’s how Kyojuro always introduced him as. Never was it the adoptive kid. It was always ‘brother.’
“And this is his friend Kaburamaru,” Kyojuro introduces before glancing at one of his friends. “I didn’t know Genya was going to tag along, Sanemi! But I’m happy he came along!” Sanemi only scoffs lightly before holding a little tighter on Genya’s hand. The little boy didn’t mind. “I can’t leave Genya alone…” He admits, there’s a falter in his feature.
Obanai noticed it.
A part of him ignored the bruises around Sanemi’s wrists as his long-white shirt barely concealed the others. He turns his head away. He couldn’t question Sanemi.
Still, he was interested on being Sanemi’s friend. The voice in the back of his mind wants him to get to know this boy.
He didn’t understand this feeling.
He barely understood it a few days later when he was alone with Sanemi. Kyojuro had ran off with Tengen and Mitsuri to get cookies from Mitsuri’s Mama.
“You’re strange,” Sanemi notes. He was sitting beside Obanai. He tilts his head. Lavender eyes were almost shocking to Obanai. They felt so piercing, and yet, there was something soft about them.
“What do you mean?” Obanai couldn’t pull his gaze away from him. Kaburamaru didn’t seem threatened by this boy, so maybe it was okay to engage in small talk. “You’re the strange one for not following Kyojuro. He’s your friend.”
Obanai didn’t understand Sanemi. After their first meeting, the younger boy would stray away from Kyojuro and the other group to hang around him. Even if he couldn’t provide much conversation, never did Obanai see it bother Sanemi.
Sanemi shrugs. “You seem cooler,” he says. He offers a smile. “Plus, your brother would be upset if we didn’t all get along. Kyojuro has a big heart as much as he’s a big dummy.”
Obanai didn’t know why he felt a spike of anger at that comment. He only glares, surprising Sanemi. “Don’t insult Kyojuro. He’s my…He’s, my friend.” That was the thing. Obanai couldn’t even refer Kyojuro as his brother. It may be simple for Kyojuro, but Obanai couldn’t.
Not when…
He grits his teeth. He shouldn’t have snapped at Sanemi.
“I’m sorry for snapping.”
Still, Sanemi doesn’t seem anger at all. He places his hand on Obanai’s hand. It surprised the duel-colored boy.
“You don’t have to apologize at all. I won’t insult your brother. I would’ve snapped too if anyone had insulted my Mama or siblings.”
When Obanai looked at Sanemi, he sees a sweet smile on Sanemi’s face.
“Let’s be friends, Obanai.”
Obanai did not understand Sanemi even as his heart pounded.
He wished he ignored that feeling for almost 10 years. He was finally 16.
Sanemi Shinazugawa was someone…indescribable. There were no words to describe the boy. He became more of his friend than Kyojuro’s. Obanai couldn’t help but enjoy that feeling, because Sanemi wanted to hang out with him. A flutter in his chest only grows. It makes him feel as if he was walking on clouds. He shouldn’t feel these things, but it was impossible.
There was something addicting about Sanemi’s smile. It was different than the crazed and angry smile he would show when people act like jerks.
“You’re staring,” Sanemi points out.
Obanai almost chokes on his drink. He glances away, trying to downplay his blush. Sanemi raised an eyebrow. “You, okay? I didn’t mean to startle you. I don’t have to–”
“No, I don’t mind!” It sounded far too eager. Obanai sees the concern. He hated how his heart ran so fast around this boy. Sanemi seemed clueless as he leans close to Obanai’s shoulder. He sets his head down.
“I’m glad you don’t.” Sanemi may be taller, but in this moment, he looked smaller as he looked up at Obanai. “You shouldn’t hide your scars.” He moved his hand to hover over his scarred face. Obanai shouldn’t, but he leaned forward. “It’s fine.”
It was Sanemi’s turn to turn a little rosy red. He smiles, the same smile that blinded him before. It only had blinded him, because Sanemi had smiled after telling him that he looks good with his scars. There was no trace of disgust. All was truly genuine.
Never did it help his crushing feeling.
“What are you two up too?”
Obanai flinches away from Sanemi’s touch as Sanemi was slightly confused. Still, their eyes moved to Kyojuro who had entered Obanai’s room without knocking. Kyojuro seemed to brighten up when he sees Sanemi. He moves, hugging the boy.
“K-Kyojuro, stop!” Sanemi tries to pull away. Kyojuro shakes his head. “Never!” He rolls with Sanemi, bringing him down.
Obanai grips the bedsheets, trying not to react. They were playing in front of him as if he wasn’t here. Obanai hated this feeling. He hated the thought of doubt coursing through his mind.
This crush…it felt worthless. No matter how much time they spend together, Kyojuro is the only one capable of getting close to Sanemi…and Sanemi didn’t even seem to mind. A part of him is reminder of a conversation he had with Mitsuri.
How he should tell Sanemi how he feels. But how could he when it looked like Kyojuro likes Sanemi. He came terms to the thought when he saw them spending time together. Kyojuro had to like Sanemi…and if it’s true, then he can’t confess. He can’t.
Even if he did, would Sanemi even accept him? Why would Sanemi choose him over Kyojuro? If he told Sanemi, and he accepted…How devastated his brother would be. H-He couldn’t do that. Not when Kyojuro has given up his home, shared his parents with him. All he’s done is take.
He hated the thought of Kyojuro abandoning him. No longer would he call him his brother. Would they kick him out? Where would he go?
He has nowhere left to go.
It hurt horribly to lose Kyojuro, to lose the rest of the Rengoku family.
He couldn’t ruin it all, because he decided to be selfish.
Why was he always so selfish?
Obanai tried to keep his distance from Sanemi. If…If Kyojuro wants to date Sanemi, he shouldn’t come in the way. He couldn’t. He ignored the pain in his chest from being away from Sanemi. Sanemi was like his shining star. As cheesy as it was, Sanemi made him forget his past.
However, he should’ve known he couldn’t avoid Sanemi forever.
Not when the boy came over one night.
“Are you avoiding me?”
“How–?”
Sanemi answered the question shortly, crossing his arms. “Senjuro let me in.” He shuts the door behind him. He takes a seat across from Obanai as the black-haired boy went to grab his mask. However, he’s stopped by Sanemi’s hand.
“Obanai, you don’t need to cover your face,” Sanemi tells him. Obanai wanted to bask in Sanemi’s warm heat, but he retracts his hand. There was a flash of hurt going across Sanemi’s features.
Obanai gritted his teeth.
“I thought you would come to see Kyojuro.”
“See Kyojuro?” Sanemi didn’t understand. “I see him every day. Why can’t I not come to see you?”
“Because Kyojuro likes you,” Obanai tried. Sanemi freezes. “What?” Still, the white-haired male shakes his head. “Why does that matter? What does that have anything to do with us?” Obanai wondered how oblivious Sanemi could even be.
“Because I like you when I shouldn’t!”
Obanai didn’t know why he didn’t think…why he even said that. Then again, it was impossible to think straight around Sanemi. Maybe if he was thinking straight, he would’ve noticed the close distance as he took the chance to kiss Sanemi. A part of him whispers that he wanted Sanemi to know how he felt.
Once he pulls away, Obanai froze. It finally hits him what he’s done. Sanemi looked surprised. There was a heavy blush on Sanemi’s cheeks. Still, it comes to an end as Obanai forces himself to move. He can’t believe he just did that. He couldn’t believe he had just kissed Sanemi.
Kyojuro will be furious.
The small voice telling him that his brother wouldn’t care. That Kyojuro would never be angry with him was silent against his growing thoughts.
“I-I’m sorry.”
Obanai rushes out of the room. Sanemi snaps out of it. “Wait.” He moves to follow behind. However, just like everything else in Obanai’s life, it was never easy. He ignored the shouting in his ears as his thoughts were overlaying. He just needs fresh air. He just needs–
He bumped right into someone.
“Obanai?”
No…No.
Standing before him was Kyojuro, concern layers on his features. Why was Kyojuro so kind? Why did he get lucky to have a family that wanted him? Why did he have to be selfish to throw all that out the window? Why couldn’t he just accept what he had? Why was he so selfish?
“You should’ve been the one to die!”
His cousin’s voice echoes in his mind. Obanai wanted to ignore her poisonous words, but how could he? When she was right after all.
Before Kyojuro could say anything, before he could reach for his brother, Obanai snaps.
“Just stop!”
Kyojuro retracted his hand, shocked by his brother’s shouting. “Obanai–” Anger laces across Obanai’s features as he grits his teeth. His shoulders tensed as he wished Kaburamaru was here to ground him, but he was in his bedroom. Damnit. Damnit.
“Leave me the hell alone.”
Kyojuro didn’t understand.
Obanai walks past his brother as he slams the door behind him.
Kyojuro stands frozen before seeing the person emerging from the hallway. Sanemi stood there with Kaburamaru on his shoulders.
“What happened?”
There was an unspoken anger lacing Kyojuro’s tone. Sanemi’s was almost caught off guard. He’s only heard this tone whenever there was someone being rude about Senjuro or Obanai. It went unsaid that Kyojuro was the overprotective one of the Rengoku siblings.
Sanemi wanted to lie, but he couldn’t.
“He was avoiding me. I-I came to confront him, and he admitted that you like me, that’s why he was staying away. All because he didn’t want to seem selfish and say he likes me. I…” Sanemi couldn’t find the words. Still, Kyojuro softens. “…Sanemi, you are my dearest friend. Obanai is my brother, and I didn’t notice about–”
“Look,” Sanemi cuts short. “We just need to find your brother. Whatever conversation between us, we can have later.” Sanemi walks past Kyojuro.
Both of them split to find Obanai as Kyojuro phoned in a few friends to help search for Obanai.
Obanai wanted to smack himself. He snapped at the two people who gave a damn about him. He wanted to scream. He shouldn’t have done that, and yet all of it felt so overwhelming. He should go home and apologize. Even if everything felt too much, he had to, at least, try and make amends.
“You know…it’s a lot harder to find you.”
Obanai almost jumps when he sees Kyojuro approach him.
As Kyojuro sits beside him, it goes unsaid as Obanai lay his head on his brother’s shoulder. It kept him grounded. “I’m sorry.” Kyojuro hums, shaking his head softly. “Obanai, you’re my brother, you don’t have to apologize.”
“I snapped at you, Kyojuro, all because I was jealous, because I was selfish.” He pulls away to look at his brother. Kyojuro didn’t seem the slightest angry. Still, Obanai continued. “I knew you liked him, and I thought…I thought it would be better if I stayed away. You…Mr. Rengoku, Mrs. Rengoku have given me so much. A home…a warm shelter…a better life, and I kept taking more. What if one day it’ll be enough? I…I don’t want to lose you or–”
Before he could continue, Kyojuro took his brother’s hand, interrupting his rant.
“Obanai, it’s fine to be selfish. Trust me. All of us can be selfish.” He offers a short laugh. “Still…I didn’t think it still affected you…but I promise you, we’ll never get sick of you. Never will we abandon you. You’re my brother. You’re my family. My family? It’s our family. Senjuro adores you! I adore you! Dad is so proud of you! Mom took you in like her own, because you’re an Rengoku.”
Kyojuro’s eyes glossed, “Nothing as small as boy trouble would make me see you differently. I promise you.” Obanai stares, unsure what to say as he only hugs his brother. It was so uncommon. Then again, today was a rollercoaster ride of emotions.
As silence passes, the two brothers sit by themselves, gazing at the night sky. Kyojuro was the first to break the silence.
“So…if I can ask…why did you think I like Sanemi?”
Obanai stops, “What?”
Kyojuro glances at his brother. “You told Sanemi I have feelings for him. Is…Why do you think that?”
His brother shrugs. “Sanemi always comes to you. There was that night when I heard him sneak into your room.” Obanai saw the look in Kyojuro’s eyes as he looked a little hesitant. He was about to apologize, but Kyojuro moved his hands to rub against each other, ignoring the cold.
“Sanemi…is a good friend of mine. There are things he isn’t comfortable talking about. If…If he hasn’t told you, I will respect his wishes. Just know, nothing more happens.” Kyojuro may be the most cheerful, but he was serious when he needed to be. He won’t tell Obanai about Sanemi’s situation.
If Obanai doesn’t know, then it’s up to Sanemi. He won’t speak about Sanemi’s horrible father.
“So, there’s nothing going on?”
Obanai quirked an eyebrow. Kyojuro smiles, “Nope. Feel free to date him. I don’t none of us will mind. Plus, I think Sanemi likes you too.” Even if Sanemi can be a little bit in denial and rough around the edges.
Kyojuro took pleasure in watching his brother turn red. Teasing his brother felt so good, then again, he wouldn’t give this up. Even if Obanai was older than him, he always did feel like his little brother. In a way, Kyojuro didn’t mind.
He had nowhere else to be than here with his brother.