Chapter Text
Buck sits on his loft stairs taking a deep breath looking at the state of his loft, it's a mess he should really clean it. At the same time, he doesn't see the point of cleaning up his loft. God, if his first family knew that he was living like a pig they would be pissed. He just doesn't have the energy to clean it up. He fucked up and now that stupid itch is back, the line between being a badass SEAL or a badass firefighter is in the back of his mind. Deep down he knows he would never leave Chris, or Maddie because what kind of person would that make him?
He's not some sixteen-year-old boy anymore who is tired of his home life, tired of the neglect and abuse his parents dished out to him. He's not that sixteen-year-old boy who had zero responsibilities and zero sense of what he wants to do with his life. He's not that boy with zero roots, he has roots right? The team should understand he's doing this to get back to them to get home, hell Jason understood to a degree and like always Clay understood.
It's what we do, we fight to get home and now they won't even talk to him anymore. That doesn't mean he can just run again, go back to the SEALs to the family he knows would never turn their backs on him. He's thought about it a few times but that's normal...
Right?
Buck sighs scrubbing his face pushing himself off the stairs with a sigh he fills the sink with soapy water placing the dishes into the sink then moving onto the garbage that litters the kitchen and dining room. It takes him a good hour to have the whole place picked up, he peels his criminally disgusting sweat filled sheets off his bed, throwing them in the washing machine and moving onto mopping the floors and sanitizing the counters.
He puts the oven cleaner in the oven opening all the windows because that shit smells worse than the locker rooms at the station after they have been fighting a fire for five hours straight. Hell, worse than Sonny shoes almost, Buck wonders if they ever had that dude checked out by a doctor because seriously that was rank.
Buck smiles when Clay, who he still regularly texts, sends him a picture of him and the team, Buck misses them all he needs to figure out a way to see them again. He can probably figure out a volunteering event that's happening and use that as an excuse to use three weeks' worth of leave. Well, if he even has a job by Christmas. Buck looks in his fridge grabbing his pack of chicken, a bell pepper and an onion chopping them up. He has been off the blood thinners for a few weeks, not that Bobby cares it seems.
When did his life get this fucked up, so fucked up that he even makes his family lives hell? He shakes his head slowly, cutting the chicken into strips of the vegetables soon after heating up the pan, adding some olive oil and frying up his food, taking it to his table that is far too big for just one person.
The next day Buck decides to go for a run to clear his mind, since he knows no one will stop by and he runs further than he normally would run. Letting it be his peace of mind, his escape from the stress he runs and runs and runs. He goes for probably almost two hours before heading back towards the loft he gets about halfway home when his lawyer calls him saying he has news Buck changes his path to there. And when Buck hears, the city is trying to settle when he could care less about money, he only wants his job.
"I don't want the money, I want MY job!" Buck says firmly with a scoff also slightly offended that anyone would think he's doing this for money. They go back and forth for a while and it ends with Buck telling the scumbag where to stick it he orders an uber back to his apartment cursing under his breath at the situation.
Once the uber pulls up to his apartment Buck pulls out his wallet handing the driver fifteen dollars since the traffic was pretty bad and he didn't want to risk them using any money they were making from driving him going towards only gas. He slowly makes his way up the stairs slouching slightly as he makes it to the door.
Putting the key into the door he turns the key unlocking his door turning the knob to enter his loft. It's dark by now so he flicks the light on walking towards the kitchen cursing himself for leaving his food out knowing he now has to order out.
It takes about thirty minutes for his pizza to arrive he ordered a small pizza, normally he would order a large invite Chris and Eddie over for pizza and video games the two adults would have a couple of beers and platonically flirt because Buck knows Eddie didn't love him like that and even if he did that ship has sailed like getting his job back.
Apparently, he will hear from the LAFD in a few weeks but why would they want him back, as Buck is getting his pizza, he notices a thick envelope with a banner saying classified and it's from the DOD and Buck almost forgets he is supposed to be grabbing his pizza his mind spinning this cannot be fucking happening not now.
He opens the door with a grunt he's glad he tipped online; he closes the door discarding the pizza to the nearest counter opening the envelope. He knows it's a recall, he knows but deep down he hopes it's a discharge for some stupid reason.
As he suspected it states he's being deployed, he feels like he could scream he could cry. What makes it worse is he needs to be in Virginia in two weeks max. How is he going to sublet his apartment in time? Yes, he knows he could talk to his landlord about it but he doesn't want to use his service and this could not be worse timing.
Buck doesn't sleep that night staying up trying to get everything in order, he only has two weeks to find someone to rent the loft, luckily someone from the 217 has agreed to sublet his lease for him he is meeting with him in a few days for him to view the place. Buck groans remembering he has to stop by the storage facility to grab his gear. He may have two weeks but he wants to leave a few days in advance so he can actually make sure nothing happens with connecting flights that cause him to end up being marked AWOL because God forbid the shitty airlines cancel a flight.
As the military calls it 'hurry up and wait' and Buck never really got past that motto in his life. Hell, why he's always an hour early to work, to parties is something he can't help but do because getting your ass drilled for being thirty seconds late to PT when in reality you're fifteen minutes early but never tell your bosses that.
So instead of being there a week before they spin up he's going to be there two weeks, cause sure as hell isn't catching him in jail.
Three days pass when the guy from the 217 arrives to view the loft, he feels bad it's still kind of a mess and doesn't look the cleanest at the moment but he needs this person to agree. "Hello, you must be Thomas Kinard?" Buck asks with a nervous smile he wonders if he looks as frazzled as he feels.
"Uh just Tommy fine, Evan?" He asks and Buck smirks, nodding his head letting him into the house.
"Just B-yeah Evan, I know it's a mess I swear it is not going to look like this in a few days. I leave in like three days and it's all last minute." He rambles shoving one of the boxes out of the way Tommy looks at him with a raised brow.
"Yeah, I trust you, what has you in a rush to leave this loft seems to be a pretty nice area at a decent price as well." Buck runs a hand through his hair trying to find the best way to put it.
"Uhm, I have some time sensitive stuff coming up in another state, that was unexpected and last minute and I couldn't possibly know when I would be back to LA." Buck says with a shrug showing him down the hall so he can see the bathroom.
"Ah family emergency?"
"Something like that yeah." Buck says softly Tommy looks around a little bit more before agreeing to sign and Buck goes to the store to get some more tape, he has been trying to call the members of the 118 but unsurprisingly they won't answer his calls. He goes to the store finding tape and a few other snacks for the flight there, not wanting to spend a stupid amount on airport snacks.
What he wasn't prepared for was the 118 to be grocery shopping forgetting that they shop here. "What are you doing here?" Bobby asks him with a hint of disappointment?...anger? Buck mouth open and closes trying to get his words out on why he was there without being blunt or giving out too much information.
"Well...I was uhm...I look I came here to apologize for everything and I-everything got so out of hand with the lawsuit and I-" Before Buck can even finish what he was going to say Eddie is speaking up cutting him off which in his own opinion is kind of rude and very childish but what would he know about rude or childish.
"Yeah, the lawsuit is bad enough you told your lawyer everything about us, personal things."
"Your-you're supposed to be truthful with your lawyer..." Then Buck thinks why is Eddie so pissed at him? He wasn't suing him he was suing Bobby, the city and the department not him he has no right to be pissed at him. "Wait, why are you so pissed at me?
"Because your exhausting, we all have our own problems but you don't see us whining about it. We all manage to suck it up, why can't you!" Eddie says raising his voice ouch that hurt Buck shakes it off taking a deep breath he is a SEAL not a fucking baby he cannot be letting stupid words hurt him like that.
"Well, that's kind of harsh, not like the guy asked to be crushed by a ladder truck." Chimney rebuttals in a light slightly joking tone seeming like he is trying to lighten the mood and ease the tension it obviously doesn't.
"No but he filed a stupid lawsuit. Now I can't even talk to you because of it. You know how much Christopher misses you? How could you you're not around." Buck feels like he took a large caliber bullet right to the chest again but it's ten times sharper. He loves that kid and his father is using him as a point in an argument.
"I didn't think of that, maybe I could come visit Christopher, the lawsuit doesn't prevent that." To be fair there is no lawsuit anymore and apparently, they haven't been told. Truth be told he really hopes he could see Chris before he leaves because there is a very real chance he may never make it home.
"No, it prevents me from reaching out to you, I couldn't even call you to bail me out of jail." Everyone freezes looking at Eddie with raised brows while Lena just puts her hand over her mouth covering it. "If that was something that happened." Eddie tries to save his ass and Buck has met people who don't even know their left from their life who could lie better than Eddie just attempted to.
"What-what are you talking about? Why, why can't you see my side of this?!" Buck asks slightly hurt why can't anyone see his side this wasn't how this conversation was supposed to go, he was supposed to go to the station tomorrow and talk to them all at once and sit them down but now that plan is out the window with this fight with Eddie.
"Because that's all you see!" Eddie gets into his face being interrupted by two cars slamming into each other outside of the building now his chance is really gone to try and smooth this all over before he leaves fuck him.
He follows them outside seeing them get to work his heart aching taking a deep breath he goes back into the store paying for his stuff before leaving a note in the gear compartment hoping they see it as he won't have time to bother them again, he needs to focus on what he needs and making it to Virginia alive and without having a screaming match with the mirror.